A Soul's Hope
by Nancy LeBrun
Summary: This is an OOC story of Wanderer's life in her new host body. Everyone assumes that Wanda and Ian will live happily ever after but as everyone knows, love is a battlefield. Contains sex and violence.
1. Chapter 1

A SOUL'S HOPE

Chapter I: Growing Pains

It had been a surprising couple of months. I was a soul sharing a body with its host, Melanie Stryder. We had become friends, almost like sisters loving two men simultaneously and yet individually. Then a few weeks ago I thought that I had made the ultimate sacrifice relinquishing my body back to the original owner with the knowledge that my life would be over; that I would be buried in the dry earth that surrounded our home in the desert. Only I was wrong , these humans loved me as I loved them and could not bear to live without me … Melanie, Jamie, Jared, Jeb, Doc, Trudy, even Kyle … but most of all Ian. He loved me for who I was. It didn't matter what form my body was in whether it was Melanie's body, the body I now possessed, even in my true form … 'a Silver Centipede' as some called it, a parasite-unable to survive without a host body. Ian had gazed into my eyes with his own piercing blue eyes and told me that he had held me in his hands and that he thought I was beautiful. My heart nearly burst with emotion at that moment. Now he and I were inseparable. Here in the desert, our party of six was returning from a raid to get supplies for our community that lived in the hidden caverns in the desert when we came upon another group of humans much to our surprise. They had found our 'garage' that housed our vehicles. At first we thought they were Seekers but it turned out that they were just like us in more ways than one. Just as I was a soul living happily in a human body and loving the humans as my own family; they too had a soul among them. His name was Burns and he was considered family to this group of humans led by a man named Nate. Nate was like our Jared. He was shorter than Ian and he had beautiful dark hair that stopped just above his shoulder. He had dark eyes to match his hair. He was roguishly good looking. I thought to myself; with an ounce of charm, he could rule the world. Once everyone realized that both parties were safe, Jared invited them back to our home to meet Jeb and the others.

Jared and Melanie had run on ahead to let the others know of the company on the way. I was much too slow in this body. I was still getting used to be being petite and delicate compared to Melanie's strong and fast body. Ian probably could move faster carrying me than traveling at my pace. He was always patient often taking the extra seconds to stare at me. I couldn't tell if he thought I was _that_ beautiful or if he was still trying to adjust to my new body. I _was _pretty, I had to admit, but this body was only seventeen years old. I lied to Ian on the day I awoke in this body and told him I was about to turn eighteen. I didn't want to give him an excuse not to be with me. I wanted him more than anything but I inherited shyness with this new body. I needed him to want me as much as I wanted him.

When we left on the raid it was still raining and everyone was still sleeping in the 'game room' deep inside the caverns. Our bedrooms were closer to the surface and the ceilings were cracked with gaps and holes that allowed the rain to seep in. Luckily it only rained a few days out of the year during the months of February and March; winter months for some, but not here in the desert. Ian and I had not spent any time alone, as a couple. Tonight would be our first night together in our own room.

Ian drove the truck to the caverns and I rode shotgun, while the rest of the group traveled behind us on foot. He had been quiet for a while and I wondered if he too was thinking about tonight.

"I wonder how Kyle and Sunny are doing." Ian said keeping his eyes ahead.

"I don't know. Do you think Kyle will ever care about her as more than just as a soul?" I asked looking directly at his face.

He reached out and grabbed my hand. "He's not too bright, but if he has half a brain in his head, he would know that no one will ever love him the way she will. I think loving a soul is 'out of this world,'" he grinned feeling smug about his play on words. I giggled and blushed hoping my teen emotions wouldn't give away my innocence.

After docking the truck, everyone came out to greet us and help unload so the truck could be returned before dawn. Our guests soon arrived with Aaron and Brandt leading the way. It was like a 'meet and greet' that had been in my memory from when my body was occupied by Pet and she was checking out colleges. Jeb was gathering information from Nate about the other cells that he was in contact with. The others were in small groups sharing stories. It was late into the night and none of us on the raid had slept in nearly 24 hours. Our guests were led to the game room where they would sleep and the rest of us slowly left the party a few at a time to head off to bed. As I sat listening to Doc tell our story to Evan, Tom, and Kim from the visiting clan, my eyes felt heavier and heavier. My head lay against Ian's chest.

He placed his hand on my cheek and shook me gently. "Come on. Let's get you to bed, my Darling." He nudged me to my feet and then scooped me into his arms and said our "good nights" as he carried me towards the tunnel.

When I woke it was light and Ian was not in the room with me. Had he changed his mind? Where did he sleep? A wave of sadness washed over me as I realized that my big night, my first night with Ian did not happen and may never happen. I sat up, my hair everywhere like a big fluffy bird's nest. If he saw me like this he would probably run screaming in the night. If it _was_ night then at least I could hide in the darkness. My brush … I left it in the truck. I had to get to Trudy or Lily and beg them to make me human again.

I scrambled to get up and as the door swung open I saw Ian's feet standing in front of me. No! I did not want to look up and have him see me like this.

"Wanda!" Ian said with a hint of silliness in his voice. "It's a beautiful morning and you make it all the more beautiful!" Was he kidding? I tried to control my hair in my hands as I looked at him with exasperation. "What's wrong?" He quickly dropped to his knees and placed his hands on my shoulders, searching my eyes for an answer.

"Look at me!" I barked.

He looked at me, searching, trying to find the problem. He was bewildered.

"Ugh, never mind" I muttered as I got up and stormed past him. My emotions were really wreaking havoc on me. I was angry that he left me here to sleep alone. He grabbed me around the waist before I could get through the door.

"Wait, will you talk to me?" he begged, not understanding what could have caused this crisis.

"Where did you sleep last night?" I demanded.

"Right here! Wait, where did you think I slept?" he asked.

I hated feeling emotional like this. At least, when Melanie was in my head with me, she could argue with me and help me to put things into perspective. Now I was selfish when it came to Ian. My eyes welled up as I spoke. "I didn't know where you slept, but … but I woke up and you weren't here and I was all alone and I thought …"

He didn't let me finish. He grabbed my face, bad breath, crazy hair and all and kissed me passionately. "My Darling, as long as we are together, you will never sleep alone. I promise you that." Then he pushed me back onto the mattress and laid his full lips on mine again. My heart began to beat faster and my hands traced his strong back and then around to his chest. Maybe my big night was going to happen after all. He pulled me on top of him and I felt like I was floating above him. My head started swimming in this pool of elation.

And then he stopped.

He pulled my face away from his and heaved a huge sigh that made my body rise and fall with the deep breath in his lungs. "I'm sorry, my Darling. I lost control there for a minute. Please forgive me. You are just so alluring."

"What? Why did you stop? Are you insane?"

"It's just that …"

I could see it coming. Melanie had gone through this with Jared when she first met him. He claimed she was too young and he would feel like a child molester or something. "It's just that I want it to be right … and right now is not the right time." He wouldn't elaborate on 'when' the right time would be and I was afraid to ask. I rolled off his chest onto the mattress and let out a sigh of my own.

"Don't be angry. I promise you, I won't make you wait forever." Forever? I'm a teenager. Every day is like forever in this body. He looked deep into my eyes. "I still love you," and he smiled his big beautiful smile. I couldn't be mad.

"I love you, too" and I kissed him on the tip of his nose. "Just remember, my forever and your forever are two different things." He knew I was referring to the fact that I had lived in nine different hosts on nine different planets before arriving here on Earth, the most beautiful of planets. In human years, I was thousands of years old. Life is so short here. How could he make me wait even one day? I gave up the fight. For now.

"Do you want to eat or bathe first?" I asked.

"I already bathed while you slept. Let's go get some breakfast." I looked at him suspiciously. Hmmm. Figures, he bathed so we wouldn't be alone, naked, in the dark, together. Obviously planned. I grabbed a set of clean clothes from my neatly folded pile of clothes on the shelf Ian had built for me when he was still unsure that I would move into this room with him. I grabbed an elastic hair tie and put my uncombed hair into what resembled more of a hairball than a pony tail. Ian waited patiently at the door and took my hand as we disappeared into the darkness of the tunnels.

As we approached the kitchen, I could hear the sound of familiar voices. Jamie was the first to greet us. "Wanda! Ian! I've been waiting for you." Jamie rushed over and gave me a bear hug. Again this body betrayed me. Jamie was now bigger than me and I disappeared in his arms just I did in everyone else's. I wrapped my arms around his waist and squeezed as hard as I could and he laughed at my weak attempt. "What is up with your hair?" It seemed my puff ball was in his face as I held him, dirty and ratty from the raid instead of soft and flowing as it usually was.

"You know what? I could just cut it all off!" I retorted.

"No … No I was just playing!" He shot a look at Ian. Ian shot a look back. One that transmitted that I obviously wasn't in a great mood and that he'd give him the details later.

"What would you like for breakfast? Thanks to you we have just about everything and I would be happy to cook for you." Jamie towed me over to the array of foods to choose from on the slab counter. There was fresh fruit, peaches, bananas, and blueberries. I had gotten blueberries especially for Lily because I knew she loved them and my heart was still aching for the loss of her Wes.

"Has Lily eaten yet?"

"I don't think so. I haven't seen her this morning."

"Tell you what. You make enough blueberry pancakes for me, Lily, and anyone else who would like them. I'll go and get Lily."

"I'll take some of that action." Ian piped over the voices of the others in the kitchen.

"You can help Jamie, then" I replied bluntly to Ian. As I moved through the room to get to the doorway I passed Nate and Burns, the soul from the visiting clan.

"Hey Wanda. What's the hurry?" Burns asked as he lumbered in front of me blocking my progress.

"The guys are making blueberry pancakes and I am going to get Lily. I'll be back in a few." I slid around Burns and his hand reached out to touch my puffball.

"Blueberry pancakes! Bring it on! I'll save you some!" he called back to me as I raced into the tunnel.

It was dark in the tunnels and I was glad for the darkness because I didn't want to bring attention to myself when I looked so horrid. I remembered that I needed to ask Lily for her brush when I saw her. It struck me funny … not funny … almost sad that when I was in Melanie's body my face had been tattered from the several attacks when these humans still thought of me as an "it" rather than a "she". I didn't care about what I looked like. My main objective was to stay alive. Now as an accepted member of the clan in this new body I was vain. I couldn't depend on my strength or my speed so I relied on my beauty.

Lilly's make shift door was still in the closed position when I got to her room. I tapped lightly. "Lily? Are you awake?" I spoke barely above a whisper not wanting to wake her rudely. "Lily, Jamie is making your favorite breakfast in the kitchen." It hadn't occurred to me until this moment that she might not like pancakes, even _with_ blueberries in them.

"Wanda? Is that you? Come in." I entered quietly into the room. It was not as bright as my room. The walls were more solid, closer to the core of the rock, more sturdy with less cracks allowing less light into it. She looked lost on the large mattress that she surely would have shared with Wes had he still been alive.

"Jamie is making blueberry pancakes. I know you like blueberries …"

"I love blueberry pancakes! Oh Wanda, Thank you for thinking of me!" She scrambled to her knees and began to make her bed. She was very neat and her room reflected that. Ian wasn't so neat. His clothes were always thrown into a corner and the few items he had managed to acquire were also thrown rather haphazardly in the room. I thought to myself that I would have to work on this with him.

"Can I borrow your brush? I left mine in the truck and it's already been returned to the hiding place. After breakfast I am going to wash my hair. Look at it! It soooo needs conditioning!"

"Of course. You can keep it. I have another. I can't believe you brought back blueberries!"

"I brought them for you. But I didn't realize my pancake idea would be such a hit. There won't be any left over for you to snack on."

"Don't be silly!" She beamed. Lily looked happier than I had seen her in a long while and I was glad that I was able to put the smile back on her face.

As we entered the kitchen, it was as if the party from last night had never ended. There were many more people in there now and they were all claiming a small space as their own and the call of "pancakes up" brought Nate to his feet. He approached the cook to accept the offered plate. Jamie waved to us as we entered. Trudy was now at the stove doing the cooking instead of Jamie.

"Hey you guys!" he chirped. "We got so many orders that now we are making a choice of banana or blueberry pancakes, but I made sure I put enough blueberries aside for you and Lily's pancakes."

"By WE, you mean Trudy?" I spoke like the big sister I considered myself to be.

"Trudy pushed me out." He smiled sheepishly. "She did! Ask Ian." I jabbed him in the stomach playfully and he poked me right back. Before long, everyone had their fill of pancakes and many of the crowd had left the kitchen. Kyle and Sunny entered the room and I noticed Burns straighten up in his seat as he glanced in her direction. It seemed to me that Burns had an interest in Sunny and I couldn't help but wonder what Kyle would think of that. Sunny inhabited Jodie's body and Jodie was Kyle's love. Doc had removed Sunny from the host the same day he had freed Melanie's body from me, but Jodie never came back. Her body was catatonic and after a long while Kyle asked Doc to put Sunny back into Jodie's body. Sunny's memories of Kyle provided by Jodie's life before Sunny were strong and for that reason she loved Kyle just as Jodie did. Kyle on the other hand seemed torn over the whole situation. Although he cared for Sunny and her sweetness, he couldn't let go of the fact that Sunny would never be Jodie and it seemed so unfair that Melanie came back but Jodie didn't. Still, he treated Sunny like a little sister. He protected her and he never minded her need to be constantly touched or held, but he never kissed her other than a peck on the forehead or the nose. At least not that I had ever witnessed. Would Kyle accept that another man might show an interest in Sunny? The fact that they were both souls only increased their compatibility. I was one to talk; being a soul in love with Ian and still harboring residual feelings for Jared as well.

"Wanda?" Ian interrupted my thoughts. "Are you okay? You look a million miles away."

"Um, sorry. Just daydreaming. I think I'll go take my bath now."

"Do you want me to go with you to keep you company?" he asked.

I was still a little perturbed that he had taken his bath without me. "No, you hang out. I'll be back in a little bit."

He wasn't sure how to take my answer and his face showed his skepticism but he kissed me quickly and stepped back to allow me to pass.

Burns rose suddenly and spoke. "Wanda. Are you going to the facilities? Can I follow you? I don't remember how to get there."

"Sure, no problem" I waited for Burns to cross the room to me and as we turned to leave the room I saw Ian looking a little tense. Burns was the tallest man here. He was taller than Kyle. He moved with a smoothness about him. He projected a shyness but I sensed that he was more cerebral and didn't voice his opinions unless asked. He was good looking, not like Ian, but his sandy red hair draped his forehead framing his kind features in an almost boyish way.

Burns was not comfortable with the tunnel system of our compound and I remembered when I first arrived here how Jeb had taken my elbow to guide me through the darkness. I offered my arm for Burns to cling onto and he took it willingly. "I'm glad we finally have the chance to talk and share stories," he said in a low voice.

"I'm sure you heard my story last night. Didn't you?"

"Yes. But I didn't hear it from your point of view. I love my family but they don't always understand the thoughts that go through my head and there is no one who can truly understand my feelings."

"I know what you mean."

"So, this is your second host on this planet? How were you ever able to sacrifice yourself like that?" I couldn't see his eyes in the dark but his grasp on my arm tightened with the question and I could feel his anguish at the thought of putting my fragile silver body in the hands of the humans.

We entered the bathing room and in the dim light he turned to stare at me trying to understand. I looked away feeling very shy. "I'm going to hop in the tub. You know your way through to the back room, right?"

"You know I would like to finish this conversation if you don't mind. I could sit with you while you bathe. It's pitch black in there and I promise to sit against the wall. I just have so many questions."

I realized at that moment that I had a ton of questions for him as well _and_ I wanted to find out about his thoughts on Sunny. "Sure, we can talk but I think we should take turns asking questions."

"Deal."

We entered the blackness together and separated immediately. I laid my clothes and my toothbrush on the side of the hole that served as a bathtub. It could easily hold ten people. It was more like a Jacuzzi or a small pool because there was an undercurrent that kept fresh water constantly flowing through it. It was quiet except for the light splash as I dunked my head under water again and again trying to get my hair wet enough to shampoo. I heard Burns return to the room and step carefully along the wall. Then his steps stopped and I heard him sit.

"Wanda? You still here?"

"Yes."

"So tell me how you came to be here."

I told him my story of how Melanie was in my head with me providing me with vivid memories of Jared and Jamie and yet putting up a wall as to where to find them

until she was sure that I could be trusted not to turn them all in. I told him of how I had been held prisoner and beaten by Jared and Ian and Kyle. Although I could not see him, I could hear his breath stop with each detail of their murderous thoughts. I told him that Jeb was my greatest ally in the beginning even though I couldn't for the life of me understand why. I told him about Jamie and his unconditional love for both Melanie and me and how he was the first to accept both of us together.

"Wait. I'm confused. You love Jared and he beat you, twice. You love Ian and he tried to strangle you to death and would have succeeded if not for Jeb. Kyle came within seconds of finishing you off and he has Sunny following him around like a puppy dog. I don't get it. How can you _love_ these people?"

"When you put it like that, I guess you might be confused. I tried very hard to look at it from their perspective. They are the last of a dying breed and here I was … the enemy."

"But you were a just a girl _and_ souls don't condone violence."

"That maybe true but a Seeker has been known to use whatever means necessary to hunt down the humans. My Seeker killed Wes and almost killed Brandt. She may not have condoned violence but she still used it when she needed to _and _she was a girl. The humans thought I was some super Seeker capable of just about anything."

"Then why didn't they just kill you or better yet leave you to die in the desert?"

"Because I was Melanie. Melanie is Jeb's niece. In the beginning, I think Jeb just wanted to keep me alive because he couldn't bear to destroy Melanie's body. That's what I think but you would have to ask Jeb."

"Hmm. But that still doesn't answer my question about the love part."

"Melanie and I were separate but one. We were like sisters forced to share a body. We fought together and cried together; worried together and plotted together. Loving her was easy and she loved Jared so that was easy for me too. Jamie and Jeb were easy to love as well. They accepted me and protected me even when it seemed hopeless."

"Ian. What about Ian. How can you love him?"

I sighed. "I can't tell you how that happened, exactly. He confessed his guilt at trying to murder me to Jared and from that moment on he was a different Ian. Maybe that's the reason he loves me. Because of his guilt. I never considered that before." In that moment Burns had given me something to think about. What _if_ Ian only loved me out of guilt? I pushed the thought to the back of my head hoping desperately that it was not the case. I needed to change the subject.

"Tell me your story."

"My host's family lived in the mountains; on a large piece of land handed down from generation to generation. My host's name was Frank. Frank hated living so far from civilization. He had to take a bus for forty five minutes each day just to get to school. He had few friends due to the distance and the few girls that gave him a second look gave up when Frank couldn't be there for them; again due to the distance and the lack of transportation. He studied hard and begged his father to let him go to college. His father cared enough that he sold a piece of his land to fund Frank's college tuition and so Frank went off to pursue his dream."

"So, when did you get placed in Frank's body?"

"Frank was at college and he wasn't feeling well. He went to the clinic and there I was placed."

"Did you go back to see Frank's family on the mountain?"

"I did." I could hear his breath grow ragged almost panicked. He paused for a long minute. Then he spoke slowly and deliberately. "I went back to the mountain hoping to see my family. I found my mother and my sister who had both been implanted with a soul shot to death. My father who was still human had shot himself." He got very quiet and I could hear him sniffing back the emotions that were too great to hold back. I wanted to go to him and hold him but I was still in the tub even though I had long since finished cleansing myself.

"I'm sorry," I said barely above a whisper. "I understand your pain and I wish I could take it from you."

"Thank you," he said his voice cracking with anguish. I gave him a minute to grieve and took the opportunity to brush my teeth, get out the tub, dry myself off, and put on my clothes. I stepped towards the light sniffles and sat down next to Burns and reached for his forearm. He put his hand over mine and we sat in silence for a few minutes before I attempted to ask another question.

"So, where did you go after that? Back to college? How did you end up with Nate?"

"I buried my family and after that I just stayed in the house. I had no desire to go back to college. My aspirations were buried with my father. I hated that my life form had destroyed this family. I hated that the human race felt so desperate to survive that they would rather die than accept us. I lived alone. A hermit. I didn't want to associate with my own kind. I only spoke to them in passing when I needed to."

"And Nate?" Burns did not get to answer. Ian stormed through the entrance abruptly. "Wanda? What the hell? Why are you sitting here in the dark … with _him_?" He may have been pointing at Burns but it was dark and I couldn't see either one of them. "Are you even _dressed_?" I could hear the anger in his voice.

"Whoa, we were just talking!" Burns replied in my defense.

"Ian how could you?" Ian reached down and grabbed my arm and pulled me to my feet. I tried to pull away but Ian was so strong and so angry. He dragged me to the other room where the dim light shone near the two rivers. He was tugging me towards the light which was near the first river. Suddenly, the memory of Kyle dragging me towards the river to my death came flooding back to me and I panicked. "NO!" I struggled. "NO! Kyle, let me go!"

Everything happened so fast. Ian hearing me call him Kyle stopped him cold as he realized the horror that was going through my head. Burns rushed into the room and flew past me, slamming Ian to the ground. Ian didn't fight back but slid away from Burns, got up, and fled the room. My heart stopped. Burns lay sprawled on the floor still shocked at his reaction.

"Burns! Are you alright?"

"Yes. Are you?"

"I'm so sorry. I have to go to Ian. Can you find your way out?"

"Yes, but …"

I didn't wait for anything more. I sprinted out of the room and down the tunnel. I went straight to our room. He wasn't there. I went to the kitchen. He wasn't there. I went to Doc's infirmary. He wasn't there. My chest was heaving from both the running and the horrible fear that I would lose him. I needed to think. My mind was racing. I grabbed a flashlight from Doc's desk and I went to the game room. There were several people there and plenty of light. Ian had not come here. I tried to think of where I would go if I were trying to hide. I headed for the eastern field where Ian and I had often hid when we were trying to avoid Jamie. I prayed he would be there. He wasn't. I collapsed. I put my head in my hands and started to sob. The thoughts of Ian loving me out of guilt rose to the surface yet again and I sobbed harder. Everything had been going so well. We were happy. These last twenty four hours seemed to be a nightmare. Please let me wake up and be in Ian's arms again.

I rose to my feet and sullenly walked back towards the main cavern. I would go to the one person who could talk some sense to me. I would go see Melanie. I saw Kyle and Sunny coming in my direction and I rushed to them and asked if they had seen Ian. He hadn't, but he could see the panic on my face. I couldn't explain what had just transpired; not with Sunny there. I just begged him to help me find Ian. I told him of the places I had already checked and that I was going to see Mel. He walked me to Mel's room where she was alone with Jared sharing a moment. As soon as they saw my expression they pulled me down onto the mattress and begged me for the details. Kyle took off in search of his brother. After maybe fifteen minutes, Kyle returned and said that Ian was in the same shape as I was. He too was sobbing. He was with Lily who was trying unsuccessfully to console him.

I was gone in a flash headed to Lily's room. I wasn't running but I wasn't walking either. It was sort of a quick walk with pauses as I considered how to handle this mess. When I turned the corner to the intersection of rooms and saw Ian sitting against the wall, all my plans and considerations went right out the window. I walked towards him slowly, my hands held out towards him, each step my knees bending more and more bringing me closer to the floor, closer to him. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to …"

"Stop!" he bellowed. "You don't belong with me. I _am_ a monster. Burns is like you. You should be with him."

I stopped dead in my tracks. Anger pushed its way all through my body. I wanted to beat the living daylights out of him. I turned around, my back to him. I needed to think before I reacted. "Lily, I know this is your room but can I ask you to please leave. Get Jeb. If we cannot resolve this, one of us is going to die." It was an empty threat but when I turned back to face Ian he was staring at me in shock.

"Wanda, don't do ANYTHING until I get back. PROMISE ME!" Lily blurted out.

"GO!"

I looked at Ian with intensity, my question burning in my chest. "Do … you … love me? Just answer the question."

"Yes"

"Why?"

"Because you make me happy."

"Then why are you sitting here in tears."

"Wanda, I …"

"Just answer the question."

"Because I don't deserve you."

"And why pray tell is that?"

"Because you are so good and I am a monster."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes as I asked the next question even though I was scared to death of his answer. "Do you love me because you feel guilty for trying to kill me?"

He paused, deliberating his answer. "I _do_ feel both remorse and guilt for trying to kill you." My heart sank and I felt like I was going to throw up. "But that is _not_ the reason I am in hopelessly and desperately in love with you." I opened my eyes at the surprise of his words. "I love you because you are everything a woman would hope to be. You are kind, compassionate, loving, giving; _too_ giving. Self sacrificing. You are the epitome of good. And to top it all off you are gorgeous! What have I done to deserve you?"

My mind began to race through all of the touching moments I spent with Ian in the last few months. I needed to express my feelings as clearly as possible to leave him with no misunderstanding. "You are the second person today to ask me why you deserve my love." I paused. I could see in Ian's red rimmed eyes that he understood that Burns had asked me this same question. "I do not believe the question was asked out of romantic interest in me, but rather …"

Ian blurted out. "I was jealous. I admit it. How can I compete with a soul?"

"Stop it!" My heart crumbled. I needed to touch him. I needed to comfort him and be comforted by him. But I needed to finish this conversation as well. For the first time all day I felt like an adult and not a whiny teenager. Maybe if I hadn't been a whiny teenager, none of this would have happened in the first place. I _would _fix this if it took all day. "Ian. I need you to hold me. Please?" I dropped to my knees and as I leaned toward him he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me to his lap. He wrapped himself around me and started rocking back and forth like a child who had just found his favorite stuffed animal. We both sobbed and it brought me back to the night that he found out I was going to give Melanie back her body. But no one was going to die tonight. Was our passion and insecurities so much that we were doomed to torture each other? No. We would have to come to an understanding. We would have to tell each other our fears.

"Ian, I will always love you."

"The last time you said that to me, you were planning on leaving me." He said fear in his voice.

He was telling me his greatest fear. He was afraid I would leave him. "I will never leave you and I will never love another. Ever. I told you this once before. Didn't you believe me?"

"Humans are fickle. Before the souls came here, most couples didn't last. Sure they loved each other in the beginning but then time would pass and someone else would come along in their life that was better suited or sometimes just more exciting and they

would embrace the new relationship and leave the old one behind. Broken hearts were not uncommon."

"So … You're afraid that Burns is going to steal my heart and I will leave you because you don't deserve me and he does? Is that what you are thinking? This is your greatest fear?"

"I dread it."

"It's never going to happen." I stared into his pleading eyes. He grabbed me to kiss my lips. "Wait!" I pulled back from his lips. "Do you want to know what my greatest fear is?"

At that moment I could hear footsteps in the tunnel. It was Lily and Jeb. Lily was still freaking out. Jeb was telling Lily to calm down. As they rounded the corner into view Jeb came to a sudden halt, gun in hand. Ian and I were in each others arms as I sat on his lap.

"Ya see? Told you there was nothing to be alarmed about. Jeesh. Young love. What a pain." He looked annoyed as he said to us, "Are you gonna kill each other today?" Just the way Jeb had delivered this line made us both bust out laughing. He shook his head and mumbled "get married already," and he stomped off. Lily slumped off behind him obviously feeling like the fool. I would have to do a lot of apologizing for making her crazy with worry.

Ian put his hand around my neck and whispered, "Just one" and he pressed his lips to mine lightly and then again. "Oh, hell," he said and then he went in for the kill. I knew there was something we still needed to talk about but I couldn't think of it. Not now. As we kissed I twisted my body so that instead of sitting on his lap I was straddling him. The burn of his lips was shooting an intense current through my body and the tingle of my inner thighs had me wet with desire. I was kissing his neck and trying to open his shirt. Suddenly he grabbed my wrists. He was panting. "Wanda, stop." I didn't want to. I was at the base of his neck working my way to his chest. "WANDA, STOP!" He pushed me off of him with force but not enough to hurt me.

I was livid. "You started this!" I pushed myself against the wall a few feet away from him and wrapped my arms around my legs. Tears began to flow freely down my cheeks again. "Do you want to know what _my_ biggest fear is?"

He didn't move. "What?"

"My biggest fear is that you will never make love to me because for some stupid reason you are afraid of me. Do you think my tentacles are going to come out of my body like some stupid horror movie?"

Ian looked at me dumbfounded. He looked as though he was considering what I had said and then he busted out laughing.

"What's so funny?" I asked surprised at his laughter.

"You're kidding right?" he said still grinning. Chuckles were still escaping as he looked at me trying to regain his composure.

After a minute he sat silent again and he said, "First of all, I am not afraid to make love to you. As a matter of a fact, that is all I think about. That is why I got up before you and took my bath without you."

"I _knew_ it." He had confirmed my earlier suspicions of not wanting to be alone with me in the tub.

"Did you hear what Jeb said before he left us?"

"Um. He said that young love was a pain. I guess he was right."

"No. He said we should get married."

Now _I _was dumbfounded. I felt like I didn't understand what he was getting at.

"I want to marry you Wanda. I want you to be my wife. To be Mrs. Ian O'Shea."

Again I was dumbfounded. I sat there like a statue, frozen to the ground; a stalactite or stalagmite. Ian slid over to me hunching over to look into my eyes to see if I was awake.

Finally, I spoke. "You. Want to. Marry. _Me_?"

He smiled a huge smile still hunched to keep his eyes on mine. He nodded his head as he said, "Yes. I want _you_ to marry _me_."

"Wanda O'Shea?" My eyes were still fixated on his.

"Yes."

I threw my arms around his neck. I was on my knees and he slowly got up pulling me with him.

"Oh Ian, I can't believe it!"

"You still haven't answered the question."

"Yes, yes, yes!" I must have said it twenty times kissing a different part of his face every time.

"Now you can't go making me crazy. It's not like I can take you on a honeymoon so I want our wedding night to be special. Do you understand?"

"Oh, Ian! Yes I understand completely," and then I planted a hot and heavy kiss on his lips which made us both crazy. And I understood when he made us stop.


	2. Chapter 2

Bonding

There were two people who we needed to see because we owed them an apology; Lily, because I had worried her into panic mode and Burns, because Ian had worried _him_ into panic mode. We left Lily's room happy again. We strode silently through the tunnels looking for them. I was glad to have Ian by my side and I was hoping that we would never have an explosive argument like that again.

Ian finally broke the silence. "Wanda. Would you do me a favor?"

"Sure, what?" We were just entering the big cavern and there was a group of people gathered at the far end of the room.

Ian leaned in towards my ear and spoke calmly and softly. "Promise me that you won't spend time alone with Burns?"

I turned abruptly to Ian and answered in a low voice. "I thought we settled all of this?" I started to feel a little queasy.

"We did. I trust you, I do. But I can't help feeling jealous around that guy." It seemed odd to me that he would be jealous after our tearful reunion. But he did state that as his number one fear.

"I really wanted to finish my conversation with him." I said, as if asking for his permission.

"Can't I be a part of that conversation?" he said as if asking for _my _permission.

"It's just that there are things, emotions really…that…only he and I can understand."

His expression changed to exasperation. "Proving yet again how easy it is to be jealous of him." He lowered his eyes as he shook his head.

"Point taken." I paused. "Okay, I don't mind if you join our conversation but _he _might mind."

"And if he does?"

"Then you are going to have to overcome the 'green-eyed monster' and trust me." I realized as soon as the words slipped from my mouth that I wanted to take them back. 'Monster' was not the word I should have used. He stepped back with a look of crippling pain. I stepped forward and reached on my tiptoes to put my arms around his neck. I needed to bring him back to reality. "Ian, let it go or tonight I will seduce you while you sleep, and then you won't be able to stop yourself. You'll ruin all your perfect honeymoon plans and you don't want to disappoint Mrs. O'Shea, now do you?" I spoke in my most seductive and flirty voice.

"You're killing me!" he said as the smile returned to his face. He pulled my feet off the floor and planted a loving kiss on my lips. In the background, we heard Kyle let out a "Whoop, whoop, whoop" in approval of our kiss.

The group across the room had all the people that had been involved in our misunderstanding, Burns, Lily, Jeb, Jared and Mel, Kyle and Sunny, and Nate and Jamie were with them as well. Ian slung his arm around my shoulders and guided me towards them.

My eyes first locked on Lily. "I'm so sorry I worried you."

"The 'someone's going to die' seriously freaked me out." She replied still looking leery.

"I know and I'm sorry. It was really meant to get Ian's attention to my frustration."

"It worked." Ian blurted out. He still had his arm around my shoulders and his hand slid up and down my arm as if to sooth me. He dropped his arm and stepped forward towards Burns. "Hey. I'm sorry too about the misunderstanding back there. I just get a little possessive when it comes to Wanda. I've done my time with the sharing thing." He shot a look at Jared and Mel and they both looked at the floor to avoid the pain that suddenly crossed his face.

"So you lovebirds made up." Jeb interjected. "Never would have expected that!" he said stroking his beard.

"Actually, Jeb, you forced my hand." Ian had switched his gaze to Jeb. Jeb looked back at Ian with a knowing look but when he spoke he acted innocent.

"I forced your hand?" he said using his poker face.

Ian turned to me in front of the group and got down on one knee and took my hand. "Wanderer, you are the most beautiful and loving creature in my world and I can't live without you. Will you be my bride?" Even though I had already been through this scene just an hour before, I couldn't help but get emotional all over again. The tears ran down my cheeks as I said "Yes, Ian. I want that more than anything." He stood and took my face in his hands and whispered I love you as he kissed me again. I was starting to feel a little woozy when Jeb cleared his throat quite loudly. I blushed a deep shade of red as I pulled away from Ian's face and saw the crowd trying to not stare at us.

Jamie stepped forward and threw his arms around the both of us. "Cool! Can I be in the wedding?" I hadn't even thought about the actual wedding, just the fact that I was going to be Mrs. Ian O'Shea.

I looked at Ian for approval. "Will there be a real wedding?" I asked him.

"Of course. Anything you want Angel." He replied looking very satisfied.

I turned back to Jamie. "Then of course you can be in the wedding. Just give me some time to think about this whole thing."

Kyle piped up. "There's never been a wedding since we came to the caverns. It should be quite a party." So much to think about but I could spend all night thinking about that, especially since I had to do _something _to keep Ian from losing control in our bed. Right now I needed to finish my conversation with Burns.

Jeb regained control of the crowd. "Well. It's not going to happen today. I'm sure everyone has something to do. Tomorrow we'll be working on gettin' those mirrors clean; so everyone skedaddle!" The crowd dispersed.

"Burns?" I called out and instantaneously grabbed Ian's hand to reassure him that my intention was to include him.

Burns stopped and turned. "Yeah?"

I moved forward towards him with Ian in tow. "We never got to finish our conversation and I was hoping…" His eyes darted to my hand wrapped around Ian's. "I was hoping that we could still finish it." He gazed down the hall at Kyle and Sunny as

they disappeared into the darkness.

"Sure, sure." He answered not looking back at me.

"Do you mind if Ian tags along?" He turned back and looked at Ian, whose hand had tightened around mine with no intention of letting go.

"Sure. Where?"

Ian interjected. "Let's go to our room. It's private and there's plenty of light."

Nate followed as well and since Burns didn't stop him I figured he would be okay to join us. My story had already unfolded this morning, so it was my turn to ask Burns the questions. We all sat crossed legged in a square next to the mattress in our room. I felt embarrassed that our room scant as it was; was so messy.

"So, Burns you were about to tell me how you found Nate."

Nate reacted. "Everyone already knows this story."

Burns glared at Nate. "Excuse my friend. He assumes too much."

Burns continued. "I was living alone in the house and some of the people in the town asked me what my calling was. I couldn't tell them I was student and I didn't want to work in the town. I had to think of a calling that would make sense to them. I told them that my human father had killed the souls and the hosts of my mother and sister. I didn't tell them that he took his own life. Instead I told them that he disappeared and for that reason I had chosen to be a Seeker. They had sympathy for me and believed everything I told them. I was able to stay at my home in the mountains for weeks at a time without having to come back to town. They never asked me what I was doing up there. They just assumed I was on the road somewhere looking for humans."

I slipped my hand to the inside of Ian's thigh when I saw him flinch at the word 'Seeker'. Ian was leaning forward, his arms folded tightly across his chest as if trying to hold his emotions in check.

Burns spoke again. "I was living my life in peace. I wasn't content but I did appreciate the beauty of the land. It was months before I met Nate. I would often go on walks through the woods to explore all the plants and creatures that shared my mountain. Then one day I could hear someone yelling. I really wasn't sure where it was coming from and it took me some time to track the sound. I found Nate in an old well that had grown over from years of disuse. He had fallen through and broken his leg. It was a pretty bad break. I told him to hold on and I raced back to the house to get some rope and a tarp. When I got back I could see that he knew I wasn't like him. I fashioned a seat with the rope and the tarp so I could pull him up. I threw down my creation and told him to sit in it. He refused."

Nate spoke up again. "You gotta understand. I had ten other people I had to think about. I couldn't risk them being found. I was weak but I wasn't crazy."

Ian shook his head in agreement and I looked at Burns feeling his frustration.

Burns pressed on. "I knew the only way I was going to get him out of that hole was to do it myself and he was not going to come willingly. I tied the rope around a tree and found a sturdy tree limb that had fallen to the forest floor. It was a struggle but eventually I managed to push it to the edge of the hole. When I pushed it in, it laid at an angle giving me a better footing when I pulled us both out."

Ian shook his head again. "It's a good thing you're such a big guy."

Nate responded as well. "You're telling me. Dragging my unconscious body couldn't have been easy."

"Unconscious?" I interrupted.

Burns responded to my question. "Well yeah. He fought me as soon as my feet touched the ground and so I had to resort to knocking him out. I just kept telling myself that I was saving his life. I hit him in the back of the head with a tree branch and he dropped like a rock."

Nate nodded in agreement and then spoke. "When I woke up I was in his bed which he had moved to the root cellar and he was nowhere to be found. I knew I couldn't run. The door was locked anyway. I was trapped like a rat. I was waiting for the enemy to return with an army of parasites ready to change me into one of them. There wasn't even anything in the room to kill myself with. Burns was good. He had thought of everything."

Burns smiled at him. "Lucky for you!"

Nate put his hand on Burns' shoulder. "Lucky for me."

I was getting impatient. "Where did you go?"

"I knew that Nate was hurt badly and in a lot of pain. I went into town to the hospital and told them that I was headed out on a dangerous mission in the mountains and that I needed supplies in case I was hurt and unable to return to be treated. The healer was most helpful. He gave me an assortment of hospital supplies."

I was familiar with these items. "Let me guess. He gave you 'No Pain, Clean, Heal, and Deep Clean.'"

"Exactly. He gave me "Smooth" as well. I came back to the house and Nate had positioned himself behind the door in an attempt to escape. He knocked me to the floor but he didn't get far."

"I didn't even make it up the steps of the root cellar." Nate said dismally.

"Well, you were in a ton of pain and you hadn't eaten in two days." Burns replied in Nate's defense. "Anyway, I dragged him back to the room and I tried to reason with him. I told him I had no weapons and that I had no intentions on turning him in. I told him that I could heal his injuries and that he needed to trust me. I told him that a soul had to be inserted surgically and I would do nothing that would require a scalpel. I offered him the 'No Pain' and at first he refused. I explained that even if what I was giving him killed him, whoever he was trying to protect would be safe. He finally took the 'No Pain'."

Nate had been waiting for his chance to speak. "It was awesome! If my leg had not been so mangled that it would not hold me up I would have run out of there at that moment."

Burns looked at Nate in surprise. "And I thought you trusted me." He shook his head.

"What?" Nate retorted his face twisted into a grin and his hands held out palms up.

Burns continued. "I used the 'Clean, Heal, Deep Clean, and Smooth' to repair his leg. When I was done I held the door open and invited him to leave, but he didn't go."

Nate explained. "I was afraid that if I went I would be leading a pack of them right to my family. So, I stayed. I figured I would wait until the right opportunity presented itself. I considered killing Burns but for all I knew there were Seekers hiding in wait. I couldn't take that chance. I could kill myself now that I was healed but I didn't want to die especially if there was a chance this guy over here was telling the truth."

"He stayed with me for weeks. We even went for walks together."

I couldn't help but giggle. "Aw, how romantic, I teased."

Nate suddenly shoved Burns' shoulder in the same playful way that Kyle and Ian had done and Burns ended up lying on his side. "No way!" Nate bellowed.

The boys regained their composure and Nate spoke. "Burns never asked me about who I might be protecting. He just seemed to be enjoying my company. I knew my family had probably assumed the worst. One night I decided to take a chance. I left in the middle of the night and wandered off into the woods. I didn't go in the direction of my family. I stayed in the woods for two days watching, waiting, for any sign of a Seeker. Finally, I went to a place where I knew my family would see me. I let them see that I had no scar on my neck and I went to them using what we call the emergency back door. I told them what had happened. We hunkered down for two weeks watching for Seekers. They never came and we were in desperate need of supplies. I decided to go back to Burns. I'm not sure why exactly. I can't explain it other than that he saved me from dying in that hole and then he healed my broken body. As I approached the house the shades were down and the word "NO" was written on them. There was an unfamiliar car in front of the house. I waited in the shadows of the forest. Eventually, two people, a man and a woman exited the house and got into the car and drove off. When they left, Burns put the shades up and came out onto the front porch and sat in a chair and began to read.

"He warned you." Ian said unfolding his arms for the first time. He reached to my hand still buried under his folded leg and pulled my hand out and held it between his two hands. "How did you know this wasn't a ploy to gain your trust?"

"Ian!" I stared at him incredulously.

Nate answered Ian. "Exactly! At what point did you put your trust in Wanda?"

Ian thought about this for a minute. "I don't know if there was a precise moment. It started for me when she put herself between Kyle and Jared."

Nate snapped back. "Isn't that when you tried to strangle her?"

Ian closed his eyes and pulled my hand to his face and whispered, "Yes." And then with anguish in his voice he added, "I'm so sorry my darling angel."

I turned to him grabbing his chin with my free hand and trying to capture his eyes in mine. "Hey, we're all here happy and healthy. I don't want to dwell on the negative only the positive. Okay?" He still didn't open his eyes. I moved his chin back and forth letting him know I was expecting an answer. "Okay?" He finally opened his eyes and I stared at them with reassuring intensity.

"Okay." He whispered.

I pulled his arm up and over my shoulders so I could lean into his chest and our fingers were still intertwined. It was my turn to speak. "So, Nate, you made a decision to trust Burns?"

Nate looked uncomfortable at the reactions his words had caused. He would

probably be on his best behavior now. "I did. I brought him to our hideout and a friendship was born."

"Wow. It seems we both have fascinating stories." I said looking off into space trying to reel in all of the details. "Burns can I ask you a personal question?"

Burns looked at me with suspicion. "Sure, hasn't everything we've said here been personal?"

"This is different. It's not about the past. It's about the present. About your emotions." I felt Ian tense expecting me to ask a direct question about his feelings for me. Ian was not prepared to deal with this question. "It's about Sunny." Ian straightened up and let his arm drop from my shoulders. He was puzzled.

"I noticed that you seem to be very ..." I chose my words carefully, "Aware of Sunny's presence whenever you are in the same room together. Do you have a thing for her?" Ian looked shocked.

"Wanda, you are very observant." He smiled sheepishly.

"Well it kept me alive for many months."

"Can you tell me; what is the status of the relationship between Sunny and Kyle?"

I looked at Ian for an answer. Ian looked up surprised. "Why do you ask me?"

"You _are _his brother." I reminded him.

"Hell I don't know. Kyle is nothing like me. I fell in love Wanda for who she is inside. Sunny walks around in Jodie's body. I don't honestly know _what_ he's thinking." He paused. "Plus Sunny is _always _with him. When would I ever get the chance to even ask him?"

"Maybe I can help. Tomorrow I'll see if she would like to bathe when I do. I'll tell her I want to spend some 'girl time' with her. That will give you the time to talk to Kyle. Don't tell him Burns is interested though. Just feel him out. Ask him if another guy was interested in her if he would take it personally. You know … see if he holds any jealousy."

"I hate doing that crap. Can't someone else be your patsy?" Ian muttered.

"Absolutely not. First of all, you are his brother and he will be honest with you. Second of all, you can relate. After all aren't you engaged to a 'soul'? And third …" He didn't let me finish.

"Okay, okay. I guess I can take one for the team."

"Thank you." I turned and gave him a peck on the cheek.

"So …" Ian spoke. "Anyone up for a game of soccer?"

I looked at Ian remembering how incredible I was when I was in Mel's body. As a male/female team we were unstoppable. "Not in this body!" I moaned.

"Come on, give it a try. If you really suck, you can be my cheerleader." He grinned.

"Thanks a bunch" I said sarcastically.

The four of us got up and ventured off towards the game room. We found several people in there lounging and talking.

Nate announced "Warning. We are here to take over the game room. Join us or move to the stands."

"What's your game? Rachel asked. Rachel was one of Nate's people. She was there hanging with Rob and Blake who were also from her clan. Rachel and Rob were definitely a couple. Apparently they had been together for some time. They were comfortable with each other. They didn't seem to have the drama or the need for closeness that Ian and I had. Blake was young, probably about my age. He was Rachel's younger brother and he stayed close to her at all times. Reid, Violetta, and John from our clan had been talking with Rachel's group but they bowed out of the competition. We asked them to let the others know of the game if they ran into them.

"Okay." Nate spoke with authority. "The game is soccer and I call captain."

Ian spoke up. "Captain." He paused a moment before he added, "We need to choose teams. Who chooses first?"

I knew that both captains were itching to choose Burns because of his obvious size so I spoke up. "Nate is a guest in our house so he should have the first pick." Ian looked at me as if I had lost my mind. He sighed and conceded to my wishes.

Of course Nate picked Burns first. Then Ian caught a lucky break. Who walked into the room? None other than the only man who was better at soccer than Ian was. The one man who teamed with Ian could annihilate any team, anywhere, any time. It was Ian's big brother Kyle.

"Do I smell a game of soccer?" Kyle bellowed as he joined the group.

Ian grinned from ear to ear. "Hell yeah! It's my turn to pick. Get over here Bro!" I loved watching Ian and Kyle together when they were like this. In my mind I could imagine what it would be like to have two boys full of energy, playing and laughing. A dream. It was a wonderful dream.

Nate chose Rob next. Then Ian chose Blake. The boys were all chosen and that left Rachel, Sunny, and me. Nate chose Rachel. She was much more athletic than me and much more outgoing than Sunny. Ian looked over at the two of us standing sheepishly together.

"Have either one of you ever played before?" Ian asked.

I gave Ian a scowl. "You know I know _how _to play. I just don't know well this body will play for me."

Sunny piped up. "I'm good. I'll watch. You play Wanda."

Ian took my hand. "I guess you're with me Babe. Try not to trip up Kyle. Okay?"

I stuck my tongue out at him. Kyle came over and patted the top of my head. Ian faded back to the goalie position. Kyle came forward to the point position. Blake and I took the two flank positions and the game was on. Burns got off the first shot because apparently Nate had instructed Rachel to get in Kyle's way as much as possible. Ian caught the ball and saw that Kyle was being double teamed. He called my name and threw the ball in my direction. It landed so close to me. I kept my cool and Blake moved forward on the opposite side of the goal. Nate was trying to play both sides of the goal. I kicked it to Blake and then I charged towards Nate keeping him from the block. Blake smashed it in for the first point.

Ian ran up behind me and lifted me off the ground. "You were awesome Babe!" It was the confidence I needed. I was small but I was quick and they were so busy trying to control Kyle that it gave me opportunities I might not have gotten otherwise. The one time they stopped double teaming Kyle he strong armed his way to the ball, stole it and scored. In the end, the score was close but my boys pulled it off. Even I ended up scoring two goals in the game. I had to admit I had a blast. Ian was beaming like a proud parent.

Nate confessed that it was a good game but said we had the home turf advantage.

Ian teased back. "I'll play you on your turf anytime." It was then that Nate invited all of us to come to their compound in the mountains to meet their clan.

Kyle responded to Nate. "You need to talk to Jeb and Jared. They are considered the leaders of this clan and they would be the ones to make a decision like this."

"I'm hungry." Everyone stopped to look at Sunny who hadn't said much during the entire game. She sat quietly and watched Kyle being mauled by the other team. Only hunger had given her the courage to let her presence be known.

Burns approached her and offered to escort her to the kitchen. I watched Kyle warily. He was self absorbed with Rachel and Rob talking about the sad shape sports was in now that the souls were running things. Sunny called out for Kyle.

Kyle nodded in Sunny's direction. "In a minute," he called back to her.

I stomped over to Sunny. "Come on. You can come with me and Ian and Burns. Kyle will catch up to us later. You need to gain a little independence."

Sunny nodded to me. Ian offered me his arm and I took it. Burns seized the moment and offered Sunny his arm and in a surprise move, she took it. We all moved towards the tunnel and I called back to Kyle over my shoulder. "Sunny will be in the kitchen." We were in the tunnels when I remembered that I had left my clothes, towel, brush, and toothbrush in the bathing room. I needed to go there anyway for other reasons so Ian and I told Sunny and Burns that we would meet them in the kitchen. By the time we got back, Burns and Sunny looked quite cozy in a corner eating and chatting. As I sat down to eat sandwiches and baked beans I realized how much the day had worn me out. I yawned.

"Tired Babe?" Ian had observed my yawn. It was weird he called me 'Babe' during the game. If this was a new nickname I wasn't sure if I liked it. I was trying to get away from being compared to a child.

"Maybe a little nap would help."

Ian chuckled. "It's almost dark. If you fall asleep now, you might as well sleep till morning."

I yawned again.

Just then Jeb came into the kitchen and announced a meeting in the big cavern. We knew this must be to discuss plans for a trip to Nate's mountain clan.

We arrived at the big cavern and most of the inhabitants were settling in on the floor. We waited another five minutes and then Jeb called the meeting to order. Nate was standing at the center of the circle with Jeb. The seven other people from Nate's clan were seated together off to one side.

Jeb cleared his throat. "Now you all have met Nate here and his family. He's told us of his home in the mountains and he assures us that it is safe from Seekers. They have

invited us to come to see their set up and meet the rest of their clan members. I am looking for volunteers but I am only going to allow six of you to go. As much as I

would like to be one of those six people, I will wait until I am sure my family is safe. Who of you would like to be considered for this trip?"

I would guess twelve to fourteen hands shot up. Among those I could see clearly were Kyle, Jared, Mel, Brandt, Aaron, Jamie, Lily, Trudy, and me. Ian's hand did not go up until he realized that my hand was up. Jeb noticed his hesitance at putting up his hand.

"I need all of you with your hands up to please move to the center of the circle. Nate, do you have any specific requests on who you would like as your guests?"

Nate refrained from answering until he could get Burns to come up. They discussed the subject quietly before Nate turned to address the crowd. "Well, Wanda is an anomaly like Burns. I am sure she will prove to be quite interesting as well as a treasure trove of information for my clan. Jared is quite comfortable with travel and he is considered one of the leaders, so he will represent your clan well."

Ian dropped his head and muttered "great" with pure sarcasm.

Jeb addressed Jared first. "Jared, your hand was up. Do you wish to make this trip?"

Jared stood up pulling Melanie to her feet with him. "Yes. I would like to make this trip but you know I will not go without Mel."

Jeb nodded his head. "What about Jamie?"

"Jamie is too young. He can go on the next trip if all is proven safe. He will be safe here with you and Doc."

"Wanda, you also had your hand up. Do you wish to make this trip?"

I stood up just as Jared had done dragging Ian with me. "Yes, I would like to make this trip as well."

Jeb shifted his gaze to Ian as he spoke. "Ian. I noticed that you didn't put your hand up until Wanda's hand was raised. Do you want to make this trip?"

Ian shuffled his feet and looked down before raising his head to face Jeb. "Honestly, I would prefer it if Wanda and I stayed here."

"Ian! No! This is such an opportunity!" I pleaded.

Jeb turned his attention to Kyle. "Kyle, you raised your hand but you know that Sunny is not proven yet and so you cannot take her. How would you feel about accompanying Wanda on this trip?"

Kyle did not get the chance to answer. "NO" Ian blurted out. "Wanda will not be going _anywhere_ without me!"

"Then do you deny your future wife the chance to take this trip?"

I bit my lip and stared at the floor. I couldn't look at him. I knew this decision was based solely on the jealousy he harbored for Burns. "Fine … I wish to make this trip." He sounded defeated. I glanced up at Mel and we both were grinning like Cheshire cats. I wanted to throw my arms around Ian but I was trying to keep the business mood this meeting had taken on.

Jeb turned back to Kyle. "I'm sorry Kyle but I can't have all three of you going. It would leave us without our three strongest men." Kyle nodded in agreement. "Trudy,

although you raised your hand, I see that Geoffrey did not. Would you be willing to take this trip without him?"

Trudy shook her head. "No, I would not."

"That leaves you, Lily. Do you still wish to make this trip?"

"I have no one to answer to. I'm good to go." I was happy Lily was going.

Aaron and Brandt had to make a decision as to which one would go. In the end it was decided that Aaron would come with us. So, the line up was Jared, Mel, Ian, me, Aaron, and Lily. We would leave tomorrow night at sundown.

Jeb called the meeting adjourned and told us all to get some sleep. My bed was definitely calling me. Everyone began to exit except for the six of us and Nate's crew. They were all talking excitedly over each other including Ian who moments before had been dead set on not going. I, on the other hand, was quiet. I had my arm around Ian's waist and Ian had his arm wrapped around my shoulders. My head was slowly fading into his armpit as my shoulders melted into his body. I closed my eyes. I could still hear the din of chatter but I was fading fast. In a repeat of last night, Ian scooped me up into his arms, said our good nights, and whisked me off to our bed. I remember him whispering in my ear "Sleep well, my Love," and the tender brush of his lips on mine. Then I was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

Shattered Dreams

I must have slept hard because I couldn't even remember dreaming. Again Ian was gone when I woke but this time he left a note.

My Darling Angel,

You were sleeping so peacefully like a princess and I didn't want to wake you. I know you will need your rest before we leave tonight. I am in the main cavern helping Jeb clean the mirrors. Please don't be mad. I love you.

Ian

P.S. I didn't bathe yet.

I couldn't help but laugh to myself at the P. S. Well, at least he wasn't _trying _to avoid me. I was in a much better mood today. I got up and decided I would straighten up the mess in our room. It didn't take long to gather up the dirty laundry. I decided that I would use the time to do our laundry for our trip. I would pass him on my way to the bathing room anyway, so I could check on him then. I folded our blanket and laid it across the top of our bed and placed the pillows neatly on top of the blanket. I gathered together Ian's trinkets that he had collected during his time in the caverns and set them neatly on the shelf. There was a small delicately carved wooden box among the items. I opened it and inside there was a handful of pictures. There was a picture of Kyle and Ian as young boys wearing baseball uniforms. Kyle was holding a bat and Ian was wearing a glove. It made me sad to think he had lost his innocence because of all that had happened. I wasn't sure how old Ian was when he was forced to run for his life. Come to think it. I wasn't sure how old Ian was now? Sunny said that Jodie was twenty eight years old so I guess that Kyle had to be at least twenty eight, but I doubted he was over thirty. In the picture, Ian looked like he was two, maybe three years younger than Kyle. So I guess Ian must be somewhere between twenty five and twenty seven. Than means he is eight to ten years older than me. I shuddered at the thought of me being interested in someone who was ten years younger than me. I _was _a child compared to him. I had vivid memories of Mel and Jared making love but those were only memories. I was a virgin. Suddenly, a wave of fear passed through my body. Obviously, Ian had had sex before. Hadn't he? I didn't know. I had no idea if Ian had ever been in love before or if he had even satisfied his sexual needs with a woman. It suddenly occurred to me that I didn't know anything about this man who I was going to marry. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I looked at the other pictures in his box. There was one of a woman; I assumed it was his mother, holding a toddler in her arms. I couldn't be sure if it was Ian or Kyle since there was no other child in the picture. There was a picture of the two boys at Christmas time holding more sports gear. Kyle was holding a football and Ian was holding a soccer ball. Figures. The last picture was of his mother and father dressed up as if they were going out somewhere. These pictures made me sad. They had lost their parents and had depended on each other the way that Melanie and Jamie had. Who knows how long they fended for themselves before coming across Jeb and his wonderful haven in the desert? And these boys were truly athletes. They obviously loved sports and here in the caverns they couldn't run and throw or be free. My species had caused them such despair. My emotions were all over the place. I wanted to hold Ian and tell him how much I appreciated him. I wanted to know all about him and yet I didn't. The more I knew about him the worse I felt for taking it all from him. I was conflicted. My stomach was in knots. I put the pictures back carefully into the box and I laid the box gently on the shelf. I felt guilty for going through his things. I grabbed the dirty laundry and vaulted out the door. I rushed through the tunnels in hopes that the further away I got from the pictures, the further away I could push these thoughts that were haunting me. As I entered into the big cavern, I could see Ian affixed to the top of the ladder cleaning one of the mirrors. I circled around the garden in silence not wanting to distract the two figures holding the ladder steady.

"My little Wanderer! I _thought _the room got brighter!" Ian called out from high above me. My face turned beet red. Jeb and Heidi turned towards me still holding the ladder with steady hands. "Coming down!" Ian called out as a signal to the others. Jeb and Heidi braced themselves for the pull of the ladder as Ian descended quickly. When he had about ten rungs left to go he bellowed, "Look out below!" and he launched himself backwards off the ladder. Instinctively, I put my hands over my ears and closed my eyes. I didn't want to see or hear his body slap against the cavern floor. After a few seconds, I opened my eyes expecting the worst and he was standing in front of me, grinning from ear to ear.

"Hey Babe. Did you get my note?"

My relief was overridden by the fury that he had taken a stupid chance like that. "Are you insane?"

"You didn't like the note?"

I shook my head in frustration. "Are you trying to kill yourself? That was a twelve foot drop! What if your foot had got caught in the rungs? You would have fallen on your head!"

His grin was smug. "Then Doc would fix me up with all those super powered medications that you souls have provided!"

"You can't heal dead!" I was exasperated. "Never mind. I'm going to wash

clothes." I trudged away from him not looking back.

Ian didn't try to stop me. I heard Jeb mutter, "I'm beginning to think she is bi-polar." My hands balled into fists but I kept going. I wasn't ready to fight this fight. I needed to think.

When I got to the bathing room, there were others waiting their turn to bathe. I _could_ wash the clothes in the dimly lit outer room in the closer of the two rivers but I was still too affected by past events in this room. I shuddered at the thoughts that crept into my head. No. I would have to do it in the pool in the pitch blackness of the next room. Sharon was next in line to bathe. There was bad blood between us so I didn't want to ask her to share the tub with me while I washed my clothes. Besides Doc was next to her and they probably would be bathing together. I sat at the end of the line behind Candy.

"Hey." I kept my voice tranquil.

"Hey." Candy replied. Candy was once a healer that was kidnapped for her medical knowledge when I was still in Melanie's body. The soul she carried was removed and sent far away. When she regained consciousness, she didn't remember much about when she was human including her name. She was fearful of me as a soul but she was also fearful of the humans due to the memories she carried with her from the soul that had controlled her for so many years. The only people she had complete trust in were Doc and Trudy. They were the ones who stayed with her and helped her to adjust to this new life.

"Um, do you mind if I wash some clothes in the far end of the pool when you are in there?" I was wary that she might not be comfortable with me in the dark with her.

She looked at Doc. He nodded in approval. She looked back at me and answered softly, "sure," but her face was tense. I tried to make small talk to put her more at ease. It seemed to work and eventually we got our turn. It was nice to wash the clothes with real soap instead of the cactus soap that might have cleaned the clothes but it destroyed your skin in the process. On my first raid I made sure that we had a six month supply. We didn't really raid peoples' homes anymore. I could just shop because I was one of 'them'. The most dangerous part of the raid for us now was the travel and the loading of the truck in each of the towns we traveled to. No matter how petite or young I was, I was a vital part of this community and I made a promise to myself that I would never let them down.

When I was through, I thanked Candy for her kindness. I headed to Doc's infirmary to lay the clothes out to dry. It was warm and full of light. The clothes would be dry by the time we were ready to leave.

When I returned from the infirmary and passed through the big cavern Ian was gone. Travis was up on the ladder now. I continued to our room and found Ian laid out on the mattress, his arms folded behind his head. His eyes were closed but I knew he wasn't asleep. He patted his hand on the bed and I slid down across the mattress with my head on his stomach. He brought one arm down and laid it across my torso. I took his hand in mine and I fidgeted with his fingers. After a few minutes of this, Ian spoke.

"What's on your mind, Wanda?"

If he only knew. My mind was a myriad of questions and emotions, all of them

surrounding Ian.

"I did a lot of thinking today …" I paused.

"And?"

"And I realized that you know so much about me and I know so little about you. Actually I don't know anything about you."

"What do you want to know?"

I sat up abruptly and faced Ian head on. He pulled his hand back and laid it to rest on his forehead. It was almost as if he was waiting for the onslaught.

"How old are you?" I was staring at the wall above his head because I knew that no matter what he answered; I would not be happy.

"I'm twenty five. I'll be twenty six in September."

I was silent. I was doing the math in my head. I turned seventeen a few weeks ago in March. Ian is twenty five. There are six months till September.

"You're eight and a half years older than me."

"Seven and a half" he corrected me. Right. He thinks I'm eighteen. Oh, crap. That's half of my present age!

"Right. Seven and a half." I just stared at the wall.

Ian pushed himself up into a sitting position. He slid his hand under my chin and turned my head in his direction.

"You're okay with that, right?" His eyes were serious. He looked as though he was trying to see past my eyes and into my mind. I hesitated before finally answering.

"Right." It didn't come out very convincingly. He dropped his hand from my chin. His forehead creased with worry as he tried to defend the age difference.

"Mel is twenty one and Jared turns thirty soon. They have nine years between them and they are very happy." He reached out and brushed my hair from my face. I pulled his hand to my cheek and I smiled at him to give him some reassurance. He took a deep breath and spoke cautiously.

"What else do you want to know about me?"

I wasn't sure how to proceed. I decided I would save the most important questions for last. I shifted my weight to my knees and I picked up the wooden box from the shelf.

"I straightened out your things today and I found this box under your baseball cap Do you mind?" I held my hand to the top of the lid waiting for his approval before I opened it.

"Not at all." He seemed calmer and almost delighted to show me the contents. I pulled out the pictures and placed them in my hand. I looked at the first picture of Ian and Kyle together.

"How much older than you is Kyle?"

"Two years almost to the day. Our birthdays are one week apart."

I flipped to the next picture with the woman and the child.

"And this is your mother?"

"Yes."

"With you? Or is that Kyle?"

"That's me. I was three years old in that picture."

I smiled. The next picture was of his parents.

"What were your parents' names?"

"Thomas and Margaret O'Shea. They went by Tom and Maggie."

"Your mother was quite beautiful."

"Yes, she was. She was a classic Irish beauty. That's what my Dad always said." I fought to keep the lump in my throat from making my voice crack. I smiled and pretended to examine the picture a bit longer until I got my emotions under control.

"You and Kyle favor your Dad."

"Yeah. Big, goofy, and ugly." He said with cheesy grin. I swatted at his head playfully.

"You are so _not _ugly."

"Yeah, but you can't deny the big and goofy part!"

"That's true." I suddenly got serious again.

"How old were you when. …" I hesitated. "When you and Kyle were forced to run?"

"I was nineteen and Kyle was twenty one. We were both in different colleges. I was a Sophomore and Kyle was a Senior. We both played sports. The souls took the athletes last simply because it would be real obvious if a guy who played tough all of a sudden came up a pansy. So, we both started noticing the people around us changing and we decided to meet up. We scoped out our house and saw that things were very different and we knew that whatever had happened to some of our friends in college had happened to our parents. We got out of there before the souls who had invaded our parents' bodies could get to us." He hesitated. "That was a long time ago." He shifted his weight at the end of his story as if trying to push the weight of the world off of his shoulders.

"How long have you been here with Jeb?"

"We've been here five years. We were one of the first to accidentally find this place. Only Walter, Reid and Violetta, Heidi, Travis, John, Lucina and Isaiah, Trudy and Geoffrey and of course Jeb were here then. The rest came a few at a time as the years passed."

I leaned over to put the box back on the shelf and Ian grabbed me and pulled me down onto his lap. He kissed me. It was a quick firm kiss.

"Is there anything else you want to know?"

I sighed.

"Oh oh, come on." He waved his hand gesturing me to give it to him.

I sighed again. "Okay. You know that I'm a virgin, right? At least this body is."

"Yes I kinda got that."

"I do have memories of Jared."

He sat up straighter with me still on his lap. "Wait. You had sex with Jared? In Melanie's body?" He lips were now taut in a straight line.

"No. But I have Mel's memories. They are not as clear as they once were but they are still there. Like yesterday when we played soccer. I knew how to play because of Melanie's memories. This body had never played soccer."

He relaxed and he wrapped his arms around my waist. I put my finger to my lips because I was unsure whether I wanted to ask the next question.

"What?" Ian squeezed my waist trying to goad the question from me.

"You … are not a virgin … are you?" realizing that my innocence had been laid out like a new born lamb.

Laughter burst from his lips. It took him a minute to compose himself before he answered "No, I am not a virgin" still chuckling.

He wasn't going to give me more than that, so I pressed on. "When did you lose your virginity?"

The chuckling stopped but he was still smiling. He looked past me as if he was staring at something very far away. "I was fifteen."

My reaction startled him. I pushed against his chest because I was appalled by his answer. I was on my knees again. "Fifteen? Seriously?"

His answer was rather nonchalant. "It just sort of happened. She was … older."

"How much older?"

He adjusted by sitting 'Indian style'. "Do we _have_ to get into this?" He was trying to worm his way out of the conversation. I was not going to let that happen.

"You can't throw a comment like that out there and then leave it hanging. How old was she?"

He was clearly agitated. "She was twenty, okay?"

I was shocked. My voice raised an octave. "That's rape!"

He lowered his voice. "It wasn't rape." He paused. "It was a one time thing. I told you it just happened." He wasn't smiling anymore. He seemed perturbed.

"So …" I was miffed but I remained in control. "After that one time thing. Was there anyone else?"

He stared at his knees. He didn't speak and he didn't look at me. He was getting angry. Why? I finally couldn't take the silence anymore.

"I'm going to be your wife. Don't I at least have the right to know about your past? About who you are?"

He snapped his head up and looked directly at me. "I don't know if you are … _mature _enough to hear this." That was hitting below the belt. I was seething now.

"Fine! You don't want me to be a part of your life; then I won't."

"Fine!" He snapped back at me. "You want to hear it? I was a player. I was a high school jock that scored with every girl that would let me into her pants!" My mouth dropped open.

"And yet you won't touch ME!" The rage had made tears blur my vision.

"Because I _love_ you. Damn it!" He stood up now and his hands were balled into fists.

I tried to calm myself enough to finish the conversation. I had one more vital question that had not even occurred to me until now. "The last five years in the caverns."

He knew where I was going with this.

His voice was low again. "Please, Wanda. Let it go." He was hiding something.

"No." There was venom in my voice.

He pleaded now, "It's in the past. It doesn't matter."

"Who." It wasn't a question. It was a demand. "I'll find out one way or the other." He knew he had no choice but to answer.

His voice was barely above a whisper now. "First there was Heidi."

"Heidi? How …"

He cut me off. "If you want to know then you need to let me tell you all of it."

My whole body was shaking. I just nodded.

"She was the only girl here at the time that was near my age. It had been two years and … well, we lasted six months. I got bored. I guess. Then about three years ago Lydia showed up. She was alone and needed a friend. I wasn't looking for a lover really. We hooked up. She had been here about nine months when Brandon arrived at the caverns. He was interested in her. She wanted more of a commitment from me than I could give her. I let her go." He sighed. "My last lover was …" He stopped.

"Who?"

He winced as he said her name. "Lily."

My reaction was swift. I slapped him across the face hard. And then I exploded. "She is my friend! How could you not tell me this? How long were you together?"

"We weren't … together."

"How long were you screwing her?"

"A year … more or less."

I started pacing back and forth in our little room. My hands were flailing. I was truly trying to keep myself from attacking him.

"Wanda. I stopped seeing her when you came into my life!" It felt like he punched me in the back. He was sleeping with her as recently as two months ago? He stepped towards me and tried to put his arms around me.

"Don't touch me!" I shrieked. He stopped for a second and then tried again.

"I said don't _touch_ me!"

"Damn it! Come on Wanda! Calm down!"

"I have to get out of here." I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. "Please Ian, let me go."

All of this had apparently taken its toll on Ian as well because he blurted out. "Why did Jamie have to choose the body of a child to put you in?"

Tears were streaming now. "I am NOT a child!"

"Then stop ACTING like one! You're such a spoiled brat!" At that point my head snapped up. My tears were replaced by acid.

"You didn't want to go on this trip, so don't go on my account."

"Damn it, Wanda. Don't be stupid!"

"You mean childish. Don't you? I hate you!"

I ran out the door and my legs felt weak as I raced through the tunnel. He was cursing and I heard what I assumed was the door to the room being thrown against the rock wall. I didn't stop until I got to the main cavern. There were a lot of people there. Mel and Jared saw me and waved me over to them. My heart was pounding. I approached Mel and pulled her away from Jared using the excuse that I needed to go to the infirmary to get the clothes that I had left to dry that afternoon. Jared looked very suspicious but he let us go without question. As soon as we got into the tunnel, Mel grabbed me and pulled me to a stop.

"What happened to you? You're shaking!"

"Oh Mel!" I buried my face in her chest. She wrapped her arms around me and held me as the sobs began. "Ian isn't who I thought he was at all!" I choked out the words as best I could. "He's horrible."

Melanie pulled me away from her and looked at me in the dim light near the end of one of the tunnels. "He didn't hurt you did he?"

"No." My voice cracked. "He's just so …" I sobbed some more.

"Tell me what happened?" She was holding my shoulders and shaking me to get me to stop crying. My hands just hung out in space like they weren't even attached to my arms. I was drained.

"I just wanted to know more about his life." I was still hyperventilating.

Mel was trying to be patient. "Okaaay?" She wanted me to go on.

The words just came out in one long drawn out sentence. "I wanted to know how old he is and he told me he was twenty five and that's eight and a half years older and we looked at pictures of his mom and I could tell he misses her and then I asked him about his love life and he's slept with everyone on the planet." I wailed and collapsed into her body again. She held me and patted me on the head and just kept saying "Shhhh" over and over again. I don't know how long we were there. It was a long time. I had a lot of tears to shed. Finally, I said, "Did you know he slept with Lily?"

She pulled me to her again and said, "It will be alright. You'll see. It will all blow over." So, she knew.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It wasn't my secret to share. He needed to tell you himself."

"And Lydia and Heidi too? Did you know about them?"

"I told you I didn't like him." She said fiercely. I started to cry again. She kissed my forehead. "I love you, Wanda and if you love Ian then I respect that."

"I told him that I hated him."

"Hate is a strong emotion. There is a fine line between love and hate."

"I can't be around him right now."

"So don't."

"But we're leaving on this trip in what? ... a few hours?"

Melanie realized that we had been standing here for who knows how long and she urged us to move along. "They are probably waiting for us. I imagine that the guys heard the story from Ian and that's why no one has come looking for us. We need to get back."

We rushed to the kitchen and I got my things. I got Ian's as well. Melanie turned to me now. "Are you going to be alright?"

"I will if you stay with me."

"Of course I will." We turned and we walked slowly back to the big cavern.

When we returned I had expected to see everyone there to send us off but there was only the eight from the other clan, and our group-Jared, Ian, Lily, and Aaron. The only other people were Jamie, of course, Jeb, Kyle and Sunny, and Doc. Jamie came to us immediately. He looked concerned. He hugged me and told me I was perfect just the way I was. It occurred to me that Ian was eight and half years older than me, but Jamie was only three years younger than me. I was probably better suited to Jamie than I was to Ian. I told him that I loved him and to take care of himself.

Jeb gave me a hug as well. And in his stoic voice he said, "Take care of yourself little lady, we'll be waitin' for you."

Doc gave me a bag of medical supplies to take with us; just in case. He wished me well and patted my head.

Sunny hugged me briefly and stepped back. Kyle engulfed me in his arms. It was almost like he was giving me the hug that Ian couldn't give me. He put his lips to my ear and whispered, "Ian needs you more than you know. Remember that." As I pulled away he cradled my chin in his hand and he smiled at me. "You're so special. Do you know that?" I was fighting back the tears. It was something that Ian would have said yesterday or maybe even a few hours ago.

As we left the caverns that we called home, Mel stayed close to my side. Ian stayed nearby but didn't say a word. As we started to run the few miles to the place the jeep was kept, Nate came up along side me. He seemed comfortable running at my pace. "If you feel like you're too tired to run; let me know and I will carry you."

Ian was behind us and had heard Nate's offer. He sped up to Nate's side. "If she gets tired, _I'll_ carry her."

Nate threw his hands up in the air. "Fine! I was just trying to help," and he sped up leaving me to jog alongside Ian.

I felt the need to strike back. "I'm fine. I don't need anyone to carry me but you could always carry Lily if she gets tired."

He looked at me and he sighed. Then he fell back behind me again. I guess he was going to watch me to see when I started to slow so he could be the first one to be there. I looked over at Mel and Jared. They were keeping pace with me and they looked bored. I knew Mel loved to sprint flat out.

"Mel, you and Jared can go on ahead. I'll catch up to Nate and run with him."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Go ahead." Mel grabbed Jared's hand and together they picked up the pace and in just a minute, they were leading the pack.

I sped up trying to catch up to Nate. It was a hard pace for me. "Nate." I called. "Wait up."

Nate slowed his pace and let me catch up to him. "You okay?" He tried to keep his voice low so Ian wouldn't hear his words.

"I guess that depends on what you mean by okay." I was trying to keep my words low as well but it was harder for me because I was just trying to breathe. "Can we walk a

few minutes, please?" I was getting a cramp in my side. I raised my hand to where the pain was and slowly came to a stop. I bent over trying catch my breath.

Nate slowed with me and Ian was with me too.

Ian spoke first. "Let me carry you."

"No, Ian. I don't _want _you to carry me." I wanted him to go away.

"Damn it, Wanda. Why do you have to be so friggin' obstinate?" He was angry again.

Nate got between us. "Hey now! We can walk it, okay? Nobody has to carry anyone. Chill! Alright?"

Ian and I both looked at each other with equal amounts of venom. I started walking and Nate stayed in step with me. Ian started to jog ahead of us.

"You okay?" Nate asked.

"Yeah, I just needed to catch my breath."

"Let me know if you can run again or if you want _me _to carry you." His lips twisted up into a smile.

"I can run now." I gave him a smirk of my own and then I started to jog again.

"Nate, would you do me a favor?"

"Sure, anything for a pretty lady." Was he flirting with me? Maybe he was just trying to make me feel better. Maybe he was giving Ian a taste of his own medicine. Whatever it was, I wasn't going to stop him. At least not right now.

"When we get to the vehicles, can I ride with you?"

"I take it you don't want to ride with Ian." It was a statement, not a question.

"No. I can't be around him right now."

"Sure no problem. You want me to see how far I can push his buttons?" He looked me with a sly grin now. His roguish charm was beginning to shine through.

"No. That won't be necessary." I had a feeling it _wouldn't _be necessary. Ian's buttons were already pushed. No sense in sending him over the edge. I just wanted some alone time to try and sort out my own thoughts. I needed to figure out what _I_ wanted. We didn't say anything more until we got to the Jeep. We could drive the jeep the few miles it would take to get to the underground 'garage' where there were other vehicles to choose from. There were fourteen of us altogether so we went in groups of six, five, and five with Jared being the chauffeur. I managed to be the fifth passenger in the first trip leaving Ian behind. So far I was doing a pretty good job at avoiding him.

When we got to the other vehicles, Nate told us that Burns' truck was just on the other side of the wash. We crammed all fourteen of us into the van and Burns drove us to the wash since he knew where the truck was. I sat in the back of the van on the floor with my back up against Ian. He had pulled me towards him. I was facing Mel and Jared. Ian put his hand on my waist but I pulled it away. I heard him let out a frustrated growl from just behind my head.

We pulled up to the wash and the back doors opened. Nate was the first one out and announced boldly. "Wanda, you are with me. Burns is driving this vehicle and we need you to be in the other vehicle to troubleshoot any problems we might run into." He gave Ian a serious look. "You understand, right Ian? She'll be fine. I promise."

Instinctively, Ian wrapped his hands around my waist.

I twisted to face him my hands freeing his from my body. "They need me."

In a low voice that only those sitting close could hear he said, "_I _need you."

I could see the despair on his face as the van doors closed behind me.

I turned my attention to the truck. It was a big truck with a diesel engine. The kind of truck one would use to pull a trailer or a boat. It had double wheels in the rear and the bed of the truck was covered with a tall shell making it very comfortable for the six passengers we carried in the back. They even had an assortment of camping gear loaded into a silver tool box that spanned the width of the bed of the truck. Nate drove and I rode shotgun. For the first half hour, he was quiet. I stared out at the road. It was completely dark now so there wasn't much to see. Finally, Nate broke the silence. "So, how long are you going to make him suffer?"

The question took me by surprise. "What do you mean?"

"He's hurting you know."

I felt the need to defend myself. "So am I."

He drove a few minutes before he spoke again. "It's hard for some guys."

I didn't know what he was talking about. "What's hard for some guys?" I was feeling very much in the dark.

"The sex thing. Some guys are more high-strung and need it more than others."

I turned in my seat to look at him surprised. "Are you defending him?"

"No. No. I'm just saying."

He was quiet again. My eyes closed and I was starting to nod off when Nate reached over and touched my arm.

"Hey! Don't fall asleep on me now. We will be stopping at the next town so you and Burns can buy some food. I'm sure some of us are hungry now and in the morning when we camp, we'll need to eat."

I straightened up in my seat to try and shake off the grogginess I was feeling. Nate made another attempt at conversation. "So, Doc tells me that he took you out of Melanie's body and then put you into this body."

"Yes." I wasn't in the mood to talk so I kept my answer brief.

He looked me over now and smiled. "I approve of the change." Again with the flattery. I was getting used to this beautiful but fragile body but I still preferred the strength of Mel's body. Nate pressed on. "Doc said that Ian actually held you in his hands. He wasn't creeped out by that?"

"No." I said curtly. I was getting irritated that the conversation kept going back to Ian. What was his game? One minute he's flirting and the next minute he's right back to Ian. It didn't make sense.

"I've never seen a soul in its true form before." He paused and than added "What did Ian say to you about it?" Now he was definitely fishing. Ian had loved me even in my true form. Why was Nate making me think of this? I was distracted until Nate brought me back to reality. "Wanda?" He was leaning forward trying to see my eyes.

"I'm sorry. What was the question?"

"Ian's reaction to seeing you in your natural form?"

"Right, no. He wasn't freaked out. He thought I was … beautiful."

"Huh," he muttered and then he was quiet again.

Well, he did his job. My head was again filled with memories of the loving Ian, the kind Ian, the protective Ian. He was all of these things when I was in Mel's body. Now, that I was in this body he was arrogant and sexual. But not with me. He treated me like a child. My head started to throb. I could feel a headache coming on. I had some 'No Pain' in my bag that Doc had given me. I pulled the bag up from the floor onto my lap and started rummaging through it.

"Looking for something?" Nate asked.

"No Pain." I answered.

"Not feeling well?"

"Headache," I responded.

"I bet you aren't the only one with a headache."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Nate had once again pushed my buttons. He seemed to be good at that.

Nate just looked straight ahead and shrugged his shoulders. "Nothing. I'm just saying."

This seemed to be a favorite saying of his. When I opened my bag to put the container back, I realized that I had some of Ian's clothes that I had washed this afternoon. I needed to give them to him.

When we pulled up to the Super K, it was nine o'clock and the store would be closing in an hour. There weren't many cars in the parking lot. Nate pulled the truck into a space away from the other cars and cut the engine.

"Okay, pretty lady. Go do what women do best."

I scowled at him as I got out of the truck. I half expected him to slap me on the butt. It had suddenly occurred to me that maybe he was trying to be obnoxious to make Ian look less horrible. But Ian was more than horrible. He was a womanizer. I decided to rise above it all and do the right thing. Plus I was feeling better. Burn's met me as I came around the back of the truck.

"Ready?" He seemed anxious. I realized that Burn's wasn't comfortable being around his own kind.

"Um, I need to do something first." I walked slowly to the van and sighed deeply blowing out my breath. I tapped on the back door of the van. "It's me." I called loud enough for those inside to hear me. The door opened. Inside were Aaron, Mel, Lily, and Ian. Lily and Mel were sitting with their backs against the left side of the van and Aaron and Ian were sitting with their backs against the right side. Ian was closest to the door and had been the one to open it. "I have your clothes." I said, as I rifled through the bag pulling clothes out one at a time handing them in his direction without looking up at him. He was taking them from me each time I reached out towards him. He grabbed my hand and when I couldn't pull it back I looked up at him. He looked worn out. I handed him the container of 'No Pain'. "You might need this. You might not, I'm just saying." I purposely quoted Nate.

Ian nodded his head. "Thanks." I pulled my hand back and took a step backwards to close the door. He leaned forward. "Wanda, can we talk?"

No. I wasn't ready for talking. I tried to be nonchalant. "Can't. I gotta go shop. You know, it's what we girls do best." Once again, I was quoting Nate. I shut the door to the van.

I took Burn's by the hand like we were a couple and led him to the door. "Get a shopping cart," I ordered.

"What do you want to eat, Honey?" I asked him trying to make him feel at ease. I grinned at him having fun with my charade. I had always had to shop alone. Doing this with Burns was different. We bought stuff we needed and we bought stuff we didn't need just because. He was having fun too. By the time we got out of there we were both laughing and having a good time. We opened the back of both vehicles and handed several bags to each group of human travelers. We were both pretending that we were an old married couple with twelve kids.

"Honey you didn't feed the children? What kind of mother are you?" He scolded me in a serious voice and then laughed hysterically. We were laughing and stumbling around like we were drunk.

"Now don't eat it all. You need to save some for your brothers." I said in a motherly voice. Then I cracked up again. Mel, Aaron, Lily, and Ian all looked at me like I was nuts. I didn't care. I slammed the door shut.

Before Burns went back to the driver's side of the van he grabbed my hands and said, "Thanks. That was fun." He bent down and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes in response to his closeness. When I opened them again he had straightened up and he was smiling at me.

"I had fun too." I wasn't lying.

I went back to the truck where Nate was leaning back with his arms folded against his chest like he was napping. As I opened the door he sat up and looked at me. "I didn't wake you did I?"

"Wake me? No. It was those people in the parking lot making all that racket!" He glared at me.

"Sorry." I felt like a kid who got caught coming home late.

"Nothing like bringing attention to yourself with two vehicles loaded with humans in your midst." I was being scolded now.

"I _said _I was sorry!" Nate was seriously getting on my nerves. "What is up with you anyway?"

He looked at me curiously. "What do you mean?"

"Well, first you are Mr. Nice Guy and then you are championing Ian and now you are like my Dad."

"That's a good question." He looked at me like he was trying to figure out the answer. He started the truck and turned on the lights and pulled out of the parking space still looking at me, his forehead creased in thought. Then he turned his attention to the road.

"Tell me something." He hesitated as if he was unsure he should ask the question.

"What?" He had my attention.

"Do you _love_ Ian?"

"I did. I mean I do." Crap. Freudian slip.

"Really? You don't sound convinced."

"Why are you doing this? Are you his spy?" I was distraught.

He tightened his hands on the steering wheel of the truck. I could see that he was deliberating on exactly what to say. He sighed. He tapped his finger on his lips as he spoke. "Wanda, you are one of a kind. You know that? You have the face of an angel, the heart of a lion, and the body of a goddess." He paused then continued. "Any man would probably walk through fire for you, myself included. You want to know something?"

"What?"

"I have known Burns for four years and I have never seen him laugh like I did tonight. I can understand how Ian can be a complete mess when it comes to you. It's like you grab people and you put them under your spell, especially the men. It's no wonder you were able to stay alive." He sighed deeply.

"I…I don't know what to say." I really didn't.

He reached out and squeezed my hand. "You don't have to say anything."


	4. Chapter 4

**So this is chapter 4, by now I hope you are possibly as invested in this book as I am but I don't know. I don't know if anyone is reading it. If you are, drop me a line. It doesn't have to be much. You could just say "I'm reading your book, yo!" –NL**

A Rough Trip

By the time we got to the campground it was very near daybreak. I had fallen asleep with my head leaning against the door. When Nate opened the door, I nearly fell out and he had to catch me. He cradled me in his arms as Ian had done so many times before. Ian came around the side of the truck just in time to see Nate scoop me up. As Nate turned with me in his arms, Ian blocked his path. He wasn't angry and when he spoke he was almost begging. "Please, Nate, let me take her?"

Nate whispered in my ear, "walking through fire" before he handed me off to Ian. I was exhausted but I wasn't ready to give up the fight.

"Ian, put me down!" I whined.

The others were setting up camp laying down tarps and putting sleeping bags on top. He went to the first bag he found and laid me on top of it. I was asleep within minutes.

When I woke, it was mid afternoon. Almost everyone was up and moving. The only people still asleep were those of us who had ridden in the front of each vehicle; Burns, Jared, Nate, myself, and Ian who obviously hadn't gotten any sleep in the van. Ian was next to me in his sprawled out position. It brought back fond memories. He must have wrapped himself around me to go to sleep since I was too gone to stop him. Nate was on my other side curled up in a ball. Burns was next to Nate. Jared was way down the other end by himself. Melanie had obviously gotten up without disturbing him. I lay back down. I felt comfy. I rolled with my back towards Nate and I watched Ian sleep. He looked like _my_ Ian again. Then I heard Nate groan and stretch behind me and then he threw his arm around me and crept closer, spooning me. He fit comfortably because we were closer in size than Ian and I was. He whispered into my hair.

"Ahhh, this is the life."

I put my arm over his and twisted my head in his direction. "You're silly. You know that?"

He retaliated. "Hey, a man can dream can't he?" He put his cheek on mine. "Mmmmm, I could get used to this."

This was getting out of control. His charm was inviting. "In your dreams, Dude!" I giggled.

He tickled me and I squealed. I flipped in his arms to tickle him back.

My squeal woke Ian and he saw Nate with his arm around me. He saw us playing around. "What the hell are you doing? Get your paws off of her!" He was scrambling to his feet ready to fight Nate.

Nate scooted back from my body. "Hey, it was just in good fun. I didn't mean any harm."

Ian was sizing up Nate. Burns was now waking up from the commotion. This could be really _bad_ I thought to myself. I needed to diffuse the situation. I got up and put myself between Ian and Nate just as I had done so many months ago with Kyle and Jared. The same day Ian nearly strangled me to death. I had no fear of Ian now. I pushed him in his chest as hard as I could. He didn't budge. I pushed him again as I screamed at him.

"Ian, back off!" I pushed him again. He took a step back but he didn't take his eyes off Nate.

"I'll kill you." Ian said as he waved his fist at him.

I slapped Ian in the face. This was the second time in twenty four hours that I had slapped him. As a soul this was something that went against my grain. "You have no right to threaten anyone else's life. Do you hear me, Ian O'Shea?" I had his attention now. He looked wounded. His eyes went blank. They were cold. That edge I was so afraid to push him over; was a slippery slope. He finally turned and walked away.

I shuddered. There was something about his expression when he walked away that frightened me. Everyone backed away from the scene leaving me standing alone. Mel was the one to come to me now. Jared went to the passenger side door of the van and returned with Lacey's gun. He strode off silently in the direction that Ian had gone.

"Let's get something to eat." Mel grabbed my arm and led me over to the bags of food sitting in the back of the truck. "We have cold cuts and rolls and potato salad, well, you know what we have. After all, you bought it.

My mind was on Jared. I don't know why, but I kept envisioning Jared shooting Ian; putting him out of his misery like a rabid dog. "Why did Jared take the gun?"

Mel was putting the finishing touches on her sandwich as she replied, "Last night, Nate told us that no one was to leave the campsite unarmed. There are cougars and bobcats, bears, and coyotes in these mountains."

"Oh."

I blankly reached out to make myself a sandwich as Mel pulled out two slices of bread from the bag and handed them to me. She made sure I had a drink and then she grabbed a bag of chips. "Let's sit over here." She walked deliberately out of earshot of the rest of the group and chose a rocky outcropping to sit down on. She motioned for me to sit next to her. We ate in silence at first. Then Melanie crunched down on a potato chip and mumbled, "I know you have a lot on your plate right now…" I looked down at my plate. She laughed. "No, I didn't mean it literally!" I pulled the corners of my mouth up. "Aaah, a smile!" She was happy that she had been able to pull me from my funk. She took another bite of her sandwich and then she looked at me dead in the eyes. Her voice was intense. "Wanda, you are my best friend and I have been letting this chew me up inside for a while now. I _have _to tell you."

I immediately thought the worst. "Please don't tell me that you slept with Ian." I sucked in a deep breath.

She rocked back in shock. "Hell no! Are you crazy?"

I blew out my breath in relief. "Good."

"Forget about Ian for a few minutes. This is about me." She paused. "And Jared."

She had my attention now. "What?"

Mel leaned in to me and spoke in nearly a whisper so only I could hear. "I missed my period."

I had been slouching on the rock. Now I pulled my body erect and my plate slid off my knees to the ground. "Your food!" Melanie moaned. Mel was concerned about my food? I didn't care. I was nearly finished anyway. This was way more important.

"How late are you?"

"Two and a half weeks more or less."

"Oh Mel! You're pregnant? Does Jared know?" I was elated for her.

I had spoken too loud. "Shhhhhhh!" She clapped her hand over my mouth to silence me.

She leaned in close to my ear now. "No. He doesn't know. He's gonna freak!"

"Why?"

"Think Wanda. What has Jared always said about bringing children into this world?" Mel's memory clicked to the forefront of my head reminding me that Jared was very vocal about the fact that he was dead set against ever bringing a child into this madness. He said it would be cruel to create a life with parasites ruling the world. He said we would just be providing them with another body to inhabit.

"Ohhhhhhhhh." I whispered. "What are you going to do?"

She looked at me and her eyes began to pool with the tears she had been trying to hold back. "I'll need you to help me through this. I don't know what Jared …" Her voice cracked and she couldn't finish. Hers tears turned to sobs.

I knelt down and pulled her into my arms and held her. "Mel, I'll always be here for you. You know that." I pulled back and held her face in my hands. "We'll get through this _together_, just like old times." I smiled at her but there was sadness in my heart. Sadness due to the fact that when we shared our body we both wanted different things. She wanted Jared all to herself and I wanted Ian. Now that we both had our own bodies to ourselves, it seemed we might both lose the one thing we each fought for. I didn't know how to make things better and I suddenly understood how difficult it must have been to be around me these last two days.

"Come on. Cheer up. Jared loves you. He might be mad at first but it's not like you did this to yourself. He'll most likely be more angry with himself than he will be with you." I knew this was true. If Jared was going to place blame; it would be on himself. Melanie knew this too.

She nodded. I bent down to pick up my trash and we headed back to the truck to clean up. Ian and Jared weren't back yet. I hoped that Jared might be able to console him but I knew I was kidding myself. There was only one person who would be able to do that.

At that moment Nate called out loudly. "People, we leave in two hours!" Everyone was busy doing something. Some were cleaning the site; some were washing up by the river. Some were packing things away. I decided I would do my part and roll up the sleeping bags that Ian and I had slept in. I didn't know when he would be back.

Besides when I was done I could go to the river and do a little personal hygiene on myself. I ran my fingers through my hair and pulled at the knots. Ugh, why couldn't I have straight hair? Trudy once told me that she used to pay a fortune back in the day to get her hair permed like mine. She must have been crazy! As I carried the rolled up sleeping bags in my arms towards the truck, a voice caught me from behind. "Wanda?"

I spun around. It was Lily. Great. Ian's lover, _just_ what I needed. I was pissed because I really liked Lily.

I turned back dropping the sleeping bags into the bed of the truck. "What can I do for you Lily?" I spoke with irritation clearly in my voice.

"I need to talk to you." She was cautious of my actions.

"I already know you slept with Ian" My voice hitched at the thought.

"I know you do. I don't want to talk about the past. I want to talk about you."

"About me?" I was confused. I couldn't fathom what she would have to say about me.

"Yes." She replied. "Can we go somewhere private?" I looked around at the whole forest full of privacy.

"We can go into the woods."

"No, too dangerous. Nate said not to wander from camp. The bears are coming out of hibernation and Nate says they are more aggressive due to hunger." Sensing that I wouldn't be up for hand holding, she took my wrist and pulled me towards the passenger side of the van. She opened the door. "Get in."

I got in and she closed my door. She walked around to the driver's side, opened the door, and got in. She took a deep breath and then said "Okay." She rubbed her forehead as if deciding exactly how to start. She took another deep breath. "Let me see if I can understand your way of thinking." She held up one finger. "If a man has sex with only one girl and then he marries her and spends the rest of his life with her, then you would say he is a good man, yes?"

This seemed like a pretty straight forward question with an easy answer. "Yes."

"But a man who sleeps with, I don't know, say twenty woman without making a commitment to any one of them is …"

"Scum." I finished her sentence for her.

"Even if the twenty first girl is the one he falls in love with?" She was trying to trap me.

"Yes."

Now Lily was rubbing her chin. "I see things very differently than you do, I guess."

"How do you mean?' I asked taking the bait.

"Well the way _I_ see it; the man who sleeps with one woman and makes her his wife and lives the rest of his life with her is either one of two things. Either he is _incredibly_ lucky, because love at first sight is like winning the lottery. The chances are one in a million. _OR_ he is desperate to be wanted and he will settle for the first woman to give him a second glance and he may spend the rest of his life with her, but are they really happy?"

She sighed again and leaned closer to me now. "The guy who sleeps with twenty

girls is not about to settle for less than what he thinks is the perfect choice for him. That twenty first girl is damn lucky that he sees what he wants and needs in his life and that she fits that mold. Wanda, you are that twenty first girl. Do you understand?" Funny thing was I _did _understand. Lily was not that twenty first girl but _I_ was. Suddenly I felt bad for thinking horrible things about Lily. I felt horrible for thinking horrible things about Ian.

"Thank you Lily. Thank you for making me see things _your_ way. You are a good friend." I leaned over to give her a hug. I looked at the clock on the dashboard and realized we would be leaving in less than an hour. I was a mess! I needed to go to the river and wash up. "I gotta go wash up. I'll talk to you later." I opened the door and rolled out of the van. I looked around for any sign of Ian or Jared. They were both still MIA. I ran over to Nate.

"Can you take me to the river so I can wash up?"

"Sure." He went to the van and started stacking some of the cups that needed washing. I went to the truck and grabbed my bag out of the front seat.

"Here. You might need this." He handed me a container that held a bar of soap.

"Thanks."

He cradled the shotgun in his left arm and extended his right elbow out to me and said "Shall we, pardner?"

I put my arm through his and said. "Let's go pardner. I'm tired of grime. This girl needs to look fresh." I smirked at him and off we went to the river.

When we got to river I took off my sneakers and waded in. "AHHHHHHHH! This is freaking cold!"

He laughed at me. "You're not in the desert anymore Dorothy!" He put down the shotgun and spread his arms out wide and looked at the treetops turning his head from the left to the right. "This here's the mountains. The river flows down from way up yonder and it's fed by the rain in the summer and the snow in the winter."

"Thanks for the science lesson Mister, hey what _is _your last name?"

"Downey, Nathan Downey, Ma'am!" He pretended he was tipping his hat just like Jeb often did when he was in the presence of a lady."

I diverted my attention to the task at hand which was trying to make myself presentable _if Ian _ever returned. He had been gone a long time and I was starting to get worried. Nate laid the gun at the edge of the river bed and was squatting about fifteen feet away from me washing the cups he had gathered. I finished scrubbing my face with a facecloth I had pulled from my bag. I was using water and my brush trying to control my wild hair when all of a sudden I heard a sound that wasn't human. It wasn't a growl really. It was a guttural sound and then splashing. I turned to see something I never in my life would ever want to see this close up.

A huge bear was on the other side of the river about twenty feet away from me. Nate spoke to me in a very gentle voice. "Don't move. Don't scream." I wanted to look over at him but I couldn't take my eyes off the bear. I wanted to scream. I tried to look at both at the same time. I was terrified. Nate tried to keep me calm. "If you move he will charge. Let him keep his focus on me." I was breathing very hard, my chest was heaving.

I could hear my heartbeat slamming in my chest. Nate started to back up slowly towards the gun. The bear exploded with a roar and rose up on his hind legs. I jumped and let out a weak yelp. I was trembling and I didn't know how much longer I could stand still waiting for the bear to take me. I wouldn't last more than one swipe of his massive paws. Of that, I was sure. I thought how ironic it would be for a bear to end my tenth life; especially after spending a life as a bear on the Mists Planet. Nate was beside the gun now. He was lowering his center of gravity closer and closer the gun. I was whimpering now. Suddenly, I heard Ian's voice. He was shouting at the bear. "Heahhhh, heahhhhh."

It was the distraction that Nate needed. He quickly grabbed the gun and yelled "Wanda run!" I started to run and I heard the splash of the water as the bear charged. I barely made it out of the river, when I heard the boom of the shotgun. I kept running right towards Ian. I threw myself into his arms. I was hysterical. He picked me up like a small child and I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. He wrapped one arm securely around my body and held the back of my head with his other hand. He was trying to calm me but I was inconsolable.

"It's okay. You're okay now. Nate scared him off. Shhhhhhh. Wanda, it's okay. Shhhh." This continued for several minutes. I would not let go. I didn't want to ever let go. Finally I got my breathing and my sobbing under control. Ian let my feet slip to the ground. My arms were still wrapped around his waist in a bear hug. He kissed the top of my head and stroked my hair. It felt soothing. How did I ever let my jealousy take me away from this? Even though he had never made love to me, he always was very attentive. He was always touching me, holding my hand, stroking my face, my hair, my back. He slowly pulled me away from him. Ian took my arm in a firm grip and guided me towards Nate. By this time, everyone was here by the river, not that I had noticed in my hysterics. When he reached Nate, he gently pushed me towards him and said. "Please take care of her." I twisted in his grasp to face him. I barely glimpsed his face before he turned away. Now that I was free from his grasp I raced to get in front of him. I wanted to see his face. It was cold, defeated.

"Ian?" He was marching towards the van. I was stepping backward quickly trying to stay in front of him. "Ian? What are you doing?" My heart was pounding again. My stomach was in knots. "I'm right here." He didn't slow. "I put my arms around him trying to slow him."

He stopped walking. He broke my grasp from his waist and growled, "Wanda STOP IT!"

I kept shaking my head back and forth pleading. "Noooo, Noooo."

He released my wrists and continued to walk. I collapsed. I had done it. Ian had fallen down that slippery slope and obviously Jared couldn't pull him back. Ironically, it was Jared that picked me up off the ground and carried me to the van. He turned to Nate and said "I'm driving the van. Burns can ride with you. Let's go."

Nate turned to the rest of the crowd and bellowed, "You heard the man, let's go!"

When Jared shut the door, I slid down in the seat and curled up into a ball. There wasn't much space on the seat and I was reminded of the small hole in the caverns that I called home for the first few weeks when I arrived in Melanie's body and Jared kept guard over me. Once again he was the one keeping guard, so to speak. The driver's side door opened. Jared got in. He placed my sneakers and my bag on the floor in front of my seat. I didn't bother to look up at him. I was trying to keep the rumbling in the pit of my stomach at bay. I tucked my head between my knees and rocked in the seat. The van roared to life and I felt the sensation of Jared backing the van up across the rough terrain of the campsite. As he pulled forward my body pitched back into the seat. I knew when we hit pavement without having to look up. The sun was hanging low in the sky. Sunset was less than an hour away. Even though the road only had a few bumps now and then, my stomach was in turmoil. Suddenly the taste of acid burnt the back of my throat.

"Jared, pull over." I spoke with urgency. I straightened up in the seat now.

"What?" He was looking at me.

"I said PULL OVER! I'm gonna…" I had to clap my hand over my mouth to keep the vomit that rose in my throat from spilling out of my mouth.

"Oh Crap!" Jared had realized that I was going to throw up and he pulled quickly to the side of the road. I had the door open and sprung from my seat and ran about six feet before I fell to my knees and lost all of the food that I had eaten with Melanie. I was on all fours trying to steady my breath. A sweat had broken out over my body. I sat back on my knees and shivered. Suddenly I saw a bottle of water being offered to me. I recognized the big hand that held it and I looked up to see Ian staring down at me. I took it from him and opened the bottle. I filled my mouth, swished, and spit. Before I could take another drink Ian picked me up in one smooth motion. The water bottle slipped from my fingers and fell to the ground.

"My water!" I reached in the direction of where it had fallen.

"Leave it." He said flatly. "It's too dangerous to be out here like this."

I pulled my arms tightly around his neck. "I'm sorry." I said in a little voice.

"I know." He muttered still looking straight ahead.

"I love you, Ian." I was hoping he would just look at me. Show some kind of emotion. Anything.

"I know." was all he said.

When he got to back of the van he put me down gently inside and barked out, "Mel, ride shotgun."

"I'll do it." It was Aaron who spoke and without hesitation he was pushing his way past Mel.

As Aaron left the van, Ian climbed in. He scooted past me and took his former position behind Jared's seat up against the side of the van.

I stayed curled up in my little ball. I was still feeling the effects of the last few minutes both physically and emotionally. Mel reached out and stroked my head. "Sweetie, are you all right?"

Lily was rifling through the bags trying to find something other than water for me to drink. She held out a Sprite. "Here. Drink this. It will help."

I curled tighter into myself. I was still too distraught over Ian's lack of emotion of any kind. It was like I had destroyed him from the inside out and now I was determined to destroy myself as well.

"Ian!" It was Mel. She obviously had been having some kind of silent communication with him that I was unaware of.

Now, his hands were under my armpits pulling me towards him. He turned my body so my head and chest lay on his and he cradled me in his arms. He didn't speak. I

kept my arms pulled tightly to my own body not wanting to do anything that might give him a reason to push me away. It was quiet in the back of the van. I could hear Jared and Aaron discussing how long they thought it would take to catch the truck which had passed us during my 'pit stop'. It was getting darker now. As we passed over a rise, I heard Jared say "There! I told you they'd wait." What followed was some kind of pass and wave recognition thing that we in the back could not see.

I was aware of Ian's scent as I pressed my nose into his chest and it was soothing. Ian feeling the tension in my body relax began to stroke my hair. After a while he seemed to relax as well. I guess stroking my hair had been as therapeutic for him as it was for me.

It was dark now. He leaned into my hair. I might have been wrong but it seemed as though he was inhaling my scent as well. "We should lie down and sleep." He whispered.

I was calm but fearful that if I separated from him even for a moment that I might crumble. I moved very slowly. I was aware of every muscle that he moved. He lay on his side and tapped the bed of the van with his hand motioning me to lie next to him. I moved cautiously afraid that any moment I might wake up from this dream all alone. He placed his hand on my cheek and said, "Sleep." I didn't want to sleep. I wanted to touch him. I pulled my hands up to his face and touched his lips. He closed his eyes. I pulled my face close and placed my lips tenderly on his. We kissed for just a few brief seconds and he opened his eyes. I wanted more. I leaned in again. "No." He pulled his head down to keep me from meeting his lips with mine.

"Don't you want to kiss me?" I squeaked.

"Yes." He whispered. "But we are not alone."

I had completely forgotten about the two girls in the back of the van with us. Mel, who had made no excuses of the fact that she really didn't like Ian; and Lily, who until recently had probably loved Ian. My back had been towards them and I felt the heat on my face as I turned to see both of them staring at us. They didn't look away. I think they were just both relieved to see us together again. I turned back towards Ian and placed my head on my arm so I could stare at his face. He stared back at me and it was the best moment I had had in a long while. I could lay here with him like this forever. I traced his face and again my fingers went to his lips. His face was intense, he kissed my fingers and pulled my hand to his chest and then wrapped his arm around me pulling me tight into him. "Sleep, my Wanderer." I closed my eyes and nodded off.

It was still the middle of the night when we pulled into the dirt road that served as a driveway to Burns' house. "Hey guys. Wake up. We're here." It was Aaron calling from the front seat. Ian slept like the dead. He normally would have sprawled out onto his back but he was still tightly wrapped around me. I couldn't move.

"Ian wake up." The sound of his own name had been enough to rouse him. He must not have been asleep for long. He opened his eyes and we were face to face.

"Hey." He whispered.

"Hey." I whispered back.

The back doors opened and we all climbed out and stood in a circle. Nate came over to us. The lights inside the house went on. Burns must be inside. "Wanda, I don't think it would be a good idea to bring you to the cave right now. The family probably wouldn't approve of a parasite sleeping so close to them." I understood. "You'll sleep in the house with Burns."

"Ian. Can Ian stay with me?" I didn't want to be without him.

"It's okay." Ian offered. "I can stay with the others."

"No!" I grabbed his arm tightly.

Burns came out of the house grinning. "Everything still looks the same." He turned to me. "Wanda, let me show you to your room."

"Ian is coming with me." I announced.

Burns didn't look pleased. He shot a glance at Nate. "They should be alright for tonight. Keep the shades drawn so he can't be seen just in case." Nate responded.

My grip on Ian's arm loosened. "Thank you, Nate."

"I told you before, anything for a pretty lady." He smirked and shot a look at Ian for good measure. "Okay gang, let's get a move on." Nate reminded me so much of a young Jeb. He always seemed to be one step ahead of everyone else. He was always in control. I liked that about him.

Burns turned towards me and Ian and said "Come on. I'll show you the house."

We entered through the back door. "Wait here." He stepped forward and systematically closed the shade on every window in the house before returning. "Okay. Come on in." We stepped into a great room. There was a television and a stereo. There was a bunch of CD's spread out on the table next to the stereo. The walls were a slate blue. The floor was carpeted in a multi color pattern with hues of blue, black, white, and tan. The walls were sparsely decorated with a few random pictures, but nothing to suggest Burns' personality. There was a long couch. It looked comfortable. It too was blue but it was lighter in color than the walls. It was flanked by two matching black chairs. The coffee table was made of wood and it was worn with rings from glasses left to sit too long.

"The kitchen is through here." We stepped through a door that swung both ways into the kitchen. It was a large room as well. It had not been redecorated in at least the last decade. The cabinets were a light colored wood that had been varnished. There was no dishwasher. There was large rectangular table with eight wooden chairs surrounding it. It seemed funny to me that a guy who lived alone would have such a large table. The only new item in the kitchen was the refrigerator. It was a double door silver Whirlpool model with an ice maker in the door.

"Nice fridge." I commented.

"Yeah, well, I keep the food for everyone here. There's no electricity in the cave."

He led us to a bedroom and opened the door but did not enter. "This is my room." It was sparsely decorated like the rest of the house. He had a Queen size bed and two dressers. One had a mirror above it and not much else. He stepped to the bathroom. It had been remodeled. It was very large. I could only guess that he had knocked out a wall to a closet to make the bathroom bigger. The tub was a nice Jacuzzi style with jets. There was also a stand up shower. There were two sinks side by side and of course the toilet.

"Wow!" Ian exclaimed. "I could live in here!" He was beaming.

"You are not the first one to say that." He chuckled.

Then he led us down a short hall to another door. "This is the other bedroom. It's not very fancy and I'm sorry Ian, the bed is only full size."

"Thank you. This will be fine." I assured Burns.

Burns excused himself and went off to bed.

As Ian shut the door, I dove onto the bed. Ian looked uneasy. "Maybe I should sleep on the couch."

"Don't be silly!" I jumped off the bed and grabbed his hands. I walked backwards towing him towards the bed. When the back of my legs hit the bed I fell backward pulling him down on top of me. He stopped himself from crushing me by putting his hands out to catch his fall. I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Do you want to kiss me now?"

"Yes." But instead of kissing me he pulled himself off the bed. "Wanda, are you trying to seduce me?"

I sat up. "Obviously I am not doing a very good job of it."

He sat on the bed next to me. He was examining the palm of his hand. I assume that he was trying to distract himself. "Look. These last two days have been pure hell for us … for me. You asked me if I want to kiss you. Yes, but …" He took a deep breath. "My head is so screwed up right now. A huge part of me just wants to take you and ravage you." My body shivered with delight at the thought of Ian letting go of all of his boundaries and having his way with me. "The other part of me says if I do that I might regret it." He turned to me now and took my hands in his. "Please, let me have control of this. I need to be able to stop and I need you to respect that. It's the … It's the only way I can respect myself. Do you understand?"

I didn't but I nodded my head anyway. If pretending that I understood what was going through his brain would keep him from sleeping on the couch then so be it. I would take whatever shred of attention he was willing to give me.

"I'm going to wash up, okay?" I grabbed my bag off the dresser. "Actually there are two sinks. You can wash up with me."

Ian grabbed his bag and followed me to the sink. We both washed up and brushed our teeth. Then we walked silently back to the bedroom. Once inside, I pulled a clean pair of sweats out of my bag and a camisole I had recently bought on one of my shopping trips. It was pink and silky to the touch. I slipped out of my jeans. Ian turned his head away. I purposely waited for him to turn his head back to me before I slipped off my shirt. He caught me wearing only my bra. He froze; his eyes fixed on me. "Sorry." We both said at the same time. I turned my back to him and slipped off my bra. As I slipped the camisole over my head I could see his face in the mirror so I knew he could see me too.

"I'm going to sleep on the couch." He muttered as he stepped towards the door.

"No!" I ran over and grabbed his hand. "It will be fine. I promise. You are in complete control." But he wasn't and he knew it.

He sat on the edge of the bed. His clothes were dirty. He had been wearing them for two days. They had to come off. I walked away and went to my side of the bed and sat with my back to him. He pulled his shirt off and then he unbuttoned his jeans. I heard the zipper come down but then he stood up rezipping and said "I have to go to the bathroom," as he wormed his way through the door. I sat on the edge of the bed waiting for his return. He had to be weighing his options. I was hoping that he would take me. I thought that if he did I would at least be on an even keel with Lily, and Lydia, and Heidi. Now those old feelings were coming back. The player always on the prowl. No. I wouldn't let that upset me tonight. I pushed the bad thoughts from my mind.

He had been gone a long time. Did he bail on me and sleep on the couch? I was about to go investigate when he came back. His chest was massive and his arms were chiseled. His stomach was flat. There was the perfect amount of hair that extended from his belly button to below his belt. I was in awe. He cleared his throat to signal me to turn away. "Oh." I mumbled as I turned my back to him once again. He took his jeans off quickly and slid under the covers. I knew he would be wearing boxers but I couldn't help but hold the covers back to see before I bounced into the bed. We turned towards each other. I put both of my hands firmly on his chest.

"Do you want to kiss me _now_?"

"No."

I shrank back to look at him horrified.

"I'm kidding." He pulled me to him. He stroked my face and gazed into my eyes. "I love you." He leaned in and my lips were locked with his. His hands were controlling all movement of my head. His mouth opened and closed. He tasted my lips, my tongue, my chin. All I could do was take a breath each time he bit my lower lip. My entire body was mush. He had never kissed me like this. This was a Mel and Jared kiss, not a slow burn, an explosion. He finally let me breathe as he raced down my neck with his lips and his tongue. My body was literally tingling from top to bottom. He pulled me tight against his body now as he kissed my shoulders. I could feel the excitement he had for me. He was fully aroused. He pulled me on top of him but he pulled me high up on his chest. I could only guess that he was trying to keep me away from his … 'passion'. He pulled the bottom of my camisole up and kissed my stomach. His hands were caressing my breasts. Then, without warning, he threw me off of him onto my back and leaned over me.

"Was it good for you?"

I couldn't even breathe out an answer.I was trying not to spontaneously combust. He exposed his teeth in an evil wicked grin.

I finally caught my breath. "Can you do that again?"

"No. You came dangerously close to losing your virginity just now."

I decided not to comment simply because he wanted control. I gave it to him.

"Okay. Semi-passionate kisses then?" I gave him my best puppy dog eyes.

"And then sleep. You are going to have a very busy day tomorrow."

"You are too."

"I'm not the new parasite around here."

"Okay I don't like ..." He put his fingers over my lips.

"Those are not my words. I'm sorry. I should have said 'soul'. Forgive me."

I just stared at him incredulously. He called me a parasite. How could he?

"Wanda? Please. If I could erase what I just said I would. Please don't ruin this moment."

"Fine. Words erased. Just kiss me." He leaned in and tenderly kissed my lips. Not like a few minutes ago. Now he was more controlled. I pushed the bad thoughts to the back of my mind. For now.

This was the slow burn kiss. It started out slow and became more passionate as the minutes passed. His hands caressed my body but stayed in the "PG" areas. I responded by caressing his body. I was enjoying the feel of the hair line just above the "No Fly" zone. We kissed for a long time before finally I was satisfied that he had repaired the inevitable crack that his comment had created. I was feeling at peace when my mind finally drifted off safe and secure in his arms.


	5. Chapter 5

**So I hope you are still with me because now the drama begins…..**

** Oh yeah, and I'm still waiting to hear from you. Yes, you.**

Dumb Luck

When I awoke, I found myself slung over Ian's chest like a rag doll. He was sprawled out on his back as always and taking up most of the bed. It reminded of the conversation he and I had when he called himself 'big and goofy'. When he was awake he was athletic and handsome, but when he slept he definitely looked big and goofy. I laughed to myself. I decided to get up and shower without waking him. As I slid my leg off of him, his arm came up and pulled me down onto his chest. Getting out of this bed might not be as easy as I thought. I slowly slipped myself out from under his arm and slid off of his chest totally freeing myself from his body. He suddenly reached out grabbing at air and his eyes popped wide open. "Wanda?" His eyes were still focusing.

"Good morning."

He grabbed me and pulled me to him. I was facing him with my elbow on his chest.

"Are you okay?" He seemed worried.

"Never better."

"You fell off the bed. Twice."

"I did? Hmm. I must have been dead to the world or I fell on my head."

He placed his hand on my cheek and he looked uneasy. "Well, I think it was more I pushed you off the bed. I'm sorry Babe."

"Huh. That it explains it then." Even in his unconsciousness, he had been trying to keep me close.

"Explains what?"

"Uh, nothing." I kissed him quickly and sprang from the bed before he could pull me back down. He rolled to his side grabbing at air.

"I'm going to take a shower." That was something I hadn't done in over a year, since I was in Melanie's body living in a small apartment and lecturing at the university. I grabbed my bag and headed off to the bathroom which was located just off the living room. As I came down the hall I could hear cartoons playing on the television. Burns must be up. I was not expecting what I saw when I came to the end of the hall and stepped into the room. There were two girls a few years younger than me and Burns and an older man sitting together watching the cartoons. All eyes turned to me as I entered. I pulled my bag up over my chest since all I was wearing on top was my silky camisole that was meant for Ian eyes only. One of the girls bounced out of the chair she had been lounging in.

"Wow!" She came closer. She was staring at my face. No, she was staring at my eyes. "It _is_ a parasite."

I hated that word. "Burns!" I moaned.

"I know! I'll talk to her." He answered in exasperation.

As I entered the bathroom, Ian made his entrance into the living room.

"Check you out." I heard the same obnoxious girl say to him. It pulled me back to the door to watch.

"Hi. I'm Ian." Ian held out his hand to shake the obnoxious girl's hand.

"What are you? Like the body guard?" she asked.

"Something like that." He smiled.

Ugh. Disgusting. "Burns do you have any conditioner?" I hadn't looked yet but I was trying to break up the obvious adulation this obnoxious girl was doling out to _my _Ian.

"I'll show you." It was the other girl who rose from the couch. She was a little taller than me. She had soft brown curly hair cropped short. Her eyes were crystal blue and her skin was sandy colored unlike the bronze of Ian's skin from the intense sun of the desert. She had an incredibly tiny waist. "Hi. I'm Megan," she said as she offered to shake my hand.

"Wanda."

I followed Megan into the bathroom and she showed me a small closet that rivaled a professional dressing room. Inside were a dozen different types of shampoos, conditioners, soaps, razors, shaving cream. She opened a drawer. It was a cache filled with hair accessories and make up.

"This is incredible!" I blurted out in my excitement.

"We all shower here. Burns is really good at trying to please everyone." Megan had a soothing voice. If she were a soul, I could see her as a comforter.

"I guess he is." I was still pawing through the assortment of hair ties, clips, eye shadows, mascaras, and the like. No one wore make up back in the caverns. This clan seemed to be much more advanced than we were. We had the necessities. They had that and so much more.

"Well, I'll leave you to shower. Towels are in the cabinet under the sinks. I'll see you soon." Megan slipped out of the bathroom closing the door behind her.

I took my time in the shower. I washed my hair and left the conditioner in while I shaved my legs. When I got out I wiped the mirror with my towel and I proceeded to beautify myself. I pulled my hair up out of my face and clipped it at the back of my head with a pretty barrette that had pearls woven through it. My curls ran softly just past my shoulders. I was having the time of my life. When Pet inhabited this body she had been such a prissy thing. Hair and make up were always a priority before leaving the house. Even though she had never been in love there was no shortage of admirers. As I was putting the finishing touches on my make up, I heard a light knock on the door.

"Babe, are you okay?" It was Ian.

"Be right there!" I called as I grabbed my toothbrush and bed clothes and shoved them into my bag.

When I exited the bathroom, Ian stepped back and his mouth fell open. He looked like he was in a trance. I placed my hand under his chin and snapped his mouth shut.

"You look pretty!" The obnoxious girl called out in a 'sing songy' voice.

The sound of her voice had snapped him out of his trance. He grabbed my hand and pulled me back into the bathroom. As the door shut, he pushed me up against it with his body. "Are you _trying_ to drive me insane?"

"Is it working?" I smiled innocently.

"More than you know." He grabbed my chin and planted his lips firmly on mine. It was the explosive kiss again. He put his hands around my neck and up into my hair lifting it off of my shoulders. My arms felt like Jell-O. At first I didn't even know where my hands were until I was able think clearly. My hands were grasping his strong biceps. I ran them from his shoulders, down his spinal cord, past the top of his jeans to the small of his back. I was ready for anything at this moment.

He pulled himself away. I _wasn't _ready for _that._ He was breathing heavy trying to catch his breathe. I almost had him. He _almost _lost control. Damn!

"You should go." He murmured.

"Ian!" I moved closer.

"Wanda, please," his voice was low.

"Fine." I pouted at him as I sulked out of the bathroom.

Back in the living room, all eyes were on me.

"Is that your boyfriend?" It was the obnoxious girl again.

"I'm sorry. What is your name?" Even though I was only two or three years older I felt much older than these girls.

"Sarah." She said as a matter of fact. The name did not fit her. She was tall and gangly. She had long dark brown, almost black hair down to the middle of her back and her eyes were hazel. Her face, her nose and her chin were long and thin. For some reason she reminded me of a Jessica although I didn't know why.

"No he's not my boyfriend. He's my fiancé." I snapped at her defensively.

"Get out!" she blasted. "Is that even possible?"

Before I could get into a defensive tirade, Nate came through the back door. "Good morning, all! Whoa! Wanda, you look especially delicious this morning." He walked over to me and hugged me, pausing a few seconds with his face buried in my hair. "I trust you slept well?" He still had one arm around my waist.

"Apparently I slept like a log, once I fell asleep." I said shooting off a sly grin that Nate was famous for giving me. I thought to myself, 'turn-about is fair play'.

"Huh."

Sarah now ran up to Nate. "Good morning. I missed you while you were gone." She threw her arms around his waist and pulled him away from me. He looked alarmed at the obvious attention she was giving him in my presence. I turned away because I didn't want him to see me laugh. Nate had a stalker. Perfect.

"Is everyone ready to go?" He asked.

"Ian is still in the shower." I answered. I walked over to the couch and sat down next to the man I had not met. I addressed him. "Hi. My name is Wanda, well Wanderer really."

He looked at me. "Good to meet you Wanderer but I'm a little confused."

"Confused at what?"

"I was under the impression you were here for Burns." He replied flatly.

I looked over at Burns who was holding his head in one hand and shaking it back and forth in denial. Apparently Burns had never had more than a platonic relationship with any of the humans. Maybe this was the reason for his interest in Sunny.

"No. I don't _think _so. I'm here to meet all of you and share my knowledge."

"Are you a teacher?"

"Well, no. I am more of what you would call a guest lecturer, I guess. My stories are for everyone, not just the children."

Nate spoke up. "She's lived on nine different planets that aren't even in our solar system."

This caught his interest. "Really? There are more people out there?"

"Well, no; but there are other types of species."

Nate interrupted. "Okay, lecture time hasn't begun yet. Let's get back to caves. Our visitors are awake and we need to be hospitable." He turned his attention towards Burns. "Burns, please bring Wanda and Ian when they are ready."

Burns nodded his head in acknowledgement. The others rose and headed out the back door. I was alone with Burns.

"Kind of closed minded. Aren't they?"

Burns lifted his head towards me. "Yeah, I'm sorry about that. They won't deny that they need me but I'm still very much an alien to them."

"That's sad." My thoughts were broken by the sound of a bell ringing. "Is that a _cell _ phone?"

"Yeah." He held his finger to his lips as he picked up the phone.

Wow. They even had cell phones. Our way of living in the caverns was starting to seem pretty primitive.

"Burns, here" … "How many?" … "Where?" … "You have them there?" … "Yeah." … "Let me finish up here and I will be right down to pick them up." … "Oh, Searing Flames?" … "Good job." He hung up the phone.

"What's going on?"

Again he held up one finger as he dialed the phone. "Nate. I got a call. They caught two women over at Kohl Mountain near the campground. Seems they were raiding the campers and they got caught. I'm going down to get them" … "Okay." … "Are you _sure_?" … "Yeah." … "Thanks." … I'll call you when I've got them." He snapped the phone closed.

I planted myself in front of him. "Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

Ian came out of the bathroom. "Did I hear a cell phone?"

Burns took a step back. "Yes to both of your questions." He paused a moment before speaking. "I am a Seeker."

I took two steps back in alarm.

"You son of a bitch!" Ian was ready to fight.

"Now hold on. It's not what you think. The townspeople think I am a Seeker so when the police manage to catch humans in their territory; they call me. I either try to find them which usually doesn't happen or if they have already been caught as in this case; I go and pick them up. I bring them back here. Then we figure out what to do with them."

"What do you mean, 'figure out what to do with them'?" Ian asked still being cautious.

"Well, sometimes, the human or humans are on the run and don't have any other allies. They are just rogues trying to keep alive. Usually, after they come here, they stay."

"Like those who accidentally find the caverns." Ian acknowledged nodding his head.

"Yes. We have _acquired _eleven new members since I started doing this. Sometimes they are raiding for other cells that they belong to. In that case, we try to return them to where they belong. This can be very tricky because you don't want to get shot." He looked up at Ian. "Would you like to come with me?"

"No. He doesn't want to come with you!" I snapped.

"We're just going to pick them up from the station. Nate usually comes with me. He'll ride in the back where he can't be seen." He turned and spoke directly to Ian now. "Your job is to calm them down after I get them into the back of the truck. Let them see that you are human and that we are taking them to a place that is safe."

"I'm going too." I was adamant.

"No, Wanda. You can't go. Having two souls is not going to be conducive to calming panicked humans down. Besides, Nate is coming up here to get you. He has a lot planned for you today."

Ian walked to me and took my hands in his. "I want to go, Wanda. I'd rather feel useful than follow you around all day." He kissed my forehead. "I'll be back before you even realize I'm gone." He dropped my hands and turned to Burns. "Let's do this thing."

The boys left through the back door leaving me standing with my arms folded across my chest in protest in the living room with cartoons blaring in the background.

It was only a few minutes before Nate came in. He was whistling. Another characteristic of Jeb's. "Hello, gorgeous!"

"Did you plan this?" I was annoyed.

He looked up with a guilty smirk. "What? You think I planned for two women to get caught?" He approached me and took my elbow. "I call it dumb luck. Don't be angry, Wanda. Now I get to be your escort for the day." He gestured towards the door. "Shall we?" When we reached the bottom of the step he added, "By the way, have I told you that you look ravishing today?"

"I believe it was delicious." I said flatly.

"Ahhh yes. That too." His smile reached all the way to his eyes.

It was nearly a mile walk to the cave where the clan lived. As we approached, there were 'obstacles' that we had to conquer before getting to the mouth of the cave. First there was a fence, then a trench that had been cleverly covered with leaves. If you didn't notice it and you fell in; the chances are you would sprain your ankle at the very least. You could avoid the trench if you knew where to cross. Finally there was another fence made of rocks, giving the illusion of a fortress. There was a gateway through this fence but it wasn't obvious as to where it was. Finally we approached the cave. The entrance was built into the side a mountain. It was carved from the rock. It was wide and not very high. All of the people who lived here could stand in the 'doorway'. The real door was deeper inside the cave. It was made of wood and it was strong. If they wanted to keep someone out they could. I remembered that Nate had spoken of an emergency hidden exit so I assumed that if they were trapped that there would be a way out. I found Mel, Jared, Aaron, and Lily at the mouth of the cave. They were enjoying the warm sunshine as they waited for me to arrive.

Jared was the first to speak. "Where's Ian?"

Nate raised his hand. "He went on a mission with Burns."

"Is he okay?" He looked to me for this answer.

"Yes, he's fine. He wanted to go."

Mel approached me. "Look at you! You are so pretty!"

Lily came up to look at me. "Yeah. Where did you get the make up?"

"Wait till you see Burns' bathroom. It is spectacular!" I gushed.

Lily barked. "I'm so jealous!"

Nate intervened. "Ladies! Everyone will have a chance to use the facilities. I promise. Now, can we get a move on? Everyone is waiting!"

He led us through the cave. The hallways were similar to ours, but they were all dimly lit. Nate provided us with information to our questions as they arose. It seemed all of the lamps were run on reusable batteries. The batteries were recharged in the root cellar which also served as the laundry room. They had two washers and two dryers. Use of the laundry room was put on a schedule by a lady named Maria. She seemed to be the matriarch on the ladies side. She was American Indian by heritage.

The one thing that I didn't like was the bedrooms. We had small independent rooms that housed one to three people. They only had five bedrooms altogether. They were much larger so they had to accommodate a minimum of four people each. You could tell the rooms that had been inhabited longer because there were cubicle walls inside to separate one space from another. Those that had not been here as long had sheets or blankets separating their space.

Food was cooked outside. They had a grill and a wood stove. Anything baked was done in Burns' kitchen. In the wintertime, it was a cold endeavor. There was a central cavern similar to ours in which the people congregated throughout the day. This is where the visitors slept. A stack of mattresses was piled up along the wall. Next to the mattresses sat the bags with our personal belongings. There were several couches up against the walls. Coffee tables sat between them. Each one had a battery powered lamp so the room was well lit.

The majority of their time was spent outside the cave. They played a variety of sports and in the winter they played in the snow.

Burns' home was used almost every day. Some watched television. There was a schedule for this also. Certain people watched certain shows on certain days but the children were the majority of the viewers. Of the twenty three people including Burns, eight were younger than me. The youngest was five years old. Ben and his mom, Nadine had been brought back on one of Burns' calls. Her husband had been previously caught and she and the boy had been on the run trying to stay alive for six months before they were caught by the local police. He was just three years old at the time. There was no way a Seeker could have tracked her to these caves.

The use of the shades with the word "NO" had been revised. There were actually two sets of shades on the windows on the back side of the house. A green shade drawn meant 'No' and a white shade meant 'Yes'. Burns did not get many visitors, but they were still very cautious.

Everyone was gathered in the main cave. The younger ones climbed the mattresses like they were mountains and perched themselves on top. The older residents got first pick of the couches. The rest of the adults had brought blankets and sat on them. Nate stood in front of the crowd. The meeting lasted about two hours. He spoke about the initial encounter with us. He told them about what he saw in our caverns. He talked about Jeb and Doc. He went around the room and introduced everyone in the clan. He mentioned something significant about each person in the room. He was a good speaker. I wondered what he had done for a living before the takeover. He introduced each of us and had us tell of how we had come to the caverns. He saved my introduction for last. For this he asked Melanie to come forward and tell _her_ story which was my story too. I think our story surprised most of them especially the older ones. Nate ended our meeting by telling them that Burns could not be here because of the phone call and that Ian was traveling with him.

After the meeting, we all broke for a late lunch. It was nearly three o'clock. In honor of the occasion hamburgers and hot dogs were grilled for all. Everyone mingled with each other. I noticed that the younger set had less difficulty approaching me than the older ones. Usually they came with a younger person and stayed in the background. I found out that the man I had met in the living room was Megan's Dad and his name was Carl. He had lost his wife due to a car accident before the takeover. Megan had been raised by her Aunt Sue who was here in the cave as well. Sue was older than Carl. She was one of the oldest here. She was in her forties. The oldest resident was a man named George. He was sixty three. He was a friend of Burns' parents and he knew of the caves, so when everything happened he hid with his daughter and her family. It seems Nate was part of this original family. George was his uncle.

Eventually the crowd thinned and Nate found his way back to me. "How are you doing?"

"It's a little overwhelming."

"Well, we have less people here than you do at home."

"True. But I spent my first weeks in solitary confinement. There wasn't much to tell initially other than Mel's body had returned with a 'parasite' controlling it. I didn't need to do much talking."

"I just have a hard time believing you are not human." He looked perplexed.

"Oh but I am. I bleed just as you do and if you strangled me right now this body would die. As far as me, the soul, you would have minutes to save me. Would you even want to try?"

"Truthfully, I don't know."

"Well Jared, Ian, and Doc did."

"So are you still the same person … er I mean soul that you were before?"

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Let me try to put this into perspective for you. Nate, you are a good looking, personable, and charming guy."

"I thought you'd never notice." He grinned.

"I noticed. But that is not my point. Let's say they took the essence of 'you' out of your body and put it into a body like Burns. Would you be the same? Would you still be charming? Burns is not charming. He's sweet but he's not charming. Maybe the only reason you are charming is because you have that body." I paused allowing him to soak up my words. "You see Melanie over there? She is tall and strong and outgoing. She's not afraid of anything."

"Well neither are you."

"I wasn't when I was in her body but then again she was with me."

"What about Rides the Beast?"

"Good point. Maybe I was like Melanie in that body. I am insecure in this body."

"You shouldn't be."

"That may be true, but it _is_ what it is. People like to do things for me. I can't help wondering what I would do if there wasn't anyone to _do_ for me."

"I wouldn't worry about that. I would _do_ for you anytime."

I smiled at him. "Thanks Nate but that wouldn't do much to help my insecurities now would it?"

Megan and Sarah burst onto the scene ending our conversation. "Aunt Sue and some of the others want to know when Wanderer is going to start her lecture."

He turned to me. "Are you up for a question and answer session?"

"Sure."

"I'll get you started. Then I am going to take your friends up to the house and show them around. I know the ladies especially will want get into the shower."

I spent the next few hours fielding questions just as I did back in the caverns in the desert. The more information I offered the more questions they asked. Nate had returned after only a half hour and had taken a front row seat. He was eager to hear my stories as well.

By the time my question and answer session was over, it was late. Four of the women on the couches including Aunt Sue and Maria left in a hurry. Nate had been the one to call the session to an end citing his own rumbling stomach as the cause. He was at my side as soon as the others began filing out of the cave.

"Would you like something to drink?"

"Yes, that would be great." My brain was humming like a high voltage power line from all of talking I had done.

"Come with me."

I followed him to a small room that was filled with food and beverages that had been neatly stacked and stored.

"What's your poison, Water, Soda, or Juice?" he asked.

"Um juice. Grape, if you have it."

"Grape it is." He handed me two cups and filled each of them from a half gallon bottle. "We should go outside. It's too nice to be stuck in these caves all day."

Once outside, he brought me to where the children were playing. There were two adults supervising them.

"We call this the playground. This is Professor Maxim and his lovely wife Miranda. They teach the children. Even little Ben knows how to read already." Maxim and Miranda were a middle aged couple who spoke with a foreign accent, maybe Russian. I wasn't sure. They seemed well suited to each other.

After the introductions, Nate turned to me and said "I've sent someone to retrieve your friends from the house. They should be here momentarily. As much as I hate leaving you I must attend to some business. I will see you after dinner." He bowed and took my hand like a true gentleman and kissed it gently. "You will be okay here?"

"Yes." I answered. My face was pink with embarrassment. He was always portraying a character and when it came right down to it; he _was _charming.

I spent my time alone watching the children play. It was nice to see them in the fresh air, running and laughing. I wondered where Ian and Burns were. Eventually, I saw Mel, Jared, Aaron, and Lily coming towards me. Rachel was with them.

Mel rushed up to me and blubbered, "The bathroom was exquisite. Jared and I took a bath in the Jacuzzi!" She leaned in real close and whispered, "It was heaven and then some!" I was extremely happy for her. Now Jared approached looking like that cat that swallowed the canary. No words needed to be spoken.

Lily was wearing make-up so I assumed she had enjoyed the powder room as well. Aaron was, well … Aaron. He wasn't about to gush about anything; least of all, a bathroom. We decided to explore the area. We found the field that was used for sports functions. It was freshly mowed, so they must have a lawn mower somewhere on the premises. By the time we had circled back to the cave, everyone was lining up for dinner. I saw no sign of Nate so I had no idea what he was up to. Ian and Burns also were 'no shows' for dinner. This worried me. What if they got caught? I bit my lip at the thought.

Dinner was delicious. It consisted of spaghetti with sausage, salad, and bread. Mel and I volunteered to help with the dishes. They had huge tubs filled with heated water for washing set up outside the cave. The sun had gone down but the area was well lit with lanterns. Mel and I dried the dishes as they were handed to us.

I stayed close to her as I spoke in a muted voice. "So, this romantic interlude with Jared, today. Did you tell him?" I was curious because Jared did not show any signs of being upset.

"I wanted to. I did, but … we were in the tub. The water was swirling around us and …" She didn't need to finish.

"Mel you have to tell him!" I hissed.

"I know." She sounded disappointed in herself. "I will. I'll tell him when we get back to the caverns."

"It might be best. You will both have more support there." I knew Jared would need Jeb. He looked to him like a father.

After the dishes were done, I noticed some of the elders standing together and talking. They were looking at us and nodding their heads. Finally, George, the oldest of them came directly up to me and said flatly, "You will not sleep in the caves with us. It's a rule. Not even Burns sleeps in the cave. It's not because we don't like you, you understand."

It was like he had stabbed me in the chest. My eyes stung with the tears I was holding back. I didn't know what to say.

Lily came to my defense. "She's waiting for Nate so he can take her back to the house."

From behind me I heard, "Did I hear someone say my name?"

It was Nate. I turned and threw my arms around his waist and buried my face in his chest. "Well now, whatever I did to deserve this, please tell me so I can do it again." He folded his arms around me.

"They are so mean!" I croaked.

He backed away and cupped my chin in his hand so he could see my face. "Are you crying?"

"They told me that I couldn't sleep in the cave!" I was wiping back the tears.

He pulled me close and enveloped me in his arms. "Awwww. You don't want to sleep there anyway. You've got a whole bedroom to yourself! They all have to share whether they like it or not."

I said my good-byes to my friends and then Nate and I headed back to the house. As we were walking I stumbled over some tree roots and Nate grabbed my hand to steady me and then he didn't let go. When we arrived at the house, the shades were already pulled. He plopped on the couch and turned the television on. "I suppose that you want to wait up for Ian?" That was a no brainer.

"Why are they so late? The town isn't that far away, is it?"

"No. But the illusion would not be complete if he turned around and brought them right back here. He drives out about two hours and then hangs out for a few hours before he returns. The road runs directly through the center of town and we don't want to give anyone a reason to suspect anything. By my calculation, they should be back pretty soon."

I sauntered over to the couch and sat down on the opposite side. He pretended not to notice me, but he kept leering sideways. He was being obvious about it. I pretended not to notice. Then he flipped onto his back with his head in my lap. He made faces at me. I couldn't keep a straight face any longer. I giggled.

"Why do you always flirt with me?" I was still giggling.

"Because I like you."

"I like you too." I wasn't lying. He was fun to be around.

"Good." He rolled over onto his side to see the television but he kept his head on my lap. I gingerly laid my hand on his shoulder.

After a while, the truck pulled into the driveway. Nate shot to his feet. "They're here."

We both raced to the back door and down the steps. Burns was just backing the truck up towards us. Nate carefully opened the back door. Ian backed out of the truck slowly. As he stood upright and turned, I was on him in a second throwing my arms around his neck. "You're home!" I was relieved.

He put his arms around me and lifted me off the ground. "Hey Babe, did you miss me?"

Stupid question. I was facing the back of the truck and my gaze fell upon two women with horrified looks on their faces. Nate was trying to keep them calm. "Ian, I need you. Wanda, say good night to Ian."

I didn't get it. "What do you mean say good night to Ian?" I didn't let go of him.

Ian pulled my arms from around his neck. He growled at Nate. "You didn't tell her?"

"Be serious. Would you have told her?" Nate said in his defense.

Burns came around Ian and grabbed me by the waist and started hauling me up the stairs. As Ian's hands were pulled from mine he lamented, "I love you!" The last thing he saw was my flailing arms and legs as they were carried through the door.

Burns put me down on the couch. "Stay!" He said rigidly.

I was fuming. I was rocking back and forth ready to jump off the couch and run back to Ian.

Burns towered in front of me. He took a deep breath and then he spoke slowly and deliberately which was his style whenever he wanted to be taken seriously. "You can blame this one on Nate. He knew when he sent Ian that this would happen. It is the way it is always done."

"What are you talking about?"

"Whenever we go to do a 'pick up' it is always me as the driver and Nate in the back. I go to the station posing as the Seeker. After I place the Humans in the back and close the door, it is his turn to calm them down and try to gain their trust. When we get back here, we can't just let them out of the van to run away. We keep them in the root cellar. I have five cots that I keep there. We've never picked up more than three at a time. Nate and one of the others stay with them for a couple of days until they are ready to meet the others. I stay out of the picture until they are comfortable enough to meet me."

"You mean Ian is going to sleep with those two girls in the root cellar?" I was livid.

"Just for a few days."

"NO!" I was enraged now. Burns was quick though, he grabbed both of my wrists.

"Wanda, I know this sucks. I'm sorry. Look I have to go and lock them in for the night."

"I want to come."

"No." He was already turning towards the door.

"I want to say good night to Ian. It's not fair. If you know what is good for you, you will let me come. I'll keep you up all night. You'll be sorry."

He stopped. He let out a low growl. "Come on." He said in a low voice.

When we got to the cellar, Burns knocked on the door as he ordered Ian to come out. As he appeared, Burns warned him, "You have five minutes."

As I dragged him into the darkness he apologized. "Look I'm sorry, Babe. I didn't know about this."

"Ugh! Please don't call me 'Babe'."

He seemed surprised. "That's why you are mad? Because I call you 'Babe?'"

"No … Yes … I don't know. I'm mad because you made me a promise."

He seemed confused. "What promise is that?"

"You told me that as long as we were together, I would never sleep alone."

"Babe, I didn't mean to break the promise. You have to look at the big picture. We found two more humans … alive. This is _huge!_ I feel so … so"

"Three more minutes!" Burns called out.

He took my face in his hands. "Look, I don't want to fight."

I started to cry. "But I want to be with you!"

"I know." He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. My salty tears had become a part of the kiss. He kissed my eyes. Then he parted my lips with his tongue and the passion began to build. I was breathing heavily and my heart was pounding. I was praying that he would scoop me up and carry me off to the bed. Burns called "Time's up!" but we didn't stop. He put his lips to my ear and whispered. "I'll see you in my dreams, my Love, my little Wanderer." He started to pull away but I clung to him. He scooped me into his arms. Was my dream coming true? As he approached the root cellar door he handed me over to Burns. As my body dropped into Buns' arms he said "Take care of my precious cargo. Okay?"

Burns nodded.

I was too angry and keyed up to go to bed. I didn't want to talk to Burns so I decided I would soak in the Jacuzzi. I had to admit, it really was luxurious. My venomous thoughts of Nate's plot slowly faded to the back of my head. Instead, I concentrated on my memory of my five minutes with Ian. His warm hands on my face and his precious lips on mine … I sighed. I wanted so much to be able to wake up in his arms again. By the time I decided to get out of the tub, my mind and body were both more relaxed. It was late. I was surprised to see Burns still lounging on couch watching the television.

"Aren't you going to bed?" I was curious because he looked tired.

"Are you?" He replied.

I realized that he had no intentions of going to bed until I was safely tucked away in mine. "What am I? A prisoner now?" I was annoyed.

"Nope. Just 'precious cargo'." He said in earnest.

His answer caught me by surprise and diffused the ire that was bubbling to the surface. Instead, I smiled at him. "Let's go to bed."

I had a hard time falling asleep and I was restless throughout the night. It seemed like hours before exhaustion finally dragged me under.


	6. Chapter 6

**So this is the chapter where things start to really heat up. I want to thank Meggie for all her encouraging words and support throughout all of my books. Without you it never would have happened. I love you Meggie.**

The Schemer

When I woke, it was nearly mid morning and like yesterday; there were kids watching cartoons. Miranda was supervising. Burns was not around.

"Miss Wanda, Burns told me he would be back shortly. He said you should get some breakfast in the kitchen."

I grabbed a bowl of cereal. There were several gallons of milk in the big silver refrigerator. Milk was a rare commodity back at the caverns in the desert. I leaned against the doorway to the living room watching the cartoons as I ate. When I finished I returned to the kitchen and washed my bowl and the other dishes that were left in the sink. I assumed they had belonged to the same children now lounging on the couch. Just as I was wiping the table, I heard the back door slam. I rushed to see if it was Ian. It wasn't. My heart sank. It was Burns. He acknowledged the others before he approached me.

"How would you like to go on a road trip?" His voice was filled with anticipation.

"Road trip? For what?" I was skeptical.

"Nate says we need supplies." I immediately thought of the several gallons of milk in the fridge.

"This refrigerator is full!"

"Okay, well, the thing is, Nate says that you and I need to get away for the day so he and Ian can introduce the newcomers to the clan. They need to feel safe."

I was getting angry now. "So, you and I are dangerous. That is so ridiculous. We wouldn't hurt a fly, Burns!"

His voice was calm but firm. "Wanda, they've been on the run for seven years! Do you have any idea what that's like?" He forced my memories to revert to Mel's. I _did_ know what it was like to be on the run. As a matter of fact, I knew what it was like to be caught. I nearly died. I would have preferred it to getting caught. I shuddered at the pain Mel's body had felt at the bottom of that elevator shaft. I resigned myself to give in to Nate's wishes.

"Okay." My whole body slumped.

"It'll be fun, you'll see." He was trying to be positive.

I stomped off to the bedroom and retrieved my toothbrush and my hairbrush and then headed for the bathroom. If I was going to go to town, I was at least going to look good. Applying my makeup took less time than yesterday. Burns made the appropriate  
"you look pretty" comment upon seeing me. I was hoping to see Ian before we left but Burns told me they were going straight to the cave after he left them this morning. He added "Ian sends his love." Then he laughed and said "Nate sends his too." I blushed at the attention.

As we pulled out of the dirt driveway, I asked, "So, what are we going to get?" I tried to sound chipper.

Burns handed me a list that looked more like an itinerary than a shopping list. There were many items on the list that would require several stops because the items fell into several categories. "I thought we should go to Irving. It's about two hours from here. It's a good size city and they have one of the largest sporting goods stores in the area. They carry a lot of high end sports gear. Nate was adamant that I get the best that money could buy, so to speak."

I read the list. "So, I guess we are getting a pitcher's glove, a catcher's glove..."

"Mitt" he corrected me.

"What?"

"It's a pitcher's glove and a catcher's mitt." Did I care? Really?

I ignored him and continued the list. "A catcher's mask, chest and knee protectors, leg blocks? Cups? What do you need cups for?"

Burns started to laugh.

"I'm glad I'm so funny." I was annoyed.

"I'm sorry." He was still trying to get his laughter under control. "Leg blocks are used by the catcher. It helps him to squat behind the plate without killing his knees."

"And cups?"

"Protection. You know, so you and Ian can have children one day." Suddenly I understood and I was totally embarrassed that I didn't get it earlier. My embarrassment did not stop my mind from wandering to the possibilities of me and Ian with a child. I imagined ten years from now. A son, playing ball with his Dad. Ian, a dad, it made me want to burst with joy. He would be a great Dad. I could see him coaching a whole team of boys on the field I saw yesterday.

Burns spoke snapping me out of my dream, "After that I thought we could do some shopping for you. Maybe you could get some new clothes."

"I don't think it's on Nate's list." I teased.

"Look again." He was being smug.

I looked and there it was near the bottom of the long list. It said 'anything Wanda desires.' I wondered if this was Ian's doing or Nate's. "I don't really need anything."

"Now, Nate said to make _sure_ you pampered yourself. He said and I quote 'Tell that beautiful lady to buy herself some new clothes so she can make them look pretty.'" Nate had managed to flatter me even from afar. Oh, he was good, but even so, he would still answer for his little plot of taking Ian away from me for two days.

The sporting goods store was _huge. _It had three levels. There was a section for just about every sport imaginable. We went to the section with the baseball gloves. There were about fifty types to choose from. Forty five minutes later, Burns settled on four he would purchase, one pitcher's glove, one catcher's _mitt, _andtwo other gloves. "Let's go look at some bats." He was obviously excited. The batting section was about thirty feet long. I thought to myself "Kill me now." He _better _take me shopping for clothes after this! I tried to be patient but I was bored out of my skull. He didn't seem to notice. Thankfully, it only took him about fifteen minutes to pick out three bats.

"Are we done?" I asked hopefully.

"I'm sorry Wanda. Am I boring you?" He was concerned.

"No!" I tried to fake my enthusiasm but he saw right through me.

"I promise I will try to be quick about it. How about you go explore the shops nearby? I'll be right here in the baseball section or if I finish I will stand right in front of the store."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," he said casually. "It's not like there is any crime out here." He grinned and patted my back for reassurance.

Once I got outside, I saw a clothing store next door. I went inside to browse. There were a lot of cute tops for the summer that had just arrived. It seemed that eyelet lace was in vogue this year. I decided to buy a top for myself. I bought a top for Mel and Lily as well. Outside, Burns was still nowhere in sight. I walked across the street. There was a jewelry shop. The sparkle of diamonds lured me to the window. I admired the beautiful engagement rings. I wished that Ian would have the freedom to get a ring for me.

Suddenly, I felt a presence very close behind me. "See, anything you like?" Burns whispered.

"I like them all." I gushed.

"Would you like me to get one for you?"

I turned to him with sadness and I murmured, "If only Ian could get one for me."

"I know." He was sympathetic. He paused a moment and then he changed the subject. "You feel like having lunch?"

"Sure." He put his arm around my shoulders and I put my arm around his waist. We walked down the street like a real couple towards a little diner that had a fifties theme.

The waitresses wore poodle skirts, sweaters, and saddle shoes. There were posters from the movie 'Grease' adorning the walls. Instead of sitting across from each other, Burns and I sat next to each other in the booth. We held hands on top of the table. Our waitress was very nice of course. While we waited for our food, we flipped through the little jukebox at the end of the table looking for songs that we knew. I discovered that Pet had really enjoyed music because I knew a lot of the songs and the artists who sang them.

"Hey Burns!" I was excited.

He copied my excitement like he was a character in the 'Grease' movie. "Hey what?"

This took me by surprise because Burns always seemed so subdued. "I know what I want to buy!"

"What is it that you want?"

"I want a battery powered CD player with speakers and CD's."

"Is _that_ all?" He was amused. "After lunch, it will be our next stop."

After we finished lunch, we drove to another part of the city. He pulled into a Best Buy. We entered the store again as a happy couple holding hands. I drifted towards the televisions. There was a whole room full of beautiful widescreen televisions to choose from.

"Wanda, I thought we were here to by a CD player?"

I wrapped my arms around his waist. "Oh, honey! We should get a new TV!"

He was beaming. He obviously liked being called 'honey' even if it was only pretend.

"Really, you think so?" He wasn't convinced.

"Absolutely!" I trilled.

So, we spent a lot of time in the electronics store, it was hours actually; choosing a television and a CD player that had the option of running on batteries. I chose ten CD's and I noticed that I favored the greatest hits CD's of the bands of the seventies.

The back of the truck was loaded with baseball equipment and electronics. It was already dinner time although we had eaten a late lunch.

I pulled out my list. "We need to go to Home Depot. It says here that we need lumber and nails. What do we need that for?"

"It's a surprise for Ian actually."

I was confused. "What kind of a surprise?"

"You know how Ian was a baseball player in college?"

"Noooo. He said he was an athlete but we never talked about which sport he played. Considering what a great soccer player he is, I assumed he played soccer. I did see a picture of him and his brother as children wearing baseball uniforms." Come to think it of it, Ian had a baseball hat back at the cavern. I felt stupid that I had never asked this direct question when Ian and I were discussing his life. I was too obsessed with his sex life.

"Nate told me this morning that Ian was slated to pitch during the summer of his sophomore year of college on a minor league team. If he had done well, he had the option to drop out of college and join the team with hopes of breaking into the majors." Again I felt so uninformed when it came to Ian's life. What an idiot I am. Maybe I should spend more time talking to him instead of trying to lose my virginity.

"Wanda, are you alright?" Burns broke me out of my trance.

"What? Yeah. I never knew that about Ian. Thank you for telling me. But what's the lumber for?"

"Nate wants to build a pitching stand. It will give Ian a target to aim at when he's pitching by himself."

"Huh." I thought it was nice of Nate to reward Ian after the two day sacrifice. It's too bad we would only be here a few more days.

Burns had a paper with the schematics drawn for him to use as a guide when buying the lumber and the plywood. One would think buying lumber would be easy, but again Burns was very picky about what he wanted. I couldn't help thinking to myself that it was no wonder he didn't have a girlfriend but I knew deep down that wasn't really the reason why. No human had ever given him the opportunity to be affectionate in that way. Maybe, that's why he was drawn to Sunny.

The back of the truck was pretty full, so we decided our last stop would be the mall. We ate at the food court and then shopped for some clothes. I found the most adorable 'baby doll' dresses. I bought two. One was a soft purple and green box plaid. It came to mid thigh. I knew it was the right dress when Burns' face turned pink at the sight of me. The other was gray and white and it was tiered all the way down giving it a bounce when I walked. I dragged Burns to the men's department and I talked him into buying some new form fitting knit shirts. He had a nice upper body but he always hid it under a loose fitting t-shirt. I grabbed a shirt for Ian as well.

By the time we got back on the road to head home it was nearly ten o'clock and we still had a two hour drive. Burns reached across me and pulled the cell phone out of the glove compartment. "Three missed calls," he muttered.

"Maybe we should call them and let them know we are on our way."

He tossed the phone onto the dashboard. "OR … we could leave Nate uninformed the way he did with you." He pulled his lips back into a wicked grin.

"Burns, you are a genius!" I settled in for the long ride. We stopped at a fast food joint on the way out of town and got milkshakes.

"Burns?"

"Yes?"

"How come you never tried to get close to a human? You know, like a girlfriend?"

His expression turned serious. "You see how they are. They won't even allow you to sleep in the cave." There was sadness in his voice.

"Yes but maybe if you flirted a bit, the girls would come around."

"I'm not really good at flirting." He stated defensively. "Nate has the market cornered on being the ladies' man."

I nodded in agreement. "Yeah, but … you flirt okay with me."

"That's because you start it. You have a way of making me feel comfortable." He paused and then added, "Besides, I know you love Ian."

"I guess." We were quiet now. I started to plot in my mind. I was trying to figure out a way to get him closer to someone other than me. I laughed to myself after a few minutes when I suddenly realized I was Nate. Maybe his plotting wasn't so evil. Then again maybe it was.

I started to get drowsy after about an hour of blackness, nothing but the road ahead of us. I slid over and leaned across the console and put my head on Burns' upper arm. He lifted his arm over my shoulder and cradled me against his side. I promptly fell asleep.

The next thing I knew, Burns was gently shaking me awake and Nate was screaming at him through the open window of the truck. Nate ripped open the door. "Where the hell have you been?" He was hopping mad.

I was still cradled in Burns' arm and he looked down at me as I looked up at him. He turned to Nate and in the most calm voice he replied, "Shopping." I giggled. It was funny.

Nate was speechless, which was a first. He stared at us incredulously. He seemed to be equally irked by our closeness. "You couldn't call? I called you three times!"

Burns was still calm as he helped me sit up. Then he replied, "Call? … Right. No, we couldn't call."

Nate realized that Burns was being defiant and so he decided to go for the Achilles heel. "Ian was about to take off looking for you. He's worried to death."

In my effort to defy Nate I had completely forgotten about Ian. "Will you take me to him?" Now, I was fully awake..

"I don't know why I should. He's probably asleep by now." I knew better. Ian would never go to sleep until he knew I was home safe. The three of us stomped off through the peace and quiet of the night towards the root cellar. Nate was still trying to make me feel bad for coming home so late. He was argumentative even though I wasn't answering his questions. Burns sped off ahead of us to open the door before Nate's tirade woke the girls sleeping inside. I don't know how long Ian was standing behind me. I only know that Nate pushed one too many buttons. I lunged in his direction and tried to push him away from me.

"What gives you the right to judge what Burns and I do?" I shoved him again. This time he grabbed my wrists to restrain me. "You are not my boyfriend. I like you but you keep trying to screw it up. Why? Why can't you just accept …" That's when I pulled my wrists free and turned to see Ian staring at us … at me. I needed to do some damage control. Now! I ran to Ian and threw my arms around him.

He pulled my arms off of him and pushed me away. "What happened with Burns today?"

I knew he had a jealousy thing about Burns which was so _ridiculous_ because Nate was much more of a threat than Burns. "Nothing. We hung out."

He looked up at Nate. Nate just shook his head and walked away.

I continued. "You have to trust me. There is nothing between me and Burns except friendship."

"I want to believe you, Wanda, I do. But …"

How could he _not_ see that Nate had allowed this to escalate. Nate could have set things straight, but he didn't. I snapped. "You know what? Maybe you and Nate can just kiss each _other_ good night!" I turned around to walk away. Ian grabbed my elbow and pulled me back.

"Wait. You kissed Burns?" He interpreted the meaning all wrong.

"No. I didn't. But what if I did? Would you even care?" He started to object.

"I'M NOT DONE TALKING! You are so worried about Burns when the guy you should be …" I changed direction quickly. He and Nate would be spending the night locked in the root cellar. I didn't want to be responsible for murder. "Why do you and Nate think that you own me? I love you Ian but you are making it very difficult." He started to speak again but I cut him off. "I had so much fun today. I can't even remember when you and I had fun like that and all we did was shop!"

"I'm sorry I _can't_ take you shopping!" He was desperate.

I suddenly got quiet again. "I know."

I paused in the moment and took a step towards him. "Tomorrow, things need to change." I shouted into the night. "DO YOU HEAR THAT, NATE?"

I stepped up close to him. I was still angry but I wouldn't let my anger keep me from kissing him good night. "I still love you." I put my hand on his cheek and kissed his lips tenderly but quickly. As I pulled away, he pulled me back and tried to kiss me again. I blocked him. "I'm sorry, Ian. I can't kiss you like that and then go back to an empty bed. It's too hard. Talk to your friend Nate. Tell him …" I thought about what I wanted to say. "Tell him I _need_ _you._" I kissed his cheek and walked away. Burns was waiting for Ian to return so he could lock up the root cellar. I looked back and Ian was still standing motionless like a statue. I walked slowly in the direction of the house. Before long, Burns caught up to me.

"Wanda, I …" I interrupted him.

"It's not your fault."

Once we got inside the house, I plopped on the couch. "I'm going to sleep here if you don't mind. I can't go into that empty bedroom."

He sat on the couch with me. "Come here." He pulled me to his chest. I curled up on the couch and he cradled me in his arms. He turned off the light on the coffee table. He put his cheek on the top of my head. "You know what?" he whispered.

"What?"

"You make me miss my little sister." A lump formed in my throat. He pulled me closer and we didn't speak anymore.

I woke up in my own bed. Burns must have put me to bed after I fell asleep. I looked out the window. It had rained overnight and it was still cloudy. The weather seemed to be mirroring my life. I got up and grabbed my bag. When I opened the door to the bedroom there were two things different from the last two days. The first was there was no one else in the house. It was as if Burns had deliberately made everyone stay away. The second thing was my bags with the clothing I had acquired on our trip were lying on the floor outside my bedroom door. I took them back to the bedroom and chose the dress that had Burns blushing when I modeled it for him. I slung it over my shoulder and headed for the bathroom. I showered quickly and when I left the bathroom, Ian was sitting in the living room.

He jumped up when he saw me. He shoved his hands in his pockets. He shrugged his shoulders. He looked so nervous. "I'm back." He said timidly. I noticed his bag of clothes was lying on the floor next to the couch.

"Where are you sleeping tonight?" I was unusually calm.

"I don't know. I know it won't be in the root cellar." He was frozen in his spot; his hands still rooted in his pockets pushing them down until his arms were straight and his shoulders were hunched. He looked so cute I wanted to run to him. I was determined to stay in control instead. I wasn't going to let anyone own me today.

"Do you like my new dress?"

"Are you kidding? Why do you think I have my hands in my pockets?"

"I don't know. Why?"

He took one hand out of his pocket and rubbed his chin in thought. "You know, I never could understand why women wear lingerie. It makes men so crazy they just want to rip it off to get to the girl inside. It's like that for me right now."

I nodded my head. "I see." I wanted to move but I didn't. "And this jealousy thing you have about Burns?"

"Under control," he said raising his free hand.

"Good." Silence followed.

"Ian?"

"What?"

"Are you going to make me stand here all day?"

I never saw anyone move so fast in my life. I blinked and he was on me, lifting me above his head. I giggled as I put my hands on his shoulders to steady myself while I hovered in the air. As he lowered me to the ground I pulled my arms around his neck.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too." He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. The kiss was just heating up when the back door slammed.

It was Burns and Nate together. "Sorry about that." Burns murmured.

"Good morning Burns." I smiled at my kind, sweet, 'big brother'.

Nate whined. "What. I don't get a good morning?"

"Would someone please tell him that I am not speaking to him?"

"Come on, pretty lady. Ian's back, isn't he?"

Ian blurted out. "As if you could have stopped me."

Nate shot me a look. I took it as an acknowledgment that he _could_ have stopped him had he chosen to do so. "Look, I hate to break up your little party here but you have a lecture to give."

"WHAT?" I was shocked. The look was not that he _could_ stop us from being together but that he _would_ stop us from being together. "You son of a …"

"Hup Hup. You're a lady … and your class awaits."

"Ian!"

"Don't worry. You'll knock 'em dead. I'll be right there in the front row." Ian assured me.

"Um. Actually, I had something planned that I think you will like." Nate said to Ian.

"Sorry. I'm staying with Wanda." Ian seemed adamant.

Nate turned to me. "Wanda do you want him to sit and watch you give a lecture he's already heard?" I bit my lip. The baseball equipment. Ian would have the chance to throw a pitch like he hasn't done in seven years.

I turned to Ian. "Ian, you have to go with Nate."

"But …"

"Trust me. It will make your day."

"_You _make my day." He was pleading.

I sighed. "This will make your year." I glared at Nate.

Nate was looking innocently at me but I knew better. The master planner.

"Well, at least you can walk me to my class first." I put my arm through Ian's arm and led him through the door and down the steps. Dragging Ian along, I caught up to Burns and put my other arm through his so I had Ian on my left and Burns on my right. Nate would just have to walk alone. Damn Nate, he was good.

Jared, Aaron, Mel, and Lily were waiting for us in front of the cave. It suddenly dawned on me that I had forgotten the gifts that I had acquired for them. Mel and Lily rushed towards me. Burns and Ian both dropped their arms and backed away as if in fear of the female onslaught. "We were wondering what happened to you." Mel called out.

"When you weren't back by nightfall we thought you and Burns had taken off." Lily chimed in.

"You know me better than that. I couldn't leave my family and I certainly couldn't leave Ian." I hugged each of them to give them reassurance.

"What time did you get in?" Lily asked.

"About midnight."

"Crap! What did Ian say?" Mel kept her voice low because he was nearby. Lily pulled her head into our little girl circle.

"He was _not_ happy, but it's okay now … Oh! I forgot to tell you. I have something for each of you. Are you going to be here after my class?"

Lily replied. "We're coming to the class. We love hearing about your adventures."

"Good." I was relieved to have them support me. "We can go back to the house afterward."

Ian interrupted our little clutch. "Mind if I say Good-bye?"

"Of course not."

Ian pulled me aside. "Are you sure you want me to go?"

"I'm one hundred percent sure."

He still looked hesitant as he pulled my face to his and kissed me. The kiss lasted just a bit longer than it should have considering we were in public and others were starting to arrive at the cave. One thing I could say for sure about Ian; his slow burn kisses always left me a little woozy.

"I'll see you right here for lunch?"

"Absolutely."

I didn't know where to start with my stories today, so I asked if anyone had any questions. It was Lily who threw out the first question and it was a doozy. She wanted to know about the planet that Burns had come from and if I had ever been to it. I told the group that Burns' real name was 'Burns Living Flowers' and that he came from the Fire World.

"I have never been to the planet. It is only one of two planets that my kind has inhabited that I have not spent time on. I _can_ tell you that there has been much controversy due to the violence used by the fire taster to acquire sustenance." I didn't like the subject simply because I felt that Burns was not a 'typical fire taster' and I felt that he did not enjoy his life on that planet, although I have to admit that I never asked his opinion.

"It seems the fire tasters are not the only intelligent life form on the planet. The Walking Flowers, also intelligent creatures are murdered to feed the fire tasters. The irony is the flowers themselves are not eaten. They are burned alive and it is the smoke that is ingested." This opened up a whole gamut of questions and discussions. The topic of humans being taken against their will was brought up and at some point, I was being verbally attacked. Luckily Melanie came to my defense. She was able to provide 'inside' information having been a prisoner in her own body. She was able to describe what it was like to share her body with me. She told them we became friends and that if she had to share her body again to save my life she would. I was glad when the end of the class finally came. I grabbed the girls and rushed out of the cave.

"That was intense," Mel commented.

"I know." It was good to be out in the fresh air again and to take deep breaths. "We still have two hours before lunch. Let's go to the house so I can show you all the stuff I got on my shopping trip."

To my surprise, Burns and Aaron were at the house in the living room installing the new wide screen television. I couldn't help but notice Burns' and Lily's eyes lock on each other for just a moment. Was it possible they liked each other? They were both the shy type. I had to find out. Suddenly, it all fell into place. I had a plan, a plot, a 'Nate maneuver'. "Sit here while I get the bags." I saw Ian's clothing bag still sitting on the living room floor by the couch. I scooped it up and tossed it on the bed in my room. I returned to the living room, bags in hand.

"Well, I bought this dress." I twirled for them to get the full effect. Burns and Aaron both stopped what they were doing to look at me.

"It's adorable!" Melanie trilled.

"I got this one too." I pulled out the multi-tiered gray and white number and held it up to my body. They both replied with enthusiasm. I moved on to the bag with the eyelet lace tops. I pulled mine out first and held it up.

"I _love_ lace!" Lily chirped.

"Mel? You know that Jared loves you to death. He asked me to please get something nice for you. So, this is really from him." I handed her the blouse and she jumped up and danced about with it against her body.

"I love it! Thank you."

Now, I turned to Lily. My plan was about to unfold. "Lily? You see that big guy over there? The one with all the cute freckles?" Burns dropped the tool he was using on the floor. "He got this for you." I pulled the blouse out of the bag and handed it to her.

"Really?" She looked at Burns. "Really? You did this for me?" She turned her attention to him and in that moment I mouthed the words to him "Go to her!" I was gesturing for him to go forward towards her with my hands. Thankfully he responded. She met him half way and she put her arms around his neck and she hugged him. He hugged her back. The look on his face was priceless! The seed had been planted. Now, I just had to nurture it so it would grow.

Once the television was hooked up, we all sat on the couch and watched a movie. We didn't catch it from the beginning but none of us really cared. We were just having fun. Burns and Lily sat next to each other on the couch. After the movie, it was already lunch time. We ran to the cave because we knew we were late. I had promised Ian I would be there. He was already there and he was beaming when he saw me.

"Thank you! The stuff you got is awesome!" He hugged me for a long time. It was like being caught in a vice.

"It was all Nate's idea and Burns picked out all the equipment. Apparently I don't know the difference between a glove and a mitt. And don't even ask me about cups!" I smiled at Burns.

"I threw a few balls with the guys. Nate and Jared are helping me build the pitching stand. This afternoon we are going try and hit a few. You should come and watch."

I leered at Nate, but I spoke to Ian. "I would love to watch. I don't _think _I have any plans for this afternoon."

Nate responded for me. "No she has nothing planned but the laundry room is free this afternoon in case you have laundry to do."

Of course I had laundry to do and probably Ian's too. "Tell you what. I'll come watch for a little while and then I'll run up there and do a quick load of laundry."

Our group was quickly growing into a pack. We sat in a big circle at lunch. Everyone was talking over each other. Conversations were flying in every direction. It was like being in a high school lunchroom. Everyone was having … fun.

After lunch we _all_ decided to go to the field and Megan and Sarah tagged along. I was on Ian's arm. Mel was on Jared's arm. Sarah, the stalker, took the initiative to grab Nate's arm which left me laughing. Burns took Lily's arm and after much prodding by us all, Aaron took Megan's arm. The girls all got comfy on a bench that was not there yesterday when I was here. The guys lined up and were playing catch. They were in a big circle and they threw the ball randomly to each other. I wanted to see Ian pitch. After a twenty minute warm up, Jared put on the catcher's gear. The other guys went over to where the bats were lying on the grass. Ian marched out to the pitcher's mound. Jared got set in the catcher's stance. Ian took a moment. Jared was flashing fingers at Ian from between his legs. Ian nodded. He went into his wind up, lifted his knee, and I swear I never saw the ball leave his hand. All I heard was the 'thud' as the ball hit Jared's mitt.

Aaron whistled. "Damn! You expect me to hit that?"

Jared bellowed. "Five bucks to the first guy to hit off him."

Nate retaliated. "We don't need your stinking money!" He was always in character. This time it was from an old comedy show.

Burns grabbed a batting helmet. "Let's _do _this!"

Burns came up to the plate. He held out his hand to keep Ian from pitching. "Now, Don't you hit me! You might kill me!" He was trying to be funny but he probably _could _kill him if he hit him in the right place. At least he was wearing a helmet.

The first pitch whizzed right past him. "Strike one!" Jared boomed. Burns swung at the second pitch, and the third, and the fourth. He hit the fifth pitch but it popped up and went behind him.

"Foul ball." Aaron bellowed. Burns looked determined. It took another four pitches before Burns belted one to right field.

Megan got up and began running as she called "I'll get it!" Jared threw Ian a new ball.

"I think I got this figured out," Burns yelled out to Ian. Ian shook his head and smiled. Ian's next pitch wasn't as fast as the others but what it did was amazing. Just as the ball was about to cross the plate it dropped about six inches in the air. Burns was already swinging and there was no way he could compensate when the ball sank.

"What the hell was that?" Burns groaned.

Ian was still smiling. "Sorry I just had to try it. I can't believe I can still do it. I'll go back to throwing the fast ball again."

Burns hit the very next pitch. "Yeah! That's what I'm talking about!" He was satisfied with himself.

Next up was Nate and obviously Ian felt the need to prove something. It was the only explanation that made sense for what he was about to do. "Tell you what, Nate. I'll give you twenty pitches. You hit just one and you can kiss my fiancé." He was being cocky.

My reaction was swift. "Ian? Are you out of your mind?" I screeched. What was he thinking? I was panicked. I stood up. "You can't tell me who I can kiss!"

He ignored me. "BUT … if you don't hit anything, I sleep in the house with Wanderer for the rest of the time we are here."

"Deal!" Nate called out.

Pitch after pitch … .Nate swung … Nate missed. Nate never came close to hitting that ball. I was angry with Ian even though he had won the bet. Again the two of them were acting like I was property. Ian came over to me, leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. "At least I know where I'm sleeping tonight."

Don't bet on it. I thought to myself.

"Ugh. I'm going to do laundry." I was disgusted. I turned and stomped away.

"What?" He called out with his arms outstretched.

What kind of stupid bet was that? Who do they think they are? I'll kiss whoever I want, thank-you. Maybe I'll kiss Burns. That'll tick him off. I walked into the house. Maria and Kim were preparing chickens to put in the oven. Dinner was going to be good tonight. My new CD player was on the dresser in my room. There were fresh batteries lying next to it. I put the batteries in and attached the speakers. I grabbed a couple of CD's and threw everything into my bag of dirty clothes. I snatched Ian's bag off the bed and headed off to do our laundry.

The root cellar was deserted. The cots were folded up in the corner. I took the dirty clothes out of my bag and tossed them into the washing machine. I opened Ian's bag and dumped the contents onto the folding table. I couldn't tell what was clean and what was dirty so I shoved them all in the washer. Once the load was started, I turned my attention to the CD player. I chose a CD and put it in. I pulled one of the cots from the corner, opened it and put it against the wall. I sat in it with my back against the wall and started reading through each of the CD jackets. The washer finished at the same time the first CD ended. After transferring the clothes to the dryer, I put in another CD. I started to dance around the room. I was thoroughly enjoying my music when I was interrupted by someone clapping slowly. It was Nate. I stopped in my tracks.

"So, you like to dance?" He smiled.

"What are you doing here?" I asked suspiciously. Nate did nothing without a motive.

"I just came to make peace." He entered the room. "I want you to know that Ian didn't have to make that bet. I had every intention on letting him sleep in the house." He sounded genuine.

"Well, even if you had won, I wouldn't have kissed you."

He grabbed his heart. "You wound me fair maiden." Nate fell into character as he had done so many times before to lower my defenses.

"I don't mean to wound you." My ire had been diffused once again.

"Are we friends then?"

"Yes, friends. And thank you for the baseball equipment for Ian. I know he's thrilled."

"Ah. I just came up with the idea. You and Burns did all the hard work."

A song began playing that I really liked. It was a ballad and I couldn't help but sing it softly to myself. Nate put his hand out and still in character he asked, "Would you like to dance, fair Wanda?"

Before I could answer, he took my hand and pulled me gently to the center of the room. He slid his arm around my waist and drew my body to his. We began to dance slowly. I was conscious of my feet.

"Keep your head up. Look at me," he commanded. We moved slowly about the room as the words 'hold on, Baby, hold on … cause it's closer than you think, and your standing on the brink …' My eyes were locked on his. I was under his spell. He turned his head slightly. He was looking at my lips. My heart sped up because I knew that he was going to kiss me. Ian. I love Ian. I can't do this! I quickly let go and backed away. My embarrassment was apparent on my face.

"You lost that bet, remember?" It was Ian. He stepped into the doorway. He _must _have been watching. My heart sank. I was frozen unable to picture what might come next. My stomach was in knots. He ignored Nate and looked directly to me. "I went to get my bag of clothes so I could shower and they were gone."

I was too nervous to speak in a controlled manner. "I took your clothes. I washed them. I'm sorry," I blurted out. I realized that although I was saying I'm sorry to him for taking the clothes; I was really sorry for what had just transpired.

He turned back to Nate. "Nate don't you have something to do besides hit on my girl?" He was unusually calm. It absolutely scared me to death.

Without missing a beat, Nate replied. "Yes, actually I do, now that I know that Wanda is in good hands." Again, Ian did not speak but remained in quiet control. "Wanda you enjoy the rest of your afternoon." Nate bowed to me and slipped out the door. I found it amazing that Nate always seemed to be in control no matter what the situation with the exception of last night.

Ian looked at me. "You need some help?"

"Sure," I said timidly. I didn't know what else to say. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. He sat on the cot and tapped his hand beside him to beckon me to join him. I felt sick. I sat carefully next to him. He raised his arm and I flinched fearing he was about to pummel me, but he just placed his arm around my shoulders and held me tight to his side. I put my head on his chest. We didn't talk. The silence was worse than if he had just exploded. At least, then, I would have known how to react. Finally the buzzer went off. I jumped to my feet and sprinted to the dryer. I started pulling the clothes out and dropping them onto the counter. He got up slowly, still silent, and began folding.

"You know I love you," he said in a soft voice.

I couldn't look at him and the tears fell down my cheeks.

He turned and wrapped his arms around me. "No matter what, Wanderer, remember that I love you and I always will."

"Oh, Ian. I didn't mean to …" my voice broke and I was sobbing into his chest.

"I know." He kissed the top of my head and held me while I cried. When I finally had my emotions under control enough to look at his face, he kissed me once. It was a soft controlled kiss.

"Let's finish this laundry. I want to take a shower before dinner."

And, we did just that. Ian took a quick shower while I offered to help in the kitchen. Dinner was delicious just as I predicted it would be. Our little pack came back together during the dinner hour and remained together after dinner. We assembled in the living room of the house and decided to watch the new big screen television. Mel and Jared were wedged together into one of the chairs. Burns and Lily were sitting next to each other on the couch. They may have been holding hands. It was hard for me to see from where I was sitting. Ian was sitting with his back against the end of the couch and I was sitting in front of him. I was leaning forward talking to Rachel about movies. Ian had been distant since the laundry room and I was cautious about being too touchy feely. At eight o'clock the movie we had wanted to watch was starting and Aaron turned off the light on the table next to him. About ten minutes into the movie, Ian reached out and slid me across the floor so I was between his legs leaning into his chest. His chin rested on top of my head and his arms were around my waist. I breathed a sigh of relief and put my hands on top of his. When the movie was over, the party went into full swing. There were beverages flowing and snacks being raided from the kitchen. Lily and Burns seemed quite focused on each other. This made me very happy. Ian and I split up and were talking with different people. Nate was standing with his arm around Sarah who was beaming at the attention. I noticed that Ian kept his focus on where _I_ was even though he wasn't actively talking to me. I went to the kitchen to pop more popcorn and Nate came in. He leaned in to me. He looked concerned.

"Is everything okay with you?"

"Yeah, everything is fine." I didn't sound at all convincing.

"Look, I'm sorry about what happened this afternoon. I was out of line."

I felt as guilty as he did. "I didn't _have_ to dance with you."

"I didn't give you a choice." He was right, he didn't.

"It's too late now. Let's just forget about it." The popcorn was done popping. Nate left the room ahead of me and I saw Ian's eyes as I entered the living room. He pretended not to notice acting interested in the conversation he was a part of, but I knew better.

At midnight, Burns announced it was time to clear out. He walked Lily back to the cave so I hoped maybe he had the nerve to kiss her good night. I'd find out from Lily in the morning. Ian and I went to the bedroom. I pulled on a pair of shorts for bed, then slipped out of my baby doll dress and pulled on my silky camisole. I had not worn a bra today. Ian turned his back and barely seemed to notice. He seemed distracted. When he took off his shirt, he stretched his arms out. The muscles in his back were taut. His upper body was stunning.

"I might have overdone it today." He groaned.

"What's wrong?"

"My muscles are sore."

"Do you want some 'No Pain'?"

"No. I like that my muscles hurt. It means I got a good workout." He slid under the covers. I just stood there. I didn't know if I should get in the bed or go lay on the couch. The tension in the room was thick like fog. He held the blanket up. "Are you coming to bed?"

I was still waiting for that other shoe to drop. It was like when we were at the campground. He was shutting down. I had to pull him back. I laid my head on his chest and wrapped my arm around his body. He turned out the light. He had one arm around my body and the other arm was cradling his head.

"Ian?" I spoke softly.

"What?" He barely spoke above a whisper.

"Will you tell me about your life?" I felt his body go rigid. "I don't mean the sex part. Tell me anything you want. Just tell me something."

"I'm really tired." He whispered.

I lifted my head to look at his face. The moonlight from the window cast enough light for me to see his eyes. "Please?"

He took a deep breath. "I was born in a little town called Renata in the California

hills. Kyle and I played sports from the time we could run. My dad was a huge sports fan and he got Kyle into tee ball when he was four years old and when I was four I started too. My mom, she was the best. She'd have a house full of our friends over all the time. We had a pool. It was above ground but it was one of those oval ones. We played water polo and crazy games we made up. She'd feed the whole damn neighborhood and never complained. She loved kids." The more he talked about his Mom, the more guilty I felt for stealing his life away from him. I tried to remain quiet but my tears eventually slid out of my eyes and down to his bare chest.

"Hey!" He lifted his head to look at my face as he reached to pull my chin off his chest. "Are you crying?"

"I'm sorry my kind took your life from you." I wiped the tears from my face.

"Hey! I don't blame you. You didn't do this all by yourself. You are just a tiny cog in the machine just like I am. Please don't blame yourself." He paused. "Come here."

He pulled my body up so my face was above his. "I fell in love with you despite everything." He pulled my head to his and kissed my lips. It was a slow burn kiss. He pulled his fingers gently through my hair. He gave me small kisses at first and then longer kisses. He caressed my lower lip with his teeth and I wished that I could just spend the rest of my life kissing him. We couldn't fight when we were kissing. He kissed my neck right along the jaw and then went back to my lips. I thought my heart would explode and then he slowed again. With a few final kisses, he stopped.

"We should sleep now." He turned to his side to spoon me. I heard the back door open and close. Burns was back. "I'll try not to push you off the bed."


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry for the delay, Brynn's emotions really come full circle in this chapter. It's one of my favorites. Enjoy…and respond!**

The Beginning of the End

It was the light knock at the door that woke me up. Ian was still wrapped tightly around me, so much so, that I couldn't move. There was another light knock on the door.

"Ian." He didn't move. I spoke a little louder. "Ian! Wake up! There's someone at the door."

"Huh? What?" He lifted his head off the pillow.

"Someone's knocking on the door."

"Who is it?" He called out.

A muffled voice came from behind the door. "It's me, Burns."

"Come on in."

The door opened slowly and Burns poked his head into the bedroom. Ian had not moved an inch. His arms were still gripped tightly around mine.

"I'm sorry to wake you but Wanda and I have to make another road trip."

"Why? Why do I have to go?" I protested.

"Jared wants you to get a cell phone so when you leave you will be able to stay in touch with us. I already have two in my name. You are so young it would be best if we pretend you are my niece who came for a visit. Happy Birthday!"

I groaned. "Do we have to go all the way to Irving?"

"No. We can get one here locally. It will give the townspeople a chance to see who you are as well." He stepped back to close the door but then stepped back in. "Oh, yeah. I almost forgot. Since today is a 'no work' day, Nate is trying to get everyone together for a baseball game. He wants to see if we can get enough baseball hats and gloves for two teams. I'm not sure what story to come up with to accomplish that. Maybe you can think about it."

"Okay. I'll be out in a bit."

He closed the door.

Ian dropped his head back to the pillow. I realized that even though we had fallen asleep in this same position last night that I was now facing the door. Last night I was facing the window.

"Ian?"

"Yeah?"

"How did I end up on this side of the bed?"

"I didn't hurt you did I?"

"No, but how…"

He put his head on my shoulder as he spoke. "My arm was killing me and you were laying on it. I flipped us over in the middle of the night so you were on the good arm."

I was alarmed. "What's wrong with your arm?" He released his grip on me as I rolled to face him.

"Nothing. I think I threw a few too many pitches yesterday."

"How many did you throw?"

"I don't know. Five hundred maybe."

"I'm surprised your arm didn't fall off!"

I scooted out of the bed and rushed to my bag. I rifled through it and snatched the little bottle of 'No Pain'. "Here, put this on your tongue."

"No, that's okay. I don't need it."

"Ian if you are in pain!" I couldn't understand why he was being obstinate.

"Tell you what. If I am still in pain when you get back, I promise I'll take some before the game."

"Okay. I still think you should take some now." I put the container on the dresser and grabbed a set of clean clothes and my bag and headed for the bathroom.

When I got back to the bedroom Ian was asleep again. I tried to be as quiet as I could. He was lying on his back. I leaned over to kiss him lightly on the lips and it stirred him enough that he grabbed my arms. "Be careful" He directed.

"Always." Then I leaned in and kissed him gently.

Burns was ready and waiting for me. As we drove to town he reminded me of the plan. "You are my niece. You are visiting for a couple of days. It's your birthday and I promised to get you a cell phone."

"Got it." I turned in my seat to face him. "Now tell me about you and Lily."

"She's a very nice girl."

"Burns! Come on!" I hit him lightly on the shoulder. He leaned away and laughed.

"Okay, okay. Yesterday afternoon after baseball, I walked with her from the field. She told me that your discussion in class was about the Fire World. She asked me how I liked being a fire eater."

"And?"

"And I told her I wasn't particularly happy about having to kill living flowers in order to eat, just as I am not particularly fond of destroying a human mind in order to inhabit their body." So, I was right. Burns didn't like the Fire World.

"Were you holding hands on the couch last night?"

"Oh, you saw that huh?"

"I wasn't sure."

"_She _initiated that."

"So, you like her." I paused. "Cause if you don't you should cut it off now. She's been hurt before. I think Ian hurt her and then Wes died."

"I know about Wes. She told me last night. I didn't know about Ian though."

"Yes, it seems she and Ian had a thing for about a year before I came along."

"Hmmmm. Interesting."

"So, you walked her back to the cave last night. Did you kiss her good night?"

"A gentleman never kisses and tells." He was grinning.

"You know she'll tell me if I ask her."

"Then ask her. I'd like to know what she thinks."

"Then you _did_ kiss her."

"Yes. I kissed her."

"So, you like her then."

"Yes, I like her."

"You're welcome."

"Thank you." He reached out and messed up my hair. "It's nice having a little sister again."

"Which reminds me, why don't we just tell them the truth about the baseball hats?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm your niece, right. Let's say I have a little brother at home and we are starting a baseball program. I promised him I would get the gloves and caps for two teams."

"That might work."

The rest of the morning went exactly as planned. I got my cell phone and my 'little brother' got eighteen baseball hats and gloves. When we got back to the house it was around noon. Ian was gone. There was a note on the bed that said 'At the field.' I went and hung out with Mel and Lily and I got Lily's version of last night. Surprisingly, they were very consistent in their stories. She seemed pleased to have him in her life, but she _did _say it was going to suck to leave. I tried to reassure her that they would see a lot of each other.

At lunch, Ian, Jared, Nate, and Aaron caught up to us. I noticed during lunch that Ian was rotating his shoulder a lot. "Are you still hurting?" I asked.

"Just a little." He was lying. I just knew he was lying.

I pulled his arm up and away from his body with the premise that I wanted him to put his arm around me. He winced.

"You _are _in pain. I am going to run back to the house and get the 'No Pain'." As it turned out Burns needed to get the ball caps, so he and I ran back and met everyone at the field.

It seemed that just about everyone who lived on the mountain was there. It had already been established that Nate and Ian were the captains. It also had been established that Ian was _not_ allowed to pitch. Boys had to pitch for boys and girls had to pitch for girls. They did 'rock, paper, scissors' to see who would choose first. Nate won. His first choice was Burns. No surprise there. Ian chose Jared. Nate chose Aaron. Ian chose Evan, probably because he had seen him play soccer. Nate chose Rob. Ian chose Tom. It made sense that all the men would be chosen first but then Nate pulled a fast one. He chose me. He chose me ahead of four guys. What was his motive? To psych out Ian? Ian did look perturbed when Nate made the choice. Ian chose Blake, Hector, Melanie, Rachel, and last was Sarah. Nate chose Carlos, Carl, Lily, and Megan. So Jared and Melanie were on a team together. Burns and Lily were on a team together. Ian and I were split and Rachel and Rob were split. Each team had fifteen minutes to warm up and strategize. Nate decided that Aaron would pitch for the guys and Lily would pitch for the girls. Burns played short. Nate played first and he had me play next to him on second. Lily played third. Carlos who was young and wiry was catcher. Carl, Rob, and Megan played outfield. Nadine and Kim were the referees. Nadine called balls and strikes. Kim refereed the bases.

Jared came up to bat first. He hit a grounder to Lily. She was able to field it but her arm wasn't good enough to reach first. Jared was safe. Blake was up second. He hit a pop fly right to first base. Nate caught it. Blake was out. Melanie was up next. Lily and Aaron switched places. Lily was allowed to stand about three feet closer to pitch. She was actually pretty good. She struck out Melanie although Mel did hit two foul balls. Jared managed to steal second while Mel was up. Then Ian was up.

Now, before the game, Nate the schemer came to me and said, "When Ian is up, you need to do whatever you can to distract him." I was wearing my pink sweats and a white tank top with spaghetti straps. The sun was shining brightly so I rolled my sweats down to my hips and folded my top up and shoved it under the bottom part of my bra exposing my entire mid drift. As I did this Aaron threw his first pitch and Ian was fixated on me and the pitch went right by.

"Strike one!" Nadine called.

When the second pitch left Aaron's hand I wiggled my hips back and forth slowly as if I was stretching out my mid section. Ian swung but he was looking at me out of the corner of his eye.

"Strike Two!" Nadine called.

Now Ian stepped out of the batters box and leaned on his bat. "What are you doing?" he asked me.

I looked at him as if surprised. I pointed to myself. "Me?"

"Ref? Is this a clothing optional game?"

Nadine clarified, "She looks dressed to me. Play ball!"

Ian growled loud enough for me to hear at second.

The next ball came in fast and Ian connected with all his might. Carl was in right field but it went way over his head. It was a home run. As Ian crossed home plate he pointed his finger out to Nate. "Nice try." I kept my clothes rolled up because the sun really did feel nice on my skin. Sarah was up next and she hit a ground ball to the pitcher which was Lily and she threw her out at first. So, they scored two runs in the first inning.

Now, we were up. Aaron was up first. He hit a ground ball past Melanie at second and was safe at first. Carlos slammed a line drive that should have been a base hit but Ian dove towards third base and caught it before it could get by. Aaron was almost to second base before he realized that he needed to get back. Ian popped to his knees and drilled it to Jared. It was a double play. This was like playing soccer with Ian. Thank god Kyle wasn't here. I could just see the mayhem. Megan was up next. Rachel pitched. Megan's hit was quite the surprise. She hit it just short of her buddy Sarah. Sarah waited for the ball to drop before she picked it up and threw it to Ian. Megan was safe at first. Next up on our team was Burns. We knew that Burns could hit because he hit two of Ian's pitches yesterday. Everyone backed up. Sure enough, the very first pitch, Burns slammed it to centerfield. It was just over Evan's head but he was on it. Megan made it all the way home and Burns ended up on second. Carl was up next. He hit the ball to Melanie, but Carl was not a fast runner. She took her time with the throw to make sure she was on target and Carl was out at first.

So, at the end of the first inning it was two to one. In the second inning the other team scored another run before Burns caught Blake's hit for the third out.

At the bottom of the second inning, we were down by two runs and we knew in the next inning Ian would be coming up to bat again. So we had to score some runs to stay in the game. Lily was up first. Rachel walked her. Next was Rob, he hit a ground ball to Hector on third base, he threw it to second and Lily was out on a force play. Nate was up next. He had a full count and then he hit a nice one down the first base line but it was too high for Jared to snag it. Nate was safe at first and Rob was on third. Now I was up. I knew that if I could just hit the ball Rob could make it home even if I was out. I actually had played softball when I was younger and I knew I wasn't half bad, but then my girly side took over and I lost interest. This was all when Pet was inside this body. I had one strike and two balls when I swung and had the smallest of hits. Rachel who was pitching let me have first so that the run wouldn't score. Now the bases were loaded. We were back to the top of the line up. Aaron was up. Rachel went back to right field and Blake came in to pitch. Aaron hit the ball in the same place as before. It went right over Melanie's head and Rachel was having a hard time getting to it. We all took off running. Rob came home, Nate came home, and he was waving me to come home too. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me. Tom was standing at the plate and I knew the ball was coming my way. I slid. "Safe!" Nadine called. I was so excited I jumped up and ran to Nate who had just scored moments before and jumped into his arms. I wrapped my legs around his waist and we were hooting and howling in victory. When I looked out at Ian, he looked wounded. It wasn't until after I sat back down that I realized that I wasn't sure if it was because we were winning or if it was because of the display of affection that Nate and I had just engaged in.

Carlos was up next and his fly ball went over Ian's head; but Ian jumped like a kangaroo and snagged the catch. He wailed the ball to Hector at third to try and get the double play but Aaron made it back in time. Megan didn't get lucky this time. She was struck out and that retired the side. We were winning four to three.

Top of the third, Melanie was walked. Ian came up to bat. He glared at Nate on first base. Everyone backed up. It was no surprise when Ian slammed it for a two base hit. Melanie came home and tied it up.

The rest of the game went on without incident until the bottom of the sixth inning. Nate was on second base. I had struck out so I was sitting on the bench. Carlos was up. He hit a short grounder to Ian who decided at that moment to exact his revenge on Nate. Instead of going for the out at first, he threw it towards the third baseman. Only he didn't. He threw it right at Nate's thigh. When the ball hit, Nate went down like a ton of bricks. It was like he had gotten shot in the back of his leg. Nate was writhing on the ground grabbing his thigh. My first instinct was to run out to him.

"Nate!" I cried. I sprinted to him and dropped to the ground. I held his head in my knees as he moaned in pain. I glowered at Ian. "What the hell is your problem?"

"It was a bad throw." He shrugged.

I knew he was lying. "Do you still have the 'No Pain'?"

He reached in his pocket and tossed it on the ground near me. He actually _tossed_ it. His leg could be broken and he is not even remorseful. I opened the container and gave some to Nate. He felt better immediately.

"Do you think it's broken?" I asked Nate.

"No, I think he just bruised the muscle."

"I don't have any heal with me. It's back at the house."

"It's okay. We'll do it later." Nate got up and walked to the bench. He wasn't limping because he wasn't feeling the pain but I knew he should sit for a bit. Rob took his place as base runner.

The rest of the game went without incident. Ian's team won the game ten to eight, but the damage was done. I was very angry with Ian. After the game, Ian sat on the bench. He made no attempt to get up and come to me. I had two choices. I could let him brood and walk away with the rest of my friends or I could go and try to repair the rift. Considering his mood swings yesterday I decided on option number two. I went over and sat on the bench next to him. He didn't look up at me.

I spoke first. "Good game."

"You should have been on _my_ team." He muttered.

"You're right. Maybe next time you should pick me first."

He chuckled. "Now there's a dilemma. Had I picked you first I would have lost both Burns _and_ Jared to Nate."

"Yeah. He's a schemer."

Now, he turned and looked at me. "It was a nice slide into home. Your butt is all dirty."

I chuckled. I reached out and grabbed his hand in mine. "Let's go. I'm hungry."

He balked. "Wanderer, if you don't mind, I want to stay here and throw for a while before it gets dark. You go and tend to Nate's injuries."

"What about dinner?"

"Make me a plate. I'll heat it up later."

I was scared again. Ian was being cordial but the light had gone out. What do I do? "I could stay here and watch you pitch." I was in desperation mode.

"Na, you go and get cleaned up." He stood up pulling me off the bench. He put one arm around my neck and kissed my forehead. Then he walked away. He turned around and waved and then turned back again. I didn't begin to walk away until he reached the pitcher's target and started dragging it to home plate. I felt like I had been stabbed in the stomach.

After dinner our usual group of friends all seemed to slip away to do their own thing. Jared and Mel had monopolized the bathroom to use the Jacuzzi. Burns and Lily strode off into the moonlight. Nate was here, of course. He was asking for the 'Heal'. I think he was starting to worry about the pain coming back if the 'No Pain' wore off. I gave it to him and plopped on the couch. I told him he could apply it in my room since the bathroom was in use. It was already dark and Ian had not returned. The television was on but I wasn't really watching it. My stomach was still in knots. When Nate came out he sat in the chair furthest from where I was sitting.

"Thank you." He said.

I didn't respond. I just stared at the television.

After a few minutes, Ian came in the back door. He looked at the two of us and just shook his head.

I jumped off the couch. "Do you want me to heat up your food?"

"I really just want to take a shower," he said flatly.

"You can't. Jared and Mel are in the Jacuzzi."

"Fine. I'll eat." He grumbled. I stepped towards the kitchen and Nate got up.

"Ian, I want you to know that what happened today, well, that was purely a reaction."

"Is that so?" He sat on the couch where I had been sitting. He waited for me to go in the kitchen. I stood just inside the doorway listening. "You know it's funny that every time I look for Wanderer, she's with you. Can you explain that?"

"Coincidence?"

"Huh."

"You know what else is funny?"

"No. What else is funny?"

"Every time I find you together, _she _looks guilty. Can you explain that?"

"No. She hasn't done anything to feel guilty about."

"Huh." Ian got up. "Tell Wanderer, I'm not hungry." He went into the bedroom and shut the door. The microwave beeped indicating the food was done. I just stood there. I turned around and passed Nate and continued out the front door. I walked off the front porch into the middle of the road and I wailed the most horrifying sound. I _did_ feel guilty, But guilty of what? I hadn't done anything that I should feel guilty about. Nate came out on the porch. "Go!" I yelled without looking at him. He went back inside. I sat on the porch for several hours. I didn't know what else to do. No one came to look for me. Everyone probably assumed that I had gone to bed with Ian. The only person who knew I was out here was Nate and I had sent him away. When Burns turned out the light, I got up and came inside. I had decided that I would go to the bedroom and if Ian wanted me to leave I would sleep on the couch. I opened the door to the bedroom. It was quiet and dark. I changed out of my clothes in the dark and slipped into the bed. I laid down behind him and I put one hand on his shoulder. He shuddered. He was awake.

He spoke quietly. "Were you with him…. Just now?"

"No." There was no response. "I was alone." Still no response. I put my hands on his back and kissed it. Then I rolled over and cried myself to sleep.

In the morning Ian was already up and gone when I woke up. I knew I was expected to lecture today. It was our last day here. Tomorrow we would be leaving. I could only hope that once we got back home and away from Nate that our life would go back on track. After I got dressed I went into the kitchen. I opened the microwave and Ian's dinner was still inside. I dumped it in the trash and washed his plate. Lily came bounding into the kitchen.

"Hey! It's a beautiful day out there!" She was happy. I guess things with her and Burns were going well.

She took one look at me and my red swollen eyes.

"Oh, no! What's wrong?" I choked back the tears. I didn't want to cry anymore. I just held up my hand to say no.

"Is it Ian?" I started to cry again at the mention of his name.

She held me. "Oh, you poor thing."

"He thinks there is something between me and Nate." I choked out.

"That's silly!...Isn't it?" She looked at me in horror.

"Of course it is!" I blinked back the tears. "But why do I feel so guilty?"

She stepped back and leaned against the counter. "Wanda, do you have feelings for Nate?"

"I don't know!" There. I said it. I love Ian but I don't know if I have feelings for Nate. Ian's pulling away was not helping the situation at all.

"I…I don't know what to say." She was in shock.

"Look I just have to get through one more day and then Ian and I will go home and hopefully everything will go back to normal." This is what I hoped for.

"Okay, well, you know what? I will stay with you today. I'll be your wingman."

"I have to go lecture today."

"Okay I will go with you. Where is Ian?"

"I don't know. Last night we didn't talk. We didn't hold each other. We didn't kiss. I cried myself to sleep and I know he heard me. Yesterday, He left a note saying he was at the field. There was no note today." I was still feeling sick.

"Okay, he's probably at the field then. We can go there and see."

"I can't. I'm supposed to be at the cave in twenty minutes. What if Nate is there?"

"I'll take care of him."

We went to the cave. Most of the people on the mountain were there today including Nate. I decided that I would give my last lecture on a non controversial planet so I told them about the Singing Bats. Humans couldn't relate bats as an intelligent life form. I ended my lecture with my time here on planet earth. It was easy to get emotional and cry about the injustice that I felt my kind had bestowed upon the humans because I was such an emotional mess already. In the end, many of the people there came and hugged me and gave me support. Some told me they were glad I was on their side. Nate started to come in my direction and Lily cut him off. She dragged him out of the cave. I didn't know what she could possibly be saying to him. All I wanted to do was find Ian. Lily caught up to me as I was headed for the field.

"Wanda, wait up." She called.

I waited for her. When she caught up to me, I hooked my elbow through hers. "What did you tell Nate?"

"I told him the truth. I told him you didn't want to see him."

We arrived at the field and it was deserted. My heart sank.

"Where could he be?" I was panicking.

"I don't know. Let's go find Burns and see if he can help us."

I took a deep breath and we practically ran back to the house. I found my answer as we approached the house. Burns and Ian were both on the roof making repairs.

Burns saw us coming and yelled to us. "Good afternoon ladies."

Ian didn't stop what he was doing to look up.

Burns looked over to Ian. "I'm going down to take a break."

Ian still didn't look up.

When Burns reached the bottom of the ladder, I ran to him for information.

"What's going on?"

"I don't know. He's real quiet. He asked me to put him to work."

"I need to talk to him. I'm going up." I ran to the ladder and started to climb.

Burns protested. "I don't think you should go up there. Please, be careful!"

When I got to the top of the ladder I carefully climbed onto the roof. It was steeper than it looked and I was too scared to stand up. I crawled over to where Ian was working.

Without looking up, he said "Wanderer, What are you doing up here?"

"I needed to talk to you."

"This could have waited till later."

"I don't want to wait."

"I don't want to have this conversation right now. Besides, I don't need you falling off the roof and killing yourself. Get down."

"No."

He looked directly at me now. "Wanderer, get OFF the roof."

"No."

He put down his hammer. He stood up and walked to the ladder and climbed down.

I climbed down too. He grabbed me by the wrist and led me into the house and into the bedroom.

"Look I can't do this right now."

"Do what?" I choked.

He was silent.

"Ian, do what?"

He closed his eyes. "Nothing."

"Ian. Please! Please talk to me."

He turned his back to me. I put my hands on his back. His chest heaved. He was crying.

"Ian, please!"

He kept his back to me. "Wanderer I love you so much but I don't know if you love me."

"Ian of course I love you. Please don't say that." The tears were streaming down my face.

"What about Nate?" It was the question I had been dreading.

"What _about _Nate?" I replied.

"Come on Wanderer! I'm not blind. I see how you are with him!"

"See what? There's nothing to see!"

"You're in love with him!" He looked defeated.

"No! No! That's not true!" I was pleading.

I went to him and I grabbed his face in my hands. I stared into his beautiful eyes. "I love _you_ Ian." I leaned in and kissed him. He tried to pull away but I wouldn't let go. He finally gave in and kissed me hard. It was frantic. The kind of kiss one would give if it was the end of the world. We were both crying because it _was_ the end of the world. When we stopped kissing, he was holding my face in my hands. His forehead was against mine and he was panting.

"I'm not going back."

I didn't understand. I pulled back to see his face. "What?"

"I'm not going back to the caverns. I'm staying here." I was floored. My legs gave out and I literally fell to the floor. Here I was hoping for the day we went home so life could get back to normal. It never dawned on me that he would be staying.

"I'm staying with you." I blurted out.

"No, you can't."

"Why not?"

"Because they need you. Without you they would have to resort back to raiding. Do you want to put them in danger. Jeb? Jamie? Doc? Mel? Jared? You made a promise to them."

I got back to my feet slowly. "You made a promise to me."

"I love you. I told you that I will always love you. But this thing with you and Nate. I can't live my life with you if you are wondering "what if"."

"But I'm _not _wondering. I love _you."_

"Look I'm not denying that you believe that you love me. What if you love Nate more?"

"Are you _trying _to talk me into this?"

"No. But." He was drowning in his own tears. "I'm dying inside over this."

"So,….are…..we….done?" Please, don't say it.

"I don't know. You need to go and figure out what you want. You need time to grow up. I hope to God that you choose me but…" He couldn't answer. He started to leave the room.

"No! Don't go!"

"I have to finish the roof." He put his head down.

"You'll come back?"

"I don't know."

"Promise me you will come back. Promise that you will sleep here with me tonight. Promise me!" I had grabbed onto his arm and I wouldn't let go. He was shaking like a leaf. "PROMISE ME!"

He pulled me into his arms and held me tight. "I promise," he whispered. He pulled away and bolted out the door.

I collapsed on the bed. I cried and cried until I had no tears left to shed. Lily had come in at one point and tried to console me. Apparently Ian had already talked to Burns about staying here in this room. He broke the news to Lily. When she saw me, she knew that Ian had told me he wasn't coming back. She finally left. She came back and tried to get me to eat to no avail. Eventually I fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion.

It was hours later when Ian shook me awake. He was freshly showered. I panicked. "Is it morning?"

"No."

He climbed onto the bed. He was smiling but he looked sad. He was petting my hair and looking into my eyes. "I would rather die tonight with you in arms than live without you tomorrow."

"Then don't."

"It's not my decision."

"My decision is made. You come back with me."

"Look. You go back to the caverns. Spend some time alone. Think about what you want. I'm here and so is Nate."

He was quiet for a moment. "If you choose Nate, I…..will…understand."

"I won't choose Nate."

He put his fingers over my lips. "You've been in this room all day. I want you to get up and go to the bathroom and then I want you to eat this sandwich I made for you and drink this."

"And you will stay with me tonight?"

"Yes."

I quickly went to the bathroom to clean up and then came in and pushed down the sandwich because I didn't want to miss even one second of time in his arms.

When I was done, we climbed under the covers. He leaned over to turn out the light.

"Please don't turn off the light. I want to see your face." He leaned over and began to kiss me. It started as the slow burn. First my lips, my cheeks, then his tongue came out to play. He was freshly shaven so his face was so smooth. He buried his face in my neck and began suckle on it. Shivers ran up and down my spine. It was almost as if he was marking his territory. His hands traveled from my thigh to my buttocks. He was pulling me close and squeezing my flesh. He pulled off my camisole. His hand traveled to my waist, to my breasts. His face went to my breasts. At this point I was gasping for my own breath. My hands were in his hair. Then his tongue traveled from my breasts, to my neck, and back to my lips again. I knew he was about to explode but he didn't stop. He didn't stop for a very long time. He marked my inner thighs just as he did my neck. I wanted him so badly to finish the deed. I was so ready. He just kept kissing me. That night we kissed for hours until exhaustion took over and he was spent. I was wide awake having slept all day. I had no intention of falling asleep tonight. In my heart, I was hoping to change his mind. I kept saying "I love you." We finally settled into a position that was comfortable and I knew he was drifting off to sleep.

"Ian?"

"Yes?"

"Can I call you?"

"Only if you want to."


	8. Chapter 8

**I want to thank all of you who are reading my story. I had tremendous fulfillment writing as well as a few tears. Like you, I love Ian and Wanderer, and even Nate. I appreciate the e-mails and I love it when you try to predict the future. It makes me smile. -NL**

Broken Hearts

When I woke up Ian was gone. I was tangled in the blankets. I was wearing only my shorts. Lying next to me on his pillow was a single primrose from the garden and an envelope with my name on it. I looked around for my camisole but I couldn't find it. I sat up. I was alone. I felt very numb. I wanted to read the letter and then again I didn't. I got up and changed my clothes. I heard a commotion outside. I looked out the window. It looked like Jared and Burns were arguing. I could only guess Jared and the others were being informed of Ian's decision. It was all my fault. I sat on edge of the bed and turned the envelope over and over in my hands. My curiosity got the better of me and I opened it.

I began to read:

MY Dearest Wanderer,

Last night was the most wonderful and yet painful night of my life. I'm sorry I couldn't be there when you woke up. I think you can understand why. I spoke to Nate this morning. He has confessed to me that he does have feelings for you. I have asked him to go back with you to the caverns .Wanderer, you need to explore these feelings for Nate. I know that your first year here on earth was hard. I want you to be happy. If I am not the one you choose, I will understand but I want you to know that despite everything, EVERY moment I spent with you has been a gift and I will cherish it .I love you more than life itself .I hope you will take your time making this decision and I will pray every day that you will come back to me because you are taking my heart with you.

I Love You,

Ian

By the time I finished the letter my tears were falling on the paper. I carefully folded the letter and put it in my bag. I went to the bathroom. I washed my face and brushed my teeth. There would be no need for makeup. When I returned to the room, I made the bed. I picked up his clothes on the floor and put them in his bag. When I opened the bag, my camisole was on top. He had taken it. It was the only physical memory of me that he would have. I felt queasy. There was a knock at the door. Ian! He'd come back. I rushed to the door. It wasn't Ian. It was Nate.

"Can I come in?"

I stepped back allowing him access. I walked away and finished getting my things together. He closed the door gently behind him. He was quiet which was so unusual for him. He must have been pondering what to say and maybe what character to use.

"I think that Ian is making a good decision." He kept his voice low.

"Do you?" Of course he did. This would give him the chance he had been waiting for.

"I do." He walked to me and he put his hand on my shoulder and turned me slowly around to face him. "You can't deny the chemistry between us. I know _I _feel it every time I'm near you." I felt it too but then again I had to admit when I wasn't with him it wasn't Nate that my thoughts went to. It was Ian. It was always Ian. Maybe it was because I already had a relationship with Ian. Nothing had ever escalated beyond flirting with Nate. I could kiss Nate now and not feel guilty. Ian had released me from that promise. He _wanted_ me to do this.

"Kiss me." I said flatly.

"What?" He seemed confused. It was a pretty simple straight forward request.

"I want you to kiss me Nate. Ian is gone. There's no reason for you _not_ to kiss me." I was trying to sound like I _wanted_ him to kiss me.

"Maybe you should give it a little time." He was hesitant.

"Okay then dance with me." The last time we danced it had nearly led to a kiss so I figured why not try again. I went to the CD player, The same CD was still inside. I forwarded it to the same song. I put my arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around my waist. We started to dance. He looked deeply into my eyes trying to decipher what was going on in my mind.

"You know I never thought this could happen. I wanted it to but I never thought …" He looked at my lips. He was biting his lower lip. He wanted to kiss me. I pulled my hand from around his neck and brushed my fingers softly across his lips. He closed his eyes. I leaned in and gently pressed my lips to his. He kissed me gently. Then his passion took over. He kissed me with a hunger. I kissed him back. He was a good kisser. It wasn't like Ian. He was more like Jared, the explosive kiss. I grabbed his hair in my fist. He pulled me closer. It was enjoyable but something was wrong. When he held me in his arms the power that Ian possessed wasn't there. He didn't command my body the way Ian did. I realized in that moment that there was nothing besides enjoyment in kissing him. I wasn't 'in love' with Nate and I never would be. The kiss ended and Nate stepped back with his hands on my arms. He looked at me. His eyes were questioning my reaction. He was waiting for me to say something.

"Nate." I looked at him seriously. "That was nice." His body relaxed. He pulled me into a hug. "But …" He went rigid again. "Nate I love you. I can't deny that I feel love for you. You are cute, and funny, and witty, and even sexy but …"

He finished my sentence for me. "But you are not _in love_ with me."

"No."

"But it was only a first kiss. Maybe after a few days …"

"Nate, after the build up over the last few days this kiss should have been, well you know."

Again he finished my sentence. "Mind boggling."

"Yes."

"So, I guess there is no need for me to go back with you to the caverns."

"No."

"Do you want me to go tell Ian?" I thought about this. He _wanted _Nate to return with me to the caverns. He _wanted_ me to take my time making this decision. He would never believe that I could make up my mind after one kiss. He would assume that after what had transpired last night; that it was too quick for me to make an informed decision. He would make Nate come with me. I would have to leave and hope he would come back to me.

"Not right now. You can tell him after I'm gone."

"Don't you want him to go back with you?"

"I do, but he won't." I stepped up and hugged Nate. "He needs time."

He buried his face in my hair. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too. I was really starting to learn your scheming ways."

He pulled back and smiled at me. "Really?"

I smiled at him. "Really, you know I engineered the whole thing between Burns and Lily."

"So, that was you, huh?" His smile reached his eyes now.

I just smiled back. "Oh! Lily!" The look of panic washed across my face.

"What?" He asked concerned with my expression.

"She will be sad too. She is leaving Burns!"

"Yeah, I saw some tears this morning. This day seems to be hard all around."

"Promise me something?"

"If I can."

"Promise me that you will take care of Ian and Burns? And that you'll call me and tell me how Ian is doing?"

"Who's going to take care of me?"

"Nate you are the craftiest person I know. That's why you are the leader here. I know there is someone out there willing to take care of you. Sarah loves you to death."

"She's fourteen!"

"Okay, well maybe not Sarah. But it will happen, I know it will. You are too great of a guy. Your twenty first girl will come along."

"Huh?"

"I'll tell you about it the first time you call me." There. I gave him a reason to call me so I could get an update on Ian.

"Are you ready to go? They are all waiting on you."

"No. I'll never be ready to leave Ian behind." I handed my bag to Nate and I grabbed my CD player. I took Nate's hand and let him lead me out to the crowd gathered outside.

Burns came to me immediately. "Are you going to be alright to drive? It's daylight and you have to go through the center of town."

"Yes, I can drive for a bit."

"Good. Wanda. Take care of Lily, okay?"

I threw my arms around Burns' neck. I started to cry again. "I'll miss you 'big brother'.

"I'll miss you too, 'little sis'" I could hear him gasping back the tears. As he pulled away from me he was wiping his eyes.

"Take care of Ian for me. Let him know that I love him. No, tell him that I am 'in love' with him. Tell him every day." I backed away from him. I climbed into the truck. I couldn't even see where to drive. I couldn't do this. My heart was breaking. Nate opened the door and hugged me.

"It's okay. Shhhhhh. It's okay. You'll see him again. Remember that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger and when you and Ian get back together it will never be broken again. Now get your ass in gear and go home to your family."

"Thank you." I kissed him on the cheek and he closed the door. I started the van. I wept for a solid five minutes before I could see enough to drive away.

Jared spoke first from behind my seat. "Wait. Isn't Nate coming with us?"

"No. That won't be necessary."

Lily climbed across the back of the van and got on her knees behind my seat and put her arms around my neck. "Good." Then she whispered in my ear. "I knew you didn't love him."

I patted her arm. "You have good instincts. I should have listened to you."

"You had to find out on your own." She sat back down in the back with the others.

I settled in for a long drive. I didn't mind driving now that I was on the road. It kept my mind busy. I cried so much, that I felt like I was cried out, for now. I also felt better about the fact that Nate did not accompany me back to the caverns. The one thing that _did _weigh heavily on my mind was the fact that my last kiss was with Nate and not with Ian. Even though it would be Ian's kisses I would remember, it bugged me that Nate's lips were the last to touch mine. I turned on the radio. A few hours into the drive, the clouds moved in and the sun disappeared. Lily was singing lightly to the music. Melanie had fallen asleep in Jared's arms. Aaron and Jared were talking about the baseball game.

All of a sudden Melanie woke up. "I don't feel so good." She started to convulse.

Jared hollered. "Wanda, you need to pull over, now. She's going to be sick."

Luckily there was no one behind me. I pulled to the side of the road. Aaron pushed open the back door and Melanie didn't even make it out of the van. She threw up out the back door onto the roadway.

Jared was upset. "Are you okay Mel?"

I jumped out of the van and ran to the back. She looked terrible.

"Do you have anything for this?" Jared asked.

"Um, I think so. Aaron, give me my bag." Aaron reached into the front seat and grabbed my bag. He handed it to Jared who in turn handed it to me.

I started ripping the clothes out of my bag so that I could feel around to the bottom. Crap I had given the 'Heal' to Nate the other day. I don't know where the bottle went. "Here, I found it." I gave the bottle to Jared.

"Where am I supposed to spray this?" 'Heal was usually used on cuts, abrasions, or breaks. This was inside.

"I don't know. Maybe she could inhale it?"

Mel spoke. "It's okay. I'm okay now." Mel's eyes met with mine for a brief moment that indicated what I had suspected. She was throwing up because she was pregnant.

"Jared maybe you should drive now. It's getting dark. I'll stay with Mel."

"Mel?" Jared asked. Mel shook her head in agreement.

I climbed in the back, Jared slammed the door shut, and raced to the driver's seat. He did not feel comfortable being parked on the side of a highway, day or night. Aaron climbed between the seats and slid into the passenger side seat.

I pulled Mel to my lap. "You haven't told him yet?"

"No." She whispered.

"How long have you been getting sick?"

"About three days now. It's usually in the morning. Jared just thinks I'm going to the bathroom."

I put my hands to her ear and whispered, "Duh! That's why they call it morning sickness."

Lily was staring at us. She looked upset about being left out of our secret.

"We should tell Lily." I whispered.

Mel beckoned Lily to come over. She leaned across the van on her knees. Mel whispered in her ear. The look on Lily's face was classic. She was beaming.

"Wow." She murmured. Mel put her finger to her lips.

Lily mouthed the words "Jared doesn't know?" as she pointed to him.

"No." Mel said.

So we had our little secret society for now. I knew when Jared found out, it was not going to be pretty.

"I'm starving." I hadn't eaten since yesterday.

Lily pulled the cooler towards our little group. "There's plenty of food." She started handing out sandwiches and drinks to all.

"I don't know if I should eat." Mel uttered.

"At least try a little bit." Lily urged.

After we ate, exhaustion set in for me and I put my head in Lily's lap and fell asleep.

When I woke it was after midnight and we had just pulled into the campground at the halfway point. Aaron and Jared put the tarps on the ground along the side of the van. We each grabbed a sleeping bag and set it down. The guys slept on the outside and the girls slept in the middle. I had Lily on my left and Aaron my right. The bright sunshine woke me early. I found myself with my head on Aaron's chest. I guess in my sleep I assumed it was Ian. When I lifted my head to face Aaron, he was already awake and he looked very uncomfortable. "I'm sorry." I blushed.

"It's okay." He murmured. He got up immediately and headed off to the lone bathroom in this primitive campsite.

A wave of sadness spread over me as I realized how much I missed Ian. I sat quietly in my sleeping bag awash in the memories of his beautiful face. He had called me  
Wanderer instead of Wanda for the last several days before we left. I imagine he was trying to tell me that he loved Wanderer the soul as much as Wanda the body. I wanted to jump in the van and race back to him. The sound of someone gagging caught my attention. It was Mel. She was getting sick again. She was fighting to get out of her sleeping bag. She crawled to her feet but only made it a short distance before she fell to her knees again and began to throw up.

I got out of my sleeping bag and ran to her side. Jared had been storing his sleeping bag in the back of the van. When he saw her getting sick again, he became alarmed. "Wanda we have to try to heal her."

Mel put her hand up to stop him. "I'm okay!" She was getting to her feet. She looked tired even though she had just woken up.

"Come on. We'll be home tonight and then you can see Doc." I put my arm around her waist.

"I'm _okay_." She insisted. "I need to talk to Jared."

My eyes widened. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

I hightailed it to Lily and Aaron. "Come on. We are going for a walk." I grabbed each of them by the arm and began dragging them in the opposite direction.

"She's going to tell him?" Lily asked.

"Tell him what?" Aaron was out of the loop.

Then I heard it. Jared. I stopped dead in my tracks and listened.

"YOU"RE WHAT?"

I turned to look at them. Jared was flailing his arms. "Mel! We discussed this! No CHILDREN, remember?"

Aaron finally caught on. "Children? Mel's pregnant?"

I had to go and help Mel. I turned and marched back to where Jared was screaming at her in an endless tirade.

"How could you do this?" He yelled at her. She just stood there wincing with tears in her eyes with every accusation he threw at her.

"STOP YELLING AT HER!" I bellowed.

"Shut up, Wanda. Mind your own business." Jared growled at me.

"This _is _my business. I was in that body with her, remember? The same day they took me out, you made love to her, didn't you?" He didn't answer. "Didn't you? Did you even consider birth control that night?"

He didn't answer. He just walked away.

"THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!" I called after him.

Mel was shivering. I hugged her tight to me. "It's okay, It's out now. Let him chew on it for awhile." I used my thumbs to wipe away her tears. "You and Jared are going to make the most beautiful baby!"

Mel chuckled through her tears.

"You'll see."

It was daylight again so I had to drive. The others got into the back of the van. Lily held Mel to her side and glared at Jared who sat as far away from Mel as he could.

The next few hours were dead silence. I decided to pull off the exit to a mid size town and stopped to get gas and fried chicken for everybody. There was still plenty of soda in the cooler. Mel refused to eat citing that just the smell was making her nauseous.

When we pulled into the first of our 'parking garages'; it was still light. We had to wait for the cover of darkness before we could continue. I took the opportunity to call Burns and see what happened after I left. I crawled into the back seat of the Jeep we would be traveling in. Mel and Lily were still in the van. Jared who couldn't wait to get out, was helping Aaron load things into the back of the Jeep.

Burns had programmed his and Nate's cell phone numbers into my contact list. It was about six o'clock so they would most likely be getting ready for dinner. The phone rang four times before Burns answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me."

"How are you holding up?"

"About as good as can be expected. Mel got sick on the way home. She told Jared that she's pregnant."

"Are you kidding?"

"No. I'm not kidding. And Jared is _not _too happy about it."

"Oh."

"The good thing is, all _her_ drama helped to keep my mind off all _my_ drama."

"I guess that's good."

"How is he?"

"Not so good."

"Care to elaborate?"

"Sure. Well, Ian was at the field when you left. Nate tracked him down and told him what happened with you. Apparently he was upset."

"Well I can understand how he would be upset that I kissed Nate."

"He wasn't upset about that. Well, maybe he was but he told Nate that he was upset that Nate didn't go with you."

"Yeah, he was pretty adamant about me spending time with Nate. He wanted me to make sure my decision was well thought out. That's why I asked Nate not to say anything until I was gone. He would never believe that I could make up my mind after one kiss."

"Yeah, well, he didn't come home last night."

"What? Where is he?"

"You're never going to believe this." He paused. "He slept on the field."

"What?"

"I found him asleep next to the bench." He chuckled. "He was a grassy dirty mess."

"Oh, no. Burns you were supposed to watch over him."

"Well he showed up for dinner and then he disappeared again. He didn't say two words to anyone all day."

"How is he today?"

"I don't know. I told him that you are 'in love' with him. He's still not talking."

"Please make sure he sleeps in the house tonight. Tell him that I said if he really loves me he will sleep in the house."

"Okay."

"How is Nate?"

"Nate's been quiet too. It's been really quiet around here."

"Okay, do you want to talk to Lily?"

"You know I do."

"Hold on." I got up out of the jeep and went around to the van. "Lily. Do you want to talk to Burns?"

As she scrambled to get out of the van, I spoke to Burns again "Here she is."

"Wanda?"

"Yes?"

"Take care of _you_ okay? I love you, little sis." That was it. The waterworks started all over again.

"I love you too." I handed the phone to Lily.

It was just as hard being away from Burns as it was from Ian. He really _was_ like my big brother. Then I began to think about Ian lying in the baseball field. What could have been going through his head? There was a huge lump in my throat. My eyes stung. I climbed back into the van with Mel and we hugged each other and cried. I cried for my man and she cried for hers. It was almost like being together in one body again.

Darkness settled on the desert. We piled into the jeep. All three of us girls were teary eyed. Lily had started to cry when she had to say good bye to Burns. Jared was still livid about Mel's pregnancy. Aaron was just glad to get home so he could get away from _all_ of us.

The run to the cave was silent. Since Mel wasn't feeling well, the pace was much slower so I was able to keep up. We even stopped twice and walked for a bit.

Brandt was the first one to greet us. He was look out. "Good to have you back."

"Glad to be back." Aaron spoke for the group since none of us were in any mood to talk. It seemed that we had a lot to tell but no one really wanted to tell it.

Once we got to the main cavern, we were spotted by Jamie.

"You're back!" He called and he ran around the garden to get to us. He ran to Mel first. He grabbed her and she held him tight in her arms. She seemed like she would never let go.

"Oh, Jamie, I missed you!" She looked at him and her eyes began to well up with tears. I was sure the pregnancy only added to her emotional state of being.

"Don't cry! I'm fine, look! Not a scratch on me. Doc and Jeb took real good care of me." Then he hugged Jared. Jared didn't smile but hugged him back.

"Where's Jeb?" Jared asked.

"I think he's in the infirmary with Doc. Jeb's been thinking about a new lighting system in the lower levels. They've been drawing up plans. They've been waiting for Wanda to come back to get what they need." Jared walked off to the infirmary.

"Hey ,Wanda." I was overwhelmed by his cheeriness as he picked me up and spun me around before putting me down again.

"Lily, nice to have you home." He hugged her as well.

"Where's Ian?"

I bit my lip. I couldn't answer the question.

"He's not here." Mel responded. She grabbed her brother and led him away down the hall leaving me and Lily behind.

Lily was sullen. "I'm going to bed."

"I don't think I can go in that room right now. Do you mind if I sleep with you?"

"No, I don't really want to be alone either."

We headed off to Lily's room. I dropped my bag and my CD player in a corner, I remembered how neat Lily was and I didn't want to make a mess.

"I'll just go get my pillow and blanket."

I walked quietly through the dark tunnels. They seemed so dreary to me now after spending so much time in the outdoors. Even if the circumstances weren't what they were, I could see why Ian would have stayed. This was basic lodging. I would have to see about acquiring items to make this place more like home. Actually the lighting idea was a _good_ idea. Jeb always thought practically. It would be nice to have the game room more homey. TV was out due to the lack of reception but there was always the option of movies. I got to my room and when I stepped inside I saw the room was just as I had left it. The blanket was still folded neatly with the pillows on top. Ian's baseball cap and his little box of pictures were still on the shelf where I had left them. What was missing was a door. I guess he _did_ destroy the door the last night before we left. If only we could go back to that night. I swear I would have reacted very differently than I did to his sexual past. That was where this whole thing started. I fell to my knees and picked up his pillow. I held it to my face and I began to sob uncontrollably.

"Wanda?" I must have been hearing things. I could hear Ian's voice calling my name. "Wanda? There you are."

It was Kyle. I had forgotten how much they sounded alike. He found me on my knees sobbing into the pillow. He approached me very cautiously. "What happened? Why didn't Ian come back with you?"

"It's all my fault." I cried. He got down on his knees and took the pillow from me and held me in his arms. It was almost like being in Ian's arms. It felt good and yet at the same time it just made me even sadder.

"Talk to me, what happened with my brother?" He was pleading.

"You remember Nate?"

"The leader of the mountain clan. Yeah, nice guy."

I took a deep breath. "Nate … well, he decided that he liked me. He's not the type of guy to sit in the shadows. He was charming and …"

"Did you sleep with him?"

"No!" I paused. "He's a very smart man. He knows how to manipulate people and situations. Ian saw what Nate wanted him to see. I got confused."

"What the hell are you saying Wanda?" I could see his hands tensing.

I bit my lip. I was afraid of Kyle. He had come very close to killing me more than once.

"I have to go."

He grabbed my shoulders to stop me. "Wanda, what did you do?"

I winced. "Kyle I'm afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"Of you!"

He let go of me. He sat on the mattress. He looked down. "I don't mean to frighten you. I'm just concerned about my brother."

"I'm supposed to think about what I want. He wants me to make a decision."

"What's your decision?"

"I love Ian with all my heart."

"Then what's the problem?"

"It's complicated."

"I've got all night."

I sat with Kyle for a long time and I told him everything I could remember. It brought back memories of things I wanted to forget.

"So you broke him." He finally said.

"I didn't mean to!" My emotions were riding so close to the surface. Almost anything he could say would have set me off. "I'm so tired of crying, but I can't seem to stop!"

"Come here." He pulled me down on the bed and wrapped himself around me. "Close your eyes. Sleep. I know my brother. He loves you. He will come around. I'll watch over you till he does." He held me until I drifted off to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**I am so happy to see that there are people out there reading this story. I love communicating with all of you who have responded to the chapters. You are all special to me. Thank you.**

Solace and Solitude

It was morning when I woke. Kyle was gone. The warmth of the desert sun was heating up the room. Lily! I forgot about her. She must be so angry. The last thing I needed now was for someone else that I cared about to be angry with me. I got to her room and she was still asleep. "Lily?"

She stirred. "Lily?" She opened her eyes.

"There you are. I was worried when you didn't come back."

"Kyle tracked me down and I told him everything. He stayed with me until I fell asleep. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. It's about time I got up anyway. Let's go wash up. Your stuff is already here."

We went to the bathing room and got ready for the day. I would have to face everyone that I didn't want to face, and answer questions that I didn't want to answer.

"We need to check on Mel." I suggested.

We found Melanie in the infirmary. She had slept there. Jared was angry and she didn't want to throw up in the tunnels trying to get to the bathing room.

"Mel. How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Better. I've already had my morning up chuck," she replied.

"How are things with Jared?"

"The same." He's still ignoring me. "Is there a full moon or something?"

"I don't know. I guess we are just going to have to stick together. Tonight we can all sleep in my room. Like the three musketeers. All for one and one for all." We became a trio. We spent as much time together as we could from then on.

I found Kyle in the kitchen with Sunny. I went to him and thanked him for last night. He hugged me and kissed the top of my head. Sunny did _not_ look happy at the attention I received. I made it a point to let her know that Kyle was like a brother to me and _nothing_ more. I asked Kyle to speak to Jared about Mel. He said that he would.

Eventually Jeb tracked the three of us down. "So I saved a special spot in the cornfield for you ladies to plant soy. Soy is good for the soil, good for the soul too." He laughed at his own joke. We never questioned Jeb. We finished our breakfast, grabbed a bucket for Mel, just in case, and headed for the cornfield. We worked in silence. When we finished, Mel took a nap, Lily took a bath and I went to the entrance of the cavern and sat. I wanted to be alone.

"So I'm glad you came back to us." It was Jeb.

"I was wondering when you would catch up to me."

"I guess the trip wasn't so spectacular for you."

I sighed. I was thinking about Ian and the nights we spent together. "There were moments that were _very_ spectacular."

"Huh."

"I feel so empty."

"Yeah. That's not gonna change."

"Thanks a lot."

"Just bein' truthful."

I didn't speak.

"You could be helpful though. Can I trust you to do that for me?"

"That's what I came back for."

"So, you didn't leave Ian." He paused. "That's good."

That was the end of the conversation.

I spent my days working wherever Jeb sent me. I spent my nights sleeping with Mel and Lily. Kyle spoke to Jared as I had asked. I'm not sure what was said but whatever it was Jared finally started speaking to Mel again. Jared had a weak stomach when it came to vomit so Mel continued to bed with us. She and Jared 'stole moments'

from time to time. He still had a problem with the thought of bringing a child into the world. We still had seven months to work on his attitude. Some days Mel was fine. Other days she was sick as a dog. The sick days were the days Jared tended to stay away, so I stayed close on those days.

Lily seemed to bounce back quicker than I did. She was friendly with everyone. She didn't hang with me as much after the first few days.

I kept to myself. I spent time with Jamie when I was with Mel. Other than that I tended to sit at the doorway to the outside. It was peaceful. Sometimes I would take Ian's pictures from the box and stare at them. I thought about him all the time and sometimes Kyle would walk by looking so much like Ian or I would hear his voice sounding so much like Ian's and I would begin to cry. I missed him so much.

About a week after we returned, Jeb came to me.

"I need you to get some things for me."

I was itching to get out of the caverns. I wanted so much to call Burns and find out what was going on. The phone reception here at the caverns was not good. I also saw that I had some missed calls from Nate before the phone went dead. I needed to speak to him as well.

"Give me a list."

"Take Kyle with you. Leave tonight."

Kyle was very patient with me. He could have reached the Jeep in half the time it took me. Kyle drove since it was night. He drove west towards California.

"Ian told me that you grew up in California."

"Yes, in the hills."

"Do you ever think about your parents?"

"Sometimes. Ian was closer to my Mom. He always tried to be the 'good' boy when he was around her."

"It's getting late, I think we should pull over somewhere and get some sleep."

"Okay, I'll pull off at the next exit."

When we got to our room, I called Burns. It was a little after eleven but I hoped he would be awake. He picked it up almost immediately.

"Wanda?"

"Hey Burns."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm in California; I think. Kyle and I are on a road trip. Is Ian okay?"

"He's the same. He asks me every day to put him to work. Lot's of repairs in the house are getting done. He goes to the field. He pitches. He talks to no one. He comes back after dark. He goes to bed. Oh yeah, and I tell him every day that you are "in love" with him."

"Oh."

"Do you want to talk to him?"

"Is he there?"

"He's in his room. Hold on."

My heart started pounding. I was sitting on the edge of the bed and my leg started jumping up and down. I was nervous.

"Hello?"

"Ian?"

"Wanderer."

"I miss you so much."

"Why didn't you take Nate with you?"

"I didn't _need_ to take him. I've already made my decision."

"How can you make a decision if you run away from the problem?"

"I didn't run away. I went home to where my responsibilities are. You need to come home too."

"I can't."

I was getting frustrated. "Can't or won't?"

Kyle sensed that this conversation was going in the wrong direction. He took the phone from me.

"Hey bro!" … "Yeah, well, someone's got to take care of her. She's really cute when she sleeps." … "Not in that sense." … "Sunny's back at the caverns." … "Yeah maybe, but she doesn't have the spunk that Wanda has." … "Hold on." He put his hand over the receiver to speak to me. "Would you do me a favor and run to the van for my bag?"

He wants me to leave. "Okay but promise me you will let me say good night to him?"

"Of course."

I dragged my feet as a walked to the van. If I didn't drag my feet I would have sprinted and then I would be back too soon. When I returned he said, "Yeah, here she is."

He handed me the phone. "Ian?"

"I want you to be careful out there."

"Always." We had this same conversation when I left with Burns to get my cell phone.

"Don't let my brother get all touchy feely. He hasn't had a woman in who knows how long." I tried to laugh but my voice broke because of the lump in my throat.

"I won't."

He didn't respond. I had to say something.

"Ian?"

"Yes?"

"So you still love me?" I was holding my breath.

"Wanderer, you still have my heart."

The tears broke through now. He knew I was crying.

"Good night."

"Good night." As soon as I said it, he was gone.

I broke down and Kyle put his arms around me. "See? He still loves you."

I slept in Kyle's arms and I pretended they were Ian's. Ian still loved me. I slept like a baby for the first time since I left Ian.

We woke before sunrise. The drill was to always leave before the sun came up to avoid Kyle being seen. He was up before me and he showered. I put on make up for the first time since I left the mountain. I wanted to look older when I was shopping.

"Wow! Has Ian ever seen you with make up on?"

"Yes."

He scratched his head. "Remind me to kick him in the head when I see him. Any guy that would let you walk away obviously needs a swift kick in the head."

I blushed. "Thank you, Kyle."

The list Jeb had given to me was comprised of two types of items; electrical products which I knew nothing about and food. Kyle suggested that we go to Home Depot first. Kyle couldn't possibly accompany me into the store so I had to enlist the help of a very nice man who worked there. I told him that my father had given me the list for a project he was going to complete. He was very helpful in locating all of the items on my list.

"Can you answer a question for me?"

He looked only too happy to help me. "Sure, miss, if I can."

"My Dad says that when he does this project, we will be without power sporadically for the next several days. I don't want to go without air conditioning and TV. Do you have any suggestions?"

He smiled. "That's easy. You need a generator." He walked me to the section of the store where they were kept.

"Does it run on batteries?" Everything else we had ran on batteries so a generator didn't make sense to me.

"No, it runs on gas. Don't use it inside the house. The fumes will kill ya. You need to run it outside and run extension cords into the house. Most people run the cords through the windows." He pointed to one particular model. "This one over here is efficient and it is less noisy than the others."

"Perfect! Can I pick it up later? That won't fit in my car. I'll come back with my Dad's van. He gets home from work about seven o'clock. Can I pick it up then?"

"Sure, no problem. You'll need those extension cords and then I'll write up your paperwork." I picked out two of the longest extension cords they had.

When I reached the van, Poor Kyle was bored to tears. "You know, I could pick up a book for you to read."

"I _hate _to read. Let's get the rest of the stuff we need and head home."

"Um, we're staying another night."

"What for?" He was annoyed.

"I like sleeping with you." He whipped his head around to stare at me.

"What?" He was shocked.

I started to laugh. Truthfully though, I _did_ prefer to sleep in his arms rather than with the girls. It was very close to how it felt to be in Ian's arms.

"No. I have a few items that I need to get that _aren't_ on Jeb's list."

"So, get them and let's get out."

"I can't with you in the van. They are big items and I will need help loading them into the back."

"What the heck are buying?" He was curious now.

"You'll see. Let's get some lunch." I stopped and picked up a pizza and some drinks and I parked the van in the parking lot of a big city park that included a lake and a paved track around it. I climbed into the back and we enjoyed our lunch.

"Kyle, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, doll."

"What did you say to Ian last night when you sent me to the van?"

"I just told him that he was being stupid. It's obvious to me that you love him."

"What did he say?"

"He said that he needed time."

"He said that _he_ needed time?" No, no. He told me that _I_ needed time. The wheels started to turn in my head. Maybe I got this all wrong. Maybe there was someone else in his life. He had spent forty eight hours with those girls locked up in the root cellar. I whipped out my phone. I chose 'Nate' on the speed dial and hit 'send'. He always knew everything that is going on. I needed to speak to Nate, the master planner. The phone rang and rang. It went to voice mail. I hung up. A moment later the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Wanda, you called?"

I didn't want to sound panicked. "I was just returning your call."

"Oh, I called you two days ago."

"We don't get great reception in the caverns so I had to wait until I was sent on a road trip."

"Ah, I see."

"So, how are you?"

"There's no one to flirt with. All the beautiful girls are gone." I smiled even though he couldn't see me.

"I'm sorry. There's always…"

"Don't say Sarah."

"I wasn't. I was going to say there is always Kara and Holly."

"I'm not really interested."

Enough small talk. "Nate, how's Ian? Tell me the truth please. Don't sugarcoat it."

"Well, he doesn't have much to say to me anymore now that he's not keeping an eye on me. I told him what happened between us before you left. You'll never believe what he asked me."

"What did he ask you?"

"He asked me if I really wanted to kiss you. He wanted to know what _kind_ of a kiss it was."

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him that I kissed you like any guy who wanted to 'get' the girl. So, then he asked me if you kissed me back."

"I'm listening."

"I told him it was a pretty passionate kiss. You know what he said to that?"

"What?"

"He said you were trying _too _hard." I took a deep breath. "He's been either working with Burns or at the ball field ever since."

"Is Burns the only one he talks to?"

"Pretty much. I see Holly at the ball field watching him pitch sometimes."

I was silent.

"Wanda?"

My voice cracked as I squeaked. "Yes?"

"Oh now, you don't think? No way. That boy's never going to even _look_ at another girl. I'm positive of that."

I was still silent. The lump in my throat wouldn't allow me to speak.

"Who's there with you?"

"Kyle," I croaked.

"Let me speak to him."

I held the phone out to Kyle. He took it from me.

"Hello?"

As he talked my mind started to picture Holly with him. I was afraid that Ian could be slipping away from me. She was close to his age and she was pretty. What man could resist a beautiful redhead? Maybe Ian would give into his physical needs as he had done so many times before. I didn't hear any of the conversation between Nate and Kyle except 'yes, no, I know, and okay'.

When Kyle hung up, he put his hand on my cheek. "You've got it _so _wrong. Ian would never cheat on you."

"_I_ cheated on _him_." Tears spilled over onto my cheeks. I deserved it if he cheated on me. My heart sank.

"You kissed someone so you could prove to yourself that Ian was the one for you. Ian doesn't blame you for that. He would never seek retribution." Kyle held me in his arms yet again to calm my fears and dry my tears. Maybe all this drama would make him appreciate the simplicity of Sunny.

"Look, tonight we'll call Ian again. Okay?"

I just nodded. He kissed me on the cheek.

"You look like a girl who needs chocolate. Let's go to the supermarket."

At the supermarket I bought all of the non perishable items I would need to take back to the caverns. Tomorrow I would pick up the perishable items so they would stay fresher longer and I would definitely pick up lots of blueberries.

My last stop was at Sears. Kyle didn't know what I was shopping for and I wasn't going to tell him. I knew exactly what I was looking for. Again I told the store employee that I would come back with 'Daddy's' van to pick up my purchase."

Next stop was the hotel. I needed to drop off Kyle to pick up my 'big' purchases.

"Here, you keep the phone. If _anything_ happens, call Burns."

"I'll be fine. Hurry back. I'll be waiting." He was smiling even though I was sure he would worry the entire time I was gone.

"I won't be long." I hugged him before I bolted out the door.

At Home Depot everything went smoothly. The generator was already near the loading dock. I just backed up the van and they loaded it in. Sears was another story. They did not have my purchase ready. They weren't even sure if they had it in stock. I had to wait a half hour just for them to locate it and then they had to bring it up front. The problem was that Kyle was under the impression that I only had to go to Sears. I didn't tell him about the generator at Home Depot. They were located quite a distance away from each other. Plus, we hadn't eaten dinner so I had planned to stop and get Chinese food. I knew it was Kyle's favorite from past trips with him. It took me two and a half hours to get back. Kyle was livid.

"Where the hell were you? I called Ian. I was in a panic." He grabbed the food out of my hand and put it on the dresser.

"You called Ian?"

"Yes, you need to call him right away."

"He wants me to call him?" It was as if I couldn't grasp the meaning.

"He's worried. And he's pissed at me for letting you go by yourself."

"Okay." Breathe. This could go two ways. He could be really mad at me or … Who was I kidding he was going to be mad.

Kyle dialed the phone and handed it to me. Ian picked it up on the first ring. Not good.

"Wanderer?" he sounded concerned.

"Ian." I was waiting for the onslaught.

"Oh thank God. I was worried to death. Kyle said that you were gone for hours and that it shouldn't take that long. I knew you'd be okay. Where did you go?"

I went into the bathroom and shut the door so Kyle couldn't hear me.

"I bought a generator and a TV for the game room."

"You bought a generator?"

"Yes. Is that a bad idea?"

"No, no. That's good! That's a great idea!"

I felt so happy. He wasn't mad. He was relieved.

"I thought that maybe if there was more to do in the caverns, you might … well, you might come home. I miss you so much. And sometimes I look at Kyle and I see you or I hear you…" I was rambling.

"Wanderer. It's only been a week."

"A week of pure hell!"

"It's not easy for me here, either."

"Ian, you told me that I needed time to think but you told Kyle that _you_ needed time to think. Is there something going on?"

"Why would you think that?"

"Nate told me that Holly hangs around the ball field with you."

"So, you're still talking to Nate."

"About you!"

"I've got to go."

"Ian don't you _DARE_ hang up on me!" There was silence but he didn't hang up. After a minute, I broke the silence.

"Ian, are you there?"

"Yes."

"I don't want anyone except you."

"And I don't want anyone except you."

"Then come home."

"Not yet."

"Why not?" If I cried one more time this week I was going to dry up like a prune.

"This time apart is either going to make us or break us."

"How long?" I reiterated.

"I don't know. Please just give me some time."

"But I love you."

"I know. I love you too. Trust me. I'm not going to do anything with Holly or anyone else. No one can hold a candle to you."

"Okay." I said meekly.

"Wanderer? Do me a favor and keep Kyle in the loop when it comes to your 'surprises'. I've put him officially in charge of you and you are already giving him an ulcer."

"Okay."

"Call me when you can. I'll be thinking about you. Good night Babydoll."

"Good night."

As I clicked the phone shut, I was both elated and saddened. I was elated because for the most part, this had been a good phone call. He called me 'Babydoll'. He hadn't called me by a nickname since he had given up fighting for the relationship. I was sad because he still needed time and because he was still upset that I was talking to Nate. I still cared about Nate and considered him a friend.

When I opened the door to the bathroom, Kyle was sitting on the bed. I smiled at him. "I'm sorry I worried you."

"You had me scared to death!"

"I know. I promise it won't happen again."

He stood up and crossed the floor to where I was standing and hugged me. This hug wasn't for me. It was for him. I knew at that moment that I would never fear Kyle again. After a long minute, he released me. "Well, at least you brought Chinese."

We ate and watched a little television before turning in. After the lights were turned out, I snuggled into his chest and he held me securely in his arms just as he had done last night.

"Kyle?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you remember when I joked that I like sleeping with you?"

"Yep."

"Well, I do, but not for the reasons you think. When I close my eyes and you hold me and talk to me, well, it's almost like being with Ian."

"I know that."

"You do?"

"The first night in the caverns when you came back, after you fell asleep, you said 'I love you, Ian',"

"I did?"

"Uh-huh."

We were silent for a minute. "How come you and Sunny haven't … you know."

"Gone forward with a relationship?"

"Yes. I know she loves you."

He took a breath and then paused before speaking. "I like Sunny well enough, but, she's in Jodie's body. She loves me because of Jodie's memories. I don't think she would have these feelings without that."

"Do you talk about it?"

"No."

"You should ask her what she loves about you. Tell her to be specific. Tell her you only want to know the things _she's_ felt since the two of you met."

"It's difficult. I've gotten used to having her around like a little sister." He seemed like he was afraid to mess up a good thing.

"You know what _I_ love about you?"

"What?"

"Your smell." He pulled away to see my face that had been buried in his chest. "Really, whatever aftershave you use blends really well with your natural smell. It's kind of … hypnotic."

He plopped his head back on the pillow. "You know, I can see how men just fall in love with you. You need to stop talking before I am tempted to be more than 'brotherly' to you. Besides that aftershave is just about gone."

"Then we'll have to get some more." I nestled back into his chest, took a big aromatic breath, and fell asleep.

As usual we woke before dawn. When Kyle opened the back door to the van, he froze. "Holy crap! You bought a generator?"

"I bought a generator."

"And a television?"

"Yep."

He grabbed me by the head and he planted a kiss right smack on my lips. I reeled back.

"This is awesome!"

"Well, you know we won't get any reception for the TV but it has a DVD player in it, so I can purchase some movies."

"Hell, yeah!"

So, we went on our way. I stopped at a drug store and purchased aftershave for Kyle and two more long extension cords. Next stop was the supermarket for the perishable items. The final stop was a video store where I acquired five DVD movies. Kyle had comprised a list of his favorites. I tried to pick out a variety so I ended up with two comedies, a period piece, an adventure film, and an old Disney classic. Violence and horror were not sold any longer since souls got no pleasure in watching them.

We pulled the van under the overhang at the caverns after dark. Jared and Jeb were there to help unload. "Whoa!" Jared howled. "What are we going to do with a TV in the middle of nowhere?"

"We're going to watch movies." Kyle was being smug.

The word spread like wildfire through the caverns. Jeb called a brief meeting in the main cavern. "I'm gonna make this short and sweet. Tomorrow, everyone has work to do. There will be people assigned to work on this new project. _If_ we get everything done, there will be movies tomorrow night in the game room."

"A roar went up from the crowd."

That night I slept with the girls, but I couldn't sleep. I missed Ian and oddly enough I missed Kyle. The next morning everyone was excited. We all worked extra hard to make sure Jeb had nothing to complain about. Jared and Kyle were assigned the task of setting up the generator outside under the overhang. They covered it with burlap so it would blend into the rock when seen from afar. They set the television up in the game room and ran the extension cords through the tunnels. Jeb and Doc started on their lighting project which had taken on a new meaning with the addition of the generator. Jeb had done some electrical work in his day so he was familiar with the process. The plan was to drill holes in the tunnels in the ceiling. The wire I had purchased was to be strung along the holes. He would use putty to secure the lines into place at each hole and a light socket was to be placed every thirty five to fifty feet depending on the contour of the tunnel and whether there was a turn involved. The first tunnel he lined led to the bathing room. He would continue the line into the bathing room and beyond into the toilet area.

Dinner time came before Jeb and Doc could complete the last section before the bathing room. He came along reluctantly. After dinner he decided to test his creation by plugging the existing line into the generator. For the first time there was light in the tunnel. It was a good day's work and Jeb was proud. The tunnel took on a whole new feel. In the darkness the tunnel seemed vast but with the addition of the light, the tunnel became very closed in, almost claustrophobic.

Everyone assembled in the game room with excitement and anticipation. Although we had no microwave for popping corn there was plenty of candy and chips for the crowd. A cooler full of soda and ice that had not yet melted was on hand as well. Some people brought pillows and blankets with them. Jeb made an official appearance to start everything off. During his speech, he thanked me for the special gifts and then he went so far as calling _me_ a special gift. I was so embarrassed I wanted to fade into the rock. I heard Kyle give a hoot from the back of the room. Jeb asked me to choose the first movie and I in turn allowed Jamie to make the choice. He chose the adventure flick. I sat next to Jamie and Lily. As I looked around the room, it seemed that there were a lot of couples. I could see Doc and Sharon, Mel and Jared, Trudy and Geoffrey, and Kyle and Sunny. Maybe I was noticing because I was alone. A sadness slowly washed over me. I should be sitting here with Ian, only he was miles away deciding if I was worth fighting for. Jamie reached out and held my hand but it didn't help. I had seen this movie before when Pet had inhabited this body. I stared at the screen but my mind was wandering in a different place. The more I thought about Ian, the more I missed him. I couldn't focus at all so I decided I needed to be alone. As I got up Jamie pulled on my arm.

"Where are you going?" He whispered.

"To the bathroom." I lied. I went back to the room that once belonged to me and Ian. I took the letter that Ian had written to me on the last night before … the end. I moved swiftly and silently through the tunnels to my quiet place by the entrance. The only noise was coming from the generator. I unfolded the letter. I cradled my forehead in my hands as I read it. I hadn't cried since before yesterday's phone call and I didn't want to cry now but I missed him so much.

I heard footsteps behind me coming down the tunnel.

"I thought I'd find you here."

"Hey Jeb."

"If you didn't like the movie then why did you purchase it?"

"It's not that."

He stood directly behind me and looked down at where I was sitting. "You know you did a good thing."

"Thank you."

"You want to take a walk?" he gestured towards the desert.

"Out there?" Leisurely walks in the desert were not commonplace.

"Sure, I think we'll be all right."

So, we walked. He didn't speak for a long time and neither did I. The stars were beautiful in the night sky. Finally, Jeb broke the silence. He pointed upward to the stars. "Do you know which of those stars you've been to?"

"I haven't got a clue. I'm not a navigator."

"I guess the important thing is that you are here … _above _ground." He wasn't referring to the depth of the caverns but the grave I had condemned myself to when I made the decision to give Melanie her life back. "You know it's only a matter of time before he comes to his senses."

"And if he doesn't?" This was an option I hoped I would never have to face.

"You'll be stuck with Nate." He gave me a hip check. I gave him a worried smile. "Truth is he's torturing himself."

"Why?" That was the burning question.

"Do you really want to hear my theory?"

"Of course I do." Jeb was the one guy who had enough insight to find and create this place we now called home when everyone else thought he was nuts. In reality, he was the smartest man I know, smarter than Nate.

"Well, it's only a theory, but after you picked up this pretty little body; it seems the whole relationship went to crap."

"You think he doesn't like my body?" Please say it isn't so.

"I think he likes it _too _much. The fighting began and it was wearing on your relationship. Then Nate came into the picture and that _really_ started to wear on your relationship. You and Ian are two pretty people who don't realize that you are perfect for each other. You make each other miserable because you both think that you aren't good enough for each other. I think he figures if he drops to the very depths of despair, there's only one way to go."

"Up?"

"Yes, up. He just hasn't dropped low enough yet." Oddly, his theory actually made me feel better. "What do you say we get back before the second movie?"

"Sure."

On our way back to the game room, we ran into Kyle. He had come to look for me. "Wanda, are you alright?"

Jeb answered for me. "She's fine. We just went to check on the generator."

Kyle put his arm around my neck and kissed the top of my head. "I'm picking the next movie," he declared. When we got back, the credits were rolling and people were running out to go to the bathroom or get more blankets. Kyle grabbed my hand and dragged me past Jamie to the back of the room where he had been sitting with Sunny. Sunny wasn't there. She must have gone to the bathroom. Jamie got up and went to the cooler. He grabbed a couple of sodas and some candy and headed towards me. Meanwhile Kyle chose his movie and gave it to Jeb. Then he snaked his way back through the bodies huddled in groups on the floor and plopped down next to me. Jamie was on my left and Kyle was on my right. Apparently they both wanted to make sure I stayed put. Sunny entered the room and her face dropped when she saw me. She stomped over and sat next to Kyle.

I whispered in Kyle's ear. "She looks mad."

"She's fine." He replied.

"Kyle, I'm serious. I don't want her to hate me. You need to make her feel wanted." He creased his forehead as he looked at me. My returning gaze was one of urgency. He needed to do _something._

Then, the most wonderful thing happened. Kyle turned towards Sunny. He pushed her gently down into a lying position and leaned over her. He spoke loud enough for me to hear. "You know you're my girl, right?"

I couldn't hear her answer but he leaned in and kissed her on the lips. It wasn't an explosive kiss or a slow burn kiss, but it lasted just long enough to be passionate. Sunny sat up and she was smiling.

The lights went low and the movie started. It was one of the comedies. Jamie handed me one of the sodas and all four of us shared the candy. We all laughed and had a great time. I didn't think about Ian anymore because I was too busy being happy for Sunny and maybe just a little bit jealous. By the time the second movie was over, it was late. Jamie walked me back to Lily's room where I had been sleeping with Lily and Mel since we had returned from the mountain. He hugged us all 'good night'. That night I dreamt about Ian. It was a weird dream. Kyle and Holly were in it too. By the time I woke up, I wasn't sure who was coupled with who and that disturbed me. I shook off the dream and started my day.


	10. Chapter 10

**Happy Valentine's Day to you all! My gift to you is my story because it comes from my heart.**

Time Takes It's Toll

The next few days were routine. I worked wherever Jeb needed me. At night, movies were shown. Once everyone had seen the movies, the attendance dropped dramatically. I spent a lot of time sitting by the entrance alone. Sometimes I would go for a short walk outside. I didn't cry so much anymore. I just felt numb. Kyle and Sunny were _exploring_ their new relationship so he was too busy to worry about me. Exactly one week after Kyle and I had returned from our first trip, Jeb came to me again.

He found me in my 'special place'. "Hey, little lady."

"Hey, Jeb."

"I need you to take another road trip for me. I need more supplies for the lighting project and food is always on the list. Take Kyle again."

"Can't I take Jared? Kyle and Sunny are just getting comfortable. I don't think she'll appreciate me taking him away."

"I need Jared to be here for Mel. If you're not here, then he'll _have_ to take care of her. Sunny will be fine. Besides, you and Kyle make a good team. He knows how to keep you…" He chose his words carefully. "…in control."

"What did he tell you?"

"He told me enough."

I had to admit I was happy I was going with Kyle. My substitute Ian had a soothing effect on me. I was also looking forward to calling Ian, Burns, and Nate. I missed them all.

That afternoon, before we left, Sharon came to me. It took me by surprise because she generally avoided me. "Wanda? Can I ask a favor?"

"Sure," I answered warily.

"It's not for me. It's for Aunt Maggie. She used to do a lot of crafts, things like needlepoint, crocheting, and latch hook rugs. I was wondering if you could maybe pick up something like that for her. Next week is her birthday."

"Absolutely! I think that's a wonderful idea. What does she like? I mean what type of picture would she want to create?"

"She likes still life stuff and flowers."

I nodded my head. "Okay, I can work with that. By the way, do you know what size shoe she wears?"

"Eight and a half. Why?"

"I noticed her shoes are pretty worn. Maybe I'll make this into a 'Maggie' trip and get her a couple of things she needs."

Sharon managed to smile. "That's very nice of you."

"Thank _you_ for giving me the idea. Oh! What's her favorite movie?"

"She loves 'Gone with the Wind' and 'The Wizard of Oz'"

"I'm on it."

"Thank you, Wanda."

We left as the sun was setting. Kyle kept pace with me just as he had the last time. He was very quiet. We really hadn't spoken much since the first night at the movies. When we finally got on the road, we still hadn't really spoken. I was afraid he might be mad at me. Was it because I had taken him away from Sunny? I decided I needed to know.

"Kyle, are you mad at me?"

"Mad at _you_? No, why would you think that?"

"You've just been so quiet."

"Well, you were quiet too. I thought maybe you wanted the peace and quiet."

I hadn't thought of that. "How are things with you and Sunny?"

"Good, good." Not a whole lot of information there.

"Did you kiss her good bye?"

"I always kiss her good bye."

"On the lips?" Yes, I was being nosy but I needed to know if last week's kiss was a show put on for my benefit or really the start of something.

"Boy, are you sure you're not just a little jealous?" The heat rose in my face. He looked directly at me. "Yes I kissed her on the lips. You might say we made out." The corners of his mouth pulled into a sly smile

"Good." I was satisfied. I felt like Nate the schemer again. I pulled out my phone and plugged it into the charger. I opened the phone and chose Burns in my memory and dialed it. After the third ring Burns picked up.

"Nate?"

"No, it's me Wanda."

"Oh, hey! How are you?"

"I'm good, I'm on another road trip with Kyle."

"I'm on a road trip myself. Apparently there were humans spotted by the local constables, so I've been out here since this morning. I'll stay the night and then head back in the morning. I need to make it look good, you know?"

"Oh. I hope you are being careful."

"Of course I am." He replied.

I wouldn't be able to speak to Ian unless I called Nate. I wanted to call Nate anyway but I didn't want Ian to know. No use stirring the pot.

"How's Lily?"

"She's missing you."

"Isn't there any way she can get to call me?" He pleaded.

"Maybe when I get back she and I can take the van back to the hiding place and she can call you then."

"I'd like that."

"Did I tell you I purchased a generator and a TV?"

"Really? I guess that makes you the home town hero," he chuckled.

I laughed too.

"That's me. I'm the super human."

"I'd like to be a super human with all the projects Ian has got me doing. He never stops."

"How _is_ Ian?" I had been dying to ask but I didn't want to sound insensitive.

"He's the same although one good thing happened."

"What's that?"

"Carlos asked him one day if he could play ball with him. He wanted to know if Ian would teach him how to pitch. So, he started coaching Carlos and now Blake is working with him too. They even call him 'Coach'."

"Good for him." I always knew he'd be a great coach. The burning question in my mind was still the subject of Holly. "Is Holly still hanging around?"

He didn't answer.

"Burns? You're scaring me."

"Let me say this so it doesn't upset you. I'd have to say she hangs around him; not that _he_ hangs around her."

It was a good effort on Burns' part but I was still seething. Now _I _didn't answer.

"Wanda, I don't want you getting upset."

"I'm not!" I lied and the sheer trill in my voice gave that away.

"I still remind him every day that you are 'in love' with him."

"You are a good big brother."

"Thank you. I'll always be here for you."

"I know."

"I'm going to go now because I know you want to call Ian. I love you."

"I love you too. Bye." I hung up the phone and bit my lip.

"Is everything okay?" Kyle seemed concerned.

"I don't know." I dialed Nate's number.

"Hello?" Nate sounded out of breath.

"It's me, Wanda."

"Hey, pretty lady! How are you?"

"I'm okay. Kyle and I are on another road trip. I thought I'd check in. How are you doing?"

"You know… I'm doing my thing. Burns is out searching for humans. That always keeps me on edge. We humans tend to be a little violent when provoked."

"Yes. I happen to know that first hand. I just spoke to Burns and he seemed fine. He said he'd be back your way in the morning."

"Yeah. I'll feel better when I see him. He's like a brother to me."

"I know what you mean. He told me that Ian has been working with some of the kids on the ball field."

"Yep and now he's gone project happy again. He wants to build a backstop and he's digging up the grass."

"What do you mean he's digging up the grass?"

"He's creating a diamond around the bases. The boys are helping him out."

"Right , the boys. Burns told me that Holly has been helping too."

"Well, yeah. She helps." It felt like he was leaving something out. A sharp pain went through my chest.

"Nate. Is it possible that you could get Ian to call me?"

"Well, right now I'm at the cave. I'll get him to call a little later, okay?"

"Sure. Oh, Nate?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks."

"Sure, no problem."

About a half hour later the phone rang. I picked it up on the second ring.

"Ian?"

"Hey, Babydoll." He sounded happy.

"How are you?"

"I've been keeping busy."

"So, I hear. You are doing a lot of work on the ball field?"

"Yes. I'm trying to fix it up for the kids."

"For the kids or for you?"

"Well, you know, it's for all of us."

"It just seems like a lot of work to put into it considering you'll be leaving soon."

He was quiet. He wasn't even trying to appease me with a lie.

"How is Holly?"

He paused. "She's all right I guess. She's a hard worker." Now it felt like he was lying. She's a hard worker. Hard at work trying to steal my man.

"Ian, when are you coming home?" This question would answer every other question I had.

He paused again. "I don't know." I started to panic. I realized that he was never going to tell me the truth.

"You're never coming home. Are you?" My voice hitched. I was choking back the tears. He still didn't answer me.

"ARE YOU?" I started shaking and sobbing.

"I didn't say that."

Kyle pulled the phone from my hand. I wrapped my arms around my head and I started to cry.

Kyle spoke into the phone. "Jesus, Ian! Haven't you put her through enough?"…"Well, I say you are."…"I'm telling you that you need to claim your woman before someone else does."…"What?"…"_I _will."…"Hey. She'll be in my bed tonight. You can bet on that." He snapped the phone shut.

"What did you do?" I was appalled that Kyle had just told his own brother that he was going to sleep with me.

"Let him chew on that for awhile."

The phone rang. I reached out for the phone. "Let me answer it."

"No." Kyle replied firmly.

"Kyle. Come on!"

"No!" He was adamant. "Someone needs to snap him to his senses."

Five minutes later, the phone rang again.

"KYLE, let me answer it!" I shrieked.

"No." He growled.

I tried to reason with him. "He'll hate you."

"It won't be the first time and it won't be the first time I slept with his girl." He made this statement to make a point. Ian would obviously believe that Kyle was capable of bedding me.

"You're horrible!" I wouldn't look at him. I stared out the window into the blackness of the night. I didn't speak to him the rest of the way. He got off at the exit and drove to the same hotel we had stayed in last week.

As we entered the room I snapped at him. "You're sleeping on the couch."

"Yeah, right." He jumped on the bed. He patted the mattress. "Come here, Baby." He was teasing me now and enjoying it.

I sat on the couch and folded my arms in protest.

"Be that way." He turned on the TV. He slipped his pants off and his shirt, threw them on the chair, and climbed under the blanket. He folded his hands behind his head, and let out a deep sigh. "I think this bed is even more comfortable than the one we had last week."

I was still planted on the couch. I was sitting cross legged, and my foot was swinging in anger.

"You know you're beautiful even when you pout."

Now I was enraged. I lunged towards the bed. "Kyle give me the phone!"

He sighed. "Fine, if I give you the phone will you sleep in the bed with me?"

"Will you be good?" This was so the wrong question to ask.

"Baby, I'm not good. I'm the best!"

"KYLE!" I can't believe he said that!

He laughed so hard, he nearly fell off the bed. He reached under the pillow and handed it to me. I sat on the bed and dialed Nate. It rang and rang. No answer, it didn't even go to voice mail. Had he shut the phone off? I dialed Burns.

"Hello?"

"Burns did you hear from Nate or Ian?"

"No, why?" He could hear the impatience in my voice.

"Just…if you do, tell whoever to call me ASAP."

"Okay." He paused. "Is everything okay?"

My emotions erupted. "No! Everything is _NOT_ okay!" My arm slammed down on Kyle's stomach. He wrenched forward and groaned.

"I tried to call him back but I'm sure he's pissed and he won't pick up." My voice was three octaves higher than it should be.

"What's he pissed about?"

"His _brother_ here told him he was going to sleep with me!"

"And he believed that?"

"Apparently, he's done it before."

Burns sighed into the phone. "Okay. I'll try to call him. Maybe he'll pick up if he sees that it's me calling."

"Thank you."…"Bye." I hung up.

Kyle was ignoring me and pretending he was watching TV but his body was tensed. He was ready to block whatever I threw at him.

Two minutes later, the phone rang. I snapped it open. "Ian?"

"No, it's me Burns."

"Did you reach Ian?" Anxiety had taken over.

"No. No one answered." My heart fell to the floor. "Look, I'll be home in the morning. I'll find out what's going on. He'll call you. I promise."

"Okay, thank you." I was relieved to have Burns in my corner.

"Sis?" He really accepted me as his sister and I loved him for it.

"Yes?"

"Let me talk to Kyle."

I glared at Kyle and held the phone out. "He wants to talk to you."

Kyle took the phone. I continued to sneer at him as he talked.

"Hello?"…"I'm _not _going to sleep with her, geesh!"…"I was just trying to rile him up enough to come back."…"I know," he said sympathetically. "I am."…"I will!"…"Bye." He looked at me like a child who had been spanked. I wondered what Burns had said to turn his cockiness to remorse.

"Come on, get some sleep," he said ruefully.

I went into the bathroom and changed into my sweats. I was still angry. I got under the covers and turned my back on him. He clicked off the TV, set the alarm, and turned off the light. He scooted up behind me and put his head by my ear. "At least you're not crying."

"Shut up, jerk!" It felt good to lash out at him.

"Oh, yeah. And if Sunny asks, I slept on the couch."

I pulled his arm around my waist and smiled. In a few minutes, I drifted off to sleep.

As usual, we left before sunrise. We got to town and purchased breakfast at Dunkin' Donuts. We ate in the parking lot of Home Depot. I figured we'd get the supplies that Jeb asked for first since the store opened so early. By the time I got back to the van with my purchases, it was 9:00 AM.

"The phone's been blowing up for the last half hour." Kyle said flatly.

"Why didn't you answer it?" I was horrified that he would ignore Ian like that.

"It isn't for _me_!"

I was speechless. I tossed the bags at his head. I really _did _want to hurt him. The phone rang. I snapped it open after only one ring. "Hello?"

"WHY DIDN'T YOU ANSWER THE PHONE WHEN I CALLED YOU BACK LAST NIGHT?" It was Ian and he was beyond pissed.

"Kyle took the phone from me and he wouldn't let me answer it."

"DID YOU SLEEP WITH HIM?"

I was insulted. I knew Kyle had bedded his girlfriends before but did he _really_ think I was that shallow?

"NO! He has Sunny!"

"So, what are you telling me, that he's sleeping with Sunny?"

"I don't know if he's sleeping with Sunny. It's none of my business!"

Kyle started nodding his head up and down which distracted me from the 'scream fest' I was having with Ian. I was fixated on Kyle.

"Did you sleep with Sunny?"

He smiled an evil grin. "Oh, yeah!"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You didn't ask. You asked me if I kissed her."

I vaulted out of the drivers seat and over the console to the back of the van. I threw my arms around his neck. I had completely forgotten about the phone still in my hand. "I'm so happy for you! You're a real couple!"

Kyle pulled away from me. "Uh, Wanda? You left Ian hanging there."

"Oh crap!" I put the phone to my ear. "Hello?"

"You tell him that when I see him I am going to kill him."

"Believe me, last night I wanted kill him myself for putting you through that."

"Then why didn't you?"

"Because he's your brother and I love you."

"I love you too." His voice hitched. "I'm sorry I got so angry. The idea of you and Kyle just made me crazy."

"I know. I tried to call you back later on but I couldn't even leave voice mail. Why did you shut the phone off?"

"I didn't exactly shut the phone off. I sort of …destroyed it."

"No you didn't."

"I did. I threw it at the wall."

"You destroyed Nate's phone?"

Kyle burst out laughing. "Let me talk to him…PLEASE!"

I didn't want to give him the phone, but I did.

"You seriously need some anger management!" He was still laughing. "Come on. She loves you. She's not one of those girls in high school." Funny thing, I _was _inhigh school prior to coming to the caverns. "I'm not sorry. I hope you realize what you could be losing."…"I love you too, man." He handed the phone back to me.

"Hey."

"Wanderer? Let's call a truce."

"Okay." I agreed but I was still unsure.

"I want you to know that I am coming home. I just don't know when."

I started to speak and he cut me off.

"Let me finish. I miss you like crazy. Don't ever think that I don't." he sighed. "As for Holly." I held my breath. "I know you are not crazy about her being around me but I assure you that nothing will ever happen between us. As for Nate, you have my permission, no, make that my blessing to continue being his friend."

"Can I speak now?" I needed to come clean on all accounts.

"Yes, please do."

"I want you to know that when Kyle and I go on these trips that we DO share the same bed. He holds me and when I close my eyes I pretend it's you because I can't bear to be without you. He's never crossed the line." My tears started to pool in my eyes.

He was silent for a long time before he finally croaked out his words. "I…I'm sorry I hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. We'll be together again. I can promise you that."

Kyle reached out and pulled his arm around me. He held me close to his chest.

"Is he holding you now?"

I choked out the word. "Yes."

"Good. Tell him to take care of you. I love you. Call me." He hung up the phone.

I slowly snapped the phone shut and I buried my face in Kyle's chest. "I hate this!" I sobbed. "He won't come home and I can't go to him."

"You can go to him anytime you want." Kyle was trying to be supportive.

"I made a promise to be here for my family and even if I _could_ go, I don't know that Ian wants me there."

He sighed. "Of course he wants you there." Kyle looked as miserable as I did.

After a bit, I pulled myself together. "I need to shop for Maggie's birthday." My voice was sullen.

"Could you do me a favor? I know you don't owe me anything but…"

"Are you kidding? Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without you right now."

"Okay. Can you get something special for Sunny…from me?"

"Absolutely."

I spent the rest of my day running around the city going from one store to another. I got Maggie a needlepoint and a latch hook rug from the crafts store. I found shoes for both Maggie and Sunny. I bought the cutest little Capri pants and a lace top for Sunny. I also chose something for the boudoir for Kyle to present to her at his discretion. I got Maggie a new pair of khaki jeans and a blouse. I bought a birthday cake along with my usual weekly food at the supermarket. My last stop was the video and music store. They had both of the movies that Maggie liked and I also purchased a trilogy of fantasy adventure films. Poor Kyle was holed up in the van all day but this trip I brought my CD player and headphones for him. He requested that maybe I could pick up some music more to his liking. I got two artists that he mentioned. They were groups that were popular in the late ninety's that seemed to define Kyle's teen years. The music was loud and angry. He was happy with my choices. We didn't spend a second night this time but went directly home. I took a nap in the back while Kyle drove.

Back at the caverns I enlisted Lily to accompany me in returning the van to its proper hiding place. She was thrilled to have the chance to talk to Burns. They talked for an hour while I listened to Kyle's CD's. The music was driven by a beat that one could march to. I didn't get to speak to Ian because Burns was at the house. Ian was at the field, of course.

The following night, Maggie's birthday turned into a party in the game room. I had never seen her so happy. Sharon caught me midway through the celebration and thanked me again.

The next few weeks went by very slowly. I kept mostly to myself except for Mel. She was still getting sick. Just the smell of food would often be enough to get her gagging. She was losing weight. Some nights I would take her for a walk in the desert with the hopes that the exercise would improve her appetite. She carried a bucket with her everywhere she went.

Jeb's lighting project went extremely well. The entire bathing area was now lit.

Every week like clockwork, Kyle and I would go on a road trip for food and other assorted items. It became a ritual to select two people from the 'family' and purchase things for them. First, it was Trudy and Mel. Geoffrey gave me ideas for her. Mel was easier. I bought a ton of baby things and hid them in the storage room in anticipation of an eventual baby shower. I also bought maternity wear for her. The 'baby bump' was beginning to show simply due in fact that the rest of her was so gaunt.

On my next trip, I concentrated on Freedom and his brother. Kyle had tons of ideas for the boys. I bought them both clothes and a hand held video game for each of them. Now that we had the generator, recharging was easy. The boys were thrilled. On that trip, I also bought a Vanity for the bathing room and a couch for the game room. We stayed in town for two nights due to the large sized items. I spoke to Ian each week but our conversations were very short. I had nothing to say because other than helping Mel when she was sick, I pretty much kept to myself. There just wasn't anything to say other than I love you and I miss you. I tried very hard to avoid asking any questions that might involve Holly. He in turn didn't offer much in the way of conversation either. It just seemed as though we were drifting apart. It was heart breaking how two people supposedly so in love could have so little to say to each other. I kept my conversations with Burns short as well so he couldn't dwell on my depression. I avoided calling Nate altogether. He was the guy who would walk through fire for me and I couldn't deal with that.

The following week was the first week of June. On this trip, it was Jamie and Violetta that received new clothes. Violetta wanted books and Jamie wanted a video game of his own. I decided not to call Ian at all. It wasn't worth the heartache. Nate called me near the end of our trip. When the phone rang, Kyle answered it. I left him and went in to shop. I didn't care to hang around to hear the conversation. I just didn't care about anything anymore. It had been five weeks since I left Ian, and the time apart had taken its toll. I had become a robot.

Four days after we returned from our last road trip to the caverns, I was sitting in my usual spot near the entrance. I had fallen asleep with my head propped up against the wall. It was a kick that woke me. Someone was kicking my foot. I lifted my head off the wall and opened my eyes. I thought I must be dreaming. Nate was beaming at me.

"Hey, Beautiful!"

"Nate?" Burns was standing behind him.

"In the flesh!" He put his arms out to receive me.

"Oh my God!" I jumped to my feet and flung myself into his arms. "What are you doing here?" I separated myself from Nate and moved to Burns next. He picked me up off the floor like I was rag doll and hugged me.

"I missed Lily so Nate said he'd come with me."

Nate grabbed my hand. "Especially if it means spending time with you."

It was at that moment that I realized that Ian who easily could have come with them was not here. "Where is Ian?"

"He didn't come. Nate asked him. He told him that we were going and if he wanted to come to."

I hadn't cried in weeks. I had conditioned myself to not feel. This brought up all those unhealed wounds.

"Excuse me." I pulled my hand from Nate's and I bolted through the tunnels. I ran without thinking where I was going. I ended up in the back field alone. I plopped between the cornstalks and collapsed to the dirt. My eyes were burning with the tears I refused to shed. I was in physical pain. I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I began to cry. I don't know how long I lay there. It was hours. It was Kyle who finally found me. He scooped me up off the ground and carried me to Lily's room. He laid me on the bed and stroked my hair. I curled up in a ball. He lay down beside me and wrapped himself around me. He stayed with me all night. There were several people who came to check on us. Sunny was one of them. Kyle asked her to please understand. She never spoke but she walked away. Nate and Burns came. "How long has she been like this?" Nate asked.

Kyle responded to his question. "You mean dead inside?" It was enough to make them both leave as well. I don't know where Lily and Mel slept but they didn't stay when they saw Kyle trying very hard to console me.

In the morning Kyle waited for me to wake and then he took me by the hand and pulled me to my feet. "You can't give up. Ian has given up. If you give up then there is nothing to fight for. Fight, Wanda. That's all I ask." He walked me to the bathing room. He helped me wash my face and brush my teeth. When we came out of the bathing room, Jeb was waiting for us.

"Mind if I talk to Wanda alone?"

"Sure. I need to check on Sunny." He turned to me. "You'll be all right?"

I just nodded my head. He was gone in a flash. Jeb had his gun in his hand. Either he was on guard duty or he was here to put me out of my misery. I would have preferred the latter.

"Wanda. You have been a life saver here for us in these last six weeks. I know you feel it is your duty to be here for the 'family'. Burns is here now and he plans to stay for a few weeks. I think it's about time you go and claim your guy. Remember when we talked about dropping so low there was only one way to go?"

I looked at him. My eyes were rimmed with red from the hours of tears I had shed. "Up?"

"It's time. Take as long as you need. We _will _be okay."

A glimmer of hope rose slowly through my body. "Are you sure?"

"I'm so sure that I am going with you and so is Jamie. We both wanted to go on the first trip."

I had never hugged Jeb before. I hesitated, and then I threw my arms around him. "Oh, thank you!"

"Now I don't want you going there, and being all wimpy and girly. This is a war. If you want to win this war you need to be tough. Driven. You take what is yours. Do you understand what I'm saying?" I did understand. I had to make sure he knew that I wasn't taking 'no' for an answer.

"What are we waiting for?" It was like the life had been pumped back into me.

I bolted to my room and grabbed my bag. I was stuffing my clothes into the bag when Sunny came to my room.

"Knock knock."

"Sunny. I'm going to get Ian."

"I know. I'm here to help you pack."

"Yeah I guess you want to get rid of me pretty bad."

"On the contrary. If it wasn't for you I'd still be waiting for Kyle to realize what a great relationship we could have. I'm here because you are stuffing your clothes in that bag. You need to look your best when you see him. Wrinkly clothes aren't going to make an impression. Make sure you wear make up. Kyle says you are stunning when you wear make up. Show a little skin. Kyle tells me that you have sexy 'abs'. Wear your hair back like this." She pulled my hair back behind my head and held it as if it were clipped in the back. "You have such a pretty face." It was more than I had heard her say since…ever. She took my bag from me and began to neatly pack my clothes. She had Kyle's bag with her too. She packed more clothes and my make up. "This outfit." She held up a pair of low rise jeans and the eyelet top that came up in a 'V' shape exposing my belly button. "You should let him see you in this."

My brain was still stuck on something she said earlier.

"Kyle told you I had sexy 'abs'?"

"Sure. Kyle tells me lots of things. He even told me that he would marry me right after Ian marries you. So, you see, I have a lot riding on this too. So, Get your sexy abs out there and fight for your man."

I hugged Sunny. "I'll do my best. I promise."

Before we left, I tracked down Burns. "Thank you for coming. I know you'll have a great time with Lily."

"Don't thank me. This was Nate's idea. He said he was tired of watching Ian destroy himself. You see, when he's coaching, he's happy. But the rest of the time, he's miserable. Holly, she's trying really hard to get him to pay attention to her. I haven't seen him do anything but Nate says he doesn't feel that we should let this continue. He says you need to be there. Be with Ian. Nate loves you too and he wants what's best for you. For both of you." I was choked up. I hugged Burns tightly. "Go get him, Sis. I want to walk you down the aisle."

When I got to the main cavern everyone was there who was going. Mel and Jared hugged both me and Jamie good bye.

"You and Jeb are in charge of Jamie. Watch him close. No more accidents!" Mel ordered.

Kyle was there too. He pulled me into a big bear hug. He kissed me on the cheek. "I love you. I'm going to miss you more than you know. Hopefully the next guy you smell up close will be the one you love." The lump in my throat had risen so I couldn't talk. I just nodded. My tears were so thick I was blinded by them.


	11. Chapter 11

**This is a short Chapter but I couldn't bring myself to mar it by adding to it. Savor it.**

Fight for Me

I was running like the wind towards the jeep. Nate was running beside me. Jeb and Jamie were behind us. It was as if I couldn't get there fast enough.

When we got to the van, Nate drove.

"I don't want to go to the campground. Is there a hotel near the campground where we can stay? There's only four of us. We can squeeze into one room. Jamie and Jeb can share the bed. Nate, you can take the couch and I'll take the floor. It will still be better than the campground."

Nate drove as long as he could without pulling over. He pulled to the side of the road so I could switch places and get gas. Then he jumped right back in the driver's seat. He drove twelve hours straight before exhaustion caused him to find a hotel. We reached the hotel at nearly dawn. I told the clerk that my husband and I had driven all night to get to a family reunion and that we were fearful of getting into an accident. They didn't question the story. The room was adequate. Jeb refused to sleep in the bed, so I ended up sleeping with Jamie. We slept until nearly noon. I took a shower, washed my hair, put it up away from my face, took my time putting on make up and donned the outfit that Sunny had advised me to wear. We should have waited for the cover of nightfall but that was hours away and I didn't want to arrive at the mountain at midnight. The hotel had brought us closer to the mountain than the campground. We only had five more hours to drive. I backed up the van as close to the door as I could. The humans rushed quickly from the room to the van. I stopped at a fast food restaurant and ordered food for us. I ate while driving. I didn't want to waste even one minute. I put on the head phones and stuck Kyle's raging music into the CD player. It gave me the focus and drive I needed to win the war.

As we pulled into the town that Burns called home, my stomach began to knot up. I stopped at a traffic light and a woman came running towards the van. "Someone's coming towards me. Hide." There was a metal plate that separated the front of the van from the back. It rose as high as the console so the three of them scooted up against the plate and ducked as low as they could. I leaned out of the window as far as I could to keep her from sticking her head inside the van. I pulled the headphones off my ears, and let them hang around my neck.

"Excuse me, aren't you Burns' niece?" She asked. She was out of shape and out of breath from running to catch the van.

"Yes. My name is Rainbow Ashes. Most people call me Ashley. It's more human."

"Nice to meet you, Ashley. Burns left a few days ago. He said he'd be back in a few weeks. "

"I know. I'm starting college in the fall and I have a ton of reading that I need to accomplish for my English major. He told me that I could stay at his place because I need the peace and quiet to concentrate."

"Oh." She seemed surprised but satisfied with my answer. "If there's anything you need, my name is Fluttering. Fluttering in the Wind."

"I'm sure I'll be fine. Thank you though for your concern."

I rolled the window up half way and pulled through the green light.

"Damn, that was close!" Jamie whispered.

"Good thinking on the fly!" Nate commended me. "That's my girl!"

It was after dinner when we pulled into the driveway and around to the back of the house. I jumped out of the van as soon as I brought it to a stop leaving the keys in the ignition. I bounded up the back stairs and through the door. Megan and Sarah were lying on the floor in front of the television watching some youth oriented sitcom. They turned to look at me when they heard the door slam.

"Wanda! You're back!"

"Where's Ian?" I wasn't in the mood for small talk.

"At the ball field, where else?"

I was out the door and back to the van in a matter of seconds. Nate, Jeb, and Jamie were out of the van now. I walked directly to Nate. "Can you please get everyone out of the house? Tell them to come back tomorrow." It was an order, not a request.

"Uh, sure." Nate replied.

"Okay." I walked away towards the cave. I was walking briskly but I wasn't running. I didn't want to be out of breath by the time I got to Ian. When I got to the mouth of the cave I turned left and cut through the play ground and continued towards the field. As I entered the field from the far side I could see Ian at home plate with one of the boys. Holly was standing beside him. My heart began to beat faster. I could hear the angry music from Kyle's CD in my head. It had caused me to walk in a very deliberate beat. It was like I was marching on the enemy. I saw Ian look up at me. He said something. Holly said something as well and then she began to come towards me. Ian just stood there holding a bat horizontally in both hands. He was frozen like a stone. Holly met me in the outfield.

"He doesn't want you here." She hissed.

"He'll have to tell me that himself." I growled.

She was walking backwards now to keep pace with my forward momentum. "He's better off with me and you know it." She snarled.

Something snapped inside of me. I never took my eyes off of Ian to see her face, but I shoved her hard in the chest. I guess my forward momentum and her backward momentum contributed to the force in which she hit the ground. I saw Ian flinch as I heard the thud of her crumpling to the grassy outfield. He said something to the boy, it was Blake, I could see now. Blake backed up about ten feet leaving Ian standing alone. Ian looked bigger than I remembered. The T-shirt he was wearing was tight on his body. The muscles in his arms and chest were pumped up and strong. He was gorgeous. When I reached Ian I put my hands on the bat between his and gently pulled the bat away from him. I held it out to Blake. "Take this please." I grabbed Ian by the wrist. I turned and dragged him back in the direction I had come. He didn't fight me.

"Where are we going?" He asked.

"It's my turn now," I hissed.

He followed me in silence as I dragged him still holding his wrist all the way back to the house. I marched up the stairs not letting up on my hold. I pulled him through the back door, through the now empty living room, and into the bedroom. I pushed him onto the bed, shut the door, and locked it. I turned to him. He looked lost. I took a deep breath as I put my hands on my hips.

"Wanda, I..."

I held up my hand to stop him from talking.

He fell silent again. I took another deep breath. I was summoning all of my strength to fight the war.

I spoke very slowly and deliberately. I wanted to make sure every word was heard. "Since I came to this planet I have endured more crap than anyone I know, soul or human. I have been beaten, … battered,…strangled,…and nearly drowned. You know what hurts even more than any of those things? A broken heart. Damn it! There is NO reason why I should be feeling this way! I DON'T DESERVE IT! I came back here to get you back. If you don't fight for me now, then you will never see me again. No one will ever see me again. I will go wherever and live a mundane life among the souls and pray everyday for death to take me. The ball is in your court."

He sat there. He didn't move.

I slapped him hard in the face. "Fight, Ian!"

I slapped him again. My hand was throbbing. "Fight for me damn it!"

I swung to slap him again and he grabbed my wrists and backed me up against the door with my wrists pinned above my head.

"If I fight for you, you might regret it. I can be a demanding son of a bitch."

"I'll take my chances."

"If I kiss you now I won't be able to stop."

"Fight for what you deserve, for what we both deserve."

My wrists were still pinned above my head. His eyes had been fixated on mine but now they dropped to my lips. He leaned in and kissed me. It was explosive. I thought about when Mel and I had been in the desert dying and Jeb came upon us and poured the water to our lips. We couldn't get enough to satisfy our thirst and soften our parched lips. Ian was like that now. His mouth was moving so quickly, tasting, licking, biting. He released my wrists and I combed my hands through his hair. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me off the floor. I wrapped my legs around his waist. He turned and walked towards the bed. He placed me gently on my back and leaned over me, slowly crawling over me till he was straddling my body.

He put his lips to my ear. "Are you sure about this?"

"Yes." I whispered.

He sat up still straddling me, and pulled off his shirt. I was stunned. I reached out to touch him. His chest was like warm steel.

He leaned back down and kissed me again. Now his tongue slowed. He was regaining the control he had previously lost. He unbuttoned my blouse while his tongue slowly caressed mine. He put his hand around my neck like he was going to strangle me but he moved his lips to my jaw line and then to my neck. He kissed my neck and my whole body began to tingle with excitement. He released my neck groped at my breast.

He brought his face back to mine. He looked me directly in the eyes. "You are absolutely positive about this? You won't be a little girl anymore."

There were so many things I could come say to this comment but I was afraid that any answer might change the course we were on now. So I said the only thing that made sense. "I love you." I whispered.

He leaned in and kissed me for a few brief seconds. Then he jumped backwards off the bed. The unbuttoned his pants, unzipped the zipper, and slid them off. Then he slid off his boxers. I had never seen a man fully naked before except in the memories that Mel shared of Jared. Jared did not compare to what was standing in front of me. Greek gods would be jealous. He reached to my pants. They were low rise so they only came up to my hips. He didn't even try to unbutton them. He pulled them down to my knees in one try. He slid them off of my legs and then he did the same with my panties. I felt very conscious of my own nakedness as he paused to stare at me. "Beautiful." He murmured as he climbed back onto the bed beside me. I turned towards him and he kissed me tenderly. His free hand traveled from my face, his fingers tracing their way down my neck, across my breasts, and to the center my back. He continued to the small of my back, around the contour of my buttocks, and grabbed my thigh. He pulled my leg over his torso and began to touch me in places I had never been touched before. My body became rigid out of fear of not knowing how I was supposed to react.

"Relax." He whispered. "I love you." This helped a lot. "Close your eyes. Enjoy what you feel." His lips touched mine. It was the slow burn kiss. I began to really enjoy everything I was feeling and just when I thought I would explode…..he took me.

I had Mel's memories to help me but memory and the real thing are not quite the same. I tensed up as he entered my body.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

He moved slowly and carefully.

"Breathe Wanderer," he pleaded.

I exhaled sharply and managed a smile.

When it was over, he collapsed on top of me for about ten seconds. Then he rolled off of me onto his back. He seemed exhausted. We were both trying to catch our breath.

He found my hand and pulled it to his lips and kissed it gently. "Did I hurt you?"

I couldn't admit that in the first minute it _did _hurt. So, I lied. "No, not at all."

"Liar." He rolled towards me. "It won't hurt as much next time. I promise." He spoke as if he knew from experience. I didn't want to dredge up anything from the past that might take away from this moment.

"How do _you _feel?" I asked as I leaned over and laid my chin on his chest. He had only been concerned about me.

"You healed me." His answer caught me by surprise. "My heart, no my whole being was shattered into pieces. You put them back together. Now I'll never let you go."

"Good." I began to trace the deep lines his chiseled muscles created on his chest.

He ran his fingers up and down my spine. It made my body tingle. I shivered.

"Are you cold?" He asked.

"No." It was quiet for a few minutes. "You know what I want to do?"

He lifted his head. "Get married?"

"Well, yes. But I meant right this second."

He rolled me over onto my back and leaned over me. "What do you want to do this second?" He pulled my leg over his hip.

"Well, I wanted to jump in the Jacuzzi but if you have other plans." I giggled. I hadn't giggled in I can't remember when.

He slowly ran his tongue over his lower lip. "I _do_ have other plans."

We made love for the second time, and he was right. It was much more enjoyable for me this time.

This time we snuggled when we were done. "You know those kids are probably wondering if you killed me."

"Well, not yet. Can you die of exhaustion?" I smiled.

"You really clocked Holly."

"She deserved it."

"You know, she's really a nice girl."

"Yeah, and Nate is really a nice guy. You want me to go and hang around with him?"

"Nope. You are my property now."

"And you are mine."

"How about that Jacuzzi?"

"Sounds perfect."

We ran naked through the empty house into the bathroom. The Jacuzzi was heavenly. It was there that we made love for the third time.

After we stole our way back to the bedroom and collapsed on the bed Ian started to chuckle. "What's so funny?"

"I was just thinking about when you were marching towards me at the field. When Blake saw you he said you looked pissed and he was right. You did. When you took that bat from me I thought you were going to kill me with it."

"I considered it but then what would be the point of winning the war?"

He turned and leaned on his elbow to face me. "What war?"

"The war to bring you home."

He sighed and collapsed on his back again.

"I like it here Wanderer." He spoke softly.

"I know you do. But it's not our home." It had been a wonderful night up until now. This was the problem being dredged up yet again.

"Well you belong to me now and I say you stay here with me."

"I have a commitment Ian."

"To me!" He sat up. "Burns is happy with Lily. Let him stay there with her. There. Problem solved."

"Sounds great but what about Burns? This is _his_ house. He's lived here his whole life."

"Wanderer I can't live without you now and I know I won't be happy stuck in the caverns all summer long."

"Look. We don't have to leave for a couple of weeks. Let's just try to stretch this out for as long as we can. Okay?"

"Okay, but if I can figure out a way to get you to stay with me. Will you stay?"

"If I had my way, I'd never get out of this bed!" I pushed him down and climbed on top of him. "Come on Superman!"

"You're gonna kill me!" He groaned.

"Then you'll die a happy man."

We made love for the fourth time before curling up in each other's arms and falling asleep.


	12. Chapter 12

**I have changed my rating to "M" after posting the last chapter. After all, Wanderer is no 'little' girl anymore. Much love to all of you who continue to remind me why I write. - NL**

Boundaries

When I woke in the morning I was laying on top of Ian who was sprawled out across the bed. As I sat up I smiled at the memories of Ian and the way he always slept. I missed that. He was dead to the world. I got up and picked up his dirty T-shirt from the floor and put it on. I opened the door just a crack to see who might be in the living room. All was quiet. I sprinted to the bathroom. I took a quick shower and brushed my teeth. I was so happy I was humming with joy. I left the bathroom wrapped in a towel and slipped back into the bedroom. Ian looked so beautiful. I just had to get back in the bed and wrap myself around him. He was warm. The coolness of my freshly washed skin touching him roused him from his sleep. "Jeez girl, you're cold!"

He slipped out from under me and stood up. "I'll be right back." He grabbed the towel I had left lying on the bed and wrapped it around his waist and left the room. About ten minutes later he came back. His hair was wet. He climbed onto the bed and shook his dripping head like a dog spraying me with his wetness. "Ian!"

He collapsed onto my body and wrapped himself around me. Then he rolled over so I was on top of him. "Good morning beautiful."

"Don't call me beautiful." I was being obstinate.

"Why not?"

"Cause that's what Nate calls me." I said flatly.

"Should I be jealous?"

"Absolutely, I'm losing my virginity to him tomorrow." I smiled at him. "Seriously, did you know that bringing me here to you was his idea?"

"I don't believe it."

"Believe it. I spoke to Burns before we left. I wanted to thank him and he said it was all Nate's idea. He said Nate couldn't take watching you destroy yourself anymore. He was the one who offered to take Burns to see Lily."

"You're sure about this?"

"I'm going to lie to you?...So, if Nate wants to call me beautiful as a nickname I think I'm going to give him that." I put my finger on his nose. "You'll just have to choose a different nickname." He snapped at my finger with his teeth. "Actually I like it when you call me Wanderer as opposed to Wanda."

"Well, we'll tell everyone to call you by your correct name."

"No. I don't mind being called Wanda by the others. They see me as human and so the name follows suit. But you see me for who I am. That's why I like it when you call me Wanderer." I kissed him lightly on the lips.

"Okay, but I still need a nickname. You hated Babe."

"I hated Babe but I don't mind Babydoll."

"Babydoll, it is. It suits you. So, Babydoll, it's been eight hours since we made love and you don't have any clothes on yet."

"You're right I don't." He grabbed my lower lip with his teeth. Then he pressed his warm lips to mine. And so we made love. During our lovemaking we heard the door slam. We stopped briefly realizing we weren't alone in the house. We tried to be very quiet which just made me giggle. Trying to keep our pleasure quiet was no easy task. I don't really know how quiet we really were because I was caught up in my own primal needs, and I had found throughout the last fifteen hours that the sounds I made really had an effect on Ian. When we were finished we both started to laugh uncontrollably. We were just both so damn happy. We were giddy.

The door slammed again. We could hear voices in the living room now.

"I guess that's our cue to join the living." Ian muttered.

"Okay, Superman. You better put on some clothes or you are never going to make it out of this room."

"Is that supposed to be a threat?" He came over a hugged me tight. I had to peel him off of me before we started all over again. I couldn't believe he made me wait all this time to make love to me. I could just scream when I think of all the missed opportunities.

I put on my babydoll dress that was grey and white with the layers. Ian gave me a wolf whistle. "Are you sure you want to leave this room?"

He lunged for me and I sprinted to the door and squeezed through it before he could catch me. Nate was in the living room with Jeb, Jamie, and Megan. As Ian exited the bedroom Nate called out, "Hello Beautiful!" Ian shot me an annoyed look.

I skipped over to Nate and plopped down on his lap and put my arms around his neck. I had the biggest grin on my face. "Thank you. You are the best!" I kissed him on the cheek.

"Hey now!" Ian barked.

"I'm just glad you're happy." His smile was genuine.

"I am happy." I jumped back to my feet. I floated across the room to Jeb. "Good morning Jeb" I kissed him on the cheek. I danced over to Jamie. "Good morning Jamie!" I gave him a big sister hug.

"Damn. She's just beautiful to watch." Ian said. I assume he was speaking to the others.

"Good morning Megan!" I went to her and hugged her as well even though I had never hugged her before. I would have even hugged Holly today if she were here. Nothing was going to bring me down from my high.

"Wanderer, I'm hungry." Ian announced.

He looked at the others. "Have any of you eaten breakfast yet?"

Jamie answered. "We just had cereal."

"Wanderer will you go in the kitchen and see what we have in the fridge?" It sounded more like an order than a request. I found this unsettling. He _had_ said that if he fought for me that I might not like it because he could be demanding.

"O-kaay."

He heard the uncertainty of my answer.

"I'll be in to help you in a few minutes. Please, Babydoll."

Okay that was better but he obviously wanted to say something to someone in the living room without me being there. I wanted so badly to eavesdrop. I heard the back door slam. Someone really needed to fix that spring. I opened the fridge. I found plenty of eggs and bacon. I went back to the living room just as Ian and Nate were coming back into the living room. Ian looked serious and so did Nate.

"Is everything all right?"

"Yes, let's make everyone some breakfast. What have we got?"

"Bacon and eggs."

We went into the kitchen to prepare breakfast for everyone. "What did you say to Nate?"

"Nothing. I thanked him for bringing you to me." He turned towards me and trapped me against the sink and kissed me. Nate did not look like someone who had just been thanked. I cut the kiss short.

"You're lying."

He tried to look offended but I could see right though it.

"Ian! Tell me what you said!"

"I didn't say anything." He was lying.

"I'm going to ask Nate." I stomped towards the kitchen door. Ian grabbed me and pulled me back.

"Look I don't want you to get mad." He was defending himself.

"What did you say?" I knew this was not going to be good.

"I just said that you were my property now and he was not to touch you."

I was horrified.

"Oh my god. You told him I was your property?"

"Well, yeah. Remember I said you were my property and you said I was your property."

I held my forehead in my hand. I was mortified ."You know what? I'm not hungry." Again I tried to leave the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" He demanded.

"For a walk." I knew he would never let me out of the kitchen while I was angry. I put my arms around his neck. "I love you but you can't bully someone because they like me." I kissed him briefly.

"I'm sorry." He pulled me in for the slow burn. This kiss in the past would have left me dizzy. Now it was a prelude to other things. It took a lot of inner strength to walk away from him.

"I'll see you in a bit."

In the living room I went to Nate and grabbed his hand. "Take a walk with me?" Nate was very hesitant. "Please?"

He got up and I towed him out the back door. I made sure I walked him past the kitchen window in hopes Ian would see us.

"I know what Ian said to you. I forced him to tell me. I'm sorry about that. It was rude of him." I was trying to give him a sincere apology.

"It's okay Wanda. I completely understand. You made your choice and so did he. You _do_ belong to each other. I don't know that I wouldn't have said the same thing had the shoe been on the other foot."

"Thank you. It's just going to take awhile for Ian to believe that I would never do anything to hurt him. You know?"

"I know."

"So, I just want you to know that if I seem distant, it's not because I don't think of you as a friend….a very good friend."

"I know. Be happy."

"I love you."

"I love you too." I hugged him for a long time. He kissed the top my head.

We parted ways and I headed back to the house. I sat on the back porch for a while. After a few minutes, Ian came out with a plate in hand. "You have to be hungry after all the exercise you had last night and this morning." He leered at me playfully.

I snatched the plate from him. "This better be good." I pretended to still be angry.

"Hey, when it comes to cooking I'm better than good…"

"I'm the best." I chimed in so we said it in unison. Gee where had I heard _that_ before? Ian and Kyle were so much alike sometimes it was frightening.

"Thank you Superman." I stood up and carried my plate into the house.

Everyone was enjoying their bacon and eggs.

"So, what's on the agenda for today?" I asked nonchalantly.

Ian turned to Megan, "Aren't you supposed to be in school?"

A tinge of pink shot through Megan's cheeks. "I cut school today."

Ian looked like an angry father.

"I didn't want Jamie to have nothing to do Coach. I was trying to be a good hostess." She smiled a brilliant smile at Ian.

I could see Ian's hardness melt before my eyes. I had to turn my head so he couldn't see me smile.

Jeb offered his opinion. "Now there's nothing wrong with missing a day of school. We'll call it a sick day. Tomorrow you will both go to school."

Jamie was too quick to reply. "Tomorrow is Saturday."

I burst into laughter.

"Wanderer!" Ian yelled at me.

"What? It was funny!" I couldn't stop chuckling.

Ian took control again. "Go to school, both of you!"

Jamie tried again to weasel his way out of school. "But Jeb said…"

"NOW!" Ian roared.

Megan jumped to her feet and headed quickly to the door. Jamie, on the other hand was spoiled and used to Ian and he didn't have the fear that Megan had. He muttered, "Not fair, I'm on vacation." Then he trudged sullenly towards the door.

Once they were out of earshot Ian turned to me. "You never finished high school, did you? Maybe you should go with them."

"Nuh-uh. I'm not a little girl anymore remember?" I threw his own words back at him.

"You surprised me Ian. I didn't think you had it in you to be a Dad." Jeb said as he stood up.

"Right. Can you just see Wanderer as a mother?" He shook his head.

"Oh, sure. Something happens to a woman when she gets pregnant. That whole mother instinct just kicks right in. I've seen it a hundred times." Jeb replied confidently.

"Could we _please _talk about something else?" It had suddenly dawned on me that Ian and I had practically non-stop sex in the last fifteen hours with no birth control. I wanted to be a Mom someday but not today.

"Listen, I am going to take a quick road trip into town. I'll be back this afternoon. I'll meet you at the cave for lunch?" I was directing my question to the both of them.

"Sounds good to me." Jeb retorted. He was quick. He knew exactly what I was talking about.

Ian on the other hand, Greek god that he was, didn't grasp my sudden urgency to go to town. "Why are you going to town?"

Jeb rescued me. "I'll tell you on the way to the ball field. Kiss your _woman _good bye." He walked silently as only Jeb could towards the back door.

Ian put his arms around me and pulled my chin up so I could see his eyes. "Are you okay?"

"I _will _be." He still didn't get it. I kissed him tenderly. "I love you. I'll be fine. I'll see you at lunch."

I drove into town and visited the local healer. I explained to him my present situation saying I had attended a party prior to my visit here. I had been foolish and needed a pill. He was understanding and non judgmental as any soul would have been. He suggested that I protect myself in the future. I took him up on the offer. I decided that I would protect myself from pregnancy until I was officially Mrs. O'Shea.

When I got back to the cave for lunch, Ian was not there yet. Megan and Jamie were there. Nate was there too but he avoided me. Megan came to me. "Thanks for sticking up for us in front of Coach."

"You didn't need me. You melted his big heart!" I said with assurance. I turned to Jamie. "You need to keep your big trap shut!"

"Sorry Wanda." He hugged me.

The ladies had made hot dogs and baked beans for lunch. I wasn't very hungry after my late bacon and eggs breakfast. I ate only one hotdog. Jamie and Megan stuffed themselves. It was nice to see Jamie interacting with someone his own age. I wondered where Sarah was though. When she did appear she headed straight for Nate. It sill made me chuckle to see her stalk Nate.

When Ian _did _finally arrive for lunch, he was mobbed by Blake, Carlos, and Dean. They were his brat pack. They wanted to make sure they were getting their practice time with the coach.

I waited patiently for Ian to break free from his boys and come to me. I didn't want to rock the boat. I wanted the boys to like me.

When Ian finally came to me his expression was so cute. "I'm so stupid! I didn't have a clue as to why you were going to town!"

"It's okay. I'm good now. I'm yours for the afternoon."

He mistook my meaning. "Um. I promised the boys I'd coach them."

I giggled. "No, silly! I meant I want to see what you do on the ball field. You can coach me too!"

He was being playful now. "I don't think you need any coaching." He gazed into my eyes with a wicked look.

He finished his lunch. We had a few minutes of personal time which we spent gazing into each others eyes and stealing kisses to the chagrin of his 'pack'.

As we walked back to the field, Ian was flanked by the big boys, Blake and Carlos. I couldn't get next to him so I used my wits and I jumped on Ian's back and he carried me piggy back to the field. I was so happy it didn't seem fair. I was almost afraid that a freak bolt of lightning might come and strike me dead. When we got to the field I saw that Holly was sitting on the bench waiting. I didn't remember seeing her at lunch. I guess that she had been here this morning and had waited for his return.

"Let me down." I patted Ian on the back. He dropped my legs and I slid to the ground. My dress slid up to my waist so I was glad that I put a pair of shorts under my dress when I returned from my trip to town.

I walked towards Holly. Ian grabbed my hand and pulled me back.

"It'll be okay." I reassured him. He let me go but he still looked tentative. I realized that Holly was probably hurting, and even though she felt that I had no right to Ian, I would still try to smooth her feathers, and attempt friendship.

"Hey, Holly." I sat next to her. She scooted away from me and looked off into the field. "I'm sorry I pushed you yesterday." She didn't answer. "Can we go for a walk?"

She snapped her head towards me. "For what?" she said bitterly.

"I just wanted to talk to you."

"You don't belong with him. You are a parasite." Ian had apparently been listening intently and his head snapped in our direction when she said this. Without looking at him, I held up one finger to keep him at bay. Her comment stung. I hadn't been called a parasite in a while.

"Regardless of what you think of me, I _would _like the chance to talk to you."

She didn't look at me. She looked at Ian. He looked angry. "You know you can be angry at me but it's not going to change the fact that this parasite is capable of feeling emotions just like humans, and Ian is in love with this parasite."

"But it's not your body." She judged.

"Then who's body is it?" I demanded. "Please, walk with me. I want to tell you a story."

Holly rose to her feet but she seemed hesitant to hear what I had to say. We walked away slowly. "Did you know that Ian has held me in his hands? The 'real' me, I mean."

Holly looked confused. "I would have thought that Ian and Nate would have told you this story but I guess when they brought you back here they were primarily concerned with your welfare, and getting you to feel at home. When I first came to this planet, this was not the body I was originally put into. Do you remember Melanie and Jared, the couple that was here with me on my last visit?"

"Yes, they are a perfect couple." Holly pointed out probably because they were both human.

"I was originally put into Mel's body but she wouldn't let go. She bombarded me with memories of Jared and Jamie until I loved them so much I couldn't bear to be without them. I followed her memories to the desert. We, and when I say we, I mean me and Melanie shared thoughts. We could talk to each other even though I was the one controlling her body. We couldn't find the caverns. We nearly died in the desert. We had had resigned ourselves to the fact that we gave it our best effort and at least with our death the Seeker would never find them. It was Jeb who found us. He saved us. Melanie wanted me to blurt out everything but I knew they would just think of everything as a lie, and surely kill me. I remained silent, and they kept me prisoner. During that time I was slapped by Maggie, who is Mel's Aunt. I was pummeled by Jared. Ian's brother Kyle tried to drown me and Ian…well Ian tried to strangle me to death. He would have succeeded too had it not been for Jeb and his shotgun. Besides Jeb, the only thing that kept me alive was my protective instincts towards Jared and Jamie. I put myself in danger several times to protect them from the anger of the others in the caverns. Ian saw this. It changed him. Instead of my murderer he became mygreatest protector not just physically but emotionally. He was the only one to separate me from Mel on an emotional level."

She seemed genuinely engrossed in my story. "How did you end up in this body then?"

"There was only one secret I kept from them all. It was the fact that I knew how to separate a soul from the human body without destroying the human or the soul. What I didn't know was that they had been capturing my kind and trying to figure out how to do it themselves. Unfortunately, they were murdering both body and soul in their attempts."

"Well, you must have told them then."

"I had made up my mind that I would show them how to do it only if they promised me that they would not hack up the souls they abstracted. We stole cryo tanks and placed the soul into it and returned the cryo tank to the shuttle station where it could be sent to another planet. I knew that giving them this information would mean giving Melanie back her body. Ian didn't know of my plan until the very last minute. He nearly lost his mind. I had made Doc promise to not send me to another planet but rather to let me die and bury me with my other human friends who had lost their lives during my stay in the caverns. Ian had fallen asleep when I snuck away to end my life. Ironically it was Jared who went to him and woke him. He arrived as Doc was removing my body from Melanie's. I'm told that Ian took my body in his own hands and pressed his lips to me as he wept. He put me into a cryo tank, and refused to let me go. Apparently he held me for days while Jared and Jamie searched for another human to put me in."

She was deep in thought before she asked. "You mean humans can be brought back?"

"Not all humans. Most just fade away and give the body to the soul without a fight. But some, usually those who are either older and were human for a long time or those who lived as rebels after the initial takeover are strong and they know the consequences. They fight for their survival even after being taken over. That's what Mel did."

"So how do you know that some don't come back?" Holly asked.

I sighed. "Did you know that Ian has a brother?"

"Yes, Kyle. He thought you slept with him."

Great. This she knows. "When Kyle found out I could remove a soul from a body he took off to find his love. The soul came willingly because her memories of Kyle were strong. She loved him. The soul was removed and placed in a cryo tank. They waited for days for the body to come to life but it never did. The body was comatose. They tried everything. Finally Kyle asked that they put Sunny back into Jodie's body because he felt sorry for Sunny because she begged him to let her stay. When they took the soul out of this body they waited to see if the original owner would emerge. She didn't so they put me in."

"So, Ian chose this body?"

"No, actually it was Jamie who chose this body. Ian wouldn't leave the cryo tank that contained the 'real' me."

"Wow, that's some story."

"Yes, it is."

"I'm still jealous." She was being brutally honest.

"I accept that." I paused. "Shall we head back?"

"I don't think I should."

"Ian would expect you to be there. He thinks of you as a friend."

"I just need time alone. Will you tell him that?" I thought about what had happened this morning with Nate and how I felt when Ian lied about his conversation with him. I was afraid Ian wouldn't believe me.

"I'll tell him but you should make sure he knows that I didn't tell you to stay away." She turned away as I added, "I'd like to be your friend too." She continued walking towards the cave.

I walked quietly back to the field. Ian was pitching to Sarah. Jamie, Megan, and little Ben were there as well. When he saw me, he called Carlos in to pitch. He jogged over to where I was. "What did you say to her?"

I thought if I started with a joke it would ease the tension. "I told her you were my property and to keep her hands off of you." He looked straight up at the sky and blew out a big breath. When he looked back at me, I was smiling. "Silly I didn't tell her that."

"Then what did you tell her?"

"I told her a love story. A love story between a human and a soul."

"You told her our story."

"Yes. I was surprised that you never told her."

"Honestly, I didn't talk much at all."

"Hmmm."

"Well, what did she say?"

"She said she needed time alone. I wasn't mean to her, I swear." I looked at him sincerely.

"I believe you." He took my face in his hands and he kissed me. "You're not a parasite."

I smiled. "So, Coach. What are we doing today?"

"_You_ can grab a glove and go warm up with Megan."

Ian turned and called out to Megan. "MEGAN! WARM UP WANDERER!"

"OKAY COACH!"

Megan and I moved over to the side of the outfield and began playing catch. We started about ten feet apart. After every twenty throws we backed up two steps until we were pretty far apart and had a hard time reaching each other. Megan explained that if either of us missed the catch then both of us had to do five push ups. No wonder he's so strong. He's been doing mass quantities of pushups for the last six weeks!

It took us fifteen minutes and a lot of pushups to complete the warm up. Megan ran up to Ian who was giving little Ben batting tips. He was trying to hit it off of a tee ball stand. He gave Megan instructions and she ran back to me.

"Coach says he wants you to take third. Tell Carlos to go to the outfield behind you."

I did what Coach asked.

Little Ben was only five years old but already Coach had snapped him into shape. He did exactly as instructed and he was hitting well. He hit one in my direction. I waited for the ball to get to me and threw it to first base. It bounced into first. I didn't have the arm strength for that distance. Coach called out to me. "Wanderer, you have to charge that ball. Don't wait for it to come to you." I stuck my tongue out at him. "Young lady, you can take a lap for that."

I was shocked. "I am _not_ taking a lap!"

"Then get off my field." He was adamant.

"You mean it, don't you?" I called to him.

He marched out to me and stopped about two feet in front of me. "I don't force anyone to come here. This is my field. If you want to be a better ball player, then you do it my way. Is that clear?"

I wanted to cry.

"Take a lap Wanderer."

"I threw my glove on the ground." I was incensed.

"Pick up the glove. Carry it with you." He was serious.

I walked to the bench. I put the glove down and I walked off the field. My eyes stung. The tears were welling to the surface. I didn't turn to see if Ian was coming after me. I saw that someone was coming towards me from the direction I was walking in. It was Nate. The tears were streaming down my face.

"Hey Beautiful!" He called to me.

I put my head down and tried to wipe the tears from my face.

"Hey? What's wrong?"

I tried to walk past him but he grabbed me around the waist to stop me. "Wanda, talk to me!"

"It's Ian! Why is he being so mean?" He was holding my hands and I was trying to pull away. I just wanted to flee.

"Oh." He seemed to understand.

I looked back, Ian and Jamie were arguing.

"Look, it's just his coaching style. It's nothing against you personally. It's about respect. Jamie is arguing with him now. If he can't control the field then he loses all respect and then no one will learn because they will only listen when they want to. Wanda, you have to run. If you love him, you will run. You'll destroy him if he can't coach these kids."

"Okay, okay!" I turned and I started to run back to the bench. Ian and Jamie stopped arguing and watched me. I grabbed my glove and started to jog around the perimeter of the field. When I was done I jogged back to Third base and wiped my tears with my forearm.

He stepped towards me and said aloud "Thank you." He continued towards me. "Does anyone else have any problems with me?"

They all yelled "NO!"

"All right, let's continue. Ben, go ahead." He ordered. Ian walked up to me and kissed me on the cheek. I didn't dare move.

He put his face to my ear. "I'll make it up to you. I love you."

By this time Nate was by the sidelines. "COACH! Can I talk to you for a second?"

Ben continued to hit the ball as the two of them talked. I wasn't sure if the conversation was about me or not. When they were done, Nate yelled out to me. "Hang in there, Beautiful!" Then he turned and walked away. Ian ignored the comment but I knew it bugged him.

At the end of practice he had us do some running drills and relay races. Then we all had to 'take a knee' while he spoke. "Tomorrow Nate is arranging for a game for all of us if it doesn't rain." The kids all cheered. "Everyone here will have the opportunity to play."

"Even me?" Ben asked.

Ian smiled at Ben. "Even you."

One more thing before we go. "I want to apologize to this beautiful lady here. I was very harsh with her today. Even though she was very angry with me, she respected me and I can't ask for anything more from her or from any of you." He looked at me. "Wanderer, I'm sorry. I'll take my lap now." He turned and tucked his glove under his arm and started to run the perimeter of the field.

The kids all left the field while I waited for Ian to complete his lap. When he got back, he packed up the bats and excess equipment and packed it away into a very large bag that I'm sure I couldn't even have lifted. He dropped the bag when he came back to where I was standing. "Do you forgive me?"

"Yes, but only because of what you said to the kids just now."

"Good." He paused. "If you don't want to come to practice anymore; you don't have to. I'll understand."

This made me mad. "Are you kidding me? I did not go through all that humiliation to quit!"

"Okay!" He was being defensive.

I marched on in silence. I was angry. Who was he tell me to quit? To even give me the option? Damn him!

I went straight to the house. Ian took the equipment to the root cellar. By the time he came into the house I was already in bed even though it was only dinner time. He knew I was protesting but he tried to ignore it.

"Babydoll, do you want to jump in the Jacuzzi with me?"

"No, I'm tired."

He came around to my side of the bed and got down on his knees so that he could be face to face with me. "I'm a jerk. Okay? When it comes to baseball, I get into a zone. I appreciate that you want to be a part of it. I love you." He got up and kissed my forehead.

Then he grabbed a pair of boxers and headed for the bathroom. I couldn't stay mad at him. I got out of the bed and followed him.

So that night I learned when it came to baseball he was in charge, but when it came to everything else, Ian did pretty much anything I asked.

Saturday, when I woke up it was raining and Ian was up and gone. I got up to go to the bathroom. Megan, Sarah, and Jamie were in the living room watching Saturday morning cartoons. I figured since it was raining, they would probably be camped out there all day.

"Do you know where Ian went?" I asked as I scratched my head. I needed a haircut. My curly mop was getting difficult to control.

"He's in the kitchen. He said if you came out to tell you to go back to bed."

Okay, I could do that but I needed to go to the bathroom first and I might as well brush my teeth while I was in there. I crawled back into the bed and stared out the window at the rain. This place was so different from the desert. The window was open a few inches and the sound of the rain was soothing. After a few minutes Ian came in carrying a tray with breakfast sausage and French toast. It smelled heavenly.

"Good morning, Babydoll. I made you breakfast. I would say that I did it just because I love you but the truth is I still feel bad about being so hard on you yesterday."

"Well, do me a favor and hang on to that guilt because I'm starting to like this." He sat next to me on the bed and watched me eat.

"Aren't you going to eat?" I asked.

"I already did. As a matter of fact I need to go clean up the kitchen. Maria gets angry when there are dirty dishes left in the sink." He kissed me and got up to leave. There was loud knock at the front door. Ian froze. "Crap, someone's here!" he whispered.

"Get the kids! Hurry!" I ordered.

Thankfully I was already dressed because seconds later, Ian, Jamie, and the girls came barreling into the bedroom. They all slumped to the floor between the bed and the wall. Megan whispered, "Wanda, don't forget to pull the shades!"

I bolted into the living room and pulled the shades that faced the back of the house. There was another knock. "Coming!" I took a deep breath, and opened the door slowly. It was Fluttering in the Wind.

"Hi!" I sounded surprised because I was. She was holding a bunt cake.

"I'm sorry to come by unannounced but I didn't have your phone number. I saw you going into the healer yesterday. I was worried you might not be well." What does she hang out on the street corner? She was expecting me to ask her in. This would be very risky. I could only hope the others would not make a sound.

"Come on in!" I said loudly. I led her to the couch and lowered the sound on the TV but I didn't mute the sound completely in order to create background noise just in case.

"It took you a while to answer the door. I hope I didn't disturb you." She placed the cake on the coffee table and sat daintily on the couch. I sat next to her and I noticed Jamie's video game shoved behind the throw pillow.

"Sorry I was in the bathroom running a bath. I guess I didn't hear you right away."

"Oh. I'm sorry, I won't keep you then. I brought this cake for you."

"Thank you. That's very sweet of you. It's too bad I've already eaten breakfast." I tried to sound gushy.

"Well then, you just save it for later." She was being polite.

"Are you sure? I could cut you a piece." Now I was being polite.

"Well, maybe just a small piece."

"Of, course! Would like some milk with that? I don't have any coffee. I need to do a little shopping." I had coffee but I didn't want to have to wait for a pot of coffee to brew.

"Milk will be just fine." She smiled.

"I'll be right back." I rushed into the kitchen and poured two glasses of milk and grabbed two plates, two forks, and a knife. I put them on a tray like the one Ian had served to me and rushed back out to the living room. I cut us each a piece of cake and sat back down.

She looked at me with serious eyes now. "You _are_ okay, aren't you?" Damn she's nosy. I might as well stick with the truth.

"Oh, yeah. Just a woman thing, you know? More preparation for college."

"Oh…." Then she understood. "OH!" I'm sure it was my imagination but I could have sworn I heard Ian smirk.

"So, what is it that you do in town?" I asked because I was curious as to what she could possibly do that would allow her to stare out the window half of the day.

"My calling is hairdresser."

"Hmm...I've been thinking about getting a haircut. Maybe I'll stop in."

"I could do it for you now!" She gushed.

I needed to think fast. "No, no. You didn't come here to work. I'll come to you."

"Sure, when you come to town to buy the coffee." Her attention was pulled briefly towards the television. "I thought someone was here with you but I guess it was the cartoons."

I chuckled trying to cover my nervousness. "Back home, I have a little brother. He watches cartoons all the time. He kinda got me into it."

"I see." She didn't have anywhere else to go with the conversation and I wasn't trying to continue the conversation either. "Well, I guess I should be on my way. I'll expect to see you soon for that haircut."

"Absolutely. Thank you for the cake. It was delicious." I walked her to the door. "Oh! Let me give you my phone number for next time." I didn't want her to surprise us again. I wrote the number on a scrap of paper.

When I closed the door behind her I backed my body against it and I didn't move until I heard the car door shut. Then I sprinted to the bedroom and opened the door. There on the floor Ian sat with his arm wrapped around Sarah. Jamie had his arm wrapped around Megan and she had her head on his shoulder. They all looked up at me at the same time. I put my finger to my lips. I went back to the kitchen to look out the window. I watched her drive away. I felt like my pulse had stopped when she was here and only now did I feel the blood rush back into my extremities. I darted back to the bedroom. "It's okay. She's gone."

Everyone let out a huge sigh. Ian got up and put his hands on my face. "You were good. I am so proud of you." He kissed me quickly and put his forehead to mine. "You're amazing."

He turned his attention back to the others. "You kids can go back to watching TV but stay quiet in case she thinks of a reason to come back. We'll keep the shades down a bit longer."

"I'll go finish the dishes so I can keep an eye on the road." I couldn't chance Ian being seen in the kitchen if she _did _decide to come back_._

"That was supposed to be my job," he protested.

"That's okay. Maybe the next time I stick my tongue out at the Coach, he'll kiss me instead of making me run a lap." I teased.

After a while, we put the shades up. No sooner had we finished, Nate came flying through the door.

"What the hell happened?" He was wide eyed.

Jamie spoke. "Wanda had a visitor. We hid in the bedroom. It's okay now."

"Since when does Wanda have friends?" he demanded.

Jamie continued to answer the questions. "It was that crazy lady from town; the one who stopped us at the traffic light."

Nate took a minute to calm down.

"Wanderer was amazing. She even got cake." Ian was bragging.

Nate took a deep breath. "Well, I came up here to let you know that everyone is at the cave and they've asked if Wanda could tell them some of her stories."

Again it was Jamie who spoke. "Oh, tell them the one about the bears! Rides the Beast!"

Ian put his arm around my neck. "Yes, Babydoll. Tell him about how you rode the beast." I elbowed him in the stomach. I could see by the expression on his face that Nate got the joke.

"Come on kids. I'll tell you my best story." I turned my back on Ian and hooked my arm into Jamie's and led him towards the door.

Everyone was at the caves. I told them my bear tale and then Jeb told some stories too. He told stories about me and Mel. It was basically the same story that I had told Holly but from Jeb's point of view. Ian lowered his head when Jeb talked about him trying to strangle me. I kissed his cheek and squeezed his hand. "Can't they leave that part out?" he muttered.

I whispered back to him. "No, because you might not have fallen in love with me otherwise."

It was nice to hear someone else tell my story and when they came to the part about my abstraction from Mel's body, Ian pulled my hair away from my neck and kissed the scar where my true self lay hidden beneath the surface. Some people were shocked but he didn't care. He loved me and that was all there was to it. Jamie came over with Megan in tow and hugged me tight. "I love you, too."

It felt great to have so much love from my family from the caverns. It made me realize that no matter how much better the accommodations were here on the mountain, the people still did everything they could to keep the separation between soul and human. I hoped that Burns was getting treated well at the caverns.

Dinner was phenomenal. The ladies spent most of the afternoon in the kitchen preparing pot roast. Ian hadn't eaten a meal like this since before the takeover. It brought tears to my eyes to see the appreciation he gave the ladies in the kitchen. He kissed them all and then chased them out so he could clean up the mess.

After dinner the living room was crammed with people who came to watch a movie due to the rain. Like in the caverns, there were many couples. I wasn't alone this time though, and I noticed that Jamie wasn't either. Megan was still with him just as she had been this morning. I felt so stupid that it took me all this time to pick up on the fact that they had a crush on each other. As I lay back in the strong arms of my own crush, it warmed my heart to see Jamie and Megan looking so adorable together. I couldn't wait to tell Mel and Jared.

Jeb was here too. He was sitting with Maria. They seemed to be getting along very well.

The night ended in the best way possible. I was in a romantic embrace with the man who in my eyes was the hottest guy on the planet.


	13. Chapter 13

All too often, we look at people and try to force ourselves to see who we want them to be instead of who they really are.

**I'm still posting, I only hope you are still reading….**

Ice

Although Sunday was not rainy, it was still cloudy and the ball field was too wet to play on. Ian wanted to build a dugout for the ball field. He needed wood and supplies. Nate knew where the nearest home improvement store was that was not as far as Irving. So he accompanied me and Ian on the trip. Had I known how this day would turn out, I would have changed something, make that anything.

The day started out normal enough. I drove while the boys sat in the back. They were talking about the one thing they had in common, ME. Ian finally thanked Nate for bringing me back to the mountain. Nate confessed that he had hoped I wouldn't run back to Ian.

"See, Babydoll. I told you I didn't believe it. He just admitted that he had ulterior motives." Ian had been referring to our previous conversation.

I looked in the rear view mirror as I spoke. "Regardless of what Nate hoped, he knew."

"Hey. A guy can dream can't he?" Nate was always the optimist.

"That's the only way you'll have her is in your dreams." Ian snarled.

"Ian, be nice." I scolded. "Talk about something else. Talk about baseball."

So, they began to talk about baseball. After about a half hour the baseball conversation reverted right back to me.

It was Ian who started it. "You were slick choosing Wanderer on your team."

"I knew it would drive you insane." Nate started to laugh. "When she started showing skin, I thought you were going to explode!"

Ian wasn't laughing. "It's too bad you have to resort to cheap tricks to win."

"I'd do it again, too."

I could see this escalating. "Stop it. Both of you, right now or I'll turn around and take you both back." When did I become a mother? In hind sight, I _should_ have turned around.

The Home Wares Inc was in a moderately sized town about an hour from the mountain. Ian had written up a list for me. Inside the store, I located the lumber and plywood easily and had an employee cut it to the size I needed. The lumber needed to fit in the van with the doors closed. The plywood was cut into sheets that would fit in the bed of the van. I had instructions for those to be cut in five by four foot sheets.

Everything was going well until an employee gathering carts and floats in the lot insisted on helping me load the van. He looked to be in his early thirties. He was average in height and average in build. I tried desperately to dissuade him but he wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. I couldn't tell if he was just being nice or if he was trying to strike up a conversation in hopes of getting my phone number. He was not wearing a wedding ring. I spoke loudly to him as I tried to persuade him that I was okay. I took my time opening the back of the van hoping that the boys by some miracle might find a place to hide but I knew it was a lost cause.

I opened the door and Ian grabbed the unsuspecting man in a choke hold and dragged him into the van. The only bit of luck we _did_ have was the fact that we always kept a bottle of chloroform in the van 'just in case'. Nate pressed the rag soaked in chloroform to the man's face while Ian struggled to hold him. Seconds later, the man passed out.

"Wanderer, get the wood in the van." Ian ordered. Nate pulled the sheets of plywood from me as I handed them to him and placed them on the floor of the van while Ian pulled the man's limp body tight up against the side of the van to allow room for the wood. Once the plywood was in, Ian let the man's body flop on top of the plywood. Then he began to help Nate pull the lumber into the van. They were moving faster than I could hand it to them. The last item was a package of roofing tiles that I couldn't even lift off of the float. Ian jumped out of the van, grabbed the package, and tossed it in. He jumped back in and slammed the door shut. I grabbed the bag of nails and raced to the driver's side door. I slid into the seat and shut the door. I was shaking as I started the engine.

Nate called out "Drive like nothing has happened." I summoned everything I could to calm my shakes and put the car in drive. I pulled slowly out of the parking lot. I headed for the nearest entrance to the highway.

I was mad at myself. I should have known better than to bring Nate and Ian with me on this trip, especially after all the trips I made with Kyle in the last six weeks.

"I'm so stupid!" I lamented. "I didn't even think about how big the wood was going to be!"

"It's not your fault." Nate was trying to comfort me. "None of us thought of it."

"But I've done this several times with Kyle. I always remembered with him." I was so upset.

About half way home the man started to regain consciousness. "Give him another dose." Ian ordered. "I don't want him to panic and shred his brain. I need Wanderer to be here with him when he wakes up. She can keep him calm." Nate did as he was told since he was new to this. He had only caught humans, not souls.

When we got back to the house, they carried him to the root cellar. Jeb and I went in with him. Jeb carried a gun with him but I knew he wouldn't use it. Ian felt that Jeb would be less of a threat. Ian stood guard outside. Nate had been trying to call Burns but had no luck getting through. He would have to wait until tomorrow night when he was scheduled to call.

I sat next to Jeb and waited. After about a half hour, the man came to. He was groggy and disoriented. I approached him to comfort him. He grabbed at my arms and pulled me towards him. He looked terrified. "Did those humans hurt you?"

"No. It's okay, relax. They didn't hurt me and they won't hurt you." He turned his head and saw Jeb with the gun. He sat up quickly on the cot and tried to shield me.

Jeb spoke very calmly. "It's okay. I have no intention of shooting you unless you force me to. You wouldn't do anything like that now would you?"

I wiggled my way out from behind the man. "My name is Wanderer and I'm so sorry I got you into this. It was unintentional. I tried to make you go away."

He looked at me and then at Jeb and then back to me. "Why didn't you tell me they were hiding in your van? I would have helped you get the authorities."

"These humans are my family. I am one of them."

"But you are a soul!" He said in disbelief.

"I am. But I am human as well and I am loved by this human family."

"They trick you! They are murderers!"

Jeb stepped forward. "I haven't murdered you, have I? Truthfully, that would be the easy way, but Wanda, she's shown us a different way."

I continued. "Yes, you have a choice. I want you to think about it."

"You mean I can go home?"

I kept my voice soft and soothing. "No. I'm sorry. That is not one of the choices. You would expose us all."

"So, then what _are_ my choices?"

"We can discuss that later. Tell me, what is your name?"

"My name is Ice Conqueror. On this planet they call me Ice."

"You are from the Mists Planet. I spent some time there myself."

A look of recognition came across his face. "What did you say your name was?"

"Wanderer." I blushed.

"I've heard of you."

"Rides the Beast" Jeb blurted out for the corner of the room like a proud father.

"They know?" He was surprised.

"Yes, they know much about me and the many planets I have been to."

"How many planets _have_ you been to?" He was curious now.

"This is my ninth."

He seemed stunned.

There was a knock at the door. Jeb crossed the room to stand guard by the door with gun in hand. Ian entered with a tray of sandwiches, chips, and sodas.

"I hope everyone likes turkey." He set the tray down on the table used for folding clothes. He turned immediately to me and put his hands on my face. "Are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm better now."

He pressed his lips to mine.

Ice Conqueror yelled out. "What are you doing?"

Ian turned calmly to him. "I'm kissing my fiancée."

He backed away from us. He was shocked.

I whispered to Ian. "I think we should play it cool."

"Why?"

"Please?" I wanted him to listen to me.

"Fine." Ian was not happy. "I'll see you tonight then." He stormed across the room and left without looking back.

Jeb spoke. "Don't mind Ian, He's watcha call passionate."

Ice didn't respond. I offered him a sandwich. He grabbed it and a drink and sat on the cot furthest away from us. Jeb and I each took a sandwich and sat on the other two cots. We ate in silence. No one spoke for a long time.

Finally Ice spoke. "You are a traitor," he said quietly.

"How so?" I was curious.

"These humans, they shouldn't be here."

"Why not?"

"Because they are dangerous," he said in a low voice.

"Do you feel threatened by them?"

"Yes."

"Well , they feel threatened by us." I wanted him to see both sides of the coin.

He protested. "They were already killing themselves before we got here."

He played right into my hands. "And yet somehow they survive. Even now, with the invasion six years old, they still fight to survive. And through _all _that, they manage to feel love. Love for a…parasite."

Ice was angry now. "He doesn't love you. He loves the body you possess."

"You don't know how wrong you are," I said confidently.

"Prove it."

"I will but I will let Ian tell _that_ story."

"_Story,_ more like a fairy tale. It's not real."

He was starting to pluck at my nerves. I had to pull out all the stops. "If you had a choice would you prefer to go to another planet?"

"Anything would be better than…_this_!"

"I want to ask you something. Would it bother you if right now, a Healer came in and took my soul from this body?"

His forehead creased. "Why would you do that?"

"To give the body back to its rightful owner."

"That's crazy."

I continued my questions. "Would it bother you, if my soul was then placed in Ian's hands?"

Ice spoke definitively. "He'd probably drop you to the floor and crush you under his foot in disgust."

My turn. "Or _maybe_ he'd marvel at my beauty and tenderly place me in a cryo tank and hold me for days refusing to let me be shipped to another planet."

"You're making this up."

"When Ian comes back, you ask him. I _want _you to ask him."

"Why?"

"Because when I see the love in his eyes; it makes my heart want to burst."

Ice was quiet. He was thinking about what I had said. "So, you've been removed from that body?"

"No. I was placed in this body."

"Ha! I knew it was all a lie." He thought he had won the argument.

"I was taken from someone else's body. Her name is Melanie. You will meet her."

"When?" His curiosity had peaked.

"I don't know. She's not here in this place."

"Where is she then?"

"She is where you are going. You are here only temporarily."

"Why is that?"

"Because it is safer for _all_ of us if you go to where she is. When you get there, you can make your decision."

He was confused. "What decision?"

"Your decision to stay with people like us or to go to another planet. You can take all the time you want to make the decision. Whatever your decision, I promise you won't be hurt."

"Are you their leader?"

I chuckled. Then I went towards Jeb. "No, this is Jeb. He is a leader but not here. He is the leader in the place where you are going."

"Then why is he here?"

"Vacation." Jeb replied with a smirk.

There was another knock at the door. Jeb again crossed to guard the entrance. It was Nate. He stepped in cheerfully. "So, how are we all doing?"

Jeb tapped his gun on the palm of his hand. "Well, I haven't killed anyone yet."

Nate stepped towards me and took my hands in his. "Hey Beautiful, how are you holding up?" He kissed my cheek.

"I'm good."

Ice spoke again. "What is everyone in love with you?"

Nate smiled. "What can I say? She's very lovable." He turned back to me. "Are you going to be okay to stay here tonight? He's calm around you."

"I'll be fine but you know Ian will freak."

"I'll work on him."

I was bored stuck in this room. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure. Anything for you Beautiful."

"Can you bring me my CD player and speakers?"

"Of course." Nate left and came back a short time later with the CD player and assorted items.

"Here you go Wanda. I brought everything I could find."

I found it odd that he did all of this without Ian intervening. "Where's Ian?"

"You know where he is."

"He's at the field?"

Nate took a deep breath. "He said he needed to stay busy. He carried all the lumber there piece by piece."

"Why didn't he drive the van there?"

"The ground is too wet. The van would sink. Don't worry, He got the boys to help him." I wasn't worried about him. I just hated being away from him. "I'll have him bring dinner, okay?"

"Thank you."

Nate slipped quickly back out the door.

"Why does he call you Wanda?" I thought your name is Wanderer."

"Jeb named me Wanda because he said it sounded more human and it's easier to say. Ian is the only one who calls me Wanderer. Oh, and by the way, Nate, the guy who was just here? He's the leader in this place."

"He's kind of young, isn't he?"

"Maybe, but he takes his job seriously."

I set up my CD player and we listened to music. Nate came to check on us again after about an hour and Jeb asked him for a deck of cards. We played gin rummy and Jeb kicked both of our butts. Around six thirty Ian knocked on the door. He brought dinner for all of us, himself included. Dinner consisted of pork chops and applesauce and it was delicious.

"This food is pretty awesome." Ice commented.

"I take it you don't get too much home cooked food?"

"No. I live alone."

This pleased me. It meant that we hadn't ripped him away from a family. After dinner, Ian and Jeb took Ice to the house to use the facilities. Ian returned without Jeb. Apparently Jeb went to check on Jamie. It was my turn to go and use the facilities. Before I left the root cellar, I turned to Ian. "Would you tell Ice our story? He said he would like to hear it from you."

Ian was caught off guard. He wasn't much of a storyteller. "You should tell it. It will sound better if you tell it."

"No, he already knows the basics. He wants to hear _your_ side of it."

I slipped out the door. It was nearly dark and the sky was cloudy. It looked as though it might rain again tonight. I took my time in the house. I was tired of being cooped up all day with nothing to do. The house was full of people. Some were in the kitchen cleaning up while others congregated at the kitchen table. There was a crowd in the living room watching TV. I came to the conclusion that Burns needed a bigger house. I returned to the root cellar when I thought Ian would be through with his version of the story.

"Did I miss the good part?"

Ice was quick to answer. "Yes, you missed the good part. He got all misty."

"Awww!" I put my arms around Ian's neck.

Ian spoke defensively. "I didn't get misty. He's messing with you."

"Well, I still love you."

"I love you too. _All_ of you." He lifted my hair and kissed my scar just as he had done yesterday.

Ice rolled his eyes. "That's disgusting."

Ian just smiled. "So, I hear you were playing cards?"

"Gin rummy again?"

Ian frowned. "How about poker?"

"You'll have to teach me." I replied. So, Ian and Ice taught me how to play poker.

At about nine o'clock Jeb and Nate came back. They were carrying blankets and pillows. "Okay, Ian. Jeb's in, you're out." Nate spoke with authority.

"What?" Ian growled.

"Jeb's sleeping here with Wanda."

"Like hell he is! I'm not leaving. You'll have to put a bullet in me and drag me out."

Ian was ready to fight and I knew he would pummel Nate if given the chance. I tried to reassure him. "Ian, it's okay."

"No, it's not okay. This is how our relationship got screwed up the last time. I am _not_ leaving."

He had a valid point.

Ice was confused. "What do you mean screw up your relationship?"

"The last time Nate split us up like this, he used the situation to worm his way into Wanderer's good graces." Ian explained.

"Ohhh. It all makes sense now." Ice nodded in recognition of the hand holding transaction between Nate and I earlier in the day.

"What do you mean it makes sense?" Ian asked.

I shot Ice a look and quickly shook my head warning him not to let this get out of hand.

"Just the fact that you and Nate don't seem to be best buds." Ice responded.

I had to intervene. The only answer was for Ian to stay. I turned to Nate and put my arm through Ian's at the elbow. "Nate, I think he should stay." I turned to Ice. "You don't mind if he stays instead of Jeb, do you?"

"Not as long as you keep it PG. Besides, at least I can win a hand of cards against Ian."

Ian smiled. "There, you see? Even the prisoner has no problem with me being here."

Nate was not happy about the turn of events. "Could you _not _call him a prisoner?"

"What would you prefer I call him?"

"A guest." Nate tried to sound diplomatic.

Ice jumped in. "Guests can leave."

I needed to stop the arguing. "Everyone calm down! You are giving me a headache!" I walked over and picked up one of the sleeping bags and a pillow. "Nate. Jeb. Thank you for the bedding. We'll see you in the morning."

Jeb was only too happy to leave. Nate was aggravated but I could still get my way with him. "You owe me." Nate directed his comment to me.

"I know," I said in a reassuring voice.

Nate left without another word. Ian looked like the cat that ate the canary. Ice just chuckled.

"Are you sure you are not the leader here? Because you seem to wield a lot of power." Ice noted.

Ian answered. "That's because he's in love with her too."

I shot Ian a look. Ian snapped his jaw shut.

"See that? Right there. Power." Ice pointed out.

"Ice you are _not_ helping. Besides on the baseball field there is only one Superman. I have zero power there." I smiled at Ian. "Let's play some cards!"

We played cards until late into the night. Ice and Ian seemed to get along rather well even if he did think our occasional kisses throughout the evening were disgusting. Ian and I slept on separate cots but we held hands until we nodded off.

In the morning, I was the first to wake. Ice snored lightly. Ian's arms and legs were hanging off the cot. I sat up quietly and waited for the boys to wake. Nate came to unlock the door and I rushed out to head for the bathroom. I showered and changed. When I returned Ian and Ice were both ready to take their turn. Nate had brought a set of his clothes for Ice since they were close in size. Apparently Ian had discussed with Ice the possibilities of him going with Ian to the ball field to build the dugout. Nate agreed that it could be done if Ice was tethered to Ian to prevent a possible escape _and_ if he could get others to be there as well. The thought of allowing Ice to handle tools that could be used as weapons had not escaped my attention. As a soul, Ice was not prone to be violent. In the house Jeb volunteered to go and so did Carl and Evan.

I decided I would do laundry. I hadn't seen Ian do any laundry in the days since I arrived. Jamie was in school with the other kids. They usually finished up around one o'clock. After lunch would be baseball practice.

At lunch, Jamie and Megan arrived at the cave together. It seemed as if they were joined at the hip. I joined them for lunch.

"So, you two seem to be really good friends huh?" I was definitely fishing. Jamie in true Jamie style was the one who answered.

"Megan's my girlfriend" He said proudly.

"Oh! Do Mel and Jared know about this?"

"Not yet. I'll tell her tonight when Burns calls."

"Well, I'm very happy for you both but remember you are only fourteen." I was trying to be the big sister.

"You are only eighteen and Megan is fifteen."

Jamie did not know that I was seventeen but Ian was a man. Jamie was still a boy.

"I just want to remind you that you have your whole life ahead of you. No need to rush anything." How hypocritical was I?

"Don't worry Wanda." Megan spoke with her lilting voice. "I'm not going to do anything I'm not supposed to do."

Thank goodness someone had their head on straight. Ian and Ice and the boys showed up for lunch. They were all in good spirits. After lunch, we all marched back to the ball field. Ice was leashed to the bench as a precaution. Jeb sat with him. Practice went well. Ian ordered me around more than usual and he was tough on me when I didn't perform well. He even made me run a lap for making a bad throw to first base. I ran my lap without an argument because I knew he was trying to prove to Ice that he was the boss.

At the end of practice he wrapped his strong arms around me right in front of Ice and said, "Thank you for being a good sport in front of the kids. I love you." He pressed his lips to mine and gave me the slow burn kiss. It was the first time he had kissed me like this since the day before yesterday. I melted in his arms.

"Oh, come on guys!" Ice protested. He was tied to the bench so he had no where to go. We ignored him. I was too in tune with Ian's tongue to care what Ice thought at that moment, or anyone else for that matter. The kiss ended with our foreheads pressed together.

"You're welcome." I whispered.

"Would you like to help me pack up the gear?"

"Sure." I gathered up equipment from the field and helped Ian pack it up. Ian released Ice from the bench and tied the end of the rope to his own wrist. We headed back to the house to clean up for dinner. Part of the dinner was being prepared in the kitchen. The rest was grilling out by the caves. We ate London Broil picnic style. I felt like I was at a festival. I was extremely happy that Ice was getting along so well with Ian even if he _was_ tied to him at all times. I had studied Ice over the last twenty four hours and I truly felt that if Ice was taken from this body, there would be no human left to claim it. I did not see any glimpse of human struggle in his actions.

Nate stayed close to us because he was waiting for Burns to call. A bunch of us gathered in the root cellar to play cards. It was crowded in our little hole. The card game consisted of me, Ian, Ice, Nate, and Jamie. Megan watched. When the phone rang, Nate took it outside. When he was done talking to Burns, Nate gave the phone to Jamie. When Jamie finished talking to Jared he brought the phone to Jeb who was in the house talking with Maria.

Nate returned to convey the news. "Burns is coming," Nate said flatly.

Ian spoke. "When?"

"He said they will leave tonight."

"Who is coming with him?"

"You're not going to believe it."

"Kyle's coming!" I squealed. I was thrilled and my actions showed it.

"You seem to be a little too excited about the news that my brother is coming."

I couldn't resist the urge to tease him. "Jealous, O'Shea?"

"Well you admitted that you've slept with him."

Ice interrupted, "Whoa! You slept with his brother?"

I laughed. "Not like that. Kyle is my savior. He's my Ian substitute."

Nate did not like being upstaged. "PEOPLE! There's someone else coming!"

Everyone shut up and looked at Nate.

"Jared's coming?" I asked.

"No."

"Lily?"

"No."

Ian offered the next name. "Doc?"

"No."

"Who?"

"Sunny."

"Get out!" I was shocked.

"Burns wants her to get a phone."

Ice's curiosity exploded. "Who is Sunny?"

"Sunny is a soul. When Kyle found out that I could remove a soul from the body without destroying it, he took off and brought back his love. Sunny came willingly because her memories of loving him were strong. She did not want to leave the body. She was quite sad about being sent to another planet. Once removed, the host body never regained consciousness. Kyle requested that we put Sunny back because she _was _such a sweet soul. It took him a while to turn his protective big brother feelings into love."

"With a little help from Wanderer." Ian added.

"Of course, I would have guessed." Ice smiled at me.

"Sunny has never left the caverns. It is always dangerous to put a soul in the mainstream. They could turn on us. It takes an immense amount of trust." Ian proclaimed.

"How did they mainstream you?" Ice asked.

I crossed to Jamie and put my arms around him. "My little brother here was my reason to journey into the mainstream. He was dying from infection. We did not have drugs. Jared trusted me when I was still sharing Mel's body."

Ian interjected. "She practically killed herself by hacking into her own arm to go to a healer and then stole the drugs needed to cure Jamie. After that, she was one of us."

"This is Sunny's first trip so they will be putting their faith and Kyle's love into her hands. If she turns, they will all be in danger. Burns must really feel that she is ready." I was hopeful.

"So, now we wait." Nate murmured.

That night as the others left the root cellar, a feeling of sadness came over me. I was really becoming fond of Ice and soon he would be leaving. I turned to Ice. "May I hug you?"

"I don't know. Will your boyfriend beat me up?"

My eyes filled with tears as I hugged him. "I don't want you to go."

"Are the caverns bad?" He seemed concerned.

"No. I didn't mean I don't want you to go to the caverns. I meant I don't want you to leave this body. I hope you will stay with us."

"I agree. You're all right." Ian put his hand around Ice's neck.

That night, Ian and I pushed our cots as close as possible and kissed each other in the darkness. We tried to be very quiet but I'm sure Ice heard us. He never said a word. I was grateful. I needed this closeness. The last thing I remember was Ian whispering. "You are my world."

The three of us slept until Nate opened the door and woke us. "Good Morning, all! Were you planning on sleeping the day away?"

I jumped up to make sure I got out the door before the boys because I didn't want to wait for the bathroom. I passed Kim and Carl who were both waiting to enter the root cellar with laundry baskets in hand.

After I bathed and dressed, I headed to the kitchen to scrounge up some breakfast. I toasted the last bagel and poured a glass of orange juice. Nate found me sitting at the kitchen table and sat down across from me.

"Hey, Beautiful!"

"Hi, Nate."

"Remember that favor you owe me?"

"Yes, I remember." I was leery of what favor he might ask of me.

"I need you to go on a road trip. The cooks are complaining that with the addition of Ice plus three more coming for the next few days that they don't have enough food. You will need to hit two or three supermarkets in different towns to keep anyone from becoming suspicious."

"I've done this many times before for my family at the caverns. I know the drill."

"Good. I'll go with you. I prefer Ian stay with Ice. They are comfortable together." He once again managed to conveniently separate us and put himself into the equation. I had a plan to quash that idea.

"No, I want to go alone. I need to stop in town and get my hair cut. It will appease Fluttering in the Wind so she won't have a reason to come snooping around."

Nate seemed wary. "You sure you want to go alone?"

"Yes, I'll be fine. I'll go tell Ian."

Ian argued with me for wanting to go alone but in the end he reluctantly agreed when he found out that Nate had planned to accompany me. Nate gave Ian his cell phone so I could call him after each stop to 'check in'.

First I went to get my hair cut at the shop where Fluttering worked. We went to lunch together afterwards and we had a lovely time. When I left Fluttering, I drove a few towns away and got a little bit of everything that was on my list, I duplicated my shopping list in the next two towns. I took it upon myself to get Ice a few pairs of pants, shorts, shirts, boxers, socks, and shoes at the mall in one of the larger towns I visited. I got Ice's sizes during one of my calls to Ian to let him know I was all right. Of course I picked up a few things for Ian as well.

It was a long day. I didn't return to the mountain until late. It was after nine o'clock in the evening. There was a crowd in the house watching TV that included Ian, Ice, and Nate. Everyone helped carry in the groceries. I hadn't eaten dinner so I rummaged through the fridge for leftovers. Ian and Ice were still tied together as a 'precaution'. They were sitting on the floor of the living room with the others. I carefully stepped between the bodies sprawled out on the floor until I got to Ian and I sat in front of him. He put his arms around my waist and pulled me in between his legs until I was up against him. Some of the people hanging out were not from our usual crowd, so I assumed they were waiting for Burns to arrive. At eleven o'clock Carl came to retrieve Megan. I insisted he take Jamie as well. Jamie protested but I reminded him that he had school in the morning. Ian reinforced that with the fact that Burns and company would be extremely tired after driving straight through without stopping.

They arrived shortly after midnight. I didn't know who to run to first. As it turned out Kyle ran to me and scooped me up like a new bride. He kissed my forehead and I in turn kissed him on the cheek. "So, how is my girl doing?"

"I'm great." My smile stretched from ear to ear. Ian and Ice both stood there looking at us. For Ice it was obvious that the similarities between Kyle and Ian had shocked him. For Ian, it was definitely the familiarity we shared. He remembered Kyle as the assassin hell bent on destroying me even if he had seen Kyle mellow after I was put in this body.

"You _look _happy." Kyle smiled back at me.

"I am." He put me down gently and walked to Ian and grabbed him into a manly hug complete with the slapping on the back.

"So, bro, have you finally made my little girl a woman?" Ian just shot him a look and cleared his throat.

I had already run to Burns and stretched up on my tip toes to hug him. As usual, he lifted me off the ground in a bear hug. "I can't leave you alone for one minute. You go out and find my replacement."

In all the time that Ice was here, no one had told him about Burns. The shock he had displayed at seeing Kyle was now transferred to Burns. "Hey, you're a…soul? How many souls are there in this commune of yours?"

Nate turned to him. "This is it. There were three and now with you, there are four."

"We are quite an elite group if I say so myself." I was beaming. It was only a short while ago that I was alone, an enemy to the humans. Now there were four of us. We had both friends and lovers among these humans. This proved that we could all live together in harmony. If only the rest of the world could see this. Unfortunately, our discovery would mean our demise.

I turned back to Burns. "How is Lily?"

"She's wonderful. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. Thank you."

Ice interjected. "Wait, you have a human girlfriend too?"

"Yes, thanks to Wanda." He put his arm around my shoulders.

Ice shook his head. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Play your cards right and I'll find a girlfriend for you too." I giggled. I felt very triumphant.

I now turned my attention to Sunny. "I took your advice. I did everything you told me and it worked. We are so happy!"

"I'm glad for you. For us. Look! I got a cell phone!" Sunny trilled.

"Welcome to the family, Sis!" I grabbed her by the arm and started herding her towards the back steps to the house. "Come on. Let me show you the house. You and Kyle can take our room. Ian and I have been rooming with Ice these last few days. Oh! Wait till you see the Jacuzzi!" I was gushing. My brain was on overload.

After a brief gathering in the living room, everyone decided to call it a night. Nate walked us to the root cellar and locked us in for the night.


	14. Chapter 14

**So by now you must realize that this book could turn in any direction. There imperfections to my characters that in my opinion makes them human…including Wanda.**

Heaven and Hell

Everyone slept in till late morning. It was mid week. The kids were in school. Breakfast turned into brunch. There was lots of chatter at the kitchen table. It reminded me of the kitchen in the caverns where everyone like to congregate. After brunch, Nate and Burns decided to take Kyle and Sunny on a tour. They took Ice with them leaving me and Ian alone for the first time in three days.

"Should we lock the back door?" Ian asked in the hopes that I would agree.

"That might be rude."

"Well, we _could_ claim the Jacuzzi!"

I liked this idea. "Now you're talking!"

Ian followed me into the bathroom and locked the door. He grabbed me by the arm, spun me around, and engulfed me in his arms. His warm lips were inviting. He teased me by licking my lips. "Do you know that every man wants you, including Ice and my brother?"

I protested. "Right. Ice does_ not _want me."

Ian's forehead creased. "I see the way he looks at you."

I was frustrated. Why would he stop in the middle of_ this_ to tell me that? "Ian, I am not going to have this fight with you. There is only one man I want."

"And who would that be?" He sounded serious.

"You!"

"I'm sorry who?" Now, he was messing with me. Two could play that game.

"Well now that I think about it, Ice _does_ have those chocolate brown eyes and wavy chestnut hair. And those full lips…"

Ian cracked like an egg. "I'll kill him if he touches you."

Now, _I_ had the upper hand. "Hmm. Then again I like my men with arms of steel, a chest like Zeus, abs like mm-mm-mm." I pulled his T-shirt up, and ran my fingertips over his rippled muscles. Then I began to gently kiss his chest.

He pulled his shirt over his head and off of his body. He slid his hand under my chin and pulled it up so my eyes met his. "You cheat. You know that?"

I smiled a most wicked grin. "I learned from the best. Now, kiss me, Superman."

We never made it to the hot tub. He scooped me up and carried me to the bedroom where he had his way with me. It was a wonderful afternoon.

When we were done, we held each other for a long time. Even though I was crazy happy at the turn of events, I was still bothered by the fact that Ian was so jealous of anyone who gave me the time of day. I decided to broach the subject. I lifted my head off his chest to look at him. "I'm hurting."

He slid up into a sitting position. "What? I'm so sorry. Why didn't you say anything? I didn't think it would still be painful for you." He had misunderstood my meaning.

"No. I don't mean the sex, that's fine. That's better than fine."

He put his hand on my cheek. "I don't understand."

I bit my lip as I deliberated how to put my feelings into words without starting a fight. "It hurts me that you don't trust my feelings for you. The jealousy thing with Burns, Nate, Kyle, and now Ice. It really hurts me."

"It's just that you are so comfortable with each of them. I hate sharing you. When you were in Mel's body, my only obstacle was Jared. Now…"

I interrupted him because I knew the point he was going to make. It was more important now that I make mine. "I want…no, I _need_ you to understand that most of my life in Mel's body was spent in fear of my life. Almost everyone detested me. I was extremely grateful that you, Jeb, Jamie, Doc, and eventually Jared had found a way to love me."

"So, you love me out of gratitude?" Ian was so like me in that he was prone to hearing only parts of what was said.

"No. Of course not. Let me finish. When I was put into _this_ body, no one had ill feelings towards me. It was just the opposite. They had their Melanie back so everyone liked me."

He corrected me. "Everyone adores you."

"Okay, I'll accept that. The point is who wouldn't want to be adored? It is so easy to love all of you and I do. I love Burns. He is like me and he has lost his baby sister. I am honored that he looks at me to fill that hole in his life. Kyle is different. I was afraid to be close to him for a long time. Those minutes in the bathing room still haunt me, but I have worked very hard to not let that be the thing that defines Kyle. He has tried very hard to be a big brother to me. He honored _you_ the way he protected and cared for me in your absence. Those nights in the hotel room, no matter what may have crossed his mind, he _never _acted on it."

Ian was silent for a minute. His forehead was creased as he thought about the things I had said. "Okay, but what about Nate?"

I took a deep breath. Nate was definitely _not_ like a brother to me. "Unfortunately I cannot defend Nate. He _does _love me but I can't just turn my back on him. I love him as a friend, and I know it hurts him to see me with you but I love _you._ One day he will accept that." I leaned into Ian's face and kissed his lips tenderly. "I want you to know that if anything happened to you…" A lump had already formed in the back of my throat just at the thought. I swallowed hard. "If I lost you, I would go to Doc and ask him to pull me out of this body and let me die too. I don't want to live without you."

He pulled me to his chest and held me tight. He lay back down on the bed pulling me with him. When he finally spoke, his voice was hitched. I sat up to look at him, and he was pinching the bridge of his nose as he tried to stop the tears that trickled from the corners of his eyes to the pillow. "If I die, I want you to live out the rest of your life. I don't want to be responsible for your suicide. Promise me you will continue to live this life without me."

Seeing him cry brought the tears to my eyes as well. "I don't know if I can make that promise Ian. I don't know if I could live with a broken heart. If it was me who died, would it be so easy for you?"

"No, but I've already figured that out."

"What do you mean?"

"I was lying in the baseball field the night you left here. I was thinking about how your soul is protected by this body. I wished I could take you, and open my chest, and stuff you inside to keep you close and safe. That's when it hit me."

I had no idea where this was going. Then he said the most wonderful thing I had ever heard in any of my ten lives. Even better than 'will you marry me?'

"I hope and pray that it never comes to this because I love you in this body but…if you die, I want Doc to take you out of your body and put you into mine."

I was shocked. I couldn't speak. I was just staring off into space my thoughts racing. He would be the first entity ever to take a soul willingly. Melanie had said in the past that she would take me back in her body if it meant saving me, but now there were other options. They could easily find another body and remove the soul, and place me in it. Ian wanted me with him.

"Wanderer, are you okay?"

"I…I" I still couldn't form words. I knew he loved me but to sacrifice his own will to me? I blew out my breath slowly again and again. Ian looked scared. I had to get myself under control and speak. Finally, I took his hands in mine and squeezed them as I spoke. "Ian, do you realize that if you did that you would be giving up all control of your body to me?"

He looked into my eyes. "But I would still be with you and we could talk to each other, right?"

"Yes, we could talk to each other."

"And then when I died, I mean when _we_ died; we could truly be together forever."

That was it. I crumbled. I fell into his arms and sobbed. I had tears of joy for the love I felt for the unselfish human, and tears of sorrow that one day our life on this planet would end. He whispered in my ear. "It's okay, my plan?"

All I could squeak out was "Yes, it's okay." Eventually I cried myself to sleep in his arms. When I woke up, he was still holding me. He released me as I sat up.

"Hey." I murmured.

He brushed my hair away from my face. "Hey, you okay?"

I smiled. "Yes, are you?"

His smile was bright. He lay with one arm wrapped behind his head, and traced my jaw line with his thumb. "Never better."

"Do you want to go in the Jacuzzi?"

"I would, but the house is full of people. I'm surprised the noise didn't wake you when they came in. They were pretty loud. My guess is it's the kids."

"Oh! How long did I sleep?"

"A little more than an hour."

"I guess we should join them."

"Yes, your admirers await."

"Well if it's the kids then they are _your_ admirers." I leaned in close "I love you Superman."

"I love you too." He kissed me but I stopped it before it could escalate into more. We dressed as quickly as we could, considering he stopped to kiss me several times. Each time he hit me with the slow burn kiss. Each time I had to remind him that we were trying to _get_ dressed not undressed. Eventually, we made it out of the bedroom but we never let go of each other.

The living room was filled with the Coach's kids. Blake rose from the couch. "Hey coach, we didn't want to disturb you. I know it's late, but we would still like to have practice if it's all right with you." It amazed me how much the kids loved and respected Ian.

I squeezed Ian's hand. "Yes, let's go to practice Coach."

So, we all left the house together. We stopped at the root cellar to pick up the equipment. We must have looked like a mob or a gang as we walked to the field. The only ones missing were Jamie and Megan. As we approached the field, I could see that Nate, Kyle, and Ice were working on the dugout. Jamie, Megan, and Sunny were with them. Kyle looked up at our motley crew and called out. "Did you two have a pleasant afternoon?"

I knew Ian would not respond so I did. "It was…life changing." I squeezed Ian's hand.

It was Nate who responded. "Damn! If it's that good then no wonder I never had a chance!"

Ian and I answered in unison. "Shut up, Nate!"

"Hey! I'm just saying!" I hated that phrase.

Ian ignored Nate and directed his attention to Kyle. "I see you've done a lot of work on the dugout."

"Yeah, it feels good to build something. I can see how you muscled up so quickly."

"Superman." I cooed to Ian.

Blake bellowed. "Coach? Practice?"

"Right. EVERYONE PAIR UP. YOU KNOW THE DRILL!"

I grabbed Sunny. "Come on. Practice with us!" There were extra gloves in the equipment bag. I grabbed one for each of us. Sunny was not much of an athlete which struck me as odd considering she was in Jodie's body. I would have thought Kyle would choose a girl who was an athlete like himself. "Come on! You throw like a girl!" I teased. "How did Jodie meet Kyle anyway?"

"In a bar," she yelled back to me. "I guess you could say that Jodie was his biggest fan, and now I am."

Ian came over to give Sunny tips on how to throw the ball. It helped a little. With practice she would get better.

After warm up we ran the field followed by stretching exercises. Ian devised a drill I had never done before but the kids recognized it. He had us line up at the second base and short stop positions. If you were playing short stop and the ball was hit to you, you had to throw it to first base. If you were playing second and the ball was hit to you, you had to throw it to third. Kyle and Nate decided to join the practice so Ian put Kyle on first base and Nate on third. Ian stood at home plate and hit the ball continuously to both positions. Everything happened very quickly. There was not a lot of time to think, you had to charge the ball and react. Many of us missed the ball because we were already looking to where we needed to throw it. If you missed it or had a bad throw, you ran.

"People, you can't think about where you are throwing it until you have control of the ball. Once you are in control, take the two seconds you need to know where that ball is going when it leaves your hand. I would rather have a runner make it to first by a second or two than have a bad throw because then that runner is going to second. Use your head!" He had Blake who was his golden boy hit the ball to him as he played the short stop position to demonstrate. It was like watching a god in action. He moved on the ball like it was a part of him, and his release was quick and accurate. The ball hit Kyle's glove with a 'thwack'.

The practice continued in this way for nearly an hour before Ian was satisfied that everyone was improving. Then he moved on to batting practice. He had each person play a position, and we rotated with each batter until everyone had the chance to hit. At the end he let Kyle have a turn. He moved everyone to the outfield. Nate put on the catcher's gear and squatted behind home plate. Ian threw his first pitch. Kyle swung.

Ice was again tethered to the bench. "Holy crap!" He bellowed.

Kyle smiled at Ian. "I see you've had quite a bit of practice. Just give me a little time. I'll hit it."

It took five more pitches before Kyle connected. The ball soared deep into the outfield. Megan yelled "I got it" and she made the catch.

Everyone hooted and hollered at her great catch.

Ian commented to Kyle. "With practice I can make her as good as the boys. She's got some talent."

Ian threw several more pitches and Kyle connected with a few of them. "Okay, let's see if you can hit this." Ian threw the fade ball that made Burns crazy so many weeks ago. Kyle swung, but like Burns he couldn't adjust to the drop in altitude the ball suddenly made.

"You are the man!" He ran out to Ian to give him a high five.

After a few more pitches, Coach called everyone in. Nate suggested that tomorrow we try to have the game that was rained out last weekend. The kids cheered. "Same team captains?" Nate asked Ian.

"Yes, but this time _I _get first pick." Ian replied.

"Deal."

Ian would obviously choose Kyle. The invincible duo. This game was going to be a slaughter.

We packed up the equipment, and began to walk off the field.

"HEL-LO!" Ice called. He was still tethered to the bench.

Ian dropped the bag of equipment and ran over to Ice. "Sorry, I didn't mean to forget you man."

"You know if I hadn't said anything I could have escaped." Ice was right. He could have. He was already proving his loyalty to us. I was becoming more and more convinced that he would eventually be a trusted member of our family. The humans were more wary that it could be just a smart ploy. They weren't ready to take chances. "Well, I'm glad you didn't. I would hate it if Jeb had to shoot you." Ian smirked but Ice knew he was telling the truth.

I volunteered to help clean up after dinner. A bunch of the guys headed to the root cellar for a poker game. The root cellar was quickly becoming the game room. Burns had been missing all day. He apparently had to go into town for some reason. Sunny waited for me in the living room to finish my kitchen duty. She offered to help but I told her she was a guest.

After dinner, we went for a walk in the woods. We were busy gabbing and walking when we heard a rustle in the leaves ahead of us. Sunny wanted to run but I pulled her behind a small stand of bushes. We knelt down and remained very quiet. We could see through the branches of the bush two people together. They were leaning up against a tree. As we watched I realized they were kissing. They were two far away for me to make out who it was. Sunny picked up a rock and handed it to me. "Throw it over there." She whispered. It seemed like a good idea to me. So, I pitched it over my head to the left of where they were standing. When the rock hit a tree and bounced into the dead leaves, the two of them stopped kissing. They looked around and then ran towards us. Sunny and I remained in our hiding place. As they ran by, we discovered our two lovers were none other than Jamie and Megan! When they were gone Sunny and I burst out laughing.

"Should we say something to them?" Sunny blurted out in between the laughter.

"I don't know. They were only kissing."

"Yeah but what if we hadn't come along?"

"You don't think? Come on. Jamie's only fourteen!"

"And how old are you?"

"It's not the same." Again I was being the hypocrite. "I'll talk to Ian about it and see what he thinks we should do."

"You have to admit they look cute together."

I giggled. "I know. It's Jamie's first crush."

We finished our walk and headed back to the house just as it started to get dark. It was officially summer even though the kids still had school. We had our kids go to school year round. They only went in the morning so they had all afternoon to do other things. There were some people in the living room watching TV but Sunny and I weren't interested. We decided to go into the Jacuzzi. I brought my CD player in the bathroom. We had a blast. We talked a lot. Sunny was fast becoming a good friend of mine, and hopefully one day soon we would be sisters-in-law. Our hands and feet were like prunes when we got out of the tub. It was nearly eleven o'clock when we decided to go check out the poker game. We were very surprised to find the guys had been drinking. Apparently Burns had returned during our walk, and brought several cases of beer. Burns, Ian, Kyle, Nate, Ice, Jeb, Carl, Tom, and Rob were all in there. It was like a huge testosterone party.

When Sunny and I entered, we became the entertainment. Ian grabbed me and started talking in a way that made me uncomfortable. "Hey, Babe. Kyle says that Sunny can dance. I've never seen you dance. Will you dance for me?"

"Stop it Ian. You're drunk." I was annoyed and tried to break free.

"Oh come on. Dance for Superman." He rubbed his hand on my butt.

Nate came to my rescue. "Ian. It's your turn."

"Can't you see I'm hanging with my girl?"

"Yes. She's going to go get some food for you."

"Food…munchies. Yes, wench. Get some munchies." He bellowed in his drunken state.

Ian released me and I rushed outside. Nate retrieved Sunny as well and brought her outside. "I'm sorry. They are a little drunk."

"A little?" I didn't want to argue with Nate but I was angry. "What are we supposed to do?"

"You two can sleep in the house. I'll lock them all in for the night."

"And what if they have to go to the bathroom?"

"I don't know. I didn't think they were gonna get blotto. I figured they'd have a few beers. I guess it's been a while since any of them have had a drink. What do you suggest?"

"What do _I_ suggest? I suggest that you stay here at the door and monitor this shindig."

"How about if I try to get some of them to go?" He reasoned.

"That will help. The less there are the easier it will be to deal with the ones who are there. Right now, Ian is unmanageable."

"Okay I'll tell Carl, Tom, And Rob that I am going to lock them in if they don't leave now."

"All right, and grab what is left of the alcohol and bring that out and we will put it in the kitchen."

In the next several minutes, Nate pulled several open cases of beer out of the root cellar. Sunny and I scooped them up and returned them to the house. We put them in the refrigerator in the back where they couldn't be seen. When we got back outside to the root cellar Carl, Tom, and Rob were just coming out the door. Nate enlisted Jeb's help in getting Ian out of the root cellar and into the house. He got him to sit on the couch. Burns was the least drunk out of the remaining three so he was in charge of locking Kyle and Ice in the root cellar.

I turned to Sunny in desperation. "This is a nightmare. It's bad enough they are drunk but we need to keep an eye on Ice and make sure he stays in the laundry room. I'm afraid to go near Ian. I've never seen him like this."

Sunny tried to be helpful. "If you can get Ian to relax enough to sleep; then that will be very helpful."

"I'll try."

I entered the house. Ian was on the couch, and Nate and Jeb were trying to keep him there, but he wanted to go back to the party. Then he saw me. "Ah! The party girl is here. Come here Babe!"

I stood there staring at him. I was afraid to move. Nate tried to keep him seated on the couch, but he broke through Nate's defense. "Go! Wanda. Get out." Nate ordered.

I turned to run for the door, but Ian was on me quickly. He put his arms around my waist and pulled me to him. I struggled to pull his hands away. "What's the matter Babe? You know you want me."

I did the only thing I could think of doing at that moment. I screamed the most ear piercing scream I could pull from my body. It worked. Ian let go of me immediately. I ran out the door. I couldn't go to the caves. I wasn't allowed there. I couldn't go to the root cellar. I couldn't go in the house. I went to the only place that might be safe. I got in the back of the van, slammed the door, and locked it. I couldn't deal with any of this. I wasn't equipped. I laid down, shed some tears, and eventually fell asleep.

In the morning I woke and all was quiet. I opened the door not knowing what to expect. Nate was asleep in a sleeping bag on the ground at the back door of the van. I could only guess that he was taking a protective measure on my behalf. I climbed out and stepped carefully over Nate, and went quietly into the house. As I opened the back door I stopped to survey the room before entering. Ian was out cold on the couch. All was quiet in the house.

I decided I would make Ian and the others pay for their idiocy. I knew where all the drugs were kept. I took all of the 'No Pain' and hid it in the van. Then I went to where the children were in school. I spoke to Maxim and Miranda, and told them of my plan. They were only too happy to let the children out early for this occasion. I felt like the Pied Piper as I led them to the house. I held the door open for them as they ran into the house screaming like children let loose on the playground. The TV was turned immediately to cartoons. I stood in the far corner of the room with my arms folded across my chest as I watched Ian come out of his coma.

"What the hell? Get out of here you kids. Can't you see I am sleeping?" The children stopped and looked at me and I just nodded my head and pointed for them to continue. Ian realized that I was in the room and looked at me. I didn't say a word. I left the building.

I walked towards the caves. I half expected Ian to run and apologize but he obviously must have been in worse shape than I thought because he didn't follow me. Nate was the one who caught up to me. He too had been awakened by the noise of the children running into the house.

"Wanda, are you okay?" He was backtracking to keep the pace the same way Holly had done.

"No! I'm angry!" My eyes stung as the tears came. He stopped me by putting his hands on my arms.

"I'm sorry! This is all my fault. I called Burns when he was in town and asked him to get the beer. I didn't think…"

I cut him off. "No, Nate, you didn't think. How could you? Ian was out of control! I was afraid of him! I never ever want to be afraid of him!"

Nate just stared at the ground. "I'm sorry."

I put my face in my hands and began to sob. What I didn't know was Ian had caught up to us and was standing behind me and had heard me. I thought that Nate had been the one to put his arms around me until I heard Ian's voice. "I'm sorry. I'll never drink like that again."

I pulled away from him and ran to Nate. I turned to face Ian. "Do you even know what you did last night?"

"No." he whispered. "But I can imagine."

"You treated me like a whore Ian. Like I was your personal whore!"

"I'm sorry."

"I can't talk to you right now. Just leave me alone. Both of you!"

I stormed away leaving both of them staring at the ground. I needed to get away. I went back to the house and grabbed the keys and headed for the van. Burns was awake and he tried to stop me.

"Back off, Burns." I barked.

"Where are you going?" He pleaded.

"Out."

I jumped in the van and drove off towards town. As I drove I wondered what Sunny had endured last night and what she might be dealing with now. If I hadn't been so angry I might have thought to find her and take her with me. I didn't know what to do with myself. I could go see Fluttering, but she would see that I had been crying. I could drive back to the caverns and be with Mel and Jared. I could just chuck the whole thing and meld into the population. No, I loved Ian. I _would _forgive him. I decided that I _would _go and see Fluttering and I could tell her that my boyfriend back home broke up with me over the phone because I was going off to college. She would believe me.

My visit with Fluttering was everything I thought it would be. I hadn't eaten so I asked her to join me for lunch. She was like a doting Aunt. I told her Burns was home for a few days but he was ill equipped to deal with break up problems. I also told her that he was leaving in a day or two and I was going to go and visit a friend for a little bit. This way she wouldn't come to the mountain unexpectedly. I had to admit I felt better when I left her.

I wasn't ready to face Ian yet so I decided to go shopping. Pet loved to shop and it always made her feel better. I figured Sunny deserved something special after last night so I bought us each a halter dress. They were light and summery. I also bought myself and Ian a robe so that when we were running naked through the house we would have something to cover up with. It might be a while before they got any use though. I wasn't planning on Ian seeing me naked for a while.

When I got back to the house I had expected Ian to be waiting on me but he wasn't. Burns was sitting on the back steps waiting for my return.

As I walked towards the steps, Burns rose. "Wanda, I'm sorry. It was all my fault."

"Look, I know that Nate was the one who initiated the idea of alcohol. I know that you are the one who bought the alcohol. The truth is each of you was responsible for yourselves and unfortunately it was _my _guy who turned out to be the scary drunk. The one person who should be here apologizing isn't. Where is he anyway?"

"Remember the baseball game?"

"You mean they are all hung over and playing a baseball game?"

"No. The game was cancelled till tomorrow but the kids, well, they were mad at Coach for screwing up their day. He felt bad, so he took them to the field for practice. He's suffering. We couldn't find the 'No Pain'."

I went to the van and retrieved the 'No Pain'. I handed it to Burns. "Where is Sunny?"

"The last time I saw her she was in the house still chewing out Kyle. He woke up only about an hour ago."

"Excuse me." I passed Burns on the stairs and went into the house. Sunny and Kyle were sitting on opposite sides of the couch. I let the door slam behind me. They both looked up. Kyle looked like a child who had been spanked. Sunny looked the way I did before I left for town. I ignored Kyle and went straight to Sunny.

"You need to take a walk. Come with me."

"Where did you go?"

"I went to town to visit a friend and then I went shopping. I would have taken you with me but I didn't know where you were."

"I fought with Kyle till late and then we both slept late and then we fought some more."

"I'm sorry. I know how you feel. I'm not talking to Ian either. I considered getting drunk myself, and flirting with Nate as a revenge move but I don't know if I can hurt him the way he hurt me. I did buy you something when I went shopping though."

"Really? What did you get me?"

"It's the cutest dress. You know what we should do?" My brain clicked with an evil idea. It wouldn't hurt the boys but it would make them crazy.

When Ian got back from the field, Sunny and I came out of the bathroom with our new dresses on and our faces made up and our hair done. Ian and Kyle immediately got up to address their beautiful ladies.

I spoke to Sunny. "Are you ready?"

"Ready, willing, and able," she replied.

"Let's go."

We walked right past Ian and Kyle to the back door, down the steps and towards the van. They ran out behind us. "Where do you think you're going?" Kyle demanded.

Sunny stopped. "I'm sorry. Are you talking to us?"

Kyle grabbed her arm. "You know I'm talking to you."

It was my turn. "We are going to Irving. They have clubs there. You had your fun last night, now it's our turn."

Ian spoke for the first time. "You're bluffing."

He actually accused me of bluffing. "Why would you say that?"

Ian walked up to me and put his hand under my chin so he could look directly into my eyes. "There is no way you would have forgotten the conversation we had yesterday. I screwed up, Wanderer. I admit it. I don't want you to ever be afraid of me, and I never want to be in such a state that I would treat you as less than the amazing woman you are. Please. Please forgive me. I love you."

So, how was I supposed walk away from that? I sighed. "What do you think Sunny?"

"I think you got _your _apology."

Ian hissed at his brother. "Kyle if you don't apologize to your girl so I can kiss my girl I'm going to pulverize you."

"Sunny what more do you want me to say? I've been apologizing all day."

"Come on, Wanda. I really want to go to that club." She opened the door to the van.

"Okay, okay! Sunny, you know I love you."

"And?"

"And I promise the next time there is alcohol present, I will let you monitor me because I obviously cannot drink the way I did in college."

"And?" She was being obstinate.

"And what?" Poor Kyle was so clueless.

"And forgive me." Ian muttered under his breath.

Kyle grabbed Sunny and dragged her away from the van. He scooped her up and carried her away from us.

"Should we help her?" I asked.

"I think they'll be okay. I need to know if _we_ are okay."

"You promise you won't get drunk like that again?"

"I promise. I don't know how I got so drunk so fast. In my college days, I used to be able to drink a twelve pack by myself."

"Well you're not in college anymore. _And _I think you had better kiss me before I go find Sunny." Ian took my face in his hands and pressed his lips to mine. He kissed me tenderly at first and then he became more aggressive. I was enjoying the kiss immensely until his hands traveled to my breasts. I pulled away.

"You are going to have to earn that."

"I thought I _did_."

"I'm no whore." I was being mean but I was still angry.

"Oh. Come on, Babydoll."

"That's another thing! Last night you were calling me Babe. You _know_ how I hate that name."

"I was drunk." He raised his hands up to me in surrender. "You know what? You're right. I don't deserve you."

He walked away. I was stunned. My first instinct was to run to him, and that is exactly what I did.

"No. You deserve me. I love you." I put my arms around his neck.

He smiled. "I'm sorry. Are you talking to me?"

He got me. He out scammed me. He was better than Nate.

"Okay. Pick me up," I ordered.

He scooped me off the ground. "Now what?"

"You see that van over there?"

"Yes."

"It's empty."

So much for my punishment. I melted in the heat of his lips. He would have anything he wanted from me, and I would give it willingly. I slept in the van for the second night in a row, but this time I slept peacefully.


	15. Chapter 15

A HORRIBLE MISTAKE

When I woke up I felt stiff. I stretched my body as much as I could. I didn't want to lay here and wait for Ian to rouse from his slumber. "Wake up, Superman!" I cooed.

"I'm not waking up unless you promise me the best day ever," he was already awake.

"You're not asking me for much, are you?" I replied.

"Do you love me?"

"That's a stupid question. You know you are the love of my life."

"Good. Now come on so I can spoil you," He said adamantly.

We dressed and climbed out of the van. Inside the house Sunny and Kyle were still asleep. My clothes were in the room they were in. I knocked gently. I got no answer. I knocked again. Kyle answered. "Who is it?"

"It's me. I just need to get some clothes."

"Come in, sweetheart."

Kyle was wrapped around Sunny. I quickly got clothes for both Ian and I.

"Are you and Ian okay?" Sunny asked.

"Everything is great."

"Did you sleep in the root cellar with Ice?" Oh no. Ice. Who slept with Ice? Had anyone even locked him in?

I ran back out to Ian. "Ian I don't know if anyone is with Ice. I don't even know if he was locked in." My voice was panicked. If Ice escaped, we could all die.

Ian and I raced to the root cellar. The door was locked. We looked at each other.

"Burns!"

We ran back to the house and knocked loudly on Burns' door. "Who is it? What's wrong?"

Ian spoke. "Do you have the key to the root cellar?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Who's with him?"

"Nate stayed with him last night. You two were MIA so Nate offered to stay with Ice. He was worried about where you were though."

"Can I have the key? I want to check on them. I was very angry with Nate and I need to let him know that I am not angry with him anymore."

Ian raised an eyebrow to me.

"You can wait for me in the Jacuzzi. I won't be long." I kissed him quickly.

I knocked on the door before I opened it. Nate and Ice were both just opening their eyes. I turned on the light, and they were both blinded.

"Sorry. It's so dark in here compared to outside."

Ice was cranky. "Dark really works when you are trying to sleep."

"Good morning to you too, cranky pants!"

Nate sat up. "Is everything okay?"

"It will be. Can I talk to you alone?"

Nate seemed confused. "Um, sure." He looked over at Ice.

"We'll just be outside the door." I assured him.

Nate followed me outside and closed the door behind us. The sun was shining brightly and it took a minute for my eyes to adjust. Nate ran his fingers through his long locks in an attempt to make himself more presentable. I smiled at him. He was handsome in spite of his messy hair. I took his hands in mine.

"Nate, I owe you an apology."

"No, you don't."

I squeezed his hands. "Please let me do this." Now it was I who looked at the ground in remorse. "I blamed you for the alcohol but every one of these guys is over twenty one and should have been responsible for themselves." I looked at Nate now. "As it turns out, _you_ were the only responsible one. I was angry with Ian and I took it out on you. I'm so sorry." I bit my lip.

He looked at me with his beautiful dark eyes and raised my hand and kissed it. "You see? This is why I love you." He put his hand tenderly on my cheek. "You are the sweetest most sincere person I have ever met."

"Thank you" I whispered barely loud enough to hear.

He lowered his hand from my cheek. "You need to go now." He looked sad. "Why?"

"Because right now, I really want to kiss you."

Even with the warmth of the sun upon us, I could feel the burn in my cheeks. I hated hurting him. "Maybe a hug?" I offered.

"I'll want more. Go to Ian."

I was torn. I hated leaving him this way, but I knew he was right. He was trying to protect both of us. Nate had turned to go back through the door.

"Nate?"

He answered me without turning to face me. "Yes?"

"I love you too." He disappeared through the door and it closed behind him. A lump rose in my throat. I couldn't swallow. I went back inside and joined Ian who was waiting for me in the Jacuzzi. I didn't let on the emotions that were racing through my head as I reached out to hug Ian.

That afternoon everyone gathered for the baseball game. When I saw Nate I smiled at him. He and Ian were team captains. They had already agreed that Ian would get first choice.

"For my first pick, I choose Wanderer." Ian spoke emphatically.

"No, Ian! Nate will take Kyle!" I didn't want to screw up Ian's game plan.

He pulled me under his arm. "It's okay, Babydoll. He can't get both Kyle and Burns since I had first pick."

Nate did choose Kyle and Ian chose Burns. Then Nate chose Blake who was Ian's golden boy. I knew that hurt because he squeezed my arm when his name was called. Nate chose Rob, Tom, and Carl. Ian chose Carlos, Evan, and Dean, who was Carlos' younger brother, and Megan.

Jamie protested. "You chose Megan before me?"

Ian answered his question. "She's a better ball player than you are." Megan smiled at her boyfriend. Nate chose Rachel, Sarah, and Holly as his last choices. Ian chose Jamie and Kim, who was Nate's older sister. He also took five year old Ben as a tenth player. He would sit one person out each inning. They let Ice referee behind the plate. There were enough people present to keep him from escaping if he had the mind to. Jeb played the referee in the field.

Ian had asked me to wear the same exact outfit that I wore at the last game. His plan was turnabout is fair play. Ian knew Nate still had feelings for me so his plan was for me to do the same thing to Nate that Nate had done to him. I didn't want to do it though. It was one thing to tease Ian. He knew at the end of the day, this body was his. Doing this to Nate was unfair because I would just be flaunting what he couldn't have. I couldn't hurt him like that. The first time Nate came up to bat, Ian signaled to me. I did not respond.

When the inning was over, Ian pulled me aside. "I signaled you. Why didn't you do what was asked of you?"

I stood up to him. "Because it's not fair."

"Right, but it was fair when you did it to me?"

"It's not the same," I protested.

He was angry. "Next inning, you sit out." He looked down the bench at little Ben. "Ben! Next inning you play third. Megan you move to second."

I sat and folded my arms across my chest. "Would you like me to run the field, Coach?" I huffed.

"Why? Do you need the exercise?" he said coldly.

Ian had sandwiched me as batter right between him and Burns. Carlos was up first. He hit one to Nate down the third base line and beat the throw to first. Megan was up. Ian made Blake pitch to her even though she was a girl. He knew she could hit off Blake. She hit a nice one to centerfield, but it was caught by Tom. Burns was third in the lineup. He hit a line drive to Holly in right field. All those weeks watching Ian coach, maybe she should have practiced. Carlos made it home, and Burns took second before Holly grabbed the ball and threw it in. I was up next. I hit a pop fly right to Kyle at first base. Ian was up and as expected he hit a home run. Dean struck out to retire the side. We were ahead three to two.

Second inning, I sat out as planned. I kept looking over at Nate because I didn't want to hurt him, but I knew Ian expected me to do whatever he asked of me when it came to baseball. Nate walked around the backstop to where I was sitting on the bench. He knelt down in front of me. "Everything okay?"

"Nope." I pulled my lips into a tight line.

"What's wrong?" he said with sincerity in his voice.

"I don't want to hurt you Nate. It's not fair."

"Don't worry about it. It's okay. All's fair in baseball. I was expecting it." He patted his hand on my thigh and then got to his feet. Ian was watching and he did not look happy.

Burns was playing first but he was trying to help little Ben cover second. It was a good inning. The other team did not score. At the end of the inning Ian came off the field and sat next to me. "What the hell was that about?"

"Nothing." I said meekly.

"You still have feelings for him."

I didn't answer his accusation. Instead I asked a question. "Are you going to let me play next inning?"

"Are you going to do what I tell you to do?"

"Is my playing contingent on my baring my body? Cause if you want I can strip down to my bra and underwear."

"Don't be stupid."

"I'm being stupid! Oh, that's right, you wouldn't want Nate to see _that_ much of me," I snapped back at him.

Nate called "TIME!" He walked over to our bench. "Guys. It's not that I am not enjoying the crap out of you two fighting over me, but this is a baseball game. Now could you please kiss and make up so we can continue?" Kyle was cracking up on first base.

I was afraid that Ian would explode and try to kill Nate. I grabbed his hand and pulled him off the bench with all my might and dragged him away from the others. I put both of my hands on his chest. He held me by the elbows, but he didn't look at me. Instead he looked over my head at the trees.

"I'm sorry. You are the coach and the leader of this team. Let me play and I will do whatever you need."

"Fine." His expression did not change. He was stoic. He released my elbows and walked over to the bench. "Dean, you sit out next inning. Wanderer, you take his spot in the outfield. If the ball comes to you, I expect you to catch it. Don't you wait for it to drop and then pick it up. You get under it. You got that?"

"I will." I was trying to be supportive. I only hoped it would be enough to appease him.

It was the bottom of our line up. Ben was up. He was hitting off a tee. Because he was so little, he had a runner. The last out was allowed to run for him and that was Jamie. There were two outs. Ben hit the ball right to the pitcher. It was an easy throw to first base. Everyone told Ben it was a good hit. So next inning we would be at the top of our lineup.

I took the outfield. I was happy out here in no man's land where I could stay out of trouble. Then Nate came up to bat. There was one out and a man on second. Nate hit a high ball right to me in the outfield. I had to make this catch. I got under the ball and stayed focused. I wanted to look at Ian but I didn't. In practice these types of catches were easy, but now my nerves were raw. I had the urge to close my eyes, but again I didn't. I followed the ball and caught it. Carl was far off the bag at second. Ian was yelling "TWO! TWO!" I took the few seconds I needed and I threw right at Ian. "YOU'RE OUT!" Jeb called. It was a double play.

Ian ran over and threw me over his shoulder and ran back to the bench. He put me down and put both of his hands on my face. "I _knew_ you could do it. Way to use your head!" I thought he would kiss me but he didn't. I didn't know if he was trying to remain professional after the fight we displayed for everyone, or if he was pulling away again. This worried me.

The rest of the team came over and congratulated me on the catch. Even Nate came by on his way to third base to offer his nod. "Nice catch, Beautiful."

"Get your helmet on." Ian said as he sat on the bench.

I did as he said and then I came up behind him and threw my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. He reached up and held my forearms so I couldn't pull away. I was draped over the back of him. He whispered. "I know we haven't gone over bunting. I want you to hit the ball as lightly as you can and then run like the wind. Don't stop. You run right through the bag. Got it?" He let go of my arms.

"I got it, Coach." Again he didn't look at me. He stared at the field. I still wasn't sure if he was holding me to talk to me as a coach or if he _wanted_ me to hold him.

Carlos and Megan both made it on base. Burns was up. He hit a beauty to centerfield but once again, Tom was there to make the catch. Carlos and Megan were still on first and second respectively. I was up. Ian started to clap his hands. "Come on Wanderer. You can do it."

The first pitch was a ball. The second pitch I started to swing and then thought better of it. "She went!" Ice called from behind me.

"Come on, Wanderer. Elbows down, level swing," Ian encouraged me. Rachel threw the perfect pitch. I tapped the ball. It landed a few feet in front of me almost on the third base line. I didn't wait to hear if it was good or not. I took off. I could see Kyle gearing up for the catch. _Don't stop,_ I kept saying to myself. _Run right through the base line._

"Safe!" Jeb called.

"Good girl!" Ian called out.

Ian was up and the entire outfield back up about ten feet. Nate called "TIME!" He walked up to Blake on the pitcher's mound. "Walk him." We all heard it.

"What are you scared?" Ian taunted Nate.

"In more ways than I care to admit," Nate called back to Ian.

Blake threw four balls two feet over Ian's head. Ian walked to first and Carlos scored. I guess they figured one run was better than four.

The end of the game was the top of the seventh. We were winning so there was no need for us to bat. The score was eight to five. As Nate walked off the field he waved to me and winked. "Good game, Beautiful."

I mouthed the words. "Thank you"

Ian came up behind me. "I think someone owes me a lap for insubordination."

"Really? Are you going to play that card?"

"You better run fast because if I catch you, you will run another lap. You have ten seconds." He ordered. "One…"

Crap. I took off running. Ian counted out loud. When he got to ten he stopped. I looked behind me. He was flying. I knew he was going to catch me. When I could hear him get close I stopped running and collapsed on the ground with my arms protecting my head. "I don't want to run anymore!" I cried.

He stopped and dropped to his knees. He flipped me over onto my back.

"You know I have never been so embarrassed in my life like I was today when we are arguing," he said in a serious tone.

"I'm sorry."

"I asked Jeb about that. We argue all the time. We argue when we are happy and we argue when we are annoyed with each other. I asked him why do you suppose that is? You know what he said?"

I shook my head. "I don't know."

"He said as long as we make up it doesn't matter. He said maybe we are both just drama queens. Tell me, do I look like a queen to you?" He was smiling the silliest grin.

"No. You look like Superman."

"I love you." He fell on me and attacked me like a vampire. His lips and teeth on my neck made me feel tingly all over. "You know what?"

"What?"

"We should come out here and make love right on home plate."

"I'll think about it." We laid there in the middle of the outfield and kissed each other for a good fifteen minutes before we both came up panting.

"Now what was that about stripping down to your bra and panties?" I flipped over and tried to crawl away. He grabbed my sweatpants and started to pull them off.

"No, Ian! It's broad daylight!"

"You are such a spoil sport!" He stood up and pulled me to me feet, and then pulled my pants way up to my bra line. I looked like a nerd.

"You jerk!"

"Your jerk," he grinned.

He ran back and got the equipment bag while I put myself back together. He returned and grabbed my hand, and we walked off the field together.

At dinner, I hung out with Sunny. Ian and Burns were having a private conversation. I could only imagine what that was all about. They were probably planning strategy for the next baseball game. Later on, Ian came to me as I sat talking with Kyle and Sunny. We had been discussing Jared and Mel and the baby.

"Wanderer, can I talk to you for a sec?" He pulled me by the arm away from my conversation.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, I just wanted to let you know that I am going on a road trip with Burns."

"When?"

"Now."

I was concerned now. "For what?"

"I can't tell you."

Now, I was confused. "I don't understand."

"I know and if I could tell you, I would. You'll know why soon enough. Please just trust me okay?"

"Why are you leaving now? It's late. Everything is closed."

"We have our reasons."

"When are you coming back?"

"We'll be back tomorrow probably around lunch time."

"I'm worried."

"You shouldn't be worried. We'll be fine. This is a fun trip."

"Then why can't I come with you?"

"No, it's guys only." This made no sense at all. They couldn't go to a bar or a club. Ian was human.

"What does that mean?" I demanded.

He planted his feet into a wide stance in front of me and took my hands in his. "Babydoll. I don't want to fight with you. Can you please trust me? Just this once?"

"If I have to." I huffed.

"You have to. I love you." He pulled me to his chest and pressed his lips to mine. He started to pull away but I kept on kissing him. I kissed him until he submitted to the slow burn kiss. Just as I really started to enjoy the kiss, he ended it, and pulled back. "There. Do you feel better?"

"I would feel better if you weren't going anywhere."

"I know. You can walk me to the truck." He put his arm around me as we walked.

Burns was already waiting for him in the truck. I went to the driver's side window to address Burns. "I don't know what you're doing, but you better bring him back in the same condition he left in."

"Don't worry, Sis, I will."

Ian hugged me and gave me another kiss good bye. He released me and jumped in the passenger seat. "I love you." He called as the truck pulled away.

So, I guess I would be sleeping alone with Ice. I went into the house. The usual crowd was gathered by the TV. I sighed. I didn't know what to do with myself. I went into the kitchen and sat at the table. Jeb was there talking with some of the older people. I felt out of place with this crowd. After a bit, I excused myself and went outside. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, I ran into Nate.

"Hey, Beautiful? How's it goin'?" He was pleasant as usual.

"It's not going anywhere." I said flatly.

"Is something wrong? Where's Ian?" He was concerned.

"Not here. He went on a road trip with Burns."

"Hmm. That's odd. Usually, he fills me in when he is going somewhere."

"Yes. I didn't get the scoop either. All I got was 'trust me, I'll see you tomorrow'." I sighed in exasperation.

"Okay. You want to go for a walk?" He offered me his arm.

"I guess." I said sullenly.

"Aw, don't be like that. You're with me now. Have you ever been in the caves at night?"

"No. I'm not allowed in there after sundown."

"Well, I am the king around here and I'm going to take you on the nighttime tour."

It was dark like in the caverns back home. I didn't know my way around. He put his arm around my shoulders as he guided me and told me when I needed to duck. Eventually we came to a room that had a huge hole in the ceiling. It was about six feet across. I looked out of the hole, and the sky was filled with stars shining brightly in the sky. It was breathtaking. It was almost like looking through a telescope.

"This is one of my favorite places. Sometimes I lie on the floor, and just stare out at the stars. I couldn't believe that the aliens that invaded our earth could have come from such a beautiful heaven. Then I met you." He hugged me.

"In the winter, when it snows, I like to stand here. It's just the weirdest feeling because technically, you're inside but you're being snowed on." He paused.

"Come on, I'll show you my room." He took my hand and pulled me along. Nate's room was small like the rooms at the caverns back home but he had it all to himself. The others shared their rooms. In the center of the room was a full size bed complete with headboard. Most of the others just had a mattress. He really was the king. The rest of the room reminded me of a library. He had several shelves filled with books.

I was impressed. "Wow, you have a lot of books."

"I like to read. I was a political science major in college. I was in my second year, I had aspirations of being a politician." He laughed. "I wanted to rule the world."

"Well, you rule the mountain," I said trying to boost his ego.

"So, anyway, this is my place. I'm glad you got the chance to see it."

I smiled. "Thank you for showing it to me."

"You want to head back to the house now?"

"Sure."

Nate held my hand and interlaced his fingers in mine. He lead me slowly through the cave. After we got outside he didn't let go of my hand. Back at the house, Ice was with Jeb and some of the others watching a movie. I was glad because I really wasn't tired and I wasn't ready to be locked in the root cellar. "I think I'm going to go and sit on the front porch." It was my quiet place to contemplate my loneliness just like when I sat at the entrance to the caverns in the desert.

"I'll come with you." Nate insisted. I didn't argue.

We sat together on the steps of the porch.

"You seem preoccupied," Nate observed.

"I'm just worried. The last time Ian kept a secret from me they were slaughtering innocent souls in the attempt to remove the soul from the host body."

Nate placed his hand on mine. "He has Burns with him. I'm sure it's not as sinister as all that."

"I hope you're right."

"I'm sure I'm right." We sat in silence for a while until Nate finally spoke. "That was quite a show you and Ian put on at the baseball game today."

"I know. We didn't realize how loud we were."

"You were fighting over me."

"Yes, he's jealous of you."

"Not as jealous as I am of him. What started the fight?"

"He wanted me to duplicate what I had done to him during the first game, and I told him I didn't want to because I didn't want to hurt you."

"That was nice of you but truthfully, seeing your body isn't at all painful." He grinned.

"Thank you. Anyway, he says I still have a thing for you."

He was definitely interested now because he moved closer to me.

"And what did you say?"

"Nothing." I got up and walked to the top of the stairs and onto the porch because I knew Nate would be mulling over my lack of response to Ian, especially when I had told Nate only this morning that I loved him. He slowly climbed the stairs and leaned against the railing next to where I was.

"There's something that's been bothering me for a long time."

"What?"

"Something Ian said actually."

My curiosity got the better of me. "What did Ian say?"

"The first time you were here, and Ian told you to go back to the caverns without him, he asked you to take me with you."

"I didn't because I didn't need to. The kiss wasn't…" He stood in front of me and put his arms on either side of my body, and held onto the top of the rail that I was leaning against. Whatever he was about to say I could not escape from. I was trapped. His face was very close to mine.

"I told him that you kissed me and that I kissed you back. He said you tried too hard."

"What?" I was confused by this logic.

"He was right. You didn't _want_ to like the kiss. You talked yourself out of it before our lips ever touched."

"No, you're wrong. I…"

He interrupted me. "I can't believe there was no chemistry between us." He leaned in to kiss me. I put my head down.

"Stop it Nate." I said barely above a whisper.

"You're afraid. Why?" I wouldn't look up at him.

"I can't." I was going to marry Ian. This was wrong.

He released the railing and put one arm around my waist and pulled me close to him. With his free hand, he pulled my chin up to his face. "I just have to know."

I closed my eyes. "No." I was pleading.

His lips were on mine. I didn't want to kiss him. I didn't want to feel anything for Nate. His kiss was different from Ian's. It was gentle and warm. He didn't nibble or pull on my lips like Ian often did in his playful way. He was serious. He ever so gently slipped his tongue between my lips. I was drawn in by the softness. I didn't fight him. I invited him into my mouth. He stroked my tongue with his. I was dizzy. When he finally pulled away from me he whispered, "I knew it."

I couldn't look at him. He put both hands on my face and pulled it up so he could see me. Tears were streaming down my face. "You're in love with me too. Admit it."

I pulled away from Nate and turned my back to him. He leaned against my back and pulled my hair off of my shoulder and kissed my neck. It made my body shiver.

He put his lips to my ear. "I want to make love to you."

I sidestepped away from his advances and spun around to face him.

"Are you out of your mind? Ian will destroy you!" I said it with ire in my voice. I wanted him to understand the danger he was in. The danger he put us both in.

"Then I'll die a happy man." He wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Let go of me, Nate! I can't do this!" I stripped his arms off of me, and as soon as I was free, I fled. I ran into the house. Ice was lounging on the floor of the living room still watching the movie. I grabbed his arm and tugged on him. "Come on. We're going to bed, _now_!"

He was tied to Jeb. "What's your hurry?"

"Please. Ice!" By now everyone saw the tears streaming down my face. Jeb and Ice both jumped to their feet. Ice grabbed my hand, and I led him out the door with Jeb following close behind.

"Wanda, what's wrong?"

I couldn't talk. I needed to get away from Nate before he decided to come looking for me. As soon as I was inside the root cellar I hurled my body onto my cot and buried my face in the pillow. I wanted to die. Ian would surely hate me. A minute later Ice entered the room, and the door was locked behind him. He went to his cot and sat down. He didn't say anything. It was obvious to me now that he was single because he had no clue what to say or do. I cried for about a good half hour until my head was pounding.

"Wanda, you want to talk about it?"

"I've ruined everything!" I blurted out.

"It can't be that bad." He said trying to console me.

I never said another word. I just curled up in a ball and tried to hold my pounding head together until eventually exhaustion overtook me. I don't know how long I slept, but when I woke it was still dark, and the light was still on in the room. Ice had fallen asleep sitting up with his head leaning back against the wall. I assume he wanted to be there in case I woke and decided to talk to him. I wanted to get out, but the door was locked. My stomach hurt, and I felt sick. I missed Ian. I knew he'd never want to be near me again. He would kill Nate if given the chance. I needed to leave. I couldn't be here to see the carnage.

The door opened just before the sun rose in the sky. It was Nate. I tried to rush past him. He cornered me and wrapped his arms around my waist. "I need to talk to you."

"Nate, there's nothing to talk about." Ice stirred on his cot. "This is not about you and me." I hissed.

"How can you say that? The kiss was real."

"It doesn't matter. Ian will hate me and he's going to hurt you." I was angry that he still didn't get it. I loved two men but my heart would always be Ian's.

"I accept that." In his deranged mind, he still thought we could be together.

"I don't." Ice was awake now and had been quietly listening to our conversation. I turned my head to Ice. "Please, Ice, I need to get out of here. Will you help me?"

Ice slowly rose from his cot. He was a soul and not a man of violence, but neither was Nate. "Let her go, Nate." Ice said with authority. Nate released me and held out the key. I snatched the key from his hand and bolted out the door locking them both in.

Now that I was out, I needed to decide what to do. My first stop was the bedroom where Kyle and Sunny were sleeping. I snuck in quietly and opened a drawer where much of my clothes were kept. I grabbed an armful of clothes and scooted out the door without closing the drawer. I headed straight to the bathroom, where I changed and brushed my teeth. I kicked my dirty clothes into a corner of the bathroom. I took the rest of the clothes into the kitchen where I found a paper bag to put them in along with my brush and toothbrush.

The sun was up now. I looked at the clock, it was 6:30 AM. I needed to hurry before someone woke up. The keys to the van were back in Sunny and Kyle's room. I had to go back and get them. I was rooting around the room searching for the keys when Sunny woke up. I put my fingers to my lips so she wouldn't wake Kyle. I knew from experience that he was a sound sleeper.

"What are you doing?" She said in voice low enough to be considered a whisper.

I whispered as well. "Looking for the keys to the van."

"Why?"

"I'm leaving."

"What happened last night?"

I felt a stabbing pain in my chest as I relived the episode that would surely destroy my relationship with Ian. My voice hitched. "I can't talk about it. I screwed up my life. I hope you and Kyle will still get married."

"What? Talk to me?" She spoke audibly. I was afraid she would wake Kyle, and he would definitely stop me. The tears started falling as I rushed out the door. By the time Sunny had thrown on enough clothes to exit the bedroom I was exiting the bathroom with _all_ of the medications.

"Where are you going?" She was concerned.

"Away. I've lost…Ian and I can't bear to see the destruction when he gets back." My head started to pound again. I handed her the bag with the drugs. "Here. Don't let Ian kill Nate." The tears were dripping from my jaw line.

"What?" Her face conveyed her confusion.

"Just tell Kyle."

I sprinted out the door and fell to my knees at the bottom of the steps. I quickly got up, grabbed my bag, and rushed to the driver's side door. I got in, put the keys in the ignition, slammed it into drive and took off. Sunny was standing in the driveway with her arms folded over her chest as I drove away. A few miles down the road, I realized that I was exhausted. The few hours I had slept were not peaceful, and the return of my tears reclaimed what little energy I had. I needed to sleep or I might just kill someone on the road. The smart thing to do would be to go see Fluttering, not that anything I had done in the last twelve hours was smart. Fluttering was already aware of my boyfriend troubles so my tears would be of no surprise to her. I pulled up to the hair salon. The hours on the door read 9:30-6:00. It was 7:45. I turned off the vehicle and lay my head back against the headrest.

The tapping on the window woke me. It was Fluttering. "Ashley, wake up honey!" I opened my eyes and rolled down the window. "Don't sleep out here. Come on inside." I silently obeyed. "What's wrong, honey?"

"I ruined everything," I moaned.

"Is that all? You'll be okay, you'll see." I followed her to the back of the salon. There was a back room where the employees spent their down time. There was a well worn couch. She bid me to lay down. "You sleep now. We can talk later." She covered me with a blanket. I don't remember anything after that.


	16. Chapter 16

**I wanted to take this moment to thank the anonymous reviewers for their kind words: Val, Tam, Annabelle, Lou M., and Rozare.**

OPEN WOUNDS

I woke up to the unpleasant smell of hair dye and developer. I was alone. The room was dimly lit. My stomach was growling as I sat up, and I needed to go to the bathroom. I could see light coming from around the corner, so I ventured towards it. There were several people in the chairs being worked on. As I focused on Fluttering, I saw that she was working on Sunny's hair. What was Sunny doing here? Over in the waiting area sat Burns. Fluttering was the first to notice me.

"Hey, sweetie. Are you feeling better? Look who came to rescue you." Fluttering was always happy. She couldn't know the horrible shambles my life was in.

Burns got up immediately and came to me. "Hey, Sis." He hugged me. "Can we talk for a minute?" Burns was generally a serious guy, but today he looked desperate.

"How did you find me?"

"I saw the van when we came back through town."

I led him back to the room I had come from. We sat in the dim light. "What the hell happened last night with Nate?"

"I don't know. We were having a lovely evening, and the next thing I knew he was kissing me." The lump in my throat was coming back.

"We got back, and Ian went looking for you. Sunny told him you were gone. He wanted to know why. She said she didn't know. She only knew that you said you screwed up your life. Ice told him that Nate had cornered you in the root cellar and was talking about you and him being together."

"Oh my god. What happened?" My heart was pounding like crazy.

"He went to the cave and found Nate in his room. He cornered Nate and asked him what happened."

"What did he say?" My stomach was in knots.

"Nate said that you were in love with him and that you spent the night together."

"Oh no. He didn't." My heart sank. "What did Ian do?"

"What do you think he did? He came home to no girlfriend and a guy claiming to have bedded her. He went nuts! He punched Nate in the face repeatedly and broke his nose and his jaw. He tried to strangle him. It took four of us to pull him off of him. We had to tie his hands behind his back and we literally dragged him to the root cellar. We united his hands and locked him in. He started punching the walls. I'm afraid he might try to kill himself. Wanda you have to go back," he pleaded.

I was shaking. "I'm afraid, Burns. He must hate me."

"Why would you sleep with Nate?" Burns was trying to be sympathetic.

"I didn't! Why did Nate tell Ian that I slept with him?"

"He didn't exactly say you slept with him. It was more like he implied it when he said that he spent the night with you."

"Then why didn't he clarify it to him?"

"I honestly don't think he had the chance. Ian broke his jaw pretty much on the first punch. I'm pretty sure Ian broke his hand doing it. Everything happened so fast. Nate didn't even try to defend himself. Even Kyle was shocked at the strength that Ian possessed."

"Superman." I murmured to myself.

Sunny came around the corner with her hair well coifed. She sat down next to me and hugged me tight. "Come home, Wanda. Ian needs you. He's a mess. I used up most of the 'Heal' on Nate. Ian has a broken hand. He won't let me touch him. Burns and I will go find some more meds, but you need to go back. Kyle is waiting for you. He's guarding the door to the root cellar."

"Nate is healed?" I asked hoping that he was.

"Yes. He's resting. It was quite an ordeal."

I got up to leave and immediately felt light headed and had to sit back down.

"Are you okay?" Sunny asked.

"I need to go to the bathroom." Sunny helped me get up and accompanied me to the bathroom. I felt like I had to throw up but I had no food in me. I had the dry heaves. When I came out of the bathroom, Fluttering greeted me with a broiled chicken breast sandwich from the shop next door. She had seen me order it during the lunches we shared during my two previous visits to town.

"Thank you! You are so kind."

"Sweetie, you are a dear friend. I know you are hurting but in my world, food always cures what ails you. Your friend Sunny says that she believes you and your boyfriend belong together, and she wants you to try and patch things up. If I was your mother I would offer you the same advice. You obviously love this boy."

"Thank you Fluttering. You are a good friend."

I ate most of my sandwich. Burns finished what I couldn't. He walked me to the van and hugged me. "Go get him, Sis. Tell him what Nate didn't have the chance to tell him."

Burns and Sunny drove off down the road to a town that had a small hospital. I turned around and headed back to the mountain. I didn't hurry. I was scared and I had to keep talking myself into not turning back. As I pulled around to the back of the house, Jeb and Ice were sitting on the back steps. They sprang to their feet and opened my door.

"Well, little girl, I don't know what you've done, but it's gonna take some doing to fix this. Remember how much you were hurting back at the caverns? For him it's one hundred fold. He feels betrayed. Be _very _careful in how you approach him. If Ian is what you want, you need to let him know that." Jeb was always good at giving advice without being specific. I turned his advice over and over in my head. I suppose the best thing would be to consider my words before speaking them.

Kyle was waiting at the root cellar. I'd never seen Kyle look so afraid. He wasn't afraid for him. He was afraid for his brother.

"How is he?" I spoke softly.

Kyle couldn't speak. His eyes were near tears and he just shook his head.

Seeing Kyle like this made my jaw start to quiver. I felt I needed to apologize to him as much as I needed to apologize to Ian. "I'm sorry, Kyle, I screwed up." He unlocked the door and held it open for me.

I stepped silently into the root cellar. It was dark and at first I couldn't see anything. After a minute my eyes adjusted to the dim light. Ian was sitting on the floor slumped over with his back to me. The wall that he faced looked like Swiss cheese. He had punched at least twenty holes in the wall. The holes were not deep because behind this wall was dirt. The root cellar was underground on that side of the room. In addition to the holes, there was blood spattered everywhere that he had landed a punch. It looked like the scene of a bizarre murder. I wanted to run to Ian but I couldn't. I was terrified by what I was looking at. I knew that Nate had suffered at the hands of Ian and even though I deserved it, I didn't want to get hit. I stood with my back against the wall near the door. It wasn't locked, but I couldn't walk away from this. I had to face the music. I just stood there, shaking, my eyes fixated on the back of his head.

He remained quiet for some time so when he spoke, it took me by surprise and made me jump. "Wanda, why are you here?" Besides the fact that his voice was cold, he had called me Wanda. That was like a stab in my heart. The question although very simple was filled with implications. If Burns had not come to get me, I would undoubtedly still be at the salon. Did I come back because they forced me to? No, I didn't _have_ to come back. Did I come back because I was afraid Ian would commit suicide? Yes, there was that, but it wasn't the only reason. I came back because I still harbored that tiny grain of hope that Ian might still love me enough to forgive me. I didn't know how to put what I wanted to say into words. He put his hands on the floor at his sides to push himself to his feet and I could see the dried blood that completely covered his hands. He cried out as he tried to use them and ended up on his knees bent over absorbing the excruciating pain he was in.

"Ian. Your hands! Please let me heal them!"

"NO!" he growled.

The tears that had finally dried on the way home were coming yet again. Ian was on his feet now and turned to face me. My chest heaved as I saw that the look on his face was as crippled as his hands. He stepped towards me and stopped about a foot away. His face was contorted from the pain. "You didn't answer my question." He hissed.

All I could squeak out was "I'm sorry."

"DON'T SAY YOU'RE SORRY!" He bellowed as he swung his arms in the air. I flinched and turned my head to the side and closed my eyes. I was waiting for him to punch me. "Tell me, why are you here?"

I panicked. I blurted out the only thing that made sense to me. "I'm here because I love you."

He got in my face and exploded. "YOU LOVE ME? ...YOU LOVE ME?"

I couldn't back away. I was already up against the wall. I just cringed. "You love me, but as soon as I leave you are ready to jump in bed with Nate?"

I answered quickly. "I didn't…I wouldn't!" I reached out to touch his face and he backed away from me. "Ian I…"

He blasted me. "YOU DON'T TALK UNLESS I ASK YOU A QUESTION!" I lowered my eyes to the floor. He walked around the room as if he was debating on whether to ask the next question. I was shivering. My headache returned.

He brought his voice back down to almost a whisper. "He told me you were in love with him. Did you tell him that?"

"No, I never said that I was _in_ love with him."

"But you _do_ love him."

I didn't answer.

He spoke slowly. "Wanda. Do you love him?"

If I lied he would see right through it. "Yes, but…"

He punched the wall next to my head. I slid to the floor and cowered. Ian screamed out in pain. He cradled his hand in his forearm since that hand was broken too.

"GET UP!" He snapped.

Kyle had obviously heard Ian yell 'get up'. He came rushing in to see if I was hurt.

It took a minute for his eyes to adjust to changes in light. He couldn't see if I had been hurt. "Wanda?"

I raised my head to look at Kyle. "He didn't hurt me." I stood up slowly. I was shaking violently but I was too afraid to cry. Kyle didn't say anything further. He went back outside and closed the door gently.

I tried to be brave. "My love for him and my love for you are not the same."

The presence of Kyle must have calmed him because he spoke in a stoic voice.

"I nearly killed him when he told me that he begged you to make love to him. Do you know that? If they hadn't pulled me off of him, he would be dead right now."

I didn't know how to respond to that. Nate knew what was coming. Burns said Nate didn't even try to fight back.

"I can't think about Nate right now."

Ian turned his back to me again. He spoke in a low voice. "Wanda, they are leaving tonight. Go back to the caverns and take him with you."

"NO!" I bolted across the room and threw my arms around his neck. I pulled with all my might so my legs were off the ground and I wrapped them around Ian's waist similar to what I had done to Kyle when he was trying to throw me into the underground hot spring. Ian couldn't pull me off because his hands were useless. "No, Ian. I won't go. You can't make me go." I was pleading with him. My chest was heaving and I couldn't catch my breath.

He spoke as he had so many weeks ago in defeat. "Then, I'll go."

"NO!" I squeezed him tighter around his neck.

"Let go, Wanda!"

"NO!" He struggled to one of the cots and sat down with me still clinging to him. "Yell at me, beat me, do anything you want but don't leave me and don't make me go. PLEASE!" I was crying uncontrollably. Now that he was sitting I was in his lap. I pulled my head off his shoulder. I looked in his dead eyes. I was desperate. "I won't live without you. I can shred this brain you know."

The deadness in his eyes turned to horror. "You wouldn't."

"I don't want to!" I pulled my arms around his neck. "I'm sorry. It will never happen again. Please, Ian. Please!" I felt his arms slowly pull around my back. It was the smallest of signs. "I'll be the perfect girlfriend. I promise. Please give me another chance."

He was crying now too. "I don't know if I can."

We both cried for a long time. Eventually, I pulled my face to his and I tried to kiss him but he pulled away. "No." He spoke softly.

"Please!" I yearned for his kiss. I never wanted anything more in my whole life.

He was calm. "I need you to tell me what happened last night and don't leave anything out."

I tried bargaining. "Then will you kiss me?"

"I don't know."

"Let me at least heal your hands first." I knew they had used most of the 'Heal' on Nate but maybe even a little would help.

"No. I'm too upset to control myself right now and I don't want to hurt you."

"I don't believe you could hurt me." I lied. I was surprised he hadn't already hurt me, but I was sitting on his lap with my legs still tightly wrapped around his waist. The only way he could inflict pain would be with his hands. That would undoubtedly hurt him more than me. Unless, he head butted me and my head was already pounding.

"Wanda, you're evading the question." He growled in my face.

"Okay." My voice hitched. I spoke like a child in trouble crying to its mother. "I was bored without you." Right there I had already indirectly shifted the blame onto Ian. "I ran into Nate and he offered to take a walk with me. He asked me if I had ever been to the caves at night." I had to stop and wipe my tears from my face.

Ian had no reaction to my tears. "And?"

"And he showed me a special place in the caves where you can see all the stars in the sky. Then he showed me his room." Ian closed his eyes and lowered his head. "Nothing happened. I never even sat down."

He sighed and then opened his eyes. "Go on."

"We came back to the house and sat on the front steps. He asked me about the argument at the baseball game." Now I was careful because I wanted to get the conversation as close to the exact words as possible. "I told him that you were jealous of him."

"Did he not know that?"

"I don't know. He said he was jealous of you."

"That's understandable."

I hugged him again. "Oh, Ian! I don't want to do this!"

"You have to or it's never going to work between us."

"At least call me Wanderer. It's me, in here that you're mad at."

"Forget it. I'm out of here." He tried to get up.

"NO!" I wrapped myself tightly around him and he tried to peel me off of him but his broken hands couldn't grab me.

"AAARGH!" he cried out in pain. I locked my arms around his neck and didn't move for several minutes before he calmed himself enough to speak. "Wanderer." He paused. "If you truly love me then will tell me what happened." He spoke softly into my ear since he couldn't pull back to see my face.

"I don't remember where I was."

"You said he was jealous of me."

I eased my grip on his neck and leaned back so there was a space between his body and mine. I swallowed hard. "I told him that you insisted that I still had a thing for him. He asked me how I responded to that. I told him that I didn't say anything. Then I got up and walked to the top of the stairs and leaned against a railing on the porch."

Ian was tense. "Go on."

"Wait. I'm trying to remember exactly what he said." I stared off blankly trying to concentrate. "He said something had been bothering him for a long time. He said it was something you said."

Ian creased his forehead. "Something _I_ said?"

"Yes, I was curious too."

"Well, what was it?"

"Before he spoke, he moved in front of me and placed his hands on the rail on either side of me. I remember feeling very uncomfortable." I looked away from Ian's face.

"So he trapped you." Ian surmised.

My legs had relaxed as the conversation had progressed. I looked down at the empty space between his chest and mine.

"Wanderer?"

"Initially, yes I was trapped."

"What was it I said to provoke this?"

"He said that when you sent me away to the caverns, you asked me to take him with me. I reminded him that I didn't because I didn't need to. I knew after one kiss that it was you I wanted to be with. Nate said when he told you that _I_ initiated the kiss, and that he responded by kissing me back that _you_ said that I tried too hard. He said that I had already made my mind up to not enjoy the kiss because I was afraid. He said I never gave us a chance. Then he kissed me. I tried to stop him at first."

"At first." He looked into my eyes. "So, you kissed him back."

My tears stung my already swollen cheeks. "I'm sorry Ian. As soon as it was over, I wished that I could take it back, but I couldn't." I was afraid that he would push me off of his lap, so I pulled myself tightly around his neck and locked my elbows with my hands. I couldn't see his face but I didn't have to.

His lips were near my ear. "You kissed him back so you must have enjoyed it."

It wasn't a question, so I didn't answer him. He slammed his fists down on the wooden edge of the cot and howled out in pain. I flinched and held on.

"Wanda, get off me before I throw you off!" he barked in my ear.

I didn't move. He called me Wanda again, and it stung. I chose my words carefully because I knew Ian was on the edge. I tried very hard to speak clearly into his ear without crying or blubbering. "No matter how I felt about the kiss, it never changed the way I feel about you. And it will never happen again because I won't be stupid enough to put myself in that position." I was angry at how Nate had tricked me. I punched Ian's back in anger. "I bet he was just waiting for the moment to get me alone."

"Wanderer?" he whispered.

He called me Wanderer so I felt that I could release my grasp to look at his face. As I pulled back I put my hands on his face and I leaned in and pressed my lips to his. I felt the charge of electricity between us. It lasted only a few seconds before Ian pulled away. "Stop," he whispered.

"Why? I don't want to stop." How could he not feel what I felt?

His voice was still cold. "You promised to tell me everything that happened." He paused and then he looked into my eyes. "Did you sleep with him?"

"NO!" My eyes did not waiver from his.

"Then what happened after the kiss?"

"He said, 'I knew it'. Then he said 'You are in love with me too'."

"What did you say?"

"I didn't say anything. I was crying. I turned my back on him."

Ian looked lost. "Why were you crying?"

Now I looked into his eyes. They were dark blue in the dim light and piercing. "Because I knew that I could lose you."

Ian sighed and looked away from me. I knew this was not a good sign. Without looking back at me he continued. "So, you turned your back on him."

I swallowed again. My throat was dry and I couldn't produce any moisture in my mouth. "Yes, he came up behind me and kissed my neck. That was when he told me that he wanted to make love to me."

"So …why didn't you?"

I pulled his face to look at me. "When your lover is Superman, why would you want anyone else?" I was hoping to make him smile but he didn't.

"If that was true then why would you _kiss_ someone else?" He was giving up.

"Come on, Ian! I didn't _ask _him to kiss me!" I needed to keep up my defenses because I wasn't going to let him give up. I was holding on by a precarious thread.

For the third time I tried to kiss him, and again, I was able to taste his lips for a few seconds before he pulled away. "Damn it, Wanderer!"

"What?" He called me Wanderer again. That was good. All of a sudden he looked really pale. He closed his eyes. "Ian! Are you okay?"

"It's the pain. Just give me a minute. I'll be okay."

I slid off of his lap carefully. I went to the door. Kyle was still outside. The sun was very bright and it tortured my eyes. I felt a wave of nausea pass through me.

"Did Burns and Sunny get back yet?"

"No, I haven't seen them."

"He's in a lot of pain. Don't we have _any _'No Pain'?"

"I don't know. Do you want me to check?"

"Yes, in the bedroom. Look in my bag. There might be a bottle in there somewhere."

It was a relief to get back in the dim light of the root cellar. Ian was still sitting with his eyes closed. I brushed my fingers through his hair. He opened his eyes.

"Ian you might be going into shock from the pain. Maybe you should lie down."

"No." He muttered.

"Why are you fighting me on this?"

"He asked you to make love."

I was tired of this conversation. I wanted to take care of his physical needs. "That's it. The end."

"It's not the end. I want to hear it all." His voice was weak.

"Ian, do we have to do this right now?"

"Yes. What happened that you keep avoiding the question?"

I had to get through this in order for him to let me help him. "He said he wanted to make love to me. I pulled myself free of him and I asked him if he was out of his mind. I told him you would hurt him."

Ian's eyes closed and he started to fall sideways onto the cot. I caught him in my arms and held his head to my breast. I started to cry again. His hands were so swollen. It was painful to even look at them. Where the hell was Burns? I pulled out my cell phone. I dialed Burns' number on the speed dial.

"Hello?"

"Burns, where are you?"

"We're on our way back. We should be there within the hour. How are things?"

"He's going into shock. Both of his hands are busted up pretty badly. I'm really worried."

"Okay. As soon I get there I will come straight to you."

"We're still in the root cellar."

"How are you doing? The two of you I mean?"

"I don't know. He's very angry."

Kyle came through the door at that moment waving a little bottle. "I found some."

"Burns I gotta go. Kyle found some 'No Pain'." I snapped the phone shut and shoved it back in my pocket.

I turned my attention to Ian. "Ian, wake up. I need you to open your mouth so we can take away the pain."

"No." He didn't open his eyes but he was awake.

"Please, if you love me, you will do this, Please? I love you. I need you."

Ian opened his eyes.

Kyle held out the last translucent strip of 'No Pain'. "Come on, Bro. Open up."

Ian opened his mouth, and Kyle placed the 'No Pain' on his tongue. Ian closed his mouth. He closed his eyes again. We waited. After about a minute Ian took a deep breath. "That's better." His voice was normal again. I kissed the top of his head.

Kyle smiled. "Your hands are still broken, so let's try not to do anymore damage, okay?"

"Okay."

Ian sat up. Kyle hugged him.

Ian obviously was still not satisfied with our conversation. "I don't remember where we were in your 'night with Nate'."

Kyle interrupted. "I should leave. I'll be right outside if you need me."

"Thank you Kyle." I hugged him quickly and turned back to Ian. If I was going to finish this I wanted to be in the safety of his lap again.

"May I?" I gestured towards his lap and raised my leg to indicate I was climbing back on. The good thing about 'No Pain' is it makes not only your body feel better but your mind as well. I planned to take full advantage of that. He didn't deny my advance so I climbed right back on and immediately put my arms around his neck.

"You look better."

"I _feel_ better." He smiled for the first time. It made me feel warm.

"Good. Can I kiss you _now_?"

"Can you finish the story now?" He was not going to let this go.

I begged. "One kiss?"

He pecked me on the lips quickly.

"Not fair!"

"What's not fair is you dragging this out. I don't want to make the wrong decision."

"It doesn't matter. I won't let you leave me." I tried to sound confident.

Now his smile was gone again. "Please, Wanderer, tell me what happened after he told you that he wanted to make love to you."

"I told you this already." Another wave of nausea took hold of me.

I could see he was frustrated but he kept his voice level. "I was a little out of it. Do me a favor and refresh my memory."

"Okay, let me start by saying that I love you very much."

Ian raised an eyebrow to me.

"Nate told me that he wanted to make love to me." I felt like if I said this one more time I was going to scream. "He whispered it in my ear actually. I pulled away from him and said and I quote: 'Are you out of your mind? Ian will destroy you!'." I was very animated as I told him this as I tried to relive the moment.

"You know me so well." He pulled his mangled hand up to rub his forehead.

"Ian!" I caught his arm before he touched his hand to his head.

"Sorry, I forgot." He put his arm back on his knee where it had been resting before.

"He said he would die a happy man and then he pulled me to him."

My cell phone rang at that instant. I pulled the phone out of my pocket. "It might be Burns." I looked at the number. "It's Nate."

At that moment Ian growled and stood up. My arms were not around him and I was suddenly falling head first to the cement floor. He realized what was happening and instantly sat back down and caught my body in his hands just before my head was about to hit. The phone flew out of my hand and skidded away from us. I shrieked in fear. He pulled me tight to his chest. I felt so relieved. I felt his hands on me. The bones were already broken and disjointed. Using them could only make things worse.

"Ian, your hands."

"It doesn't matter. I don't feel any pain. You could have been hurt."

I put my hands on his face and turned my head to the side to kiss him. He didn't pull away. I pressed my open mouth to his. He kissed me back. I was delirious. I held his face and guided his head as I kissed him again and again before I finally pushed my tongue into his mouth. Our tongues circled each other. I licked his lower lip. He caught my lower lip between his lips and then pulled it gently between his teeth. "I love you." He whispered between several smaller kisses.

All of a sudden Burns came crashing into the room. "I've got the meds." He was followed by Kyle, Sunny, and Nate. It took a moment for their eyes to adjust and they stared at me sitting in Ian's lap with my legs wrapped around him. We definitely did not look like we had been fighting. Sunny called out 'Yes' and pulled her fist in a victory pump. Everyone was smiling at us except Nate.

Ian growled when he saw Nate. "You son of a bitch. I'll kill you!"

I pulled myself around Ian again and whispered in his ear. "No. He's not worth it. Focus on us. Please? I need you." I pulled back and stroked his face until he stopped looking at Nate, and focused only on me. "That's better." I didn't take my eyes off of Ian as I addressed Burns. "Burns will you come and take care of Ian while I talk to Nate?"

"I don't want you talking to him." Ian barked. I promised to be the perfect girlfriend, but I had a score to settle with Nate.

"Please, Ian, I need to do this. We won't leave. We can talk right here. I won't talk to him unless you say it's okay."

Ian closed his eyes. "Go."

"Thank you." I carefully climbed off of Ian's lap and turned towards Nate. He was standing near the door. I crossed to him but I stopped a few feet short. "Hey…are you better?"

His dark eyes were sad. "Yes. I'm better now."

"I heard it was bad. I tried to warn you."

"I know."

Enough small talk. I needed to get to my point. "Why did you lie to Ian?"

"About what?"

"About us. Why did you tell him that I slept with you?" I knew Ian was listening to our conversation.

"I didn't lie about anything," he said with a straight face.

I was stunned. He was taking my words and twisting them around. Technically he never told Ian that he had slept with me. Ian assumed it. Nate just never denied it so therefore, he never actually lied. I had to try a different approach.

"Are you saying you slept with me?"

"You know you wanted it," he replied. I stumbled back. He didn't answer the question. He again implied that we had. Ian roared and lunged towards Nate. Kyle and Burns pulled Ian back. Nate stepped quickly towards the door and before he left he said, "I'll always love you." And then he was gone.

Ian stared at me with fury in his eyes. "YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T SLEEP WITH HIM!" He bellowed.

"I DIDN'T!" I wailed. This new scream fest was making me dizzy.

"GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!" he screamed.

"NO!" I screamed back.

Sunny grabbed Kyle and Burns, and pulled them towards the door.

"I haven't finished healing him!" Burns protested.

"This is more important." Sunny spoke with authority. The door shut behind them and I heard the lock click.

I was alone again with Ian and he was furious. I crossed the room to where Ian was standing. I tried to hug him.

"Oh no. Not this time," he said defiantly.

"Ian, I didn't sleep with him. He twisted everything I said to him."

Ian stood in the middle of the room and stared at the ceiling with his arms outstretched. "WHY ME? WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?"

My heart was pounding out of my chest. I felt dizzy and nauseated. I climbed onto Ice's cot and lay down. All the work I had done to try to fix things, and Nate destroyed it in a few sentences. My head was pounding again just like last night. I curled up in a ball and tried to squeeze the pounding from my head.

Ian called out, "Wanda, get up."

"No, it hurts."

He stood over me and grabbed my wrists from around my head. "Don't you do anything stupid."

It was my turn to give up. "Ian I love you, but I can't fight anymore. I'm exhausted and my head is pounding. Leave me now. I'll go back to the caverns…alone." I couldn't even cry.

Ian stood over me. "So, are you going to let him win?" He seemed sad.

"He already did. You believe him over me." I put my arm over my eyes to block out the light.

"Wanda, get up." It was an order.

"No. I feel sick."

He tried bargaining. "I want to show you why I went on the road trip with Burns."

"I don't care."

He was frustrated now. He grabbed me by the arms and pulled me out of the bed and to my feet. The sudden change in position made me queasy. There was a bad taste rising up the back of my throat. I tasted hot water in my mouth. My migraine headache had come full circle. My knees buckled as the vomit came up my throat. Ian reacted quickly. He circled around my back and wrapped his arms around my waist to keep me from kneeling in my own vomit. He pulled my hair away from my face. "Are you done?"

"I think so."

He scooped me up and cradled me in his arms. He kicked at the door. "Open up, Wanderer is sick."


	17. Chapter 17

On the subject of Nate:  
Nate's not a bad guy, he's just in love. It sucks being the guy on the outside. I think Nate and Ian are both the types of guys that did not expect to find love now that the human race has dwindled so. Ian is doing the best he can in a situation that he feels he can't always control. Nate on the other hand just wants an equal chance to prove to her that he could be the one. Wanderer in my opinion feels love for everyone. She just doesn't know how to separate 'love' from 'in love'. Maybe it's because she is a soul.  
I personally love Nate. I love Ian too. I guess that's why the part of Wanderer is written in first person.-NL

ENGAGING SITUATON

The door opened and he stepped out into the late afternoon sunlight. I was blinded by it. I pushed my face into Ian's chest and blocked the sunlight with my arms. Ian carried me into the house to the bedroom and put me down gently on the bed. It was our bed. It least, it used to be.

"What's wrong with her?" Kyle asked.

"I'm pretty sure it's a migraine."

"Hold on, I have the 'No Pain' right here." He handed it to Ian.

"Come on, Babydoll, open your mouth." I did as he said and he put the 'No Pain' on my tongue. Within a minute, all of my symptoms had vanished. I was still tired but the pounding and the nausea and the sensitivity to light were all gone.

"Thank you."

Ian sat at on the edge of the bed. "You scared the crap out of me. I thought you were trying to shred your brain."

"No. That would only be a last resort and I would want Nate to suffer too." I couldn't believe that I had wished ill will on Nate. What was wrong with me?

Burns pressed forward. "Will you _please_ let me finish healing you?"

"Sure." He held his hands out to Burns. Ian looked at me. His eyes were suddenly filled with excitement. "I have a better idea for Nate. It's even better than death."

"What?" I was afraid of what he might be thinking.

"Torture." He smiled.

"You _can't _torture him"

"Oh, but I _can_ and you are going to love this." He turned to Kyle and Sunny. "Would you please go and find Nate and bring him back here. Make sure he knows that I am not going to hurt him."

"There…I'm all done." Burns announced.

"Thanks."

Ian went to the closet and pulled out one my baby doll dresses. He put it on the bed. "Put this on."

"Why?"

"Perfect girlfriends don't ask questions. Just trust me." He went to the dresser and picked out clean clothes.

"Where are _you_ going?" I asked.

He seemed like he was on a mission.

"Shower, I'll be back. Don't go _anywhere_!" He leaned over me and kissed me on the lips. "Burns come with me." Ian exited the room with Burns close behind.

I was left alone in the room and I was totally confused. Just when I had altogether given up any shred of hope that Ian and I would reconcile, he's calling me Babydoll and ordering everyone around with a gleam in his eyes over torturing Nate. And to top it all off, he says I will love it? I'm not a big fan of torture. Maybe, he's snapped. That's it! He's Looney tunes. I decided it might be best to put on my dress as instructed. After about fifteen minutes, Ian returned looking very handsome. He was wearing black jeans that fit him just right and the form fitting shirt that I had recently bought him.

His smile was brilliant. "Go make yourself pretty."

"I'm not pretty?" I was insulted.

"Of course you are. You know what I mean."

"Kiss me first." I was bargaining now.

"Perfect girlfriend, remember?"

"Perfect girlfriends kiss their boyfriends."

"Okay, one kiss."

"And not a peck, either."

Ian put his arm around my waist and pulled me until my body slapped up against his iron chest. He slid his fingers through my hair and grabbed a handful in the back of my head. He kissed me quickly and then quick again and then he let his warm lips caress mine. Then he kissed my neck and then my collarbone. "Go get ready….please?"

I turned to go and he slapped my butt. He was playful. I would say he was giddy. What kind of drugs did they give him? I decided that since I was in the bathroom anyway, I might as well shower so I could wash my hair. I _had _vomited. Who knows what could be stuck in this mop? I took my time. If Ian wanted the 'perfect girlfriend'; he would get it. I could hear the back door slamming again and again. It sounded like the crowd was rolling in. When I finally looked 'perfect', I came out of the bathroom. There were about twenty people in the living room. All my friends were there. Kyle and Sunny, Burns, Jeb, Ice, Jamie and Megan, Rachel and Rob, Tom, Evan, Maria, Carlos, Miranda and Maxim, Kim, and even Holly and Kara were there. Nate was there too.

"Here she is." Ian came to me and took me by the hand and led me to the front of the crowd. Maybe he was sending me back to the caverns and he figured I wouldn't argue in front of a crowd. I was scared. Ian spoke to me. "As you know, I went on a special road trip with Burns. I wanted to tell you why."

He addressed the crowd. "Please bear with me. This will be the third time I am doing this, so with luck I'll do this right."

Ian turned back to me. He put his hand on my cheek and looked at me lovingly.

"Wanderer, I have marveled at your resilience when fighting for your life and Melanie's. I have personally taken your beautiful soul from Melanie's body and placed it in this _gorgeous_ body. I have been a part of the ups and downs of a new relationship and through it all I have never stopped loving you. Today, I nearly walked away from you for the second time but thankfully the fear of losing you snapped me back to reality. I love you Wanderer, every piece of you. I know I don't want to live on this earth without you and you have expressed the same commitment to me time and time again. I know that your kind soul feels love for many in many different ways but I also know that _our_ love is greater than all the others combined. For this reason I ask you." He pulled a little red box from his pocket and got down on one knee. "Wanderer, will you marry me?"

I started to shake my hands because they were numb. I took the box from his hand. I was nervous.

"Go ahead, open it. I picked it out myself."

"How?" It was all that would come out of my mouth.

"We went at night when the place was closed. I chose from the displays in the window. In the morning, Burns went in and purchased it. Open it."

I slowly opened the box. I pulled my hand to my mouth to muffle the gasp. It was exquisite. It was a one carat perfectly square cut diamond with two triangular sapphires connecting the band.

"You see? The sapphires are blue like my eyes. They protect the beautiful sparkling diamond in the middle. That's you."

"Oh, Ian! I don't know what to say!"

He chuckled. "Yes would be nice."

I pulled my hand away from my mouth and spoke loudly. "Yes!" I lunged at him.

"Wait! Let me put it on your finger." My hand trembled as he placed it on my finger. "It looks good there." He kissed my hand. Then he rose off of his knee and placed his hands on my face and kissed me. A roar went up from the crowd followed by clapping. It was surreal. We kissed for what seemed like a long time. Sunny told me later that it was only a few seconds.

The announcement turned into an engagement party. Burns took off to town as soon as I said the word 'yes' to get Champagne, Beer, and other party essentials. The beer that was in the refrigerator was pulled out and offered to the guests. Both Kyle and Ian declined the beer. I stayed glued to Ian's side. We worked the room thanking each of the well wishers. Jamie played DJ at the stereo.

After a while, Ian and I were able to steal a few minutes alone in the kitchen. I immediately threw my arms around Ian's neck and he picked me up off the ground. I was beaming. "Thank you."

Ian looked puzzled. "For what?"

"For forgiving me."

He looked very serious. "I never said I forgive you." He couldn't hold his serious face. It gave way to a huge grin.

"Ian!" I smacked him on his shoulder.

He had his arms wrapped tightly around my thighs so I could look him in his sparking eyes. "I really love you, you know that?" he cooed.

"Yes I do and I _will_ be the perfect girlfriend."

"Fiancée." He corrected me.

"Fiancée." I giggled.

"Are you tired?"

"No."

"Good, because you _won't_ be sleeping tonight!" he assured me.

"Promise?"

"Oh, yeah. I am feeling no pain Babe." I raised my eyebrow at him. "I mean Babydoll."

I smiled again. I looked at my beautiful ring. "It fits perfectly. How?"

"I did it while you slept. I took a strip of paper and I wrapped it around your finger and I taped it to the right size. You actually woke up and I kissed you and told you to go back to sleep. Do you like the ring?"

"I love it." I looked at Ian. "I love _you."_

He walked to the kitchen counter and eased me onto it. He pushed my legs open and stepped in between them. "You make me crazy. You know that?"

"Is that bad?" I was teasing him.

He bypassed my lips and went straight for my neck. He used the tip of his tongue and ran it slowly from the base of my neck to my jaw line and then he gently kissed my jaw. "I could eat you right now." He whispered in my ear. I closed my eyes and shivered in excitement. I felt his lips on mine. His hands were in my hair and I in turn ran my hands through his. It was so good to feel his luscious lips on mine. He nibbled on my lips. I began to breathe heavily as I wished he would take me right here in the kitchen.

"Whoa! Get a room!" Jamie had entered the kitchen. We stopped immediately and I rubbed my lips together to savor the moment.

"I couldn't help myself." Ian pulled me off the counter and set me on my feet. He looked at Jamie. "What can I get for you?"

"I just came to get a soda."

"Yeah, so did we."

The kitchen door opened again. "Excuse me, coming through!" It was Burns and he was carrying a pile of pizza boxes.

"Wow!" Jamie cried. "You went all out."

Burns saw us. "Hey! I didn't get a chance to congratulate you. Sunny had me out the door right when you said 'yes'. I hope I didn't miss anything."

Burns plunked down the boxes onto the table. He rushed over to me and scooped me up in his usual bear hug. "I'm so happy for you, Sis. When's the special day?"

No one had asked me this question. I guess everyone was just relieved we were getting married. I looked at Ian because I honestly didn't know.

Ian answered. "In the Fall?"

I smiled at Burns. "In the Fall."

"Here? Or in the caverns?"

Again I looked at Ian for the answer.

Again it was Ian who answered. "I don't know. I guess we will have to discuss that."

"Well no matter where we have it, I know you will be there because you have to give me away." I gushed.

"Really?" Burns' eyes lit up.

"Really." He hugged me again. "It would be an honor." Burns walked over to Ian and gave him a big hug as well.

The door opened and several people came in carrying cases of beer and champagne as well as bags filled with party essentials and two coolers filled with ice. Kim grabbed the bag of plastic champagne glasses and shouted. "Would someone carry the champagne to the living room and help me?"

"I got it." Burns replied and picked up a case of champagne and followed her.

We exited the kitchen. There was too much going on in there. Our quiet retreat was over. Ice, who was not tethered to anyone, walked up to Ian and handed him a bottle of beer. Ian handed it back to Ice. "No can do. I'm on probation."

Ice immediately looked at me. "He can have _one_. Right?"

I didn't want to be a prude. "Of course he can." I smiled at Ian. I hoped he would remain true to his word and not get drunk. The memory of his drunken behavior made me shudder.

Ian raised the bottle to his lips and drank. "Ahhhh. That's good." He announced.

Ice offered me a beer as well. "Would you like one?"

"She's seventeen man." Ian blurted out. Great, everyone here thought I was at least eighteen. I hadn't even told Ian the truth until only a few days ago after we made love in the Jacuzzi. Ice had never asked how old I was. He assumed I was older.

"Get out." He staggered back. "Rob the cradle much?"

I leaned in to Ice. "Keep it under your hat. Everyone here thinks I'm eighteen."

I leered at Ian.

He smiled that goofy smile he made when he knew he screwed up. He held his arms out. "What? Does one year really matter?"

"It does in dog years." I sneered.

People started heading towards the kitchen and returning with pizza. Sunny brought bowls filled with chips and trail mix and placed them on different tables in the room. Kim was nearly finished filling the champagne glasses she had assembled on the coffee table.

Kyle approached us. He nodded towards the beer in Ian's hand. "Drinking huh?"

"Just one"

"Yeah, Sunny threatened me so I guess I'm being good."

I laughed at him.

"What's so funny?" he snapped.

"You are so whipped," I teased him.

"Oh and he's not?" He pointed to Ian.

"Well, I might whip him later but only if he begs," I smirked.

"Oooo, kinky!" Kyle shot back. We all laughed.

Just then the back door slammed. It was Nate. I hadn't even noticed that he was missing. He wasn't smiling. He looked a little like a deer in headlights. He crossed the room and disappeared into the kitchen.

Kim was busy dispensing the champagne. She even gave some to the teens, which was funny because _I_ was a teen as well even if I didn't feel like one. Maybe that's why she did it. A bunch of people came out of the kitchen. Nate was the last one out. Ian looked directly at Nate, raised his beer to him, and chugged most of it down. Nate glanced over at me while Ian drank. Our eyes met briefly and then he turned away. I was annoyed that Ian was taking such great pleasure in flaunting our engagement in his face. 'Torture' was what he called it. Ian said I would enjoy it but he was wrong. Although I was thrilled to have Ian as my fiancé, I didn't _enjoy_ hurting _anyone. _

Sunny gave me and Ian a glass of champagne. Kyle came over to us and so did Burns. Jamie cut the music. Burns spoke first. He spoke slowly in a casual tone.

"Hey everyone." He paused and looked down at the floor for a moment, and then looked back up at the crowd. "When I first met all of you, I felt like a square peg forced into a round hole. Then a few months ago, I ran into Jeb's clan out there in the desert and I found out that I wasn't the only soul who had chosen life with the humans. I spotted her immediately trying to hide among them." He smiled at me. "Imagine my surprise to finally meet someone like me. Of Course, I thought we would be the perfect match. Little did I know that she had already found _her_ perfect match. Ian has shown love for her that I could only dream of. They are two people who challenge each other every day but in the end their hearts never waiver. I salute you and congratulate you, Ian and _Wanderer._ I hope you share a long and happy life."

"Here, here!" Everyone cried as they raised their glasses.

Ian had slipped his arm around me midway through Burns' speech. Now he leaned down and kissed my lips and I pulled his face to me with my free hand.

Kyle stepped up to where Burns had been standing. Kyle hugged Ian before he began his speech.

"Hi guys. In case you don't know, I am Ian's brother." Everyone laughed because it was obvious that they were. "Okay, I get it. We look a little alike." Everyone laughed again. When the laughter died down, Kyle continued. "When I first met Wanda…excuse me, _Wanderer_, I hated her and everything she stood for. So did Ian." Ian pulled me close to him. I lay my head on his chest. "Our mission in life was to destroy her and we very nearly did. But Ian here, he saw something in her. He looked beneath the surface and saw her soul. Pardon my pun." He paused. "Every moment he spent with her, he fell more and more in love with her. He's seen her for what she truly is and even _that_ did not deter his love for her. These two have been to hell and back more than once but they always hang on. You've got to admire that." Kyle turned to me and continued to speak. "Wanderer, you've made me a believer. I love you and I will be very proud to call you my sister. Congratulations, both of you." Kyle pulled me away from Ian and hugged me tenderly and kissed my face.

Again the crowd shouted, "Here, here." And everyone drank. I was teary eyed at this point. Ian couldn't stop smiling.

Ian spoke. "Thank you. My beautiful fiancée and I would like to invite _all_ of you to our wedding. We are shooting for a Fall fiesta. We are not sure whether it will be held here or the caverns but regardless I hope to see each and every one of you there. Enjoy the rest of the party!"

The music came back up and everyone started to mill about. At about eleven o'clock people started to leave. Ian was true to his word. He never picked up another bottle of beer. I _did_ see Kyle with one as the evening progressed so I guessed that Sunny must have given him the 'go ahead'. Ian was lounging on the couch and I was standing with Sunny and Megan talking about the wedding plans. Nate approached me for the first time all night. He asked me if he could talk to me alone for a second. I could see Ian out of the corner of my eye. He was watching me. I stepped away from the girls and walked slowly towards the bedroom door. I turned so Nate's back was to Ian and I was facing him. I wanted to keep a close eye on Ian, just in case.

"I would like to say that you look especially beautiful tonight."

"Thank you."

"You're glowing." He refrained from touching me but I could see the sincerity in his eyes.

"I'm happy."

"I wanted to apologize to you for what I said or rather for what I _didn't_ say this afternoon. I was stupid. I was hoping Ian would dump you and you would run to me."

"I'm sorry he disappointed you." I glanced over at Ian and he looked very agitated.

"He loves you. I see that now. I just wanted to say congratulations."

Nate leaned in towards me. I froze. He kissed me on the cheek and stepped away just as I saw Ian spring off the couch.

"Thank you." I spoke in a low voice.

Nate crossed to the door to leave as Ian crossed the room to me.

Ian was clearly irritated. "What was that all about?"

"He apologized and said congratulations."

"Is that all?" He demanded.

Now I was irritated. "Did you _want _there to be more?"

"No, I…."

I put my arms around his waist and put my chin on his chest as I looked up at him. "Superman, I love you." He put his hand in my hair and stroked the back of my neck. "I'm ready to turn in. It's been a long day," I said softly.

"I know. If we sneak off, do you think they will notice?"

"Probably."

"I guess you're right. We should say good night to our guests."

Ian and I circled the room saying good night to each of our guests. Then we came to Kyle and Sunny. "Wait! Where are we sleeping? You two were supposed to leave tonight."

Sunny answered the question. "Kyle is staying with Ice in the root cellar and I will be sleeping on the couch. You take the bedroom. This is your night."

"Oh, yeah. Make up sex!" Kyle howled.

Then I remembered the root cellar. "Oh no! I never cleaned up the mess I made on the floor of the root cellar!"

"I did it Babydoll while you were in the shower. Everything is taken care of."

We called out one last 'good night' and made our escape.

I lay on my back on the bed and admired my ring. "It's so beautiful!"

Ian took off his shirt. He plopped down on the bed next to me. "It's still not as beautiful as you are."

"Why are you so good to me?"

"I don't know. Why?"

I spoke in a baby voice. "Because you love me?"

"No. That's not it." He scooped his arm around my waist so I couldn't get away as he laughed.

I folded my arms across my chest and pouted.

He rolled so his face was over mine. "Did I tell you how absolutely breathtaking you are tonight?"

"No. I don't think you did. Nate did though."

Ian rolled over onto his back and growled in disgust. I rolled onto my side and up on my elbow. I didn't look at his face but rather I concentrated on his tanned six pack. I ran my finger tips over the rippled muscles of his torso.

"Do you want to know what else he said?"

"Not really."

"Okay, never mind." I knew it would be only a matter of time before his curiosity won out over his belligerence. I continued gliding my fingers across his abs to his flat stomach in silence.

He grabbed my hand to stop me. "What did he say?"

I smiled. "He said I was glowing." I rolled over so my chin was resting on his chest. "And I said I was happy."

"Are you?"

"Extremely." I scooted onto my knees and straddled over him. I pulled my baby doll dress up over my head. The only thing I had on underneath was my panties. "Now what can I do to make _you _happy?" I struck a seductive pose and pulled his hand to my mouth. I put his finger in my mouth and I licked it and sucked on it. Beneath me, I could feel Ian's arousal. I placed both of my hands over his and slowly pulled his hand from my mouth to my neck, down my throat, across to my breast. I let his hand rest there while I gyrated my hips on top of him. Suddenly he grabbed me with both hands and flipped me onto my back and he held my wrists over my head. He looked angry.

"Ian, what's wrong?"

He hissed. "I thought you said you didn't sleep with him."

"I didn't."

"Then, would you care to explain where you learned that little trick?"

I smiled. "Did you know that Jodie used to be a dancer? Kyle met her in a bar, but not the kind you think."

His hard expression softened. "You're kidding."

"I'm not. That's why Sunny all of a sudden has so much power over Kyle. Once she slept with him. He was toast. She has _all_ of Jodie's experience in her memories."

"So, when did you learn…this?"

"The night you and Kyle were pounding down beers in the root cellar, I was in the Jacuzzi with Sunny."

"Damn. I missed that?"

"Did you like what I did?"

"You couldn't tell?"

"Yes, but I like to hear it."

"I liked it very much." He held both of my wrists with one hand and proceeded to kiss my neck and breasts. Then he released my wrists and slid his body down to my waist and pulled off my panties. He put his hands under my armpits and lifted me back to a sitting position. He rubbed his thumb along my jaw line as he gazed into my eyes. He leaned in to kiss me and didn't take his eyes off mine until we were too close to focus on each other. It was a hungry kiss. The passion of his lips accelerated quickly until he whispered to me "Get on."

He lay on his back and I did his bidding. He let me have all the control. Instead of taking me, this time I took him. When we finished I was laying on top of him.

"Remind me to thank Sunny." He muttered.

"She's right outside on the couch."

"THANK YOU, SUNNY!"

"Ian! She's probably asleep."

He laughed.

I folded my hands on Ian's chest and put my chin on them. "Ian?"

"Why do I not want to answer you right now?"

"I don't know. I was just going to ask you where we should have this wedding."

"Yep, that's why I don't want to answer you right now."

"I don't understand."

"Babydoll, I don't want to ruin this perfect evening with a fight."

"Why do you think we will fight?"

He sighed. "Okay, where do you want the wedding?"

"At the caverns, of course."

"Right, and I think we should have the wedding here."

"Why would you say that? We live at the caverns."

"Do we?"

"_I _do!"

"I need to go to the bathroom." Ian moved me off of him and got off the bed.

"Wait I bought new robes." I went to the drawer and pulled them out. "Here you go. Yours is the blue one."

He slipped it on and left the room. I lay there trying to figure out why on earth he would want to have the wedding here. I don't think he ever wants to go back to the caverns.

Ian came back to the bedroom after a few minutes.

"Okay, we can have this conversation _if_ you promise to hear my side of this _and_ if things start to get out of control you will shut up and kiss me till you're sane again."

"That sounds like you already plan to win this argument and what do you mean till I'm _sane?_" I demanded.

"You get a little emotional sometimes," Ian responded.

"_I_ get a little emotional? Who's the one who goes bananas if Nate even enters the room."

"And with good reason!"

"Nothing happened!"

"Except that you kissed him!" he ranted.

Ian was right. He knew this would escalate into a fight. Maybe his kissing solution would work. Ian was still standing by the edge of the bed. I got up on my knees. "Come here." He stepped towards the bed and I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. I tried really hard to get his mind off the fight. After a minute we were both calm.

"Okay, How about I present my pros and cons about where I want us to get married and you present yours." I proposed.

"I'm agreeable to that. You first." He sat on the edge of the bed. I slipped into my robe and sat with my arms wrapped around my knees.

"I just think that the caverns are where we met and fell in love and all of our friends are there and that _is _where we are going to live, isn't it?" I threw that last part in there on purpose because I needed to know what his intentions were for our residence.

"Do you want to talk about where we are going to get married or do you want to talk about where we are going to live because right now you are playing with a double edged sword."

"I want to know both," I said adamantly.

"Although I agree that both matters need to be discussed, I think we need to resolve one at a time."

"Well let's get to the point here. The truth is you have no intentions of ever going back to the caverns, do you?"

"I never said that."

"But that's what you want, isn't it?" I pressed.

He took my hands in his. "Babydoll, I like it here. There's so much to do. I love teaching the kids baseball and it's the best place to raise our children."

"Children? When did we start talking about children?"

Ian leaned in to kiss me. I pulled away.

"Damn it, Wanderer. You make me insane!" He got up and stormed out the door.

I sat on the bed waiting for him to come back. There was a knock at the door. "Wanderer? Can I come in?" It was Sunny.

"I'm sorry we woke you."

"It's okay. I couldn't help hearing the argument. Can I make a suggestion?" she said calmly.

"Sure I'm open for anything."

"You two need a mediator."

"Sure, I'll just take him into town and we'll get one." I was gruff because I was aggravated.

"I would be willing to mediate. Besides, I've been thinking about this myself. I mean I was hoping Kyle and I will get married and we will run into many of the same problems that you two are facing. Let's get Ian and talk about this together."

"Okay."

We found Ian sitting on the back steps.

"Come inside, please? Sunny wants to be mediator and she says she might have some answers."

He rose from the steps and returned to the living room. Sunny turned on the light and we sat in a triangle around the coffee table.

Sunny spoke first. "Let me get this straight. Ian, you want to live here and have the wedding here. Wanderer, you want to live at the caverns and have the wedding there. Is that correct?"

"That's correct." Ian replied.

"Okay, putting all personal feelings aside, let's talk about this logically. First issue is the fact that there are at least twenty people here and another twenty people at the caverns who would want to attend this wedding. Correct?"

This time I answered. "Correct."

"So, if we have it at the caverns we need not only to be able to transport twenty people from here to there plus add extra vehicles to our already crammed garage in the desert _and _we need to find a place for them to stay _and _use our largest room available for the ceremony and party afterwards."

I retaliated. "But we would have those same exact issues if we had it here."

"Okay what is the one thing either location has over the other?"

Ian looked at the floor. "Space."

"Good, that's good. Ian, explain your reasoning."

He sighed. "The caverns are unsuitable because they are already full. There is no place to put more people and we cannot expand. There is no where to go except outside and the desert is unacceptable. The mountain on the other hand has lots of open space. All we would have to do …is…..build..."

I understood. "That's it. We could build what we need to accommodate the people and for the reception."

Sunny continued. "There is plenty of space for all of the vehicles. Ian, how much time would it take to build a couple of buildings?"

Ian was deep in thought. "Well…..I guess it depends on how many rooms you are talking."

I could see it now. "The buildings could be almost identical. You would just need the outer walls and electricity. One building could be like a giant reception hall and the other could be like a bunkhouse."

Ian spoke "What about heat? We aren't getting married until late October or early November."

"Well couldn't we just get married earlier?" I suggested.

"We couldn't get the buildings completed in time."

Sunny offered a solution. "What about fireplaces?"

"That's a lot of work." It might be easier to run a heating unit.

The door to Burns' room opened and he came out rubbing his eyes. "What are you all doing out here? It's one o'clock in the morning!"

Ian approached him. "We're talking about the wedding. We need your input."

A half hour later, the four of us were huddled at the kitchen table eating pizza and drinking caffeine. The boys were busy drawing schematics for the buildings. Sunny and I were keeping the shopping list for the supplies needed for each leg of the process. After a while, Sunny and I decided to clean up after the earlier party and we got to talking about 'other' things.

This did not go unnoticed by Ian. "Sunny?"

"Yes?"

"I need to thank you."

"I actually heard you yell it from the bedroom and Wanderer filled me in on the events in the boudoir. I hope you don't mind. Girl talk, you know?" She smiled.

"Well, yeah there is that, but I also need to thank you for playing the mediator tonight. If it weren't for you, I hate to say it, there was a possibility that this wedding would have been put off indefinitely, and that is _not _something I want to do. You have really become like family to us. Thank you."

Sunny's eyes sparkled as she smiled sincerely. I reached out and hugged her.

Ian continued. "Oh and by the way, any time you want to teach Wanderer anything at all; you have my blessing." Then he winked at her.

Sunny laughed.

It was three in the morning before the boys reached a point in the plans to feel comfortable to go to sleep. Burns, Kyle, and Sunny would be leaving tomorrow to go back to the caverns. Ian's plan was to do as much of the work as possible in the coming weeks before Burns was to return to the mountain. Before we left the table, Burns left us with one condition on the wedding plans.

"I know this is my land but beyond this house, the land really belongs to those who live on it. For that reason, you will need to go and get the go ahead from Nate, since he is the leader."

Ian's face fell. "Great. The one guy who would do anything to prevent this wedding."

"I could just sleep with him." I joked.

Ian glared at me. "Is that supposed to be funny?"

"I'm sorry. That was inappropriate. Forgive me."

"I can only forgive once a day. You used up your quota already." I was hoping he was just cranky because he was tired.

"Even if that was true, it's a new day, remember?" I kissed him on the cheek. "Have faith Superman."

Burns hung a note on the back door informing all that each of us was up until three in the morning cleaning up and planning the upcoming nuptials. It basically said 'Do Not Disturb'

As I curled up in Ian's arms I was incredibly happy. Ian kissed the top of my head and stroked my hair. "Tomorrow, I'll tell Nate about our plans. I only hope that he will be receptive." I could hear the despair in his voice. Yesterday, Ian had nearly killed him and tomorrow he was going to ask him for a favor.

"I could talk to him if you want." I knew if anyone could talk Nate into this, it would be me, but at what price?

Ian hissed. "No. I don't want you near him."

"I-a-n!" I groaned.

"This is not up for discussion. Do I make myself clear?"

I didn't say anything. I was trying to remind myself not to rock the boat. I had just gotten Ian back and I had promised him I would be the 'perfect' girlfriend.

He lifted his head off the pillow. "Wanderer, do I make myself clear?"

"Yes." I whispered.

He pulled me tight to him. He spoke in a soft voice "Please, understand that I don't want to lose you."

"You won't," I assured him.

A minute later Ian was asleep. I couldn't sleep yet. There were too many thoughts still racing through my head. If Nate says yes then that will be one huge issue solved. There are still the issues of children as well as our permanent residence. I love the people in the caverns and I can't fathom not being with them. As for the children, Ian is almost twenty six years old. He's ready to have children. I've seen how good he is with the kids he coaches, but I'm only seventeen! I wanted a few years with Ian first. Nothing was going to be resolved tonight besides; Ian will hopefully get his way on the wedding. It will be his turn to compromise. As I drifted off to sleep, I pictured myself at age twenty five with five children.


	18. Chapter 18

**Now the funny thing about happy chapters is reviews are fewer than the controversial chapters. 'Open Wounds' got 15 reviews. Apparently 'Angst' and 'violence' get people talking. Talk to me guys! I want to hear from YOU! -NL**

COMPROMISE

Morning came and went before the sound of thunder clapping at my window woke me. It was raining. Ian was gone. I didn't like waking up without him. I had a bad feeling. I grabbed my robe and stepped out of the bedroom. Ice and Kyle were sitting in the living room watching TV with the sound down low. Sunny was still asleep on the couch.

I waved silently to the boys on the couch and headed for the bathroom. I brushed my teeth, took a shower, and put on a fresh coat of makeup. I pulled my hair back in a loose pony tail. I had chosen to wear my halter dress because I wanted to look good in case Ian came back with bad news. I was starving. As I backed into the kitchen, I bid Kyle and Ice to follow me. Once inside, I felt I could speak freely without waking Sunny. "Who let you out of the root cellar this morning?"

"Burns." Kyle answered.

"So, he's up then?"

"Yes, he went off with Ian." Okay, so they probably went to speak to Nate together. I was glad that Burns had gone. He would definitely be helpful in swaying Nate considering he was Nate's best friend.

"Have you eaten?"

"Not really."

"How about some bacon and eggs?"

"Sounds delicious." Ice replied enthusiastically.

"You need some help?" Kyle asked.

"I could really use a fresh cup of coffee."

"Coming right up." Kyle grabbed the pot and emptied the old coffee from the morning that Burns must have made. I got to work cooking the bacon. Ice took it upon himself to clean the dishes that were already in the sink.

I never heard the back door slam so when I felt the arms wrap around my waist from behind and the lips on my neck, I thought it was Kyle. I panicked. I was up against the hot stove so I had no where to go. I could only pull my shoulder to my neck and try to shrink away from him. "Kyle! What the hell are you doing?"

The arms released me and I turned around to face him. Kyle answered from the end of the counter. "I'm making coffee."

It was Ian and he was smiling.

Ian rubbed his hand on his chin. "Hmmm. And you said my brother never crossed the line."

"You stupid jerk! You scared the crap out of me. I didn't know _what_ was going on!"

Ian started laughing. Kyle wasn't laughing at first but then he joined in as well. I folded my arms over my chest and pouted.

Ian put his arms around me. "Aw. Babydoll aren't you happy to see me?"

"I'm always happy to see you but you're still a stupid jerk!"

Burns entered the kitchen and suddenly I remembered why they had left in the first place.

"What happened with Nate?"

Ian's face went from laughing to serious. "We talked to Nate. He seemed to be okay with the idea. He said the addition of the buildings in his opinion would be a good thing but he also said that this was too important of a decision for him to make on his own. He is calling a meeting at five o'clock in the caves. He's going to put it to a vote."

I looked at Burns. "Is that good or bad?"

Burns looked thoughtful. "Well that depends on how people vote. Nate said that we can present our case to the people and let them decide. He is giving everyone a vote except Ben, Priscilla, and Dean since they are under the age of thirteen."

"Well then I guess we should try to figure out how we think each of them will vote."

Ian interjected. "It's by secret ballot, so you won't know how people have voted. That gives people like Nate a chance to vote the way he really feels and we won't know."

"You think Nate will vote against us?"

"Hell, yeah. I would if I were him." Ian replied.

Kyle spoke. "I suggest we make a list of all the names and write how we _think_ they will vote."

"Does Burns's vote count?" I asked.

Burns answered. "Yes, I live here too and it affects me as much as them."

"Well that's one 'yes' vote." Ian affirmed.

"The kids will all vote in favor of the coach." It was Sunny. She had heard what was happening from the living room. That's Megan, Sarah, Blake, and Carlos."

"How do you know Sarah won't vote the way Nate votes?" I asked.

"Because she would be better off if you _did _marry Ian." Sunny answered.

"True." I was hopeful. "But Kara and Holly will both vote 'no' because Holly does _not_ want me to marry Ian."

"I think Rachel and Rob would vote 'yes' and so would Evan." Burns concluded.

"What about the elders? They are the ones who will be most resistant to change." Sunny exclaimed.

"I think they will all vote no except for Maxim and Miranda. I'm not sure which way they will go." I counted the five votes from Maria, Carl, Aunt Sue, George, and Hector.

"So, who's left?" Ian asked.

"Hold on." Burns was counting the votes. "Without Maxim and Miranda. That makes sixteen votes. There are twenty one altogether. The three missing are Nadine, Kim, and Tom."

"I think Kim will vote for us." Ian attested.

"But Kim is Nate's sister." I reminded Ian.

"True."

"I think Tom will vote with the elders but Nadine will vote with us simply because Ian is so good with Ben." Burns again concluded.

"So, if Kim and Tom vote against and Nadine votes for, then we need both Maxim and Miranda to vote our way." Ian said flatly.

I knew we needed to plead our case with them in mind. "Well we _could _dwell on the fact that one of the buildings can be used as the school as well. That would make them happy because it would give them more space than the cave."

Ian crossed to me and scooped me into his arms. "That's a good point, Babydoll. That might work."

"Let's hope."

So, after all was said and done, we still couldn't be sure which way the vote would go. Everyone ate their bacon and eggs in silence. Burns took a nap after we ate. They were leaving right after dinner and Burns would do most of the driving.

At four thirty, our little group headed for the caves.

"Who's going to plead our case?" I asked of the group.

Ian offered his opinion. "I think Burns should do it." He looked at Burns. "They trust you."

Sunny also put in her two cents. "I think Wanderer should do it. After all, who can say no to that face?"

I didn't want to do it simply because if we lost it would open the door for Ian to place the blame on me, because after all, I had wanted to have it in the caverns. So I had to make sure that my opinion made the most sense. "I think Ian should do it. He is loved by all the children here. Also he is the one who will be doing the building. If he tells them how excited he is by this project for not only our wedding but for the use by all in the future, I believe it will have a great impact on them."

Ian objected. "Yes, but I am not eloquent like that."

I stopped and took Ian hands in mine. "You don't have to be. Just speak from your heart like you did last night."

So, we were all in agreement that Ian would be the 'pitch man'.

By five o'clock everyone had assembled at the great room in the cave. Even the cooks had taken a break from preparing dinner to attend. Nate stepped up to the great rock that was used as a podium. I was nervous because Nate _was_ an eloquent speaker, plus he could twist words to his advantage.

"Thank you everyone for taking the time out of your day to come here. I have been approached by some of our friends with a proposition that could change the way we live here in our community. I do not feel comfortable with making this decision as it impacts each of you. I do not wish to offer my opinion but will cast my secret vote just as I will ask each of you to do. At this time I will ask our good friend and coach to step forward to present his intentions." He turned to Ian. "Ian?"

Ian stepped up to the podium. He was clearly nervous unlike Nate who had obviously faced these people many times before. I walked forward as well and took Ian by the hand as a show of support. Ian took a deep breath as did I.

"Hello, everyone. As you all know, last night I asked this beautiful lady standing next to me to be my wife. Most of you attended the party that followed. We were up late last night trying to come up with a solution that would allow our friends back at the caverns and all of you here to be able to attend the wedding. It has come to our attention that the caverns could not possibly accommodate the additional people we would be expecting to attend. However, here on this mountain, there is plenty of room for all. The land extending between the house and the cave is in a state of disuse. If we could build, we could add so much to this place. Burns and I discussed our options and we feel that we could easily erect not one but two buildings on this land. The first would be used for the reception. It could then later be used as a combination schoolhouse, dining room, and game room. The other building will be a bunkhouse. Visitors can have a place to stay or you can use it for yourselves. We have even discussed putting heat into these buildings for the winter months. I intend to stay the rest of the summer to build these and Burns has promised to return in a few weeks to help. I would welcome help from any of you as well. Oh, and I will still coach the kids in the early evenings." Ian stepped back.

Nate stepped forward once again. "Does anyone have any questions?" People started talking quietly to each other but only one question was asked.

Miranda stepped forward. "When is the wedding and when will the building be available to be used as a schoolhouse?" This was good, Miranda was definitely interested.

Nate turned to Ian. "Ian? Would you care to answer this question?"

Ian stepped back up. "The wedding is planned for late October or early November. Since we are building two halls, I would say that it would be best to complete one before attempting the second. This way we can iron out any problems we might come across to make building the second one easier. I have never done this before and I'm sure it will be a challenge, but it is a challenge that I look forward to. You can begin to use the first building as soon as it is complete."

Nate stepped up and stood next to Ian. They were both handsome in there own way. Ian was rugged and strong and Nate was charming and charismatic. "Okay, if there are no more questions then we will put it to a vote. Our visitors will not be voting with us today nor will Ben, Priscilla, or Dean. Although Ian has been with us for several months he is not considered a permanent resident here and so he will not be allowed to vote. There will be one vote per person. You will vote 'yes' if you agree to the proposal and you will vote 'no' if you disagree. There are twenty one ballots. If you do _not_ wish to vote please write an 'X' on the ballot. All ballots will be counted in one hour if you need time to think about your vote or when the last vote is cast."

Nate was truly a politician. It was beautiful to watch him work. Burns stepped up to cast the first vote. He was followed by Blake and Carlos. The elders did not rush up to cast their votes. They held back and spoke to each other in low whispers. Jeb had been standing with Maria but left her to come and stand with us when the speech was over. After a half hour each of the elders stepped forward to cast their ballots. Nate cast his last.

Nate spoke to the crowd once more. "Okay I need someone to come up and verify each ballot as I read it. Sarah, would you do me the honor?" Sarah was tickled to death to be able to stand with Nate. Nate unfolded the first ballot. "Yes." He handed the ballot to Sarah who placed it on the podium in front of her.

I leaned in to Ian. "That should have been Nate's vote. He put his in last."

Ian whispered back to me. "I know. I'm shocked."

Next ballot, "Yes." The 'yes's' kept coming until he opened the last ballot. He smiled. "Well, it seems we have a unanimous vote. Congratulations Ian and Wanda. Excuse me, _Wanderer._ It looks like we all will be attending your wedding."

Ian picked me up and spun me around before he put me down and kissed me. Then he rushed over to Burns. I looked over at Nate and I mouthed the words 'thank you' to him. He smiled and bowed to me.

Dinner was served shortly after the vote and everyone was still excited about it. Several people came up to Ian and offered their services. Ian was beaming. I don't know if he was more excited about the wedding or the new project.

After dinner, we had to say good bye to Burns, Kyle, Sunny, Jeb and Ice. Jeb had decided he had spent enough time away and was eager to get back. Maria did not look so happy to see him go. He invited her to come and visit anytime she wanted. She told him she would think about it. He kissed her on the cheek. It warmed my heart to see him do this because he was not one to show his emotions. Ice had not been tethered for two days so I thought it was odd that they were taking him to the caverns at all. I guess they figured that time with the humans would only strengthen the bond and it was very difficult to escape from the caverns. I asked Jeb to offer the room that Ian and I shared to Ice until either of us returned. Burns said that was where he had been staying but he would be happy to share it with him. I had figured he was staying with Lily. I guess Burns was still being the gentleman. Sunny was very sad to leave not so much because she wanted to stay but she relished our newfound friendship and she said she would miss me terribly. I told her I would come back as soon as I could even though I knew that Ian would fight me on it. I broke down saying good-bye to Kyle, my Ian fix. Kyle and I had established an unbreakable bond in the last few months. I was beginning to understand how Kyle was able to bed Ian's past conquests. He was…like a panda bear- Big, strong, sweet, and adorable. I was in tears as the truck pulled away with most of my closest friends.

I buried my face in Ian's chest. "Now I have no one except you."

He kissed the top of my head. "I'll be here for you."

"My only other friend was Nate."

Ian didn't say anything. I backed away from him and walked silently towards the house. He caught up to me quickly. "We could jump in the Jacuzzi."

"I don't know." I said dismally.

"Come on Babydoll. We are going to be so busy; you won't have time to miss them. Besides you still have Jamie."

Jamie. That's right. He stayed and Jeb left. So, now I guess that makes me Mom. "You know we are his guardians now. Everyone else is gone. Where is he going to sleep? I can't let him stay in the cave all by himself." I clicked open the phone and dialed Burns.

"Hello?"

"Burns? It's me."

"Do you miss me already?"

My voice hitched. "Yes." I caught myself starting to sob again.

"Wanderer? Do you want me to come back?"

Ian put his arm around my shoulder.

"No. I want you to spend some time with Lily. I called because I want to know if it's alright if Jamie stays in your room otherwise he'll be all alone in the cave and I won't be able to keep an eye on him."

"Sure. He's welcome to stay in my room."

"Thank you…Burns?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"Love you too."

"Drive safe."

"Always."

I hung up the phone and began to sob again. Ian picked me up and carried me into the house. He laid me in the bed and covered me with a blanket.

"I can't bear to see you sad."

"Can't I at least talk to Nate?" I pleaded.

"No," he said softly.

Ian leaned in and kissed my cheek. "I'll be back. I'm going to go and check on Jamie."

A few minutes later, I fell asleep.

I woke in the middle of the night to a terrible storm. The thunder and lightning were frightening. I rolled over to find that Ian was lying next to me. I cowered into his back. He rolled towards me and put his arm around me. I snuggled into his chest.

He broke the silence. "You're not afraid of a little thunder, are you?"

"Yes I hate thunder and lightning."

"Well maybe I can help you not think about it."

He disappeared under the blanket and the next thing I knew I could feel his lips on my belly. I was still wearing my halter dress but it had ridden up. Ian just helped it along. I big clap of thunder and flash of light erupted just outside the window and I jumped. I could hear Ian laughing under the covers. I pulled the covers over my head. "Well hello." Ian said. It was dark like in the caverns.

"Ian, I'm scared."

"Don't be." He found my lips and began to kiss me. Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

It was Jamie. "Wanda? I'm scared. Can I sleep with you?"

Ian whispered. "Isn't he a little old for that?"

"Ian! He's still just a kid!"

"Just a second, Jamie!" I flew out of the bed, turned on the light, and tore off my halter dress.

"Now, you're talking!" Ian licked his lips.

I glared at him. I opened my drawer and took out my shorts and a T-shirt and threw them on. "Do you have clothes on?"

"My boxers."

I opened the door for Jamie. "Come on in."

"Ian, get up." I ordered.

"What?"

"We are not all going to fit in this bed, so you go sleep in Burns's room."

"Oh, come on!"

I glared at him again.

"Okay!" He got out of the bed. "Just make sure you keep your hands to yourself kid."

Ian left the room.

"What's up with him?" Jamie asked.

"He's a little jealous."

"Of me?" he asked surprised.

"Of everyone."

Another flash of lightning and a clap of thunder sent us both scrambling to get under the covers. We hugged each other.

"Are you afraid too?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Good, now I don't feel so bad."

Jamie turned his back to me and I spooned him from behind. I fell asleep listening to the rain beat down on the roof.

I woke early because I had fallen asleep so early the night before. I had forgotten about Ian so when I rolled over I was surprised to see Jamie sleeping with his back to me. He was a cute kid. He had already grown so much in the year that I had known him.

I got up and put on my robe in case someone was in the house. I left the room and tiptoed to Burns's room but Ian wasn't there. I wondered where he went. I was worried. I went into the kitchen to make coffee and Ian was sitting at the table by himself drinking a fresh cup.

"Ian? What are you doing up so early?"

"I couldn't sleep," he said dryly.

"Awww, why?"

"Do you have to ask?"

"Awww, sweetie. You want to jump in the Jacuzzi?"

"Are you messing with me?"

"Well, not yet, but if you play your cards right." I grinned evilly.

Ian got up slowly, took my hand, and led me into the bathroom. We came out an hour later and we were both smiling. The house was still empty so we plunked down on the couch and turned on the TV. The only thing on was cartoons. My mind wandered. Cartoons…Fluttering…"Oh! I have to go into town today!"

"What? Why?" Ian had no clue what I was talking about.

"Fluttering. She must be wondering what happened to me. If I don't go to her then she will come here."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"The day I left here. I went to her because I was afraid I might fall asleep while on the road. She already knew about my boyfriend troubles. Burns and Sunny came to retrieve me because Burns saw the van when you and he came back into town."

Ian's face became hard. "What? ...Wait. You didn't come back here on your own? Burns dragged you back here?"

"What's the difference, I'm here now."

"There's a huge difference. You had no intentions on coming back."

"I think I had no intentions of leaving. That's why I went to Fluttering. I was afraid you would never take me back. When Burns and Sunny came, I actually felt relieved."

He blew out the deep breath he had been holding. "I'm sorry. It's just that every minute that I spend with you, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I feel like I don't deserve to be happy."

"Of course you do." I climbed out of the chair I was in and I snuggled up to him on the couch. "So, you're okay with me going to town today?"

"I suppose."

"I need to ask Nate if he needs me…" I stopped in mid sentence. I wasn't allowed to talk to Nate. How was I supposed to find out what they needed from me? He's the boss. He was always the one who relayed the information.

"Will you go to Nate and see if he needs anything from town since I am going in? Tell him it will only be a local trip."

At that moment Nate walked quietly through the back door.

"Speak of the devil." Ian hissed.

"Morning Ian…Beauti-…Wanda."

I just smiled and waved. I didn't speak one word to him. Then I got up off the couch and went into the bedroom. The last thing I needed was for Ian to freak out over Nate seeing me in my robe. I needed to get dressed anyway. I took my time in the hopes that Nate would be gone when I came out. He wasn't. He was sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee. Ian wasn't around. I assumed he was in the bathroom.

"So, Ian tells me you are going into town. He asked me if I need you to pick up anything. Honestly, I don't know if we need anything. It's still too early. I wish I had known yesterday that you were planning this."

I didn't answer him. I went to the kitchen. I started putting away the clean dishes that had been washed the night before. I figured I would make breakfast.

The kitchen door opened and Nate stepped into the room. "Are you still mad at me?"

I had to answer his question. "No." If I let him think that I was still angry, I would have a reason not to talk to him. "Yes." But I wasn't angry anymore. How could I be? He voted 'yes'. "No."

"Well, which is it? Yes? Or no?"

Just then Ian entered the kitchen and I could see he was _not_ happy. "Nate, can I help you with something?"

"No. I was just talking to Wanda."

"About what?" Ian growled.

I could feel my headache coming on. How could I keep this from escalating and still obey Ian's wishes? The only way would be to hurt Nate and I couldn't do that.

Nate didn't back down. "Nothing in particular. I was going to see if she was planning on cooking breakfast. I thought I could help."

"She doesn't need your help." Ian hissed.

I couldn't take it anymore. I exploded. "STOP IT!"

They both froze and looked straight at me. I threw a glass in the sink and it shattered. I ran from the kitchen to the bedroom and locked the door. I lay on the bed and pulled the pillow over my face and I screamed into it. I hated this. I loved Ian with all my heart but I couldn't just shut off my feelings for Nate. I cared about him and I _wanted_ to be his friend. Why couldn't Ian just accept that?

The handle to the door jiggled followed by a sharp knock at the door. "Wanderer, let me in."

I was angry with Ian. I knew if I let him in he would tell me all the reasons why he didn't want me to talk to Nate and I didn't want to hear them. I needed to go see Fluttering and give everyone a chance to cool off.

"Wanderer, I'm not playing. Let me in."

I got off the bed and unlocked the door. Ian opened the door and stepped inside. "Don't you ever lock me out, again," he ordered. I just lowered my head and looked at the floor. He slid his hand under my chin as gently as he could and pulled my head up so he could look into my eyes. "I would never do that to you."

I was stoic. "I'm going to see Fluttering."

He let go of my chin. "Fine, run away."

I was so frustrated that I spoke with my jaw tensed. "Ian, I am doing everything in my power _not_ to fight with you. I _tried_ to stay away from Nate. It's just so unfair!"

Ian sat on the bed. His hands were balled up into fists. "I know you did. I'm sorry. I just don't trust him."

"But how can I _not_ talk to him?" I pleaded.

"I don't know. I only know that I will _never_ get over the fact that you love him too. I wish you could see that."

He had a point. If he loved someone else I would probably go insane. I remembered how I felt when I found out he had slept with Lily.

"Look. I'm going to go see Fluttering. I want to show her this beautiful ring and tell her what a great guy I am going to marry. I'll be back soon. I promise." So, I threw a little guilt trip at him. It might be good for him. He hadn't given me permission to talk to Nate, so in my mind, nothing had been resolved, at least not to my satisfaction.

I put on my sneakers, grabbed the keys, and leaned in to kiss Ian good-bye. I walked to the bedroom door and opened it. I looked back at Ian before I departed. He looked _so_ dejected, it broke my heart. I rushed back to him and pushed him down on the bed. "I love you, Superman."

He smiled his big beautiful smile. "I love you too."

This time I gave him a proper kiss good-bye.

"Go see your friend." He slapped me lightly on the derriere.

I shimmied my way off of him and left the room smiling. I didn't see Nate in the house when I left. I _did_ see Jamie on the couch. How did I mss that when I passed through here before?

"Is everything okay, Wanda?" Jamie asked as I emerged from the bedroom.

"Yes, everything is fine, now."

"You didn't fight over me, did you?" he said innocently.

"No, sweetie, not you. I'm going to town to see my friend. Do you need me to pick you up anything while I'm there?"

"No, but thanks."

"Make sure you go to school."

"I will."

I pulled up to the salon. It was almost time to open. Fluttering saw me standing at the door and rushed over to unlock it.

"Ashley! How lovely to see you!" She was smiling like always. "I hope everything is all right."

"Everything is better than all right. Look!" I stuck my hand out proudly.

"You're engaged! I'm so happy for you!" She hugged me. "I was so worried about you."

"I know. I didn't know what I was going to do when I left here. I was scared to death."

"And see, he loves you and you look radiant." A vehicle pulled up outside. "My first client is due here any minute. Can you stick around for lunch?"

"Actually I thought I'd do a little shopping and then come back if it's okay with you."

"Sure, I have some free time between noon and one thirty."

"Great, I'll be back at eleven forty five."

The first client stepped through the door. "Okay, I'll see you for lunch," she said enthusiastically.

I decided to go to the mall in the next town. I wanted to get something special for everyone as a thank you for allowing us to build on the land. I just didn't know what to get. It had to be something that everyone could use. There was a large sporting goods store as one of the cornerstones of the mall. As soon as I saw it, I knew it would be the perfect gift. The living room would be just big enough to hold it and when the first hall is done we can move it there. It wouldn't fit in the van so I arranged to have it delivered to the house. I told them that I needed a specific date and time since my brother and I were often out of the house. I set up delivery for Wednesday between nine and noon. I also gave them my phone number to confirm my availability before they would deliver. This way I could make sure all of the humans were safely tucked out of sight.

The next item on my list was a gift for Ian. I wanted to get something special for him but I had no clue what to get him. He never wore jewelry and clothing just wasn't special enough. He had all of the sporting equipment he needed. I was at a loss. I tried to think about what was important to him. Besides baseball the only other thing important to him was me, even if we did fight like cats and dogs. I was daydreaming when I passed a Victoria's Secret store. I turned around and went in. I was like a kid in a candy store. Everything was just beautiful. I tried on lots of things and finally I settled on two outfits. The first was a teal colored corset complete with a garter belt and stockings. The sales clerk said I definitely needed to get a pair of spike heels to complete the outfit. She said guys go nuts over heels. I was already imagining how long I could keep Ian off of me while teasing him in this outfit. The other outfit was a pair of black lace panties that looked like short shorts and a black silk bra. Of course I took the sales clerk's advice and immediately went to the shoe store and bought a pair of shiny black patent leather heels.

Now that I had completed my mission, I headed back to see Fluttering. I got there just in time for lunch. She took me to an upscale restaurant as a celebration of my engagement. She asked me if I had a picture of my fiancé. I told her I was sorry that I didn't. Then she asked me why I didn't bring him with me. I couldn't tell her Ian was human. I told her that he went on to school to set up an apartment for himself because if we both stayed in dorms, we wouldn't have any alone time. She accepted that explanation. She asked me when the wedding was to take place. I lied again and told her that it would probably be next summer. Of course I invited her. When I left her, I told her I would come back to see her real soon.

I returned to the mountain after two o'clock. There was a note on the bed that said Ian was coaching the kids. I changed quickly into a pair of shorts and a T-shirt and jogged off towards the field. Ian spotted me as I approached the far side of the field and waved me in. I ran to him and threw my arms around him. I didn't care that he was 'Coach' right now. "I missed you!"

"I missed you more." He kissed me quickly. This was something that he never did on the field. "Get your glove and go warm up with Megan."

I enjoyed practice. Ian could be hard but now I understood his coaching style so it never bothered me when he made me run or if I had to do push ups. He always ran at the end of practice to punish himself for being hard on me. It was probably the only time in our relationship when there was no fighting.

After practice my back started to ache. It suddenly occurred to me why _I_ had been so moody. I set my mind to keep my emotions in check at least for the next few days.

After dinner the usual crowd gathered in the living room to watch TV. I took the opportunity to inform those gathered that on Wednesday I had something special being delivered at the house and I needed everyone to spread the word to stay away. I let them know it was a gift for everyone. Ian wanted to know what it was but I told him he would find out when everyone else did. He imitated me by folding his arms across his chest and pouting. Everyone laughed.

That night I decided it was time to approach the next issue that Ian and I needed to discuss now that we had the wedding mapped out. I was tucked securely in his arms when I brought up the subject.

"Ian?"

He sighed. "I'm tired."

He was avoiding the discussion. "You wouldn't be tired if I was suggesting sex."

"If we were having sex, we wouldn't be having this discussion," he twisted my words to suit him and it angered me.

"So, that's it? We are only good to have sex?"

"Wanderer, you know that's not true."

"Then why won't you have this discussion with me?" I pressed.

"Which discussion is it that you want to have? We cannot talk about where we are going to live without discussing children and we can't discuss children without discussing where we are going to live."

"I want to discuss where we are going to live."

He pulled his arm out from around me and curled it under his head. "You know where I want to live."

"Yes and I think I know why, but I want to hear it from you."

"Just look at it out here. There is plenty of room. There's sunshine and rain. Four seasons. The kids here respect me and I love coaching them. And building. If we can get these two halls built, it will open the door for so much more that we can accomplish."

"And what about me? Not once was there anything mentioned that makes me want to stay here."

"What are you talking about? More room means more room for both of us. We could build a house. A house for our family. You don't like rain? You don't like winter?"

"My friends and family are not here."

"You can make new friends."

"I love the friends I have, thank you."

Ian took a deep breath and let it out slow. I continued to make my point.

"Don't you miss the people at home? Jared and Melanie? Lily? Kyle and Sunny?"

"Of course I do, but I have to look at our future. What is best for our family."

"Family we don't even have yet!" I cried.

"Which brings me to children." He spoke softly. "Wanderer, do you want children?"

"Yes, but not now! Ian, I'm only seventeen! I'm not even old enough to drink!"

"When we get married I will be twenty six. I want several children and I don't want to be forty with a baby."

My head was starting to pound. I got up to go get some 'No Pain' from the bathroom.

"Where are you going?" he demanded.

"I have cramps." I lied.

When I returned to the bedroom Ian was sitting on the edge of the bed with his face resting in his hand. I could see he was thinking hard. "Okay, if Sunny was here she would ask us how we might compromise."

"I don't want to compromise. I compromised on the wedding." There I said it. It was his turn.

He didn't get angry. He pressed on with determination. "Okay, but what _would_ Sunny say?"

I took Ian's hand in mine. I was playing with his fingers. "I don't know. She would probably say we could live in both places."

Ian sat up straight. "Yes. Like dual citizenship!"

"What?"

Ian took my face in his hands. His eyes were blazing. "What if we lived half of the year here and the other half at the caverns?"

"You're kidding right?"

"Why not? In the spring and summer we could come here, that way I could still be the Coach. In the fall and winter, we could live in the caverns so we could be with our friends and loved ones."

"You think we could do that?"

"Why not? We are doing it now. I can compromise if you can compromise." He still had his hands on my face. His eyes were searching mine pleading for an answer.

It _did_ seem like a fair resolution. "Okay, but after the wedding, we go back to the caverns right?"

"I love you!" He shouted. He proceeded to cover my face with kisses. I'd never seen him so happy. It was like someone had let the cat out of the bag. Apparently, he thought that surely his days on the mountain were numbered. I didn't want to burst his bubble but he was neglecting one small detail.

"Of course, you will have to clear the 'dual citizenship' thing with Nate." Nate had the power to burst his bubble and the little display in the kitchen this morning didn't help the situation. "Ian I know how much you despise Nate, but if you would just let me

be his friend. I know that I could convince him to let us live here."

"No. I'll go to him. If he says 'no' then I guess we'll live in the caverns."

"Ian, you are being ridiculous. You're willing to give up your dream?"

"My dreams were destroyed six years ago." I was silent. I felt wounded. He would never live out his dream of being a pro ball player and it was all my fault.

"I'm sorry."

He spoke softly. "It's not your fault."

"Yes…..it is."

Ian fell silent.

"I just wanted so desperately to make things right. I can't give you back the dream of being a pro ball player but I …"

He interrupted me. "Wanderer, you've given me something I never had before. You've given me your heart. That's more than I have a right to ask for." He put his arms around me and pulled me tight to his chest. "Let's just hold off asking Nate anything for a while. Okay?"

I didn't answer. I knew if I could just _talk_ to Nate; he would welcome us with open arms. Well, he would welcome me but he knew that Ian and I were a package deal.

Ian shook me gently. "Okay?"

"Okay." I replied sullenly.

"Let's get some sleep."

Our compromise had been bittersweet. We managed to solve our issue without a huge blowup, but we still didn't know if our plans would come to fruition.

"I love you." I whispered.

He pulled me tighter to him. "I love you more."


	19. Chapter 19

**To my anonymous reviewers: Disney V. – I wish I could converse with you. Holl- Wow. I am humbled. That's a lot to read in one sitting. Thank you. Ian4ever – I can't answer your questions because I can't e-mail you.**

**To the rest of my loyal gang. I love you guys!**

FRUSTRATION

I woke to the sounds of birds chirping happily outside the window. Thankfully, Ian was still lying in the bed although he was wrapped very tightly around me and I couldn't move. Today was Tuesday. Tomorrow my special gift would be arriving. I tried to twist my way out of Ian's grip but he just tightened it even more.

"Where do you think _you're_ going?" He had been awake.

"I need to go to the bathroom?" He released me. "I'll be right back."

When I returned Ian was still lounging in the bed. "Aren't you going to get up?"

"No, I thought I'd stay in bed all day." This was so not like Ian.

"Are you not feeling well?"

"I'm okay. I'm just in the mood." He was sulking.

I climbed under the covers and snuggled up to him. "We have a lot to do today."

"Like?"

"Like, we need to finish those dugouts because tomorrow my gift will arrive. On Thursday, we should go to Irving and start getting the supplies for the buildings. Will you come with me?" I was hoping to get a little excitement from him.

He spoke in a flat voice. "I guess."

"Well. I figured if left tomorrow night, we could take a room somewhere. That way, I could leave you there while I purchase the wood and have it loaded into the van. I don't need another 'Ice' fiasco."

"I thought you liked Ice."

"I do. But what if he hadn't been single? What if he had a family and we had ripped him from that? How sad would that have been for him?"

"You had a family back there when Jared nabbed you. Does it make you sad to be away from them?" Ian wondered.

"Sometimes. My Mom was always busy but my Dad loved to spoil me. But I have my new family now."

Ian seemed satisfied with my answer.

"What about you? Do you miss your parents?" I was curious. Kyle had said that Ian was close to his mother.

"Yes. I miss my Mom a lot. Sometimes I wonder if she thinks I'm dead. I wonder if like Melanie, she fights to stay alive hoping to one day see me again. It kills me not knowing, although I guess after six years even if she was in there, she probably would have given up hope long ago." He looked so sad. I distracted myself by running my fingers through the hair at his forehead.

"At least you still have Kyle."

'Yeah, pain in the butt that he is."

"He's really changed though, don't you think?"

"Because of you."

I smiled. "I'd like to think that I might have had _something_ to do with it."

"Wanderer, you have a profound effect on everyone you touch. That's why I feel like I don't deserve you."

"Well, _I_ say you do."

He rose up into a sitting position. "I'm sorry that sometimes I get mean and order you around."

"Well, I do it too. I think I'm just more subtle about it." He scooted towards my face and he kissed me. It was definitely the slow burn kiss. After a minute he kissed my neck and I knew where he was going with this.

"Ian, not today, you need to get up… and that's an order." I smiled.

He groaned.

"Come on, Superman. Move it." I giggled.

Jamie was already up and gone. After eating a bagel and cereal, Ian and I headed to the cave and retrieved the tools he needed. We worked together and before long the first dugout was nearly completed. It had three walls. The work that Kyle and the others started was a great help. Everything was already cut to size and the posts had already been cemented into the ground. Ian was very patient with me.

"We make a good team." I announced proudly.

"Yep. All we need is shingles on this one."

"You want to take a break?" I asked.

"Naw, you?"

"I need to go to the bathroom."

"You want me to come with you?"

I thought if I ran into Nate, then I could talk to him and Ian wouldn't know, but that would be dishonest.

"What if I run into Nate?" I would leave it up to him.

"I'll come with you." He took me by the hand and we walked towards the house.

"You know; I can't _never_ talk to Nate."

Ian didn't respond. He just squeezed my hand tighter in his. We walked in silence the rest of the way. I could only assume that he figured if he didn't speak then we couldn't fight about it.

Back at the house, Ian grabbed a couple of flavored waters out of the fridge. When I came out of the bathroom, he handed me one. "Let's go."

I didn't question him. I reached for his hand and he lead me back to the field. We started on the second dugout. He issued orders and I obeyed. I was getting tired of the silence so I decided to try a new subject.

"Ian?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I have a big wedding?"

"What do you mean by big? There's only but fifty five people between the two clans."

"I mean maid of honor, best man, bride's maids, ushers, gowns, the whole enchilada."

"What brought this on?"

"What do you mean? I've dreamed of my wedding since I was a little girl. Daddy promised me anything I want." I realized I was speaking of Pet's wishes and memories.

Ian raised his eyebrow. "Wanderer, are you alone in there?"

"Yes, it's just that when Pet was in this body she was pretty spoiled. I know I can't expect those things that she had but I really want our wedding to be perfect."

Ian sighed. "Tell me what would make it perfect."

"Well, you in a tux for starters."

He groaned. "Can't I just wear a suit?"

"Absolutely not, Ian O'Shea! Which reminds me, do you have a middle name?"

"Thomas. After my father."

"Ian Thomas O'Shea. I like that."

We continued to work while we talked. The back side of the second dugout was already secured in place.

"So, besides this monkey suit that you want me to wear, what are your other demands?"

"Wishes." I corrected him.

"What?"

"They are not demands. They are wishes. It's my wedding wish list. But if it's too much for you to handle to make your bride the happiest woman on the planet on her wedding day, then just forget it. We can have a little ceremony and be done with it."

"Ah. The guilt trip." I couldn't fool him.

"Is it working?"

"Nope."

I was so angry I pushed him and he laughed at me. "Babydoll, I thought _I_ made you the happiest woman on the planet."

I took a stab back at him. "Me and what? Fifty other women?"

"Touché."

I was livid at his nonchalance. I took off my ring and held it out to him.

"You best put that back on because I _won't_ give it back to you," he said bluntly.

I was fuming now. I hated that I had no power at all over him.

He took the ring and put it back on my hand. "Babydoll, you know you can have whatever kind of wedding you want. I was just messing with you."

My hormones that I had hoped to keep at bay took over and my brain snapped. "You were messing with me over my _wedding day?_" I took the hammer in my hand and I threw it as hard as I could. It landed near second base.

"Now, what did you go and do that for?" he said calmly.

"Cause I wanted to throw it at you!" I was holding back the tears of frustration. Ian came over and tried to put his arms around me.

I pushed him off.

"Come on, Babe."

"NO!" I growled although my growl was more like a purr.

"Look, I'll even go pick up the hammer you threw." He marched off to second base. I hated that everything that was important to him was top priority and my dreams were a game to him.

"SCREW YOU, IAN!" I shouted after him. He didn't turn around. That's when I saw Nate entering the far end of the outfield and he was headed our way. Great! More complications. Just what I needed. Ian picked up the hammer and walked quickly back to me.

"Wanderer, I know you are angry, but please let this go right now. Nate does not need to know anything about this." He came up and put his arms around me and I let him because he was right. Nate didn't need t know our business. He kissed the top of my head. "Thank you."

"EXCUSE ME!" Nate shouted out as he crossed the infield. "I hate to break up your love fest but would you mind telling me why I was not informed of this special delivery that is supposed to be coming tomorrow?"

Ian did the talking. "Yeah, sorry about that. It seems that Wanderer purchased a gift for everyone and it needed to be delivered. I was going to tell you about it at lunch."

"Well, what is it?" Nate wanted to know.

"I don't know. She isn't talking." Perfect. He just gave the excuse he needed to keep me from talking. I just raised my hands and hunched my shoulders.

Nate creased is eyebrows together. He directed his question at me. "So, no one can go to the house all day?"

Ian answered again pulling Nate's attention from me to him. "She said it should be here between nine in the morning and noon."

Nate again looked at me. I could see the frustration in his eyes. He turned back to Ian. "Okay, I'll make sure everyone knows. Pull the shades tonight before you go to bed and make sure Jamie stays in his room."

"Okay, we will. I might just take Jamie and head down to the cave early."

"Okay." Nate glanced at me again. I was dying. Nate turned to walk away. I couldn't be silent any longer.

"Nate!" I called. He stopped dead in his tracks and turned to me. "Thank you for being understanding about this. I hope you'll like the gift."

He smiled. "I'm sure I will if you picked it out." He waved to me and I smiled at him and raised my hand to him. He turned and walked away.

Ian's eyes bore into me and he looked like he was on fire. I picked up my hammer. "Let's finish this."

He didn't move. He was frozen like a stone. I was waiting for the explosion. His hands were clenched and his shoulders were rigid. I figured he was fighting the urge to kill me. I thought holding the hammer was a _good_ thing because I might need it to defend myself. I acted nonchalant. "Ian, grab that board. I want to finish this."

He finally found his tongue. "Why did you do that?"

I stood my ground. "Why did I do what?"

"Why did you disobey a direct order?"

I immediately thought to myself, _when did I join the army?_ I had no intentions on backing down. "I can talk to whoever I want. You don't own me, regardless of what you think." There. I said it. I could hear my heart slamming against the walls of my chest. I was bracing myself for the onslaught.

He grabbed a piece of plywood and walked it to where we needed to hammer it in. "This isn't over." He hissed.

I was scared but I didn't want to show it. I tried to be glib about the whole thing. "I hope it's not over. I really want to spend the rest of my life with you."

I got no response. He hammered the crap out of those nails while I held the board in place. I imagined each nail being my frail silver body. I winced every time the hammer hit.

I thought I might try a different approach. "If you want I could start putting the shingles on the roof."

"Do you _know_ how to put shingles on a roof?" he said dryly.

"How hard could it be?"

He took a deep breath. "Okay, come on, I'll show you."

I followed him to the other dugout. He carried the ladder over and set it up.

"Climb up and get on the roof."

I carefully did as I was told. He took a partial pack of shingles and flung it up on the roof. Then he handed me a bag of nails. He climbed the ladder but did not get on the roof. "Hand me a couple of shingles," he said gruffly.

"Please?" I prompted him.

He raised his eyebrows and huffed. "Please."

I handed him what he needed. "Here you go."

"Now watch how I do it." He showed me the placement of the shingles and where the nails needed to be driven. He hammered in two shingles. "You got that?"

"Yes."

"When you get to the second row, call me and I will show you how they go. Do _not _try to climb off the roof by yourself. I don't need you breaking your neck."

"Okay." He didn't seem angry anymore but he was rather cold. Screaming and yelling I could deal with. I hated when he was cold. "Ian?"

"What?" He was snippy.

I wanted to say something but I thought better of it. "Nothing." I bit my lower lip hard.

He looked at me. "That's my lip you're biting."

It was definitely an opening. I gave him a shy look and smiled. "You want to bite it?"

"You're not going to fall off that roof, are you?"

"My fiancé won't let me." I said in my little girl voice.

He took another step up the ladder and leaned in to kiss me. I grabbed his face and turned my head to make it easier for him. As our lips met, my heart thumped loudly and when our tongues entwined, I felt lightheaded. It was such a relief to feel his lips on mine. They were so warm and passionate. One thing about Ian, if he kissed you, it was always worth it. He nibbled on my lower lip before he stopped.

"Thank you." I whispered.

"This still isn't over." He warned.

I couldn't believe it. "Oh, _come _on!"

"We are not going to talk about this now. You have a roof to finish." He jumped off the ladder and took it with him. Rather than argue, I got to work. Putting on a roof was harder than I thought. I couldn't stand up because the roof pitched sharply from front to back. If I fell, I would definitely roll right off. I finished the first row just as Ian was starting his on the other dugout.

"Ian! I finished the first row," I called out to him.

He carried the ladder back to me and climbed up. "Okay, second row goes like this." He placed the shingle where it needed to go. "You see how much it needs to overlap?"

"Yes."

"Okay, you're doing good. Keep it up and we can finish this thing."

"Okay."

"Love you, Babe." I hated when he called me 'Babe' but he seemed sincere so I didn't say anything.

He took the ladder back with him. It didn't take long for him to catch up to where I was. He was so much stronger that he could easily place two shingles in the time it took me to place one. It was hot as hell on that roof. I was sweating and my hair was sticking to me. I took it and wrapped into a knot behind my head. I wasn't sure but I think I was also getting a sun burn on my arms and legs. This was tedious and exhausting. Who would want to do this for a living?

It was well past lunch now. Ian finished his dugout and I still had two rows to go. I thought he would come over and help me but he didn't. He threw the last of the shingles up on my roof and went to go lay down under a tree. I was stuck up there because I couldn't get down. This was obviously his way of punishing me for talking to Nate.

After another half hour, I still had most of the last row to go. My hands and arms were killing me. Ian yelled out. "Are you done yet?" I was exhausted and burnt. I threw the hammer to the ground and lay down on top of the roof and started to cry. He had broken me yet again.

He got up and carried the ladder over to the dugout. "Come on." I dragged my tired body down the ladder as Ian guided me. When I got to the bottom, he scooped me up in his arms and carried me back to the house. I didn't say a word. I felt defeated. I just wrapped my arms around his neck and hung on. When we approached the steps he said. "Shower or bed?"

"Shower."

He put me down in the bathroom and started the shower. He grabbed a towel and placed it outside the shower. He went to the bedroom and got my robe.

"You did a good job. I'm proud of you. I'm going to go back and finish."

As I stood in the shower I was so confused. Where was he trying to go with this? I had to think. Okay, he is pissed about me talking to Nate. I said he couldn't tell me who I could talk to. He said it wasn't over. He was mean to me, then he was nice to me, and then he was mean to me, and then he was nice again. I don't get it. I was tired. I dragged myself out of the shower and plopped on the bed in my robe and fell asleep.

When I woke up I was covered with a blanket. I sat up and my stomach was growling. I smelled food. I went into the kitchen and Maria, Kim, and Aunt Sue were busy frying up a several pans of Fajitas. It seems they were preparing a Mexican feast for the night. I grabbed a couple of chips and some Salsa. "Have you seen Ian this afternoon?"

Kim spoke. "He was here for a while but then Carlos came and they went together to the field for practice. They should be back soon to wash up for dinner."

I took my chips and salsa and got comfy on the couch. Nate came in and made a beeline for me. He sat down in the chair next to me.

He didn't look at me when he spoke. "So, how are things?"

"Fine."

"You don't talk to me much anymore." He paused. "Not that I blame you."

"Yeah." I didn't know what to say.

Now he turned to me. "You see, the thing is….maybe I'm wrong but I feel like Ian doesn't want you to talk to me."

"Gee. You're perceptive." I said sarcastically.

"I miss talking to you."

"I know, I miss talking to you too, but what am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know. I guess this is my fault."

"Yeah, it kinda is," I reiterated.

He reached out and touched my hand. "Look, I know that you and Ian are meant to be together and I'm sorry about what happened. I should have respected the boundaries and I didn't. I love you. I think I have since the first time I met you. I know I can't have you in that way but I would at least like to be your friend. I hate to think of life without you."

"Well, I _could_ be here six months out of the year."

"What? I don't understand."

"Ian and I want to live here in the spring and summer and live in the caverns in the fall and winter. I just need you to agree to it."

We didn't hear Ian come through the back door. He stood just six feet away and witnessed our intense conversation and Nate with his hand on mine.

Ian turned and walked back out the door.

"Crap."

Nate tried to be helpful. "Do you want me to go talk to him?"

"No. I need to do this." I ran into the bedroom and threw on some clothes. I bolted out the door. Ian was no where in sight.

I checked the root cellar. He wasn't there. I headed for the caves. I saw Megan and Jamie. "Did you see Ian?"

"Yeah, he was running towards the baseball field."

I ran to the field. As I approached from the far side I could see that he was standing on the pitchers mound throwing pitch after pitch at the backstop. When I got closer he was collecting the balls he had already thrown and tossing them into a bucket. I went to help him collect them. "Don't touch them." He growled.

I backed off and went and sat in the dugout. I watched him pitch in silence for two hours while my stomach growled from hunger. I had missed both lunch and dinner. Finally he sat down on the pitcher's mound and he put his head in his hands and he cried. I let him cry. In those two hours I figured out that Ian was so conflicted that he didn't know what to do. That's why he punished me and then he was nice. He couldn't figure out how to control me. The problem was that he hadn't figured out that he shouldn't try to control me at all.

Eventually I got up and walked to where he was sitting. I sat down in front of him a few feet away. I was cool as a cucumber. I needed to be if I was going to work this out with him.

I asked him straight out. "Do you want to break up with me?"

"I don't know." He said through his tears.

"Yes, you do know. It's either yes or no. What do _you_ want?"

"I want you to love me forever," he said sadly.

"Done." I was calm.

"I don't want you talking to Nate," he said adamantly.

"I can't do that."

His voice hitched. "Why?"

"Ian, hear me out. Nate is a part of our lives. I know you can't see it right now but he will be very important to us….to our family. He will protect our children. We _need_ him in our lives. We need every person we know to help us survive. To help us raise our kids. And I want to have your children. I will make a deal with you. I will not seek out Nate to hang around with _but_ if he comes to me, I will not ignore him. I will treat him as my friend and nothing more. If he ever tries anything inappropriate I will take whatever means necessary to stop him and I will tell you immediately."

"Where is the deal in that?" he asked.

"If you agree to this, and that means no fights with me about it, then I promise to go off of birth control as soon as I am your wife."

He looked deeply into my eyes. "You mean it? You could be a mother in a year."

"Yes. I mean it. Now I have compromised on every issue. The wedding will be here as you wanted it. We will live here six months out of the year. You will be a Dad sooner than you think. All I ask in return is to let me choose my own friends and that includes Nate."

Ian scooted towards me until we were sitting inches away from each other. He put his hand on my cheek, but he still didn't say anything.

"Say yes, Ian."

"But Nate."

I refused to budge on this issue. "Nate is my friend. You can't have everything. It's not fair to _me._ If you can't let go of this, it will drive a wedge between us. Do you want to destroy us?" He was looking into my eyes searching for an answer. I was getting impatient.

"Look, I'm starving. You should stay here and think about what it is you want."

"No! I want this as much as you. It's just that I can't promise that I can turn a blind eye to you and Nate…but I will try."

"How hard will you try?" I needed him to give me a commitment.

"Very hard. I'll even accept him performing the ceremony."

"Are you crazy? Nate is not going to marry us!"

"He is the leader here. If he doesn't do it, then who?" He was at a loss.

"That's easy. The man who saved my life and made being here with you possible. Jeb."

Ian smiled. "Jeb. That's perfect." He leaned in and put his forehead against mine. "You are going to be a great mom."

I corrected him. "I'll be a young mom."

Ian pressed his lips to mine. It was a tender kiss. He didn't nibble my lips. He tasted them. His tongue was so delicate. He stroked his way into my mouth. My head was swimming. When he tried to stop I wouldn't let him. So, he chuckled and kissed me some more. It was his rumbling stomach that finally did us in. I started laughing and we couldn't concentrate on the kiss anymore.

"We missed dinner."

"And lunch." I added.

"Let's go home and see what we can scavenge." We gathered up the baseballs and threw them into the bucket with his glove and placed it in the back of the dugout for safe keeping. It was nearly dark and it was a beautiful summer night. The stars were starting to glisten in the sky. We walked with our arms around each other.

"So, what should we name our first child?" Ian asked.

"I'm not even pregnant yet!" He swung me around and kissed me again.

"I'm just happy."

I smiled at him. "I'm glad."

When we got back to the house, there was a note taped to the bedroom door. It was from Nate. Ian opened it and we read it together.

Dear Ian & Wanderer,

I write this letter with heavy heart because I am concerned about your relationship. I realize that I am the source of all your problems and I wish to apologize to both of you .Wanderer has told me that you both would like to establish a permanent residence for the spring and summer months each year as husband and wife. I would like nothing more than to welcome you both with open arms. Ian would be a strong addition to our family and Wanderer's assets are obvious. However, if my presence continues to cause such discord between you, I will need to decline your request. I cannot in good conscience promise that I can sever my friendship with Wanderer. My feelings for her run too deep. I hope and pray over the summer that we can resolve this issue. I will do my best to try not to be a source of contention. However, if you wish to speak to me, I would welcome it.

Nate.

Ian could see immediately how this news had affected me. I turned and walked silently towards the kitchen. Ian grabbed my arm and pulled me back. "I'm sorry Babydoll. We'll go talk to him tomorrow. I need my family to be able to live and grow here and it's obvious that Nate is at peace with our relationship." I wrapped my arms around Ian and sobbed all the tears that I had been holding in since Ian had caught me and Nate talking right here in this room. I had tried to be so strong and now I just crumbled.

"It's okay." He stroked my face. "Come on, you need to eat." Ian escorted me into the kitchen and he rummaged through the fridge. Luckily, there were leftovers from tonight's fajitas. I pulled myself together while the fajitas were heating in the microwave. We ate until we were about to burst. Once our bellies were full, exhaustion had set in for Ian. We went to the couch to watch TV. Ian lay with his head in my lap. I stroked his hair while I watched the program. Ian has out cold in ten minutes. When the show was over I tried to wake him.

"Ian?" He didn't move. I shook him gently. "Ian, you have to get up."

"Mom, I'm tired." He was dreaming about his Mom. I didn't want to wake him from that. I slid out from under his head. It was late and Jamie had not returned yet. I ran to the cave and found Jamie and Megan just outside kissing each other. I cleared my throat to get their attention.

They stopped kissing and Jamie backed up immediately. "I'm sorry Wanda. I was just on my way back. I swear."

"Uh huh. Tell Megan you will see her tomorrow." I spoke with authority.

Jamie turned to Megan and grabbed her hand. "See you tomorrow." He gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

"Bye Wanda. I'm excited about the surprise," Megan said in her sweet voice.

"Thanks Megan. I hope you like it."

"Well, I like Jamie and he's the last surprise you brought home," she joked.

"Technically, Ice was the last surprise I brought home."

"Oh yeah, well, I liked him too." We all laughed.

"Good night Megan."

Jamie and I headed back to the house.

"Does Burns have an alarm clock in his room?" I asked.

"Yes, I think so." Jamie replied.

"You need to set it for 8:00 AM. I want to make sure you and Ian are out by 8:30 to be on the safe side."

"Okay."

When we returned I pulled the shades as Nate had instructed. Ian was still passed out on the couch. I couldn't leave him there. I leaned over and kissed him on the lips. He opened his eyes. He was disoriented. "Come on. Let's go to bed." I pulled on his arm and he got up slowly. I guided him half asleep to the bedroom. He plopped into the bed as soon as he saw it. He grabbed his pillow and immediately fell asleep on his stomach. He looked like a big kid. I crawled in next to him and fell asleep quickly.


	20. Chapter 20

**I want to say I love all of my readers and I love hearing from you, but unfortunately I only hear from a small percentage of you. It's like voting. Most of you don't bother. If you are reading the story, let me know!**

HOMESICK

Jamie's knock on the door woke me up. "Ian. Wanda. It's time to get up." Ian was still in a deep sleep. I got up, went to the bathroom, and brushed my teeth before waking Ian. I sat on the edge of the bed. "Ian…Superman...wake up!" I said to him in a sing song voice.

He opened his eyes and smiled. "You are the best alarm clock."

"I hope you say that in twenty five years."

"I'll say it in fifty years."

"You're sweet. Come on. Get up. You and Jamie need to get going."

"That's right. The big gift is coming," he said as he stretched.

"Right and we need to discuss our trip to Irving tonight."

"Oh, yeah."

"I was thinking…"

"What?"

"Well, instead of cutting everything to fit in the van, maybe we could rent a U-Haul in Irving. We could get the plywood and the lumber full size and cut it here to fit what you need."

"I like the idea, but what would we do with the van?"

"Well, if we leave here tonight, we can take a room in Irving when we get there. In the morning you stay in the room. I'll go to the U-Haul place to get the truck leaving the van behind. I'll go buy the supplies we need and then swing by to get you. Then we drive back here, unload the truck, and drive back to Irving. By then it should be nightfall again and we can spend another night at the hotel. In the morning, I'll return the truck, pick up the van, and come back to get you. I can do a little food shopping before we leave Irving and we should be back by Friday afternoon sometime."

He thought about it for a minute. "Yes, that could definitely work."

"Okay, you think about getting a list together today. But get up!" I tickled his sides. He practically jumped out of his skin.

"Ahhh! You're ticklish. You never told me that."

"You never asked."

I realized there was much I still didn't know about Ian and I decided then and there that I would make it a point every day to find out something about him that I didn't know.

I got the boys out of the house at about 8:45. Ian was toting a cup of coffee with him and an egg sandwich. Jamie had managed to eat before he was pushed out the door. It was very quiet in the house when they were gone and I felt a bit lonely. I didn't like being alone. It reminded of sitting in the caverns missing Ian. The delivery people did not show up until nearly eleven o'clock. They were kind enough to bring it in, take it out of its packaging and set it up in the living room. I thanked them and the younger of the two asked me if he could get my number. I showed my engagement ring and told him I was already taken. I was glad to have the ring as proof of my unavailability.

As soon as they rolled out of sight I pulled up the shades. It was only a matter of minutes before to my surprise Ian and Nate came to the house together. They charged through the back door and stopped short when they saw the gift.

"You bought us a POOL TABLE!" Ian stammered.

"This is awesome!" Nate howled.

"You know how to play?" Ian asked Nate.

"I've played a little in my time," Nate grinned as he spoke the words.

"Care to test your skills?" Ian teased.

Nate countered. "You're on!"

Ian came over and hugged me. "This is a wonderful gift."

Nate asked if he could borrow me for just a minute. Ian was setting up the rack. Nate spoke to me through his teeth trying not to let Ian catch what he was saying. "Did I tell you I was a pool hustler in high school?"

"No. You didn't." I smiled at him.

The others slowly entered the house in small groups. Each time, the newcomers would express their approval of the gift. Everyone wanted to play.

It was the first time I had ever seen Ian lose at anything. He didn't take it well. "Best two out of three." Ian growled. I had to intervene. There were many others waiting their turn to play.

"Now boys, you played your game. You need to share your toys. Everyone else is waiting a turn."

They both sulked away towards the couch.

"What are you some kind of hustler?" Ian asked Nate.

"They used to call me 'Sharky' when I was a kid. I made a ton of money at the pool hall."

"Well, I'll be damned."

I interrupted their little tête de tête. "Ian did you make that list?"

"Oh, no. I was pitching to Nate down at the field."

"Well, maybe Nate can help you get that list together."

"Yes, Mom." He smiled.

"Don't push it!" I warned him.

It was wonderful to see Ian and Nate getting along so well. I guess they were both making a special effort on my behalf. I only hoped it would last. Ian and Nate both went to the kitchen and began discussing the original plans that had been drawn up by Burns and Ian a few nights ago. I told everyone in the living room that I was setting out a sign up sheet for the pool table so everyone would get their chance. I didn't need any fighting. It was the perfect opportunity for me to do some laundry. I walked in on Jamie and Megan in the root cellar making out.

"Could you two do that somewhere else?"

"Yes, Ma'am." Ma'am? Oh god. Seventeen years old and already a Ma'am. They fled the root cellar.

I called after them. "And keep your clothes on!" I'll be gray before I know it.

I had my CD player with me and I was enjoying the music when Nate came in.

"So, Beautiful, you did a really good thing. I want to thank you." His wavy dark locks were disheveled. He kept it long and he raked his fingers through it pulling it straight back off his face and behind his ears.

"I want to thank you for getting along with Ian."

"Hey. He came to me. I don't know if it's all fake or if he really wants to be my friend, but he _is_ trying."

"Well, either way, I'm glad because now we can be friends again." There was a strand of hair that he hadn't caught and it was hanging in his face. I reached out and brushed it into his mane.

Nate smiled at me for an instant but then he his face became serious. I realized the song that had come on was the same song that we had danced to.

"I'm just gonna go." He held his hand to his ear like a phone. "Call me when you and Ian are ready to go to Irving."

"Okay, I will." I wanted to hug him but I fought my urge, I didn't want to do anything to ruin it.

After dinner, I packed some clothes for the both of us for our road trip. I didn't have to call Nate. He and Ian were having a rematch at the pool table. I sauntered up just as Nate was set to make an impossible shot. He looked as cool as a cucumber. Nate wasn't particularly tall so it was easy for him to bend in such a way to line up the shot without looking awkward. His jeans fit him perfectly. You would have thought that someone made them especially for his body. I couldn't help but check out his butt as he bent over. I caught myself staring and I looked away.

"What the hell! You rot!" Ian blurted out.

At first I thought Ian had seen me and he was yelling at me.

Nate was glib. "Hmmm. I didn't think I could pull it off."

"You suck, you know that?" Ian fired back at him.

"I think you're awesome," I said as I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Great, _now_ you think I'm awesome," he joked as his onyx eyes bore a hole straight through me.

Again I looked away unable to hold his gaze for more than a few seconds because his stare made me blush.

Nate beat Ian in record time and they gave the table up to Rachel and Rob who were waiting their turn.

"We're all packed and ready to go," I announced to the boys.

Nate walked us to the van. "Call me tomorrow when you are on your way back and I will make sure I have the manpower needed to unload everything."

"Thanks Nate," Ian replied.

"Drive safe. Wanda, try not to bring home any guests."

"Ha ha!" I said sarcastically.

Nate slapped the side of the van twice and I pulled away into the darkness. Ian turned his baseball hat around so the brim was in the back and settled into the passenger seat. At first we didn't talk much. We listened to the radio. Then I decided I would try to find out more about Ian. I had been thinking about Nate and the fact the he was a 'poly-sci' major and I realized that I had no idea where Ian had gone to college and what his major was.

"Ian?"

"Yeah?"

"In college, what was your major?"

"I was majoring in business with a minor in communications."

"That's interesting."

"Well, my plan was to go pro in baseball. When I got too old to play I thought maybe I could luck out to be a sportscaster; hence, the minor in communications. The business major was more of a back up plan if the sports thing didn't pan out."

"Where did you go to college?"

"University of Arizona."

Your hat has a 'W' on it."

"Wildcats Baby!"

"Ahhh. And you were in your second year?"

"Actually I had just started my third year when Kyle and I left."

"How in the world did you have time for girls if you were balancing a business major, a communications minor, and baseball?"

"Babe, there's always time for girls. You just don't get attached. They'll suck the life out of you." He was being very cocky.

His comment caused me worry. "So, I suck the life out of you?"

"I won't say that you suck the life out of me, but, seriously Babydoll, our relationship hasn't exactly been a bowl of cherries."

"Point taken. But you are _happy_, aren't you?"

"Yes, Wanderer, you are definitely worth the fight." He reached over and put his hand on my cheek. "You are the first girl I've ever loved."

"Thank you." I placed my hand over his. "What about Kyle?"

"What about him?"

"How come you didn't go to the same college so you could play on the same team?"

"It wouldn't have mattered. Kyle didn't play baseball in college."

"He didn't? But you said that you were both athletes."

"He played football for Texas A&M. He was a running back."

"Really? Football… I never would have guessed."

"Yeah, well, he was always stronger than me, tougher too. He liked the full contact sports. Actually he was better than me in everything. It was hard to live up to him."

"You're better looking." I said emphatically.

"That's only because he's had nose broken so many times."

"So, he was a senior when the world changed?"

"Yep."

"Correct me if I am wrong. He's two years older almost to the day. You were in your third year. Shouldn't he have graduated?"

"Well, technically he needed twelve more credits to get his degree so he had one more semester. He would have graduated in December. He dropped a course here and there due to his football schedule and it put him a little behind. It's not uncommon."

"Was he going to play pro football?"

"No, he was going to go into the business my father was in and try that for awhile."

"What kind of business was your father in?"

Ian started to laugh. "Banking."

"Why is that so funny?"

"You souls don't pay for anything. There's no money," he reminded me.

"I wonder what your father does now," I pondered.

"I don't know."

We were quiet for a minute.

"I can't see Kyle behind a desk."

"Don't let him fool you. Like I said he was better than me at everything. He also got better grades than I did…and he always managed to bed my girlfriends."

I didn't respond to the comment. When we reached Irving, Ian climbed into the back of the van. I got us a hotel room. Once inside Ian stripped down to his boxers, slid under the covers, and turned on the TV.

"This is weird for me." I creased my forehead.

"Why? What's wrong?" He reached out for my hand as I stood next to the bed.

"I'm used to doing this with Kyle."

"Well, hopefully I will change _that_ memory." He pulled me down onto the bed. He kissed me but his hands immediately started to travel to my jeans. He unsnapped the top button and pulled down the zipper. I grabbed his hand to stop him.

"Ian, no, I'm out of commission."

His face fell. "You're kidding me right?"

"Believe me; I would not joke about something like that." He sighed heavily. I was surprised he didn't know. "Why do you think we haven't done anything in the last couple of days?"

"I don't know. Last night I fell asleep and the night before Jamie interrupted us."

"Actually the night I slept with Jamie you wouldn't have gotten anywhere either."

"Great," he said obviously disappointed.

"Hey. A few weeks ago I was a virgin, remember? You didn't press the issue then."

"You're right. But it's easier to abstain when you've never had it because you don't know what you're missing. Once you've tasted the sweetness, it's much harder."

"Well, then I guess it will just be that much sweeter when it does happen," I teased.

Ian groaned. I changed into my sweats and climbed into the bed with him.

"My lips still work. We can pretend we are Megan and Jamie."

He gave me a queer look. "Megan and Jamie? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Are you kidding? They are making out all the time!"

I couldn't believe that Ian was oblivious to this.

"Really? Do you think we should say something to them?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know. The 'talk'."

"I think we should talk to Melanie about it first and see what she wants us to do."

"When you talk to Nate, tell him the next time he speaks to Burns, he should tell him to have Mel call us."

"Okay, I'll tell him tomorrow."

"Ian?"

"Yeah?"

"Am I still worth fighting for?"

"Absolutely."

I snuggled into his chest and he brushed his fingers up and down my arm and eventually we both fell asleep.

The rest of the trip went off without a hitch. I was able to purchase all of the items on the list. I also went to the bookstore and picked up some books on concrete foundations, building, and electrical workings that Ian had requested. He spent every minute we were on the road reading. He read while I drove back to the mountains. Then he read as I drove back to the hotel. He read in bed. He read when I drove us back home again. Before this, the only thing I had ever seen him read was Nate's note.

Once we got home Ian threw himself into his work. I spent little time with him during the daylight hours over the next couple of weeks. Nate spent more time with Ian than I did simply because he was actively helping him build. I was of no use to them. The first step was for them to lay the foundation and that meant pouring the concrete which took a lot of brute strength. Ian worked with Nate, Carl, Rob, Evan, and Tom. Baseball practice was delegated to after dinner and usually ran until it was too dark to see the ball. By the time Ian had showered he was exhausted, so romantic interludes were few. I was bored, lonely, and frustrated.

After more than two weeks of this, I approached Ian because I had made a decision. We were getting up to face a new day. "Ian?"

"Yes, Babydoll?"

I kept my voice quiet. "I want to go back to the caverns."

I caught him by surprise. "What? Why?"

"I'm bored and I miss my friends."

He was defensive. "I can't leave now. I've got two months worth of work ahead of me with these buildings."

"I know. I'm not asking you to come with me."

"How long are you going for?"

"I don't know." I was telling the truth.

"A few days, a week, two weeks?" He pressed for an answer.

"Ian, I don't know."

"If you leave there will be no soul here. How will these people get food and supplies?"

"Well, I guess Burns will need to come back. He'll be a big help to you too. I'm just sitting here with nothing to do. I…I" I was sad but I couldn't tell him that.

"Do you want me to take a day off? We could spend it together."

"As much as I would love that, you wouldn't have a good time because you would be too busy thinking about the work you aren't getting done."

"I don't want to be without you." He was desperate.

"I know." I paused. "I don't want to sound petty but we don't even have sex anymore. You're always so tired."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"I thought if I went back to the caverns I could start getting the tuxes and the gowns and get with my bridesmaids and plan out the rest of the wedding. I need them to help me with this."

He wrapped his arms around me. "But I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too, but it won't be like last time. We are still together and I can come back whenever I want because even if I leave; Sunny will still be there for them. I promise I'll call you every night if you want me to. But you have to promise to talk to me. No shutting down like you did the last time."

He looked defeated. "When are you planning on leaving?"

"As soon as I hear from Burns and I know he is coming back."

He stroked my face. "Can't you stay another week?"

"What good would that do?" I knew if I caved into his demands he would keep pushing for me to stay.

"Listen I'm going to cancel practice for tonight and I'll see if I can get the house to ourselves for the night."

"That would be perfect. I have a surprise I've been waiting to show you."

Ian held me tightly in his arms for several minutes. It seemed as though he didn't want to let go. "Ian, you need to go. The guys are waiting on you. I'll still be here waiting."

That afternoon, I was vegetating on the couch watching some mind numbing soap opera when Nate came in to see me. He sat next to me on the couch. He was hot and sweaty. I got up immediately and went to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of flavored water and brought it back to him.

"Thanks." He opened the bottle and took a long drink. "What's this I hear that you are going back to the caverns?"

"Yes. I can't stay here. There is nothing for me to do. Ian is working himself into a coma every day."

"Well, I could come visit you if that's all you need." He joked. He smiled his brilliantly evil smile.

"Very funny."

Now he was serious. "I wish you wouldn't go."

"I know. It's not forever. I'll be back before you know it."

"Well, Ian wants to have you to himself tonight. Do you mind if Jamie sleeps with me in my room? I'll grab one of the mattresses from the main cave and I'll sleep on the floor."

"That would be great. I would love to spend some time alone with Ian before I leave."

"I think he's hoping he will be able to change your mind."

"Well, I'm just hoping to leave him with an awesome memory."

"Damn girl. You're gonna make me cry."

"Stop it, Nate!" I smacked him on the shoulder.

"Seriously, have fun." He kissed me on the cheek and then left.

After dinner, the house emptied out until there was no one left except me and Ian. During the last two weeks the one person I did manage to speak to was Sunny which is one of the reasons why I was missing her so much. When I told her about the outfits that I bought for the bedroom she immediately came up with a plan of action. Due to her suggestions, I had been practicing seductive dance moves in front of the mirror in the bathroom during my lonely afternoons. I had taken ballet and contemporary dance in my younger years but like softball, I eventually lost interest when my friends did. So, tonight I would put Sunny's plan into action.

Ian came over to me and put his arms around me and started to kiss me. I stopped him. "What? I thought this is what you have been waiting for?"

"I have but remember I told you I had a surprise?"

"O-kay?" He seemed a bit confused and wary.

"Give me fifteen minutes to get ready."

Ian had showered when he came in from working. He was wearing a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. I went to the bedroom, grabbed the teal corset with the garter belt, and my robe. I went to the bathroom and quickly showered. I put on make up but I left my hair wild. I came out of the bathroom wearing my robe to hide the outfit underneath. I went to the bedroom and pulled the extra blanket used during the winter months out of the closet and I covered the pool table with it. I didn't want to destroy it with my heels. I went to Burns's room and grabbed his alarm clock. Then I went to the kitchen and grabbed a wooden chair. I placed the chair about six feet away facing the pool table.

"Are you up for a little game?"

Ian's interest was peaked. "Sure."

"Okay, you have to sit in this chair. You see this clock? The alarm is set for 8:30. That's a half hour from now. You can _not _get out of this chair no matter what I do or what I say. If you do the game is over and you will sleep in our bed and I will sleep in Burns's bed. The evening will be a bust. Do you understand the rules?"

"I can't get out of the chair until the alarm rings. Got it."

"I'm serious. No matter what I say or do."

"Okay." He seemed eager to get on with it.

I went back to the bedroom and slipped on the stockings and the heels. I came out still wearing the robe. I went to the stereo and flipped it on. The music I had practiced to was already in place. The music started and I walked slowly towards Ian. I stopped in front of the pool table and I turned sideways. I slowly pulled the robe back exposing my thigh. At that moment I realized that he had taken off his pants and was only wearing his boxers. He was slick.

I smiled at him. I spoke seductively. "Where are your pants?"

"You said I couldn't get out of the chair. You came prepared, so did I."

I couldn't help but smile. I waved my finger at him.

I slowly opened my robe exposing the outfit. Ian grabbed the sides of his chair.

I took off the robe and tossed it on the floor. I turned and crawled onto the table as seductively as I could. Once I was on the table I stood up and I began to dance. I was really enjoying myself and getting into it. Ian was fascinated. I stayed up there for about fifteen minutes before I slowly pulled off my panties exposing the prize. I sat down on the table and begged him to come to me. I touched myself in ways I knew he wanted to if he could. His hands were again on the edge of the chair and his knuckles were white. He kept looking over at the clock. With five minutes left to go I climbed off the table and approached him. He reached out and grabbed me and pulled me to him. My intention was to give him a lap dance but he pulled me down on top of him. I couldn't get off of him and I didn't want to. So, when the alarm went off we were already in the throws of passion.

Ian slapped the alarm clock to make the ringing stop. "Game over." He panted at me. The rest of the evening was round after round of hot sex. He was crazed and he took me like a wild animal. I learned a lot that night. I'm not sure when or even where my outfit came off but apparently it never made it back into the bedroom because in the morning it was Nate who found it strewn all over the living room.

"Babydoll?" Ian whispered in my ear. "Wake up." Ian wrapped his arms around me from behind and squeezed me tight. I stretched from the tip of my toes to the tips of my fingers even though I was caught in his grip.

"What time is it?" I yawned.

"It's ten thirty."

"You're late. The guys have all started without you."

"We all took the day off."

I spun in his arms to face him.

"I love you." We both said it at the same time. Ian was glowing. He had obviously gotten up already because he was freshly shaved. I rubbed my hands over his smooth face. He kissed me.

"I have morning breath." I said pulling back.

"I don't care." He kissed me again.

"You know I call you my Babydoll but last night you were like a cat. You're my Arizona Wildcat."

I smiled. "Let's keep that under our hat okay?"

There was a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" Ian called out.

"Room service." It was Nate. I looked at Ian. He smiled.

"You better put a robe on." Ian said almost as a suggestion rather than an order. I sprang out of the bed. My robe was still in the living room so I grabbed Ian's. I opened the door and Nate stepped in carrying a tray with breakfast on it.

"Good morning," he said as he walked to the dresser and put the tray down. He had gathered our belongings that had been strewn all over the living room. The blanket from the pool table was folded and my complete outfit was placed neatly on top of the blanket and he had placed the tray on top of that when he carried it all in. My robe was draped over his arm. He went back to the door and left for a moment and came back carrying my spike heels.

He raised the heels to Ian. "_You_ are a lucky man."

Ian smiled "You have no idea."

Nate tapped his finger to his temple. "I have a great imagination."

Ian replied. "Seriously, you have _no_ idea."

I nudged Ian and looked at him as if to convey the message of 'shut up' without saying it.

Nate moved the tray over and another empty tray was underneath. He moved some of the food to the other tray. I was sitting next to Ian who was still lying down in the bed. Nate came with my tray first. "We have coffee, orange juice, bacon, eggs over easy, toast, and a little fresh fruit."

"Thank you, Nate. This is wonderful!"

"Yeah, Ian promised me one last kiss before you marry him."

"Like hell I did!" Ian snapped.

"Joking! Sit up there big fella so I can give you your breakfast."

Ian sat up and his shoulders, chest, and stomach were covered in bruises from the bite marks I had left on him.

"Holy crap! She did that to you?" Nate's eyes were bugged out.

"I told you. Wanderer is definitely no child anymore." Ian was bragging.

"Hey! You started it." I said in my own defense. Ian was known for his biting. I was sure my lower lip must be swollen.

Nate regained his composure. "I'll run a bath for you and then be on my way. I hope you enjoy the rest of your day."

Ian reached out to slap Nate's hand. "Thanks, man. I owe you."

We ate in silence because we were both trying to avoid the conversation that would inevitably come up. Finally Ian spoke. "So, have you changed your mind?"

"No. I don't want to leave you but I have so much to accomplish."

"You can do it from here," he offered.

"I need Sunny and Mel and Lily. Especially Sunny. She can go with me to the stores and help me pick out my wedding dress. Plus I miss them all so much!"

"But I'll be so lonely without you." He was pleading.

"I'll come back in a month for a visit."

"A visit? What does that mean?" He was pushing for a commitment to stay.

"It means in a month we'll see where you are in the building and we'll see where I am in the planning and we will make a decision from there."

"There's no 'we' in this. _I _don't want you to go," he demanded.

"I know. If I had it my way you would be coming with me but I know you have so much to do here. I'm sure all of those people in the caverns miss you. You are one of their strongest protectors and many look up to you. You haven't been home in months."

He looked down at the blanket. "I miss them too. But nothing compared to how much I will miss you."

My eyes filled with tears as I kissed him. "Let's at least enjoy this day together."

Eventually after our bath and more 'alone time' we got dressed. I called Burns and he answered the phone because he was on a road trip with Jared. I told him that I wanted to come home and he agreed that he needed to be here helping Ian. They were on their way back to the caverns and would be able to leave tomorrow night. I decided I would leave and take Jamie with me first thing tomorrow morning. We tracked down Jamie and broke the news to him. He did not take it well. He didn't want to leave Megan. I told him that Mel and Jared missed him. He didn't seem to care.

"Thank goodness, Melanie is not here to hear you say that. It would break her heart!" I scolded him. Ian stood in silence while I ripped into Jamie. "We've all gone through hell and back to protect you and you kiss one little girl and throw all of those who love you away? Shame on you!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean…."

Ian interrupted him. "I know you are going to miss her. It's killing me to let Wanderer go. She promised to come back in one month. You can come back then." He put his hand on Jamie's shoulder for reassurance.

"Okay." He sounded defeated.

That night Ian didn't have wild sex with me. He made love to me. He was gentle and emotional. When we were done he cried himself to sleep with his head on my stomach. The last time I left Ian was cold and unemotional at least in front of me. This time he wore his heart on his sleeve.


	21. Chapter 21

**Sorry guys. I woke up in the middle of the night and I couldn't sleep 'cause I felt like crap. And you teenagers thought you had the market cornered on psycho emotions. I hope you like the chapter.**

HOME ALONE

In the morning, it was tearful all the way around. I got into the van and Ian came and held me and wouldn't let go. It felt like I might never see him again the way he was acting. I had to keep reminding him that it would only be a month. Our last split was for six weeks and we had survived that. He kissed me one last slow burn kiss and I drove away in tears.

I decided I would stop in and see Fluttering to let her know that I was leaving. Today was July twenty seventh. I told her that my fiancé had found an apartment and I was going down a few weeks early to help him furnish it. She wished me luck and said to call her when I was in town or if I just needed a friend to talk to.

That evening I passed the campground and opted to drive further till I found an exit with a hotel. I hated the campground. That bear had put a permanent scare into me. That night I called Ian and we talked for a half hour. We would have talked longer but Jamie and Megan were both waiting impatiently to speak to each other. After a half hour, we made them hang up. Fair is fair.

The next evening we reached the caverns. Before Jamie and I ran back through the desert, I called Ian again. He was at baseball practice but he let Blake run the practice while he talked and when thirty minutes had passed he called Megan in off the field and let her talk to Jamie.

As we entered the caverns, Aaron and Brandt were there to greet us. They were on guard duty.

"Ahhh. The wayward children return!" Aaron cried.

"Aaron, I missed you!" I hugged Aaron.

"Why is it I never get missed?" Brandt groaned.

"Oh Brandt, I missed you too." I hugged Brandt.

"You look radiant." Brandt acknowledged.

"Thank you. It must be all that running around in the fresh air. You need to go there. You would love it. You could play baseball."

"Maybe I'll go back with you if you ever go back."

"I'm going back in one month. I promised Ian."

Aaron spoke "How is Ian?"

"Ian is wonderful."

"I hear you're engaged?"

I held up my hand for the both of them to see. "Yes!" I was beaming with happiness.

"Very nice. Who'd a thought Ian would have such good taste?" Aaron remarked.

Brandt replied. "Well he chose Wanda."

I smiled and kissed Brandt on the cheek. "Thank you."

I could here a commotion coming through the tunnels. I turned and Sunny burst into my arms.

"You're home! Come on, you have to show everyone your ring!" she gushed.

What followed was a repeat performance every time I came across another group of my family. "You're home" followed by "Let me see the ring" followed by "How is Ian?"

The one person who I was most excited to see was Melanie. She was five months pregnant now and she looked so cute!

"Melanie! Look at you!" I hugged her and touched her belly. She was glowing and even Jared was all smiles.

"The baby kicks now," he said proudly.

"Oh my god, this could be me in a year." I was a bit nervous at the thought.

"Are you going to have children right away?" Melanie asked.

"Ian wants to."

Melanie looked concerned. "What do you want?"

I smiled weakly. "I want what Ian wants."

Melanie still looked concerned. "You're not pregnant now are you?"

"No. I'm protected for now. Let's talk about you. Do you have names picked out for the baby yet?"

"Sort of. Can we go to the game room and talk? Standing is hard on my back." Melanie remarked.

"Of course!" Mel, Jared, Sunny and I went to the game room.

"Where did Jamie go?"

Jared answered. "He went to go see Doc and Sharon and Aunt Maggie."

As we got to the game room I realized that Kyle was missing.

"Sunny, where is Kyle?"

"He's taking a bath. We had a little tiff and he's not talking to me. He'll get over it."

"Sounds a lot like me and Ian."

"Oh no! You said he was wonderful. You're not fighting again are you?" Sunny lamented.

"No. We are fine now but it took a lot for him to finally get over the Nate thing. When I left they seemed like best buddies. I just hope it's not an act for my sake."

Jared broke in. "Yes you need to tell us about the 'Nate' thing."

"I will but tell me about the baby names first."

Melanie took the lead. "Well, I wanted to name the baby Jared Jr. if it's a boy but Jared said he didn't want that. I at least wanted it to begin with a 'J' since both Jared and Jamie's names begin with a 'J'. Jared came up with the perfect name. He and I spent so much time as outlaws robbing what we needed that it made perfect sense. So, if it is a boy he will be named Jesse James Howe."

"I like that! What about if it's a girl?"

Now Jared spoke. "If it's a girl we wanted to name her after you. Wanda not Wanderer."

"Oh no, no, no! Don't name her after me. Give her a name you both like. I really don't particularly like the name Wanda."

Melanie stammered, "Are you sure? I wanted to honor you in some way."

"I have the perfect way for you to honor me."

"What's that?"

"Be my Maid of Honor."

"Really?"

"Of course. Who else would I choose? You are like a sister to me. We shared our thoughts and body for almost a year. I love you Melanie."

"Ohhhh! I love you too." She got all misty and we hugged each other.

"Now tell me what you are going to name that little girl."

At that moment Kyle came around the corner. I couldn't get off the couch fast enough. He was my Ian fix and I loved him to death. "KYLE!" I jumped into his arms and wrapped my legs around his waist.

"Whoa girl! Miss me much?" His smile was dazzling.

I leaned back so I could see his face. "Sunny said you were mad at her. That's not true, right?" He raised an eyebrow to me and then he looked over at Sunny and she looked away.

"Sweetie, I think you got it wrong. Sunny is the one who's mad at me."

I looked at Sunny. "Well, I'm here now. If I have to lock you two in a room, I will do it. It worked when Sunny did that to me and Ian."

Kyle laughed. "That's kinda hard when there are no doors."

Sunny got up and put her hands under my arms to pull me down from Kyle's arms. "I'm not mad at Kyle. Now, get off my boyfriend."

"Did I do something wrong?"

Kyle answered quickly. "No. You didn't do anything wrong. I just made the mistake of speaking my mind to my girlfriend who I thought would understand but she didn't."

"What did you say?" I was concerned because I loved them both.

"Nothing." Sunny tried to shut the conversation down.

"I said you were a hot little number."

Jared put his hand to his mouth and tried to hide his laugh.

Kyle felt the need to defend himself. "What? We were talking about the stuff that Sunny was telling Wanda to do with Ian. She said that Wanda bought a very sexy outfit with garter belts and stockings and spike heels. I said she was a hot little number. I mean seriously, picture it."

"Excuse me! Could we _not_ picture it?" I was embarrassed beyond belief.

It was Melanie who broke up the whole thing with her comment. "Okay. I can honestly say that Wanda is definitely a hot little number even if Jared is too chicken to admit it."

"Hey! I only have eyes for you Mel." He kissed her cheek.

"See? Chicken," Melanie said adamantly.

Sunny added her own comment. "I believe they call it 'whipped'."

Kyle cracked up. "Who's laughing now?"

I had to intervene. "Okay, okay. You still didn't tell me what you are going to name the baby if it's a girl."

"Well, I wanted Wanda but if you are so dead set against it then we can name her what Jared had come up with."

I looked at Jared.

"You've heard of the Titanic right?"

"Yes. That was the big Ocean Liner that was supposed to be invincible but sank anyway."

"Right. There were very few people who survived compared to those who drowned. One of those people was a woman who later became known as 'the unsinkable Molly Brown'. She survived despite the odds. This baby will be born despite the odds. I mean technically Melanie should be dead."

"So, you want to name her Molly Brown?"

"Well, no. Just Molly. Her middle name will be Lynn after Melanie's mother."

"Molly Lynn Howe."

Kyle spoke. "Sounds like a winner." He reached over and put his arm around Sunny. "For the record, I only have eyes for you too. Why would I have taken the chance to bring you back here and then have you put back in Jodie's body? You could be in a cryo tank right now headed to who knows where."

"Kyle!" I scolded.

Sunny croaked, "No, he's right. I'm being stupid. You _are_ beautiful. I don't even have the right to be here."

"Now, I didn't say all that. You are right where you are supposed to be…with me." Kyle pulled her chin up and kissed her.

"Come on guys. You're gonna make me cry!"

"Hey, they told me there was party going on in here!" It was Lily.

Again I sprang off the couch. We hugged. "I missed you! How is Burns?"

"Burns is amazing. He is such a gentleman."

"I'm sorry I missed him."

"I heard you got engaged and that you have a gorgeous ring."

I held out my hand proudly.

"Wow!"

I turned to Kyle. "Oh! I forgot to tell you. Nate beat Ian at pool!"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"I purchased a pool table and it turns out that Nate is like a pro or something. Ian can't beat him. It's so funny watching him try to set up impossible shots and Nate always wins."

"I thought he hated Nate."

"I think he's got a new found respect for him."

Jared took this moment to introduce the subject that I had earlier avoided. "Speaking of Nate. What happened that drove Ian over the edge?"

I took a deep breath. "You promise you won't hate me?"

"If Ian doesn't hate you then how could I possibly hate you?"

I told them the story just as I had told it to Ian.

Jared spoke first. "So, are you 'in love' with Nate too?"

I sighed. "At the time, I thought I _might_ be, but I always knew that Ian was the one I needed to be with. There's a difference in the things you want and the things you need. It was when I thought that I had lost Ian that I realized that although I _do love_ Nate; I am 'in love' with Ian." I put my finger up while I gathered my thoughts to continue. "My problem then was that Ian had already been betrayed and he was so very angry. He nearly killed Nate, but what was even worse was that he was destroying himself." I shivered at the thought of Ian throwing that punch near my head and him crying out in pain. Tears welled up in my eyes. "He was so _angry_." I choked.

Sunny put her arms around me. "It's okay; we don't have to go there." Sunny looked at Mel and Jared. "By the end of the day, they made up and Ian proposed in front of everybody. The end."

"Now I miss him. I just want to talk to him," I lamented.

Lily jumped up. "I'll go with you to the desert if you want. I want to make sure Burns got back all right anyway."

"Really you don't mind?"

"No. What time is it?" Lily asked.

Jared looked at his watch. "It's almost eleven."

"We should hurry." Lily pressed.

"They'll be asleep." I knew Ian was dead to the world by eleven the way he had been working the last few weeks.

"So, we'll wake them up!" she smiled.

I turned to the others. "I guess I'll see you all tomorrow."

"Good night," they all said.

Lily and I raced off to the first 'garage'. I gave the phone to Lily and let her call Burns. He was awake because he had just arrived at the mountain. He didn't stop like Jamie and I did. He drove straight through and he was exhausted. Nate was with him. He said Ian was asleep. I told Lily not to wake him but Burns said that Nate insisted, stating that if Ian found out he had missed my call he would be a bear to deal with in the morning. I waited several minutes for him to come to the phone. I knew he was impossible to wake up. Finally I heard his beautiful voice.

"Wanderer, are you all right?"

"You'll think I'm stupid but I miss you."

"I miss you too," he said in a gentle voice.

"Jared wanted to know about what happened with Nate and I was telling him the story. I kept seeing you so angry. I'm so sorry I hurt you." My voice broke.

"Babydoll, it's okay. It's over. I don't want you to dwell on that. Think about last night or the night before. I love you so much."

"I love you too."

He yawned.

"I'm sorry I woke you up. I told them not to but Nate insisted."

"Nate is smarter than he looks." He paused. "Babydoll?"

"Yes?"

"Where are you sleeping?"

"What? In my room. Where do you think?"

"You're away one day and you're already sleeping with another man?" I could hear laughing in the background.

"What are you talking about?"

"Ice has been sleeping in our room."

"Oh my god! I completely forgot!" I turned to Lily. "Lily can I sleep in your room?"

"Of course you can. I already told Burns that before he left. Ian is messing with you." Lily answered.

"Ian, did Burns tell you to ask that question?"

"No." He was laughing.

I couldn't help but smile. "Close your eyes." I paused a few seconds. "Do you see me?"

"Yes."

"What am I wearing?"

"Nothing."

"Wrong. I'm wearing an engagement ring from the most wonderful guy in the world. Thank you."

"Thank you for waking me up. Will you call me tomorrow night?"

"I'll try. I love you."

"I love you more." I handed the phone back to Lily. She talked to Burns for about ten minutes and then hung up.

The next morning when I woke up I felt very lonely even though Lily was sleeping next to me. The same sadness that I felt last night was still very prominent in my heart. When I had spent those six weeks without Ian I tried to block him from my mind, I had become numb to get through each day. Now he was everything to me. My days began with him and they ended with him. Even when I interacted with people, it was all about him. I realized that the next month was going to be more difficult than I had anticipated.

I got up and grabbed what I needed and walked swiftly to the bathing room. It was a delight to have light in the tunnels. The bathing room took on a whole new feeling with the addition of the light. Jeb had a door created so those on the outside couldn't see in. The dressing table was also a nice addition. I definitely had more ideas to add considering there was much more room than I had imagined in the dark. Towel racks, a bench, a set of shelves would definitely be fine features to consider.

When I left the bathing room I ran into Doc and Sharon in the tunnel. "Doc! How are you?" I hugged him. I didn't hug Sharon but she was pleasant to me.

"Wanda! Good to see you back. How is Ian?" The mere mention of his name had me wishing I was in his arms.

"Ian is well. He's better than well. He's strong and tan and healthy. He coaches the kids at the mountain in baseball. He loves it."

"I heard that. It's good that he's doing something that makes him happy. I hear you are going to be a Mrs. soon?"

"Yes. He proposed again but this time he surprised me with a ring." I held out my hand.

Sharon seemed to take a special interest. "It's quite unique."

"Yes. He says the sapphires are his eyes and the diamond is me and that he will love and protect me forever."

"That's wonderful." Doc replied.

"Of course you are both invited to the wedding. It is going to be on the mountain in the fall. They are building a place to hold all of our guests. That's why Ian isn't here with me now."

"That sounds lovely. We'll talk more later." Doc excused himself. Apparently he was in a hurry.

I dropped my things back in the room and headed to the kitchen to see what might be available for breakfast. Ice was sitting comfortably between Candy and Heidi. He didn't notice me enter the room.

I spoke loudly. "What does a girl have to do to get noticed around here?"

Ice looked up. "Wanderer!" He got up and crossed to where I was and gave me a hug.

I pretended to be jealous. "The last time I checked it was me who brought you home and here you are fraternizing with these beautiful ladies."

"Ahhh. The last I checked you had two men already committed to die for you. Don't you think it's time you shared?"

"Oh, but it is so difficult to let such a fine specimen of a man go." I said in protest.

"You flatter me."

We both laughed.

"How _is _Ian?"

"He's like me. Happy…and sad."

"You're not fighting are you?"

"No. I think we are past that… finally. Nate and I will hopefully never cross that line again and they are actually becoming friends."

"Good. Have they repaired the root cellar?"

"You know what? I don't think they have."

"It's kinda creepy like that." Ice shuddered.

"I guess I look at it as a reminder as to what _not_ to do to screw up a relationship. But you're right. I'll mention it to Ian when I talk to him tonight. You know last night he asked me where I was sleeping. I completely forgot you were in our room. He and Nate and Burns were all laughing at me."

"They wouldn't have been laughing had you told them you didn't care that I was there. After all, how many nights did we spend together in the root cellar?" he said in front of his two admirers.

"With Ian!"

"Oh right. He was there too," he joked.

"Very funny. What's for breakfast?"

I guess Ice and I were having too much fun. Heidi and Candy got up to leave. Ice reacted quickly.

"Ladies! You don't have to leave. There's plenty of me to go around. Besides that one over there is engaged. I have no interest in her." He herded them back to their seats.

"Would you like to see my ring?" I offered up my hand.

"It's very beautiful. Congratulations." Candy said sincerely.

Heidi on the other hand was envious. "You are very lucky to have him."

"Thank you both."

I needed to remind myself to tell Ice that Heidi was once one of Ian's lovers.

I scrambled up a couple of eggs for myself and before I was finished Lily came sauntering in.

"Good morning sleepy head!"

"Good morning." Lily wasn't a morning person.

"Later on, can you meet me in the game room? I want to discuss wedding plans with you. I want you to be a bridesmaid, if that's okay."

"Absolutely! I would be honored."

"Good."

I found Mel and Jared in the infirmary. Doc was monitoring Mel's vitals as he often did during the pregnancy since she had such a difficult first four months. I invited them to the meeting in the game room and asked them to bring Jamie. Then I found Sunny and Kyle working the back field. I joined them and invited them to my meeting. I had all the players together except for Ian and Burns.

"Hey, everyone. I invited you all here because I want all of you to be in my wedding."

Mel and Lily already knew but it was news to the rest of them. They all seemed thrilled at the prospect of being a part of my special day.

"Unfortunately, the way things are planned you won't be walking with your partner." They all looked at each other. "Melanie is my Maid of Honor and of course the best man is Ian's best friend and brother, Kyle."

Kyle smiled. "See, Wanda, didn't I tell you I was the best?"

I cracked up. "Your humility is staggering. Anyway, that means Kyle will walk down the aisle with Melanie. Burns is the closet thing to a blood relative that I have. He and I consider ourselves brother and sister so he will be giving me away, which means Lily cannot walk down the aisle with Burns. So I have Sunny and Lily as my bridesmaids and Ian has Jared and Jamie as groomsmen. I thought that Sunny and Jared could walk together and Lily and Jamie could walk together. Is that okay with you?"

Lily answered for the group. "It's your wedding. I'll walk with Jeb if you want me to."

"Actually Jeb will be at the altar as well since he will be performing the ceremony. At least, I hope he will. I haven't asked him yet. I don't want Nate to perform the ceremony considering his feelings for me. I think that would be bordering on cruel."

Everyone agreed with me.

"So, my purpose for being here besides the fact that I miss all of you desperately is to start getting everything together for the wedding. I need each of you to give me your sizes. Girls, I need dress and shoe sizes. Guys, I need pants, shirt, and shoe sizes."

I turned to Sunny. "The others can't go with me into the stores so I was hoping that you would come with me and help to pick out a wedding dress and gowns for the others."

"I would love that." Sunny gushed.

"I know you guys don't care one way or the other but I would like if you girls would help me make decisions. I will gather as much information as I can and have Sunny take pictures so that I can get your input as well."

Mel responded. "That sounds great. I'm very happy that you are including us in your plans. You are going to have the best day."

"Thanks Mel."

"So, when do we make our first road trip?" Sunny asked.

"I need to go to Jeb and ask him about the ceremony. I will ask him if we can go tomorrow night. We can take a couple of days and get supplies for the family while we are at it."

Kyle spoke now. "Wait. You're going to take my Sunshine away from me for a couple of days?"

"Oh Kyle. Don't be such a big baby. Your 'Sunshine' will bring home something special just for you." I winked at him.

He rubbed his hands together. "Now you're talking!"

I looked at Sunny. "I knew that would get him."

"Yeah, I call him 'Mr. One Track Mind'!" The room burst out laughing.

After our meeting broke up, I went in search of Jeb. I found him in the garden of the main cavern. He was weeding. I had seen Jeb only briefly last night when I returned.

"Hey Jeb."

"Wanda. I'm happy to see you back here where you belong. I just wish you could drag that fiancé back here."

"He'll be back after the wedding. I needed to talk to you about the wedding and our plans for after."

"Why does that sound like it's going to be bad?"

"No! It's not bad at all. First I wanted to ask you of you will perform the ceremony."

"I thought you were having the wedding at the mountain? Shouldn't Nate be performing the ceremony?"

"We _are_ having the wedding at the mountain but you are the one who made my being with Ian possible, so it only makes sense that you should be the one who joins us as husband and wife."

"You sure?"

"Jeb, you are my only choice."

"Okay, I'll do it."

I hugged Jeb. It was only the second time that I had ever felt comfortable enough to approach him in this way. "Thank you."

"So, what are your plans for after? Are you leaving us?" Jeb was shrewd. He had seen Ian coaching. He knew the mountain was where Ian would want to stay.

"Well not exactly. Ian and I compromised on a lot of things since the night of the engagement party. We are finally acting like adults. We decided that we would like to spend the spring and summer months at the mountain so Ian can coach and they can continue building on the land. We want to spend the fall and winter months here. We will belong to both clans."

"Well, I guess having my favorite soul half of the year is better than not having her at all. Since you're here why don't you help me weed this garden?"

"Sure." Jeb and I worked quietly the rest of the afternoon. The silence had my mind wandering. I wondered what Ian might be thinking of right now. If I was back at the mountain, I would probably still be missing him. He would be busy working with the guys. I tried to talk myself into accepting that this is where I needed to be for now.

"Jeb? I almost forgot."

"What's that?"

"I want to go with Sunny for a few days to Tucson and start getting the things I need for my wedding. I want to pick out my dress. We can get supplies while we are out if you like."

"When do you want to go?"

"Tomorrow night if it's okay."

"You just got here and you want to leave already?"

"No. I don't want to leave but I have a ton of things I need to do for this wedding. I have to get my wedding dress and the gowns for the Maid of Honor and the bridesmaids and…"

"Whoa! How big is this thing going to be?"

"As big as I can make it in the time allotted. I plan to marry only once; which reminds me, I need to get your shirt, pant, and shoe size. You can't wear jeans when you marry us."

"You mean I have to wear a suit?" He looked frightened. I had never seen Jeb look like this before.

"Yes. Don't worry, Ian and the groomsmen will be wearing tuxes. Ian is not thrilled. He called it a 'monkey suit'."

"Actually I could see him in a tux. He'll probably look like James Bond."

I giggled at the thought of my incredibly handsome fiancé looking so fine.

"So, tomorrow is okay?"

"Fine."

That evening, Lily and Jamie and I went to the 'garage' to call our respective mates. I let Lily call Burns first. They talked while Burns walked to the field where practice had just finished up. Megan had stayed close to Ian in the hopes Jamie would call. Megan spoke to Jamie next. We decided to give each other a half hour to talk. I went last.

"Hello?"

"Hey. I have so much to tell you."

"It's just good to hear your voice. I had a hard time falling asleep last night after you called."

"I'm sorry. I knew they should have let you sleep."

"I'll forgo sleep anytime if it means I get to spend even a minute with you."

My heart began to thump in my chest. I was feeling very anxious. I took a deep breath.

He misinterpreted my silence. "Wanderer, is everything all right?"

"Yeah, I just…" I closed my eyes and pictured him standing in front of me. "How are you and Nate getting along?"

"Fine. Wanderer, is there something you're not telling me?"

"No. I just thought that being with my friends would make it easy to be away from you and when I'm with them, most of the time it is easier…but…I can't get you out of my head. A month is a long time."

"Babydoll, you can come home anytime you want."

"I know. I just have so much to do. I need to stay focused."

"So, what are you saying? That you don't want to call me?" He sounded angry.

"NO! I'm leaving with Sunny tomorrow night to go to Tucson to pick out my wedding gown. That means that I'll have the ability to call you anytime of day. I don't want to interrupt you when you're working but…"

He chuckled. "I love you. You can interrupt me anytime if you feel the need to talk to me. Do you got that? Any time."

I started to cry. I was fanning my eyes to try and stop the tears. "I just wish I could hold you and kiss you." I sobbed.

"Babydoll, please don't cry. This is difficult for me too and if you cry you are just going to destroy me." He was trying to be strong.

"I know. I'm okay." I told Ian about the meeting with the wedding party and with Jeb. Our conversation ended just as it had the night before. I said "I love you." And Ian said "I love you more."

The next day dragged for me. I was anxious to get on the road. I thought if I was concentrating on the wedding it would help to ease my loneliness. I managed to keep myself from calling until we were on the road. Sunny was driving. I spent over an hour on the phone with Ian since I didn't have to give the phone to anyone else. I tried to remain upbeat tonight. It was good to hear that the frame of the first building was complete. Tomorrow they would begin putting the sides on. Ian said it should take no time at all. After that they would be running the electricity and that would be difficult because they had to run everything off of the existing line. They couldn't risk the electric company coming onto the premises. We ended the call the same way as we had the last two days.

Sunny and I took a hotel room in downtown Tucson. We bought a couple of throw away cameras and took them with us to our first stop, the bridal shop. The gowns were exquisite. Sunny and I spent hours at the shop. We both tried on Bridal gowns because even though Sunny wasn't getting married now, we both had hopes that her wedding would soon follow. We took pictures of the gowns that we liked. We would develop them and take them back to the caverns and get the opinions of Mel and Lily before making a decision. My personal favorite was a pure white gown that was off the shoulder. It had a form fitting bodice but it opened up once it got past my hips. It was made of silk. The bottom of the gown was beaded like a snow shower. It had a train that wasn't too ostentatious but very tasteful. We paired it with a long veil that stopped where the gown flowed out. Sunny said Ian would die when he saw me in it. I had Sunny try on many brides' maids' gowns in many colors. Since the wedding was to be in the fall, I was hoping to go with dresses in a rust or burgundy color. They had brown dresses but they just seemed too drab. We discussed the option of putting Melanie in a completely different dress since she would be ready to give birth and a form fitting dress would not do at all. This way Lily and Sunny _could_ wear form fitting dresses.

By the time we were done, we were starving so we went to dinner and it was so nice to be able to sit in a restaurant again. I had been to lunch with Fluttering but we were in the big city now. We went out to a nice Italian restaurant and the food as well as the service was wonderful. We ate foods that would never be cooked at our home. A gentleman at the next table sent over a bottle of wine. Sunny explained to him that we were flattered but we were both in committed relationships. He told us to enjoy the wine anyway. I knew I shouldn't drink it but I was feeling so grown up that I did. We had two glasses each. I was glad that Sunny was driving because I was definitely feeling the effects. Sunny urged me not to call Ian but I wasn't in any shape to take her advice. I dialed the phone. It was just after dinner so I caught him on the baseball field.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Superman." I trilled.

"Wanderer, how was your day?"

"I _love_ Tucson! I'm going to bring you here and we are going to go out on the town and …" I'm not sure if it's what I said or how I said it but he caught on pretty quick.

"Wanderer, are you drunk?"

"Just a little tipsy. I can't get my face to stop smiling. Does that happen to you?"

"Where is Sunny?"

"She's right here driving."

"Is she drunk too?" He didn't sound angry but even if he was I probably wouldn't have picked up on it.

"I don't know. Sunny are you drunk too?"

"Let me talk to her, please?" he said calmly.

"Okay! I love you!" I said in a sing songy voice.

"I love you too, now let me talk to Sunny."

I handed the phone to Sunny. "He wants to talk to you."

"Hello?"… "No. I'm not"…"I think I have a slightly higher tolerance."…"I didn't. It was a gift from another patron."…"No, of course not!"…"We're going back to the hotel."…"I will."…"I know!"…"She'll be fine."…"Okay."

She handed the phone back to me. "He wants to talk to you again."

"Hi Superman."

"Sunny is taking you back to the hotel. Will you promise me you won't leave the room once you get back?"

I took his comment quite literally. "I have to leave the room. I can't stay there forever."

He laughed at my silliness. "Okay. Just promise me you won't leave until morning."

I looked at Sunny. "Ian says we can't leave the room till morning."

Sunny nodded. "Tell him I agree with that."

"She says she agrees."

"Okay. Did you go shopping today?"

"OH! YES!" I was yelling with excitement. "I tried on so many gowns! They were all so beautiful. My favorite was…." Sunny reached out and pulled the phone from me.

"You don't want to tell him about the gown. It's supposed to be a surprise, remember?"

"Oh yeah!" She gave me back the phone. "I can't tell you about the dress. It's supposed to be a surprise."

"Okay, but you had fun?"

"I did. I'm going to be such a beautiful bride."

He laughed again. "I'm sure you are and no man will be happier than I."

"Awwww! I love you, Superman!"

"I love you more. How close to the hotel are you?"

"Check it out! It's a billboard for the Arizona Wildcats!"

"Yes, Tucson. That's my old stomping grounds. Wanderer, the hotel? How close are you?"

I put my hand over the phone to address Sunny. "He wants to know how close we are to the hotel."

"Tell him, just a few more blocks."

"She said just a few more blocks."

"Okay, I have to go now. I'm coaching the kids."

"Oh! I missed practice," I said sullenly.

"That's okay. I forgive you."

"Tell Nate and Burns and everybody that I love them… but not as much as you." I was singing again.

"Okay, I'll tell them. Babydoll, you be good. Call me in the morning."

"Okay, bye."

I hung up the phone before he had a chance to say good bye. That night I slept like a rock. It was actually the best night's sleep I had since I left the mountain.

I slept late. Sunny had already gotten up, showered, and left to get breakfast by the time I stirred from my slumber.

"Good morning sleepy head!"

I wiped the sleep from my eyes as I sat up. "What time is it?"

"After ten."

"Really? Why didn't you wake me?"

Sunny handed me a cup of coffee. "Well you were feeling fine last night, so I thought I would let you sleep in."

"Oh yeah. The wine. I only had two glasses."

"Right and you weigh all of a hundred pounds. That coupled with the fact that you have no tolerance built up. Yeah, you were a goner. You better call Ian."

"Oh my god! I talked to Ian last night. Was he mad?"

"More like concerned. He called an hour ago but I was out getting breakfast. He said to let you sleep."

I picked up my phone off the dresser and saw that I had missed a call. I redialed. The phone rang twice before he answered.

"Good morning Beautiful." It was Nate. Now I was afraid Ian might be angry.

"Uh…Nate? Is Ian there with you?"

"Sure he's up on the ladder. He'll be right down. So, I hear you had a good time last night."

"We just went out to dinner and I had a little wine."

He laughed. "Hey you don't have to explain to me. Here's Ian."

"Hello?" Ian sounded serious.

"I'm sorry!"

"For what?"

"For drinking."

"Hey, I'm surprised you never did it before."

"That's cause I was a good girl. You corrupted me," I teased.

"I see. So this is my fault?"

"Indirectly, yes."

"Okay. I'll accept that although I don't know why. At least you were a happy drunk."

"I'm not a drunk. And before I was kidnapped I was a sweet, innocent virgin who would never do anything immoral," I stated emphatically.

"Would you like to go back there?"

"Sorry Ian, I like corruption. You couldn't scrape me off you if you tried."

He laughed. "I love you Babydoll, just the way you are."

"I love you too, Superman."

"So what is your plan for the day?"

"Well I wanted to check out invitations and I wanted to see about tuxes. How do you feel about wearing white?"

"You wouldn't. Please Wanderer; I have to put my foot down somewhere."

"I'm kidding. I'll be the one wearing white."

"Right, because you're so innocent and virginal," he joked.

"Are you trying to make me cry?"

"No. I'm sorry. You'll be a vision in white."

"Thank you."

"Look Babydoll, I know I said you can call me anytime but I was just up on a ladder putting in electrical wiring. Can I call you later?"

"Yes. I need to get my butt in gear. I love you."

"I love you more."

Sunny and I checked out invitations. They allowed us to take samples of the cards we liked. We chose six that both Sunny and I felt best expressed me and Ian. I would get input from Mel and Lily before I made my decision. Then we went to the formal shop for men to check out tuxedos. We had no one to try on anything so we just checked out what we liked. Again we took pictures. I couldn't reserve anything yet anyway until I had a date set and the guys were too far away from completing the building to give me even an approximate date. The good thing was so far everything was going smoothly. We had a late lunch. I suggested to Sunny that we see about getting a couch for the main cavern. It had a lot of natural light and people liked to congregate there but there was no place to sit. She agreed that it was a good idea. We selected a chocolate brown leather loveseat because it had to be small enough to fit in the back of the van. We couldn't close the doors but we were able to tie them so the doors were almost closed.

The end of the day we went to Victoria's Secret to get Kyle's surprise. We had so much fun. Since Ian loved me in the corset outfit, I chose another one in white to wear on our wedding night. Sunny picked out a yellow number that she said would remind Kyle of sunshine.

That evening at the hotel, Sunny and I spent some girl time together. We turned on the music channel on the TV and Sunny taught me some dance moves as well as some seduction tips to use on Ian. She was my mentor and I soaked up every useful tip she gave me. That evening Ian called me right after practice but our call was cut short because Kyle was trying to reach us from Sunny's phone. She had left hers with him so they could stay in touch.

Our last day in Tucson, we did some food shopping for the family. We returned with our spoils and everyone was pleased with the new loveseat. I thought if we got a few more the main cavern would be quite comfortable.

Lily and Mel were in agreement with most of the choices I was leaning towards. Melanie definitely wanted something more suited to her expanding waistline as Maid of Honor. I told her I would inquire about some choices on our next trip.

I pushed Ian for a completion date. He believed that if things continued the way they were going that we could have the wedding the end of October. I chose October twenty fifth since it was the last Saturday of the month.

Trudy came to me with an interesting suggestion. She said that she and many if not all of the others in the caverns did not have the dress clothes to attend such an extravaganza and did not want to be seen in the presence of the mountain people in their casual clothes. She asked if I could possibly purchase dress clothes for those who wished to attend. I was excited at the prospect of dressing everyone at my wedding. I went to each person in the cavern and asked for their sizes. I decided I would get everyone a new outfit regardless of whether they intended to come to the wedding.

Sunny and I went out to Tucson about every three days for an overnight trip as we began attaining the clothing we needed. It helped to make the weeks pass more quickly. The invitations were ordered as well.


	22. Chapter 22

DEVASTATION

It had been three weeks since my arrival to the caverns. I was counting the days until I would return to my Ian.

Lily, Jamie and I went for our nightly run to the 'garage' for our phone calls. We brought Sunny's phone as well as mine so two of us could talk at a time and whoever finished first would then give their phone to the third. We took turns being the last to get the phone. Lily was last tonight. On the mountain Nate had relinquished his phone to Ian since I called Ian at all hours of the day when I was on road trips with Sunny. During scheduled calls like tonight Ian, Megan, and Burns often met up together and hung out in the root cellar waiting for our calls. It was a routine that worked well for all.

I dialed Nate's phone. He picked up on the first ring.

"Hello, Beautiful!" I was confused. Nate always addressed me as Beautiful but I wasn't sure this was him.

"Nate?"

"At your service." It was Ian. He couldn't fool me.

"Ian. Quit messing around."

"Well, why did you think it was Nate?"

"Because he always calls me Beautiful. I told you that."

"I didn't realize I called you beautiful. My mistake. I mean not a mistake cause you are beautiful..."

"I know what you were getting at. Guess what?"

"I don't know. What?"

"One more week and I'm coming home."

"You know how to make a guy smile."

"I'm almost finished writing out all of the invitations. I'll bring the ones for the family at the mountain when I come. How are things with the building?"

"The lights work. We are putting in the duct work so we are hoping to have the heat operational in a few days. Then we just need to lay the insulation in the walls and sheet rock. Some of the guys are already laying the shingles on the roof."

"I hope I never have to do _that_ again," I said dryly.

"I was cruel. I never should have left you on that roof with no way to get down."

"I could have jumped."

"You could have broken your leg. I should have done the right thing and helped you finish."

"Point taken. I still love you. The day after tomorrow, Sunny and I are going to make one last trip to Tucson. I have a fitting for my dress and so does Sunny. We are going to pick up our shoes first so they will know how long to hem the gowns. Then we were going to see about the possibility of artificial flowers since fresh flowers can't be delivered. We can use some fresh flowers but I would need to order them up there but not in town. Fluttering always seems to have a pulse on what's going on."

"You are a busy lady. I just work, coach, and sleep. I'm just waiting for you to come back to me."

"Soon, but even when I get there, I need to get the feel of the hall because I have to get the tables, the arch, table cloths, linens, plates, silverware. Hey! Maybe you can build the arch for me?"

"Ah Babydoll? Remember when I said I work, coach, and sleep? That's about all I have time to do."

"Come on Superman."

"I'll try. I'm not making any promises."

"Good enough."

"So, you'll call me tomorrow night?"

"Of course. I love you."

"I love you more."

"Good night."

The next day I prepared a list of the things I would need to decorate the hall as well as plates, silverware, and cups and glasses. I thought that Sunny and I could check on some of those things as well if we had the time.

That evening we made our usual run to the 'garage'. I was slated to be last to talk tonight, so I settled into the back of the jeep and closed my eyes. Jamie came to me immediately and held out the phone. "What?"

Jamie responded. "Megan is not with them. They are on the road."

"On the road? Why?"

"Here, talk to Ian." He shoved the phone into my hand.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Babydoll."

"Where are you?"

"We've got some trouble."

"What do you mean 'trouble'?" I sat up straight. I could see Lily pacing back and forth talking to Burns.

"Burns got a call from the police in town. It seems the same campground that had the troubles before with the humans is having trouble again. They have spotted two humans scavenging. They can't get near them because they believe they are armed. They told Burns that if can't round them up in the next week they are going to call in the big guns. We don't need that."

"Why are you going?"

"Burns asked me to go and even if he didn't you know I would have gone. It's me, Burns, Nate, and Evan."

"Do you have guns?"

"Yes, we are fully armed but we are hoping we won't have to use them."

"I don't like this." I had a knot in the pit of my stomach.

"I know you don't. Either way, I should be back when you come home. The bad thing is you can't call me. You will have to wait for me to call you."

"I can't call you?" I started to panic.

"No. We will be out in the woods. A ringing phone won't exactly help us. Promise me you won't call."

"Ian!"

"Okay. I'll be shutting the phone off then when I am in the woods if I can't trust you. This is dangerous Wanderer. Think about how dangerous we humans were to you when you first came to us. Think how dangerous _I_ was too you."

"Okay. I get it. I won't call. Promise me you'll call me then."

"I will call you when I can."

"I love you, Ian."

"I love you more."

I wasn't comfortable with this situation. I didn't like the fact that it was always Ian who put himself in harms way. Last time it was Holly and Kara but they had already been caught. This was not a pickup. This was a hunt.

I didn't sleep well but neither did Lily. When one of us did fall asleep the other one tossed and turned until we were both up. I think it was near morning when we finally both passed out from sheer exhaustion. I slept half the day away but I kept my phone close to my head even though I knew I couldn't get reception in the caverns. I guess it was wishful thinking.

That evening Sunny and I were packed and ready to go. I wanted to call Ian very badly as soon as we hit the road but I knew that I couldn't. Ian had ordered me not to. I let Sunny drive because she liked driving. I held the phone in my hand.

When we got to Tucson, we went to our usual hotel. I think the clerk thought we were sales representatives and that is why we were always coming back. I was getting changed for bed when the cell phone rang. I dove across the bed to get to the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey Babydoll." I let out my breath that I had been holding.

"Ian. Thank goodness."

"I told you I would call you when I could."

"So, what's going on?"

"Nothing much really. We've been here since late last night and we haven't seen or heard anything. They closed the campground until we are done. I'm in the truck right now. We've been taking turns resting so there are always two or three of us out in the woods at a time."

"Well, me and Sunny are here in Tucson again. We were about to go to bed."

"Wish I was there with you. I would like to snuggle with you in that big bed."

"Somehow I don't think you'd be snuggling," I teased.

"Well, I would eventually."

"Actually I need to get some sleep myself. I haven't slept since yesterday. I chose the last turn so I could make sure that I called you. I have six hours to sleep and then someone will come and get me."

"Well then you had better get to sleep. Dream of me."

"Always."

"I love you."

"I love you more."

I hung up the phone. I looked at Sunny. "Well, so far so good. Let's get some sleep."

The following morning, we woke up early. We hit the mall shortly after it opened to purchase shoes. I found a pair that would be perfect. They were spikes but Ian was nearly a foot taller than me as it was, so three inch heels were fine. Sunny found a pair that matched her gown almost exactly. She had a swatch of material from her gown to use when trying to find a pair of shoes. We bought the same pair for Lily. She would be taller than Jamie but Burns was her date and at six foot four, he was taller than everyone.

We left the mall and headed for the bridal shop. The fittings went well. We were on our way to have some lunch when the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Wanda, It's me Nate. Ian's been shot."

I felt the blood run out of my face. "What? Where is he?"

"We had to leave him."

"What do you mean you had to leave him?" My body started to tremble.

"We were tracking two humans. One was a boy. Ian was about to grab him when he was shot. I got the kid. There was a stand off. We had to use the kid as a bargaining chip to get her to put down the gun."

"Wh-what do you mean her?" My mind was racing.

"It was his older sister. She's in her twenties I guess. She shot him through the trees at fifty yards!"

"Nate. Is he…?" I couldn't even say the word.

"He was alive when we left him. Burns is running to the truck to get the 'Heal'. Evan and I have the prisoners and we are bringing them back to the van. He's hurt bad, Wanda."

I was shaking so bad I could barely hold the phone. "Sunny, go back to the caverns."

"What's going on?" she demanded.

"Look, I have to go. I'll call you when I have more news."

"Nate, No!" he hung up.

"Wanderer, what's going on?" Sunny kept turning her head to see my face.

"It's Ian. He's been shot." I said the words but in my mind I felt like the words couldn't be real.

"So did they heal him?"

"They had to leave him to go back and get the 'Heal'. They have prisoners. He was shot by a woman. Nate said it was bad. Sunny, I'm scared." My heart was pounding out of my chest. I felt sick. I held the phone in my hand and I rocked back and forth in my seat. I remember thinking that when Ian hugged me good bye when I left the mountain, that I felt like it was the last time he would hug me.

"This is _not _good." I couldn't stop my leg from jumping. "Come on you stupid phone. Ring!"

Sunny kept driving. We had checked out of the hotel this morning so Sunny got right on the highway to go back to the caverns.

The phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Wanderer." It was Burns. "He's got a bullet in his belly. There's no exit wound. I can't get the bullet out. He's lost a lot of blood."

"Let me talk to him!"

There was a pause.

Ian spoke. He was weak. "Wanderer."

"Ian! Tell me you're all right."

"It hurts." He paused. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to die."

"Ian!" There was no answer. "IAN!" still no answer. "IAN ANSWER ME!" My eyes filled with tears. I was trying very hard to see through them. I didn't want to believe he was dead. Sunny was calling my name.

"NO! ...NO! …NO!" I couldn't breath. If I had a knife I would have stabbed it into my heart to stop the pain. I understood now the pain that Jared must have felt when he first laid eyes on me and realized that his Melanie was gone. Sunny pulled to the side of the road and grabbed me and wrapped her arms around me. "Not my Ian." I was devastated. "Not my Ian." I wanted to die too.


	23. Chapter 23

I DO want you all to know that when I wrote the last chapter I cried. I walk several miles every day. I originally planned out this chapter in my head and came up with the words to describe how she was feeling by putting myself in her place. I was walking and crying. If anyone had come upon me they would have thought I was insane. Then when I wrote it on the computer, I broke down and cried again. It was emotionally draining.

Thank you to my anonymous readers whom I cannot reply to: Annabelle, Ian O'Shea, and my newest, Sarah. And to the rest of you who review…Well, you know how I feel about you, so dry your tears and keep in mind I love Ian too.

DEVASTATION - PART II

FOR THE SECOND TIME IN MY SHORT HUMAN LIFE I was outside the van on the highway puking my guts up over the loss of Ian. I wished with all my might I could go back to that day when we were fighting. At least he was alive then.

The phone rang. I couldn't talk to Burns. I handed the phone to Sunny.

"Hello?"

Sunny pushed the phone to my ear. "It's Ian. He's alive!"

"IAN!"

"It's me my love," he spoke quietly.

"I thought you were dead!" I cried out.

"So, did I."

I began laughing and crying all at once. "Are you all right?"

"Well, I have a bullet in me."

"I'm coming to you right now."

"Burns needs to speak with you."

"Then he'll give me back to you right?"

"Yes." He still sounded weak.

"Hello?'

"Burns. How could you let me think he was gone?"

"I'm sorry. I thought he was gone too. When he dropped the phone I thought that was it. I jammed heal into his mouth. I spread it all over his belly. There was so much blood I didn't know where the wound began or ended. I never even gave him any 'No Pain'. I must have caught him just before…" He couldn't say it.

I swallowed hard. "But you saved him."

"Yes, he's alive for now."

"What does that mean?" A new wave of panic washed over me.

"I healed him with the bullet in him. Without the 'No Pain.', he felt his body healing itself. She shot him with a high powered rifle. That's a big bullet and I don't know where it is inside him. I need you to go and get Doc and bring him to the mountain. He needs to take this bullet out before it does anymore damage or causes infection."

"Okay. Hold on." I put my hand over the phone.

"Sunny, take us to the caverns. We need to bring Doc to the mountain. The bullet needs to be taken out or Ian could still be in danger."

She nodded.

"Burns, can I speak to Ian now?"

"Sure. Let me get him up and walking. I want to get him to the truck."

"What did you do with the humans?"

"I told Nate to knock them out when they get to the truck. This girl was like Rambo. I've never seen anyone shoot like that before. She probably would have killed us all had it not been for Nate grabbing that kid. She thought we would kill him. It's the only reason she gave up. Hold on a minute okay?"

I waited impatiently. My heart was still pounding. At least I had stopped crying, but I still felt sick.

"Hey Babydoll."

"Ian. My heart is pounding. I wanted to die. I…I" Those feelings of despair had returned again. I was forcing back the tears.

"I love you so much." His breathing was labored.

"Are you walking right now?"

"Yes, Burns is helping me. He doesn't want to give me any 'No Pain' because he says if I can't feel the pain I won't know if anything is wrong."

"Are you in pain now?"

"No. The healing part was painful in a weird sort of way. It hurt but it felt good at the same time. I can't explain it. I feel exhausted though."

I got the feeling he wasn't telling me everything.

"I know I should let you go but I am afraid if I hang up you will really be…"

"Wanderer, I'm really here. I'll be all right."

"You'll call me if you have even the slightest pain?"

"I will. I just want to get back to the mountain." He still sounded weak.

"I love you and I want so badly to touch you, to know you are real."

"I'm real. Be safe my darling and remember, I love you more."

Ian hung up the phone. I immediately dialed Nate's number.

"Hello?"

"Nate?"

"Wanda I see him coming. He's okay." I took in a deep breath and blew it out. His confirmation helped to ease my fears.

"I know. I just spoke to him. He still has the bullet in him. Please keep a very close eye on him and call me if anything changes. And I mean anything! I can't go through the agony I felt when I thought he was gone again."

"All right, I'll call you if anything changes. I have to go." He hung up.

I told Sunny everything that was said on the phone. "Kyle will want to go with you and I want to go too."

"But then there will be no soul left in the caverns."

"Ice is there."

"But he's unproven." I protested.

"I don't care. They have enough food to last. We won't be gone more than a week."

I couldn't leave my family without. "Maybe we should stop and get food. We are going to have to wait till nightfall anyway. It's better than just sitting at the wash waiting for the sun to go down. Plus, we'll save time if we drive directly to the caverns and bypass the jeep."

"Okay, you have a good point. I'll stop at the next town."

As we exited into the town the phone rang. I answered immediately.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me Nate."

I panicked. "Is Ian all right?"

"Yes, he's asleep here with me in the back of the truck. I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry about what happened. I feel like it's my fault because I was the one who told him to grab the kid."

"I'm sure it's not your fault but I do wish you would tell me what happened."

"Evan was asleep in the van. Me, Ian, and Burns were tracking the humans when we spotted them. We thought we had a man and a boy. We split up to try and surround them. We had them on the run. I could see the kid hiding behind a tree very close to where Ian was. I signaled to Ian as to where the boy was and I called out for him to grab him. Ian didn't take more than two steps before the shot rang out and Ian was down. The kid ran in my direction and I tackled him. I pulled the boy to his feet and used him as a shield. We still thought the shooter was a guy. It wasn't until she spoke and the boy called her 'Sissy' that we realized it was a girl. She called out to the boy to make sure he was okay. He's the one who told her we were human. Burn's stayed hidden. He didn't show himself until after she came out and dropped her gun. Man, she was pissed when she saw him. She fought him even though he was holding a gun and she was strong. This girl is about six feet tall. Burns had quite a struggle just to control her and get her to the truck. I tried to check on Ian but I had to deal with the kid. I hated leaving him there bleeding like that."

"Nate, I don't blame you. I know if there was anything you could have done; you would have."

"That's just it, Wanda. I can't help but wonder if I would have. So many times, I've wished that he was out of the picture."

"Don't even think that. You would have. I'm sure of that."

It was quiet for a moment. "Well…he's sleeping peacefully right now. I promise to take care of him, Wanda. I love you and I know that he is your world."

"Thank you, Nate. I love you too. Never forget that."

"I won't let you."

"Make sure Ian calls me when he wakes up."

"Okay, bye."

I turned to Sunny with determination. "Lets' shop. The quicker we get done the quicker I get to Ian."

By the time we got to the wash it was just getting dark and we didn't have to wait. Kyle and Jeb were on guard duty. As soon as we pulled up we both jumped out of the van. The idea of telling Kyle that the only family member that he had left had been shot and nearly died and could still die made me start to cry again.

Kyle ran to Sunny. "What's wrong?" he asked her.

Then his eyes met mine and he could see the tears. "It's Ian, isn't it?"

"He's been shot." I blurted out.

Sunny quickly commented. "He's not dead."

Kyle looked confused and scared. "They healed him right?"

It was Sunny who again answered. "Burns healed him but he couldn't get the bullet out or he would have died. Wanda was on the phone with Ian when she thought…"

I finished her sentence through my tears. "He said 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to die' and then he was gone! What was I supposed to think?"

Sunny pulled away from Kyle. "Go to her. She needs you."

He did as Sunny asked and came to me and engulfed me in his arms. "Jesus. That must have been hard."

I looked into Kyle's eyes. "If he dies, I don't want to live without him. Promise you'll have Doc take me out of this body and bury me with Ian."

"Stop it, Wanda. He's not going to die. Burns healed him."

Sunny continued. "We came back because Burns told us to fetch Doc. He says Ian is not healthy and Doc needs to take the bullet out of him before it does more damage."

Kyle ran his fingers through his hair. "Where was he shot?"

"In the stomach."

"What kind of gun?"

"A high powered rifle. That's all I know. Oh and he was shot by some Amazonian woman. Nate said she is about six feet tall. They captured her and her little brother."

Kyle scooped me up and carried me into the main cavern. He tried to comfort me. "You know Ian's a fighter. He's not ready to leave you yet."

"You'll come with me to the mountain right?"

"Yes, I need to see him too." He put me down on the loveseat. "Stay here. I'll go and get Doc. Sunny. Get clothes for me and you and get the rest of Wanda's from Lily's room and meet me back here."

Within thirty minutes, word had spread. Kyle had returned and was waiting with me for the others. Jamie showed up with his bag in his hand. "I'm coming too."

Kyle yelled at him. "You're not going."

Jamie stood his ground. "Ian promised I could come back with Wanda."

"I don't care." Kyle was irate.

I grabbed Kyle's hand. "It's okay. Ian would want him to come back."

I looked at Jamie. "Did you check with Mel and Jared?"

"Yes. They're on their way here."

A minute later Mel ran to me and put her arms around me. She knew first hand how I felt about Ian. "I'm sorry about Ian. Is he okay? Are _you_ okay?"

"I think he's okay. I haven't heard anything. I'll be okay once I see him with my own eyes. I miss him so very much."

"I know." She brushed my hair off of my face.

"Jamie wants to return with me. Is that okay with you? I know he has been waiting as long as I have to see Megan."

"Are you sure?" she said.

"He'll be a great help to me emotionally." I assured Melanie.

"Thank you, Wanda. I promise I'll be good and I won't get in the way." Jamie spoke with gratitude.

Lily offered me best wishes for Ian's speedy recovery and she asked that I hug Burns for her. I asked her if she wanted to come but she said the van was going to be crowded enough already. Kyle drove and Sunny rode shotgun. I sat in the back with Jamie who had put his arm around me. Doc and Candy sat with us. As soon as we were on the road I called Nate.

"Hello?"

"Hi Nate. How are things?"

"Well we got back and we had to wake Ian to get him in the house. He tried to call you but you must have been in the caverns. He's asleep again. I'm in the root cellar with Evan and our new friends."

"So, is Burns watching him?"

"No. Burns was exhausted. He hadn't slept in twenty four hours."

"Then who is watching Ian?" I demanded.

"I've got Holly sleeping on the couch. She said she will watch over him."

"I know Holly has her own agenda but tell her I said thank you anyway. We're on the road and we're driving straight through. We should be there by tomorrow evening."

Kyle drove all night while the rest of us slept. In the morning Sunny drove. I sat up front with her so Kyle could catch some sleep in the back.

In the morning Ian called me.

"Ian?"

"Good morning Babydoll. It's great to be alive." He sounded better than yesterday.

"How are you feeling?"

"That's hard to say. I feel okay but I wouldn't run the marathon."

Doc interrupted me. "Can I please speak with him?"

"Ian, Doc wants to talk to you."

"Okay." I handed the phone to Doc.

"What medications did Burns use when he healed you?"…"How are you feeling?"…"Pain or pressure?"…"Have you eaten at all since the incident?"…"Have you had a bowel movement?"…"Any shortness of breath?"…"I need you to eat light. No meats, no heavy foods. Stick with soup or salad. Don't eat after one o'clock today. If you do have a bowel movement I need to know if there is any blood. That goes for urine too. If it's very dark, I want to know."…"If you experience any more pain, even briefly, call me"…"Is Burns with you?"…"Okay. I'll call him on his cell."…"Yes, absolutely."…"Sure."

Doc handed the phone back to me.

"Ian?"

"Yes?"

"So are they keeping you in bed?"

"No. I'm sitting on the couch with Kara and Holly watching TV."

"Oh." He knew by my tone that I wasn't thrilled about the idea of Holly being close to him.

"Well, I wanted to work but Nate and Burns wouldn't let me. They said Kara and Holly would take good care of me."

I was ready to come back with a snide remark but I caught myself. I ended up not saying anything at all. Ian picked up on my silence.

"Babydoll, I can't wait to see you. I miss you so much."

"I miss you too." I didn't know what else to say. I was feeling lonely even though he was on the other end. I needed so desperately to touch him and I couldn't. "Ian, I'm going to let you go. We are pulling into a town to get gas." It was a lie.

"Okay, I'll see you tonight then?"

"Yes, tonight. I love you." That wasn't a lie.

"I love you more."

I hung up the phone.

Kyle and Sunny both pushed the speed limit, so we arrived before dark. When the van came to a stop at the house, I threw open the back door and practically fell out. I leapt up the back stairs into the living room. Rachel and Rob were playing pool. The rest of the house seemed to be empty.

"Wanda! Ian's at the baseball field with the others," Rob announced.

"He's coaching? Are you kidding me?" I was shocked they would allow this.

"He's coaching from the bench. He couldn't sit in this house anymore. He was itching to get out," Rachel clarified.

"Thanks." I turned and bolted out the door. "He's at the field!" I yelled out to the others as I raced past them towards the cave. I was at a full sprint in seconds. I could feel that my body was so much stronger now that I had run back and forth to the garage so often in the last month. My stamina was greater and my stride seemed longer. I spotted him immediately as I entered the back field. It was nearly a mile from the house and I hadn't let up but now my side was hurting. Ian was sitting on a bucket outside the dugout. He couldn't see me because he was facing Burns who was standing at home plate hitting grounders to the kids in the field. Burns saw me first. He looked at Ian and I saw Ian turn towards me. I wanted to run faster but my body was screaming in pain. I had to stop to catch my breath. I bent over and grabbed my side. When I straightened up again, Ian was standing and he began to walk slowly towards me. I started to run again. As we got closer, my first instinct was to vault into his arms but I could see by his face that he was in pain. He had lied to me. I came to a stop just a foot short of him. He put his arms out and grabbed my wrists and pulled me to him. I couldn't hold back the tears. He used his arm strength to pull me off the ground so I could put my arms around his neck. He pulled my legs around his waist.

I objected. "Ian. You're in pain."

"I don't care. I love you." He kissed me and I kissed him back. His lips were so warm. His kiss was hungry and yet tender. He didn't nibble my lips but he grasped the back of my head and kissed me until the pain overcame his want for my lips and he had to put me down.

"Ian you need to sit." I held his hand and walked him slowly back to the dugout. Burns came over to assist Ian. I knelt on the bench and put my arms around his neck and hugged him. I looked at the other end of the bench. Nate was sitting with a woman I had never seen before. Her hair was a mess. She looked like a wild animal.

She looked at me and then she addressed Ian. "Hell, you're in love with a parasite? I should have killed you."

My rage took over. I let go of Ian's neck and I lunged off the bench towards her. Nate popped up to block me. I tried to get past him but he grabbed my arms and pinned them to my sides. Then he maneuvered his arms around me until I was trapped in a bear hug. In the meantime, Burns had grabbed the woman from behind and was restraining her.

Nate's face was just inches from mine. "Wanda, she'll hurt you."

"I don't care. Just give me one shot at her." I was still struggling to break free from his grasp.

He resisted. "I can't do that."

"Why are you defending her?"

"Wanda she was protecting her brother. You would have done the same if it was Jamie."

I raised my voice to a squeal. "She called me a parasite!"

Nate tried to reel me in. "Look at me, Wanda." He trapped me in his gaze. "Look at me." Now he had my attention. "How many people love this parasite?" His lips curled up in a little half smile at the corners. Nate was good looking but his smile was electric. Still, I could see the pain in his eyes.

I relaxed. "Okay." I looked away from his eyes. "I'm okay." Nate released me.

The Amazon woman sunk back into the wall. She sneered at Nate. "God, you love her too?" Was it that obvious?

Ian looked pale. He hadn't moved during the entire ordeal. That was unlike him. I turned to Burns. "Can we get him back to the house please? He doesn't look so good."

Ian protested. "I'm fine."

I took Ian's hand in mine. "Even Superman had his kryptonite."

"Wanderer, I'm fine," he sounded angry.

"Doc asked me to bring you back. Please?" I looked at Burns. "Help him. Please?"

Nate jumped up. "I'll get him. Burns is the only one who can control Victoria."

So, she had a name. I wondered where her brother was.

Nate put Ian's arm over his shoulder. I came up on the other side and put my arm around his waist. He flinched. I moved away from him.

"You lied to me," I barked at him.

"I had to," he lamented.

Blake came running up and took Ian's free arm and placed it over his shoulder. Together they practically dragged Ian back to the house. Jamie met us at the steps. "Doc said to bring him to the root cellar. Apparently Burns had called Sunny's cell and spoke to Doc about Ian's deteriorating condition. They were setting up for surgery in the root cellar.

As we approached, Kyle was coming out. He rushed to Ian and took over Blake's side. "Brother, you look like hell."

"Thanks." Ian muttered.

A cot was set up next to the folding table that doubled as the poker table which was blanketed with a sheet and laid out with surgical instruments. Sunny entered carrying a large bowl of water. They helped Ian lie down on the cot.

"Everyone out!" Doc ordered.

I grabbed Ian's hand. "I'm not going."

Kyle chimed in. "I'm not going either."

Doc rolled his eyes. "Fine! You two, over there…against the wall. The rest of you can wait outside." He turned his attention to Ian. "Ian, take off your clothes and cover yourself with the sheet. I'll be back in five minutes."

I helped Ian get his shirt off and then I unbuttoned and unzipped his shorts.

He smiled. "I had envisioned a slightly different scene with you taking off my pants."

I glared at him. "I'm glad you still have you sense of humor." I said flatly.

"Babydoll, are you mad at me?"

"Yes, you should have told me the truth."

"The truth is the pain didn't start until this morning. I told Doc about it. I didn't want to worry you any more than you already were." He sighed and lay back on the cot.

I covered him with the sheet and walked to where his head was. I kissed his lips gently. "I'm sorry. I love you."

Doc and Candy entered the room and he ordered me to the wall where Kyle now stood.

"Ian, I am not giving you any 'No Pain' because I need to know right away when you wake up how you feel. I _am_ going to knock you out though. Are you ready?"

"Yes, I'm ready."

Kyle reached out and grabbed a hold of my hand. Doc nodded to Candy and she placed a washcloth soaked with chloroform over his face. He struggled for a second and then relaxed. Doc folded back the sheet revealing the scar. He sprayed clean on the site. Candy placed clean towels on both sides of Ian's body to catch the blood as it poured from the open wound as Doc cut into Ian's abdomen. My heart started pounding.

Doc's forehead creased. "That's what I was afraid of. We have to go deeper." He sprayed clean into the wound before he cut again. Kyle's grip on my hand tightened.

"Oh dear!" Candy exclaimed. "Spray the clean in there."

"What's wrong?" I chirped from my corner of the room.

"Infection." Doc muttered.

"I'm going to get him to inhale it as well." Candy replied. "It will help us when we go deeper." She sprayed the clean above his face and the mist settled onto his face as he breathed it in.

"Okay, I'm ready to go deeper." He cut a third time into his abdomen. "I see it. The bullet is lodged in his pancreas. Candy, Can you pull that back for me?" There was a pause. "There, that's it, Good. You see? It's right up against that artery."

"It's a miracle he survived this." Candy remarked.

"I just need to see if I can move it away from that artery where I can get a hold of it." It was quiet for several minutes. My head started to pound from the stress. Kyle was white as a ghost.

"Ah, I got it!" He pulled the bullet out of Ian and held it up for Kyle and me to see and then dropped it into a metal pan.

Candy breathed out a sigh of relief. "Okay let's heal him up. That pancreas looks like hamburger." She sprayed "Heal" into the wound. "Now let me seal it." She smiled. "That's good. See? It's healing nicely."

Doc spoke. "Okay, let's get that second incision." After another ten minutes of healing and sealing, they stopped and looked up. Doc looked at me. "Will he want the scar or should I smooth it?"

"Smooth it please." I croaked. I did not want to be reminded of his near death experience.

"Okay, all done. Would you like to come and see?"

I crossed the room towards Ian's sleeping body with Kyle in tow. The only scar was a round circle with a slight indentation where the bullet had pierced his body. I ran my finger lightly across the scar. "How long will he be asleep?"

"Maybe another hour." Doc replied.

I turned to Kyle. He was still looking a little queasy. "Why don't you go in the house with Sunny? Play a game of pool. I'll stay here with Ian."

"You sure?"

"Yes. I'll be fine. I'll be with _him_." Kyle hugged me and left the room.

Doc and Candy put everything they used on the table and scooped it all up in sheet that had covered the table and left. Candy carried the bloody bowl of water.

Once I was alone, I kissed Ian's forehead and stroked his hair. I pulled the sheet up so it covered him to mid chest. I pulled a chair from the folding table that doubled as a poker table, put it next to the cot, and sat in it. I took Ian's hand and pulled it to my cheek as I lay my head on his chest. I closed my eyes for what seemed like only a minute.

When I woke up, Ian was stroking my hair. I lifted my head to see his face and he smiled at me. "I know this is Nate's line but hey Beautiful."

"Hey Superman." I whispered. I leaned in to kiss him. He pulled me onto the cot and I slid my way so I was lying on top of him. "Are we feeling better?" I could tell he _was_ by what I could feel beneath me.

"You kidding? I'm _back_." He grabbed my butt as he began to kiss me.

I had to stop him. "Whoa! Tiger! Save it for tonight. Kyle is in the house waiting for you and Doc wants to see you too." I slid off him.

"Babydoll they can wait a half hour. I've waited a month!" he pleaded.

"Ian, anyone could walk in on us. We'll go to bed early okay?"

"I'm already naked!" he whined.

I couldn't help but laugh at his desperation. I picked up his boxers and dropped them on his chest. Then I walked over to the door, folded my arms, and waited.

"Not fair!" he groaned as he got dressed.

When we walked out of the root cellar Ian picked me up and threw me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and carried me into the house. As we came through the door, Kyle started to clap. "Now, that's the little brother I remember."

Ian slid me off of his shoulder to the floor. He and Kyle embraced as only brothers could. "You scared me man."

"Believe me, I scared myself. I thought I was a goner." They gripped hands in some weird brotherly handshake they had obviously invented.

"You up for a game of pool?" Kyle asked.

"Sure. At least I have a chance at beating you."

"What? Are you saying I'm not as good as Nate?"

"Oh, you heard about that."

Kyle mussed my hair. "Yeah, some people just love the fact that you are not perfect at everything."

Doc came from in the kitchen and interrupted them. "Ian. You're up?"

"Yep and feeling fine."

"Can you come into the kitchen so we can talk?"

"I'll save the next game for you." Kyle called out.

I took this moment to head to the bedroom to see what kind of shape Ian had left it in. Of course, it was a mess. Dirty clothes were thrown in a pile in the corner. It was obvious he hadn't done laundry in a while. I pulled the sheets off the bed and put fresh sheets on. I went out to the van and got my things and returned to the bedroom. When I finished Ian was back in the living room with Kyle. By the time I walked into the kitchen, it was empty. I started to wash the dishes in the sink and everything hit me all over again. Memories of the phone call from Nate, then speaking to Ian, the silence on the other end, finding out he was alive, getting here, and then seeing him such bad shape. What if we hadn't gotten here for another day or two? Would the infection have killed him? I was overwhelmed. I just broke down and cried at the kitchen table.

Practice was over and Nate and some of the others returned to the house to see how Ian was doing.

Nate bounced into the kitchen and stopped short when he saw me crying. "Wanda, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." I croaked through my tears.

He bolted out of the kitchen and Ian came in a minute later. "What's wrong Babydoll?"

"Nothing."

He sat down in the chair next to me and pulled my hair away from my face. "Something's wrong."

"I'm fine really." But I wasn't. I wanted him to be close to me but I didn't want to sound selfish.

Ian pulled me onto his lap and I buried my face in his chest. "I thought I lost you."

He held me tightly. "But you didn't. I'm still here."

"I know you didn't want me to but I told Kyle that if you died I wanted to be buried with you."

"Wanderer, I don't want to think about that." He held me for a long time before Nate finally popped his head in the door.

"Is it all right to come in?"

Ian answered him. "Sure, she's all right. Just a little overwhelmed by everything that's happened."

Nate creased his eyebrows. "I have an idea." He went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of champagne left over from the engagement party. "How about if we have a little drink to celebrate life?" Then he smiled at me. "I hear you _like_ a little wine now and again."

Nate made me smile. He had a knack for bringing cheer into my life. I answered him sarcastically. "Shut up, Nate!"

"You know you're still beautiful even when your face is all puffy and swollen like that."

Ian rubbed his eyebrow with his thumb. He was trying to hide his laugh.

I glared at Ian. "Now, you're ganging up on me."

Ian tried not to smile but he was indeed smiling. "What? I didn't say anything!"

"What am I going to do with you two?"

Ian answered first. "Well, you're going to marry me!"

Nate chimed in. "I'm the stand by guy. I'll stand by you as long as Ian lets me."

I got off Ian's lap, walked over to Nate, and hugged him. "I love you both." I heard the cork pop on the bottle behind me.

"Get some glasses!" Ian called out.

Nate came back to the table with two small fluted wine glasses and one big wine goblet. "This one's for you!"

"Nuh-uh!"

The boys cracked up. "Drink up Babe." Ian said jokingly. I had completely forgotten about the sadness that had consumed me earlier.

We retired to the living room and joined Doc and Candy, Rachel, Rob, Megan, and Jamie who were watching TV. Kyle and Sunny were monopolizing the pool table. Everyone was having a good time when Burns came in with Victoria. The room went completely quiet. Ian stepped out from behind me and walked right up to Victoria.

He was right in her face and he put his hand around her neck before he spoke. "I can forgive you for shooting me, but, if you ever call my fiancée a parasite again or if you hurt her in any way; I will snap your neck. Is that clear?" He tightened his grip. Victoria tried to pull his hand off of her neck.

I rushed towards them. "Ian, stop!"

Ian held his free hand out to stop me but he never took his eyes off of Victoria. "I said, is that clear?"

"Yes." Victoria squeaked out.

Ian released her. "Good." He took a breath. His face changed from one of rage to a smile. "Welcome to the mountain. I think you'll like it here."

I was surprised that Burns had stood by and allowed Ian to choke her like that. I suppose Burns knew that Ian needed to get this off his chest and that trying to stop Ian would have only escalated into a fight. Even though I was upset by the violence, I was relieved to know that he _did_ care that she had called me a parasite. Ian turned to me and put his arm around me and led me back to the crowd. Victoria disappeared inside the bathroom.

I leaned in to Nate. "Where is her brother?"

"He's at the cave with Kim. She's cutting his hair and giving him a treatment. They both have lice. They have been living in the woods for the last three years since they almost got caught. Victoria, she's a survivor, just like you. Burns is taking her to Kim next."

Victoria came out of the bathroom and she and Burns left the building.

The evening ended early for Ian and I just as I had promised.

He pounced on me as soon as the door to the bedroom was shut. "No games tonight." He pushed me down on the bed. Ian was holding his weight above me. "You know that I love you but I want you to know that when I was lying there dying I realized how much I appreciate you. I want to tell you that I appreciate that you always try so hard to make sure my needs are met. I appreciate that you take care of me. Most of all I appreciate the fact that you chose me over Nate. He's a pretty great guy."

"Nate _is_ a pretty great guy but you, Superman, were always my first choice." He pressed his lips to mine. It was the slow burn kiss I had waited so long for. It was like the first time he kissed me in the caverns. It was like the first time I had felt something for Ian. That rush of adrenaline. I remember Mel was in my head and she was angry that I used her body to kiss him. Ian's full body weight slowly pushed down on me until he rolled off of me. His hands were now free and he began to caress first my face and then as his lips traveled to my neck his hands traveled elsewhere. He made love to me and paid special attention to my needs before his own. It was perfect. _He_ was perfect.


	24. Chapter 24

**I'm so glad that you all are relieved that Ian survived. I changed the picture on my profile to my muse for Ian. On a personal note, I just have to brag because I am a proud mom. My son was just accepted into the MATH/SCIENCE Academy at Ocean Lakes High School. 600 kids applied and only 125 spots were available. He had some tough competition but he made it. I'm glowing with pride.**

NEW FRIENDS

"BABYDOLL, I HAVE TO GO." I could hear Ian's voice and then he kissed me quickly.

"What? Where are you going?" I wasn't sure if I was dreaming.

"I have to go to work."

"What time is it?'

"It's seven thirty. I'm late I should have been there at seven."

I was hoping we could sleep in and I could spend more time with him. "You have to work today? Can't you take a day off?"

"Wanderer. We've already lost three days between the stake out and my…. illness. Nate, Kyle, and Burns are waiting for me. You should come down and see the building once you get up."

"I will."

"Oh yeah. Burns had to come in to wake me up. He kinda saw you naked."

"What?" I was horrified.

"It's okay; I've seen his girlfriend naked too. You go back to sleep. I'll see you later." He kissed me on the lips and left. So, how was I supposed to go to sleep now? My brother saw me naked and my fiancé just reminded me of his ex-girlfriend. Even if I _could_ go back to sleep, I'd probably have some pretty sick dreams. I decided I might as well get up. It was early and the house was empty. I jumped in the shower and took my time. I put on my baby doll dress with the black, grey, and white tiers because I knew it was one of Ian's favorites. When I was done I went into the kitchen and made a pot of coffee. I decided to make myself some French toast for breakfast. While I was in the kitchen I heard someone come in the house. The TV immediately clicked on so I figured it was the kids although I would have thought they would be in school. I decided to go investigate. It was Megan and Jamie and a young boy roughly between the ages of ten and thirteen. He was very thin but he had a strength about him. His hair was freshly cut short which made him look closer to ten than to thirteen. His hair was sandy brown and his face had a long look about it.

"Good morning Jamie and Megan. Who is you little friend?"

Jamie responded as usual. "Good morning Wanda. This is Daniel, he's Victoria's brother."

"It's nice to meet you."

"My sister told me to be nice to you even if I was afraid," he responded.

"Why would you be afraid of me?"

"Because you are a pa…." He caught himself before he uttered the word parasite. Obviously, Victoria had warned him about using that word to describe me.

"Soul." I clarified to him. "I am a soul."

"Soul," he repeated after me. "I'm afraid that I'll become like you."

"That isn't going to happen. If anything we take the souls out of humans and restore them to their former selves."

"Then why are _you_ here?"

Jamie spoke up. "I can tell you why."

At that moment Victoria came out of the bathroom. Her hair had been cut short into a bob and she was actually pretty. A little makeup and she would be beautiful. Hoop earrings would look fabulous because she had such a nice long neck. She walked towards the couch to her brother but she gave me a wide berth.

She sat next to her brother. "Daniel, are you starting trouble?"

"No, Sissy. Wanda said that they take _souls_ out of humans to make them normal again and I asked her why she was here then."

She defended him. "I'm sorry about Danny. He's young and he doesn't know any better."

"It's okay. It's a legitimate question."

Jamie again interjected. "Can I tell them the story?"

"Sure, Jamie. You tell them."

"I have a sister too. Her name is Melanie. We were like you. We were always on the run. Then she met Jared. He was all alone and we stayed together, the three of us. We were together for a couple of years and Mel and Jared fell in love. They are like my parents. One day she saw our cousin on TV; on the news when they were on a raid. Melanie decided she would go to the city and try to find her. She left me with Jared and we were told if she didn't return in seven days to abandon our hideout and to search for another hideout that our uncle supposedly had in the desert. Only we didn't know exactly where it was or even if it existed. Melanie didn't come back so Jared and I searched for my uncle's hideout. We couldn't find it but Uncle Jeb saw us in the desert and came to get us. We were really sad that Melanie was gone. Jared was angry all the time. I hated being around him."

I remembered the pain on Jared's face. I reached out and put my hand on Jamie's knee. He rubbed the back of my hand.

"One day, after almost a year, Jeb came back to caverns with Melanie. At least it was Melanie's body. He found her in the desert. She was almost dead from thirst and heat exposure. She had a parasite, a soul in her. Jared wanted to kill her then and there but Jeb….Well, Jeb wanted to keep her around for a while. He wanted to see what he could find out. A lot of the others in the caverns wanted her dead too. They thought she was a Seeker trying to expose us all. Kyle and Ian both tried to kill her."

Victoria spoke up. "Ian, like your fiancé Ian?"

I answered her. "Yes, in the beginning they both came and confronted Jared who was guarding me in the 'hole on the wall' that I was calling home for the first week I was there. Kyle was pulverizing Jared and I crawled out to defend him. Kyle told Ian to finish me. Ian grabbed me around the neck the same way he had grabbed you last night. He practically picked me up off the floor. If it hadn't been for Jeb and his gun..." I shuddered to think of the outcome. "Sorry Jamie. Please continue."

Victoria interrupted. "Wait, are you Jamie's sister? Are you Melanie?"

"No."

"But then how..."

Jamie interrupted Victoria. "Hear me out. Wanda was inside of Melanie but Melanie wouldn't back off. They could communicate to each other even though Wanda was controlling Mel's body. Mel wanted her to tell them everything but Wanda was smart. She knew to keep her mouth shut because no way Jared would have believed her. I was the first one to believe they were together in there."

"Yes, you were. I love you for that." I continued because I felt that Ian needed to be defended now. "When it had sunk into Ian's head the fact that I had deliberately put my own self in harm's way to protect Jared, he had a change of heart. He felt guilty for trying to kill me. He decided to find out more about me. He started hanging around with me after Jared was sent out on a raid. He eventually became attracted to me and he was the second human to believe that there were two of us sharing Melanie's body. Melanie did not like the fact that Ian was attracted to me and that I was attracted to Ian. He could tell when she and I were arguing. As much as she hated seeing Ian and I sharing any kind of moment she really hated it when Jared tried to kiss me. It was a test on his part. He still didn't believe that Jamie was right. He still thought I was a Seeker. As a soul, I am not prone to violence, but when Jared kissed me she took over my body for just a few seconds and she punched him. That was when he knew she was in there with me. Anyway, to make a long story short, Ian fell in love with me."

"Aw, Wanda! You said you would let me tell it!"

"I'm sorry, you're right. Go ahead."

"So, I got this infection and I was really sick. Jared snuck Wanda out to get medications from the souls. He didn't know if she would turn on us and expose us. She didn't. She saved my life. Then she told Doc that she could show him how to remove a soul from a human without destroying either body. She made a deal with Doc that she wanted him to take her out of Melanie's body and she wanted to die and be buried outside the caverns. She didn't want to be sent to another planet. Ian went nuts! When he found out what happened he put her dying body into a cryo tank and wouldn't let anyone near her. Me and Jared went out and found another soul and captured her. Doc took that soul out of the body and put it into a cryo tank. We waited to see if the human would return but after a few days, nothing. Doc opened her back up and Ian dropped Wanda's soul into the new host and here she is."

"Wow." Danny squealed. "That's some story."

"Well, it's the truth." Jamie said defiantly.

"Yes, it is. Hey? Aren't you two supposed to be in school?"

"It's Saturday."

"Oh. Well, you don't have anything to do? You did say you would be helpful if I let you come."

"I know. Nate asked me if I would mow the field. We came in here cause he said you'd make us breakfast."

"Oh he did, did he?" I shook my head. "Well lucky for you I was just about to make some French toast. Would you all like some?"

I got positive responses from each of them. Victoria offered to help me and I accepted. I thought it might be a way for us to get to know each other better.

"Your brother seems very sweet."

"He is. Wanda, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure. I'm an open book."

"You said before that you are not prone to violence but yesterday you came after me and you wanted to hurt me."

"I can't explain that. Ever since I was put into this body I noticed that anger and jealousy sometimes take me to a place I don't like to be in. I guess I'm a soul who needs anger management. Maybe the souls out there have no conflict and therefore have no reason for violence. I live with humans. I see strong emotions every day. I guess it's bound to wear on a person, even a soul."

"I guess that makes sense. That's like the old question. How much does environment and society play on the shaping of a life?"

"I guess. I meant to tell you. I love your haircut. You have the perfect face and cut for hanging earrings. Next time I go to town I think I'll get you a couple of pairs."

"Thank you, that's very nice of you."

"Well, since you humans can't go to town, I try to accommodate any special requests whenever I can."

"Well, there _is_ something I would love to have if you ever feel like accommodating me."

"What is it you desire?" I was curious. If I could get something to make her like me as a friend it would make me very happy.

Victoria was very specific. "A box of oil pastels and a sketch pad. I'd rather have conte crayons if they have them. They look like sticks of square chalk and they are reddish brown in color. When you get the sketch pad remember acid free paper is always better because the picture won't fade."

"You like to draw?"

She smiled. "Yes, I like to draw."

"I'll get it next time I go to town."

After breakfast I did the laundry. Victoria and Danny had been sleeping in the root cellar but since they were both up, the root cellar was free. Danny went off with Jamie and Megan which was good in my eyes because he could act as sort of a buffer to keep those two from spending the entire day making out. Victoria decided that I was her project for the day. She followed me into the root cellar. The walls were still the same as when I left. I had forgotten to mention to Ian that he should replace those walls. Ice was right though, the walls did look creepy.

"Can I ask you a question?" Victoria spoke softly.

"Open book, remember?"

"Right. So, I know how you ended up here. What about Burns?"

I chuckled. "I thought you were going to ask me about the walls."

"Well, I know that Ian apparently did this because of an issue he had with you. Nate told me the first night I was here simply because he didn't want me to think I was in some sort of torture chamber. He said the blood was self inflicted out of anger. I really wasn't in a position to question anything further. I personally think there is something rather artistic about these walls and apparently they tell a story."

"Yes, these walls definitely have a story to tell."

"It's obviously personal to you and I don't want to pry. Tell me about Burns."

I was relieved that she was so understanding because I didn't want to relive that day. "Burns actually owns all of this land and the house. His family lived here for generations. After he was implanted with a soul he came back here to see his family. He assumed they would probably have been changed as well. What he found was not what he expected. His mother and sister had been implanted and his father who was still human had killed them both and then took his own life. Burns was deeply hurt at his loss, probably more like traumatized He couldn't stand knowing that his race had created such destruction among the humans. Every other planet we have encountered has been taken successfully without violence. Humans fight. It was the reason they were chosen in the first place. They were killing each other off at an alarming rate. What we didn't see was the passion humans have for their own self preservation. Burns became compassionate to the humans. He didn't even know that the cave was occupied. He found Nate one day after he had fallen in a well. Burns saved his life and eventually Nate trusted him enough to show him his clan hidden in the caves. The rest is history. The humans won't allow any of us to sleep in the cave. We can go in during the day though."

"And Sunny?" She asked.

I took a deep breath. "Sunny was implanted into Jodie's body. When Kyle found out that I could show Doc how to remove the soul without damage to either life, he took off to find his love Jodie. He expected a fight when he found her but Sunny was filled with Jodie's memories of Kyle and she came willingly because she already loved him. This shocked Kyle. When they got back to the caverns and they removed Sunny from Jodie's body, Kyle held the cryo tank much in the same way Ian had held mine. He felt bad because Sunny was so sweet and she didn't want to go to another planet. She liked being human and she loved Kyle. After several days, Jodie never returned to her body. The body remained in a comatose state. Kyle asked Doc to put Sunny back into the body. In the beginning she was like a puppy dog following him around. It took a while for him to finally feel more than just friendship for Sunny."

"Are there others?"

"One other. Ice. We didn't intend to take Ice. He was just a nice guy working at the Home Depot who insisted on helping me to load my lumber into the back of my van. Nate and Ian were in the back. I tried to dissuade Ice from helping me but you know how some men are. Once the door opened we had to take him. We couldn't risk being caught."

"Where is Ice? I haven't seen him."

"He's been relocated to the caverns in the desert. It's much more difficult to escape simply because you would wander around in the desert if you could even find the doorway out of the caverns. They are like a maze. It's not a true cave but volcanic tubing. It's the best way I can describe it."

"It sounds very interesting."

"It is. Ian and I both came from there but since he came here, he hasn't gone back. He loves the outdoors."

"I guess you don't like it here?"

"No, I do. It's just that Ian is always so busy and the humans here are sort of…distant. The people at the caverns are my family. I love them all dearly. Kyle, Sunny, Doc, Candy, and Jamie will be leaving soon. If I stay, I'll be alone again. If I go, I will be without Ian. It's a 'catch 22' situation."

"I see your dilemma. Well, I want to thank you for answering my questions."

"My pleasure."

"And I'm sorry I called you a parasite."

"It's okay. In the beginning _everyone_ in the caverns called me that including Ian. He still struggles with the way he treated me in the beginning."

Victoria helped me to fold the laundry. "Victoria, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"How did you _not_ get implanted?"

"I was in college starting my second year. Everyone in college calls me 'Tori', my friends and even my professors. I went to Guatemala during Thanksgiving break to bring the arts to the Mayan children in the mountains and also to help their families live better lives by building stoves that wouldn't destroy their health. When I came back I noticed that everyone was calling me Victoria, even my roommate and some of them were now going by new names. Names that made no sense to me. I called my Dad and he told me to come home immediately. I flew home and my Dad and Danny and I went on the run. My mom had already been changed. She worked for the government. I guess your souls hit the government first. Three years ago my Dad got caught and I have been in the woods ever since."

"I'm sorry. Ian and Kyle's parents were also changed. They haven't seen them in six years either. I know Ian was very close to his Mom. I wish…" Suddenly I had an idea. I tucked my idea into the back of my head for later. "Anyway, we are all done here. Do you want to come with me to see how they are doing on the buildings?"

"Sure. This is all for your wedding right?"

"Well, initially, yes. But after the wedding, they will be used for other things. The wedding hall will be the new school slash game room and the other hall may end up as a sort of dorm. Ian and Burns have talked about adding walls and maybe a bathroom. They need to do a lot of research on plumbing first."

Victoria and I went back to the house to put away the laundry. Sunny exited the kitchen when we came in the back door. "Where have you been? I went looking for you at the new building. Ian's worried now. He told me if I don't find you soon to come and tell him."

"I was doing laundry and getting to know Victoria. I don't believe you were ever introduced to her. Sunny, this is Victoria."

"You can call me 'Tori'."

"Welcome, Tori." Sunny seemed a bit leery.

The three of us went off to the new building. My First impression was that it was much bigger than I had imagined it to be. We entered the building where Ian, Kyle, And Nate were working together. Burns was putting in insulation.

"There you are. Sunny told me you left town." Ian exclaimed from across the room. He was holding a large piece of sheet rock in place as Nate and Kyle hammered it in.

"I was doing laundry with Tori."

Ian looked up in surprise. "So, you're okay."

"Of course."

Ian came over to me when the piece of sheet rock was secure. He put his arms around me and kissed me. "So what do you think?"

"You're talking about the building right?" I giggled.

He smiled. "Yes, I'm talking about the building."

"It's fabulous. I can easily fit the tables I need in here as well as have enough room for a dance floor."

"Whoa. You expect me to dance?" He raised his eyebrow.

"I can dance." Nate called out.

"Yeah, I've seen you dance." Ian responded. I knew he was referring to the almost kiss in the root cellar that he had interrupted.

"Superman, I promise I'll teach you dance before the big day." I looked around the room. "I wish I had some chalk."

Burns answered me. "We have chalk line. Will that work?"

"What's chalk line?"

Burns showed what it was and how it was used. "I can measure out a six foot round table and place an 'X' on the floor to mark the space it would take up."

Ian corrected me. "Make your 'X' eight feet because you need to include the chairs."

"Right," I nodded. The boys went back to work and Sunny and Tori helped me mark out six tables. We marked off a long table for the bridal party and their dates. This table needed to hold ten. I mapped out the dance floor behind the tables. The arbor would go at the edge of the dance floor for the ceremony.

"Sunny, on Monday, will you come with me to buy tables and chairs in Irving?"

Ian's head snapped up. "What?"

"I need to go to Irving and get tables and chairs. You told Max and Miranda that they could use it as a school house as soon as you were done. They will need the tables and chairs unless you expect the children to sit on the floor."

"Why don't you take Burns?" he seemed insistent.

"Why?" I creased my eyebrows.

"I think I'm going to take a break. Anyone want to come to the house and get a drink?" It was Nate. He was obviously trying to clear the room for the fight he was sure was coming.

"First of all, how are you going to get eight tables plus chairs in the van?" Ian asked.

I scratched my head as if I was clueless. "Gee. I don't know."

Sunny intervened. "Ian how did you and Wanderer get all the building supplies here?"

"So you plan on staying overnight," Ian concluded.

"Is that alright with you?" I asked even though I had every intention on staying overnight anyway.

"And if I said it wasn't?"

"You'd better have on heck of a reason to back it up. I'm not going to be out hunting armed humans." I glanced at Victoria. "Sorry, Tori."

Ian had no defense. "Okay, you do whatever you have to do."

"Thank you." I turned to the others. "You still want to take that break?"

The rest of the day went by without incident. Nate suggested another baseball game since Kyle and Burns were both here for Sunday afternoon. After dinner, Ian and I spent another romantic evening together. It didn't take much for him to persuade me. One slow burn kiss and I was like putty in his capable hands.

Sunday, the game was set for one o'clock. A bunch of us headed to the field an hour early to warm up. Tori and Danny came along with us. Ian told Nate he wanted to throw some pitches since it had been nearly a week since he'd thrown a ball due to all that had happened. Nate donned his gear and set up behind the plate. Ian started off with his fast ball. After a few pitches, Burns grabbed a bat and a helmet and went to the plate. Ian threw a few more pitches and then he threw his famous fade ball.

Suddenly, Tori sat up straight. "Oh my god. I know him! That's Ian O'Shea. He played for the Arizona Wildcats."

I turned to Tori. "You _know_ him?"

"Yes."

I called Ian over to the bench. "Tori knows you."

"What?"

Tori spoke. "You played for the Arizona Wildcats six years ago."

"You went to the University of Arizona?" he asked. They were near the same age.

"No. I went to school out in Virginia. I was an art major. The best art schools are in the east. I went to Virginia Commonwealth University."

"Then how do you know who I am?"

"My Dad was a scout. He was very excited about you. He used to drag me to your games all the time when I was in high school. He used to break down your pitches and explain everything about them to me."

"Huh." Ian turned to walk away.

"Ian! Aren't you excited?" I was surprised by his rudeness.

Tori put her hand on my arm. "It's okay."

"No. He was rude." I marched out to Ian to question his actions.

"You were rude." I scolded him.

He turned to me. "So she recognized me. Is it supposed to make me feel better to know that I _could _have been great? My dreams were smashed six years ago. I'm sorry if I'm not all gooey sweet about it."

"Ian, I…"

"Just let me pitch, okay?" He was upset.

I walked back to the bench and sat next to Tori. "I shouldn't have told you that I recognized him. I didn't mean to upset him or you."

"Yeah, I shouldn't have confronted him."

We watched in silence as Ian took his frustration out on poor Nate.

Eventually everyone was present at the field. Nate and Ian were the team captains of course. To decide who would choose first a coin was tossed in the air. Ian won the coin toss and his choice was obvious. He chose Kyle which meant the power was definitely in Ian's court. Nate naturally chose Burns next. In Turn, Ian chose his golden boy Blake. As soon as the power people were chosen; Nate made a play of his own. He turned to Ian. "You know I'm going to cheat. I pick Wanda."

Ian obviously was not happy. "You keep your clothes on," he snapped at me.

I rolled my eyes at him.

Nate put his arm around my waist like he had won the lottery. We had asked Victoria if she wanted to play but she said she would rather be the umpire. So, she called balls and strikes. Sunny called the bases.

We were up first. Ian played short as he always did. He put Kyle out at center field. Golden boy Blake pitched. Ian had an interesting transition when the girls were up. Normally Megan played third but when Kim came in to pitch for the girls, Ian had Megan go to Kim's left field position and Blake went over to third base. When the girls were up, all of their strength was in the infield. When I came up to bat I knew I only had two choices to make it on base. One was to either hit it straight at Holly in right field or to bunt and hope I could beat the ball to first base. I tapped the ball and ran like the wind. Kim was able to get to the ball but her throw was wide forcing Evan off the bag for the catch giving me the opportunity to touch the bag before him.

Ian gave me kudos even though I wasn't on his team. "That was the smart thing to do, Babydoll. Way to use your head."

I was wearing jeans shorts today instead of my usual pink sweats. These shorts were very short as all of mine were. One thing about baseball, there's no way to lead off a base without looking seductive when you are wearing the shorts I was wearing. I could almost feel Evan's eyes burning into my derriere. I took advantage and I worked it.

Ian obviously noticed. He yelled out. "Keep your eyes on the ball, head in the game people."

I smiled at Ian. Nate hit it to Holly in right field and we were both safe. I was on second and near where Ian was playing. We could talk now without yelling. Again I worked my body as I took my lead. I knew Kyle was behind me in the outfield. Burns was up and he was our best hitter. He hit a beauty to left field right over Kim's head. Kyle took off running for it and snatched it up before Kim got near it. He fired it to Ian on second base. Both Nate and I came home and Burns was barely safe at second. The next three players, Carlos, Rachel, and Jamie were all out.

Ian's team was up. He put Megan up first. Again Ian wouldn't allow a girl to pitch to her. She hit off Carlos right at me on third base. It came at me hard and fast. I tried to stop the ball but I couldn't get behind it. It passed the bag and went to the outfield. Sarah wasn't in the position to back me up and the ball kept going. Megan had a two base hit.

Ian was clapping his hands. "That's it Megan. You show 'em how to play."

Blake was next. He hit a beauty to center field but it was caught by Rob. Kyle was up third. He slammed it to right field. Megan came home and Kyle was on second. Evan hit a hopper to little Dean on second base. He stopped the ball but he had a hard time picking it up. Evan was safe on first and Kyle was now on third. Tom came up next and he hit it over first base. Rachel was too far out to get to it in time. Kyle came home and Evan went to third. Ian came up. Every one moved back about ten feet. It didn't matter. Ian hit that ball like a rocket. It was gone. By the time Rob got to it Ian was rounding second and he had no intentions of stopping. They tried to throw him out at home but it was no use. Ian crossed home plate on his feet.

By the time the inning was over it was four to two. Nate sat next to me in the dugout. "You know I have to make Ian jealous right?"

"Aw, Nate! Last time you did that he nearly broke your leg!"

"Eh, he likes me better now. I don't know any other way to get him to make a mistake. I need to get his head out of the game."

"I'm not sure about this."

"Look, the next time we get a hit, just get up and we will hug each other."

"Okay, I can do that."

Sarah hit a fly ball to Ian for an easy catch. Rob hit a good one to left field. Nate and I jumped up and hugged each other. "Ian!" Nate called out. The next thing I knew Nate had his hands planted firmly on my butt. I reacted quickly by slapping him in the face hard. I immediately put my hands over my face in shock that I had hit him so hard. He staggered back.

Ian called out. "Thank you, Babydoll. Now I don't have to pulverize him."

"Oh crap, I'm sorry Nate! Why did you do that?"

"I told you I was going to make him jealous!" he reciprocated.

"You said _hug!_ What you did was wrong!" I was yelling at Nate. Ian was laughing. He was obviously happy that Nate's plan had backfired and he was on the receiving end of my anger.

Ian called out to Nate. "You done pissed her off now!" Even Tori was laughing.

The game was a debacle. Ian had chosen his team well. He chose each player on hitting power and in the end his strategy paid off. They beat us seventeen to five.

After the game, Nate walked out to Ian with his tail between his legs. "No hard feelings right?"

"Hey, you're just lucky she reacted the way she did."

Danny came running up to Ian. "Ian? Can you teach me how to hit?"

"Sure kid." Ian continued to walk away with his arm around me.

Danny ran in front of him again. "No, I mean right now?"

"You want to learn right now?"

"Yes, please."

"Have you ever played baseball before?"

I turned to Ian. "His dad was a scout, remember?"

"I played tee ball for three years when I was four, five, and six years old. Then I played fall ball and one year of spring coach pitch. Then we had to run." Danny replied.

"Okay, kid."

He corrected Ian. "Danny. My name's Danny."

Ian looked at me then looked back at Danny.

"Okay. Grab the bucket of balls out of the dugout."

Danny ran like a gazelle to the dugout. He carried the bucket to the pitcher's mound.

"Bring them to home plate. We're going to start there."

Ian brought out the tee and set it on home plate. He chose a bat that was light.

"Okay, let's get a look at your swing. Keep your eye on the ball. Don't look at where you want it to go. Look at where you want the bat to connect with the ball. The first few swings, Danny either missed or hit it poorly. He immediately became frustrated. Ian showed him a trick of setting up his hands to break in a certain spot. He told Danny he was trying to hit it out of the park. "It's like walking. First you crawl, then you walk, and before you know it, you're running. Don't lose your head."

It worked. Danny began hitting every ball placed on the tee. Some of them he hit as far as second base.

"You take that bat with you. Practice your swing. Keep your elbows down and swing it level." Ian took the bat and showed Danny what he needed him to do. "You want to play a little catch?"

"Yes, definitely." Ian and Danny played catch for another half hour as Tori and I watched.

"He idolized my dad. He wanted to grow up to be a pro player too. He's going to drive Ian insane." Victoria commented to me.

"You know what? I think Ian will come to love him like a son. Ian lives to teach these kids. It's the reason I can't get him to go back to the caverns. He says he loves me but truthfully I think I come in a close second to baseball." I replied.

"You know you wouldn't be the first wife of a sports player to say that."

When they finally decided that hunger was outweighing the practice they put away the equipment and the four of us headed back to the house.

Ian addressed Victoria. "He's got good instincts and he's definitely dedicated. We'll see how it goes."

"Can we throw some more after dinner?" he implored.

"Not tonight. Blake and Megan both love the game too. You might ask one of them."

"Aw, why?" he begged.

Ian smiled. "Well, because my lady love is leaving me tonight to go out of town and I want to spend a little time with her."

He looked at me. "Oh." He paused. "Tomorrow then?"

"Tomorrow after work. Usually we have practice most evenings after dinner."

"Cool." He seemed pacified.

After dinner, Ian and I retired to our room. We were lying on the bed. He was playing with my hair. "Thank you for slapping Nate."

"You're welcome. I don't want you to retaliate. It's over, okay?"

"Okay. Maybe I'll just bump him a few times when he's trying to make a shot at pool."

"Bump, not slam." I demanded.

"Okay!" He was defensive.

I curled into his arms. "So, are you going to miss me?"

"You know I will but I'm pretty sure Danny is going to keep me very busy."

"He's a cute kid. You know that's what it's going to be like when we have our own children. You are going to be very busy changing diapers and wiping up spit up for the first couple of years and then they are going to want your undivided attention as both dad and coach probably until the day they fall in love. You won't have time for me."

"I have to change diapers?" He looked alarmed.

"That's all you got out of what I just said?" I couldn't believe changing diapers was his main concern.

He laughed. "Babydoll, I'll always have time for you. The children will just have to learn that there will be their time and there will be our time. I'll never stop wanting you."

"Good." I leaned in and kissed him. He pulled me tight to his body and he showered me with kisses before he made love to me.

Sunny and I were no sooner on the road when my phone rang. It was Nate.

"Hello, Nate."

"Hi. I wanted to call to apologize to you for today." I was suspicious. Nate could have apologized any time after the game.

"Is Ian making you call?"

"No. I just…I just couldn't face you. Today I let my…I let my lust for you and the situation get out of control."

I didn't know what to say. I knew he loved me, but I never thought about lust. I mean, any sexual thoughts for me were always about Ian.

"I hope you will forgive me."

"I forgive you Nate." I was still shocked that Nate thought of me in that way. I guess I had been naïve.

"Well, you and Sunny have a safe trip and I'll see you when you come back with the tables. I'll be there to help unload."

"Thanks, Nate. I'll see you soon." I hung up. I couldn't say I love you.

Sunny and I stayed in the same hotel as I had with Ian. In the morning we rented a U-Haul truck and went to a party supply warehouse that I had looked up in the phone book at the hotel. I knew Irving would have exactly what I was looking for. They had everything, tables, chairs, red carpet runways, pew benches, podiums, pulpits, arbors, gazebos, and a ton of other items. We picked out six round tables, two rectangular tables, and fifty five chairs. The truck was pretty full. We couldn't drive as quickly back to the mountain due to the weight of the truck. We got back just before three o'clock. It took an hour to unload everything from the truck and store it in the first building. It was just starting to rain as we finished.

"By the time we get back to Irving, it will be too late to return the truck tonight. We are going to have to stay there another night," Sunny announced.

"Why don't you just stay here tonight and take the truck back in the morning," Kyle suggested.

Ian was in agreement. "I like that idea."

Sunny objected and her plan unfolded. "I was hoping to go out with Wanda. I think after all she's been through this last week that she deserves a night out. Both of you have been to clubs in your day. She's never been given the chance."

"First of all, she's too young to go to a club," Kyle remarked.

"They don't card souls because souls are honest. They wouldn't expect her to be there unless she was twenty one. I should know, I worked in a bar," she snapped.

"So, what kind of honest souls are you?" Ian asked.

"The kind of honest souls who have been forced to lie every time they leave the humans they love behind. Come on, Ian. I won't let anything happen to her," Sunny pleaded.

"I don't like this," Ian barked.

I walked up to Ian and stretched up on my tip toes and put my arms around his neck. "Ian, I think Sunny needs this more than I do. Let me do this thing for her. _Please?"_

Ian looked very serious. He exhaled sharply. "I'll let you go under one condition."

"What?" Both Sunny and I answered at the same time.

"You take Burns with you."

"That is so unfair!" Nate spoke up for the first time. "He gets to see her naked and now he gets to go out with her! Someone PLEASE shove a soul into me."

"Nate don't you ever say that again!" I scolded him. "It's not easy sharing a body. You lose a part of yourself. I need to speak with you alone." I grabbed Nate's hand and led him to the root cellar. Ian stood there in what could only be described as shock.

Once inside the root cellar I tried to let go of Nate's hand but he wouldn't let me. "Nate, I wanted to talk about your actions and the phone call today." He was looking directly into my eyes. It was distracting. "Stop staring at me!"

"I can't help it." His eyes were smiling.

"Nate, I thought we were past all of this."

Now he looked troubled. "I know. I thought so too. I know you want to be with Ian but I can't let go. It's very difficult just being your friend. I mean, half the time you are running around in those skimpy little dresses and looking so damned hot. What am I supposed to do? Poke my eyes out?"

"I'll stop wearing the skimpy dresses."

"No!" He took a deep breath. "I guess…when Ian hated me at least I knew if I crossed the line I'd get beat up if not killed but now he is my friend and the line gets blurred."

"Nate, if anything happened between us, Ian _will_ kill you. Don't think for a minute that his friendship will change that."

Nate put his arms around me and put his forehead against mine. "I don't believe you."

At that moment Ian burst through the door. He stopped several feet from us. "Take your hands off of her," he hissed.

Nate raised his hands in surrender. "Just put me out of my misery." He waited for the onslaught.

Ian lunged but then stopped in his tracks. He looked at me. "I can't share you Wanderer."

"I don't want you to." I assured him.

"I know his pain," he whispered.

"Then understand that he might slip. But understand too, that I will not."

"What if…" Ian started to speak.

"There are no what ifs. Now that I know the truth about Nate, I will be careful. Nate, there are other girls here on this mountain who would love your company. I _wish_ you would at least give them a chance."

Nate's head was down. "Maybe."

"I'm going to Irving. Try not to kill each other." I left the root cellar. Ian was behind me all the way back to the U-Haul truck.

"At least give me a decent kiss good-bye."

I stopped and turned to Ian. "Pick me up." Ian picked me up and I put both hands on his face and I kissed him. I kissed him until my head was spinning. "That should hold you till I get back, now put me down." Ian put me down and helped me into the truck.

"I love you, Superman."

"I love you more, Wanderer."

Burns hopped into the driver seat and we pulled away.

"I didn't pack any club clothes," I groaned.

"That's okay. We'll get to Irving by seven and we can stop at the mall and get new stuff for all of us," Sunny suggested.

"Perfect."

While we shopped, we asked some of the clerks who were young where the hot spots were. Several people suggested a club called 'Progressions'. It supposedly played dance music. We were told they start in the seventies with disco the first hour and progress through the eighties with new wave the next hour, the nineties, and then the present for the last hour and half.

I couldn't decide on one outfit so I ended up purchasing three. Sunny commented that I was a 'shopaholic'. For the evening I wore a little pink three tier skirt with a white lace top. I bought new shoes as well. They were a cross between a boot and a sandal and they were all the rage. The shoe itself was white but the heel was wood. They had three inch heels which made me taller and that was important since I was trying to appear to be twenty one.

We chose to take a taxi because the U-Haul would have looked rather conspicuous in the parking lot of the club. Plus, since the souls had taken over, it was customary for taxis to line up at the end of the night to bring inebriated people home. The police would check each driver prior to leaving the parking lot to make sure they were capable of driving. The motive was to save lives and souls enjoyed a good party.

The club was crowded. The music was booming. Burns looked handsome in the clothes we picked out for him. He wasn't a dancer though so he chose to sit at the bar. He said he'd keep an eye on us. Sunny and I danced the night away. Our drinks were over by Burns so we would go over and visit when we needed to cool down. Several times, there were young ladies having conversations with him. I knew Burns was not the type to approach a girl so they must have come to him. In the beginning of the night the conversations were short but as the night wore on and Burns had more to drink he seemed more interested in the girls who came on to him. Sunny and I were not without our admirers either. We danced with numerous guys; many of whom asked what we were doing afterwards. Luckily, I had my ring to show them. I tried to keep a handle on my own drinking but my thirst was my enemy. One guy was very aggressive and seeing my ring did not deter him. He continued to try and break down my defenses. He said I was the most beautiful woman he had ever met. Sunny had to convince Burns to cut in during a slow dance. Burns ended up pulling the guy aside and he _explained_ my situation. I was happy that Ian had made us take Burns with us. At the end of the night we went back to our room. I convinced Burns to take the bed with Sunny since the couch wasn't long enough for him. I slept on the couch. We didn't get back until nearly two in the morning. I checked my phone out of habit and saw that I had missed calls at every half hour since midnight. I decided to wait till morning and I settled in on the couch. I no sooner got comfortable and the phone rang.

"Don't answer it. You're better off telling him you left the phone in the truck and that is why you never answered." Sunny muttered.

"I can't lie to him. Besides, I didn't do anything wrong." I answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Where the hell have you been?" Ian blasted me.

"At the club," I said calmly.

"It's two o'clock in the morning."

"I know what time it is." I said flatly.

"Where are Sunny and Burns?"

"They're trying to sleep."

"Are you drunk?" he asked.

"Do I sound drunk? I said defensively.

"Did you drink?" he pressed.

"Ian, I am not having this conversation right now. Go to bed. I'll see you tomorrow." I hung up the phone.

Sunny spoke up. "You better shut off the phone or he's going to call back."

I tossed the phone on the table and it began to ring again. "I told you. Jodie used to go through this with Kyle. Jealousy, it runs in the family."

I answered the phone. "Ian, why are you doing this to me?"

"Because I can't be there with you and I don't know what's going on."

I let out a deep sigh. "Look, I'm really tired. We can talk tomorrow. I'm going to turn the phone off now."

"Wanderer, don't you dare," he barked.

"I love you, Superman. I'll dream of you." I hung up the phone and turned it off.

Sunny spoke again. "Don't worry. It's human nature. If the shoe was on the other foot, you would probably be doing the same thing."

"How come Kyle didn't call you?"

"Because he knows better and besides he's pissed that I went out. I'll call him in the morning."

We slept late. It was nearly noon when we all woke up. I decided not to turn on my phone because I didn't want to argue with Ian. Before we left Irving we had to do some food shopping and I wanted to get the items that Tori had requested as well as the earrings I thought she might like. She and Danny needed clothes too. We ended up back at the mall to purchase a few sets of clothes for each of them.

By the time we got back to the mountain it was nearly dinner time. We carried in the groceries and I helped to put them away since the ladies in the kitchen were busy cooking. Ian came in from work while I was in the kitchen.

He entered the kitchen and pulled me aside. "Can I speak to you alone?" He wasn't smiling.

"Yes, as soon as I finish putting away the groceries."

"He took the cans from my hands and put them on the counter."

He spoke very low so as not to alarm the other ladies. "How about now." It was an order. I hated being ordered around.

I picked up the cans from the counter and I stared back at him. "When I'm done."

He didn't say another word. He walked out of the kitchen. I took my time putting away the rest of the food. I was angry and I needed to calm myself. When I finally finished I left the kitchen. He was sitting on the couch staring blankly at the television. I walked past the couch and into the bedroom. I closed the door behind me and sat on the bed. It took Ian less than a minute to come in.

"Give me your phone." His voice was low.

"Why?"

"Give me your phone." He raised his voice louder.

"No."

Now he was yelling. "Why do you have a phone if you don't intend to answer it?"

I didn't speak. I wasn't going to give him the fight he wanted.

"Talk to me!"

I took a deep breath. "Are you done yelling?"

He brought his voice down an octave lower. "I don't know."

"I will be happy to speak if you promise to shut up and listen."

Now he looked crazed. "Did you just tell me to shut up?"

"I did." I was hoping I didn't push him over the edge. He looked as though he might haul off and hit me. I showed no fear even though inside I was shaking.

He held it together. "Are you insane?"

"Gee. I don't know. Considering I thought I lost my true love just three days ago and now he's threatening me over an innocent night out. Yeah, I just might be insane."

He combed his fingers through his hair. "Talk," he whispered.

"I went out with my friends. I had a great time. I danced my ass off. I drank but I can say I wasn't drunk. I got hit on. I told them I was engaged. We closed the club. I was tired when I got back to the hotel. The last thing I wanted was for you to call me and make me feel bad. I didn't deserve it then and I don't deserve it now. I turned off my phone because I didn't want to hear it, period. Now if you have a problem with that then you are just going to have to get over it or you can sleep on the couch. The ball is in your court."

He exhaled deeply. He spoke quietly. "Give me your phone." He held out his hand. "Please."

I pulled my phone from my pocket and handed it to him. He flipped it open and turned the phone on. He flipped it closed. He handed it back to me. As I reached for it he grabbed my arm and pulled me into his lap. "I'm sorry."

I was thrilled at having the control so I pushed my luck. "Beg."

He took a deep breath. He inched me off of his lap and onto the edge of the bed. He stood up and got down on his knees. "Wanderer, I'm begging you to forgive me. I was jealous that I couldn't be there with you. I should have trusted that you would be on your best behavior. I love you and I need you."

He was so gorgeous, I couldn't stand it. I fell to the floor on my knees. "I forgive you. Now kiss me already." We started kissing on the floor on our knees. It was the pounding on the door that scared the death out of me that made us stop.

"Dinner!" It was Sarah. All these months and she still annoyed me.

We headed to the caves for dinner. Burns and Kyle and Sunny beat us there. I was filling my plate with meatloaf when Nate approached me. He was sporting a black eye. I was horrified. "Ian!"

"I didn't do it!" he protested.

Nate put his hand on my face and kissed my forehead. "Welcome home. Ian didn't hit me. I caught myself in the eye when a screwdriver fell off the ladder."

"Ow! You could have lost your eye."

"I didn't but I did learn one thing. Don't look up when you are under the ladder."

"Point taken."

Ian whispered in my ear. "Who deserves the apology now?"

We walked over to where we were planning to sit. I put my plate down and got on my knees. "Forgive me for assuming that your constant state of anger got the best of you."

He reached down and grabbed my chin and lifted it so he could see me eyes. "_You_ get the best of me, always. Now, come over here and eat your dinner."

I sat next to Ian as we ate. Ian spoke between bites. "I know I've said this before but you are going to make a great mother."

"What brought that on?"

"If you can diffuse our children the way you did to me, you will be the queen of the household. You were definitely in control. I couldn't even find a reason to argue with you."

"Were you looking for a reason?"

"I guess I was. I wanted to be right."

"You're right when you're on the field. Isn't that enough?"

"I guess it's going to have to be if I want to stay in your kingdom, milady."

My victory was sweet and I didn't hide my smile.


	25. Chapter 25

**I want to thank my newest friends Vero and Nighttime Soul. And Annabelle, my anonymous reviewer, I love that you review but why is it always posted on Chapter 5? Ian O'Shea, I wish I could have a conversation with you. The rest of you, talk to you soon! I'm just sayin'**

THE MISSION

THAT EVENING BASEBALL PRACTICE WENT SMOOTHLY. Danny was eager to get as much personal attention from Ian as possible and Ian seemed willing to give it. He had Blake throwing easy pitches to Danny so he could get comfortable with hitting. He had speed so catching the ball came naturally for him. He could move quickly under the ball for the pop flies. Ian told me that just the night before Danny got hit in the mouth because he lost the ball in the fading sunlight. He bloodied his lip but he was fine today and showed no fear. Ian said that very often when a kid gets hurt they show fear. Danny showed no fear tonight and I could see that Ian was very pleased by this. I saw Ian's smile as he commended Danny for charging the ball as well as when he got in front of the ball each time it was hit in his direction. Once again, I faded into the background and this was the one place I didn't mind it.

I gave Victoria the gifts I had purchased for her. Her eyes lit up. She sat in the dugout and drew. I went over to check out what she was drawing. She had pages of body parts. One page was filled with eyes in all different shapes and sizes. Another was of hands. She drew open hands, closed hands, fists. I was intrigued because these are things I would never have thought to draw. She turned to me and asked an odd question. "Are they going to tear down the walls in the root cellar and replace them with new ones?"

"I don't know. You might want to ask Nate."

It had been decided that tomorrow evening, Doc, Candy, Kyle, and Sunny would be leaving for the caverns. Jamie would leave only if I left. I had a decision to make. I knew that if I stayed I would again be bored and there was still much to do for the wedding. The wedding was exactly two months away and I promised everyone at the caverns that I would purchase an outfit for each of them to wear. I only had about ten people covered. I also needed to order the tuxes. I had planned to get the plates and silverware and glasses and tablecloths this past week and that didn't happen. Then there was the idea I had stuck in the back of my head. I knew I needed to go back.

I asked Tori to take Danny with her so I could speak to Ian because I needed to tell him I was leaving. Ian suspected as much when he saw Tori tell Danny they needed to hurry because she wanted to watch a program on TV. Tori never seemed much interested in TV.

Ian and I walked alone. "You're leaving again aren't you?"

"I have to."

"Why?"

"Ian, you knew when I came back that I wouldn't be staying. I have so much to do before the wedding and so do you."

"But I thought you'd at least stay a couple of weeks."

"If I don't leave now, how would I get back?"

Ian was grasping at straws. "I don't know. Buy a new car."

He looked so sad.

"Even if I bought a new car, where would I park it at the caverns?"

He dropped to his knees for the second time today and begged. "Please don't go. Stay just a little longer. I just got you back."

"Ian. I…"

"Please." He grabbed my hand and kissed it.

My eyes filled with tears. "Okay. I'll stay if..."

"Anything," Ian said interrupting my sentence.

"If Burns is willing to take me back in a week then I'll stay. He can take the opportunity to visit Lily."

Ian rose to his feet. "I love you."

"I love you too." He kissed me but his lips were quivering. I didn't know what could have brought him to this place. I could only speculate that he must have gone through a lot of soul searching as he lay there all alone waiting to die. Maybe that is why he had been so tolerant of Nate these last few days.

I grabbed his hand. "Let's go back to the house."

Burns was in the new building. He and some of the others had set up a few of the tables and were playing poker. Ian and I pulled him from the game to ask him about my idea. He was only too willing to take the opportunity to visit Lily. So, it was decided that Ian and I would have another week together.

After the others left, Jamie slept in the house on the couch. The tables were set up in the new building and dinner was served there each night. It became a dining hall during meals. The ladies who cooked seemed very pleased to serve dinner family style at each table rather than buffet style. As in high school, each table quickly had its permanent group of people. It made me smile to know that I had something to do with this new transition.

I ended up going to Irving two times that week. I purchased the tablecloths and the china. The plates were patterned with fall leaves with gold edging. The tablecloths were warm gold and burgundy. I would use two on each table in an 'X' so the burgundy was on top with the gold underneath. I bought beautiful crystal globes that covered a candle holder. Ian requested I buy smoke detectors when he realized I intended to have fire in the building. I also purchased more clothes for Tori and Danny now that I knew their sizes including an outfit for each for the wedding.

I steered clear of Nate as much as I could. I wasn't emotionally prepared to deal with him. Every night right after practice Ian and I spent our time alone whether walking in the moonlight or sitting on the front porch together or just going to the bedroom. No matter how tired he was he made sure I had his full attention at the end of the day.

The week passed too quickly and before I knew it, Ian and I were saying good bye yet again. We had just finished making love and we were settled in each others arms.

"So, you're leaving in the morning." Ian murmured.

"Yes. You know, if one of us was in the military this would be common."

"But you're not in the military," he objected.

"I know, I'm just trying to make a point."

"I want to know how long you're going to be gone."

"I don't know. We'll play it by ear."

"I don't like the sound of that," he huffed.

"Okay. I promise I won't be gone more than a month. I will be back by October first and you'll have the second building completed."

"With luck," he added.

"You know, Victoria is an artist. Maybe you can get her to paint the banquet hall."

He creased his eyebrows. "I don't think artist and painter are quite the same thing."

"Well, it couldn't hurt to ask."

"Okay, I'll ask her. Any particular color?"

"She's the artist. Let her choose."

We snuggled into each other and I was almost asleep when Ian spoke.

"I know you think of Kyle as a brother but be careful around him."

"What brought that on?"

"Sunny came to me when they were here. She said that she and Kyle argue because he wants children and she doesn't. He told her he wished she was more like you."

"I'm sure he was referring to the fact that I conceded to your wishes to have your children."

"You don't want to have my children?" he said sharply.

"Of course I do." I said calmly.

"Well, I love my brother but I don't trust him. He's too close to you. I saw the way he looked at you on the baseball field."

"Everyone was looking at me like that. Are you jealous of Even too?"

"Evan hasn't slept with you."

"'Sleep' being the operative word here. Ian, I love Kyle. I'm glad we're close."

Ian sighed. "Too close." He mumbled.

He pulled me tight to his body and I fell asleep quickly.

Burns, Jamie, and I arrived at the caverns in good time. We took turns driving so there was no need for a stopover. Everyone was happy to see us and happy to hear that Ian was okay.

Things quickly went back to normal. Ice was settling into our lifestyle quite nicely. He and Heidi seemed to be getting closer every day.

Over the next two weeks I went to Tucson with Sunny several times. We shopped for clothes for the rest of the people in our cavern family for the wedding. We even went to a club one night when we stayed over and we ran into a lot of college guys. College guys are definitely harder to discourage than the guys in Irving. We didn't have Burns with us this time so we had to turn to the bouncers at the club for assistance especially for one drunken patron who decided to wrap himself around my leg and wouldn't let go. Since violence wasn't really an issue for souls, it was a fine line between consensual sex and rape because rather than fight; it seemed most females just gave in even if they didn't really want sex. As a result men were used to getting their way with women.

I spoke to Ian most nights. He was keeping busy. I also spoke to Nate. He was again apologetic about his actions. He told me that Holly was again spending as much time with Ian as she could however he also said that Tori had seemed to make it her job to make sure Holly didn't get too close. Apparently on one occasion, a cold front had come in suddenly. Holly looked to Ian for warmth. She wrapped herself around him as they walked from the field back to the house. Tori had been wearing a sweatshirt and she took it off and offered it to Holly and managed to get between Holly and Ian. It was obvious to all who were walking back to the house that Tori had been protecting my interest. Either that, or Tori was interested in Ian herself. I couldn't think about that right now. I had other things on my mind.

Several weeks ago I had decided that when I got back here I would go on a little field trip of my own. I wanted to see if I could track down Ian's parents. I wanted to meet them and see what kind of people they were. I knew I couldn't take Ian because he was human. I also couldn't tell them I was his fiancée or they would expect to see him. I had to come up with a plan. I thought if I pretended to be a Seeker they would allow me into their home and give me any information I needed. I knew the name of the town he grew up in and I hoped they might still live there. I was taking a chance. I was hoping no one would catch on to my façade and end up grabbing me. I would take a cyanide pill with me just in case things went wrong. I couldn't tell anyone where I was going because I knew they would try to talk me out of it.

I would leave tonight late. I feigned a headache and pretended to go to sleep early. This way I missed our usual run to the garage for our evening phone call. I told Lily to tell Ian not to worry, I would call him tomorrow.

I wrote a note that I would leave behind. It was addressed to Kyle.

Dear Kyle,

I had to leave for a few days. I don't want anyone to worry and whatever you do, please don't call Ian. I should be back within a week. If for whatever reason I am not able to come back know that I have taken a cyanide pill with me to protect my family. This is something I feel very strongly about doing and I didn't tell anyone because I knew you would try to talk me out of it. You can call me but if I feel threatened I will destroy the phone so as not to be traced. See you soon.

Love to all,

Wanderer

I waited for Lily to fall asleep and then I made my exit. I told Jared who was on duty that I was going to call Ian since I had missed the earlier run. He believed me. I ran quietly through the desert to the Jeep. I hopped in and took off to the other garage. The only other phone was Sunny's and I left the note taped to Kyle's door so even if Jared left his post to wake them he would find the note.

When I got to the second garage I took the sedan instead of the van. It was faster and better suited to the Seeker image I was going to portray. I drove for a few hours and then pulled into a motel to sleep. In the morning I was awakened by the phone. It was an incoming call from Sunny's phone.

"Hello?"

"Wanda? What the hell are you doing?" It was Kyle.

"Did you get my note?"

"Yes I got your note. What are you doing that's so secret?" he demanded. He sounded just like Ian. It was eerie.

"I can't tell you yet. Just don't call Ian. I'll call him and tell him I'm on another road trip. It won't exactly be a lie. You can call me every day but let the phone ring twice and I will call you back if I can."

"I don't like this and I sure don't like lying to my brother."

"I'm sorry, please trust me."

"Alright. I'll call you tonight. You better answer," he ordered.

"I will. My love to you and Sunny."

I stopped at a town along the way and went to a mall to pick up some clothes. I purchased a suit for my visit to the O'Shea's. I spent another night in a hotel. I spoke to Ian. He was concerned about my headache the night before. I told him I was fine and that I was on a road trip by myself to get another fitting. I also spoke to Kyle and assured him everything was okay. The next morning I got an early start. When I got near the town I took a room in a hotel. I looked up O'Shea in the phone book. There were lots of O'Shea's listed but only one in the town of Renata. Tomorrow was Sunday. I figured it would be my best chance at catching them both home.

I waited till eleven in the morning to make my move. I dressed in my suit and I pulled my curly locks into a bun. I put on just enough makeup to look professional. I drove to the address I had written down. There were two cars in the driveway. This was a good sign. They were most likely both at home. I was nervous. I nearly chickened out. I kept telling myself I was doing this for Ian. I parked in front of the house.

I walked up to the house clutching my purse close to my side. I rang the doorbell and waited. I wanted to run. The door opened and the woman who answered was clearly the woman I had seen in Ian's picture only older.

"Can I help you?" the woman asked.

"Yes. Hello. My name is Lightening Claw. I would like to speak with you about your sons." I kept it very businesslike.

"What do you know about my sons?" She seemed flustered.

"You have two sons Kyle and Ian. Is that true?"

"Yes, but…"

I interrupted her. "May I come in?" I looked around as if I were uncomfortable speaking of such matters in the open.

"Yes, of course." As I stepped in, the woman ran to the kitchen and returned with her husband. "This is my husband Tom and I am Maggie."

I reached out my hand to her husband. "I am Lightening Claw. It seems that your son Kyle was captured recently. He had been on the run for a very long time. We believe that his brother Ian is out there as well."

Maggie's eyes lit up with excitement. "They are alive!"

Tom was more cautious. "What do you mean captured?"

"He was human." I noticed that mentioning that Kyle was human did not deter Maggie's excitement in the least.

"We placed a soul in Kyle to retrieve information but Kyle is strong and he shut down his memories. He is only allowing old memories of you and college. He has memories of Ian in hiding but he is blocking them. We have him working with a comforter hoping to make a breakthrough."

Maggie turned to her husband. "They are alive and they are strong!"

Tom turned to me. "What do want from us?"

"Any information you can give us will be helpful. Do you have pictures?"

Tom spoke again. "We haven't seen them in six years since the takeover. All of our memories are here on this wall." I turned and there was an entire wall filled with pictures and trophies and medals. It was amazing. I walked slowly towards the wall and looked at each of the trophies one at a time. In the middle of it all was a picture of Ian on the pitcher's mound in full wind up.

"May I?" I pointed to the picture before removing it from the wall.

"Sure." Tom nodded.

I carefully removed the picture and held it so I was looking down and they couldn't see my eyes that were welling up with tears I fought desperately to contain. I ran my fingers across his body. He was thinner and his face was more youthful but it was my Ian.

Finally I spoke. "I was hoping in a few weeks I might bring Kyle here after he has acclimated to the soul. I thought maybe seeing you might open doors to find Ian."

They both looked worried. "Maybe Kyle doesn't know where Ian is and that's why the soul is not getting anywhere." The real Tom and Maggie _must_ be in there or they would have done anything to help find Ian. I was positive of it. I didn't want to blow my cover.

"Well at any rate, you can have nice visit with Kyle." I commented.

"I can't believe Ian is alive." Maggie reiterated.

I thought it was funny that she didn't say that about Kyle because she thought he had been captured and implanted with a soul.

"Well, I must be on my way. I have your home number. Do either of you have a cell phone?"

"Yes, we both have cells." Maggie replied.

"May I get those numbers?"

Maggie gave me both cell numbers. I didn't really care. I just needed to know if they had the phones. I handed Ian's picture back to Maggie. She clutched it to her breast. I wanted so badly to tell her how in love with Ian I was but I couldn't; at least not yet.

"Thank you. I'll be in touch."

When I walked out the door I had to keep myself from sprinting to the car. I was sure they were still watching me. I calmly got in the car and drove away. I got about two blocks when I had to pull over. My hands were shaking. I was relieved and so excited. I needed to get to Kyle. I immediately started my journey towards home. Kyle called me that evening after I stopped at a hotel for the night.

"Hello, Kyle?"

"Are you all right?"

"I'm great!" I blurted out.

"You're great. What is that supposed to mean?"

"I can't tell you over the phone. I'll tell you when I see you but only you. No one else can know."

"What about Sunny?"

"Let me tell you and you can decide whether to tell Sunny." I paused. "I'm so excited!"

"Okay. Drive safe. Don't try to get back in one day. If you get tired, make sure you pull into a motel and sleep."

"I will. Oh, Kyle?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you!"

After I hung up with Kyle, I called Ian.

He answered quickly. "Hello?"

"Hey, Superman!"

"Where are you?"

"I'm on a road trip. Why?"

"Since when do you go on a road trip by yourself for three days?"

"It's a surprise."

."When are you going back to the caverns?"

"I'm on my way back now. I should be there tomorrow or the next day. It depends on how tired I get."

"How far away are you?"

"No questions, trust me."

"I'm doing the best I can. I just wish someone was with you."

"Next time, I'll bring someone with me," I tired to reassure him.

"What do you mean 'next time'?"

"Ian, no questions, remember?"

"Wanderer, you are making me crazy. I'm trying to keep it together here. I'll be looney tunes by the time you walk down the aisle."

"That's okay. I've got the cure so by the time the honeymoon is over, you'll be fit as a fiddle."

"Is that your way of saying you still love me?"

"More than ever."

"Good."

"Why don't you get my camisole and hug it and get some sleep?"

"How'd you know about that?"

"I know you snagged it the very first time you sent me back to the caverns. I hope it soothes you."

"It does."

"Good. I love you."

"I love you more."

I did have to stop for another night and again I spoke to both Kyle and Ian to reassure each of them. I arrived at the wash before dark so I had to sit and wait for nightfall before I could drive the jeep back to the 'garage'. Kyle was waiting for me at the caverns. He was with Jeb at the lookout post so he saw me coming. He ran out to the desert to meet me.

He didn't greet me or hug me. He got straight to the point. "So, what's the deal? Where were you and what is it that only I can know?"

I was about to burst. "I saw your parents!"

Instead of the elation I had expected, Kyle was angry. "Why would you do that? You put us all in danger."

"Kyle, we have to go and get them and bring them back. I talked to them and I'm sure your parents are in there, just like Mel was with me!"

"How would you know that?"

"I told them that we caught you and that the soul we placed inside you was being blocked because you were so strong. I told them that we were trying to find Ian and we were sure that it was Ian's whereabouts that you were blocking. You should have seen the look on your mom's face and what she said!"

"What did she say?"

"She was absolutely thrilled that you were alive and strong. I don't think she cared that you were human. I think she was happy about it…and your dad…"

"My dad?"

"He was definitely playing it cautious. I told him that I wanted to bring you to see them in a few weeks once the soul acclimated itself to your body because we were hoping that seeing them might yield some information. He seemed like he didn't want to do anything that might trap Ian. It seemed like he _wanted_ Ian to stay on the run."

Kyle took my hands in his. "Do you really think there's a chance?"

"YES! We have to bring them back."  
He grabbed me and kissed me hard. I was taken by surprise. I didn't fight him but I didn't kiss him back either. He pulled back realizing what he had done. "Sorry about that."

He let go of me and began pacing back and forth. "If we do this, no one can know. It's very dangerous."

"I know."

He ran his fingers though his hair which once again reminded so much of Ian. "First, we have to come up with a reason to tell Sunny why you were gone. Whatever we tell her, it needs to be something that she would need to keep secret. If we don't tell her something, she will drive me insane."

"Okay, I've been thinking about that. Tell her I went to see Pet's mother, my mother. Tell her I just needed her to know that I was all right. Tell her, that I wanted my mother to know that I ran away because I was in love and I knew she would never understand."

"Yeah, that's good. Are you going to tell that to Ian?"

"No, I'm not going to tell Ian anything. I just told him it was a surprise."

"How are we going to do this?"

"I've thought about this too. When I was with your parents I saw that they had a phone in the house. That could be dangerous."

"We'll have to cut the main phone line."

"I agree. I asked your parents if they have cell phones. We are going to need to get those before they have a chance to dial authorities."

"I thought you said that my parents are in there?"

"I believe they are but remember they don't have control of the body. I didn't necessarily listen to Mel when I was in her body. The souls will go with their own instincts first."

"Then I say we knock them out before they even have the chance to speak. The soul could decide to shred the brain."

"I really don't think they will simply because they will see me and I am one of them."

"Wanda, are you really sure you want to do this? We could be putting everyone in both clans in danger."

"Look. We'll do what we used to do. We'll take cyanide with us just in case."

Kyle was serious. "Are you willing to die for this?"

"I don't want to die but I believe in this. I want to bring your family back together. Kyle, they had a whole wall of pictures and trophies dedicated to you and Ian. They had no intentions on ever forgetting you. It was like a shrine!"

"Okay, when do we do this?"

"I say the sooner the better. They aren't expecting anything for a few weeks."

Kyle pulled me into his arms. "Okay, Sis, if you're sure."

"I'm sure."

He hugged me tightly. I closed my eyes and got my Ian fix.

When we walked into the entrance to the caverns Jeb was waiting. He wanted to know what was going on. Kyle spoke for me. He told Jeb that I really didn't want to speak about it because even though things went well I was afraid that the humans would be angry and I might be punished for it. Jeb was insistent citing that the caverns were his place and we played by his rules. I broke down and told him the made up story to appease him with the request that he keep the secret. I told him that I waited until I was able to see my mother alone and catch her by surprise. I knew she enjoyed taking a walk after dinner and that is when I approached her. I took her phone and dropped it in the mailbox in front of the house when I left so I could make a clean getaway before she could call the authorities even though she promised not to. Jeb believed my story. Kyle and I were both relieved.

The next morning, Kyle and I met early at the cornfield under the premise of weeding the field and watering it. We had decided that we needed to strike while the iron was hot. We would leave tonight. I would make sure that I was in the bath when Jamie and Lily went on their usual run to call Megan and Burns. Kyle would then insist on coming with me. After all, the last time I went alone, I took off. Again I wrote a note to put on Sunny's door. Kyle knew that no matter what he wrote Sunny was going to be beyond pissed. I worded the note carefully.

Dear Sunny,

Hopefully by the time you read this note, Kyle and I will be long gone. I want you to understand that this is something that Kyle and I needed to do together. It has the potential to be dangerous and that is the only reason why we did not include you. Kyle and I wanted to be sure that you and Ian were safe. If all goes well we should be back within five days. If we are not back after seven days then something went wrong and we may have been forced to take our own lives to spare all of you. Please don't worry Ian unless the time has elapsed. I know you are strong and that is why this letter is for you. Kyle loves you and I do too. See you soon.

Love,

Wanderer and Kyle

I took my bath as planned right after dinner when Lily and Jamie took their run to the 'garage' to call Burns and Megan. I told them to let Ian know I would be out to call him after practice. Shortly after Lily and Jamie got back, I returned Sunny's phone and told her and Kyle that I was going to go call Ian. Kyle put up a fuss saying he didn't want me going alone because he didn't trust me not to run off again. It worked. Sunny decided she would take a bath while Kyle was gone. Brandon and Aaron had guard duty. They never questioned Kyle's motives. As soon as we got to the 'garage', we jumped into the jeep and took off. With Sunny in the tub it would be a while before the news would get to her and she would call. In the meantime I called Ian. I told him that Kyle and I were off to get food for the family. He wanted to know why Sunny hadn't accompanied me. I wasn't prepared for this question. I put the phone to my chest and asked Kyle what to tell him. Kyle took the phone from me.

"Ian, I had to get away from everyone. Sunny and I, well, things aren't going so great. You and Wanda fight but at least you are on the same page. Sunny, she doesn't want kids. It's driving a wedge between us."

It was the perfect excuse. Ian had mentioned that Sunny and Kyle had been arguing about the prospect of children. What I hadn't counted on was Ian's lack of trust in his own brother.

"Ian, don't threaten me." Kyle replied into the phone. "I haven't done anything that I should be ashamed of but if you want to push the issue I can change that."…"Fine!"

He handed the phone to me. "Tell him the truth."

I took the phone. "Ian?"

"What does he mean 'tell him the truth' Wanderer?"

I shot a dirty look at Kyle. "The truth is I needed to shop and Kyle came with me."

"Should I be worried?"

"No!" I probably sounded less than convincing simply because I _was_ worried. Not about the state of me and Ian's relationship but the fact that this whole thing could blow up in our face.

We took the van this time because with luck we would have 'cargo' on the way back. I let Kyle drive until we got near the town where I had stayed my first night out. Then we switched places and Kyle climbed in the back, Sunny called Kyle while he was driving and she was mad. All I kept hearing Kyle say was that he was sorry. He also spent some time begging her to keep quiet. He told her that she should show the letter to Jeb and Jared. He promised her that he would answer if she called tomorrow night. Kyle said that Sunny wanted to know how Ian was handling this and Kyle told her that Ian didn't know. He told her that as far as Ian knew, Kyle and I were just out on a food run. I figured we could keep Ian in the dark for at least another day before…I didn't even want to think about the aneurysm he was going to have when he found out that Kyle and I were off somewhere and no one knew anything other than whatever we were doing; it was dangerous.

At the hotel, it was like old times curling up with Kyle. He didn't spoon me though. He felt more comfortable facing me allowing me to curl up on his chest. I fell asleep while he stroked my hair. In the early morning, we left. Kyle jumped in the back and I drove. I stopped at the same mall again because we weren't able to bring clothing with us, other than the suit I had left in the trunk of the sedan. I purchased undergarments for both of us and a few changes of clothes. We spent another night in a hotel. One more day and we would be there. Kyle knew a short cut that shaved another hour off of our drive time.

It was late September and sunset on a sunny day was right about seven thirty. Kyle figured we should wait until ten o'clock to minimize the chance of being seen by neighbors. He said that when he lived with his parents, they usually went to bed at eleven o'clock. I dropped Kyle off about a block away so he could go to the house and cut the phone lines. Hopefully, no one would be talking on the phone because that could prove to be disastrous. I waited ten minutes and then I drove by the house to see if Kyle would give me the signal to park or if I should continue on. He signaled me to park. I backed into the driveway. He met me at the back of the van. We opened the back doors and left them ajar.

"Are you ready?" he whispered.

"I think so." I shivered.

Kyle brushed the back of his fingers across my face. "It would be a crime if you get caught. You are so beautiful." He leaned in and kissed me briefly on the lips. It wasn't a harmless peck and it left me rather shocked. I didn't even want to think about if he had kissed me like that at the hotel. Sometimes he was so like Ian.

I walked to the door and rang the doorbell. Kyle stood just out of sight from the door and he turned his back. He had the chloroform and a towel in his hand. The porch light clicked on and the door opened slowly….


	26. Chapter 26

**Okay this is weird to me…Chapter 23- 100 hits, Chapter 24- 130 hits, chapter 25 (The last chapter) - 170 hits? Hmmmm…hypothesis: People skipped chapters (not likely), People reread a chapter because they liked it so much (possible), People are logging on to see if the new chapter has been posted and they are going to the last chapter to see if they've read it because they don't know what number the last chapter they read was. Okay, I'm super flattered that people are eager for the next chapter. You can put me on your story alert and you'd know the moment it's posted or know this: I post on Thursday usually around 8:00PM EST (I'm an east coast girl), Saturday- around 6:00PM EST and Monday- around 8:00PM EST. That's the schedule I try to stick to. Excuse now while I don my armor….**

NO JOKING MATTER

"GOOD EVENING, MRS. O'SHEA. I'm sorry to call on you so late."

"Lightening Claw, what a surprise!"

"May I come in?"

"Well, my husband is asleep."

Kyle turned abruptly into the doorway and faced her. "Hello Mom." Kyle grabbed my hand and pulled me through the door as Maggie stepped backward. Suddenly she dropped to the floor. Kyle caught her and lowered her slowly. "Mom!" Kyle shouted. "Please tell me she didn't shred her brain," he cried out in a panic.

I knelt to the floor and put my hand over her mouth and nose. "No, she's still breathing. She must have fainted."

Relieved Kyle whispered. "I'm going to the bedroom to knock out my dad before he wakes up."

"Okay."

By the time Kyle came back, his mother was just coming around.

"Maggie, are you okay?"

She opened her eyes and I helped her to sit up. "I'm okay…Kyle?"

"Yes, Mom, it's me." He knelt by her side but he refrained from letting her see his eyes.

She pleaded with him. "Don't tell them where Ian is."

Kyle immediately turned to face her. She stared at him before she spoke. "You're human!"

He stared at her. "Yes. Mom, are you in there?"

Maggie spoke. "She is. She was dormant for a long time until…I don't understand." She looked at me. "You are _not_ human. How can you…" Maggie looked scared and confused.

Kyle took her hand. "Don't be afraid. She is my friend. She's not here to hurt either one of you."

Maggie sat on the floor looking bewildered. "Where's Tom?"

"Mom, where are your cell phones?"

"What?"

"The cell phones. Where are they?" he asked again.

"The cell phones are in the kitchen on the counter. Why?"

"This is dangerous. We have to get out of here mom. I'm going to put you to sleep for a little while. I'll still be with you when you wake up, okay?"

The poor woman was so confused. "You're going to put me to sleep?"

"Yes, Mrs. O'Shea. I'm sorry," I said softly as Kyle placed the towel over her nose and mouth. She looked terrified and then she was out cold.

"Let's get my father to the living room. Turn out the porch light."

I ran and turned off the outside light and then followed Kyle into the bedroom. Mr. O'Shea was wearing pajamas much to my relief. Kyle took the bulk of his weight and I took his legs. We carried him to the living room and placed him in a big overstuffed chair.

"Turn off all the lights." Kyle had obviously done this before probably when they were raiding houses and stealing souls to 'experiment' on. I suddenly had a sick feeling in my stomach.

"Wanda, go open the van doors all the way and wait for me there."

I did as I was told. Kyle came out carrying his dad. I got in the back of the van and helped to pull his upper body inside. Kyle ran back to the house and came back only a minute later carrying his mother.

"Get in the driver's seat. As soon as I close the doors, you go."

I started the van and waited. Kyle ran back into the house and was back after a few minutes. He jumped in and yelled. "Go, go, go!"

I pulled out slowly and tried to remain calm as I drove down the street. Kyle sat quietly in the back of the van. My cell phone started ringing.

"Don't answer it." Kyle ordered.

"But, it's Ian."

"And what are you going to tell him?"

"I…"

"That's what I thought. Don't answer it." I thought back to when Sunny had advised the same thing and I didn't listen. My heart was already racing. I didn't need the added stress of Ian right now. I drove directly to the highway.

"Drive for thirty minutes then get off at the first exit you see. Keep an eye on who is around you. Watch to see who gets off the exit when you do." I felt that Kyle was being overly cautious.

"Kyle, don't you think you're being a little extreme?"

"Extreme is what has kept us humans alive for the last six years. Do you want to take a chance on exposing your family? All the people you love?"

"No." I would never want to put them in danger.

"Then let's take every precaution."

"Can't they track us through Tom and Maggie's cell phones?"

"They _could _if I had brought them."

"Where are they?"

"I turned them off and flushed them down the toilet." He _had _done this before. His dad started to come around. Kyle gave him another dose to knock him out.

"How long are you going to keep him down?"

"I don't know yet."

"Well, I think before we get to the caverns we should talk to them. I can't drive all night and you can't drive during the day."

"Okay, let's make sure no one is following us first."

I drove for half an hour as Kyle had instructed and I kept my eyes on the cars around me. We weren't near any cities so there wasn't much traffic at this time of night. I was the only car that exited the highway. I drove around the outskirts of town before I got back on the highway.

"Look for the town of Hatfield. There's a campground there. It's about an hour from here. We can pull in and talk there for a bit and then I'll drive while you sleep."

"Okay." The campground was right where he said it was. About ten minutes before we got there his mom woke up.

"Hi again, Mom."

"Kyle?"

"Still here just like I promised."

"Where am I?"

"You're safe. We are taking you back to where we live."

"Is that where Ian is?"

I called to her from the driver's seat. "No, but when he hears you are with us, he will come."

Maggie thought for a moment. "Are you using me as bait to trap him?"

Kyle answered with a grin. "Mom he's already trapped."

"Kyle! He is _not_ trapped!" I scolded him.

Maggie looked worried again. "What about me?" I knew this was Maggie the soul concerned for her welfare so I spoke to her soul to soul.

"Maggie, where were you before earth? What was your name?"

"My name was Beautiful Melody and I came from the world of the Bats."

"The singing world. Did you like it there?"

"It was better than here. At least I didn't have to share my host. It took me forever to silence Maggie and then when Lightening Claw showed up and mentioned Kyle and Ian, I couldn't shut her up. The worst part is I can't sing. This host cannot carry a tune."

"It's true, Mom never could sing." Kyle reiterated.

I offered her a solution. "Would you like to go back?"

"I'm no skipper."

"I can save both of you. If you are willing, I can take you from Maggie's body and send you anywhere you want to go. We have cryo tanks. You wouldn't be a skipper. You would be restoring a human life. You must know that humans have fought harder to maintain their existence than the hosts on any other planet. I did it myself for someone I love."

Kyle's father started to move around. He was waking up. We were parked at the campground and I had already climbed into the back with the others.

"Mom, I'm going to need you to help keep him under control. Will you do that for me?"

As Tom woke he was disoriented and he became violent. Kyle had moved to a position blocking the door. Maggie tried to soothe him. "Tom, it's okay. Kyle is here with us and look he's human."

"What?" It took him a second to process her words. "Kyle?"

"Right here Dad."

"How? ...How can you be human? She told us you were captured. She said they put a soul into you and you were blocking your memories."

"She had to feel you out. She actually told you _her_ story. That's what happened to her first host."

He focused on me. "So, you share your body with the host too?"

"Not anymore. I gave the first host her life back."

"You skipped?" I could tell this was going to be a long night and I was exhausted.

"No, I didn't skip. Someone skips when they can't control the host. I loved and respected the host and she went through hell and didn't deserve to lose her life or her love." I turned to Kyle. "If I am going to drive in the morning I need to sleep and right now I am exhausted. Can you tell your parents my story? You know it as well as I do."

"Come here, sweetheart. Lay down here in my lap and go to sleep."

I scooted over and put my head on his chest. "Will you hold me till I fall asleep?"

"Sure." He kissed the top of my head and stroked my hair. "You did good today. I'm proud of you." I closed my eyes but I could still hear the conversation.

Maggie addressed Kyle. "Is Lightening Claw your…girlfriend?"

Kyle laughed. "No. Somebody obviously smarter than me beat me to her. Actually she's Ian's fiancée."

Dad piped up. "How old is she?"

"Eighteen."

Maggie weighed in. "She's just a baby!"

"I think that's why Ian calls her Babydoll." I popped my head up because I didn't appreciate being treated like a child even if Ian was nearly nine years older than me.

"I've been to nine planets."

"Nine? How old _are_ you?" Tom asked.

"I don't even know. Ten thousand years, give or take. You spend a lot of time in a cryo tank when you travel from planet to planet, you know?"

Kyle pulled my head back to his chest. "Sleep, Wanda."

"Wait. I want you to know that when my life here on earth ends it will be my end. I want to spend my life with Ian and I want to be buried with him as well."

Kyle brushed his fingers across my face. "Wanda, I'll tell them all about you. I promise I won't skip the bad parts even though I'd like to."

Tom creased his brow. "You called her Wanda. I thought her name was Lightning Claw?"

"No. She made that up. When you are trying to remain anonymous you need to get creative. She made that name up as far as I know. Her real name is Wanderer from the last planet that she was on."

"Whoa. Wanderer as in Rides the Beast?" Tom asked.

I buried my head. Obviously Tom had come from the Mists Planet.

"Yes." Kyle answered. "She is also known on that planet as Rides the Beast."

"She's a legend. I can now see why."

Kyle began to tell my story and I fell asleep. When I woke up it was nearly morning. Both Maggie and Tom were asleep as well. Kyle was driving.

"Good morning, sweetheart." he sang out.

I yawned and stretched. "What time is it?"

"It's five. It's almost dawn and we are low on gas."

"Well, you could pull over and we can switch places. You must be tired."

"I'm exhausted but I don't get to fall asleep in _your_ lap." He looked back at me and pouted.

I ignored him. "Are your parents asleep or did you knock them out?"

"I was going to knock them out but they were so tired by the time I finished telling them all about you. They actually apologized and asked if it was okay to continue in the morning because they wanted to sleep."

"Good, I think this whole thing is going really well. Don't you?"

"Yes, my parents think you're awesome. I think I am really jealous of Ian. Maggie is even willing to go back to that planet with the bats."

"The Singing World."

"Right."

"What about Tom? Is he willing to give up his host?"

"I don't know. I think he likes it here more than Maggie does."

"I don't want to force him but I'll talk to him. Maybe he'd be willing to give up the host if we offer to place him in another human body. We could put him in a cryo tank and leave him at a hospital and they would place him into a newborn."

"You don't think he'd expose us?" Kyle had a legitimate concern.

"Well, it would be several years before he could talk and probably several more years before anyone took him seriously. Also, he doesn't know where we are going. How much did you tell him when you told him my story?"

"Too much, I'm afraid. He knows we are living in the desert."

"Well, I think we should give him the option if he says he wants to stay here on earth. Souls are generally honest. I don't think he would break a promise."

Kyle and I switched places and I stopped at the next town for gas. I got us all breakfast at a fast food restaurant while his parents were still asleep. They didn't wake up until eight o'clock and then they had to use the facilities. This presented a problem simply because Kyle couldn't leave the van. I had to accompany each of them and unfortunately I had to brandish a gun as a deterrent to running. I was very uncomfortable with doing this but I needed to let them know that there were too many others at stake to allow even one of them the chance to ruin us and if I had to I would shoot. Whether or not they believed me, they did not cause any trouble.

Once we got back on the road, my cell phone rang. It was Ian. Kyle once again implored me not to answer. I had wanted to surprise Ian with his parents after the souls had been removed and the hosts were restored to their former selves. I knew Ian would badger me for answers about our sudden disappearance but I missed him and I longed to talk to him.

"I have to answer it."

"If you insist but I'm telling you if he gets crazy, I will take the phone from you and I'll give him a reason to be pissed off. Are you sure that you want to take that chance?"

I again ignored him. Kyle asked his parents to remain quiet as I picked up the phone. I was unsure of what I would hear so I spoke with caution.

"Hello?"

"You lied to me." He was calm. He was too calm. It made the hair stand up on the back of my neck.

"I'm sorry." I didn't know what else to say.

He spoke louder now. "You lied to everyone and you took off again! Do you even have an explanation?"

"I brought Kyle with me this time." It wasn't an explanation but it was a defense.

"And you put him danger! Jeb read the note to me. Cyanide pills? You had no right to drag him into whatever stupid harebrained idea you've cooked up.!" He was irate.

"We didn't have to use them besides we carry them on every trip, you know that."

He was yelling. "That's not the point. We carry them as a precaution. You said yourself that this trip was dangerous. What the hell are you doing with my brother?"

"I can't tell you," I croaked.

"You better tell me, NOW!"

"Ian, please stop yelling," I begged. Kyle ripped the phone away from my ear and since I was driving I couldn't do anything about it.

Kyle was calm. "Hello, little brother."…"You know me and my little sis have gotten very close these last two months."…"Sunny's, well, she's not Jodie."…"Her mother wanted to see her lover."

What was he talking about? Who's mother? My mother? This is bad.

"Kyle, stop it!"

Kyle held his hand up to me. "I guess I'm saying your Babydoll is mine now and I've got the certificate to prove it." Kyle snapped the phone shut.

I was shaking. I had to pull off the next exit. "You told him we were married? Are you insane? He is going to kill you!"

Kyle sat back and laughed.

Maggie scolded him. "How could you do that to your brother? You're always bullying him!"

"Hey, I'll bet he comes home now. Isn't that what you've wanted all these months?"

"NO! He's been so busy trying to make our wedding perfect! I'm so angry with you! Give me that phone."

Tom obviously had heard something that stuck in his mind and he needed to get it off his chest. "I thought Sunny _was_ Jodie."

"She's in Jodie's body but technically she's not Jodie." Kyle replied.

I interrupted him. "Kyle, give me the phone!"

Kyle refused.

I parked in the first parking lot I came to and lunged into the back of the van. "Kyle, give me the damn phone now!"

Maggie backed me up. "I think you should give it to her."

"Fine. He's got to know it's a joke. I mean who is going to marry a human to a soul?"

"Right. We're talking about Ian. Have you forgotten how he reacted over the Nate situation?" I grabbed the phone and dialed Burns' number. It went straight to voice mail. I tried again. It went straight to voice mail. I pictured him in the root cellar destroying the walls. I called Nate's phone.

"Hello, Beautiful!"

"Nate, where's Ian?"

"What? I don't even get a 'hello'?"

"This is an emergency. Find Ian now!"

"What's wrong? Are you all right?"

"Kyle told him that we got married."

"Oh, crap. You married Kyle?"

"NO!"

"Then why did he tell him that?"

"Cause he's stupid! Just find Ian PLEASE!"

"Okay, let me call you back."

"Hurry!"

I got back on the road and again headed to the highway but not before I smacked Kyle in head and used a few choice words which shocked both Maggie and Tom who had been living in their non-violent world for so long. As I drove the tears finally made their appearance. I had been holding them back throughout my angry tirade with Kyle. I was wiping the tears from my face with my arm when Kyle finally decided to apologize.

"Look, I'm sorry. I figured he'd just keep calling back. I didn't think he'd shut off the phone."

"I don't want to talk about it with you. You _know_ how Ian is."

Maggie spoke up. "Excuse me. Your mother is very confused. She wants to know what happened to both of you because she says that Kyle was always the hothead and Ian was always the calm one."

"Yeah, well, Mom, Ian was never in love before."

The phone rang. I grabbed it before Kyle could.

"Hello?"

"He's gone."

"What do you mean he's gone?"

"Megan and Sarah were in the house watching TV. They said Ian came in like a wild man and demanded the keys to the truck from Burns. Of course Burns wasn't going to just give them to him. Ian said if Burns wouldn't give him the keys he would hot wire the truck."

"Why didn't Burns call me?"

"He couldn't. Ian destroyed the phone. I'm looking at it now. He tore it in half."

"Oh my god."

"Burns decided the only way to appease Ian was to take him to the caverns. Megan said they left in a hurry. Ian practically pushed Burns out the door. So, I guess they are coming your way and there is no way to reach them."

"Great, then there is no way to diffuse him before he gets here."

"Sorry, Beautiful, I wish I could help."

"Nate, I gotta go."

"Call me."

"I will." I snapped the phone shut. I turned my head to address Kyle and his parents. "Apparently Ian ripped the cell phone in half. And he forced Burns to drive him back to the caverns. I just hope we get there before he does."

"I'm sorry, Wanda."

"If he thinks we are married, he _will_ try to kill you. When he gets there, you need to be out of the way until I can explain things."

Again Tom was still stuck on something that had been said. "What was the 'Nate situation'?"

I spoke before Kyle had a chance. "Nate is another human who I met that belongs in the other clan. He's very charming and handsome and he took an instant liking to me. Ian saw the easy interaction between us and he became jealous. The whole thing just sort of snowballed."

Kyle interrupted. "Wanda, the truth is Nate fell for you like a ton of bricks and you admitted to having feelings for him as well. That's why Ian was jealous."

"You may be right but I always knew that Ian was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Tell me why Ian should be jealous of you then. "

"Maybe it's because I am your Ian fix and I seem to be spending more time with you than he does."

I glared at Kyle. "Anyway, Ian forced me to return home without him because he wanted me to make a choice even though I had already made it. After six weeks, I couldn't take it anymore and I went back to give him an ultimatum. After that we were really happy."

"Until the kiss." Kyle blurted out.

Maggie blubbered, "What kiss?"

I started to cry. It was my only defense. "I can't do this." I knew they would think I was horrible.

Kyle came up behind me and hugged me. "You drive, I'll talk," he whispered. He sat back down and told his parents about the unexpected kiss and the battle that followed with Ian.

Maggie took a deep breath. "How do you keep it all together? You've been through so much."

I drove in silence the rest of the day. Kyle knocked his parents out with the chloroform so he could sleep. Kyle's parents woke up before he did but they sat quietly while he slept. Once he was awake, I pulled off at the next exit for a bathroom break and to get some dinner. It was just getting dark. After we ate, Kyle and I switched places and he drove. We were only a few hours from home now. When we got close to the place where we exited the highway to head to the wash and then to the caverns, I put a blindfold on each of his parents as a safety precaution. Kyle drove directly to the caverns and pulled up under the overhang. Jeb and Brandt were there to greet us and were quite surprised when they saw that we had guests. We led them to the facilities first and then back to Doc's office. Doc was sitting at his desk reading and he was surprised when our group entered the room. Jeb had come with us.

"Well, what do we have here?" Doc asked as he looked up from his journal.

"It seems the big secret Wanda was keeping was not her parents, but Kyle and Ian's parents." Jeb explained.

I pushed my way to the front of the pack. "This…is Maggie and Tom. Maggie says that she wants to go back to the Singing World."

"That's the planet with the bats right?" Doc asked.

"Right. I don't know what Tom wants to do. We never got around to having that discussion thanks to Kyle."

Tom spoke up. "You said that you had cryo tanks. Where are they?"

Doc opened the big drawer to his desk and pulled out two empty cryo tanks. "These are the last two."

"And where is this girl Mel? If she was once occupied by a soul she should have a scar."

Kyle spoke. "I'll get her. I have to check in with Sunny anyway."

I called out to him. "Sure, you go check in with your girlfriend. Make sure you tell her that we're married!"

Jeb and Doc both spoke at once. "What? You And Kyle are married?"

I turned to them. "No, but idiot Kyle thought it would be cute to tell Ian that. Ian destroyed the phone and now he and Burns are on their way here and he doesn't know that it's a hoax."

Jeb took a deep breath. "I'll never understand you young people. I suppose I better get my gun. It may be Kyle's only protection until Ian finds out the truth."

Mel and Jared appeared in the doorway. "Kyle said that you needed me in here?"

"Jared, Melanie. Yes, I would like to introduce you to Tom and Maggie. They are Kyle and Ian's parents."

Jared placed himself between Mel and the newcomers. "Was this Kyle's idea?"

"No, it was mine. I went to visit them and I knew that Ian's parents were still fighting for the host body. I talked Kyle into coming with me."

Jared pulled me away from Tom and Maggie. "So you plan to remove the souls?"

"Yes, Maggie wants to go. Tom has some questions. He wants to make sure we can do this. He wanted to see Mel."

Tom spoke up. "I wanted to see if she has a scar. Wanda says she was once in Melanie's body. Is this the truth?"

Melanie stepped forward and around Jared. "Yes. Wanda made the ultimate sacrifice for me. She decided to give my body back to me even though she thought she would die. She said she didn't want to live as a parasite anymore, but we couldn't live without her." Melanie turned around and pulled her hair off of her neck exposing the scar. "Candy has a scar as well. Her soul was sent away to another planet."

"Well, if you can send me back to the Mist planet I would like that. I can tell the others that I knew Rides the Beast."

Doc stepped forward. "If one of you would like to lie down here, the other can wait in the kitchen. Would someone please get Candy in here?"

Tom spoke again. "If you don't mind I would like to watch. Can I say good bye?"

Doc called out. "Everyone clear the room please?"

We all filed out into the hall. Jeb went to find Candy. In the meantime, Kyle and Sunny returned. Sunny ran up to me immediately. "I'm sorry about what happened. Kyle can sometimes be really thoughtless."

"I know I'm just afraid. After Ian's near death experience he was really mellowing but this morning on the phone he was out of control and then Kyle pushed him right over the edge."

"Well, Kyle will be sleeping with Ice tonight. You can stay with me."

"Burns is supposed to be driving straight through. I want to get up early so I'll be awake when Ian gets here. Okay?"

"Sure, I'll set the alarm for you."

"Kyle!" Doc called. Kyle went into the room. Candy passed us in the hall and entered as well.

About fifteen minutes passed and Doc came to the hall. "We're just waiting for Kyle's mom to wake up. He's talking to her now."

We quietly entered the room and waited while Kyle spoke to his mom.

"Mom, come on. Wake up. We need you so we can be a family again. Don't you want to see your grandchildren?"

Maggie opened her eyes slowly. She looked at Kyle, then she touched her own body. "This is me, right?"

"Yeah." he smiled.

She reached out and he leaned in and they hugged for along time. Tears were streaming down both of their faces. I walked over to Tom who seemed in disbelief.

"See? It's not so difficult. We have two healers her, all the medicine we need and the cryo tank. You want to give it a go?"

"You promise I'll go back to the Mists Planet?"

"I promise."

Kyle ushered his mother out of the room into the hall. I stayed in the room with Doc and Candy while they performed the same procedure on Tom. When they finished I went to the hall and retrieved both Kyle and his Mom.

"Sunny. I'm going to leave them alone. I'm going to bed. Please don't forget to set the alarm."


	27. Chapter 27

**So, this is the chapter…. But before you read on, a friend of mine who has put together this awesome contest has asked me to remind all of you "Host" fans to check it out.**

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**And now…. Don't kill me.**

FEAR

I WENT TO BED BUT I COULDN'T SLEEP SOUNDLY. I woke up several times before I finally decided to just get up and go hang out near the cavern entrance as I had done so many nights when I was alone without Ian. I nodded off as I sat waiting but I heard the truck as it pulled up under the overhang. Someone had parked the van in the garage the night before. As soon as the truck stopped I heard the door open and slam shut. I got up and ran to Ian. I wanted to jump into his arms. I missed him so much.

Before I could touch him I felt his hand stop me dead in my tracks. He had put his hand around my throat. I could feel him squeezing my airway shut. I put my hands on his arm and tried to pull him off. I was on my tiptoes and soon my feet barely touched the ground. "How could you do this to me? My brother? YOU MARRIED MY BROTHER?" he screamed.

I couldn't breath let alone speak. It was deja vous. He wanted to kill me and for the second time my savior was Jeb. He came around the truck with his shotgun in hand.

"Ian, put her down! She didn't marry anyone!"

Ian released me and I fell to my hands and knees in the desert sand. I was coughing trying to fill my lungs with air. The ground was blurry.

"What?" Ian was mystified.

"Kyle said it to get you to come home for the real surprise. It seems you've got family here."

Now Ian was horrified. He fell to his knees and tried to apologize. "Wanderer, I'm sorry. I thought you left me for Kyle." He reached out to hold me. I was so afraid I didn't want him to touch me.

I cowered. "Don't touch me." I croaked.

I backed away from him while still on my knees. When I got to Jeb, he reached down to help me up. Ian was still on his knees. "What have I done?"

Burns had been standing there and witnessed the entire incident. I ran to him and put my arms around his waist. "Stay with me, please?" I croaked.

Burns didn't say a word. He scooped me up and walked away from Ian. He took me to Lily's room. Lily woke up as Burns placed me on the mattress.

"Burns! You're here…with Wanda…What's wrong?" Lily asked.

"I'll tell you in a bit. Let me get her settled."

I curled up in the fetal position. I couldn't even cry. I was too afraid. I was afraid Ian would come bursting through the door. Burns spooned me from behind and stroked my hair. I lay there for the rest of the day. Sometimes I slept but mostly I just rocked. I didn't know where Ian was and I didn't care as long as he wasn't here. I kept going over in my mind the similarities in the first strangulation and the second. Eventually, Sunny came to me. She talked. I didn't.

"Hey, girl," she whispered as she brushed my hair from my face.

"You should have woke me when you left. I could have been with you. Maybe Ian wouldn't have…" Sunny didn't finish her sentence but instead curled up in front of me and spoke very low. "Ian is not speaking to Kyle and neither am I. He wants to beat the tar out of him but Jeb won't let him." I shuddered at the thought of Ian beating his brother because I knew it could have been me. "Ian's asleep now. He was so exhausted. His mom is watching over him. He wanted to come to you but she said to give you some time." She stroked my hair. "Ian loves you. You know that. He was tired and angry and he just reacted." Finally I started to cry. The tears stung my face. Sunny wrapped herself around me while I cried.

After a while darkness settled in the caverns. Lily was with me now. She wanted to turn on the light but I didn't want her to. I felt cold but it was warm in the room. I heard footsteps slowly approaching.

"I brought you some food." It was Ian.

"I'm going to go and find Burns." Lily whispered.

She disappeared before I could reach out to stop her. Ian turned on the light. "No!" I pulled my arms around my head so I couldn't see him. My heart was racing but not in a good way. It was like being trapped with your executioner.

He turned off the light. "I'm sorry, Wanderer. You told me to trust you and I didn't. Can you forgive me?"

I didn't answer. I didn't forgive him but I was afraid that if I told him how I felt I could be in more trouble so I stay curled up in my fetal position. He reached out and touched my leg. I shied away from his touch.

"I'm a monster."

He _was_ a monster.

"But I love you so much," he said in a tender voice.

He started to stroke my hair and he pulled my chin up to face him. I felt him start to lean in. "Ian, please don't." I turned my face away from him.

He stopped. He slid away from me and sat with his back against the wall. It was silent for a long time. Eventually I fell asleep. I had horrible nightmares. I dreamt that I was in my wedding dress and I was absolutely beautiful. I walked down the aisle and as I turned to face Ian all I saw was a monster who started choking me. I screamed.

I woke up and Ian was wrapped around me trying to calm me. "Wanderer, it's okay. It was just a dream." I panicked. I kicked to get away from him. _He_ was my nightmare.

"I need to go to the bathroom." I croaked. I got up and bolted out the door before Ian could respond. It was quiet in the caverns. As I passed through the main cavern I saw that Kyle was asleep on the love seat. He was much too big for it and his limbs hung off in awkward positions. It was early morning; the sun was just coming up. I thought I should hurry back to Ian because if he decided to follow me and he saw Kyle, he would have his chance at retaliation. I reached the bathing room just as the bile came up in my throat. As I threw up the pounding in my head began. I hadn't eaten in twenty four hours. I looked in the mirror on my way out and I looked like hell. My neck was bruised. You could make out exactly where Ian's fingers had been. I brushed my hair but it wasn't helping. I decided to stick my head in the tub. The cool water felt good. I really wanted to get in but I was afraid for Kyle's safety. I wrapped my head in a towel and headed back to Lily's room. I wondered where Lily and Burn's were sleeping. Kyle was still peacefully snoring on the loveseat. When I got back to Lily's room, Ian was gone. I was both relieved and panicked. I tried to calm my fears. If Ian had gone to find me, I surely would have met up with him along the way. Maybe he went back to Ice's room which used to be our room and went to sleep. I turned on the battery operated lamp to search for a brush. No sooner had I found it when Ian entered the room carrying a tray with a sandwich and a drink.

He spoke very solemnly. "You wouldn't eat yesterday so I thought you might be hungry." Now that I had thrown up, I _was_ hungry. "I made you a turkey sandwich with extra mayo and cheddar cheese just the way you like it. Please sit down and eat."

He placed the tray in the middle of the mattress. I sat down cross legged and silently took a large bite of the sandwich. Ian sat across from me although he didn't bring anything for himself to eat. He looked sallow to me. I took another healthy bite of my sandwich. I still had my hair wrapped in a towel and the fresh bruises on my neck were no longer covered by my hair. Ian reached out and lightly brushed my neck with the back of his hand. He lowered his head and put the palms of his hands over his eyes and began to break down.

My heart was dying to reach out and soothe him but my fear that he would interpret my actions as forgiveness stopped me cold. "I can't help you Ian." I paused and put down my sandwich. "I'm afraid that if I get too close that you will want to be even closer and I can't do that right now."

He looked up at me. "Do you hate me?"

"No, I could never hate you."

"But you don't love me anymore."

I took a deep breath because I wanted to explain my feelings truthfully. "Ian, I can't just stop loving you. It doesn't work like that for me. I'm…" I was almost afraid to say it because I knew it would hurt him. "I'm afraid of you."

"Oh god, I never meant to hurt you."

"I know you didn't, but you are like a ticking time bomb when it comes to me."

He was quietly contemplating my words. I took another bite of my sandwich. I chewed quickly and swallowed so I could speak. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Please," he implored.

"When you thought that I married Kyle, did you hate me? Is that why you strangled me?"

He shook his head. "Truthfully, I was destroyed by the thought of you being with Kyle but I never hated you. You just came at me so fast. My intention was just to stop you. I don't know why I…" He shook his head again. "Wanderer, I'll never stop loving you even if you walked away from me right now and chose Nate."

"Do you want the truth?"

"Yes."

I stared at my sandwich. "I'm considering it." I looked up at him ready to defend myself if necessary.

Ian closed his eyes to fight back the tears and his hands balled up into fists. "Is there anything? Anything at all I can do to convince you to stay?" he pleaded.

I pulled the towel off of my hair and let it fall to my shoulders. "I'm so conflicted." I held up my hand. I wanted to get one more bite of this sandwich because the conversation was getting intense and I had a feeling this bite would be my last. After I chewed and swallowed, I spoke. "If I were to go to Nate, I know he would love me with his whole heart and he would do everything possible to give me a happy life."

Ian nodded his head. He didn't speak but he got to his feet and turned towards the door. He assumed my decision was made. I spoke before he crossed the threshold. "The problem is I'll never love him the way that I love you."

Ian stopped but he didn't turn around. He took one step out of the room and paused before taking another. For the first time, I felt angry. I was angry at what he did to me but I was even angrier that he was about to walk out of my life…again. I spoke up. "So, first you try to kill me and now you are just going to give up and walk away. You know what you are? You're a coward." I threw what was left of my sandwich at him. He stopped and turned towards me. I expected him to be angry but he wasn't.

He was desperate. "Wanderer what do you want from me? I don't know what I'm supposed to do." He fell to his knees on the mattress. He lamented, "I want to take you in my arms and make love to you but you don't want me to touch you."

I looked down. I couldn't look at his face. I started fumbling with a crease in the blanket. I tried to change the subject. "So…How are your parents now that they are human?"

"They are grateful…to you…as I am…again. Wanderer, I love you so much. Please!" He put his hands on my face and looked into my eyes. "Anything you want, name it."

I pulled my face out of his hands and looked down at the blanket again. Again I paused before I spoke. I spoke slowly and deliberately. "When I first came to the caverns, you were happy; no, more like thrilled with any attention that I gave you even if it was something as simple as holding my hand. And you knew that I loved Jared." I stopped and sighed before I continued. "Now, you expect….no, that's not the right word, you _demand_ all of my love and attention. It's always all or nothing with you. What happened to that guy that was grateful for just spending time with me?"

He reached towards my hand and played with my fingers. He too was looking down only he was paying close attention to my reaction to him touching my hand. "So, you want to go backwards," he concluded.

"I want to start all over again. I want you to be the sweet kind Ian that I fell in love with. Can you do that?"

"I'll do anything if it means that I don't lose you."

I went for broke. "Your jealousy needs to be put on the back burner. You know, I was told that every time I leave the mountain Holly resumes her roll as your 'pet'. I've never confronted you on it. You've slept with Heidi, Lydia, and Lily and I was very upset but once I came to terms with it; I let it go. I'm sorry that my body is so appealing to men. Do you want me to find another _less _appealing body?"

He rubbed my fingers with his thumb. "No, you're perfect. Maybe, I'm just scared."

"Scared of what?"

"Scared of losing you. You're so damned perfect."

"I'm not! I'm too young and I've cheated on you. I'm surprised your parents even like me at all after they heard about the Nate thing."

He was surprised. "You think you are too young for me?"

"Yes, sometimes I think that is why you treat me the way you do. I think you see me as your kid instead of your equal."

"I know. You're right. I guess that's why I was so impressed when you put me in my place."

"Ian, I'm ten thousand years old."

"I know." he chuckled quietly. "Thank god you don't look it." I looked up at him for the first time. "You're beautiful."

I smiled. "Do you think we could lie down and maybe you could just hold my hand?"

"I'll try and restrain myself," he joked.

"Don't be silly. I really mean it."

"I'm not. I really mean that I'll try to restrain myself. I want to kiss you so badly right now it hurts."

This was exactly what I had been trying to avoid. "You're pushing. I need you to promise not to push. It's difficult for me right now just to lie next to you."

He didn't answer. Either he couldn't make the promise or he was too hurt by my comment to speak. I was okay with the silence. He turned off the light and lay down facing me in the dim light. He reached out and held my hand loosely.

Later that morning when I woke, his mother was sitting next to me reading one of Doc's books. "Mrs. O'Shea? What are you doing here?"

"I sent Ian to take a bath. I wanted to talk to you."

I sat up. "Okay."

"First, I want to thank you for what you did. Bringing me and my husband here was very brave of you but I guess you've always been a brave soul." She chuckled. "How about that, I just made a pun!"

I smiled. She pulled the hair away from my neck to see the bruises. "Ian is really upset with himself." She let my hair fall back to my shoulders. "Can I tell you a true story?" she asked.

I nodded my head.

"A long time ago when Ian was just nine or ten years old, my husband and I were going through a rough time. I felt unappreciated and I was tired of being Kyle's mom or Ian's mom. I thought I had lost my identity. Seems silly now considering the souls really took my identity. Anyway, I used to accompany my boys to the baseball field for all of their practices. There was another boy on the team whose divorced dad was always there. Sometimes he would help coach but most of the time he would come over and talk to me. He was very intense. He would look right into my eyes whenever I spoke to him."

I nodded my head. "I know what you mean. Nate does that. He always makes me feel like I am the only person around when he talks to me."

"So, you know what I mean. One day this man, his name was Scott, invited me to have lunch with him. Before I knew it, he swept me off my feet and we were having an affair. My husband and I fought more and more. I wanted out. Ian would go into his room and turn the music up really loud to drown out the fighting. Kyle was older so he would just go out to his friend's house. I knew my fighting was tearing the boys apart. The day my husband found out about the affair, he slapped me in the face and pushed me down. I fell over a chair and got pretty bruised up. I almost left that day but when I realized how much Tom loved me, I decided to stay. It took a lot of work on both of our parts but I'm glad I stayed. I don't know how much of that story Ian or Kyle know so I would like you to keep that between you and me. My point is Ian obviously loves you. I've never seen him so emotional. The last time I saw him cry, he was thirteen and his grandmother died. You have his heart, be careful with it."

"Thank you Mrs. O'Shea."

She got up. "Please call me Maggie. I hope one day you'll be able to call me mom." She looked into the hall. "I want to go to the kitchen. Can you point me in the right direction?"

"Sure, if you give me a minute to get a change of clothes and a towel, I'll walk you there."

I escorted Ian's mom to the kitchen. Tom was there waiting for her. He was talking to Mel and Jared. Burns was there as well and he flagged me down. "I was planning on taking the cryo tanks to the shuttle port tonight. Do you want to come with me?"

"Yes, definitely."

"Okay, we'll leave as soon as it gets dark. Is Ian coming with us?"

"No. I need to spend some time without him. I'm afraid he'll try to rush things and I'm not able to deal with that right now."

"Okay, we'll talk tonight when we're alone."

"Okay." He hugged me and I was off to the bathing room. I passed Ian along the way.

"Hey."

"Hey," he responded.

"I'm going to take a bath and wash this rat's nest."

He grinned. "I love your rat's nest." He paused. "Wanderer?"

"Yes?"

"I have a confession to make."

Confession. That word scared me. "What?"

"I know you don't want me to touch you, but this morning when I woke up, I couldn't help myself. I kissed your fingers, and I kissed your nose, right there." He touched the tip of my nose. "And I kissed your forehead and I kissed your lips. I wasn't lewd about it. I just needed to taste your lips. Then I left because I was afraid I might not be able to stop myself from waking you."

"Why did you tell me that?"

"Because I wanted to be truthful."

"You've never been a liar. It's your possessiveness and your jealousy that has been the issue. You kissing me when I specifically asked you not to is pushing the relationship. You promised not to push."

"I'm sorry. I needed you."

"I need to be alone. I want you to know that I am going with Burns to bring the cryo tanks to the shuttle port tonight. I want you to stay here. I promised I would call Nate and I don't think it would be a good idea for you to be in on that conversation. If you want to talk some more I will meet you on the loveseat in the main cavern after my bath. It's up to you."

"What do _you_ want, Wanderer?" I had struck a nerve.

"I'd like to talk more if you don't mind."

He sounded defeated. "Sure, I'll meet you at the loveseat in say an hour?"

"Fine."

After I bathed and primped, I strolled back through the main cavern and Ian was sitting on the loveseat with breakfast for me. "My mom made this and she asked if I would bring it to you." It was bacon and eggs over easy with toast and orange juice.

"Tell your mom I said thank you. She and I had quite a conversation this morning."

Ian was serious. "She told you about the affair didn't she?"

"You knew about that?"

"She may have hid it from my father but she didn't do a great job at hiding it from us. I was afraid she was going to run off with Scott. Kyle and I had different views on how we could get her to stay. Kyle decided if he was the bad boy she would have to stay to keep him on the straight and narrow. I, on the other hand thought if I was as good as I could be then she wouldn't want to leave me. That's really the moment when Kyle started to bully me. I guess it was his way of getting his aggressions out that he had for her. It's another reason why we went to different colleges. He and I didn't become close until we had to depend on each other because there _was_ no one else. Don't get me wrong, I love my brother but he's always gotten pleasure out of getting the best of me."

"Why didn't you ever tell me this before?"

"I don't know. It seemed unimportant especially considering all the crap you went through just to be alive."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." He paused as I ate my breakfast. "What are you going to tell Nate?"

"The truth."

"I mean about us. Where do we stand?" he pressed.

"I don't know where we stand. I asked you last night to respect my limits and you've already broken that."

"I don't understand why we need limits. I love you, Wanderer. If you'd let me I'll show you how much."

"Right. If I let you make love to me right now, tell me what do you see happening in our future?"

"I see the future we planned."

"I see us falling into old habits. I try as hard as I can to not upset you and you freak out the first time Nate or Kyle get close to me. How would that strengthen our relationship?"

"At least in my picture, there _is _a relationship," Ian said defensively.

"I did nothing wrong but I pay the price whether I keep you or I lose you."

"How do you pay the price if you keep me?"

"Haven't you been listening? I might as well open the door for you to take me down again."

"I wouldn't do that."

"I didn't think you'd do it this time."

"Wanderer, I didn't mean to hurt you!" his voice cracked.

"But you did! I'm getting a headache. I'm going to lie down. Thank your mother for breakfast." I handed Ian the tray and I got up and fled to Lily's room. I was depressed and all I wanted to do was sleep\. The problem was sleeping for me wasn't peaceful.

When I woke up Ian was sitting in the room against the wall. "I swear I didn't touch you. I just wanted to be near you. Is that okay?"

I felt better now that I had slept. "I'm sorry I was angry. Do you want to lay here with me?"

"Yes," he whispered. He scooted across the floor to the mattress and he lay about a foot away from me.

I reached my hand out and he did the same. We put our palms together as if measuring the sizes of our hands. His hand was huge next to mine. "Do you know one of the things I loved most about you?"

"You said loved, past tense," he said quietly as he stared at me.

"I still love you, Ian. This particular trait is not something that I love so much anymore. It's the reason I'm afraid of you."

"What is it? Maybe I can change it," he said desperately.

"I don't think so."

"What is it?"

"I always loved how big and strong you are. I thought you would always protect me and keep me safe. Now, your size and strength scare me to death. If you wanted to, you could crush me like a bug."

"How can I prove to you that I won't do that?"

"I don't know."

He looked so worn out. "Please let me kiss you."

I tried to stand my ground. "I can't."

"Can't or won't," he argued.

"Does it matter? No means 'no'. Doesn't it?"

He rolled to his back and put his arm over his eyes. "Yes."

"If this is too difficult, I can leave."

"Don't leave," he sighed. "Would you like to put your head on my chest?"

He was pushing but I always felt comforted when my head was perched on his chest. I slid over towards him and I lay my head down. He put his arm behind his head to keep from wrapping it around me. He was trying. I put my hand on his abdomen. I could feel the ripples of his hard body beneath his shirt. His body was better than any I had ever seen.

"I love you, Wanderer."

"I know you do. I just don't know if you know _how_ to love me."

After a few minutes, Lily came to the door. "Hey guys, I hope I'm not interrupting anything. They are showing 'The Notebook' in the game room. You want to go?"

I popped up off of Ian's chest. "Absolutely." I wanted to get my mind away from the conversation that was going nowhere. I turned to look at Ian. "You want to go?"

"Sure." He didn't sound so sure though.

I got up and started walking with Lily. "Where did you and Burns sleep last night?"

"We slept in your room. I hope you don't mind."

"Then where did Ice sleep?"

"He slept in Doc's office."

"Oh. I thought he would have liked to sleep in Heidi's room." Sunny chucked and then proceeded to tell me about the competition between Heidi and Candy.

Ian split off to go to the bathroom. When we got to the game room I saw Sunny. Burns was waiting for Lily so I ran over and sat next to Sunny.

"I saw Kyle sleeping on the loveseat in the main cavern last night."

"Yes, he'll be spending some time there for at least a few days. I haven't decided how long I want to punish him yet."

"Oh, Sunny, you don't have to punish him!"

"Well, aren't you punishing Ian?"

"I don't mean to punish him but honestly, I don't know what I'm going to do."

"Well, you love him right?"

"That's the problem. I _do _love him. If I didn't; this decision would be easy. I'd be gone. I'm wondering if Ian is the person I am supposed to be with."

Sunny looked shocked. "You don't mean Kyle?"

"No! Kyle is your guy. He and I have never been more than friends. I was talking about Nate." Sunny was relieved but still concerned.

"No one will ever love you the way Ian does. You know that."

Ian entered the room and walked over to where we were sitting. "Do you mind if I sit with you?"

I patted the floor next to me. Normally whenever we watched TV I would sit between his legs and he would wrap his arms around my waist. He sat down but left about six inches between us. He put his hands in his lap. The movie began and as the movie started to get emotional so did I. Ian's mother picked today's movie and I couldn't help but wonder if she chose this particular movie on purpose. As I felt the tears begin to well up I reached over and held out my hand to Ian. He immediately wrapped his hand around mine and interlaced our fingers.

He leaned over and whispered in my ear. "I'd build a house for you."

When the movie ended I was again emotional. "It's so sad."

Ian looked at me. "Why is it sad? They spent most of their lives together and they were happy."

"It's sad because they die."

"Everyone dies…except you," he murmured.

I didn't want to die. I didn't want Ian to die. It suddenly occurred to me why the human race was so passionate. They had so little time.

Ian turned to me. He had both of my hands in his. He leaned in to my face. "I love you."

I looked down at our hands. "I love you, but…I can't."

He nodded his head as if he understood. Whether or not he really did, I don't know.

"I want to go see Mel and Jared. Do you mind?"

"No. You do what you have to do."

We walked hand and hand until we came to a parting point where the tunnels split. "I'll see you later." I promised.

"Later." He watched me walk away.

I spent the remainder of the afternoon with Jared and Mel. At least, they were happy. Like Sunny, they both assured me that it was destined that Ian and I should be together. It seemed as though everyone was rooting for us. I was still conflicted.

Before dinner, I went looking for Ian. I found him in our room. He was lying on his back with his arms folded behind his head and his feet crossed. His eyes were closed but I knew he wasn't asleep. He would never sleep in that position.

"Hey."

"Hey," he replied.

"You want to go eat?"

"Do you _want_ me to eat with you?" He sounded like he was angry again.

I remained in control. "Yes. That's why I came to get you. Burns and I leaving right after dinner so …"

Ian scrambled to his feet. He reached for my hand and I gave it to him freely. We walked quietly through the tunnels to the kitchen. It was full of people. Kyle was there but he wasn't with Sunny. I felt bad for him. It was true that he was the cause of all of this in a way, but I didn't mean to screw up his relationship as well. When Kyle saw Ian he avoided being too close to him. I hoped Ian and Kyle would work things out when I was gone. I didn't know if they had talked since all that had happened. I think each of them was too busy trying to salvage their relationships with me and Sunny. Kyle left the kitchen shortly after we got there.

After we ate, Burns came to me. "Are you about ready to go?"

"Yes."

"When will you be back?" Ian asked.

"Tomorrow night. We'll drop off the cryo tanks and Doc asked if we could get a few more just in case and some more meds. Tomorrow we need to shop. I have a list that Sharon gave me from Aunt Maggie. It's funny, we have two 'Maggies' now."

"I'll get my bag and I'll meet you at the entrance to the caverns." Burns announced as he left us to finish our dinner.

Ian walked with me back to Lily's room where my clothes were. I packed my bag while Ian leaned against the wall and watched. "Do you mind if I run with you to the garage? I need the exercise. I feel like I'm dying here."

I needed to stand my ground. "No. I don't mind but you aren't coming with me."

He sighed but he didn't speak.

Burns and Lily were already at the entrance when we got there. The four of us ran to the garage. It was nice to be able to jog the whole way without having to stop and catch my breath. When we got to the jeep, Burns and Lily went to the driver's side door and said their good byes. There was a lot of kissing.

Ian looked at them and then looked at me. I put my hands out to stop him. He took my hands in his like he did after the movie. "Okay." He chewed on his upper lip. He pulled on my hands causing me to take a step closer to him. "I miss you already."

"Don't." I wanted to stop him from kissing me.

"Please. Just one. A little one, please. I'm begging you, Wanderer."

"I want to, but…"

He leaned in and put his open lips on mine. It was a simple kiss but his lips were warm and inviting. He pulled away after just a few seconds before I had the mind to pull away myself. He leaned his forehead against mine. "Thank you."

"I have to go." I took a step back and let go of his hands. He helped me into the jeep.

"I love you Wanderer, so very much."

I couldn't reciprocate after that kiss even though I knew in my heart that I loved him too. Burns pulled out into the desert and we drove to the wash in silence. It wasn't until we got to the highway that he spoke.

"So, you and Ian seemed kind of reserved. Usually he has to peel you off of him."

"Was I that bad?"

"I definitely don't think that he thought of it as 'bad'. So, what's the deal with you two?"

"I don't know." I paused. "I don't know if I can forgive him."

"Hmm." He rubbed the bottom of his chin with his thumb. "So, you are going to keep him at arms length until what?"

"Why do you have to be so cerebral all the time?"

"I'm just asking a question," he said defensively.

"Everyone has offered their opinions," I replied expecting the same from Burns.

"I may or may not have one. I don't have all the information to form an opinion. Do you plan to take him back or what?"

I took a deep breath. "You know I love him."

"You have a lot of love to give," he remarked.

"I'm afraid of him, Burns," I blurted out.

"Ah, I see. So, you're waiting for the fear to pass?"

"I don't know. I can't help but wonder if it's Ian I'm supposed to be with."

"And by that I suppose you are talking about Nate."

"Yes. I never really gave Nate a chance. The first time I kissed him just to prove that it was Ian I wanted. The second time I freaked out because I liked the kiss a little too much and I was cheating on Ian. If I took Ian out of the equation, how do I know that Nate wouldn't be perfect?" I replied as I tried to rationalize my thoughts.

"Even if you took Ian out of the equation, you can't erase the history between you. He was the first one to love you for who you really are. You are a parasite Wanderer. Don't forget that."

"What if Nate had been in the caverns back then. How do I know he wouldn't have been the one to do all the things that Ian did?"

"I guess you'll never know that."

"I don't know what to do. That's why I'm keeping Ian at bay. I know if I let him have his way with me, he'll assume I have forgiven him and the truth is I haven't. He's strangled me not once but twice."

"The first time he hated you. Can you really count that?"

"Yes, but the second time he loved me. Could you strangle Lily?"

"No, but I'm a soul not a human. In his defense, he did not sleep one wink the entire drive to the caverns. I slept when he drove. I don't think by the time he got there that he even knew what he was going to do and you came running at him like a bat out of hell. Then again, in Nate's defense I do know that he loves you too."

"You're a great help." I said sarcastically.

"Well, you wanted my opinion. I'm not in love with either one of them. I don't envy your position."

"I'm going to call Nate." I dialed his number. He answered after a few rings.

"Hello, Beautiful!" He was exuberant as always.

"Hi, Nate."

"How are things with my favorite girl?"

"Not so good."

"What's wrong?"

I swallowed. "Ian tried to strangle me."

"What?"

I started to cry as I told him the story. "When he got back to caverns, I ran outside to tell him that I didn't marry Kyle but I never got the chance. He strangled me and I couldn't talk." My final words came out as a squeak.

"Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry. I wish I could be there for you."

"I'm glad you are where you are. You are safe."

"He apologized though, right?"

"Yes, but…"

"He didn't hurt himself did he?"

"No. Thank god. I just don't know if I can forgive him. I'm afraid of him."

I heard Nate blow out his breath into the phone. "If you need to come here to sort things out you know that you are always welcome, both of you, whether you are apart or together."

"I know. This whole thing has just gotten me thinking."

He hesitated before he spoke. "About what?"

"About how I've never really given you the chance you deserved."

"Don't play with me Wanda. You know how I've wished that Ian was out of the picture. I never wanted him to hurt you."

"I know. I haven't made up my mind yet. It's difficult because I still love him."

"Right. Sure, of course you still love him."

Nate was so damn understanding. Couldn't he show me just a little selfishness?

"I'm here for you in whatever capacity you need me to be."

"Thank you Nate. I'll call you soon."

"I'll sleep with my phone on the pillow."

"Bye." I hung up.

Burns chuckled.

"What's so funny?"

"You know Nate is doing a little jig right now."

"Oh, no he's not."

"_I_ would be so I'm sure he is."

Burns and I took care of business at the shuttle port. We also went to the hospital and picked up some supplies. Then we headed to the hotel to sleep. Since we were both able to go to the check in counter we got a room with two beds. The next day we shopped for food and Burns had a good time pretending to be my husband. He was silly. He even kissed me on the cheek in the store. This was best I had felt since the incident. It was easy hanging out with Burns. When we got back to the caverns, Ian was there waiting for me.

"I wanted to get some exercise so I thought I would run the van back to the wash after we unloaded the groceries. Would you like to accompany me?"

"Honestly? I'm a little tired." The truth was I didn't want to be alone with him out there in the desert. I knew he would question me about my conversation with Nate and I didn't want to talk about it with him.

"I'll go with you." Brandt offered. He had been on guard duty.

Ian and Brandt drove off and I sighed with relief. I helped to carry the groceries into the kitchen. I was putting things away when Kyle came in sporting a cut up fat lip. He had obviously been punched in the mouth after I had left. I was horrified.

"Ian did this to you?"

Kyle smiled. "Yeah but I asked him to. I told him I'd give him one shot. He didn't really want to do it but I sort of provoked him."

"That doesn't matter." I walked away shaking my head.

"Look, I wanted him to do it so Sunny would take me back. I knew if she saw me broken and bloodied, she'd be quicker to forgive," he said as he tried to reason with me.

"Get away from me, Kyle." I stormed off. I went looking for Burns. I went to the one place I figured he'd be. I went to Lily's room.

"Knock, knock." I yelled.

"Wanda, come in." Lily opened her door.

"Burns I'm going back to the mountain with you and I want to leave as soon as possible, tonight even."

"Wanda, we just got back. I'd like to spend the night with my girl. Can we leave tomorrow night?"

I was being selfish. I surely didn't want to take away from his time with Lily. "Sure. That would probably be best. You two have a good night."

I went to find Maggie next. I wanted to tell her that I was leaving and that I needed her to make sure Ian didn't do anything stupid. By the time Ian came back to the caverns I was sitting in our room in the middle of the mattress. I had my head between my hands and I was looking down at the blanket. I did not look up when he entered the room.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"You hit Kyle?" I spoke in a low tone.

"He wanted me to."

"How am I supposed to _not_ be afraid of you when all you do is hit people and walls and break cell phones. That's the second one you've broken by the way."

"I'm sorry."

I looked up at Ian. "I can't do this anymore. I'm going to the mountain," I said in anguish.

"I'm coming with you," he offered.

"No. I don't _want_ you to come with me," I said emphatically.

"Why, so you can be with Nate?" His jealousy was easy to see.

"Are you going to hurt me because Jeb is coming here right now." It was a lie but I thought it might be enough to protect me.

Ian walked to the wall and slid down until he was sitting. "You're breaking up with me?"

I started to cry. "I need time Ian."

"I thought we were going to work on this together," he pleaded.

"You want more than I can give right now. If I go to the mountain, you can spend some much needed time with your family. You and Kyle need to resolve your issues."

His eyes were filled with tears just waiting to spill over. "And you get to spend time with Nate." It wasn't a question but it required an answer.

"Yes." I spoke only barely louder than a whisper.

Ian put his head down and he started to cry. His body heaved with each sob. "I've lost you."

"Ian, I love you and I haven't made that decision but you were right so many months ago when you told me to spend time with Nate before I made up my mind but I was so hooked on your perfection that I couldn't see it." I was surprised that I was keeping it together.

"Will you promise me one thing?"

"Only if you make a promise to me in return."

My stomach was in knots. I was already hurting inside at the thought of not having Ian in my life. Ian slid over towards me and grabbed my face gently. He looked intense. "Promise me you won't make love to him in our bed?"

"I promise. I need you to promise me that you won't come looking for me. Stay here with your family until I decide to come back here."

He released my face and started to cry again. He was so broken. I couldn't stand it. I grabbed his face and I kissed him. He kissed me back. His lips were on fire. I could taste the salt from our tears. He gripped my face and after a minute he pushed me back onto the bed and he was on top of me. He was chewing on my lips which sent me into a frenzy. I couldn't stop touching his marvelous body. I wanted him so badly but I knew it would be wrong.

"Stop." I murmured but he kept kissing me. "Ian, stop!" He stopped. We were both panting.

"Let me make love to you one last time."

I pulled my shaking hand up to cover my eyes. "I can't!" I was hysterical.

He pulled me to a sitting position. "I'm sorry."

He got up to leave the room.

"Ian don't go," I pleaded. I had never been so torn in all my lives.

"You can't have it both ways. It's all or nothing with me, remember? _This_ is torture."

Ian was right. I was torturing him. I cried myself to sleep. In the morning, I didn't know what to do. I was afraid to leave the room for fear I would run into Ian. I lay in the bed wishing the day would pass quickly. Sunny was the first one to come looking for me.

"Can I come in?"

"Sure, Sunny."

She sat on the bed. "You're leaving." It wasn't a question. It was a statement so she must have talked to Ian.

"How is he doing?"

"Not good. He's in the game room lying on the couch. His mom said he cried all night. I don't think he's slept."

"What should I do?"

"I don't know. He just keeps saying 'I've lost her.'"

"I have to go to him before he does something stupid. It was lack of sleep that made him hurt me in the first place."

I went with Sunny to the game room. His mom met me at the door.

"Maggie, what should I do?"

"Is this the end for him and you? Because if it is, you should walk away now. If there is still a chance that you will choose him, then give him that hope."

I entered the game room. It was dimly lit. "Ian, can I come in?"

"Why? You want to torture me some more?"

"No! I don't want to torture you but I want you to know that I haven't made any decisions. I am still in love with you. I just need to know that it's you that I should be with."

"Look, I'm really tired and I'm really bitter and I don't want to say something that I will regret."

"Then don't say anything." I knelt down by the side of the couch and I stroked his hair. "Sleep." His back was to me because he was facing the back of the couch. I put my head on the back of his shoulder and continued to stroke his hair. "Sleep." It didn't take too long for him to surrender to his exhaustion. Even after he fell asleep his body still jumped like a baby who had cried himself to sleep. After I was sure he was under I tiptoed out of the room.

"He's asleep," I said to Maggie. "When he wakes, if he wants to say good bye tell him I would like that."

I spent the rest of the day explaining to my friends that I was leaving because I needed to figure some things out and I couldn't do it with Ian pushing me. I didn't see Ian all day so I assumed he was sleeping. At dinner, I hung with Sunny and Kyle. I made it clear to Kyle that he and Ian needed to clear up some issues that obviously Ian had been carrying with him for a very long time. I also told him to keep a close eye on Ian.

After dinner there was still no sign of him. I went to my room and packed all of my clothes for the trip. I went to the bathing room and freshened up. I met Burns back at the entrance to the caverns.

"Are you ready?" Burns asked.

"I guess."

"Hey, if you don't want to go, I'm willing to stay for a while."

"No. I was just hoping…"

"It's probably too painful for him to say goodbye."

"Yeah, you're right."

We stepped out into the desert and began to jog. The further we got from the caverns the more emotional I got. Tears were streaming down my face. We were just entering the garage when I heard him. Ian was calling my name. I wanted to run to him, but the last time I did that I nearly died. I stood there clutching Burns by the arm.

Ian ran right up to me panting because he had been in a full out sprint the entire way to catch us. "I wanted to see you one last time," he said trying to catch his breath.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know. I thought it would be too painful for you."

Ian reached out and wiped away the tears that had run down my face. "I love you." He grabbed my head and pressed his lips to mine. I grabbed his arms and held on tight as I kissed him back. He pressed his forehead to mine as he spoke. "You do what you have to do but remember I am here and I am waiting for you. If you want to talk to me tell Lily when she calls Burns and I swear I'll run out to call no matter how late it is."

I was crying. "Promise me you won't do anything to hurt yourself or Kyle. Will you please promise me that?"

"I promise you that the whole time you are gone I will be working on my anger and my jealousy issues so when you come back to me, and you _will, _I have to believe that; I'll be everything you fell in love with."

"I can't go." I wrapped my arms around him.

"You have to go." He pulled my arms from around him.

He helped me into the jeep. I couldn't look back as we drove away. I was sobbing so hard I couldn't see. I wasn't sure if we were driving towards or away from my future.


	28. Chapter 28

**I put up a forum. I figured some of you might want to get in on the discussion. Here is the link:**

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Looking forward to hearing your opinion!

**I also want to thank a few readers/reviewers that I can't respond to: Ian, Annabelle, and Holly – I would love the opportunity to chat with each of you. Maybe the forum is a good way to accomplish that. Laziness, thanks for the kind words!**

**I hope you enjoy the chapter, y'all!**

COURTSHIP

BURNS IN TRUE STYLE DIDN'T SPEAK A WORD until we reached the truck and he helped me in.

"We can still go back," he offered.

"No."

I cried for a long time and then I fell asleep. I woke up in the morning. It was still early and a cold front was rolling in. It was windy. We stopped at a small town and went to eat breakfast. We switched places and Burns slouched down in the seat and pulled the baseball hat he was wearing down over his eyes. It had a big 'W' on it.

"Is that Ian's hat?"

"Yep," he said as he folded his arms over his chest. "Ian asked me to give it to you along with a letter he wrote. But you're only supposed to read the letter after you've gone to the next level with Nate, if you know what I mean."

"Why didn't you tell me this?"

"Well first you were crying and then you were sleeping," he said flatly.

"I want that hat."

"I'm using it."

I didn't bother to respond. I let him use it… for now.

I needed to call Nate. He answered in his usual way.

"Good morning Beautiful. You must be coming home."

"How did you know?"

"It's daytime. Your calls are always at night unless you are on the road. I just hoped you were coming this way."

"Well, I _am_ coming your way."

"Anything I can do for you before you get here?"

"No. Just know that it was a very emotional good bye."

"I understand that. I'm not going to pounce on you. I've got a little more class than that."

I sighed. "Have you got any ice cream? I think I could eat about a gallon."

"Your wish is my command." He paused for a moment. "I was just thinking."

"What's that?"

"It's good to be king."

I laughed. I hadn't had a good laugh in at nearly a week and Nate was already putting me in a good mood and I hadn't even gotten there yet.

"How soon before you get here?"

"We left last night and I'm driving. Burns is supposed to be asleep but he's listening to our conversation."

Burns spoke from under the baseball hat. "Am not!"

"Anyway, we should be there tomorrow night some time because I want to stop and get a decent night's rest if that's possible."

"Your chamber shall be ready milady."

We arrived the next evening just as I had told Nate. When we pulled in I had expected Nate to be waiting. He wasn't. There was a note on my door.

Dear Wanda,

I had a busy day today preparing for your arrival. I decided that I should get my rest so I would be fresh when I see you. Take a long hot bath. It will help. I hope you sleep well. I'll see you in the morning.

Love,

Nate

It was late and the house was empty except for me and Burns. I decided to follow up on Nate's advice and take a nice long bath. He was right. It was soothing. I fell asleep quickly and slept better than I would have thought.

It was a knock on the door that woke me. "Wanda, it's Nate. Are you all right?"

"Nate, come in."

"It's eleven o'clock. I was afraid something might be wrong. Burns has been up for two hours."

"No. I'm fine. I guess I just needed the sleep."

"Well, the thing is…I was planning on making you breakfast." I couldn't keep myself from yawning. "But if you are still tired, I can come back later."

"No, you go ahead. I'll be in the kitchen in a few minutes."

"I was going to serve it to you in bed."

I pulled my hands through my hair in an effort to look presentable. "I don't think that is such a great idea."

"Why?"

"The last time you did this, it was for me and…" I couldn't say his name out loud.

"Oh, I'm so stupid."

"It's okay. I'll be there in a few." I smiled weakly at him.

"Okay. I'll be waiting."

As soon as he left I pulled the pillow over my head. I had been awake all of a minute and I was already thinking about Ian. Nate was in the kitchen making me breakfast and here I was wishing Ian was here with me. I missed his playfulness in the morning.

I got up and put on my robe. I went to the bathroom and freshened up. I stayed in my robe and sauntered into the kitchen. Nate brought me a cup of fresh coffee.

"Have a seat. This one's on me."

Nate served enough food to feed both me and Ian had he been here. Sausage, French toast, eggs, and bacon.

"You expect me to eat all this?"

"Well, I wasn't sure what you liked so I thought whatever you didn't want, I would eat."

"You really covered all your bases didn't you?"

He looked at me with his beautiful piercing dark eyes. "Is that bad?"

"No. Of course not. You're just so thorough."

He sat in the chair across from me. He watched me eat. It felt weird.

"Aren't you going to eat?"

"I'd rather watch you eat."

"Nate, you're creeping me out."

"Sorry, you're just so beautiful."

"You know, I've been thinking about that."

He chuckled. "I think about it all the time."

"That's what I mean. What if…" I took a bite of my sausage before I finished my sentence. "What if I traded this body in for something a little older and a little more…you know…normal?"

He creased his eyebrows. "Why would you do that?"

"Well Ian has always been so jealous. If I became _your_ girlfriend, what's to say you wouldn't be just as jealous? If I was a little less appealing then maybe I could actually have a normal relationship."

He shook his head in disbelief. "That's crazy. Maybe you should go back to bed."

"Okay. You're right. I'm going back to bed," I joked.

He raised his eyebrow. "You want me to come with you?"

"I thought you weren't going to pounce."

"Well, if you're inviting me then that's a different story."

"I'm not inviting you. I'm just going to get dressed," I said solemnly.

"Good. I want to take you out to the schoolhouse so you can say hi to the kids and check it out."

"Okay."

So, Nate cleaned up the kitchen while I cleaned up myself. I decided against putting on make up since I was already _so _beautiful. As we walked to the new building now dubbed the schoolhouse, he kept the conversation pleasant and light. I half expected him to put his arm around me but he didn't and I was glad he was respecting my limits. When we entered the schoolhouse, Maxim was teaching the older kids algebra and Miranda was working with the younger kids on a project.

Nate knocked before we entered. "Excuse us, mind if we come in and observe?"

"No Nate, come on in."

When I entered the kids all looked surprised. Blake spoke up. "Wanda is Coach back?" he asked eagerly.

Nate answered the question for me. "Sorry kids. Coach is visiting his parents back at the caverns. He'll return soon enough."

Their faces dropped in disappointment. The room fell silent. Nate walked around the room and told me some of the things they had done to create a space that was efficient but I wasn't really listening. I was thinking about Ian and how wonderful he was with the children. Just yesterday I was envisioning him losing his temper with our own children and hurting them like he did to me. These children adored him. He was tough on them but he was never cruel. How could I deny him being a father?

"Wanda?" I snapped out of my Ian daydream.

"Sorry Nate."

"Where were you?"

"Nowhere, I'm fine."

"Would you like to take a walk?"

"Sure."

We left the schoolhouse and walked into the woods. We came to a little creek and he took my hand and my elbow to help me safely across. He was always the gentleman. After a while we stopped and he leaned against a tree and folded his arms over his chest.

"So what is your purpose here and what exactly is my role in all of this?"

"Hmmm. My purpose here is to figure out what I want."

"And _my_ role?"

"I don't know. I guess I'm giving you the opportunity to pursue me…if that's what you want."

"I see." He remained up against the tree and he looked down at the ground. I could see that he was deep in thought. Finally he looked up. "What is your status with Ian?"

"My status…that's a good question." I wasn't sure how to answer it.

"Well, you are still wearing your engagement ring," he pointed out.

I looked at my hand and I hadn't even realized I was still wearing it.

"So, did you break off you're engagement?" he asked.

"I didn't exactly say that in so many words. He did ask me if I was breaking up with him."

"What did you say?"

"I don't remember. I know he cried and I cried. I told him I needed to come here and he needed to stay there. He knows I am here with you. He knows I am giving you your chance."

He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck as if he were trying to massage away stress. "It's difficult for me to approach you while you're wearing that rock."

I took the ring off of my left hand and I put it on the right hand. "Is this better?"

"For now. Maybe you would consider leaving it in your room?" he suggested.

I was perched on a large fallen tree trunk. He came over to me and held out his hand. I reached out and he took my hand in his and we walked back to the house. When we got to the back steps he stopped. "I have some things I need to attend to. I'll see you at dinner if that's okay with you."

"Sure, dinner." He was holding both of my hands in his. He leaned in to kiss me and I froze. He paused then he smiled and kissed me on the cheek.

As he walked away he turned back to me. "I'll teach you how to play pool!"

Dinner at the mountain was always a much bigger project than at the caverns. The best part was dinner was now served in the schoolroom which was also the dining hall. I sat with Nate and Burns and Megan and Sarah and Victoria and Danny. Sarah sat next to Nate and tried very hard to monopolize his time. He was very sweet about it. He put his arm around her and kissed her on the forehead. She just about exploded with excitement. After dinner I volunteered to help with the dishes since I hadn't done anything else all day. I was going to at least clean my room but Nate had it all cleaned up before I arrived. When I was done with the dishes, I went to the house and Nate was watching TV with the youngsters.

"Ah, there you are. Let's go play some pool."

We headed back to the new building which was now the official game room. The building that had been specifically built for my wedding was now being used as a schoolhouse by day, dining hall for dinner, and game room at night. Even if my wedding were to never happen, the building was a welcome addition to the community and Ian was the mastermind behind the whole thing. Again my thoughts went to Ian and his great talent for working with his hands. I remembered his hands on my face before I left, his promise that he would wait for me.

Nate finished racking up the balls. "So, now I'm going to teach you how to smoke a pool table."

With each shot, he stood behind me and maneuvered the pool cue to show me the angles I needed to use. There was a lot of touching going on. There were times when he was close and I could smell him and he smelled nice. The conversation was light and easy. At the end of the evening he walked me to the front porch of the house because Burns as still up watching TV in the living room. We sat on the porch.

"You know the last time we sat on this porch I kissed you."

"I remember."

"You ran away. Why _did _you run away? You could have just kept your mouth shut and that would have been the end of it."

"I ran away because I felt guilty."

"Why did you feel guilty? I kissed you."

"I felt guilty because I liked it." It was the first time that I admitted it to him.

He cocked his head to the side and he smiled his cute smile. "So, you liked it?"

"That's what I said," I said meekly.

"Well, maybe you'll get lucky and I'll kiss you again." He tapped his hand on my thigh. "I'll see you in the morning. It's your turn to make breakfast. I like pancakes."

I couldn't help but smile as he walked away.

I rose and went inside. Burns was on the couch. "So, how's the romance going?" he asked without looking up from his program. I plopped on the couch next to Burns and put my head on his shoulder.

"He's very sweet."

"But…" It was almost as if Burns could read my mind.

"I don't know. I thought about Ian a lot today."

"Well, maybe tomorrow it will get easier."

"Maybe." In truth I didn't want it to get easier. I missed him. "I'm going to bed."

He kissed me on the forehead. "Sleep well little sister."

When I finally got myself in my sleep clothes and nestled in the bed, I felt hollow inside. Nate had taken the other pillow off the bed. I needed to find it. I couldn't erase Ian. I went to the closet and pulled it out. I put it on the bed and I wrapped myself around it and cried myself to sleep. That night I had another nightmare. I woke up and Burns was in my room trying to wake me.

"Wanda, wake up baby, you're having a nightmare."

When I realized where I was and who I was with I got up onto my knees and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Oh Burns, it was horrible! I was walking down the aisle in my wedding dress and Ian was standing there. He was waiting for me. Just as he was about take my hand Nate came out of nowhere and he stabbed Ian in the heart. He threw me over his shoulder and he was running back down the aisle with me. I could see Ian lying at the altar bleeding. I couldn't get to him!" I was crying.

"That explains why you were screaming out his name. When I first woke up I thought he was here trying to hurt you."

"Right now, I wish he _was _here."

"Well, you lie down and go back to sleep."

"Will you stay with me?"

Burns looked a little uneasy. "Sure, if you want me to. Let me go get my blanket." He went to his room and came back with his blanket. He laid on top of _my_ blanket and covered himself with his. He spooned me and wrapped his arm around my waist.

"Thank you, Burns."

In the morning when I woke Burns was gone. I didn't know if he stayed until I fell asleep or if he stayed all night. When I exited the bedroom, Nate was sitting in the living room watching TV.

"Good morning, Beautiful!" he said cheerfully.

"You're up early."

"I'm waiting for my pancakes."

I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth and hair and then headed back to the bedroom. I changed into my pink sweats. I looked down at the ring on my hand. I took it off and opened the drawer to put it in but then I slid it back on. It would have been like putting the pillow in the closet. I wasn't ready for that yet.

As I passed through the living room and into the kitchen I announced, "I'm really not opposed to help."

Nate jumped off the couch. "Your wish is my command."

Nate had already set up the bowl and the pancake mix. The water was sitting in a cup ready to be poured into the bowl. The pan was on the stove.

I placed my hands on the counter. "You covered all the bases again."

"Yeah, can't help it. I'm the proverbial planner and schemer."

He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist and put his chin on my shoulder. "You're having nightmares?" he said softly.

"How did you know?"

"I saw Burns come out of your room this morning wearing only his boxers. It kinda caught my attention."

"I was upset. He stayed with me."

"Well, I could stay with you tonight if you want." He turned me around to face him and pulled my hair away from my face. "You know, to protect you from those bad dreams."

"I made a promise. You'll never sleep in that room."

"Who said anything about sleep?" He shot me his famous smile.

"Nate, stop." I pushed him in the mid section gently and turned back to the pancakes.

He clapped his together. "O-kay…How about some coffee?"

After breakfast we went on another little walk in the woods. This time he held my hand as we walked. He was always easy to talk to. Often he pointed out things in the woods that I wouldn't have noticed like nests and dens and snake holes. He had a keen eye. By the time we got back to the house he again took my hands in his. "I'm going to go help the guys with the second building. We've decided to make four rooms and add a bathroom. I'll see you at dinner?"

"Sure. I've got some things to do today. I actually have a lot of dirty laundry I brought back with me."

"Good." He nodded his head but he was staring at my lips. He hesitated and then he leaned in slowly to see my reaction. I leaned to his lips and he kissed me. It wasn't a peck but it only lasted a few seconds. As he pulled back he licked his bottom lip as if to savor the taste. "Later then."

I went inside and did the dishes. Then I gathered all of my laundry and headed to the root cellar. As I entered, I noticed that the walls had been replaced and Victoria was inside drawing a huge abstract painting of three women sitting with what looked like a large mountain behind them. The women were older and weathered.

She greeted me. "Hi."

"Hi." I was still marveling at the wall. "When did all this happen?"

"A couple of days ago before you came. Nate said he wanted to get rid of the bad memories. He gave me Cart Blanche to do whatever I wanted with it."

"It's nice. What made you decide to draw three women and a mountain?"

"Actually it's not a mountain. It's a volcano…in Guatemala. The women live there in that remote village. I haven't done it justice but it's a work in progress."

Again Nate had covered all the bases. He tried to wipe out the memories of Ian but the fact that the blood stained walls were gone still made me think of him. I rubbed my ring with my left hand.

That evening we were supposed to have baseball practice but it rained so Nate and I watched TV on the couch with some of the others. He put his arm around me and I snuggled into his side. It was nice. Everything about Nate was nice. I had to remind myself that a normal life without the drama was what I wanted. It was Saturday night so some of the older kids were staying up to watch a late movie. I was tired and so was Nate. I walked him out the back door to say goodbye.

When we got to the bottom of the steps he put his arms around my waist and leaned back to look at me. He creased his eyebrows.

"What?" I didn't know what could be bothering him.

"You're not ready to give that ring up yet, huh?"

"I'm sorry. It's _such_ a beautiful ring." I said in my defense.

"It _is_ that." He smiled his brilliant smile.

"I'll see you in the morning?"

"Try and stop me." He backed away and took my hands. He pulled each of them up to his lips and kissed them. He did a half bow and turned and walked away.

I felt good tonight. I fell asleep quickly and slept without nightmares. In the morning Nate was waiting for me as usual. After breakfast he walked me to the baseball field rather than the woods.

"I wanted you to see this because I didn't want you to be surprised at practice."

"What?"

He held my hand and led me into one of the dugouts. On the back wall, Victoria had drawn a portrait of Ian holding a bat. It wasn't the best picture but considering she had drawn it from memory it was pretty good. It was obviously Ian. I took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry I told her she could do whatever she wanted."

"It's okay. I guess he _should_ be on this wall. This is _his_ field," I admitted.

Nate wasn't smiling. His face conveyed apprehension. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay." But I wasn't. Seeing his face again brought back all the desperate longing I had pushed to the back of my mind.

Nate took my hand and walked me back to the house.

"Burns wants you to go with him to get some groceries and after dinner, we were going to have practice. Burns is going to stand in as coach."

"That's why you showed me the picture."

"Yes. I figured you'd want to practice with the kids. Show your commitment to them." He smiled. "I'll see you when you get back?"

"Sure, are you going to work on the building?"

"No, I have other commitments today. Besides, Burns needs to get some supplies for the building as well."

He kissed me quickly on the lips and walked away. He turned around in a full circle to smile and wave at me.

Burns and I had our usual awesome time food shopping. If he was like this with Lily I could see how she could fall for him so easily.

After dinner, practice went smoothly. Burns wasn't as tough on the kids as Ian was so they had a habit of goofing off. A few times, I had to get them back in line citing that they wouldn't want me to call Coach and report their bad behavior. Most of the kids didn't know about me and Nate as a couple. They assumed the snuggling on the couch was just friendship. Anything else we had done was when we were alone. Nate was very careful not to flaunt our relationship. After practice we went to the game room and played poker with some of the regulars which included Victoria and Holly. Holly kept giving me weird looks. I wondered if she knew what was going on or if it was just her general hatred of me.

At the end of the night, Nate walked me to the front porch again. It was a chilly night; a sign that fall was almost here. He didn't sit but walked to the top of the stairs towing me behind him. "Today was a good day."

"Yes, it was."

"I've been trying really hard to give you time to heal. Every time I'm with you it's a battle to not kiss you. Wanda, I want you to know I'm losing this battle."

He pulled my hair way from my face and tucked it behind my ear. He leaned in slowly. He pressed his lips gently to mine and then opened his lips to kiss me again. I put my arms around his back and pulled him towards me. He kissed me passionately as he held the back of my head. His tongue pierced my lips and rolled around mine. My heart was beating fast and I was enjoying the moment. Slowly he brought the kiss to a close.

He stared into my eyes. "Do you want to run away?"

I shook my head gently. "No."

"Good." He kissed me again. As he kissed me he let his hand fall to my breast. I put my hands in his hair and held his head so I could control the kiss. I wanted him to bite my lips the way that Ian always had but he kept his tongue in my mouth darting and playing with mine. When we stopped we were sucked in a deep breath and clutched each other.

"How would you feel if I made love to you right here on this porch?" he said softly.

"Cold?"

He laughed. His dark eyes were sparkling. "Well, I guess I can wait another night." He kissed me one more time but kept the passion to a minimum before he whispered, "Good night, Beautiful."

I went in the house and I was on cloud nine. For the first time I was thinking only about Nate. Burns was sitting on the couch.

"Are you waiting up for me?" I teased him.

"Do I need to wait up for you?" he teased back.

"Maybe."

"You seem happy tonight."

"I am."

"I just got off the phone with Lily."

His words were like a trigger. All of my happy feelings for Nate were gone in a flash as I thought about getting information on Ian. "How is he?"

"Lily says he's like a robot. Sunny went out and bought him a weight bench. She said it would be therapeutic for him as well as a way for him and Kyle to bond. Lily says he looks like an inmate. She said he hasn't shaved since you left. He eats, sleeps, works when Jeb asks him to, and benches weights."

"So, he hasn't hurt anyone, Kyle in particular."

"Not that I'm aware of."

"Good. I'm going to bed."

Before I went to sleep, I decided it was time to take off my ring and put it in the drawer. I had a hard time falling asleep because I kept picturing Ian in jail. It was his own personal jail but it was still hard to imagine him being so down all the time. I remembered how I felt when it was me playing the part of the robot. It was mind numbing.

Again I was roused awake by Burns in the middle of the night. This time my dream was of me walking down the aisle in my wedding dress. Again Ian was waiting for me at the altar. This time _I_ pulled the knife from my bouquet and thrust it into Ian's heart. He looked at me with disbelief that I had betrayed him as he fell clutching his chest and I turned and ran down the aisle to Nate. It was like I was watching from the sideline and I couldn't stop myself even though I was screaming.

"It's okay, it was just another bad dream," Burns whispered as he soothed me.

"I broke it off with Ian. Why am I still having these dreams?"

"You can break off the relationship but you can't disconnect your conscience, not as long as you love him." He held me in his arms. "Do you want me to stay with you again?"

"No. I'll be all right."

As soon as Burns left I went to the drawer and opened it. My ring was still there just as I had left it. I picked it up and I swear the two blue sapphires were staring at me. I put the ring back on my right hand and climbed into bed.

The following morning I woke up early before Nate had arrived. I went in the bathroom and took a nice long bath. When I came out the house was still quiet. I went into the kitchen and made a pot of coffee. There were fresh vegetables in the fridge so I made omelets. Burns came into the kitchen first so I gave him the first omelet.

"This is for being my dream chaser."

"Thanks."

A few minutes later Nate entered the kitchen. He was surprised I was up so early.

"You were so excited to see me you couldn't sleep?"

I shot a warning glance at Burns and then smiled at Nate. "Yes, I missed your charm and wit."

"Well, you look beautiful today as always."

He sat in the chair and as I walked past him to the sink; he grabbed me and pulled into his lap. "Tonight, I am going to cook you dinner and dessert will be at the cave, so please dress appropriately."

"That's a little demanding, isn't it?"

"I think it's my turn to be demanding but I promise you'll make out in the long run."

"Okay. Are you going to work on the building today?"

"If it's okay with you." Again his eyes sparkled as he flashed his brilliant smile.

"It's okay."

"Good. I have to get going since I'm leaving early to cook your dinner. I hope you like Italian food."

"I love Italian food." I got up and leaned over and kissed him on the lips. Today I felt like his girlfriend.

I kept myself busy throughout the day and when Nate came in to cook, I decided I wanted to help. We cooked together and it was fun. There was lots of touching and flirting and the cooking was peppered with little kisses as well the occasional make out session. Dinner was delicious. After we cleaned up I took his arm and we walked to the cave. I didn't know what exactly was for dessert or if he meant that making love _was_ the dessert. I wasn't sure if I was ready to take the next step as Burns called it.

I thought he would take me to his room but he took me to the place where the stars were. He had a picnic basket and a blanket laid out. He bade me to sit on the blanket and he sat next to me. He opened the picnic basket and produced a plate with fresh strawberries and whipped cream.

"Now I brought dessert but the rule of thumb is that you can't feed yourself. You can only feed me and I can only feed you." He picked up the strawberry and dipped it into the tub of Cool Whip. "Open up Beautiful."

I opened my mouth and he held it to my lips. As I bit down on the strawberry some of the whipped cream smeared onto the tip of my nose.

"Let me get that," he said and he used his finger to swipe the cream away. He licked his finger. "Mmmm, tastes almost as good as you," he quipped.

"Now your turn," I said before he could feed me another. Just as he had let the cream wash over my nose, I did the same to him. Instead of using my finger I leaned forward and licked it away. He leaned forward and kissed me. I welcomed the kiss. He slowly pushed me down onto the blanket and he was above me. The make out session began. Whatever scent he was wearing was intoxicating. He gently ran his fingers along my face as he kissed me. If I had been a rabid dog, his gentle caress would have soothed me. After a while he finally stopped kissing me and laid next to me on the blanket. We were facing each other staring into each others eyes.

"Wow." I whispered.

"Did you like that?" he asked still caressing my face with his knuckles.

"Uh-huh."

"Good." Silence followed and we rolled onto our backs and stared out at the stars. After a few minutes Nate rolled towards me and spoke. "I wish I could see the real you."

"You might not like it."

He stroked my hair as he spoke. "I've been thinking about that actually. On earth, we've always thought of the soul as the life force of the body. It is not something you can touch but without it there would be nothing but an empty shell. It's what makes a person who they are. If they took you out of that body, would the body come back to life?"

"No."

"Then I would see a true soul and it would be real. How could that not be beautiful?"

He always said the right thing. "Kiss me."

He did as he was told. Again his hand caressed me but this time it was my breast. After another ten minutes he stopped.

"I need to get Cinderella home before I turn into an ogre." He got up and pulled me to my feet.

"Why? I was having a good time," I protested.

"Because…another five minutes and I'll be ripping your clothes off. I have only but so much control."

"Thank you for being honest about it."

"Thank you for giving me tonight."

Nate walked me to the back door. The house was jumping because it was Saturday night and the kids were up late watching a horror movie.

"I should take my leave," he said still being careful not to broadcast our budding romance. "I'll see you at breakfast?"

"Sure but no pancakes."

"No pancakes?" He gave me the puppy dog eyes.

"How about omelets?"

"I'm hungry already." He smiled and kissed my palms. "Good night Beautiful."

"Good night."


	29. Chapter 29

**Holly, in your last review you mimicked my sentiments exactly. Thank you.**

"**The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched; they must be felt with the heart." ~ ~ Helen Keller**

THE PAINFUL TRUTH

THE NEXT FEW DAYS WITH NATE were filled with sweet moments. Nate always showed up to eat breakfast and then he would go about whatever he had to do for the day. He was always clean and fresh by dinner time. We spent most nights in the game room either playing pool which I was getting better at or playing cards with some of the others. I tried very hard not to think about Ian but I couldn't bring myself to take off the ring. Burns talked to Lily twice more and each time I inquired about Ian I was told that he was still the same.

It was Wednesday evening. Nate and I were in the game room playing pool when my phone rang. I immediately went into a panic that it might be something bad. I answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hi, did you forget about us?" It was Sunny.

"Hi, no I wanted to call you but I knew I wouldn't get through."

I left Nate standing at the pool table and exited the building. I walked out into the cool night air so I could talk privately.

"Is Ian all right?"

"Well that depends on what you mean by all right. You know, he goes with Lily every time she comes out to call Burns in the hopes that you might want to talk to him."

"Burns didn't tell me that."

"Burns didn't know. He always says he just wants the exercise but we all know the truth. I wish you would talk to him."

"I don't know what to say to him. I'm trying to move on with my life."

"Don't you love him anymore?"

The lump in my throat was forming fast. "I have to go."

"He's with me now," she said quickly before I could hang up.

"He is?" My heart began to race.

"Yes would you like to speak to him?"

I fell silent. I did want to talk to him but then again I didn't.

"Wanda?"

"I can't." I hung up.

I went back into the game room. Nate was watching the others play cards. He tried not to approach me too quickly. I went to him. "I'm going to call it a night."

He seemed concerned. "Did you talk to Ian?"

"No, I couldn't."

"You should have."

We walked outside and continued the conversation.

"Why? I'm here with you."

"Are you? You just said you were calling it a night." He had me.

"Ian. I'm doing the best I can."

"I'm not Ian."

"Crap! I'm sorry!" I turned and bolted for the house.

"Wanda!" he called out but I didn't stop.

As I shut the door to my room my phone rang. I assumed it was Nate. I answered quickly. "I'm sorry Nate; I just need to be alone right now."

"Wanderer I know you don't want to talk to me but…"

"Ian?"

"Yes."

I started to sob.

"What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"I don't know! I'm so confused!"

"I'm not. I love you so much."

"Why? Why do you love me?" I demanded.

"I love you because I realized that ever since the takeover I've merely existed and I don't know why. I don't want to exist anymore, I want to live...and it's all because of you."

"I'm not worth living for." I thought about his frame of mind and quickly amended my words. "Or dying for."

"Have you fallen in love with Nate?"

"I don't know," I said truthfully.

"Oh," he said in a quiet voice.

Again I thought about his delicate frame of mind and the fact that he was out in the desert with Sunny and he could easily do something stupid and it would be all my fault. "I only know that I haven't stopped loving you so it is difficult for me to…"

He didn't let me finish my sentence. "You still love me then?" I could hear the hope in his voice.

"Yes, I still love you," I admitted through my tears.

"I miss you. Come home."

"I can't." I hung up.

That night I cried myself to sleep and I had horrible dreams. I didn't wake up screaming but I did wake up. I dreamed that Ian and Nate where on either side of me and they were pulling me and I could feel my body being torn in half. It was painful. When I woke I realized that the pain was in my heart. I loved them both. I couldn't deny it.

In the morning, Nate didn't come to the house for breakfast. I had hurt him and I couldn't bear it because he had done nothing to deserve it. I needed to find him. I needed to make things right. I hoped he was working on the building. I dressed and put on make up. It was a warm day. I could hear the hammering so I knew they were working. I only hoped Nate was with them.

I entered the building and Nate was with Burns and Evan hammering the framework for the walls.

"Nate!" I called out.

He looked up and saw me. He had nails in his mouth. "In a minute," he called back, the nails still secure between his lips.

He finished hammering the last two nails and then came to me. He ran his fingers through his hair in an effort to look presentable.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. "I'm sorry for acting like such a jerk last night."

"It's OK. You said you wanted to call it a night. You needed some space. I get that."

I looked at his beautiful smiling face. "What did I ever do to deserve you?"

"You mean besides steal my heart?"

I kissed him hard in front of Burns and in front of Evan who before this moment had no idea of our involvement.

"You missed breakfast," I whispered.

"There's always lunch."

I smiled big. "Lunch is on me." I released him. "Bring your friends."

I started to walk away and I turned back to see him smiling brightly as he stood there and watched me.

The next two days we were very playful. He even danced with me one morning while we attempted to cook breakfast. He was an excellent dancer. Almost as good as he was at kissing. That night as we sat on the front porch snuggling in the moonlight, Nate suddenly made an announcement. "I could get used to this."

"Me too."

"Tomorrow, I want to have dinner with you."

"We have dinner every day together."

"No, I mean like a date… a real date. In the dining room at six?"

"Everyone will be there."

"No, I mean the dining room in the house."

"Your wish is my command." I mimicked him.

I went to sleep happy but again the wedding dream returned. Again Burns was there to wake me up. I found it particularly upsetting because I hadn't given Ian much thought throughout the entire day. It seemed that even if I blocked him from my conscious mind, my subconscious wouldn't let go. Burns offered to stay with me and I accepted his offer mostly because I missed having someone to hold me.

In the morning I woke and Nate was on the bed stroking my hair.

"Nate what are you doing here?"

"My best friend is running around in his boxers again. Still having bad dreams?"

"Not as often," I said trying to ease his fears.

"You get dressed. I'll make the coffee."

That day I went to town with Burns because I wanted to stop in and see Fluttering. I was tired of being bored and shopping at Home Depot wasn't exactly what I considered to be fun. She cut my hair and I hung out with her until he returned from his mission to buy supplies for the building. I dressed for dinner in my outfit that I wore to the club because I wanted to look extra special for him. As I entered the kitchen his eyes widened.

"You look beyond beautiful. Stunning," he said with enthusiasm.

"Thank you. You don't look so bad yourself." He was wearing a pair of dress pants and a beautiful blue dress shirt open at the collar. The color set off his gorgeous dark eyes.

He served dinner. He prepared steaks complete with side orders of onions and mushrooms along with baked potatoes and asparagus. It was delicious. After dinner he suggested we take a walk to help digest dinner.

"I have dessert planned as well. I have it in my room if you don't mind."

"No, that sounds wonderful." I knew what he was implying and I thought I was ready.

As it turned out he had a tray filled with baklava and a bottle of champagne.

"Now I know you're only eighteen but..."

"Seventeen."

"What?"

"I don't want to enter into anything under false pretenses. I'm seventeen. There's only two other people who know that."

"Well, now that changes things. That makes me a pedophile," he sounded distraught.

"You want to wait till I turn eighteen?" I offered.

"When will that be?"

"March." I said it as a matter of fact. Nate stopped and deliberately counted on his fingers.

"Ahhh, I don't think I can wait that long." He handed me the flute of champagne. "Seventeen? Really?"

"Really."

He sighed deeply. "I'm going to hate myself in the morning."

After we ate dessert and drank our champagne, he took off my shoes and I scooted back on the bed.

"You really are beautiful." He knelt onto the bed and leaned in to kiss me. He slowly pushed me back as he kissed me and I unbuttoned his shirt. "I've waited a long time for this," he whispered. I ran my hands over his chest. It was different from Ian's. He had just enough chest hair to be sexy. His lips went to my neck and to my collar bone. I was becoming very stimulated. He pulled my shirt over my head and undid my bra. He pushed me back onto the bed and continued to kiss me and touch me. That was the point where things started to go wrong. I suddenly got this feeling of guilt and my dream from last night came flooding back. Betrayal. That's all I could see.

"No," I whispered. I was telling myself that this was not betrayal. Ian and I were not a couple.

"It's okay I won't hurt you," he whispered. It wasn't _my_ hurt I was worried about. My conscience was winning out.

I couldn't do this! He was kissing my neck and it felt good but I couldn't betray Ian. I wanted Ian and I couldn't let him hate me. I couldn't let _me_ hate me. "Nate, stop."

"Come on, Wanda. You know you want this." He pressed his lips to mine again.

"Get off me!" I pushed as hard as I could and he rolled off of me. He lay on his back and he used both hands to pull his hair back off his face.

"I thought you were ready for this!" he cried out in frustration.

"I thought so too. I can't. I can't do it."

"It's him isn't it? I knew that ring meant just a little too much to you. I should have trusted my instincts."

I started to cry. "I'm sorry."

He sighed. "I'm sorry too. I would have given you everything. You would have been my queen."

"Nate, I love you," I croaked.

"Was there even a moment that you didn't think of him since you came?"

"Yes. I love kissing you. I didn't think of him then."

"You just couldn't give _his_ body to me." He spoke almost inaudibly. He hit the nail on the head.

"Do you hate me?"

"I'm glad for the opportunity to try. At least this time it wasn't over after one kiss."

I got up and put on my bra and shirt. He remained on his back on the bed with his arm resting on his forehead.

"I can't help but wonder if I had waited another week if things might have been different."

"The dreams wouldn't have stopped."

"Tell me about the dreams."

"Every one of them was a variation of my walking down the aisle to Ian and me betraying him to be with you. I woke up screaming each time. Burns said I couldn't stop my conscience as long as I loved Ian and he was right."

"So, I suppose you'll go back to him and the wedding will go off as scheduled," he surmised.

"I'll go back to him but I don't think the wedding will go off as scheduled. Just because I love him doesn't mean I still don't fear him and I can't marry him if I'm afraid of him. And who's to say I won't still have nightmares when I go back?"

He sat up and reached for my hand. "I'll always love you."

"I know and I'll always love you and I'll miss kissing your beautiful lips."

He pulled me to him on the bed. "One more for old times sake?"

He pressed his lips to mine and kissed me passionately. As he pulled away he sighed heavily. "Maybe I should piss off Ian and let him kill me."

"You'll do no such thing, you hear me?" I scolded.

"Your wish is _still _my command." He got on his knees and put my shoes on my feet. He took my hand and walked me back to the house.

"I love you," he said quietly as his eyes pooled with tears.

"I love you too." I hugged him and walked up the steps with tears in my eyes.

I knocked on Burns' door. "Can I come in?"

"What are you doing here? I thought tonight was the big night? Or are you here for the letter?"

"I want you to take me home."

"What happened?"

"Ian happened. My conscience happened. I couldn't do it. I could kiss Nate fine enough but when it came right down to relinquishing my body to him, I realized this is Ian's body and no one else's. I don't even think it belongs to me."

"When do we leave?"

"In the morning?"

"Okay."

I kissed Burns on the cheek and went to bed. I had a hard time sleeping simply because I was anxious and nervous about seeing Ian again. What if he didn't want me anymore? What if he hated me? What if he was angry?

In the morning, I got up and Nate was not waiting for me as he had been every other day. I didn't feel good about breaking his heart. I packed up my things and put them into the truck. I decided that I wouldn't leave without saying goodbye to Nate. I poured him a cup of coffee and toasted a bagel. I walked it out to the building he had been working on in hopes he would be there. He was. He looked up briefly when I came in but he continued to work.

"Nate!" I called out. "Can I see you for a minute?"

He didn't stop his hammering. I waited. He didn't stop. Tears started flowing down my face. I put the coffee and the bagel down on the table they had set up and ran from the room.

"Wanda!" Nate called as he ran after me.

He caught up to me and I was sobbing. "I didn't want you to hate me." I blurted out.

"I don't."

I tried to explain. "Just because I can't spend the rest of my life with you doesn't mean I don't love you because I do."

"Humans only love one person at a time. It's hard for me to accept that you could love both of us."

"Well, I do. And I want you to know that when I go back to Ian it will be with the understanding that I will always love you too. He can't change that. I won't let him." The lump in my throat made it hard to swallow. He reached up and wiped away the tears that flowed freely down my face.

"No. He could just kill me. That's one way to take care of the problem." He sounded so defeated.

"Stop that. I love Ian and he is the one I want to commit to but this time it has to be on my terms. I won't settle."

He stared at the ground as he spoke. "Well, I wish you the best of luck. He is the prince of violence. Remember I am here for you always and I will never hurt you."

I hugged him for a long time while I cried. He finally pushed me back. "Call me, Okay?"

"I will."

He watched me as I walked back towards the house. I turned around and gave him a last wave before I turned out of sight.

I offered to drive but Burns said he would rather do the driving because I was too emotional. He thought it would be better to spend the night in a hotel. Lily was due to call tonight anyway. When we pulled into the hotel Lily still hadn't called. We had picked up sub sandwiches to eat for dinner. I hadn't slept well the night before and I was exhausted. After I ate I told Burns that if Lily called to let Ian know that I wanted to speak to him and to wake me if he called.

Burns woke me from my slumber when Ian finally called. It was late. I was totally out of it. He handed me the phone. "Hello?"

"Wanderer? Lily told me that you wanted to speak to me. Is everything okay?" he said with urgency.

"No, everything is not okay," I moaned.

"You sound upset."

"I am upset but not at you. Mostly I'm just tired."

"I miss you so much. I wish you were coming home."

"I _am_ coming home."

"When?"

"We left this morning. We are at the hotel now."

"Who's we?" he sounded cautious.

"Me and Burns."

"What about Nate?"

"I broke his heart. Why do I always do that? First you and now him. I hate being human. It's too complicated." I started to cry. "I love both of you but I can't have either of you."

"Wanderer, you can have me. I'm yours."

"I was with Nate. I'm afraid you'll hate me," I said sadly.

"Did you read my letter?"

"No."

"So you didn't sleep with him," he assumed since I hadn't read the letter.

"I didn't say that." It didn't matter to me whether or not I slept with him. In my mind we did go to the 'next level' as Burns put it because I fell in love and truth be told I was hurting at the loss of Nate too.

"Did you?"

"What if I did? You would hate me right?"

"I wouldn't hate you. I would be hurt."

"I don't want to talk about this on the phone. I'd rather talk to you in person, but I'm afraid that no matter what I tell you, you will lose your temper."

"Read my letter," he implored.

"No!"

"Listen, I promised you I would work on my anger and my jealousy. I'm not going to say that I won't be jealous but I _can_ promise that I won't let my anger get the better of me. I lost you once. I have no intentions on doing that again."

"I'm glad to hear you say that. We definitely need to talk when I get home."

"Wanderer, I'm glad you chose me."

"Ian, that's what I want to talk to you about. It's true that I didn't choose Nate even though I love him. I love you and I want to choose you but…"

"But what?"

I wanted to be honest. "I need to be sure."

"You're not going to push me away again?" I could hear the apprehension in his words.

"No. I can't be without you. I know that now. But…"

"But what? Wanderer please talk to me."

"I've been wearing my engagement ring on my right hand."

"So, you don't want to marry me?"

"I do."

"So, what's the problem?"

"I need time. We need time to strengthen our relationship."

"So we have a relationship?" Again the hope in his voice was evident.

"I hope so," I said in a little voice.

"You're making me dizzy."

"I'm sorry. I'm tired."

"I can't wait to see you."

"I'm glad."

"I love you." I hadn't heard those words from his mouth in what seemed like forever.

"I love you too."

He hung up.

Burns had been sitting on the side of his bed listening intently to the conversation.

"Do you feel better?"

"Yes."

"Good, now, no more nightmares. Get some sleep."

The next morning we slept in and went to a nice little 'Mom & Pop' diner to eat a hearty breakfast. Burns said he wanted to make sure I was well fed before he returned me to Ian. About an hour before we got to the dirt road that led to the wash, my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me."

"Hi," I said meekly.

"I wanted to let you know that I am waiting for you at the garage. I didn't want to come up on you out of the dark and risk scaring you."

"Thanks."

"I don't want to get run over either." I wasn't sure if he was joking with me.

"That's understandable." I paused for a second. "Ian?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm nervous."

"I wish you wouldn't be because I am nervous enough for both of us. How far away are you?"

"About an hour."

"Good, cause I'm dying here. I don't know what to do with myself."

"I'm sorry we're running late. Burns wanted to make sure that I ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner."

"That's funny. I haven't been able to eat all day. Can I ask you a question?"

"Go ahead."

"You _are_ coming back for _me_ right? I mean, I'm not holding false hope, am I?"

"Hope is the only thing I have right now," I admitted.

"Damn, this phone is dying and I don't have the jeep to plug it into."

"That's okay, I'll see you very soon."

"I love you Babydoll." When he called me Babydoll my heart sped up.

"I love you too."

An hour takes sixty minutes to pass but it felt more like one hundred and sixty minutes. I was desperate to see him. I rubbed my ring with the palm of my hand and I debated on whether I should switch it to my left hand. No, I told him I was wearing it on my right. I had to be strong no matter how frightened I was. I told Nate that Ian would have to take me back on my terms and those terms included knowing that I would always love Nate too. It was going to be a hard road to cross before I could start wearing this ring on my left hand again.

We finally pulled into the wash and jumped into the jeep for the quick trip across the desert to the garage. As we pulled into the garage, I could see Ian standing out of the way waiting. He looked sexy as hell. He had shaved the two weeklong beard that Lily said he had been sporting only two days ago. He was dressed in my favorite black jeans and one of his tight V-neck shirts. He had also gotten a haircut. I had spoken to him only last night, so, he obviously got a lot of help from the 'family' to look his best. I was flattered. My stomach was doing back flips. I wished I hadn't eaten dinner. My hair was all over the place from the ride through the desert. I was wearing _his_ favorite baby doll dress and the high heeled boot sandals I had bought when Sunny and I had gone to the club.

Ian walked slowly towards the jeep. "Welcome home."

I opened the door to the jeep. I figured it might be inappropriate for me to climb over the side in the dress I was wearing. He reached out for my hand. I put my hand in his and the electricity that flowed through me gave me goose bumps. I took the long step down to the sand below and he caught me in mid air and his eyes were fixed on mine. He set me down gently but he kept his arm around my waist.

Oddly enough, we were in a perfect dance position, my hand in his and his arm around my waist. He smiled at me. "Would you like to dance?"

"There's no music."

"_You_ are my music." He stepped to the side and pulled me with him as he hummed a familiar love song. I couldn't believe we were dancing. I had never danced with Ian before.

"I didn't know you could dance."

"Mom's been teaching me when no one is around. I did it for you. I want to dance with you at our wedding."

I started to tear up.

"Don't cry. You're supposed to be happy."

I laughed through my tears. "I am."

"Burns left us, you know."

"He did?" I looked around. I was so immersed in Ian that I completely forgot about Burns.

He stopped dancing. "We should catch up to him." Ian reached into the jeep and grabbed my bag. He pulled out my sneakers. "You can't run in those. I _could_ carry you but I won't be able to catch him." He got down on one knee to take off my shoe just as Nate had done just two nights ago. Ian looked up at me as he slipped the boot-sandal off my foot. "You _do_ look sexy as hell."

"Thank you. It's funny; those were the exact words that crossed my mind when I saw you." I was dying for him to kiss me but he was being the gentleman. I figured if he didn't kiss me soon, then I would go insane.

He placed my shoes in my bag after my sneakers were on my feet. He rose and took my hand as he slung the bag over his back. "Are you ready?"

"Yes."

"Just one more thing." He had my hand in his and the other was holding the bag. He leaned in slowly. I think his intention was to give me a little kiss but as soon as his lips touched mine, I lost control. I grabbed his face with my free hand to keep the kiss from coming to an end. Then my hand slid from his face to the back of his neck and I hung on to him for dear life. As my tongue pushed into his mouth, he dropped the bag and let go of my hand. He picked me up and pushed up against the jeep so I would pull my legs apart and wrap them around him. He turned around and fell back against the jeep to get better leverage. Then he did the one thing that always made me crazy. He chewed on my lips. I wanted him to take me right there in the desert. My body was throbbing with anticipation.

"My god, I want you," he whispered.

"If you stop I'll kill you," I whispered back. He spun around again to face the jeep. He opened the door and started pulling on my panties as he put me down on the seat. He slid them off and dropped them on the floor of the jeep. I thought he would kiss me again but he buried his head under my dress. I lay back and closed my eyes. Thank goodness we were all alone out here in the desert because he had me moaning within seconds. I felt like I was in a wonderful dream. When I couldn't stand it anymore I pushed him away from me. He unzipped his jeans and pulled them down and came back for me. The long wait, the agony of our severed relationship, and the anticipation of our reunion just heightened the whole experience. When it was over Ian was slumped over my body.

After a minute he spoke. "Are you all right? I didn't hurt you did I?"

"No, but I can't move."

"Sorry, can you give me another minute?" He was weak from the experience and I was wedged between his body, the seat, and the gear shift.

I started to giggle.

"What's so funny?"

"I'm stuck." My giggling turned to laughter.

He was trying not to smile. "Babydoll, are you all right?"

The question just made me laugh even harder. He slid off of me and he pulled me into a sitting position. I finally got my laughter under control.

"I love you," I trilled.

His eyes were twinkling in the moonlight. "I love you more." He kissed me and it was the slow burn kiss. It wasn't like the wild sex we just had but rather a romantic sensual kiss that made me melt in his arms. When the kiss ended I was mush.

He reached into the jeep for my panties. "You'll need these…at least for a little while." He was grinning slyly. He pulled up his pants. "We better go before they send out a search party."

"Ian?"

"Yes, my love?"

"You need to stop looking like the cat that ate the canary or everyone will know that we had sex out here."

He continued to grin. "I can't help it. I'm happy."

I let Ian revel in his happiness for now. The subject of Nate would come up sooner or later and I wasn't looking forward to that conversation.

He again grabbed my hand and tossed the bag over his back. "Are you ready?"

"Yes. Don't kiss me this time."

He let out a laugh of his own and we were off jogging. By the time we got back to the caverns Jeb was there gun in hand. "Well, you're both alive and kickin'. Welcome back little lady."

I was so happy I hugged Jeb which obviously surprised him.

"Where to?" Ian asked.

"Bathroom!" I said as I gave him a sly grin.

"Okay. Come on."

We moved quickly through the lit tunnels to the bathing room. Ian waited for me in the outer room with the two rivers. When I emerged he asked. "Want to take a bath together?"

"Maybe later, don't you think I should at least say hello to your parents?"

"Sure. Let's drop off your bag first. You will be spending the night with me in our room, won't you?"

"No, I'll be sleeping with Ice." I joked.

"I'm not so sure Heidi would like that."

I was pleasantly surprised. "Are they a couple now?"

"I get that impression, but you didn't answer my question. I don't want to take anything for granted."

"That's good because there are things that you may not like about me. Still, I would like to spend my nights with you…if you want me."

"Why are you so cryptic? You know I want you."

I felt uneasy and my face showed it.

"Wanderer, everything is going to be fine. _We_ are going to be fine."

He put his arm around me and walked us to the room. I walked into the room and if was filled with roses. There was about four or five dozen and he even had some of the petals sprinkled on the mattress.

"Oh, Ian!"

"I love you, Babydoll." He pulled me into his arms and kissed me. I thought we would end up making love but he stopped. "I thought you wanted to go see my parents?"

"I did….I do." I said it with resolve. There would be plenty of time for love making later, but he was so gorgeous.

"Come on." He pulled me by the hand forcing me to take the step that I didn't want to take.

We walked silently to the game room. It was unusually quiet in the caverns, which was odd because it really wasn't that late and no one had come to greet me. Maybe everyone was angry that I had left Ian. Maybe watching him suffer over the last two weeks had tainted the way they felt about me.

We rounded the corner and stepped into the game room. "WELCOME HOME!"

The room was full of people. I think everyone was there. "Oh my god!" I buried my face in Ian's chest in embarrassment.

He whispered in my ear. "Everyone loves you, Wanderer."

I had to make the rounds and hug everyone and exchange pleasantries. There was a table with sandwiches and chips and drinks. Ian went to the table and grabbed a sandwich. He said he hadn't eaten all day so he must have been famished. I noticed the weight bench in the far corner of the room. It took a while for me to come to Maggie and Tom.

Maggie hugged me. "I'm glad you came back. Ian is just beside himself with joy."

"I know, but we are not out of the woods yet. He won't be happy when I tell him the things I need to tell him."

"Well, you know I'll always be here for the both of you."

"Thank you, I just want to enjoy him as long as long as I can before we have to talk."

Ian came up behind me and put his arms around my waist. "Is everything okay?"

I reached up behind me and stroked his face. "Everything is fine."

"Well, the crowd wants to watch a movie and since you are the lady we are honoring tonight; they want you to pick the movie."

I chose a movie I had seen many times before because I knew I would be paying more attention to Ian than anything else. Ian towed me to the back of the room and he sat on the floor against the wall. I sat between his legs and he wrapped his arms around me. He put his chin over my shoulder. I was in heaven. He put on a little after shave somewhere between our arrival to the caverns and here. The smell was intoxicating. Ten minutes into the movie I pivoted so I was sideways. I was leaning back against his right leg and I slipped my legs under his left leg.

"Were you uncomfortable?" he asked.

"No. You just smell so good." I stretched my neck up to his face and kissed him. He seemed hesitant but I continued to kiss him until he responded.

When he ended the kiss he said "My mother is watching."

"So, hasn't she ever seen you kiss a girl before?"

"No, she hasn't," he said seriously.

I giggled. "You are such a mommy's boy."

"Shut up and watch the movie."

I couldn't tell if he was playing or if he was really angry. I just laid my head on his chest and closed my eyes. He pulled my hair back over my shoulder and kissed my forehead. "I love you," he whispered.

I woke up when the lights went on.

"You missed a good movie," Ian said softly.

"Seen it."

"Are you ready to go to bed?"

I immediately remembered his aversion to kissing me in front of his mom.

"I don't know. Maybe we should go ask your mom," I teased.

"That's not even funny."

"Well, she _is_ my competition."

"She's not competition. She's my mother. Wanderer, you're making me angry and I don't want to say anything that will ruin this night."

"Okay, you're right. I'm sorry. It's just that I picked this movie cause I've seen it like ten times and I just wanted to sit in the back and make out. I can't help it if you re so hot!"

He smiled shyly. "Okay, I get it. You want me."

He helped me to my feet and then got up. He took me by my elbow and led me towards his mom.

"We're going to bed now. I'll see you and Dad in the morning. I love you." He kissed his mom on the cheek.

His mom reciprocated "I love you too, Ian. Sleep well."

Maggie turned to me. "Take care of him."

As we walked back to our bedroom through the tunnels Ian tried to explain his behavior. "If it wasn't for my mother these last two weeks, I probably would have gone insane. I thought about wandering off into the desert but she was there for me. She kept me focused on you. It was her idea that I learn how to dance especially after I told her about you and Nate dancing."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made fun of you."

We entered the bedroom and Ian shut the new doors that Ice had made to replace the ones that Ian had destroyed so long ago. "And I should have kissed you." He pulled me into his arms and placed his open lips on mine. His kiss was romantic. I knew just by the kiss that he was going to make love to me. It wasn't the frantic lovemaking that we had at the jeep. It was slow…and sensual…and emotional. He wanted me to enjoy him for as long as he could hold out. I was so happy and he was the reason for my happiness.

Normally I would have fallen asleep naked in his arms but there was no lock on the door and I didn't want a repeat of the Burns incident. I put on my panties and a t-shirt and then I snuggled into his chest and fell asleep.


	30. Chapter 30

**Sorry I'm late guys, Went to Richmond and visited with my daughter.**

"**Solosis by the river" and "It's only Teenage Graceland" and unfortunately "I'm Comin' down with the Sickness"; yeah it's been that kind of weekend!**

THE TALK

IAN SAT AGAINST THE WALL IN THE MORNING LIGHT and waited for me to wake up. "Good morning, my love."

"Good morning. What happened to Babydoll?"

"Well, you wanted to start fresh so I thought maybe a new nickname."

"No. I'm Babydoll and you are my Superman," I said adamantly as I rose up onto my knees to kiss him.

"Okay. That's suits me fine. You promised to take a bath with me remember?"

"I remember." We grabbed everything we needed and headed for the bathing room. Someone had made a sign that said occupied to put on the door. It was an excellent idea. I couldn't be with a naked Ian and not want him to make love to me. The cool water only prolonged the sex. By the time we left the room, there was a long line of people waiting including his mom. Ian's face was bright red by the time we passed her.

The rest of the day was a typical day in the caverns. We ate breakfast and went to find Jeb to find out what chores he wanted us to do. He put Ian and Burns on lookout and I cleaned the kitchen with Lily.

"I'm glad you got back together with Ian," she said as we began to scrub the pots.

"Thanks."

"When is the wedding?"

"I don't know. We really haven't talked much about anything yet."

"Ahhh. I see."

I reciprocated. "How are things with Burns?"

"Good, I just get this feeling though."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you know how I lost Wes?"

"Yes."

"It's that weird feeling in the pit of my stomach that something is going to go wrong." I looked at her face and she looked like she was in pain.

"Nothing is going to happen to Burns. He's very cautious," I tried to reassure her.

"So is Ian and he almost died." A shiver ran down my spine just thinking about Ian's near death experience. I didn't like the thought that she was having premonitions about Burns. "Forget it. He'll be fine." She said trying to convince herself.

Lily and I hung out all day since it was our turn to prepare the evening meal. We decided to make a big pot of chili and some rice. The guys came in to eat after their shift at the lookout. They were talking about having a game of soccer after dinner. They figured Ice and Kyle would be up to the challenge as well. So, after dinner, Lily and I stayed to clean up the kitchen while the guys rounded up some players. By the time we arrived at the game room they had already chosen teams. It was a 'guys' only game so all the girls watched. One team was comprised of Ian, Burns, Jared, and Brandt. The other team had Kyle, Ice, Aaron, and Brandon. The teams seemed pretty evenly matched. Both teams worked up a sweat trying to win the battle. During the game, Jamie came looking for a phone. He wanted to run to the garage and call Megan. I decided to go with him because it would give me the chance to call Nate. I wanted him to know that I was okay.

I yelled out, "IAN!" He directed his attention to me. I waved him over. He jogged over a little out of breath.

"What's up Babydoll?"

"I'm going to go with Jamie. He wants to call Megan…" I didn't want to hide anything from him. "And I need to call Nate."

Ian's defenses immediately went up. "What for?"

"I promised him I would call besides I want to make sure he is okay."

His jealousy surfaced. "You didn't call me to make sure I was okay."

"No, I didn't and it wasn't because I didn't want to. Believe me." I paused. "Ian, I'm not asking your permission." I was waiting for the explosive reaction but I was hopeful he wouldn't do anything to me here in front of everyone.

He looked angry but he reeled it in. "You'll be back in an hour?"

"More like an hour and a half."

"How long are you going to talk to him?" His aggravation was obvious.

"I'm bringing Jamie, remember? Nate has the only phone up there which means Jamie has to wait for me to finish talking to Nate before he can talk to Megan. Have you ever seen teenagers talk?"

Ian shook his head in defeat. "I love you, be safe."

"I will. You kick Kyle's butt…in the soccer game I mean."

He smiled. "I know what you mean." I leaned up to his face and kissed him.

I turned to Jamie. "Come on, let's go." Jamie and I jogged out to the garage. I called Nate when we got close and walked the rest of the way.

"Hello Beautiful!"

"Hi, Nate. I'm glad to hear that you can still call me Beautiful."

"Well, you'll always be beautiful. Nothing will change that."

"Old age?"

"You know, I think you could push out twenty kids and you'd still be beautiful."

"Twenty kids, Nate? Come on. Don't even wish that on me."

"Well some of them would be mine of course."

"That's not even funny. You know you are not so bad looking yourself,"  
I reminded him.

"Thou doest flatter me, milady."

"You seem to be in a good mood."

"That's only because I'm talking to you. The rest of the time is a very good façade, but _you_ sound happy."

"I didn't sound happy when I was with you?"

"No, you did. I guess I should say you sound happier."

"Well, I _am_ happy…for now. It seems we are in the honeymoon stage."

"So, you haven't told him about what happened with me?"

"No. I think we are both avoiding the 'talk', but it's got to happen soon or the whole relationship will be a sham."

"Well, just make sure you tell him that I stopped when you told me to and believe me; I did _not_ want to stop."

"I know. I'm sorry about that. I really thought I was ready to take the next step."

"I knew you weren't but I so wanted you to be that I lied to myself. I am just as much at fault."

"It doesn't matter. The truth is we have feelings for each other and no matter how much I love Ian, nothing is going to change that…at least for me."

He was silent on the other end.

"Nate?" I got no response. I wanted to tell him that I loved him but I thought it would be cruel to say it.

"Nate?"

"I'm here."

"Listen, Jamie is with me and he wants to speak to Megan. Maybe you could look for her while we talk."

"Okay, she's in the house with Sarah, I think."

"Where are you?"

"Um…" He hesitated. "I'm in the second building. I was in the game room but it's quiet in here. It's cold out tonight. I can't believe it's almost October."

"Oh, crap!"

"What?"

"Ian's birthday is next week!"

"So? You have plenty of time to plan a party."

"That's not it. If we have 'the talk' now, I could ruin his birthday."

"So, you're going to wait another week?"

"I don't know."

"If it were me, I'd rather know the truth as soon as possible so that I could move on," he said flatly.

"You think he'll leave me?" There was panic in my voice.

"I meant move on with the relationship."

"Oh." I was relieved.

"Well, you do what you think is right. I'm always here for you if you need me," he reassured me.

"I know that."

"And for the record, I'm still in love with you."

"Nate, you're going to make me cry!" I lamented.

"Don't cry, be happy. Megan is right here chewing at the bit to talk to Jamie."

"Okay, I'll talk to you soon."

"Bye, Beautiful," he sounded sad.

I handed the phone to Jamie. Sadness for Nate's broken heart washed over me. I had been pacing back and forth while I talked so it would be harder for Jamie to hear the conversation. Jamie was sitting in the front seat of the jeep. I climbed into the passenger side and folded my arms over my chest and put my head back. I squeezed my eyes tight to keep the tears from forming. I didn't want to cry. After all, I had chosen Ian. I was supposed to be happy. I pulled my knees up onto the seat and leaned away from Jamie so he wouldn't see my sadness. I could hear the droning conversation Jamie was having. It sounded like Megan was giving him a play by play of a show she was watching by the questions he was asking and the long periods of silence…

I woke up to Jared yelling at Jamie.

"What the hell is the matter with you boy? Do you know what time it is?"

Ian was there too but he didn't speak. He slipped his hands under my legs and lifted me from the seat.

"I'm sorry, I fell asleep," I said in my defense.

"It's okay," he whispered. He was very solemn. He started to carry me towards the caverns.

"I can walk," I protested.

"You sure? It's late. I can carry you," he replied.

"What time is it?"

"It's after eleven."

"I'm sorry Ian."

"You were gone for nearly three hours. I was worried."

"Ian, please put me down. I can run." He let my feet drop gently to the sand. He took my hand in his.

"Come on."

We ran in silence. Ian ran faster than was comfortable for me but I knew he was angry so I pushed myself to stay caught up with him. We were only about a half a mile away when I could not longer keep up. I let go of his hand and stopped. I bent over clutching my side. I was out of breath. "I can't keep up that pace," I huffed.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because you were already mad. I didn't want to make it worse."

He scooped me up in his arms. "I'm not mad." He didn't smile.

He put me down when we entered the caverns and he walked me back to our room.

"You go to bed. I'm going to let my mother know you're okay. She's worried too."

"I'll come with you."

"No." He was curt. He turned quickly towards me and I stepped back as he said, "Stay put." A second later he was gone.

I needed to go to the bathroom but I was afraid if he came back and I was gone he'd flip out. So, I waited. When he came back I was still standing near the bed.

"Why aren't you in bed?"

"I have to go to the bathroom."

He looked confused.

"You told me to stay put. I was…afraid."

Ian closed his eyes and sighed. "Wanderer, I told you I'll never hurt you again. I meant it. Please go to the bathroom."

I moved quickly through the tunnels. By the time I got back, Ian was sitting in the bed. He was playing with a rose petal turning it over and over in his hand.

"I didn't want you to come with me to see my mother because I was frustrated and I knew she would know what to say to make me feel better."

"What did she say?"

"She said what happened tonight wasn't your fault and I should make sure you know that. So, I want you to know that I was worried about you but I don't blame you. Jamie should have been more responsible but I'm sure Jared took care of that."

I changed out of my clothes into my camisole and climbed into the bed next to him.

He was still turning the petal in his hand. He didn't look up when he spoke. "I think we should talk."

"I don't want to talk," I said bluntly.

"Why?"

"Because next week is your birthday and I don't want to ruin it."

"You won't ruin my birthday."

He pulled the letter he had given to Burns from under the mattress and handed it to me. "I want you to read this and then tomorrow night, we'll talk."

"Ian, I don't want to read this," I said as I tried to push the letter away from me.

"Please do it for me. Will you read it for me?"

I relented. "I'll read it tomorrow." I didn't want to but he wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Okay."

I put the letter on the shelf. We didn't have a long drawn out kiss. It was a small romantic kiss and then he held me close until I fell asleep.

I woke up first probably due to the long nap I had taken at the garage. I wanted to go and bathe and I figured I should go alone. I didn't want a repeat of yesterday with the line.

I shook him gently. "Ian." He was sprawled out on his back. I kissed him on the lips. He jumped as if I had taken him from a dream.

He fixed his eyes on my face. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to let you know that I was going to take a bath. You go back to sleep."

"Okay." He rolled to his side and immediately fell asleep. I wondered if I had actually waked him at all.

At the bathing room, Melanie was waiting ahead of me. She offered to share the tub so we would have a chance to talk.

"So, you and Ian are back together. You know I always thought your relationship was a little manic. The highs and lows you go through could make a sane person dizzy."

"So, you think I'm insane?"

"I think you're both insane. You are both strong people and neither of you are willing to bend and what's this thing with Nate?"

"I love Nate."

"I thought you love Ian."

"I do."

"See? Right there, insanity," she quipped.

"What if you found someone you could love as much as Jared?"

"It wouldn't happen," she said dryly.

"Why?"

"Because I wouldn't let it," she said it as a matter of fact.

"So, you are saying _not_ that it _couldn't_ happen but that you wouldn't _allow_ it to happen."

"You are twisting my words." It made me think of Nate and the way he cleverly had Ian thinking that I had slept with him.

"No, I'm not. You said 'because I wouldn't let it happen'. That means it's not that you aren't capable of loving two men. You just choose not to. Why?"

"Because that's they way we humans are brought up."

"But I'm not human," I reminded her.

"But you have chosen to live here with the humans."

"True, the problem is I already love them both. Even though I chose Ian, my feelings for Nate will not diminish."

"Wow. You were better off in my head with me."

"Mind if I come back?"

Mel looked down at her expanding belly. "Surgery not really an option for me right now." We both laughed.

As Melanie and I parted ways, she wished me luck on my dilemma. When I returned to our room Ian was still asleep. I knelt down by his side and dragged my damp hair across his torso. He sucked in his breath as he opened his eyes.

"Hey, Superman, you gonna sleep all day?"

"Sorry, I didn't sleep well last night."

"I'm sorry. I hope I didn't have anything to do with it."

"The fact that I breathe these days is because of you. I'm just nervous about tonight."

"Me too."

"You'll read my letter?" he pressed.

"I will."

"I want you to read it before tonight because I want you to understand what I've been feeling. The stress I'm under is enormous. You've come back but now I'm so afraid that I'll do something wrong and you'll turn around and leave again."

"I'm afraid that when I tell you the things I need to tell you that you will tell me to go away."

"I'll never again tell you to go away. I hope the letter will help you to understand that."

The good thing was our fears were the same. We didn't want to lose each other. We shared breakfast in the kitchen and then he and I worked in the field in the main cavern. It was time to plant 'winter' crops as Jeb called them. After lunch Ian went back to the field. I thought I should go and read the letter that had been on my mind all day. I sat on the mattress and turned it over and over in my hands. I didn't want to read it for the simple fact that the original instructions were that I read it only if Nate and I had gone to the next level and that never happened, at least not in the physical sense. I finally summoned my courage and opened the letter.

Wanderer,

Last night I realized that I have lost you. What I did was reprehensible and I am truly a monster. As much as my selfish mind begs for your forgiveness, I cannot forgive myself. I know you are going to Nate. You deserve his love and he deserves yours. I have so much running through my head right now. I want to die if I can't be with you but I want you to be happy and I'm afraid you will never be happy with me. I've never loved anyone before. Women have always been toys for me. I don't know how to love you and give you the freedom to love me back. I know a big part of our relationship is physical because you are very physical in that body you have inherited. You deserve to have all the pleasure you desire. I know that Nate has clung to the hope that he can have that with you. As much as it blows a hole in my very being, I know you need to experience this with him. This is killing me. I want you back. I can't even think straight right now. No matter what happens when you are there, please, please, come back to me. I'll change. Whatever has happened between you and Nate by the time you read this letter, I swear I won't hate you and I won't hate Nate. I just need you back. I'm begging. I love you.

Ian

I didn't cry. I wanted to but I tried to look at the letter as a breakdown of his emotions. I saw in the beginning his remorse and the fact that he wouldn't blame me if I walked away and never came back. By the end of the letter I saw a broken man desperate to hang on. I could have done anything at all with Nate according to this letter and he would take me back without question. The problem was this letter was written before I came back to him. Now that I _was_ back, how could I know if he would still be so open minded?

At this point I needed to decide how much I wanted to tell him about my relationship with Nate. In truth, if I wanted my relationship with Ian to heal I should tell him everything both physical and emotional. The letter made me hopeful that if Ian wanted me as much as I wanted him that we might be able to speak about emotions we haven't been able to address in a long time.

I put the letter back under the mattress and I went back to the field to join Ian in the tilling of the soil. Tomorrow we would plant. I thought it was odd that Jeb had only me and Ian working this field. Usually there would be anywhere from four to six people doing this. It had occurred to me that if Ian and I could till the whole field and plant it then it would be our field. It would be something that he and I did together from the beginning to the end. It was therapy. Jeb's therapy.

Ian was glistening in sweat when I got there. I grabbed the hoe and began turning the soil that Ian had dug up in my absence. We didn't speak. We just worked. By the time we finished the field it was already past dinner and we were both dirty.

"I think we did a great job," Ian commented as he wiped the sweat from his brow with his forearm.

"We make a good team," I announced.

"I had forgotten how good we could be together outside the bedroom. Remember when we put up the dugouts?"

I chuckled. "I remember being stuck on the roof."

"You were so brave."

"Are you kidding? I felt like such a weakling!"

He pulled me into his sweaty arms. "I love you." He planted his lips on my dirty face and gave me a slow passionate kiss right in the middle of our field.

"We need to bathe," he said.

"Ian, if we get naked in that tub together, you know what will happen."

He sighed. "I know. We need to talk with a clear head. Let me take my bath first and while you are taking yours, I'll get us some dinner and bring it back to our room."

By the time I finished with my bath Ian was waiting for me in our room with dinner. Sharon and Aunt Maggie had made chicken and dumplings. We were lucky there was any left considering we missed the dinner hour. After we ate Ian moved so that he was facing me on the mattress. He took my hands in his.

"Do you mind if I start?" he spoke in a low tone.

"No, go ahead."

He took a deep breath and he licked his lips. He fumbled with my hands pulling them securely into his as if to keep me from getting up and bolting from the room.

"I want to start by thanking you for risking your life to bring my parents here. I know that I was your sole motivation and had I not been such a monster I would have been able to thank you that day. Having my mother here is a gift."

"I wanted her to be able to see you and Kyle get married. I'm just glad that I was right about them still being in there."

"I shouldn't have doubted you. I want to tell you how sorry I am for losing it with you. I don't know what I was thinking. You are my world and if I destroyed you I would have no reason to live. I was stupid and I pray that I never go down that dark road again."

"I guess what I don't understand is how you believed Kyle. Where would we have found someone to marry a human to a soul?"

"Who did we choose to marry us?"

"Jeb." It all made sense now.

"I know it's stupid but I thought Jeb married the two of you and that you were off on some sort of honeymoon. It was the only explanation that made sense. Why else would the two of you take off in the middle of the night? I couldn't see any reason for him to go with you if you were going to see your mother."

"How could you doubt me Ian? I was engaged to you."

He squeezed my hands. It made me pull them away from his. I didn't know the reason for the tightened grip and it made me nervous. "What? What's wrong?"

"You said '_was _engaged'."

I held up my left hand revealing no ring. "I love you but…I don't know Ian. I don't want to rush things."

Ian exhaled quickly. "And I thought three time's a charm."

"It was."

"Until I screwed it up, which brings me to my apology. Wanderer, I swear I'll never hurt you again. I don't even want to show anger in front of you. Please, be patient with me. That's all I ask."

"We have nothing but time."

"Thank you." He took my hand in his and pressed his lips to my palm.

"I guess it's my turn to talk."

I pulled my arms around my body and tucked my hands under my armpits before I spoke. Ian reached out and pulled my arms loose from my body. "Relax, please." He stared into my eyes. "Didn't you read my letter?"

"I did."

"Then you should know that's it's not necessary for you to say anything. You broke off the engagement." He held up my left hand and pointed to my ring finger for effect. "Whatever happened with you and Nate is none of my business."

"I wanted to tell you that I didn't want to read the letter because you had said to read it only if Nate and I had reached the next level."

"I don't understand."

"I never slept with him. I came very close, probably too close but you stopped me." He looked even more confused. I held out my hand that had his ring on my finger. "You were watching me. You were always watching me. I couldn't betray you."

He paused for a moment trying to make sense of what I said. "Why didn't you take the ring _off_?"

I chuckled nervously. "I tried that. I had dreams about you…nightmares really."

"Oh god, please tell me that I didn't hurt you in your nightmares."

I reached out and put my hand on his face. "No. I hurt you. My first nightmare was the second night I was there. I took off the ring but I couldn't put it in the drawer, I put it back on. I had put it onto my right hand earlier in the day because Nate said that it bothered him. That night I dreamt that I was walking down the aisle in my wedding dress and you were there waiting for me. Nate jumped out and stabbed you and grabbed me and dragged me away from you. Burns heard me screaming from his room. My second nightmare was worse. That was the night I took off the ring and put it in the drawer before I went to bed. This time I dreamt it was me who stabbed you in the heart and left you at the altar dying. After that, I put the ring back on."

Ian put his hands on my knees and he looked as though he would cry but it sounded like he was laughing.

I continued. "You own me, whether you know it or not. But…I'm…still in love with Nate."

I was waiting for the anger to surface, but it didn't.

"I know that."

Now, I was the one who was confused. "How?"

"Don't you remember what you told me before you left? I asked you if you hated me. You said no. Then I said 'but you don't love me anymore'. Do you remember what you said?"

I was searching his face for an answer to a conversation he obviously had stored in his head.

"You said you couldn't just stop loving me. You said it didn't work that way for you. How could I expect you to keep loving me after what I did to you and then think that you would stop loving Nate when he's done nothing wrong?"

I couldn't believe it. He understood. I pounced on him knocking him backwards on the bed. "Oh, Ian. Thank you for understanding."

"Hold on." He flipped me off of him so that I was lying on my side and he was facing me. "I want you to know that even though I understand that you are in love with Nate; it doesn't mean I'm happy about it. I just need you to understand that I'm very jealous of Nate and I am asking you to keep your affections for him out of my sight. I really don't want to see you kissing him. I'm trying really hard here but I don't know if I can keep it together if I saw that."

"I understand."

"And…the day you say 'I do' is the day that anything other than platonic hugs and kisses on the cheek stops."

"I understand that too."

He pulled my hair back behind my shoulder.

"So, will you marry me?"

"Ian!"

"Hey, I'm just putting it out there. It's an open invitation. You can say yes when you are ready. I'll wait. I have you here now and that's more than I could have hoped for. You don't even have to say anything. Just move that ring to your left hand and I'll know."

The talk that I had been fearing couldn't have gone better had I written it myself. "I love you."

"I love you more." I pressed my lips to his and the rest of the night belonged to us.


	31. Chapter 31

**FOR THE LOVE BRYNN**

**COMING JULY 2011**

**I haven't been feeling well lately and I look forward to your reviews…I hope I hear from each of you.**

MY PERFECT IAN

IN THE MORNING, IAN WOKE BEFORE ME. When he woke me, he had breakfast on a tray for us.

"Good morning, sleepy head. I trust you slept well?"

"I slept like a baby."

"Good, I made you some pancakes."

"Are you sure your mom didn't make them for you?" I teased.

He mimicked me. "No, my mom didn't make them. I _can_ cook you know."

"Good, then I'll tell Jeb to put you on cooking duty today."

"Hey, I wouldn't mind as long as you are cooking with me but we've got a field to plant."

"Oh! I forgot."

"Come on, Princess. Let's get a move on and remember; I still owe you for the mom crack."

As we walked to the main cavern to the garden, it occurred to me that somehow I needed to get with his mom and probably Sunny and Jeb to plan something for Ian's birthday and then Kyle's birthday the week after that. Sunny and I would have to go for a road trip. I new this would probably make Ian nervous.

In the garden, Ian and I worked along side of each other. At first we were serious about getting the garden seeded but after a few hours we both became playful. Watering the field became a game of watering each other. He started it when he poured a bucket of cool water over my back when I was bent over planting. I wasn't expecting it and it came as a shock.

"IAN!" I shouted.

"Ha! Don't worry you're not mean enough to melt!"

I waited for my moment and I picked up two handfuls of mud and plopped them on his head when he bent over to pick up the empty buckets to go for refills. He chased me and when he caught me we both fell in the dirt laughing. We were spreading dirt all over each other.

Doc and Sharon walked by and saw us wrestling in the dirt. "I think you are supposed to plant the seeds, not each other," Sharon said sarcastically.

We cracked up. I tried to use the moment to crawl away but he grabbed me by the leg and pulled me through the dirt towards him. He rolled me onto my back and laid on top of me. "You're a dirty girl. You know that?"

"Well, you're filthy and disgusting."

"And you like that don't you?"

He started to tickle me and I in turn tickled him back. He was more ticklish than I was so I was winning the fight.

"I give up!" he cried out.

My mistake was I stopped just long enough for him to regain his control. He grabbed both of my hands and pinned them behind my back. Then he laid on top of me.

"I still owe you for the 'Mom' crack. How would you like to eat a mud pie?"

"No, Ian. You wouldn't!"

He grabbed a huge handful of mud. "Open up Babe!"

I clamped my lips shut. He began spreading the mud all over face when we saw two feet standing next to us. We looked up and Jeb was standing there.

"I hope you two are having fun."

Ian snapped to his feet and pulled me out of the dirt. He cleared his throat. "Sorry, Jeb."

"Hmmm. Mud wrestling. Might have to consider it between plantings. By the looks of you two it's a good way to turn the soil. You better go get cleaned up."

"No. Me and Wanderer will clean this up and replant this area."

"You sure?"

I spoke up now. "Yes, Ian and I want to take full credit for this garden. We worked really hard."

"I can see that." Jeb said glibly.

Jeb slowly walked off. When we thought he was out of earshot we both burst out laughing.

"I can hear you!" Jeb called back.

Ian picked up the buckets. "Okay I'll get more water, you start replanting, okay with you?"

"Aye aye captain." We would have kissed each other but honestly we just would have been eating dirt.

When we were done, we went looking for anyone who could get clean clothes for us. The first person we ran into was Mel.

She took one look at us. "Oh my god, are you two insane?"

"Well, according to you we are. Remember?"

"So, you decided to prove it?"

Ian's smile was huge. "We were just having fun. Can you do us a favor?"

"Hose you down?" she said sarcastically.

"No, we need clean clothes. Can you get them from our room and bring them to the bathing room?"

"Fine. I'll bring them to you."

"Thank you Mel."

Ian and I held hands and walked towards the bathing room. We passed his father of all people. He looked at us in surprise. "I don't even want to know."

"Dad, what's important is that we planted the whole field and we had fun doing it."

Tom just shook his head and continued on his way.

Once we got to the tub we jumped in with our clothes on. We washed each other and the scrubbing became caressing. He took my face in his hands and kissed me gently. The slow burn kiss. The water was cool but his lips were warm. The contrast was nice.

"EXCUSE ME!" It was Mel with our clothes.

Ian stopped kissing me. "Thanks, Mel."

"Yeah, you're welcome."

Once she left, we took off each others clothes and squeezed them out and put them along the edge of the tub. Ian took my chin in his hand.

"Now, where were we?"

I put my lips right up to his and whispered. "Right about here."

We were pretty darn clean by the time we got out, pruny even. I had been so happy these last twenty four hours. I only hoped it would last.

After dinner, Ian suggested that we visit his mom. He grabbed my high heeled sandals as we left the room.

"Ian, what are you up too?"

"I just figured if we start practicing now, then by the time we get married, we'll be the Fred Astair and Ginger Rogers of the caverns."

"You really want to practice dancing with me?"

"I get to hold you in my arms. What could be better than that?"

His mom was waiting for us. Dad looked like a trapped animal.

Maggie spoke first. "Ian said he danced with you in the desert."

"It was only for a few minutes and there was no music."

"Well, I have music. Sunny purchased everything I need. Ian says you are quite a good dancer."

I gave Ian a warning glance as I thought back to my gyrating dance on the pool table. "I took dance when I was younger, ballet and contemporary."

"Well, let's see what you can do."

"Right now?"

"That's what we're here for."

"I'm not prepared," I protested.

"Here, look through the music I have and see if anything moves you. Then just go with the flow," she suggested.

I looked through the CD's Sunny had bought for her. I found a song that I had actually danced to long ago at a recital. I couldn't remember the exact routine but I knew that I could wing it.

"Mind if I stretch first?"

"No. That's a great idea. Ian stretch with your girlfriend," she ordered.

"Mom!"

"Hey, you always stretched before a game. It's the same thing."

I was giggling. Ian shot me a dirty look. "Hey, this was your idea!" I reminded him.

I turned my attention to Maggie. "Maggie, could you put on the music I selected? I want to visualize while I stretch. I have to reach into Pet's memory and the music will help."

"Sure dear."

As Ian and I sat on the floor stretching, I closed my eyes to see Pet dancing gracefully across the floor in my mind. When I opened my eyes Ian was staring at me.

He grinned slyly. "Was it good for you?"

I laughed. "Shut up, dork."

"Mom, you see how she treats me?"

Maggie shook her head. "You two are like children."

"Happy children," I corrected her.

When I finished my stretching, I got up and did some pirouettes and jumps across the floor. Ian sat on the floor watching me. "You're not going to make do _that_ are you?"

"I don't think you could," I teased.

"You got that right."

"Okay, I'm ready. Now remember, I haven't done this in two years."

Maggie started the music. At first I followed the routine as I had remembered it but about half way through I let go of my inhibitions and just let the music take me. By the time the music ended I was crouched in graceful pose. It was quiet in the room.

Ian broke the silence. "Wow."

His mom added. "That was stunning. You have wonderful presence."

"Thank you. My Dad wanted me to pursue dance but I lost interest because I wanted to hang out with my friends."

"Okay, let's do some simple old fashioned ballroom."

I put on my heels. Maggie used Tom to show steps, posture, and techniques. I picked it up much quicker than Ian.

"Don't get frustrated. You're doing great," I encouraged him.

"I just feel awkward," Ian stammered.

"Well, when you pitch, there's a flow to your movement. Yes?"

"I suppose," he replied.

"If you close your eyes, can you visualize that movement?"

"Absolutely."

"Okay, you're doing the steps and I can tell you are counting them off in your head. Dancing is rhythmic, that's what my teacher always used to say. Feel the music. It would be easier if we had a mirror. Close your eyes and feel the movement as you do it."

He closed his eyes for a few seconds and then opened them again.

"Close your eyes Ian," I directed. "I won't let you falter."

He closed his eyes and I held him tight. After a few minutes, his steps became smoother.

"There you see? That's better already. You better open your eyes or I'm going to kiss right here in front of your mom," I teased.

He opened his eyes and he kissed me…right there…right in front of his mom. It lasted only about ten seconds but it was an open mouth kiss and I was surprised and pleased and just a little dizzy.

"I love you, Babydoll," he whispered at the end of the kiss. The music stopped but we were still holding each other.

Maggie ran over to the CD player. "Don't stop!"

I wasn't sure if she meant the kissing or the dancing. Ian smiled shyly.

"When do I get to dip you?"

"Later," I said jokingly.

About a half hour later, we called our dance lesson to a close. Ian kissed his mom and thanked her. She turned to me.

"You know you can come here anytime and dance if you want. You shouldn't let your talent go to waste."

"Thanks, I'll think about it."

"Maybe eventually we can have a class and get some of the others to join us."

I thought of having Sunny and Lily and a few of the others dragging their loved ones for lessons. "You might be on to something."

Ian and I walked arm and arm back to our room. I still had my heals on and so I wasn't so short anymore. I was blissfully happy.

"Do me a favor?" he asked.

"What?"

"Keep the shoes on."

I smiled. It was a good night.

The following morning I woke to a note on Ian's pillow.

Wanderer,

You were sleeping so peacefully, I didn't want to wake you. Jeb came by to talk to me and he saw you lying naked in the bed. Close your mouth Babydoll, I'm just kidding. I covered you before he came in. He asked me to take guard duty with Kyle. He gave you the day off. If you want to visit me, you know where I am.

I love you,

Ian

I visited Ian after I ate breakfast but then I went off to find Sunny. She was washing clothes. We talked about parties for our O'Shea men and we decided to take a road trip immediately to get gifts and party supplies as well as food for the week.

When Ian came off guard duty, he found me with his mom. We had been talking about the party. As we walked through the tunnels to the kitchen for dinner, I broke the news.

"Sunny and I are going on a road trip."

"When?"

"Tomorrow."

"Then I'm coming with you," he said adamantly.

"No," I said bluntly.

"Why not?"

"Because it's girls only. We are getting stuff for your birthday and for Kyle's."

"How long are you going to be gone?"

"Two nights, but…" I paused. "Sunny wants to go out."

Ian raked his hand through his hair and he walked away leaving about six feet between us. He kept control and his voice was low.

"You're going to that club where all the college guys hit on you last time," he said obviously upset.

"Yes, but I told them I was engaged," I reminded him.

"But you're not now," he pointed out.

"They don't know that."

He looked hurt. I wanted to go out but not at the expense of hurting Ian especially when things had been going so well.

"Do you want me to tell her that I don't want to go?"

He let out a deep sigh. "No."

I could see that he was summoning all of his strength to give in.

"I'll be good. I promise."

"I know. I'm just being paranoid."

He came to me now and put his arms around me. "You have fun. I know how much you like to dance."

Again Ian had surprised me with his amazing calmness.

That night as we lay in bed he broke the silence. "You know what I want for my birthday?"

"What?" I was eager because although I knew what I wanted to get him; another gift idea wouldn't hurt.

"Nothing. I have everything I want right here." He pulled me on top of him. "Kiss me."

I kissed him and I gave myself to him, body and soul.

The next day I volunteered both Ian and I to do the cooking and the dishes for the day. He was oddly excited about the project. After breakfast we did all the dishes and then headed to the game room for another dance lesson. It was easier for him this time and we had a lot of fun. I also danced alone and Ian watched me. I thought I should take Maggie up in her offer to teach others but I wanted to hone my skills first. I thought if I went to the library, I might find some tapes of contemporary dancers that I could watch and study. I would put it on my 'to do' list of things for tonight's road trip.

It was nice spending the day with Ian. He was attentive without being overbearing. For dinner he wanted to cook his mom's meatloaf. She wrote down the list of ingredients before we left the game room.

In the kitchen as we prepared the meatloaf, Ian and I got playful again. He was cutting up the onions and his eyes were full of tears.

"Oh, Superman. Don't cry. I'm not leaving forever!" I teased him.

"Shut up or I'll make _you_ cut the onions."

"I'll shut up but only if you kiss me."

He slapped the knife down on the cutting board, pulled me into his arms, and kissed my lips softly. "Will that shut you up?"

I shook my head. "Uh-uh."

He kissed me again with his famous slow bur kiss and I was like butter in his onion smelling hands. "You're spoiled. You know that?"

"Uh-huh. Pet's Daddy spoiled her rotten and I have her memories."

"Well, who's your Daddy now?"

I smiled broadly. "You are."

"That's right, and when you're off gyrating those pretty hips with some college boy, you keep that in mind."

"Don't worry. You're always watching me." I hugged him for reassurance before he released me and went back to cutting the onions.

The recipe didn't call for ketchup as my mother had always made meatloaf but a can of tomato paste. We each had a bowl to mix since we had to make six pans of meatloaf to feed everyone. I reached in to mix my meatloaf and it was cool and squishy.

Ian picked up a handful of the half mixed scary looking meat and held it as if he was going to spread it on my face.

"Oh, you wouldn't," I warned him.

"Oh, wouldn't I?" he teased.

"Ian this is people's food you're playing with," I warned him again.

"And?" He looked evil. I tensed and closed my eyes. He put his mushy finger to the tip of my nose. "Gotcha! I'm just kidding. You really thought I'd throw raw meat at you?"

"I did," I admitted.

"Well, I wouldn't unless I knew it protected you in some way," he chuckled.

Ian put slices of uncooked bacon on top of the pans of meatloaf before we slid them into the ovens. We made 'Au Gratin' potatoes and peas as well. The meatloaf was delicious. It was moist because the now crispy bacon held in the juices when the meatloaf was done. Everyone complimented us on our meal. Ian's mom came over.

"Good job, son but you forget the green pepper."

"I didn't forget the green pepper. I don't like the green pepper. Don't you remember I used to pick the green pepper out."

"That's right you did."

"Oh, well, it was delicious anyway. You two are a good team."

"Thanks mom."

After dinner, I went to pack my things for the trip while Ian got the dirty dishes together. I came to help him when I was packed and ready.

"Do you want me to run with you to the garage?"

"If you want," I said nonchalantly.

"Of course I want to but that's not what I'm asking you." He was trying not to push but I could tell he was nervous.

"Absolutely. You need the exercise and I get a last kiss out of the deal."

"Thank you."

Burns decided to return to the mountain so we all ran together so we could share the jeep to the wash. Kyle ran with Sunny as well and our O'Shea men kissed us good bye at the jeep while Burns and Lily said their own good-byes as well.

"You take care of yourself and remember I'm always watching you." He smiled and pulled my hand up with the ring on it for effect.

"I love you, Ian."

He pulled me into a tight hug and whispered in my ear. "I love you more."

At the wash, we said our good byes to Burns.

"Little Sis, you take care of yourself and I'll see you soon."

"I will. Take care of Nate, will you?"

"I always have." He gave me his usual bear hug and we were all on our way into the night.

As soon as we hit the highway, I called Nate.

"Hello, Beautiful!"

"Hi, Nate."

"How are things with my favorite lady?"

"Things are good, better than good actually."

"So, I take it that you haven't said anything to Ian about our time together."

"Actually, we had a very good talk. He was incredibly understanding about the whole thing."

"Really? What exactly did you tell him?"

"I told him the truth. I told him that we got very close but that I couldn't betray him. I told him about my nightmares. And I told him that I was still in love with you."

"He was okay with that?"

"He expected it."

"Wow."

"I know. I was pretty shocked myself. He asked that I think about where he is when I am with you because he doesn't want to see any physical affection between us simply because he can't promise that he won't lose it. He's really trying Nate. He's been so wonderful these last few days. He's even taking dance lessons."

"I'm so jealous."

"I'm not saying this to hurt you. That's never been my intention. I just wanted you to know that I am in a good place right now."

"No. I know."

"Burns is on his way home too. I told him to take care of you."

"Thanks."

"Maybe you should ask Holly out for a dinner date?"

"Killing two birds with one stone, eh?"

"What do you mean?" I was confused.

"You know, find a girl for me and take Holly out of the 'Ian' equation."

"Nate! Holly is no threat to me, I just thought you might keep each other company. I'm not telling you marry her!"

"I'll think about it. My other line is ringing. It must be Burns."

"I'll let you go then. I love you."

"Love you too. Take care, Beautiful." He hung up.

Sunny and I got to the hotel in Tucson in good time. In the morning we went and ate breakfast first. Our next stop was the furniture store. I wanted to get two items. I wanted to get a new mattress and box spring and bed frame for our room for Ian's birthday. Since we were starting our relationship new, I thought the new bed would be a nice gift to symbolize our commitment to each other. The second item I wanted to get was another love seat for the main cave. It would all just barely fit in the van and we would have to tie the doors because they wouldn't close all the way. After that we went to the sports store and bought new baseball gloves for both Ian and Kyle and a box of balls so they would be able to throw in the caverns. The main cave was large enough for them to play catch and for Ian to pitch. Our final stop of the day was the party store where we bought all the supplies we would need for each of their parties.

"Now we can have some real fun." Sunny remarked. "Where do you want to eat dinner?"

"I don't know. I'm not really hungry." I replied. My stomach felt a little bloated.

"We haven't eaten since this morning."

"Well I started my cycle this morning, maybe that's it. We can go wherever you want. I'll eat I guess."

She took us to a popular Italian restaurant. I ordered but I didn't really feel like eating so I just picked.

"You're not eating." Sunny observed.

"I'll have it boxed up and take it back to the hotel for later."

When we got back to the hotel to change for our night out, I started to feel a little queasy. I didn't say anything because I knew Sunny was really looking forward to going to the club. We took a taxi since the van was crammed with furniture.

The club was crowded and hot. A few brave guys approached us immediately and asked us to dance. I figured if I said I didn't want to dance then they would want to talk and I really didn't want to get to know anyone so I opted for the dancing. We had been there only about a half hour when my queasiness increased considerably and I started to sweat. Sunny was nearby dancing and I went to her.

"I don't feel so good, I'm going to the bathroom." I was really hot now and I felt a little faint.

"I'm coming with you," she announced. I was glad. We had a pact that neither of us ever went farther than a few feet from each other. It was our way of protection.

A few feet from the bathroom I felt the vomit coming and I ran to the toilet. Sunny was behind me in just a few seconds holding my hair from my face.

"Oh my god, Wanderer. You're really sick."

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to ruin your night."

"Don't be silly. I'm taking you back to the hotel."

There were a few taxis outside so we took the first one in line back to the hotel. Once we got inside the room I was back at the toilet heaving.

"Maybe I should take you home now."

"No. I just want to go to bed." I felt like crap. I thought maybe if I could just sleep I'd be okay in the morning. I had no such luck. I was up about every half hour gagging and heaving. There was nothing left to throw up after a while and then I just felt weak. At about four in the morning Sunny had had enough.

"I'm taking you home. Doc will know what to do. You're burning up." She helped me into the passenger side of the van and grabbed a trash can from the room. By the time we got back to the caverns, it was just after sunrise. Sunny drove directly to the overhang. It was pure luck when we got there, Ian had chosen overnight guard duty so he wouldn't miss sleeping without me. He came out to the truck.

Sunny jumped out of the van.

"Ian, it's Wanderer. She's really sick."

Ian came around to my side of the van and ripped open the door. If I looked only half as bad as I felt, I knew I must look pretty sad. He scooped me into his arms and pulled me from the seat.

"Jesus, you're burning up."

"Oh, Ian. I don't feel good."

"Okay, Babe, hang on. I'll get you to Doc."

Ian carried me to Doc's office and Sunny went to wake him. He put me down on the cot, grabbed a blanket from the shelf, and covered me with it.

I lay like a rag doll. I had no energy. Ian brushed the hair from my sweaty face.

"I need to cool you down. I'll be right back."

He ran out of the room but returned in less than a minute with Doc.

"I sent Sunny to get Candy. She knows more about treating a soul than I do." It was Doc's voice. I had closed my eyes because I was too exhausted to open them.

"Can a soul get sick?" Ian asked.

"Well, they have human bodies and viruses can't be wiped out. If it's a virus we will need to quarantine everyone who has come in contact with her to make sure it doesn't spread."

A minute later, Candy came in and examined me. "She's got a stomach virus. The younger the host, the more susceptible to these things they are because they are sick less often and therefore haven't built up the immunities that older humans have. She picked it up less than twenty four hours after contact so it's a fast moving virus."

Doc spoke. "We can give her cool and at least stop the fever for a while right?"

"Yes. That would definitely help her enough to sleep."

Ian spoke desperately. "Then do it."

Doc went to the cabinet and got the cool. He slipped a thin paper-like slice from the vile.

"Come on Baby, open your mouth," Ian coaxed me.

I opened my mouth and Doc dropped the slip on my tongue. Within a minute my fever was gone and although I was exhausted I didn't feel nauseous anymore.

"How are you feeling?" Doc asked.

"I'm not hot anymore but I'm really tired."

"Okay, you sleep."

"Can't I go to my room with Ian?"

"No everyone here is staying here for a few days."

Sunny objected. "What? You must be kidding."

Candy addressed Sunny. "Wanderer has caught a virus and it could be very dangerous to the rest of the people here. We don't have enough cool to treat everyone in the caverns."

"Can't you just heal her?" Sunny asked.

"No, viruses can't be healed. It's not a cut or a wound. It's more like an invasion to the body, like a cancer. We can take away the fever but the virus has to run its course. It's best if the five of us stay here for forty eight hours so we can control it if any of us gets sick and it won't spread to anyone else."

Doc injected himself into the conversation. "So the souls haven't cured cancer?"

"No, they can heal the damage done to the body but the cancer itself can never be cured. People just live longer because they are continually being healed without the use of radiation or chemotherapy which kills, not cures."

"What are we supposed to do for forty eight hours?"

"Play cards," I muttered.

"Where will we sleep?" She asked.

"Tell Jeb to get our mattress out of my room," I directed weakly.

Ian objected. "Babydoll, that's our mattress."

"I got us a new one."

"What?"

Sunny interrupted so I wouldn't have to speak. "She bought you a new bed as a symbol of your new relationship. I think it's a nice thought. She even got a frame for it so you won't be sleeping on the ground anymore."

"Oh, Babydoll," he leaned in to kiss me.

"No, Ian. I'm icky!" I protested.

"You are beautifully icky." He kissed my forehead.

Doc went to the tunnel and waited for Jeb to show up. Brandt had been on duty with Ian and he went to get him. Doc stopped him before he got too close. He explained the situation and asked Jeb to get the mattress and a deck of cards. I was asleep before Jeb returned. When I woke up Ian was asleep on the mattress with Sunny. Doc and Candy were eating a snack.

"Good afternoon little one. How are you feeling?" Doc asked.

"A lot better. How long has Ian been asleep?"

"He conked out about ten o'clock this morning. He'd been up all day and all night and he didn't want to go to sleep but his body eventually gave out. Are you hungry?"

"You know what? I _am _hungry."

"JEB! YOU OUT THERE?" Doc bellowed out.

"Yep, just hanging out!" Jeb called from down the tunnel.

"WANDA'S UP AND SHE'S HUNGRY!" Doc yelled.

"Okay, I'll see what I can rustle up."

"NOTHING TOO HEAVY!"

Ian and Sunny must have been out cold because all the yelling didn't phase them a bit. They slept soundly.

After a little while Jeb called from the hall and Candy went to retrieve a tray. She came back with a bowl of soup and crackers and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. There was a glass of water and a can of soda as well.

I decided to go with the soup and crackers. I left the peanut butter sandwich for whoever woke first. Doc, Candy, and I decided to play cards to while away the time. After about an hour Sunny woke up. She got up and took my place at the table and I lay on my back next to Ian. I picked up one of Doc's novels he had in a drawer. It was a classic novel that I had read in school but it was better than nothing. I lay there reading for another hour or so before Ian rolled over and knocked the book out of my hand.

"Hey!" I squawked.

"Wanderer?" He realized I was on the mattress with him. "How are you feeling?"

"I was fine till you knocked the book out of my hand," I snarled.

He smiled his big happy smile. "You're feisty, so I guess you're feeling better."

"Yes, I'm feeling better and you shouldn't have deprived yourself of sleep for so long."

"I was too worried about you to sleep."

"It was just a twenty four hour thing. I'm okay now, but Doc says we need to stay until tomorrow night just to be sure."

"Well, I don't know about you but I need to go to the bathroom."

Doc spoke up. "I think we should all go together, that way there will be less traffic coming to and from."

I had gone when I finished eating but I needed to go again. We all donned surgical masks and went as a group to the bathing room.

The following day, we were all getting antsy stuck in that room together. We all wanted to take baths. Sharon wanted Doc back and Kyle was about to take his chances getting shot by Jeb to get to Sunny. Ian and I just wanted to be alone. During our time stuck in the room we refrained from kissing for two reasons. First we hadn't brushed our teeth in two days and we didn't want to be rude by showing public displays of affection in front of the others.

At six PM, Doc finally announced that the quarantine was over and everyone bolted out of the room like wild animals set free.

Ian held my hand. "If we move fast we can beat the rest of them to the bathing room."

We ran to our room and someone had set up the new bed. It stopped us in our tracks. It was beautiful. No more falling to our knees to get into bed.

Ian stood staring at the bed. "You did this for me?"

"I did it for us. It's our new beginning."

"Oh, Babydoll." He shook his head. He cradled my face in his hands and brushed his thumbs gently along my cheeks. "You are too good to me."

"Happy Birthday," I whispered.

"I love you," he whispered back. He leaned in and gave me a gentle kiss.

Suddenly, I remembered our mission. "The bathing room! We need to hurry."

We each grabbed clothes and towels and we were off at a jog to the bathing room.

Candy beat us there. She had no love to greet her so she was able to move swiftly without interruption.

When it was our turn to bath we were adamant that no matter how much we wanted each other, we would respect that others would be waiting to use the tub. We bathed and brushed and got dressed quickly.

On the way back to the room as we passed through the main cavern, I saw a sign on our garden. It said 'Field of Dreams'. I turned to Ian.

"Did you do this?" I asked.

He grinned. "I did it for us."

I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck. "I'm so happy."

He spoke barely above a whisper. "So am I." He pressed his lips to mine and I melted in his arms. He picked me up and carried me to the new loveseat and put me down. He sat next to me and we kissed for a very long time like two teenagers that were parked on 'Lover's Lane'. He respected that I couldn't make love to him but he was very romantic and gentle.

Before we retired for the night, we visited Maggie and Tom who were hanging out with Kyle in the kitchen while Sunny bathed. They were all happy to see that I was well.

The rest of the week was like a fairy tale. Ian and I couldn't have been happier.


	32. Chapter 32

**Yeah, I cried.**

DESPAIR

IT WAS TWO DAYS BEFORE IAN'S BRTHDAY. I needed to get his cake and the food for the party. I figured a quick one night road trip to the nearest town would suffice. Ian really wanted to go but I told him that I didn't want him coming with me to get stuff for his birthday. Sunny wanted to spend the morning decorating for the party. Brandt volunteered to go. He said he hadn't been out of the caverns in a while and needed to get out.

Ian didn't run to the garage with me because we left late. He kissed me good bye at the entrance to the caverns and Brandt and I ran alone. I figured I'd give Nate a call once we were on the road so I could find out how things were now that Burns was back.

Brandt drove and I settled in for the ride. It was a beautiful night. There was a full moon so the desert sand glistened in the moonlight like waves on the ocean. We reached the highway just before midnight. I was busy writing a list so I wouldn't forget anything when all of a sudden my body shot across the seat and slammed into the door. The van spun out of control. I pulled myself in a ball to protect my body as the wheels squealed across the pavement. In seconds we were off the road and into a ditch. The van came to a stop and my knees slammed into the door since my legs were shielding my upper body. The first thing I felt was pain. I must have hit my head because I was bleeding.

It took a minute for me to get my bearings. I looked over at Brandt and he was unconscious and bleeding. The van had been hit on his side. I looked for the other car and the driver in that car was not moving either. I was in a panic. I had to think clearly. I couldn't let anyone find Brandt or we could all be in danger. I could take the cyanide pill in the ashtray. No, I didn't want to die. The only other option was to get Brandt out of the van and away from the scene of the accident. I pushed the pain to the back of my mind. I opened my door and practically fell out of the van. I limped to his side but I couldn't open his door. I rushed back to my side and pulled him across the seat towards me. He fell to the ground in a heap. I wasn't even sure if he was alive. I grabbed him under the arms and began to drag him. He wasn't as big as Ian, but still, I thought my swollen knees would buckle under the strain. I managed to drag him to the opposite side of the street as far away from the accident as I could and laid him in the ditch.

"I'm sorry, Brandt. I'll come back to get you as soon as I can." I was pretty sure he was still alive but he was in bad shape. I limped back to the scene and pulled out my phone. I dialed 911.

"911. What's your emergency?"

"I was driving down highway 722 and I was broadsided by another car. He's not moving."

"What exit are you near?"

"I'm a ways before Red Rock."

"Where you driving north or south?"

"Um…north. Hurry please!"

"Emergency vehicles are on their way."

I hung up. I was shaking.

I dialed Nate.

"Hello Beautiful!"

"Nate. I was in a car accident. Brandt is really hurt. I left him in a ditch. The van is totaled. The ambulance is coming for me. You need to get to Brandt. I don't know how long he'll survive!"

"Whoa! Are you okay?"

"I'm bleeding but I'm not worried about me. You have to get to Brandt. We are just outside of Red Rock!"

"I'm going to Burns right now. We'll leave immediately. Where are you bleeding from?"

"What? Um…I don't know. My head maybe? And there's a gash in my arm. Um…my knees. Brandt, he's unconscious. I'm scared, Nate!" I started to cry. I was shaking uncontrollably.

"Okay, I'll stay on the phone with you till the ambulance gets there. What about the other driver?"

"He's unconscious too. I think Brandt forgot to turn on the lights and this guy didn't see him coming down the highway. Oh, Nate, it's all my fault! I made him come with me to get cake and food for Ian's party."

"It's not your fault. It's an accident. Accidents happen even to souls. Do me a favor and go to the van and turn on the lights so they won't know you were driving without them."

I limped back to the van and climbed in and pulled the lever for the lights. I heard the sirens coming down the road.

"They're coming."

"You did good. Brandt is out of sight and you turned on the lights. Now when they get there you act as though the other driver was in the wrong. Can you do that for me?"

"Nate, I'm so scared."

"It's okay to be scared. It's a natural reaction. It's expected. Just act like you never saw him coming."

"I didn't!" I cried.

"Then you won't be lying." He paused. "I love you, Wanderer. You come back to us."

"If I can." I hung up the phone.

Even after I hung up the phone it took a long time for the emergency vehicles to arrive. The sound had carried downwind so I could hear them long before I could see them. I sat down on the road in front of the van to wait because my knees were buckling. I had to think. I needed a story. I could use Burns as my brother, my contact. As I sat there shaking, there was one thought I couldn't suppress; it could have been Ian. He _wanted_ to go and I wouldn't let him. I felt both relieved and guilty at the same time.

The police car arrived first. The officer jumped out.

"Miss, are you okay?" The officer asked.

"I don't know. My head hurts. And my knees. The other driver, he's unconscious."

"Okay, the ambulance is on its way. Don't get up. I'm going to check on the other driver."

A few minutes later, the ambulance pulled up followed by a fire truck. Things got very frantic then. One paramedic came over to address me and the others went to the more seriously hurt man in the car.

"You were the driver of the van?"

"Yes."

"You got out of the van, so I assume you can walk?"

"Yes, I got out of the passenger side because I couldn't open my door."

The gash on my left arm was from hitting the console but it easily could have been from the driver's side door had I been sitting there.

"Your head is bleeding. Did you pass out?"

"I don't remember. Maybe for a minute. I think I hit it on the steering wheel."

"No air bags?"

"It's an older model."

"Why would you drive an old van?"

Now, I would fabricate my big story. The reason for driving a van and the reason I needed to get out of here in a hurry.

"My brother gave me the van when I started college. I'm a theater major and we often have to take costumes and sets with us on location. We use the van."

"Hmm. You don't look old enough to be in college."

I chuckled nervously. "Yeah, I get all the parts to play a kid or a teenager. It's guaranteed work. I need to get back to school. We have a show going up tomorrow and I'm one of the lead characters. I need to get out of here!"

"Okay, calm down. We are going to get you to a hospital first, so they can check you out and get you properly healed."

"What about the other soul?"

"It's going to take some doing to get him out of that car. We'll take you in this ambulance and the next one should arrive for him before they get him secure. Come on."

He helped me up. "What's your name?"

"Shadow dancer."

"Good name for an actress."

"Thanks."

The paramedic helped me into the back of the ambulance and wrapped my head and my arm. He gave me a slip of 'No Pain'.

"Do you want to call your parents?"

"I don't have parents. They died during the transition. I just have my brother."

"What is his name?"

"Fire Starter."

"Mind if I call him? You just seem so young."

"No, go ahead. I already called him. He was very worried."

The paramedic handed me the phone. I dialed Nate's phone.

"Wanderer, are you alright?" Nate asked.

"Hello, Fire Starter, it's me, the paramedic wanted to talk to you to let you know that I'm alright."

"Okay. Put him on."

"Hello, Fire Starter. I'm a paramedic from the Red Rock Fire Department. I have your sister Shadow Dancer here."…"Yes, she appears to be okay. She has mainly superficial wounds to her head and her arm. Her knees have suffered some trauma but I'm sure they will be able to heal that quickly."…"Yes, she will need to be picked up. The van was destroyed. She's lucky to come out of it alive."

I started to think about Brandt and a lump rose in my throat. I started to cry.

"Can I talk to my brother, please?" I said through the tears.

The paramedic handed me the phone. "The other driver was much worse than me. I feel so bad for him." Nate knew I was really talking about Brandt.

"We're on our way right now. You take care of you, okay?"

"Don't pick me up. I need to get back to school. I'll rent a car. It's the only way I'll get there on time. We can worry about getting another van later." I was regaining my composure by the end of my sentence.

"That's good. You're thinking on your feet. That's my girl. Stay strong. I'll see you soon. I love you."

"I love you, too…Bye."

We arrived at the hospital and I was immediately taken to an examining room on a gurney. They wouldn't allow me to walk from the ambulance into the hospital, some kind of rule, they said.

The healer came in and checked me over. He was tall like Burns and he was of American Indian descent. He had beautiful jet black hair that was pulled into a ponytail and banded with leather. "I hear you were very lucky," he said calmly.

"I don't think having an accident is lucky," I replied.

"But surviving is."

A lump rose in my throat as I thought about Brandt lying in that ditch.

"I need to get back to school. Where is the nearest car rental place?"

"Probably at the shuttle port."

"That's an hour away from here! How am I supposed to get there?" I started to cry.

"Now, now little lady. I'm sure we can figure out something."

I told him the theater student story as he went to work healing first my head, then my knees, and finally the gash on my arm. When he finished, he walked to the pager system on the wall. "Miss Winter, would you come in here please?"

Miss winter came into the room. She was a pretty woman in her early thirties I would guess. She was wearing scrubs but I could see that she that she had a lovely figure.

"Could you do me a favor?" The doctor directed his question to her.

"Sure Doctor Black."

"This young lady needs a ride to the shuttle port so she can rent a car. She was in a car accident and she can no longer drive the vehicle."

"Sure. They are bringing the other driver in now. He's in pretty bad shape but they think we can save him."

I let out a sigh of relief. At least, the other driver wasn't going to die. I was hoping that his memory would be fuzzy and he wouldn't remember that the lights in the van weren't on.

"The officer is outside. He wants to get a statement from you before you go."

"Okay."

"You come and get me when you are ready to go. I'll be sitting at the front desk."

"Thank you, Miss Winter." Dr. Black said in approval.

"That was very nice of her."

He grinned. "Eh, she's my girlfriend. I knew she'd do it."

"Thank you Dr. Black."

"Well you, what is it they say? 'Break a leg'." He chuckled at the irony.

I went to the officer and gave him my statement. I gave him a false address in California just a few blocks from Maggie and Tom's house. Magnolia Street just stuck in my head for some reason. When the officer was satisfied that he had asked me all of the questions he could think of, he let me go. I went and found Miss Winter. She gave me a clean pair of scrubs to change into since I was covered with blood, and we were on our way. We had light conversation during the drive. She shied away from talking about the accident and focused on her hopes for a life with Dr. Black. She talked a lot which was good because then I didn't have to talk so much. When we got to the shuttle port, I thanked her and waved as she drove away. As soon as the car turned the corner, I bolted to the car rental desk.

I rented a mid size sedan with tinted windows. I took it for a week since I had no idea what to expect anymore. I filled out all the paperwork with fictitious name and address. They asked for my identification and I told them it was still in the van and that my brother would be retrieving it in a few days. They believed me.

By the time I got on the road back to the caverns it was four in the morning. The accident had happened before midnight so Brandt had been lying in that ditch for over four hours already and soon the sun would come up and he would have no protection from the heat. I drove as quickly as I could pushing it over the speed limit. I prayed I wouldn't get pulled over but I had to get back to Brandt. I wanted to call Nate but I was concentrating on the road. I was tired now and the closer I got the more I began to shake with fear at what I might find.

The sun came up before I reached Brandt. I pulled to the side of the road and ran to where I had left him. He was there and the flies were buzzing around him. I was too late. He was gone. I tried to pull him from the ditch but he was stiff and I was exhausted. I got back in the car; the tears were streaming down my face. Again, the thought that it could have been Ian flashed through my mind. Even though it was light I drove through the desert directly to the overhang.

As I pulled into the overhang Ian came out with the shotgun in his hand. I opened the door and put up my hands. "It's me."

"Wanderer?"

I rushed from the car. "Ian, we were in a car accident. Brandt, he's…he died." I just stood there shaking.

Ian dropped the gun and ran to me. He threw his arms around me. "Oh my god. Where is he?"

"He's in a ditch near the scene of the accident. I dragged him there last night."

"Are you okay?"

"No! Brandt is dead!" I started to sob.

Ian remained in control. "Okay, we have to go get him. You'll take me to him?"

"No! I don't want to go back!" I was hysterical now.

Ian put his hands on my arms and shook me gently to get my attention. He was leaning down to my level so he could see eye to eye with me. "Wanderer, keep it together just a little longer. We have to get his body out of that ditch before the buzzards come or the police might find him and then come looking for others. Please Wanderer. You have to do this, okay?"

I looked at his beautiful sad eyes and nodded my head.

"You wait in the car and I'll be right back, okay?" He walked me back to the passenger side of the car and shut my door after I got in. He went back and picked up the gun and disappeared inside the caverns. He emerged about five minutes later carrying a sheet. He opened the ashtray and dropped a cyanide pill into it. He started the car and we sped off.

"If we get caught, you tell them that I kidnapped you, okay?"

"Ian, I…"

He interrupted me. "Wanderer, for the sake off both clans, if we get caught, you have to protect them. Do you understand?" I did understand. It was exactly what I did when I dragged Brandt to that ditch.

"Okay, but it won't come to that." It was wishful thinking on my part.

He reached out and held my hand firmly in his.

"Who was driving?" He kept his eyes on the open desert as he spoke.

"He was." My voice hitched. He squeezed my hand.

"It was an accident," he reassured me.

"He didn't turn on the lights when we reached the highway. I don't think the other driver saw us coming."

Ian was quiet for a few minutes before he spoke again. "You're alright? No injuries?"

Ian turned onto the road by the wash and headed towards the highway as I answered his question. "They took me to the hospital and I was healed there. I had to go to the shuttle port to rent the car before I could get back."

He pulled my hand to his lips and kissed it. "You're sure he's dead?"

I started to cry. I couldn't answer him. At the highway he waited and turned in the direction we had been traveling. We drove a few miles.

"Oh crap," he muttered.

"What?"

"Vultures."

Ahead of us high in the air the vultures were circling. I pointed out the spot where I remembered leaving him. It was obvious because there were skid marks where the van had been hit and then spun. Ian slowed and made a U-turn and pulled to the side of the road where Brandt lay in the ditch. He looked for vehicles coming in either direction and then got out of the car and rushed into the ditch behind the car. I got out but I couldn't follow him. The scrubs I was wearing were already covered with Brandt's blood. Less than a minute later Ian came back carrying Brandt's body wrapped in a sheet. Tears were streaming down his face as I opened the back door and he slid the body into the back seat.

"Get in," he croaked. I obeyed. He ran to the driver's side and sped off just as another car was coming up the road from the opposite direction. He had both hands on the wheel and I could see the anger and the hurt in his face. He tried to wipe the tears from his face with his forearm but they just kept coming. I couldn't bear to see him like this so I curled away from him towards the door. When we reached the overhang I flew out of the car. I heard Ian call my name but I was in full sprint. I ran to the one place I knew I would be alone. I went to the storeroom and crawled into my little hole that was home to me the first few weeks I was here. This body was much smaller than Melanie's and I was able to scramble in quickly. I curled up in a ball and lay there sobbing.

Ian didn't come to me for about an hour. When he did he sat outside the hole and he cried too. It was heartbreaking hearing him in agony over Brandt. Brandt was one of his closest friends. He was one of the fab four as I thought of them; Ian. Kyle, Aaron, and Brandt. Now, because of me, there was only three. Ian must hate me because I hated myself.

After a while Ian fell silent and he was quiet for a long time. Finally he spoke. "Wanderer, I know you want to be alone but I wish you would come out here." I didn't respond. He reached in and put his hand on my ankle. I slowly pulled my leg away from him because I couldn't face him right now. He tried again. "I love you and I know it wasn't your fault." In my mind, it _was _my fault. I dragged him out there in the middle of the night and I should have reminded him to turn on the lights.

I curled up and began to cry quietly in my little hole in the wall until I eventually fell asleep. When I woke up I had no idea how long I slept. It could have been an hour or it could have been a day. There was no way to know in my prison I had put myself into. As I moved around, Ian became aware that I was awake.

"Wanderer, my love, please come out of there," he pleaded.

I thought to myself, _with girlfriends like me, who needs enemies?_

"You should hate me. I do." I finally responded.

"I don't hate you. It was an accident."

"An accident that would have been prevented if I hadn't dragged him out in the middle of the night."

Ian fell silent again because he couldn't argue with me.

A while later he tried another approach.

"Do you need to go to bathroom?"

"No."

"You must be hungry. Come out and we'll get some food."

"No."

He fell silent again.

Suddenly there was conversation outside the hole.

"What are you doing here? Who called you?"

"She did. Right after the accident." It was Nate. "She begged me to get to Brandt. She told me that she dragged him into the ditch and that he was hurt badly and she was afraid he wouldn't survive."

"He didn't make it," Ian said softly. I could hear the pain in his voice.

"I know. I'm sorry. Where is she?"

"In there. She won't come out," Ian replied.

"Has she slept?"

"Yes, for a little bit."

"Have you?"

"No."

"Mind if I try?"

It was quiet for a moment and then I could hear Nate speaking into my prison.

"Hey, Beautiful. It's me, Nate. I came just like you told me to. I'm sorry I was too late. You were really brave. You saved both clans by reacting the way you did. The paramedic told me you would be okay but I'd like to see for myself. Will you come out here so I can see?"

Ian spoke up. "You talked to the paramedic?"

"Yes. She told him I was her brother, Fire Starter, of all things. He said she was bleeding from the head, a laceration to her arm, and her knees were in bad shape. He wasn't sure if she had broken her kneecaps."

"She didn't tell me any of that. She's barely talked at all," Ian sounded broken.

Nate called back into my hole. "Wanderer, I drove two days to see that you are okay. Please, come out here or I'll have to leave without seeing you."

I knew that Nate didn't blame me. He was my rock through all of this. I couldn't let him leave without seeing him. I slowly climbed backwards out of my hole.

"That's my girl. Come on," he said.

I backed out of the hole and turned to him on my knees and buried my face in his chest. He sat there holding me and stroking my head. It was soothing. He kept on petting my head as he spoke.

"That's a good girl. You know you couldn't have saved him. Even if the souls had saved his life they would have taken him away and placed a Seeker into him and they would have found us."

"I should have reminded him to turn on the lights," I sobbed.

"Sweetheart, you can't remember everything. You weren't even driving," he remarked.

"You know what the worst thing is?" I croaked.

"What?"

I started to cry again. "I was just grateful it wasn't Ian. He wanted to go and I wouldn't let him. How horrible am I?"

"You're not horrible. You're in love. You know he's right here and he really needs you. You want to go to him?"

I nodded my head.

Nate passed me gently to Ian who was sitting on the floor next to him. Ian wrapped himself around my body and held me tight and he began to sob.

"I must be as horrible as you because I was just grateful it wasn't you," he blubbered.

Nate got up and walked away.

"Don't go Nate," I pleaded.

"I'll be back," he said as left the room.

I turned my attention back to my sobbing Ian.

"You don't hate me?"

"Never."

"You're not disappointed in me?"

"I'm proud of you. You did everything right. I don't know if another person would have kept their head as well as you did."

"But Brandt was your close friend."

"He was, and I am going to miss him terribly. Life goes on and thankfully I still have you."

I got up on my knees and wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. "I love you."

"I adore you," he whispered.

I slumped back onto the floor and leaned into his chest. He held me tight but after a while he loosened his grip and started to nod off.

Nate came back into the room carrying a tray with food. He placed it on the floor.

"Hold on, I brought something else." He ran out of the room and came back dragging a mattress. He laid it next to Ian. Ian woke up. Nate knelt next to him.

"Ian, you need to sleep. Lay on the mattress. I'll take care of her."

"Wanderer?" he questioned.

"It's okay. Nate is right. You're dead on your feet."

"You won't climb back in that hole, will you?"

Nate answered him. "I won't let her."

Ian scrambled onto the mattress and lay on his side. I brushed my fingers through his hair as Nate had done to me. Ian was asleep in less than five minutes.

"I brought you some food. Will you eat for me?"

"I really need to go to the bathroom."

Nate jumped to his feet and reached down to pull me to mine.

He wrapped his arm around me and I wrapped both of my arms around him. We walked wrapped around each other to the bathroom. There were people congregating on the loveseats in the main cavern but I couldn't look at them. Someone called out. "How's Ian?"

Nate answered. "He's exhausted. He's asleep."

I'm not sure if they asked because they were worried _about_ him or _for_ him considering I was with Nate.

When we got back to the storage room, I slumped back to the floor. Nate urged me to eat the sandwich he had brought. I ate it. When I was done I nestled back into Nate's arms where I felt protected from my own grief. Nate kissed the top of my head. "Sleep."

When I woke I was in my own bed with Ian. He was still asleep. It was daylight. It was either Ian's birthday or the day after. I wasn't sure. Ian was all sprawled out on the bed in his Ian way. I rolled over and put my head in his armpit and my hand on his chest. I lay there quietly. After a while, Ian woke up. He rolled towards me. He pulled my chin up to meet his gaze.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Hey," I replied.

"I hope you don't mind. I didn't like seeing you in that room. It brought back bad memories."

"This whole thing is a bad memory. Is today your birthday?"

"Yes."

There was a knock on the door. It was Nate.

"Um…they are gathering outside for the funeral. I thought you would want to know."

Ian got up immediately. "Come on, Wanderer. We have to say good bye."

"I don't want to say good bye."

"I know but it's our only chance. Nate and I will be with you."

I crawled out of the bed and walked sluggishly towards Ian. He took my arm in his and led me to Nate. Nate offered me his arm and I took it. We walked slowly to the entrance of the cavern. I was still wearing the scrubs that Miss Winter had given me two nights ago. Burns was waiting for us with Lily at the entrance and Kyle and Sunny were waiting just outside. We went as a unified group to the gravesite.

When we arrived the entire 'family' was present. Aaron was up front. He was trying very hard not to cry but he was Brandt's best friend. Jeb spoke first.

"Today, we bury our very dear friend Brandt who was taken from us too soon. He was good man and loyal to the clan. I will miss him greatly and hope he has passed on to a better place." He threw in a handful of dirt.

Aaron stepped up next. He broke down as he spoke. "You were my best friend."

I couldn't take it. My knees buckled and Ian quickly scooped me into his arms. I buried my head.

Nate spoke low to Ian. "I'll take her. You say good bye to your friend."

Nate came over and took me from Ian and walked back to the entrance of the cavern. I was hysterical. He just walked in circles trying to calm me.

"Shhhh. It wasn't your fault. Nobody blames you."

After a few minutes he put me down on the hood of the rented car that was still parked under the overhang. He sat next to me and held my hand. About a half hour later Ian came back. He was wiping away the tears. The others passed by as they entered the cavern. Some of them stopped and rubbed my knee as they passed. Aaron stopped.

"Don't blame yourself." He turned slowly and walked away.

Ian confronted me. "You are going to take a bath with me, today, now. It will help us both to feel better."

"Ian, I don't..."

He put his finger to my lips. "Brandt wouldn't want us to grieve like this. You need to get over this. Do you love me?"

"Yes, but..."

Ian interrupted me. "It's my birthday. I want this." I couldn't fight him.

Nate nodded his head and smiled. Then he turned and stepped towards the entrance.

"Nate," I called.

"I'll be around." He bowed and then walked inside.

Ian held out his hand and I took it willingly. He led me back to our room and we picked out clothing and grabbed towels. As we walked to the bathing room, I put my head down in shame.

As we passed Doc and Sharon, he said, "Head up, my dear."

Once we got to the bathing room. Ian came to me.

"Arms up." I put up my arms and he pulled my scrub top over my head. He got close and reached around to my back and unsnapped my bra.

"I can do it myself you know."

He smiled his brilliant smile. "I know." He continued by pulling my pants down and pulling each leg out. He slipped off my panties. "Get in." He helped me slip into the tub. The water was cool and refreshing. Ian stripped out of his own clothes and slid into the tub. He went under water immediately. He stayed under the water for a long time before he came up and took a deep cleansing breath.

He walked over to me and bowed his head. "Do I have any gray hairs?"

"Great, now I'm giving you gray hairs?"

"You've been giving me gray hairs since the day I met you. I meant that I'm twenty six now. I'm nine years older than you. I'm practically your father."

"That reminds me. I meant to tell you. Nate knows that I am seventeen. The night we almost, you know, he had champagne. He apologized saying he knew I was only eighteen. I had to correct him."

"See. There goes another gray hair."

I smiled for the first time in days. "Even when all of your hair is gray, I'll still love you."

"Ditto."

"I'll never have gray hair. I'll dye it every other week if I have to."

He cradled my chin in his hands. "You're so vain."

"This is news to you?"

"No." He leaned in and kissed me. It was a slow burn kiss but he didn't allow it to go any further and that concerned me.

"You don't want to make love to me for your birthday?"

"Tomorrow," he paused. "Let's just enjoy life today."

Ian proceeded to wash my hair and I washed his. Then he cradled me against his chest and washed and caressed my breasts and abdomen. It was all very pleasurable and yet innocent. "Thank you," he murmured in my ear.

"For what?"

"For being here for my birthday."

"I want to thank you too."

"For what?"

"For being so wonderful about Nate."

"He did what I couldn't do. He got you out of that hole. I'm pretty jealous of that," Ian admitted.

"He did it for you," I pointed out.

"Yes, I guess he did."


	33. Chapter 33

**Forum! Come to the forum and play the 'what if' game.**

**Welcome Mahi, Prancing Anya, and Kammy. It's always a joy to learn who my readers are. **

**Ian O'Shea, I wish you didn't hate Nate so.**

**Annabelle, thanks again for your kind words.**

**As for the rest of you, I'll be talking to you.**

A NEW OUTLOOK

THAT NIGHT BEFORE I WENT TO SLEEP, I took the ring off of my right hand and placed it on my left but I didn't say anything. I wanted to see how long it would take him to notice.

As it turns out, it wasn't Ian who noticed at all.

We woke in the morning and we went together to the bathing room to wash up and brush our teeth before going to the kitchen for breakfast. There was a crowd of people. A few had come to me to say they were glad that I wasn't hurt in the accident. Ian went on to get breakfast and sat down in a cubby to wait for me. In the middle of it all, Nate entered the kitchen and gushed. "Hello, Beautiful! Good to see you back!"

I turned to Nate to give him my full attention and I held out my arms for him to come to me. "I guess I'm back."

He looked at me. He creased his eyebrows and tilted his head. "So, I see the wedding is back on."

Ian was behind me and I heard his plate hit the floor. Everyone stopped dead in their tracks and turned towards Ian. Ian swallowed his mouthful of food and then spoke slowly and deliberately. "Wanderer, turn around."

I turned slowly with my left hand over my lips exposing the ring. His eyes were glistening. He walked slowly to me and bent low, wrapping his arms around my thighs, and he picked me up off the ground. He looked up at me. "Yes?"

"Yes." I answered.

He spun me around and everyone in the kitchen clapped including Nate.

He approached us after Ian put me down. "You really didn't know?" he asked Ian.

"No, you let the cat out of the bag," he replied. Ian turned to me. "When did you switch it?"

"Last night when I went to bed, I thought it might somehow salvage your birthday. You've been so good since I came back and you've been wonderful about Nate. I couldn't possibly love anyone more than you."

He grabbed my face in his hands and kissed me right there in front of everyone. Ian's parents entered the room in the middle of the kiss. His mother cleared her throat loudly. Ian slowly brought the kiss to a close. "Mom, the wedding's on!"

She threw her hands up in triumph and did a little dance. I had never seen Maggie so animated before. It was pure joy that was driving her. She came over and put her arms around me. "It will be nice to have a daughter."

After dinner, Burns and Sunny left to return the rental car and pick up a new van. I couldn't go. I never wanted to get in that car again.

That night Ian and I made love and he was very gentle and passionate.

Ian woke me in the middle of the night just as Burns had done at the mountain.

"Babydoll. Wake up. You're having a bad dream."

I woke up and began to cry.

Ian comforted me. "It's okay. I'm here."

"I dreamt about the accident. I saw Brandt broken and bleeding. I wish I could just forget."

He held me and soothed me until I fell back to sleep.

This happened three nights in a row.

The following morning after my latest nightmare, I rolled towards Ian. "I want to go back to the mountain."

He looked at me cautiously. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No. You've been wonderful. I just was hoping that a change of scenery might do me good."

"How long will you be gone?" He still didn't get it.

"I don't want to go alone. I want _us_ to go to the mountain but I know you don't want to leave your parents. They already lost you once for six years."

"Are you kidding? I've been dying to go to the mountain. I just didn't want to push you. I need to check on the buildings. Nate told me they still haven't completed the heating system and it's getting cold. When do you want to leave?"

"Well, Burns and Sunny just got back last night. Tomorrow is Kyle's birthday. Which reminds me, I got you another present for your birthday but it's really a dual gift. I got one for you and one for Kyle so you won't get it till tomorrow."

He smiled. "Okay. You still didn't say when you want to leave."

"I guess we can go when Burns and Nate leave but we should take a separate vehicle. We could take the sedan."

"Okay, I can live with that."

"I wanted to talk about something else too."

"What?" He looked nervous.

"I know I promised you that I would stop using birth control as soon as we were married but..."

"What? You're not pregnant are you?"

"No. I want to wait until I'm eighteen. I just hate the thought of being knocked up at seventeen."

He lowered his head and smiled. He looked back at me, his eyes sparkling in the morning light. "Babydoll, you can wait as long as you want eighteen, nineteen, twenty one even. I have you in my life and that's all that I need."

"Thank you."

He looked at me serious again. "Twenty five is my limit though."

I smiled broadly and pulled him in to plant my lips on his.

That day Sunny was all excited about planning Kyle's party. I tried to be excited for her but I was sad that Ian's party had been ruined in the worst way imaginable. Sunny had suggested earlier in the week that we make it a dual party for the both of them but Ian was against it. He said it was Kyle's day and he wouldn't take it from him.

The last couple of days I had been pretty sedate. I didn't feel right about just jumping back into the 'happy' things. Maybe it was my way of punishing myself for the guilt I felt. Today, Ian informed me that he expected me to go to dance lessons with him. He invited Nate to come along. I thought this was crazy because it was obvious that Nate would want to dance with me as well and I felt this might be pushing the limits of Ian's jealousy. After all, the first time Nate and I almost kissed, we were dancing. When we got to the game room Maggie wasn't there. Ian explained that she had other things to do. I knew better. He made sure she wasn't there.

First we all stretched. At least I seriously stretched. The guys made fun of each other. Ian asked if I would dance for both of them. I was more comfortable now with my dance skills so I didn't mind dancing for them. They both looked like little kids at the circus. Their eyes were bright and their smiles were big.

When I finished, I grabbed a bottle of water and took a big swig. "Okay boys, time to hit the dance floor."

Ian got up first. He smiled as he took me in his arms. The music began and he was moving smoothly across the floor. I was so proud of his progress. He was really doing well. When the song ended he leaned to my ear. "Please don't kiss him."

"Ian!" I whined.

Nate got up and took me into his arms. His hold was definitely different from Ian's. It was strong and confident. Ian started the music and then he left the room.

"Ian!" I called out.

"Leave him. It's difficult for him…to see us together." We glided across the floor. "We talked. He told me about your deal."

"My deal?" I questioned him.

"Well, not a deal exactly, the agreement. The one until you say 'I do'."

"Nate, I…"

"Just dance." He smiled. Then he stared into my eyes.

When he looked at me like this I felt vulnerable. I didn't like feeling like this. I looked down and I could feel the blush on my cheeks.

"It's nice to know that I can still do that to you." He smiled his beautiful smile and twirled me effortlessly around the room.

When the song ended he leaned close to my ear. "I really wanted to kiss you." He kissed me on the cheek.

When he pulled back from my cheek I saw Ian standing in the doorway. "I heard the music stop." He was solemn.

Nate walked towards him. "She's all yours. But you knew that." Nate left the room.

Ian came back to me. He was quiet. He took me in his arms and when the next song began he started to dance. He wouldn't look at me though. This frustrated me.

"Hey!"

He gave me an exasperated look. "What?"

"I didn't kiss him."

"But you wanted to." Again I could feel the heat in my cheeks.

He let go of me and backed away quickly. It suddenly occurred to me that he set me up. I walked towards him. "You set me up. Why would you do that?"

He backed up but didn't speak.

I was angry and I kept pacing forward. "Ian! Why did you leave the room?" I was in his face.

"You're not afraid of me?" he asked.

I realized that even though I knew he was angry that I didn't back down.

"I guess I'm not."

"Good, 'cause I'm _really_ jealous right now but I can take it as long as you're not afraid of me." He stepped forward and took my face in his hands and pressed his lips ferociously to mine. It could only be described as an angry kiss. The kind one would give if they were trying to establish ownership. He nibbled my lips and parts of me jumped with electricity.

I breathed out the words in between his kisses. "I think we should go back to our room." He slung me over his back like a caveman and walked briskly through the caverns to our room. Once inside he flung me down on the bed.

"If your clothes aren't off in thirty seconds, I'm ripping them off," he ordered.

I felt his demand and his actions were quite hostile. I decided to speak up.

"Whoa! Are you mad at me?"

I stopped him in his tracks.

"I guess maybe I am. I'm sorry."

"Ian. I want to make love to you. I don't even mind it rough, but if you are angry about Nate, then I'm sorry. I have been very up front with you about my feelings for Nate and you put me in a very awkward position today. If anyone should be angry it should be me."

He took a deep breath. "You're right. I asked you to be patient with me and you have been. You don't deserve my anger." He knelt on the bed towards me. "Forgive me?"

He was so damned adorable. "I hate when you get all puppy dog like that."

"Can I _take_ your clothes off instead of ripping them off?"

"No. Now I'm not in the mood." I was being a brat.

He leaned in and kissed my neck. "How about if I do this?"

"No."

He stood up and took off his shirt revealing his muscular body. He slid back on the bed and pulled my shirt up revealing my stomach. He kissed my stomach down to my jean line as he pulled open my jeans. "How about now?"

"My lips are up here." I said pointing to my lips.

"Okay." He crouched over the top of me and kissed me. He made sure he nibbled my lips. Then he opened his mouth and pushed his tongue into mine and our tongues were playfully caressing each other. When he pulled away he took a deep breath. "How about now?"

I sighed as I said, "Oh I don't know. I don't really feel like sex right now." He fell on the bed on his back.

"Oh come on. You're killing me here!"

I straddled him. I was in control now. "Will you obey me?"

I knew it killed him to be subservient. I pulled off my top and he reached for me. I waved my finger at him. "Uh-uh. Will you obey me?"

"Wanderer…" he moaned.

"Answer the question."

"For how long?"

"Forever of course." I smiled an evil grin.

"Can I play rough?" He was trying to bargain.

I bit my lower lip. "The question?" I reminded him.

He didn't answer.

"Oh well, I guess I'll go do laundry." I started to get off of him.

He caught me and pulled to his chest. "I'll obey you. I'm your servant," he conceded.

"I thought so."

That night the sex was rough and playful. We both came away with a few loving bruises but it was worth it. We hadn't been anything but serious in a while. It was nice to have the playful Ian back.

The following day was Kyle's birthday. I dragged Ian to Kyle's room first thing to give them their dual gifts. Kyle threw on a pair of pants and then let us in.

"Happy Birthday Kyle!"

"Hey Sis!"

I have a gift for you and a gift for Ian. I got you both the same thing so you can play together. I handed each of them a boxed gift and ordered them to unwrap it. They both got into the box at the same time and pulled out a top of the line baseball glove.

"Here. I got you a six pack of balls. I thought you might at least be able to throw the ball around in the main cavern."

"Thanks Sis, this is good," Kyle said jubilantly.

Ian looked at me. "You don't need us right?"

I nodded. "Right. That's the plan."

They needed no more coaxing. They took off for the main cavern leaving Sunny and me to get everything ready for the party. I was hungry.

"I think we should eat first," I said to Sunny.

"Sure. If you can eat then I'm a happy camper," Sunny replied.

We went to the kitchen. Nate and Burns were there with Ice and Aaron. I still felt very uneasy around Aaron.

I turned to Sunny. "Maybe we should come back later." I muttered to her as I tried to turn back in the direction we had come from but Nate saw me.

"Hello, Beautiful!"

I turned around and waved half heartedly. "Hi."

I don't know if Nate picked up on my reluctance to Aaron or if he thought I was avoiding _him._ He marched right up to me, hugged me, and kissed me on the cheek. He whispered in my ear. "You look lovely as always."

He took me by the hand and led me past the others to the food that Heidi and Violetta had prepared. "So, what does our little dancer want for breakfast?"

"Well, if I let you dole it out, I'll be eating for two," I said snidely.

"You're not trying to tell me something, are you?" he joked.

"NO!" I hissed.

"Whoa, it's not like _I_ got you pregnant!" he remarked.

Sunny heard him. "You're pregnant?" she stammered. The others all turned to stare at me now.

I balled my hands into fists. "I AM NOT PREGNANT!" I bellowed. I smacked Nate on the shoulder and continued to yell at him. "And _YOU_ shouldn't be spreading rumors!"

"You mean like you are going to name your first son Nate Jr?" He was on a roll. I clenched my teeth and screeched as I shoved him in the chest backing him up a few steps.

He grabbed my wrists and held them. He snickered as he leaned towards me. "What are you going to do now?"

I had two choices. I could kick him in which case he would be going down in a hurry or I surrender and let him win. As angry as I was I couldn't hurt Nate but I wasn't going to lose so I made a third choice. I went for shock factor. I leaned forward and opened my mouth slightly and kissed him right smack on the lips. I tasted his sexy lips with my tongue. It only lasted a few seconds but he was dazed and so was everyone else.

I turned to the others. "Well, that shut him up."

I went to Heidi. "Can I get some scrambled eggs and bacon, please?"

As Heidi put the food on the plate, the others came to life. Ice mocked him. "Nate, you should have seen the look on your face!"

I thanked Heidi and marched over to a cubby and sat down to eat. Sunny got her food and sat next to me. Under her breath, she said, "You are in so much trouble!"

"It was worth it to get the best of him for once."

"No fighting at Kyle's party," she warned.

"I don't intend to fight," I remarked.

"Ian's going to flip."

"I won't let him go to the party till he's calm."

"And what if he, you know, loses it?"

"I don't know. I don't want to think about it."

We ate our food in silence. Nate approached me with his arms up. "Truce."

"Ugh!" Sunny groaned as she walked away.

Nate leaned close so the others wouldn't hear. "He's going to be pissed. You did that in front of witnesses."

"Would it have been better if we were alone?" I asked.

"Would you have kissed me if we were alone?"

"Nope. I would have walked away, but I wasn't losing to you in front of all of _them_."

He looked at me seriously. "So, what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to tell him," I said flatly.

"Don't do it when you're alone," he pleaded.

"I have to. If he's going to hit me, it's better to find out now before we are married."

He looked at me with creased eyebrows. "You did this as a test?" It was an accusation.

"No, not on purpose. You started this mess remember?"

"Let me tell him then."

"No."

"Then take Burns with you for protection," he demanded.

"No, Nate. Look, he's playing ball with Kyle. I'm going to help Sunny with the party and then I'll tell him. If you tell him before I do, I will never talk to you again. And I mean it!"

"But…" he objected.

"No buts!" I was adamant. I hugged him and whispered in his ear. "I'll be alright, I need to believe that."

After breakfast Sunny and I went to the game room to decorate. "Don't say anything in front of his parents."

"I won't. I just don't understand you sometimes."

"Sometimes, I don't understand me either. I can only tell you that I didn't kiss him as a romantic gesture."

"I'm sure Ian will believe you," Sunny said sarcastically.

A short while later Ian and Kyle entered the room. We were nearly finished with the decorations.

Kyle spoke first. "Hey, ladies. What's shakin'?"

Ian came up behind me and wrapped himself around me. "I'm sweaty. Want to take a bath with me?"

Perfect, I thought. He wouldn't kill me if I was naked in front of him. I turned to Ian. "That sounds perfect."

Sunny turned suddenly and bellowed. "Are you out of your mind?"

"Shut up, Sunny," I snapped back.

"What?" Ian asked. She had roused his suspicions.

"You're not going near the water with her," Sunny ordered.

Ian looked at Sunny. "What is your problem?"

I took Ian by the arm and dragged him out of the room.

"What's going on Wanderer?"

I grabbed his hand and pulled him all the way to the bathing room. It was empty. I pulled him inside just as Kyle showed up.

"Kyle, stay away!" I pulled the door shut.

Ian looked like a deer in headlights. "Babydoll, what's going on?"

"Let me start by saying that I'm not afraid of you."

"O-kay?" he said nervously.

I took a deep breath. "I kissed Nate."

"You what?" he snapped.

"And I did it in front of a bunch of people."

He stepped back away from me all the way to the other side of the tub and he grabbed his head in agony. "Why would you do that?"

I was scared to death but I tried very hard not to show it. I gathered my courage and walked around the tub towards him. "Let me explain."

"I don't want to hear it!" he hissed.

I didn't want to push my luck. I could see he was shaking with anger. I stepped slowly closer to him.

"Wanderer, don't. Please just stay away."

"Ian, it's not what you think!"

"You just told me that you made out with Nate in front of a room full of people. What am I supposed to think?"

I kept walking towards him and he kept backing up. When he backed into the wall, he slid down until he was sitting with his knees up.

"Please," I pleaded. "Just let me explain."

He put his elbows on his knees and held his forehead in his hands. He wouldn't look at me. He spoke softly. "Talk."

I spoke like I was in a speed race. "Okay. I went to the kitchen with Sunny to get breakfast. Burns, Nate, Aaron, and Ice were there and so were Heidi and Violetta."

"That's just great," he muttered.

I continued. "Nate dragged me over to the food. Now, you see, when we were at the mountain, Nate made breakfast for me and it was a ton of food. So, when he asked what I wanted, I passed the comment that if it was up to him, I'd be eating enough for two. Then he alluded to me being pregnant and you know how I feel about that subject. I told him I wasn't. Then he said 'it's not like _I_ got you pregnant' and the others heard it. They all thought I was pregnant! It pissed me off."

Ian started to laugh.

"It's not funny!" I screeched. My anger was surfacing all over again.

He quickly composed himself. "You're right. It's not."

"I told everyone I wasn't pregnant and I smacked him in the arm and I told him he shouldn't start rumors. You know what he said?"

Ian stared at his hands. "I can only imagine."

"He said, 'like the one about how you promised to name the baby Nate Jr?' I went crazy. I pushed him and he grabbed my wrists. He thought he was real cute. He said, 'what are you going to do now?' I wasn't going to let him get the better of me in front of all those people. I figured I had two choices. I could kick him where it hurts or I could go for shock value."

Ian shook his head acknowledging my choice. He spoke very low. "So you kissed him."

"Yes, but it wasn't meant to be romantic."

He sighed. "Why couldn't you just kick him?"

"The same reason I could never kick you."

He spoke barely above a whisper now. "Because you love him."

"I'm sorry."

He let out a little growl. "If it had been Burns, would you have kissed him?"

"I don't know. Probably not."

He was silent. I waited for him to say something. He didn't.

I decided to break the silence. "Do you want to break up with me?"

He answered without hesitation. "God, no."

"Do you want to hurt me?"

He looked up at me for the first time. "No."

I was relieved. He had answered the two toughest questions. Now I needed to get him to want to touch me. "Do you want to have angry sex with me?"

"No."

I took off my shoes, my halter dress, and my panties. He didn't show much interest. I slid into the tub. "I thought you wanted to take a bath."

"I don't want to anymore."

I went to the edge of the tub closest to where he was sitting. Nudity was Ian's greatest weakness and it didn't work. I was getting desperate. "Look, Ian. I know what I did was wrong. I guess I should have let Nate make a fool of me, but I lost my temper. I'm sorry. I'm willing to take whatever punishment you want, just don't drown me." I meant it as a joke but I wanted to take it back as soon as I said it.

He just sat there.

"Please?" I paused at the edge of the tub. One more try I thought. "It's cold in here. Won't you warm me up?"

He was exasperated. He stood up. "Why can't you just stop loving him?"

Now I was exasperated. I snapped back at him. "Because I can't. You know what? Just forget it."

I crossed back to the other side and started to climb out of the tub. Ian jumped in fully clothed including his shoes and pulled me back into the tub.

"Ian!" I screeched.

Kyle burst into the room. "Ian, don't do it," he warned.

Ian had been standing behind me and now he shifted quickly in front of me to block his brother's view of my naked body. "I wasn't going to hurt her. Do you mind _not_ staring at my naked fiancée?"

Kyle turned quickly away from us. "Sorry, man. I just thought…"

"I said it once and I'll say it again. I will never hurt her again. Thanks for all the faith 'Bro'."

"Okay, I'm leaving but I'm not going far. Sunny told me not to come back until you were out of the bathing room."

"Fine!" Ian hissed.

Kyle left the room. Ian backed away from me and ducked under the water for a long time before he finally came up.

"Why did you jump in with your clothes on?"

"I don't know. I had to do something. I'm so freaking mad at you right now." He reached into the water and pulled off his sneakers and set them at the edge of the tub.

"What can I do to make it up to you?" I crossed the tub and tried to put my arms around his neck.

He pulled my arms away. "Wanderer, please. I'm not in the mood."

I had been shot down again. He took off his socks and squeezed them out. He took off his khaki's and squeezed them out. I decided my best chance now was the straight up tease.

I became provocative. I used my eyes when I spoke to him. "Ian, would you feel better if you spanked me?"

"No, if I spank you, I might lose control and hurt you. I'm really not in a _fun_ mood. I _hate_ that you love him."

I was on the defensive. "He hates that I love you. I can't change who I am. No matter what body you put me in, I'll still love both of you."

He was quiet. I pulled myself out of the tub and sat on the side. I put my head in my hands. I didn't know what else to do. I started to cry. "I'm sorry if I can't be what you want me to be."

He sighed. "That's just it, Wanderer. You are everything I want."

I tried to figure out what was wrong with me. "Ian, I've been on this planet for less than two years. Everything here is so…" I couldn't find the word. "Most of the things I've experienced have been through memories that aren't even mine. I want to do so many things and sometimes I think I just get selfish."

He looked at me with such pain. "Wanderer, I can only take so much. First, Nate coaxes you out of that hole. Do you know how that made me feel? Then you couldn't deny that you wanted to kiss him when you were dancing with him and now this. My patience is gone. Do you _want_ to be with me?"

"YES!" I slipped back into the tub and began walking towards him. "Please, Ian. I'm begging."

He put his hands on my face. "I want you so bad, it hurts."

I put my hands on his chest. "I'm right here."

"I'm not just talking about your body. I want your soul."

Tears began to stream down my face. I was torturing him. I wasn't used to all these emotions. For thousands of years my focus was on whatever was in front of me. I had choices now and I didn't know how to handle it. I looked at him through my tears. "How do you do it?" I asked.

"Do what?"

"Choose just one?"

"Wanderer, one of the things I love most about you is your innocence. There are different kinds of love. You can love many people in different ways. But the kind of love I have for you is all encompassing. You are the one I want to wake up with every morning. You are the one I want to bear my children. You are the one who drives me crazy sexually. You are the one I want to share every important moment in my life with and most important; you are the one I can't live without."

I was sobbing. "Please Ian." My body was heaving with the sobs. I tried hard to get the words out. "That's how I feel about you. When I'm with you, you are the _only_ one I think about. When I'm with Nate, even though I enjoy being with him; you are _always_ on my mind. That's the difference in my love for him and my love for you. You _are_ the one I can't live without."

We were standing only a foot apart. He pulled my face to his. "Thank you."

He kissed me tenderly which led to the slow burn kiss. He kissed the tears on my face as if each tear was an important moment in my life that he didn't want to miss. We had been in the cool water for some time and I was cold. A shiver ran down my spine.

"You're shivering. Are you afraid of me?"

"No. I'm cold, but when I told you before that I wasn't afraid of you, I lied."

"Are you kidding? I was scared to death that I was going to lose it."

I looked at his beautiful blue eyes. "But you didn't." He picked me up and sat me on the edge of the tub. He got out and pulled me to my feet.

"I just kept telling myself that I love you and when you asked me not to drown you; that was like a dagger to my heart."

"I'm sorry; I wanted to take it back as soon as I said it."

"That's why Sunny didn't want you to come here with me. She actually thought I would drown you. It's nice to know everyone thinks so highly of me."

"Well, I say we go to the party and show them just how happy we are."

"_Are_ you happy?" He put his hands on my hips.

"I'm very happy and I can't wait to be your wife."

"We had a really good talk here today."

"We did. I love you, Superman."

"I'm not going to say it."

"Oh please!" I pouted. "Please, please, please."

He used the moment to his advantage. "Will you obey me?"

I played along. "For how long?"

He put his hand on his chin and looked at the ceiling as if he was thinking. "Only for…..EVER!"

"Forever is a long time," I replied.

"I wish it was longer because that's how long I will love you."

I smiled. "I didn't say I obey."

"Well, even if you say it, you won't." I knew he didn't say it to hurt me but because he believed it to be true.

Ian helped me put my clothes on and he wrapped himself in a towel. I cradled my arm in his. "Shall we?"

"Well, I'm not leaving without you."

We exited the bathing room. Kyle was sitting outside the door sulking. "It's my birthday and I get stuck babysitting my psycho brother."

"Hey! I resemble that remark!'

We all laughed and headed down the tunnel. Ian and I went back to our room to get ready for the party.

"I hope you don't think you are going to be putting any clothes on now do you?"

Finally, the sexually charged Ian I had been trying to ignite in the bathing room came to life. "Are you asking me to obey you?" I teased.

"I'm asking you to fulfill my desires I tried very hard to suppress back there in the bathing room."

"So, you _did _want me?"

"Babydoll, I always want you."

He took me and I was his willing slave. I'd have to say we were both pretty happy by the time we left for the party. I was definitely dressed to impress. I had my little pink tiered mini skirt on with my black spike heels. Ian wore the same outfit he had on the day he met me at the jeep.

When we entered the party holding hands we turned a lot of heads. Sure, most of them were just shocked to see that Ian hadn't killed me but we were definitely the 'hot' couple at the party. I went to Sunny. "See? I told you everything would be fine." I looked at Ian across the room. "It doesn't get any finer than that!"

Ian made a beeline to Nate. I prayed he wouldn't start anything. They came to me together. Nate spoke. "Ian says you two want to come back to the mountain and he wants to bring his parents. What would you say to that?"

I was very excited. His parents would love it on the mountain. I wanted to hug Nate but I didn't want to hurt Ian.

Ian saw my intense excitement. "Go ahead, hug him."

I pounced on Nate. He hugged me back. Then I pounced on Ian.

"This is going to be great!"

So the party was a success. Ian and I had a great time and we were the couple 'in love'. We couldn't keep our hands off of each other all night. Even Nate seemed happy to see Ian and I so involved with each other. Ian's parents were thrilled to be invited to the mountain and it was decided we would all leave tomorrow night.


	34. Chapter 34

**So it has been a shaky weekend with the site, I hope you all had a chance to read chapter 33. It's hard to know since many of you who regularly review didn't or couldn't. I hope you enjoy this chapter and I hope I hear from you. Thank you all for sticking with me.-NL**

TURNABOUT

IAN'S PARENTS COULDN'T RUN TO THE GARAGE. Besides, the jeep wouldn't hold Ian, me, Nate, Burns, Maggie, and Tom; so it was decided that Nate, Burns, and Ian would run to the garage. Ian would drive Nate and Burns to the wash where the truck was parked and then return to the caverns to pick up Me, Tom, and Maggie. Tom and Maggie were excited to go to the mountain since Ian talked incessantly about it from the time they agreed to go.

Ian drove since it was night. I sat up front with him.

"Ian, don't forget to turn on the lights when you get to the highway." I still felt guilty for not asking the same of Brandt.

He reached across the seat and took my hand in his. "I won't forget." He gently squeezed my hand.

Maggie took the opportunity to start a conversation. "I don't want to sound pushy, but when is the wedding?"

Ian and I had avoided having this discussion. We were just happy to be in a committed relationship and he knew I didn't want to get pregnant until I was eighteen. We looked at each other. I think we were both hoping the other would answer the question.

"I didn't mean to pry," Maggie apologized.

"Mom, you're not prying. The wedding was originally set for October twenty fifth but I have no idea where we stand in the completion of the buildings. We were on a schedule and that has obviously changed. With the weather getting so cold we are definitely going to need to put in heat."

I added my two cents. "I was planning the wedding and the reception and I was even getting new outfits for everyone at the caverns to wear. They haven't had a lot of the luxuries that the family at the mountain have. Burns has been the resident shopper for them for years. I was the first soul in the caverns. Before that, they had to go on 'raids' and steal what they could. You will see a big difference in how each family lives. I'm not nearly done with all the things I need to get for this wedding. Sunny was helping me until…" I stopped talking. The memory of Ian strangling me sent a shudder through my body. Ian picked up on it.

He placed his hand gently on the side of my neck and rubbed it with his thumb. He looked at me as he spoke. "Never again. This wedding _will_ happen this time, I promise you."

"So, I guess you will evaluate once you get to the mountain," Maggie surmised.

"Yeah, once he peels all those kids off of him."

"What do you mean?" Tom asked.

"He's the Coach. He might as well be God. Let me tell you when I was up here last time and I walked into that class room with Nate; the first words out of Blake's mouth were 'is Coach back?' Nate told him that Ian was visiting with his parents and that he wouldn't be back for a while. I never saw so many sad faces." I turned to Ian. "You are their hero."

"You're embarrassing me," he muttered in a low voice. I wanted to respond but I turned on the radio instead.

"Wanderer, you need to sleep. You'll be driving in less than six hours."

"I know. I sleep better with the music on." He reached over and held my hand. I pulled it to my face and lay my head on the glove compartment between the seats. I don't remember nodding off.

"Wake up, Babydoll. The sun is coming up. You need to drive." He cradled my face in his hands and leaned over to kiss my lips. I sat up in the seat. We were in the parking lot of a supermarket. "I spoke to Nate. They are stopping at the campground. I know you don't like to go there but my parents will need to use the facilities and it will give you a chance to take a nap if you need it. They said they'll wait for us."

"Okay, I'm going to go into the store and get some breakfast for us."

When I returned to the car, Ian was in the back seat with his parents. He managed to get them to move over enough for him to squeeze in.

"Ian?"

"Yeah?"

I handed him a warm breakfast sandwich and a cup of coffee. "Remember last night you said I embarrassed you?"

"I remember."

"Well, you're my hero too, Superman." He leaned around the seat with a mouth full of food to kiss me. "Ew, gross!"

"Hey, heroes have to eat too!" he mumbled as he chewed.

It took two hours to reach the campground. Maggie and Tom woke up shortly before we got there and Ian fell asleep. Nate and Burns were already there.

Burns approached me as I got out of the car. "Hey. Nate is asleep."

"So is Ian."

"I thought maybe you and I could grab an hour or two before we head out. Do you think Maggie and Tom will be okay with that?"

Ian's parents were standing at the back of the car obviously looking for the bathroom. I approached them. "Nate and Ian are both asleep. Burns thinks he and I should sleep a little longer. Will you be all right here for a few hours while we sleep?"

"Sure, darling. We used to camp all the time," Maggie replied.

"Well just remember, you are human. If there is anyone else here, they _won't_ be. You don't want to be seen. Oh yeah, and there are bears. I can tell you that from personal experience. If you want, you can sit in the front seat of the car so Ian can have the back seat. I'll be in the truck with Burns and Nate. I can lay down there."

I laid down in the truck in front of Nate. Burns crawled in next to me putting me in the middle. There was a nip in the air so Burns pulled a couple of sleeping bags from the storage container and he handed one to me. I opened it all the way so it was a blanket and covered me and Nate with it.

I don't know how long I slept but Burns woke both me and Nate. I was snuggled up against Nate and he had one arm slung over me. When he woke and realized he had been sleeping with me he laughed. "I finally get to sleep with you and I don't remember it."

Ian rounded the back of the truck and saw me and Nate lying in the truck together. "Why are you always trying to hit on my girl?"

Nate played innocent. "Hey, she laid next to _me_!"

I shook my head. "At least I kept you warm."

"You sure did," he grinned evilly.

I climbed out of the truck and walked towards the sedan with Ian. Nate called out. "Hey! Come back!"

Before we got back in the car, Ian pressed me up against the driver's door. He raised his eyebrow. "I'm not jealous."

"Good, because you shouldn't be."

He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. I think he meant it to be a benign kiss but I would not let go. I kept on kissing him until I felt breathless and dizzy. In another place, this kiss would have led to love making but instead we both got in the car wanting more.

In the evening as the sun went down, I stopped at a town and got fast food chicken dinners for all. After a gas stop, I moved to the passenger seat and Ian drove. We arrived at the mountain right about midnight. It was cold, so different from our desert home. Nate and Burns had arrived shortly before us. Burns offered his room to Tom and Maggie. He volunteered to sleep on the couch. I thought that was very noble of him. Nate pulled the warning shades before leaving for the cave. He figured it would keep the kids away so Burns could sleep in. Ian and I went straight to bed. I fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.

In the morning, the house was still quiet when I woke. Ian was gone. I grabbed my robe and went to the bathroom. I could hear low voices coming from the kitchen. I poked my head into the kitchen. Ian, Maggie, Tom, and Burns were all sitting around the table drinking coffee and talking. Ian spotted me first because he was facing the door.

"There's my beautiful bride. Come join us Wanderer."

I grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down. Maggie finished her cup and jumped up. "I'll make breakfast," she announced.

I immediately got up to help her.

"No. You sit down. Enjoy your coffee. I got it."

Ian pulled me onto his lap. It was a very strange feeling. It was as if we were a real family with Burns included. We had normal conversations about how we were going to spend our day. After breakfast Ian and I cleaned up the dishes while the others showered and dressed.

Ian's parents were watching TV by the time we were appropriately dressed. Nate was with them. He took it upon himself to be the welcoming committee as always. We all walked together to the new building. Nate knocked on the door before entering.

"Hello, everyone. Mind if we come in for a minute?"

Miranda came to the door. "Nate, you're back. How is everything at the caverns?"

"We can talk later. I brought a surprise for the kids."

Nate stepped through the door, followed by Maggie and Tom and then me and finally Ian.

"Coach!" The kids called out. They all got up from their seats and rushed towards him until he was surrounded. They all started talking at once.

"Can we have practice?" Blake asked.

"I've been practicing my hitting," Danny shouted.

"You should see the dugout!" Megan added.

"Yeah, it's so cool!" Carlos crowed.

Ian was glowing at the attention he was receiving. Maggie looked like she was about to burst with pride.

"Kids! Kids! Calm down! We'll play some ball _after_ school, so I suggest you get back in your seats and do your work. I'll see you all at the field after lunch."

The next stop was the second building. It turns out Tom had done construction in his younger years during his summers in college. He was familiar with both plumbing and heating. He told Ian and Burns he would sit down with them and talk about the best methods to use. Digging would be the hardest part for the sceptic tank unless Burns could wrangle up the machinery somewhere.

Nate took us to the cave where Tom and Maggie met most of the adults. Oddly enough, Maggie seemed to really hit it off with Maria, the same lady Jeb had gotten along with. Victoria came in covered with paint.

We hadn't told Ian's parents about his near death experience. When Victoria was introduced to Maggie she greeted her by saying, "Sorry about shooting your son, good thing he's strong." Maggie was shocked by the comment. Ian intervened. "It was just a flesh wound Mom."

Later Nate took us for a walk in the woods. It was the same route he and I had traveled several times when we were alone. I felt uneasy and Ian picked up on it when he saw me fidgeting with my ring. "You okay?"

I had been distracted and Ian brought me back to the present. I smiled although it was forced. "I'm fine."

Ian could see right through me.

"You want to walk with me?" he offered.

"Yes, I'd like that."

Ian took my hand and led me away from the others. We walked in silence for a bit. Ian made small talk. "The leaves are turning. It's beautiful out here."

I didn't speak. Memories of spending time with Nate were haunting me.

"Babydoll, talk to me."

"I don't know what to say. I just have these guilty feelings."

"You don't need to feel guilty. We were split up at the time."

"Maybe we were, but in my mind we've never really been split up."

"It's good to hear you feel that way."

"I just love you so much and we have been on this roller coaster for so long. Ian, I was hoping…"

"What?"

Ian had so much to do to prepare for the wedding. I didn't want to put more pressure on him. "Never mind."

"Tell me."

"Never mind. It's impossible anyway."

"Babydoll, are you going to tell me what's on your mind or not?" He cradled my chin in his hand. "Talk…to…me."

"I was hoping we could get married before the end of the year."

The look of worry faded from his face and was replaced with a huge smile that reached all the way to his eyes. "In a hurry to be Mrs. O'Shea huh?"

I put on a pouty smile. "Yes, I want to spend time being your wife before I become someone's mom."

"It can be done but not without sacrifice," he stated.

"What kind of sacrifice?"

He sighed. "Well, I won't be able to go back to the caverns before the wedding. I'm looking at two months work to complete these buildings complete with heat and a bathroom in the bunkhouse. I know you will need to return to the caverns to finish all that you have to accomplish there. That will mean us spending time apart again."

Again with the choices. I sighed. "Well, I don't have to leave just yet."

"I love you Babydoll. You keep that ring on that left hand you hear me?" He caught on that I had removed the ring in these woods. It was almost as if he could read my mind.

"This ring is right where it should be." I put my arms around his neck. He leaned back away from my face.

He cocked his eyebrow. "What do you want?"

"You know what I want."

"Say it."

"I want _you_ Ian Thomas O'Shea. I want you to kiss me right now."

His lips were warm and soft in the chilly fall air. The warmth of his body filled me. I remember telling Nate that if I made love to him on the porch I would be cold. If I made love to Ian right now, I don't think I'd feel the cold one little bit.

Before lunch, Ian and I went to the field to check on its condition and the equipment. The grass had turned brown with the cold. The dirt infield obviously hadn't been raked in some time. I watched as Ian entered the dugout to look for the equipment.

"What the…"

I entered the dugout and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Victoria did it. Do you like it?"

"You knew about this?"

"Nate brought me here when we were split up. We were going to have practice and Nate didn't want me to see it for the first time with all the kids here."

"That's me." He kept staring at the mural.

"Yes and she did it from memory."

"I don't know what to say. It's amazing," he paused. "I'm very flattered."

"You should tell her that."

"What's in the other dugout?"

"I don't know. There was nothing when I was here last."

We walked over to the dugout. Inside was a painting of a baseball diamond. Each position had the face of one of the kids. Blake's face was on the pitcher's mound. Carlos' face was painted at home plate. Danny's was on first, Jamie's on second, and Megan on third. Sarah was in left field and Dean was in right field. Little Ben was in center field. The short stop position had Ian's face with 'Coach' written above it.

He wrapped himself around me. His voice hitched as he spoke. "This is too much."

"Nate said he gave Victoria free reign to do whatever she wanted. This is her vision. She obviously sees this as your place."

He took a few deep breathes. The equipment was no where to be found so we walked to the root cellar to check if the equipment had been stored there. When we entered the root cellar the mural that I had seen as four women and a mountain was now glorious. She had added so much detail. Ian was seeing it for the first time.

"This is awesome."

"Nate decided to cover up the blood stained holes. I think he was trying to erase the bad memories. Victoria asked if she could paint something and this is it. It's Guatemala, the last place she went before my kind came."

"She's definitely got some talent."

The equipment was in the root cellar as we had suspected. Ian grabbed the heavy bag and I took the bucket of balls. We toted everything to the cave and lunch was just being served. Sandwiches and chips were on the menu. Ian's parents were already there with Nate.

Ian asked Nate. "Have you seen Victoria?"

"No, why would I?" Nate answered.

I clarified. "Ian saw the dugout. He wanted to thank her."

"Oh. Did you check the root cellar?"

"Yeah, she wasn't there."

"I could check her room if you want. I'm sure she'll show up for practice. She always watches Danny play."

Nate took his sandwich with him as he disappeared in the cave. School let out and the kids showed up for lunch.

Megan approached me and Ian. "You didn't bring Jamie. Is it because of the phone call?"

"Oh, no, sweetie. Of course not. It's just that we took the sedan and there were already four of us. There was no room. It had nothing to do with punishment. With Mel getting closer to her due date, they would probably prefer having Jamie somewhere else. I'll be going back before too long to do wedding stuff and when I return, I promise to bring him with me." Megan looked so sad. I felt bad for her because I knew what it was like to miss Ian.

After lunch, we all headed for the field. Ian's parents came along to see him coach. We all did warm ups while Ian put down the bases. He had us run a long lap around the far edges of the field. I think it was in part to warm us up and in part so he could warm up his own arm. Blake stayed behind to throw with him. First drill was outfield catching and throwing. Ian batted it to the outfield. When you were up, you were expected to catch it and then throw it to Blake on second base. If you failed to make the catch or you made a bad throw; you had to run to third base and then back to the end of the line in the outfield.

After a little while, Burns showed up. "Have you seen Nate?"

"Not since lunch," Ian replied. He asked Burns to stay and help with practice. Burns took Blake's place on second and Blake joined the rest to us in the outfield.

I decided to check on Ian's parents who were sitting in the dugout. Ian didn't say anything when I left the field. Ian's parents were quite impressed with the pictures in the dugouts.

"These are lovely," Maggie said. "Who did these?"

"Victoria."

"Isn't she the girl who said she shot Ian?"

"Yes, it's a long story. Victoria and her brother Danny were on the run for the last six years. The last two, they had been living in the woods pretty much like animals." I pointed to Danny when it was his turn to make the next catch. "That's Danny out there." I turned back to face Maggie and Tom. "Anyway, Burns got a call from the local police saying there were humans spotted at the campground. They think Burns is a Seeker. They told him that if he couldn't catch them within the week, then they would have to call in reinforcements because apparently the humans were carrying weapons. Burns didn't want it to come down to that for obvious reasons. He took Nate, Ian, and Evan with him because the campground had been closed. I wasn't here at the time. I was at the caverns. Actually, I was in Tucson with Sunny on a road trip. Victoria shot Ian thinking he was a Seeker. She was trying to protect Danny." I closed my eyes as the memory of that day crept back into my head. I spoke slowly and deliberately. "I thought I had heard the last words from his mouth that day." I paused. I was blinking back the tears. "I never want to feel that kind of pain again in my lifetime." I took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. "He's okay now. Just a small scar where the bullet entered his abdomen."

"He said it was a flesh wound," Maggie recalled.

"He said it to protect you. I can't blame Victoria now, but at the time I did. I hated her. Now you see the beauty she creates." I looked at the pictures. "I wonder where she is?"

Ian called out to me. "Princess! Are you coming back to practice?"

Ian almost never called me princess so I was sure he didn't mean it in a loving way. "I gotta go. He'll make me run."

I rushed back to the outfield. Ian stood there waiting. "You are wasting my time." He called out as he looked at his wrist even though he wasn't wearing a watch.

"Sorry, Coach." I made my catch but in my haste I threw the ball wide and missed Burns altogether.

"Focus, Wanderer," he groaned. "Run it out!"

I ran to third base and then back to the outfield.

After practice, Ian called everyone to take a knee. "We may have a few more practices if the weather holds but I will be focusing most of my time and attention on completing the buildings for my wedding. Next practice, we will be concentrating on batting. Have a good night."

The kids all gathered in a circle and put their hands together. Blake yelled "One, two, three!" and they all yelled "Coach!" together.

After they left, Ian turned to me. "Are you mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad at you?"

"The 'princess' remark and the fact that I was tough on you."

"I'm used to that. It doesn't bother me anymore. Your mom might have something to say though."

"Where did they go?"

"They walked back with Burns. Aren't you forgetting something?"

Ian came over and put his arms around me. "I love you," he cooed.

"No, no! You owe me a lap. You always run a lap after you've been tough on me in front of the kids. "

He smiled. "Okay, I can do that."

I gathered up the loose balls in the bucket while Ian ran. When he returned he again put his arms around me. "Now can I say how much I love you?"

"How much _do_ you love me?"

"First you tell me how much you love _me_."

I fed into his set up, hook, line, and sinker. "I love you more than I love Nate."

"Well, I love you…more."

I laughed. Ian pulled me into his arms and kissed me for a long time while we stood there on the baseball field.

That evening after dinner Burns asked us if we wanted to go to the game room. On most nights people were playing pool and usually a card game was going on as well. We just wanted to spend time alone so we stayed at the house and watched the comedy shows on TV. Comedy was the one thing the souls in the outside world did well. He and I curled up on the couch with a blanket. We kissed each other during the commercials. A few other people joined us in the living room, mostly kids. Little Ben, Nate's niece Priscilla who was the only child on the mountain that had no interest in baseball and her mom, Kim joined us. George was there too but I think he was there more for the warmth rather than the shows. He was getting older and the cold bothered him. I kept thinking he would probably like the warmth of the caverns. The more I thought about it, I surmised to myself the older people should be at the caverns. It was warm and dry and comfortable. The young should be here. There was plenty to do and plenty of space for them to do it in.

By eleven o'clock the others had cleared out. The game room was shutting down because Burns was back ready to claim his couch. Maggie and Tom had come back around ten and were already in their room.

"Want to take a hot Jacuzzi?" I asked Ian.

"That sounds good."

I went in and started the water. Nate and Victoria came in to use the bathroom before returning to the cave.

I directed my attention to Victoria while Nate took the opportunity to go to the bathroom. "Hey Victoria. I've been looking for you."

"Really? I've been in the game room all night."

Ian returned from the bedroom in his robe and joined the conversation. "The paintings you did were really awesome. I'm very flattered that you drew my face on the dugout."

"Well, I'd like to tweak those if you don't mind. I need you to sit one day for about a half hour so I can make the necessary corrections."

"Sure. You just let me know when."

Nate came out of the bathroom. "All yours, Tori." Nate called her by her preferred name. I had forgotten about that.

Ian turned to Nate. "Are you joining us in the morning?"

"I'll be there. If you're late, _I'm_ coming to wake you." He smiled directly at me.

"He'll be on time," I assured him.

Tori came out of the bathroom and the two of them left together to go back to the cave. The bath was full. I grabbed my robe and stopped at the couch to kiss Burns goodnight. "Good night Burns. Don't let Nate see me naked."

"Keep your door locked," he joked. "See you in the morning. It's going to be a cold one."

I joined Ian in the tub and I lay in front of him against his chest. I had my hair piled up in a ball on top of my head with a clip. I lay my head against his shoulder as we relaxed and he caressed my body under the water.

"I was thinking…"

"What were you thinking my love?"

"I was thinking that the older people should be living at the caverns because its warm and dry and the younger people should be living here on the mountain were there is so much they can do. You know, George didn't want to watch those shows, he just wanted to stay warm."

"Yeah, I got that too. Your theory makes sense but people stay where they feel like they belong. The older they get, the harder it is to leave that place they call home."

"Old people move to Florida all the time," I replied.

"Well, there are young people in Florida too."

"That's because they have great beaches and Disney World! Disney World is awesome!"

"I'm guessing you've been there."

"Pet went and I have her memories," I reminded him.

"I've been to Disneyland but I've never been to Florida," Ian replied.

"Pet went when she was thirteen. Her family took a two week vacation and spent the whole time in Florida. They even spent four days in Key West. Pet's done a lot of traveling actually."

"Really, where has she been?"

"Let me think. She's been to New York. She liked it but it was dirty and crowded…and noisy. Washington DC. She's been there, she said it's a lot like New York but there was lots of history there. She's been to Mexico. She loved Mexico. She just went last year. There were boys…"

"I don't think I want to hear about that." He splashed water towards my face.

I jumped. "What? You don't want to hear about Jorge? And Alberto? And Miguel?" I teased.

"You asked me _not_ to drown you remember?"

I laughed as I turned towards him and laid my body on top of him. "They didn't compare to you. They were just boys." I pressed my lips to his.

"Not in the tub." Ian stopped me from reaching there.

"Why?"

"Burns is sleeping in the living room."

"So?"

"Wanderer, don't argue with me."

"Fine." He could tell the way I said it that I was annoyed so he tried to offer his explanation.

"Babydoll, I just think we would be too noisy in here with the water and all."

"Okay, let's go to the bedroom," I suggested.

Once in the bedroom he climbed onto the bed and hovered over me. "Now what was it that you wanted?"

"Gee, I forget." I was being a brat.

"Let me refresh your memory." He pulled open my robe and leaned in to kiss me. Within a minute I was taking off his robe and we made love. Afterwards, I lay happily in his arms.

It was warm with him wrapped around me but I was thinking about the cold that was coming very soon. "I think I'm going to take a road trip tomorrow."

"Why?"

"We need coats. I don't have a warm coat and you don't either. I thought I'd get a bunch at different stores. The people in the caverns don't have coats except maybe Jared and Jamie and I'm sure those are old and worn. You plan on working anyway tomorrow right?"

"Right. Burns may end up taking a road trip once we figure out what we need. He'll have to take the truck."

"Well, I'll just take the sedan."

"You'll call me?"

"I'm only going to Irving. I'll be back around dinner. Just wake me in the morning. Don't let me sleep in."

The following morning, Ian woke me. "Babydoll, time to get up. You've got a busy day, remember?" I thought it was odd that I never seemed to hear the alarm clock. Either Ian was quick to hit it or I was just oblivious to it. Maybe it's some weird alien thing. I rolled towards Ian and clung to him. "How about if we just stay here all day?"

"I thought you were shooting for a December wedding?"

I groaned. "Okay."

I crawled out of the bed. At least it was warm in the room. Ian was dressed and ready to leave by the time I got back from the bathroom.

"Burns has already left. I need to go."

"I'll bring you some coffee when I come to say good bye."

He kissed me quickly and he was gone.

I got dressed and went into the kitchen. I put on a fresh pot of coffee. I grabbed a tray and filled it with four coffee cups, milk, sugar, and spoons. I walked it out to the building and left it on a table they had set up inside. I checked to see how many were working. I found Ian, Burns, Nate, Tom, and Evan. By the time I returned to the house, the coffee was done brewing. I took one more cup from the cabinet and grabbed the hot pot of coffee. I was wearing a sweatshirt but it was still very chilly. Upon my arrival, I announced to the guys that there was fresh coffee and I dragged Ian outside to say good bye.

"I'll call Nate's phone to let you know when I get to Irving. I love you."

"I love you more." Ian kissed me passionately and I was on my way. The drive to Irving went quickly. It was easy to go over the speed limit without realizing it because the sedan drove so much smoother than the van. Once I got there, I called Nate.

"Well hello, Beautiful!" He was cheerful as always.

"Hi, Nate."

"You know you didn't kiss _me_ good bye."

"I don't think my fiancé would have appreciated it."

"Yeah, but you've got him under control now."

"Nate, you are not even funny. Let me talk to Ian."

The next voice I heard was Ian's. "Can I punch out Nate?"

"No, you need him to help you finish the building."

"I've been thinking. You have _too_ much control," he said.

I immediately feared that he might deliberately hurt Nate and blame it on an accident.

"Don't you dare!" I scolded.

"Don't worry, I won't. I love you way too much."

"Thank you. I'll call you when I'm on my way back."

"Okay, be safe my love."

I spent the entire day at the mall. This was something I was good at. Even though I saw so many things I wanted, I tried to remain focused on coats. I purchased two men's coats, two women's coats, and one child's coat at the first department store and I ran them out to the car. Then I did the same in each of the department stores that made up the four corners of the mall. By the time I was done I had twenty coats. I decided to eat an early dinner because I hadn't eaten all day. I went to the food court and ate Japanese food. There was much more than I could eat so I had the rest boxed up to take home. My last stop was the Wal-Mart on the other side of town to get five more coats. This way I had enough for anyone who might be interested at the mountain and I could get more at a later date for those at the caverns.

I got home late, the dinner dishes were done. Ian was in the game room playing pool with Nate. He was determined to beat Nate but it wasn't going to happen. At least not tonight. Nate was in rare form. Victoria was waiting to play the winner. I sat down next to her.

"Hey, I got you and Danny a coat."

"Thanks." She didn't look at me. I felt like she was ignoring me.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"Nope." She was watching Ian intently. I thought back to the time I was told that Tori had kept Holly away from Ian. I still wondered what the motive was considering she had been opposed to him having a 'parasite' for a girlfriend. Also, she had drawn those pictures of him at the dugouts.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure." She still wasn't giving me any eye contact.

"Do you have a thing for Ian?"

"What?" She finally looked at me.

"I want to know if you have a thing for my fiancé."

"Don't get me wrong. Ian is a fine specimen of a man but I don't ruin other people's relationships. If you and Ian go down it surely isn't going to be because of me."

"Okay."

"I _do _have a thing for someone but he's young and he doesn't even know it."

"Who?"

She glanced at the card table. There were six people playing. Three of them were girls; Megan, Sarah, and Holly. I didn't think she was gay. The others were Evan, Carlos, and Blake. Evan was the oldest at twenty but still four years younger than Victoria.

"Evan?" I whispered.

"No."

Carlos had just turned eighteen. "Carlos?"

"No."

"Blake?" My voice raised an octave. Blake had just turned seventeen like me, but he could easily pass for nineteen or twenty.

"Shhhh." She gave me a warning look.

I spoke low. "You're kidding! He's only seventeen."

"And how old are you?" She snapped back at me.

"I'm eighteen."

"Oh….right" she said sarcastically. She knew.

"Nate told you?"

"He slipped."

"Why were you discussing me?"

"Hmmmm. Let's see, you left him in shambles when you left last time. I just picked up the pieces. I gave him what you wouldn't." I was confused. "Which reminds me, stop trying to push him onto Holly."

"He told you about that?"

"I was with him when you told him that."

I guess I was really slow but the puzzle was finally coming together. "Where were you the other day during practice?"

"Where do you think?"

"You and Nate?"

She made a face. "Don't get your panties in a bunch. He's still in love with you and he knows my feelings for Blake. We just needed each other. You know, friends with benefits. No one knows except you. And I would appreciate it of you would keep it quiet. If it gets out, I'll know you told."

"Why did you tell me then?"

"So, you'd stop pushing him off on Holly. He has no interest in her. If and when the right girl comes along to take the feelings he has for you, it should be his decision, not yours."

I was flabbergasted. He had been sleeping with Victoria and he never let on.

"How many times…"

"What does that matter? A few. It's not like we are in love or anything. You know I've been on the run with my father and my brother for six years now. It's not like love interests or even casual sex partners come by very often."

Nate walked over and took Victoria by the hand and bowed to her. "Next victim."

Victoria smiled and got up. "One day one of us is going to beat you and then you'll change your tune."

"I want to play the winner," I called out.

Victoria glared at me but Nate smiled his brilliant smile. "You're on, Sister and I'll even help you set up your shots. You just keep that Grizzly bear of a fiancé under control."

Again with the control issue. "You play nice and I won't have to control anybody."

He grinned at me. "Oh, I'll play nice."

Ian was standing at the card table. I was sure he heard the exchange but he was pretending that he didn't. I walked over to where he was standing. "Are you going to play?"

He seemed distracted. "Yeah, next hand if they let me in."

Megan answered. "You can have our seats. Me and Sarah are going to go in the house and watch TV. It's too cold to stay out here."

Victoria called out. "I'll take one of those seats."

This was totally weird. Victoria was jockeying to sit near Blake and yet she was shacking up with Nate. Nate was flirting big time with me although I wasn't sure if it was to make Victoria jealous or if he really still had a thing for me. Ian was jealous but trying not to show it. I wanted to confront Nate for keeping this secret from me all this time and I was getting dizzy with all the madness. I wasn't sure if I should tell Ian because he might slip up and tell someone else. I wonder if Burns knows? I felt a little queasy. Why did she have to tell me? Was she trying to torture me? Was this payback for hurting Nate?

I tapped Ian on the back. "I'll be right back. I'm going to go to the house and make some hot chocolate."

"Would you bring me back a beer?" he requested. I looked at him suspiciously because he promised me he wouldn't drink.

Nate joined in. "I'll take one too, if you don't mind, Beautiful."

I was perturbed but I didn't want to show it. I left without another word. When I returned Victoria and Ian were seated at the card table. I had passed the girls on the way back from the house. Nate was waiting on me. Ian sat with his back to the pool table and Victoria was facing the pool table. I don't know if the seating arrangement happened by chance or if Ian didn't want to see me and Nate playing our game.

I handed Ian his beer and leaned over to kiss him. As I pulled away I gave him a warning glance. "I'll be fine," Ian said as he slapped me lightly on the butt.

"Ian!"

"I love you Babydoll. Remember that."

Now I was more confused than ever. He was acting like I was going to do something I shouldn't be doing.

I walked to the pool table and picked up a pool stick. Nate had the balls all racked. "Let's do this. Come here, I'll show you how to break."

He explained the difference between 'power' breaking which is what most men do and breaking so only a few balls make it out of the pack. "As a woman, this is the better way to go because most men in turn will see it as weakness and rather than go for the easy in, they will display their ego and 'power' break during their turn. This gives you a bigger spread when it comes around to your turn again. Go ahead, try it."

I broke the pack and as he said there were only a few balls that made it to open space.

"Now if I was a smart man, I would sink the obvious ball right here, the solid in the corner pocket. Then I would go for the solid over here. I could pull to that corner down there. Then after having two in, I would then break the pack on this side where I see more solids than stripes. A good hit right here to the corner of the pack would probably pull away these two leaving you with no other choice other than to break the pack again. If you were lucky you might sink a ball and it might even be a stripe. If you're not lucky you will have split the pack for me and chances are I'm going to get another ball in."

"That's fascinating. You got all of that after one hit?"

"Hey, sweetheart, you should see me play chess."

Ian called out from the table. "Brainiac!"

"Don't be a hater, jock." Nate retaliated.

"Now I'm going to do what you're muscle bound boyfriend over there would do."

"Fiancé!" Ian shouted out and then he finished his beer.

"Right, fiancé." Nate broke the pack with power. Two balls went in the pockets. A solid and a stripe. "Now it's decision time. No matter what I choose you have a ball already in the pocket."

"I see. So, it's not just a game of angles but a game of thinking ahead. You don't just want to sink a ball but you want to make it difficult for the next guy should you miss."

"Precisely."

Ian got up and left the table. "Be right back. I need to make a pit stop." He turned to Nate. "You need another beer?"

"Only if you are getting one for yourself." He smiled at Ian.

Ian was out the door in a moment.

Nate turned back to the pool table and decided what he wanted to go for. He set up the shot and sunk a stripe. He set up another shot and made that one too.

I walked over to Nate before he could set up another shot. "Nate, I don't want him to drink."

Nate spoke in a low tone back to me. "You can't be his mother."

"What if becomes belligerent?"

He grinned slyly. "Then you can come home with me."

"Nate, that's not an option and you know it."

"You have so little faith in me?" It was Ian. He was behind me. He put down the bottles of beer and walked away. He waved to the table, "Sorry, guys, I'm tired. I've got a busy day ahead of me. I'm going to bed." He turned back to me. "Don't stay out too late." He quickly left the building.

I was stunned. I turned to Nate. "What should I do?"

"Go to him. Go to him now. Remind him of the night he got drunk. Remind him of how he treated you. Remind him that he's not in college anymore."

I hugged Nate. "I love you." I ran out the door without acknowledging the look that Victoria gave me.

"IAN!"

He was already gone. I ran back to the house and into the bedroom. He wasn't there. I went out to the living room where Megan and Sarah and a few others were watching TV. "Did you see Ian?"

"He was here but he went in the kitchen and left a few minutes ago."

I was in a panic. Where did he go? I sat on the back porch. After about twenty minutes Ian came back. I ran to him. "Where were you?"

"I went for a run," he said solemnly.

"We need to talk about this," I urged.

"What is there to talk about? You don't want me to drink. Period. I get it," he said stoically.

"But do you get why?" I asked hoping he understood.

"Yes, I get why. I wasn't upset that you didn't want me to drink, I was upset that you didn't trust me to stop after two beers."

"How was I supposed to know you would stop after two?"

"I told you I was fine and that I love you," he reasoned.

"Ian. I…"

"I know. You were worried. But I'm not drunk and I'm not mad. Just in the future, trust me, please?"

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. It's a learning experience. I'm going through a lot of that lately. You can go finish your pool lesson with Nate if you want," he said calmly.

"No, I just want to be with you."

"Good, because I just want to be with you too." He pulled me into his arms and kissed me on the forehead. "Let's get some sleep. I really am tired."

We went to bed and although we didn't make love we kissed each other a lot and laughed. "You are so beautiful, you know that?"

"That's the beer talking."

"Right and without that one beer you would be just all right. Do you think your other boyfriend is the only one who thinks you are beautiful?"

"Stop it." I wanted so badly to spill the beans about Victoria and Nate but I wanted to at least talk to Nate about it first. I rolled over and Ian spooned me. I fell asleep thinking about Nate and Victoria alone together in Nate's room and I hated to admit it but it bothered me.


	35. Chapter 35

**Well, I am more than just a bit aggravated over my traffic tab not working for the last 2 days. I hope you guys are still reading. Shoot me a review or go to the forum 'cause I'm dying here! I like to see how many people have read each day and right now for Thursday and Friday, it doesn't say anything! GRRR! There are several topics being discussed in the forum now. The link is on my profile. Oh and I have a new pic of Nate up. I hope you like it…er...the chapter I mean. (evil grin)**

OUCH!

I DIDN'T SLEEP WELL AT ALL. I was restless most of the night. At one point I woke up lying on top of Ian and he was holding my wrist in one hand and his other arm was wrapped around my body so I couldn't move. I tried to roll off but he clenched my wrist. "Ian, let go," I whispered to him.

"Jesus, Wanderer, what is wrong with you tonight? You've been tossing and turning all night."

"I can't sleep."

"Well, I need to get up in…" He lifted his head to look at the clock. "Two hours."

"Do you want me to go sleep on the couch?" I offered.

"You can't. Burns is sleeping on the couch, remember?"

"I forgot. Maybe I'll just go for a walk." I thought I might go talk to Nate. I just wasn't sure where his room was.

"I'll go with you."

"No. Never mind, it's too cold out there anyway." I decided that tomorrow I would find a way to be alone with Nate so I could talk to him about Victoria.

"Babydoll, are you getting cold feet?"

"What?"

"About the wedding. You still want to marry me right?" He sounded worried.

"Of course. Why would you even think that?"

"I don't know."

I didn't want Ian to doubt my love for him. "I love you, Superman. Never doubt that." I snuggled into his chest and he wrapped his arm around me and I finally fell into a deep sleep.

When I woke up it was late. Ian was gone but as usual I never heard the alarm. I didn't hear him get up either. I dressed quickly and went to the building. It was deserted. I went back to the house. The truck was gone. I figured that maybe Burns went on a road trip and Ian went with him. I gathered some laundry together and went to the root cellar. I was listening to music while the clothes were being washed. It was nice to be alone.

The door opened. "Tori?" It was Nate. "Oh, hey Beautiful." He stepped inside and shut the door. "How are things with you and Ian?"

"They're fine. Didn't you see him this morning?"

"Um. No. I slept in. I ended up drinking his beer and mine. I slept well. By the time I got to the building, they were gone. I ran into Evan and he said we would resume tomorrow. So, no harm no fowl I guess."

"Yeah, I think Ian went with Burns on a road trip."

Nate narrowed his eyes. "He left us alone."

"I thought you were looking for Tori," I said smugly.

"I was but she's not here. You are."

"Any port in the storm, I guess." I spoke with a bite in my tone.

"Huh?" He looked confused.

"Nate. Why didn't you tell me about Victoria?"

"Tell you what?" He wasn't going to give anything away.

I raised my voice. "You've been sleeping with her!"

He remained calm. "She told you that huh?"

"Yes, she told me that. The question is why didn't _you_ tell me that?" I was visibly upset.

"I don't kiss and tell. You didn't see me running all over the mountain when I was spending time with you," he said defensively.

"Burns knew," I protested.

"Because of you, not because of me," he snapped back at me.

So he was telling me that Burns didn't know about Victoria?

I pressed. "Is she your girlfriend?"

"What would it matter?"

I was pulling back the tears.

His face changed from one of anger to pity as he realized the reason for my tirade. "You're jealous!"

"I'm not jealous." But I _was_ horribly jealous even though I had no right to be.

"It sucks, doesn't it? Every time I think about you and Ian being intimate it's like someone twists a knife in the pit of my stomach. Then you come to me and tell me you love me too."

I didn't want to hear it because he was right. "Nate…" I couldn't find the words that would make either one of us feel better.

He looked at the floor and took a deep breath. "Look. This thing between Tori and I, it's just physical. I don't love her and she doesn't love me. We have nothing in common besides the sex."

He approached me and held my face in his hand. He leaned close to me. "I would drop her in a minute for you." He very slowly got closer and closer to my lips with his. I didn't move. Part of me was screaming 'NO' and part of me was screaming 'YES'. My heart was thumping in my chest. Just as he was about to kiss me, he moved his lips to my ear. "But you're engaged." He kissed me on the cheek. "You know when I flirt with you shamelessly in front of Ian, that's my way of trying to release the pain I feel."

"I'm so confused. I know I have no right to be jealous but you're right. I am. I'm sorry. I wish she had never told me. How am I supposed to keep this from Ian?"

"What? The fact that I'm sleeping with Tori? Or the fact that you're jealous?"

It had never occurred to me that if I told Ian that he might assume that I was jealous. "Oh my god. This is such a mess!"

He looked at me with a serious expression. "Do you want me to stop sleeping with her?"

"I have no right to ask you that," I lamented.

"You're right, you don't, but I love you."

"No, Nate. I don't want you to make any decision because of anything that I feel for you. I am in love with Ian and I'm going to marry him. I'll never stop loving you but you need to have a future too. And I'm sorry for pushing you towards Holly."

"It's okay." He bit his bottom lip in what I could only assume was an effort to hide the pain.

"I guess you should go find her," I said solemnly.

"I wasn't looking for her for that. I was going to ask her if she wanted to paint something nice in the wedding hall for the nuptials. You know something that implied 'love'."

"I'm sorry. I assumed…"

"I'm not like you and Ian. I'm not that high strung. We don't have sex every day. It's occasional." My face turned beet red. Sex was pretty high on me and Ian's list of priorities. We were definitely hot for each other.

Nate smiled. "Ian's a lucky guy." He backed out through the door and was gone.

I decided that telling Ian was not an option, at least not right now. I needed to get my own jealousy under control so if and when I did tell him; it would be with joy for Nate.

I put the clean clothes in the dryer and took a walk in the woods so I could think. I hated that my jealousy was so evident. I tried to think about the O'Shea family and how much they all loved me and how I would fit in with them. I loved them all. I needed to find Ian. I finished the laundry and when I went back to the house I found Ian asleep on the bed. He obviously hadn't gotten enough sleep with all the tossing and turning I had done. I didn't remember seeing the truck in the driveway, so I wondered where he was earlier. Oh well, I'd ask him later. I quietly crept out of the room and went to the kitchen to help Rachel and Nadine prepare lunch. They were making chicken salad sandwiches using the leftovers from last night's dinner. Ian slept through lunch so I grabbed a sandwich and put it aside for him. I was a little tired myself so I crept back into the room and laid on the bed next to him. I tried not to wake him but I must have because he scooted up behind me and put his arm around me.

"Where have you been my love?" he murmured.

"I was doing laundry and then I helped with lunch. You were asleep and I didn't want to disturb you."

"Hmmm. I was afraid you were off with Nate somewhere."

I panicked. "Why would you think that?"

"Well, according to you, you have no friends here except Nate and Burns. Burns is off on a road trip so…" he surmised.

"I have Victoria and Megan."

"Megan is in school and Victoria was with me," he responded.

"Wait. You were with Victoria?" I turned to face him.

"Yeah."

My brain went into overdrive. It was bad enough I was fighting the pictures of her and Nate together in my head but now I suddenly had a new picture and I didn't like it.

"What were you doing with Victoria?" I demanded.

"Posing," he answered nonchalantly.

The visions in my head went from bad to worse. Now I was picturing him naked posing for her.

My voice rose about two octaves. "Posing for what?"

He creased his eyebrows as he spoke. "We were in the dugout. She wanted to tweak the features of my face, remember?"

"Oh." I felt like a fool. "That's why I couldn't find you earlier."

"Yep. I came back and you were gone. I laid down to wait for you and I must've fallen asleep."

"I didn't wake you because I thought you might be tired considering I kept you up half the night."

"Speaking of that," he said. I had accidentally segued into last night's restlessness. I did not want to get into that conversation, so I jumped off the bed.

"I saved a sandwich for you. Come on. It's in the kitchen." I pulled him off the bed. "You know I was thinking about taking another road trip for more wedding supplies." Subject changed. I wanted to pat myself on the back.

We entered the kitchen and I retrieved Ian's sandwich from the fridge. I grabbed a bag of chips from the cupboard. He sat at the table while I poured him a glass of cranapple juice.

"When do you want to take this trip?"

"I'm not sure. Not tomorrow but maybe the day after that. I may need to take a two day trip because I'll need to rent a U-Haul again. I want to get an arbor and a couple of beds and maybe a few bunk beds."

"I thought you wanted me to build an arbor for you?"

"Ian, you've got so much on your plate already. I think it would be unfair to heap that on you as well."

"But then you'll be staying overnight," he sounded concerned.

"No I won't. Remember last time it was suggested when I come back here I spend the night and just return the U-Haul the next day. We didn't do it because Sunny wanted to go out."

"Right. It was another one of those panic nights for me," he said as a matter of fact.

"You're so silly."

"Jealousy is not silly. Anyway, I was thinking…" he said tentatively.

"What?"

"Yesterday you wanted to just stay in bed all day and I had to work. Well, there's no work today so…"

His smile was infectious. "I'll race you!" I took off running. I jumped into the bed and rolled off the other side back onto my feet. "WAIT!" I called out.

"What?"

"I'll be right back." I grabbed my robe off the door and in the bottom drawer I pulled out the black lace panties and the black silk bra. I raced to the bathroom and changed. I put on my robe and reentered the bedroom. Ian was already in his boxers and relaxing on the bed.

"What do you have on under there?" He raised himself up on one elbow.

I went to the closet and slipped on my black heels. I slowly dropped the robe and turned around.

"Whoa! Come to papa!" he said as he slapped his hand on the bed.

We made love all afternoon. We heard the ladies come in to prepare dinner but that didn't stop us. When we were both too exhausted to go again we lay there barely able to move.

"Ian?"

"Not again," he groaned.

I giggled. "Come on, one more time?" I was joking.

"You are trying to kill me," he lamented.

"I'm kidding, but I do have a question."

"What?"

"Do you think I'm sexually high strung?"

He started laughing.

"It wasn't meant to be funny."

"Baby, not that I'm bragging, but a lesser man could not keep up with you. We have sex almost every day. That's not normal."

"So, are you saying you don't want to have sex with me so often?" I pouted.

He looked around the room. "Did I say that? I don't think so."

"What about when I'm pregnant and fat?"

"Funny you should ask that question. I asked Doc about that. He said some women like sex even more because they can't get pregnant since they already are. They feel free. He also said some woman demand more sex simply because they want to know their spouse still thinks of them as sexy."

"Will you think I'm sexy when my belly is out to here?" I used my hands to make a big circle.

He smiled and he stared at my body. "You want to know if I will think you are sexy when your belly is swollen and breasts are big and round?" He leered at me and licked his lower lip.

"Ian! You're a pervert!" I hollered.

"Thinking about my wife being pregnant and sexy is perverted?" He jumped on me. "I love you, Babydoll."

We climbed out of the bed and got dressed. When we left the bedroom the living room was abuzz with people moving food from the kitchen to the dining hall. Ian and I joined in the food carrying procession.

After dinner, we joined the others in the first building. There were lots of people there tonight since it wasn't as cold as the nights before. Some of the elders hovered over a puzzle trying to put it together. There were card games starting up at two tables. One table was gin rummy with some of the younger crowd. There other table was poker. Ian sat down to play with the poker crowd that included Ian, Holly, Carl, Evan, Rachel, and Rob. Nate of course was running the pool table. He was playing Danny at the moment and trying to teach him as he went. Megan had winner and I put myself on the list after that. For now, I hovered. I went over to the puzzle table to see if I might find a piece that fit. I wasn't much interested. Victoria entered the building and came directly to me.

"Can I see you outside?" She didn't look happy.

"Sure." I wasn't sure what to expect.

I followed her as she marched outside. She turned on me sharply as we rounded the corner of the building. "You are such a witch!" she barked.

I was taken aback. "What are you talking about?"

"Why did you tell Nate what I told you?" she said with venom in her voice.

"You didn't tell me I shouldn't," I said in my defense.

"I _told_ you not to tell anyone!" She was yelling at me. "What gives you the right to screw up someone else's life?"

"I wasn't trying to screw up anything; I just wanted to know why I had to hear it from you and not from him." I was defending myself the best I could.

"Yeah, well, he's pissed and now he doesn't want to see me anymore!"

Nate came around the corner followed by Ian moments later.

"I didn't tell him not to sleep with you. I swear!"

"How many men do you need, you parasite? You destroyed the first satisfaction I've had in six years!" She was so angry tears were running down her face. She was wiping them away with her arms. Ian started towards her but Nate stepped in front of him.

He put his hands on Tori's face. "Look at me Tori," he said as he tried to get her to focus on him. "Look at me." He kissed her once on the lips. Then he kissed her again. Then he really kissed her. It was like time stood still as I watched him make out with her. He pulled back slowly. "Nothing's going to change, all right?"

I looked at Ian and then back at Nate and Tori and I ran. I was angry with jealousy and scared that Ian would hate me for feeling this way.

"Wanderer!" I could hear Ian running behind me. He could have easily caught me but he let me have my run. I ended up in the dugout. He came to the doorway and leaned against it with his arms folded.

I was sobbing. He let me cry for a few minutes before he spoke.

"It's hard isn't it?" he said calmly.

"What's hard?"

"Jealousy." He sighed deeply and rubbed his hand slowly on his chin. "Now imagine being told that the person you love is sleeping with your own brother."

"Ian I don't want to be jealous," I lamented.

He chuckled nervously. "Then stop loving him."

"Are you mad at me?" I croaked.

"I was. When Victoria told me today I knew exactly why you were tossing and turning all night. When I came back to the house, I was prepared for a fight. Then I fell asleep and you were so adorable when I woke up. I knew you were keeping the secret from me and yet you were jealous when I said I was with Victoria. And then there was the great sex."

"Ian, I…"

"Look. I have no intention of losing you. I will have to deal with my jealousy for you and I guess you will have deal with your jealousy for Nate unless you want to go to him."

"No. Never," I answered in an attempt to reassure him.

"So, nothing happened today with you and him." He said it as a statement but it was really a question.

He knew. "How did you know that we were together?"

"Victoria was upset because he ended things after you confronted him. That was the real reason she came looking for me."

"So you didn't pose for her?"

"No, I posed for her and we talked about you and your obsession with Nate."

I didn't reply because I was afraid that anything I said would only lead to a fight.

"So did you kiss him? ... or did you sleep with him?"

"Ian, I did not sleep with him," I said adamantly.

"You kissed him," he said solemnly.

"I didn't kiss him. He almost kissed me but he stopped because of you."

"He was afraid I'd kick his ass?"

"No, he said 'You are engaged'."

"So, had he kissed you, you would have kissed him back?"

I looked down at my hands. I wanted to be truthful. "I don't know. I was hurt."

"Funny thing that jealousy. It makes you do crazy things."

I sat quietly and stared at the ground.

Ian shifted his weight from the wall to his feet. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No. I just don't understand how you can be so calm."

"I guess it's satisfying in a weird way to see you jealous for a change and having to deal with it."

"It hurts," I admitted.

He chuckled softly. "I'll bet it does."

"Is this what it's like to grow up?"

"You're asking me?' I'm still growing up myself." He laughed. "We are going to be crazy parents." He walked over and put his hands out in front of me. I reached up and took them. He pulled me to my feet.

I looked at his eyes glistening in the moonlight as it shone into the dugout. "I love you but I don't think I deserve you."

He brushed his fingers against my cheek. "I think I'm exactly what you deserve."

We walked back to the game room but we took the long way. Nate and Tori were gone. I got that queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach as I let my imagination run through their whereabouts. Ian kissed my forehead. He whispered in my ear. "Deal with it, my love."

I spent the rest of the night sitting with Ian when I wasn't playing pool with someone. Nate and Tori never came back.

Over the next few weeks, life on the mountain was busy. I went on several 'road trips'. On these trips, I purchased everything in clothing for anyone who requested it for the wedding and most of the people on the mountain did especially when they heard that I had gotten new outfits for the people at the caverns. No one wanted to look shabby for the special day. I purchased gloves and mittens and more coats. I purchased two coats for myself. One was a sporty ski jacket that was lavender in color with white faux fur trim on the hood and cuffs. Ian said I looked like a snow bunny. The other coat was a long pea coat style made of a wool blend.

I also made big buys. Burns came with me on these big trips because Ian insisted I didn't go alone. The closer the wedding got, the more protective Ian became. We ended up with a total of eight bunk beds and four queen size beds. The bunkhouse had four rooms in it. Nate decided the best way to split them was to put four bunk beds in room numbers one and two. The other two rooms would each have two queen size beds. I purchased six dressers for the bunkhouse, two for each of the rooms with the bunk beds and one each for the other two rooms. I had a total of twenty coming from the caverns besides me and Ian and his parents. Aunt Maggie did not want to come which was no surprise to me. She never liked me. Lucina didn't want to travel with her boys so she opted to stay behind as well. Jeb asked for a few volunteers to stay and protect the caverns. Travis would be in charge and a few others offered to stay. The mountain now had a total of twenty six inhabitants with the addition of Victoria and Danny. So that meant there would be an even fifty at the wedding.

Tomorrow was November first and I would be leaving in another week to go back to the caverns. We were having a baby shower for Mel. She was due in late December so it was going to be 'iffy' as to whether or not she would have the baby before or after the wedding. Hopefully it wouldn't be during the wedding. After speaking with Ian and his dad, they were sure that everything would be completed by December tenth. They had put heat into the first building and so evenings in the game room were pretty crowded.

Victoria had started a beautiful floral mural on the wall facing the door after Nate goaded her into it. She was speaking to me but she kept it very cordial. Ian was perfect. He was the perfect boyfriend, the perfect lover, the perfect confidante, the perfect coach, the perfect man. He really did become the man I fell in love all over again. As for me and Nate, well we played pool together. Other than that he avoided me and I guess I avoided him. It was difficult passing him sometimes and seeing his eyes. There was a kind of sadness that was obviously due to us not being close like we were. I say this because I felt this sadness too.

I could only assume that Victoria and Nate were still meeting each other's needs. They never showed anything other than friendship in front of the others. Victoria still played cards with Blake whenever she could. If Nate minded, he never showed it.

Baseball practices were becoming fewer and fewer as the cold took hold of the mountain. We had just finished practice and Blake stayed behind to help Ian. He turned to Blake out of the blue and said to him. "Have you ever noticed that Victoria pays particular attention to you?"

Blake had been blindsided by this comment. "No. You think so?"

"You should flirt with her and see what she does," Ian suggested.

"How would I flirt with her? She'll probably laugh at me. She's like ten years older than me."

Ian laughed. "Well, she's only twenty four and saying she's ten years older definitely isn't going to win you any points. I mean you will be eighteen next year and I personally don't see a whole lot of prospects for you on the horizon unless you want Sarah."

"Are you crazy?"

Now I laughed.

"The next time you're playing cards with her tell her looks nice. Compliment her on her hair or something. I'll drag you into a conversation about women. You say you like your women tall and older."

"Ian. Don't push him into something he may not want to do."

Blake interrupted. "Are you kidding? I think Victoria is the bomb."

That evening I was playing pool with Nate. I was getting pretty good at it but tonight I decided if I flirted with him he might not pay as much attention to what was happening at the card table. He set up the rack while I picked out a pool stick.

"You know I'm leaving next week."

"I'm sure Ian will miss you."

"Well, it's nice to know someone will miss me." I bent over the pool table and I deliberately stuck my butt out as I broke the balls.

Nate's eyes became narrow. "What is your game?"

"What do you mean? We're playing pool." I was wearing high heeled boots that I recently purchased on one of my trips. I liked wearing heels because it gave me height. Ian liked me in heels too. It was much easier to be seductive in heels and right now I was pushing it.

"No, you know what I mean. What are you up to?"

I waited for him to finish his turn before I answered. "You've just been kind of distant lately." I bent over again to make my shot. I missed an easy shot.

"You're not concentrating."

"Neither are you," I teased.

"Put your coat on. We're going for a walk. IAN!" he called out. "I'm borrowing your fiancée for a bit."

"Bring her back unscathed." Ian replied without turning around. I suspect he had been waiting for this moment. It ran through my mind that maybe Ian had set me up again. Why did he all of a sudden pull Blake into the equation? The wedding was getting close and his condition was that once I said 'I do' I wasn't allowed anything more than platonic gestures with Nate.

Nate took me by the hand and led me out of the building and he walked with me towards the root cellar. "To answer your question, I've been distant because I thought it might be better for everyone involved."

"I guess sleeping with Victoria makes it easier to avoid me." I didn't try to hide my jealousy.

"I could say the same for you," he shot back.

"It's never been easy to avoid you. My question is what if Victoria hooks up with Blake and she has no need for you anymore?"

"It sounds to me like you are asking if I am going to be upset if I lose her."

"Yes, that is exactly what I'm asking."

"Of course I'll be upset. I've got a pretty good thing going here with no strings attached. It's nothing compared to losing you though."

"I'm guessing here, but I think that maybe Victoria asked Ian to help her get Blake's attention. I didn't want you to think I was trying to ruin what you have with her out of jealousy."

"So, you're not jealous anymore. That's good."

I wasn't sure if he meant it. "I never said that."

Nate was quiet. He led me into the root cellar. He turned on the dryers to heat up the room.

Nate turned to me now. "It doesn't explain that big flirt scene you were making in the game room."

"Ian gave Blake some pointers on how to flirt with Victoria. I thought if I kept your attention, you might not notice what was going on at the table."

"Okay, you always have my attention so it doesn't explain the excessive flirting and the lack of concentration on the game."

"Well, I'm leaving next week and…"

"And you want me to miss you," he surmised.

"Only as much as I'll miss you."

"Look, I've been trying very hard to respect you and Ian as a couple. I guess when I saw Tori go off the deep end; I felt that what I was doing was wrong."

I looked deep into his eyes. "You always look so sad when I see you."

He sighed. "At least before, we were friends, even if I did push the boundaries as often as possible."

"We _are_ friends. That's why I was so upset when I had to hear from Victoria that you and she were shacking up."

"The truth is I've been in this situation before. Victoria is not the first girl on this mountain that I've spent time with. I keep these things a secret because we are a small community. Everyone seems to know everyone else's business. I'm not trying to be a home wrecker."

I fell into that same pit that I had with Ian. "Who? There aren't that many single girls on the mountain."

"I've never told anyone before. You have to promise me to keep the secret, even from Ian."

"Ian is going to be my husband. How can I keep a secret from him?"

"Then forget it," he said flatly.

I was dying to know. "Does Victoria know?"

"No. She's not nosy like you."

"You're right. Forget it. Let's go back."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me to him. "There were two others."

"I'm listening."

"First there was Nadine."

"Ben's mom?"

"Yeah, we had a thing for a few years. I insisted we keep it a secret or I would stop spending time with her. I didn't love her. Eventually she gave me an ultimatum and I couldn't honor it."

"And who was the other?"

"Rachel."

"But Rachel's with Rob," I pointed out.

"She was with Rob when she found this place."

"You had an affair with her?"

"I'm not proud of it. Pickings are pretty slim around here. Rob never found out and they are happy now."

"So, I show up and you move onto me?" I said with disdain.

"No. Not at all. You showed up and I fell in love. That's the kicker. The ones I didn't love I was able to bed. You…" He took my hands in his and then looked up at me.

My mind was in overdrive. "You know what I don't understand?"

"What?"

"Ian. He let you walk out of the game room with me tonight. Why did he do that?"

"Maybe he trusts you," Nate replied.

"No. He's known about all the close calls I've had with you in just this last month. He keeps saying 'You wanted to kiss him'." I started to panic. If I stayed, the odds were against me and Ian knew it. I wouldn't betray him. "Nate I have to go back. Please take me back."

"Okay, if that's what you want."

"It's what I want…we're still friends right?"

"Forever."

Nate and I walked hand in hand back to the game room. When we got inside he took off his coat and tapped Ian on the shoulder. "I brought her back unscathed."

Rob and Rachel had taken over the pool table. Nate called next game. I called the game after that. When the hand that Ian was playing was over I took the opportunity to sit in his lap.

"Is everything okay with you and Nate?" he asked nicely.

I smiled sweetly. "Yes, we are still friends."

"Good."

"Have I told you lately how wonderful you are?"

"No, but I hope you keep that thought."

I whispered in his ear. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For the opportunity." He knew exactly what I was talking about and he was keeping his own jealousy under wraps. "I didn't do anything. I didn't want to."

The cards were being dealt and he was trying to concentrate on the hand but I could see by his eyes that he was pleased. "Go play pool," he murmured. I kissed him briefly on the lips and slid off of his lap.

Once Nate and I got the pool table he and I flirted shamelessly. Victoria didn't appreciate it but I was doing it for him. I didn't want Nate to lose his 'pretty good thing with no strings attached.'

At the end of the night, I did something I hadn't done in weeks. I gave Nate a great big hug good night and Victoria asked Nate to walk her to the house so she could use the facilities before going back to the cave. I smiled at Nate. I had to admit I was still jealous but tonight it was bearable.

The rest of the week went by too quickly. Nate and I reestablished our previous friendship. Ian and I were closer than ever. The two of them worked side by side on the second building. I dragged Burns with me a two times to figure out what I was going to do about food for the wedding. We found a nice Italian restaurant that was only too happy to prepare the food in trays for us to pick up refrigerated. All we had to do was heat and serve. I found a bakery that would make the perfect cake. It was heart shaped and two tiers. The cake itself was chocolate on the bottom and almond on the top with raspberry filling. We purchased a ton of beverages and alcohol for the occasion as well.

Soon it was time for me to head back to the caverns. It seemed only fitting that Nate and Ian and Burns were all there to see me off. I went to Burns first.

"Thank you for coming with me this week. I had fun," I said as I hugged Burns.

"I had fun too." He hugged me back. He pointed to Nate and Ian. "Look at them. They look like their dog just got run over."

"Yeah well, you keep a close eye on those two."

"I always do. Tell Lily I love her."

"I will do better than that. I'm going to drag her back with me when I return in two weeks."

"Too bad I won't have a bed to share with her."

"Oh! Well, you know what? If the heat is working in the second building Ian and I will sleep there and you two can have our room. I'm not going to kick you out of your own house."

"Thanks. Love you Sis."

"Love you too."

Now I turned to the two sad puppies staring at me. I went to Nate first. I pulled him away from Ian. He put his arms around my waist and I put my arms around his neck. "I'll miss you. Thanks for being my friend again."

"Thanks for keeping my secrets. Friends forever, right?"

I kissed him on the lips. It wasn't a peck. It was just a good firm kiss. "Friends forever. I'll see you in a few weeks. Be good."

He laughed as I pulled away. "Who am I going to be bad with?"

I saved the best for last. I quoted a line from a movie I had seen recently in the house. "You, I'll miss most of all."

He pulled me tight to him. "Babydoll, I hate being without you."

"I know. I do too. It's only two weeks and I'll be busy. I'll call you every chance I get. I love you."

"I love you so very much." He stroked my face and kissed me with so much passion I didn't want to leave. When I turned to get in the car, Nate had already gone. Burns stuck around and waved with Ian as I drove away.

12


	36. Chapter 36

**I'm still unable to see my traffic on the story so I can only assume that everyone has read the last chapter and is hopefully clamoring for more. I've posted a new picture of Nate on my profile. I think I'll leave him up for a bit.**

**I'd like to thank some new readers: Mahi, Toalli, icecreamsodapop, and First Generation Scot. Thank you for your kind words. As for the rest of you, I love you all.-NL**

BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE

I TOOK MY TIME GETTING BACK TO THE CAVERNS. I had no humans with me to worry about. I decided to pamper myself so I stopped at one of the larger cities on the way for the night and stayed in an upscale hotel. I went to the mall to shop, which I discovered was my favorite pastime and I purchased a rather adult dress. Although it was short it was a departure from the baby doll dresses I was known for wearing. This dress was more elegant. It was form fitting and solid in color, a plum with a contrasting geometric shape in the front breast area. It was sleeveless but it scooped in towards the neck at the shoulders. I managed to find a set of purple pumps that matched the dress perfectly. That evening I wore the dress to dinner at the restaurant in the hotel.

I was minding my own business when I spotted of all people the healer who had placed me in Mel's body. He is the one who seemed uncomfortable with placing me in the body of a rogue. He saw me staring at him and smiled at me. I blushed at being spotted and turned away. Of course he would not recognize me in this body. I guess he thought I was flirting. The waiter came over to me.

"The gentleman at the next table would like to know if you would like to join him."

My curiosity was peaked so I accepted the invitation.

"Welcome, my dear. You are most lovely. My name is…"

I finished his sentence. "Fords Deep Water. I know who you are."

"You know me? I'm sorry I don't recognize you."

"You wouldn't. My name is Shadow Dancer."

"So, how do you know me?"

"A friend of mine spoke of you often. She was grateful for your compassion when she was placed in a rogue body. Her Seeker had no compassion at all."

"Well, I have had to place a number of souls into rogues. It is quite distressing considering the inner conflict within the body. Rogue humans fight passionately to remain viable. Who is your friend?"

"Her name is Wanderer."

"Ah! The soul who has visited so many of our planets. Was it eight?"

"Nine, including this one."

"She must have told you some wondrous stories."

"Yes, she's actually a hero on the Mists Planet."

"Fascinating. I would love to get in touch with her. Do you know where she is?"

"No. Unfortunately, we lost touch. I moved. She moved. You know how it is."

"And how did you meet her?"

"She lectured at the college I attend."

"So, you are a college student."

"Yes, but I also plan weddings during my hiatus."

"Very interesting. May I ask you a question?"

"Certainly."

"I still don't quite understand how you recognized me."

He was shrewd. I had to think fast on my feet. I was summoning Nate's wisdom.

"I was thinking of having surgery. Breast enhancements. I appear so young I thought a bigger breast might help. She mentioned you and we looked you up on line. She printed your picture. I have a good memory for faces."

"Ah, I don't want to sound out of line here but your breasts are quite perfect just the way they are."

I could feel the blood rise up into my face. The waiter came over and took our order.

"Would you like something to drink my dear? Perhaps a glass of wine?"

"No, thank you. I am not yet twenty one." I was able to give a true answer without revealing my real age.

I wanted to stay on the subject of Wanderer. "So, if it distresses you to place a soul in a rogue body then why do you do it?"

"Well, if I didn't the host would be destroyed."

"So, you prefer to send out a host with the possibility of two inhabiting one body?"

"There are souls out there who manage to endure sharing the host."

"Isn't that cruel?"

"What would you have me do?"

"Well this is a topic we have had in school. Doesn't it make sense to allow the human to live? After all, it is their host body."

"Then the soul would skip. Where would the human go?"

"Well, obviously it wouldn't be the only human."

"We couldn't just let them circulate among the population. They are killers."

"I suppose." I paused as if thinking of an answer that I already had in my head. "This is a large planet. I cannot see why the humans couldn't be given a place to call their own."

"You are a true sympathizer."

"And you're not?"

The food was served and Fords and I began to eat but still managed to carry on the conversation.

He answered the question asked before the food was served. "I sympathize with their plight but I cannot say I would condone keeping them alive without the implant of the soul."

"Are they really so different from us?"

"They are violent creatures."

"Are they not capable of love?" I pressed.

"I suppose they are," he remarked.

I continued to eat letting Fords see that I was deep in thought over the matter. I wanted him to assume that I was searching for more questions to ask.

I spoke while I was chewing as if I was speaking my thoughts as they came to me. "Do you think…?" I swallowed my food before continuing. "Do you think it would be possible for a soul to fall in love with a human?"

"Impossible."

"Why? I have seen soul couples with human babies that have not been implanted. They seem to love them as much as an implanted baby."

"The child is an innocent," Fords Deep Water said sternly.

"So, according to your theory, only an innocent human could possibly have feelings for a soul."

"Yes according to my theory from the observations I have witnessed," he said as a matter of fact.

"I find that very sad."

"It is, my dear."

We finished our dinner and he asked if I might like to order dessert. I obliged.

"What if?" I continued after our desert order was taken.

"What if your theory was proven wrong and a human and a soul were found to be in love?" I asked innocently.

"I find your ideas intriguing. However, the only way that would be possible would be for a soul to be in hiding with the human. What reason would a soul have to hide from all this?"

He made a good point. How could he know that Burns was a sympathizer; that I was led there by Melanie, and Ice and Sunny were both kidnapped?

"You make a good point," I waved my fork at him to make my point. "But if it ever comes to light that I was right. I want you to admit to me that it's possible."

"You have a deal," he replied. I smiled coyly at him.

When we finished our meal Fords asked. "Are you staying at the hotel?"

"Yes, only for the night. And you?"

"I'm passing through as well on my way to a convention in Phoenix."

"Why didn't you take the shuttle?"

"I like to drive. I enjoy the scenery. It's peaceful and it helps me to think."

"To create theories?"

He laughed. "Yes. We are much alike, you and I." He paused to wipe his lips. "May I walk you to your room?"

"You may." I was being quite the lady. I only hoped he wouldn't think I would invite him in.

"Thank you for sharing your meal with me," I spoke politely.

"Thank you for your lovely conversation. You have given me something to think about for the rest of my trip and the memory of your beauty shall stay with me." He took my hand and kissed it like Nate had done many times. He was a gentleman.

"Thank you. I hope to meet you again one day."

"I hope I will be so lucky," he said kindly.

I turned and entered my room. He did not walk away until I was inside.

As soon as I got into the room, I grabbed my phone. I flipped it open and dialed Nate.

"Hello, Beautiful."

"Nate! Is Ian with you? I need to talk to him right away!" My breath was labored due to my excitement.

"Are you all right?"

"Yes I'm fine. I just had dinner with a soul from my past."

"You have a past?"

"Nate!" I whined. "I don't want to tell this story twice. Let me tell Ian and he can tell you."

"Okay, but you can at least tell me who this guy is while I look for Ian."

"He was the healer who placed me in Melanie's host body."

"Did you tell him who you were?" He sounded concerned.

"I'm not insane."

"Well that's debatable," he said with relief in his voice.

"Nate!"

"Okay, okay. Hold on. I think he's in the shower with Holly."

"Nate!" I shrieked.

"Okay, I'm kidding. He's not with Holly but he _is_ in the shower. Do you want me to interrupt him?"

"Only if he's _not_ alone." I didn't like being played with.

I could hear him banging on the door and him yelling "Wanderer's on the phone!"

There were lots of weird sounds on the other end before I finally heard Ian's voice.

"Wanderer, what's wrong? Nate said you were with a healer?"

"I had dinner with my healer."

"The one who healed you after the accident?"

"No, the one who placed me in Melanie's body when I first arrived on this planet."

"How did you manage that? You're not in Melanie's body anymore."

"I recognized him and he caught me staring. He had the waiter come over and ask me to join him for dinner."

"Great. So he tried to pick you up," Ian grumbled. He was obviously annoyed.

"He was a perfect gentleman. The thing is we had the most fascinating conversation about humans and souls. I told him that I knew Wanderer and that I recognized him from the things she told me about him. I told him that she was grateful for his compassion when she was placed in the rogue host." I continued to gush. "We had such a great conversation. We talked about humans and souls and love. I asked him questions and he had these theories. They are all wrong! I want so much to tell him who I am and that it _is_ possible for a human and a soul to love each other."

"You can't tell him. They would take you from me. You would be in danger. We would all be in danger," he said emphatically.

"What if I wrote a letter and left it with the concierge?"

"Concierge? Where the hell are you?"

"I pampered myself. I'm at the Hilton," I said coyly.

"You are so high maintenance." He grumbled.

"Would you rather I was slovenly? I don't hear you complain when my hair is done and my makeup is perfect and I'm wearing heels…"

"Okay, okay. I admit I like the things you do to make yourself beautiful."

"You _like_ the things I do?" My voice raised sharply by the end of the sentence.

"I'm sorry. I _love_ the things you do to please me. Can we get back to this healer guy?"

"I want to tell him the truth. At least part of it. I want him to know who I really am and that it is possible for a human and a soul to be in love. I won't mention the where or the who. I'll even tell him that I would die before I would betray my people. I'll tell him if they tried to catch me I would shred this brain. Please let me do this. I'll leave the letter with the concierge when I leave if he's still checked in."

"Let me talk to Nate about this and I'll call you back. One question though."

"What?"

"Will you obey my wishes?"

"I respect your wishes Ian, I will obey them. But please let me do this! Please, please, please?" I begged.

"I'll call you back."

I was impatient. I turned on the TV but I wasn't really paying attention. The longer I had to wait I knew they obviously were not in agreement over the decision. Finally the phone rang. "Ian?"

"It's me, Nate."

"Where's Ian?"

"Pouting. He doesn't think you should do this but I think if someone on the outside knew that humans and souls can live together, never mind love each other then we are moving in the right direction. I want you to write your letter. When you're done call us back and read it to each of us and we will make our decision then. Keep in mind, Ian loves you and wants nothing more than to protect us all but no one more than you."

"Okay."

As usual Nate's eloquence impressed me. When he was acting the part of the leader he was always so level headed and his words defending Ian resonated in my head.

After much deliberation and a lot of scratching out and rewrites I finally came up with a letter I felt expressed what I wanted to say and yet protected us all.

Fords Deep Water,

I wish to thank you for a lovely dinner and the interesting conversation. I also wish to apologize to you for deceiving you. I told you that I was a friend of Wanderer's. That was incorrect. I am Wanderer. That is how I recognized you. You may be confused because I am no longer in the original host, Melanie Stryder. I don't think of myself as a skipper. I gave Melanie back her body. She is living happily with the man she loves and is about to give birth. As for me, the humans removed me from Melanie's body at my request. I asked that they allow me to die. I went willingly under the knife expecting my life to end. Instead, I woke in the body you saw last night. The humans, one in particular refused to let me go. This man, my love, loved the soul so much that he was willing to love me in whatever form I was placed in. He did not choose the host. He stayed with my soul while others did the choosing. I was lucky to get this body or maybe he was. I can only tell you that very soon I will be his wife. I love him more deeply than anyone or anything I have ever loved in the nine planets I have been on. I hope to bear his children. So, you see, you were wrong. I wish you could see the happiness between us. Humans are violent but they are loving too. It is their passion for life that makes them fight so hard. It makes me fight for them too. If I were to be captured or found out I would die rather than take the chance of exposing them. I have seen a soul shred a brain out of fear and I would do it if it meant saving them, if it meant saving him. When I said that I hope we will meet again, I meant it. I hope that one day we can meet face to face without the fear of retribution. I am not a sympathizer. I am one of them. I hope you will respect this letter and my wishes to keep my secret as I respect you as a compassionate healer and great thinker.

With great sincerity,

Wanderer

I called Nate back and read the letter to each of them. There was no need to deliberate. They gave me their approval without hesitation.

After reading the letter to Ian, he replied. "I'm sorry I doubted you. That was a beautiful letter. You make me sound so…"

I found the word he couldn't come up with. "Perfect. You _are_ perfect. Perfect for me. I love you."

"I miss you so much already."

I could hear yelling in the background. "What's that shouting?"

"It's Nate. He says he misses you too."

I laughed. "Kiss him on the lips for me."

"Nuh-uh."

"I obeyed you!" I teased.

"Hello?"

"Nate?"

"Hey Beautiful."

"I miss you too and I'm sending you a kiss."

"Be safe and don't worry about this guy. I'm in control now. OW! He punched me."

"Are you two drunk?"

"No. then it would be worse!"

I heard strange noises and then another voice.

"Babydoll, I love you."

"Ian?"

"I'm going to let you get some sleep. I love you."

"I love you too. Bye."

I was happy to hear they were getting along. I was happy to write my letter. I decided to get right to sleep so I could get up and out early before Fords Deep Water checked out.

In the morning at the front desk I asked if Fords had checked out. He hadn't so I left the letter at the front desk to be given to him. I wished I could be a fly on the wall when he read the letter. I was truly satisfied though.

I arrived at the caverns late. Jeb greeted me at the entrance with Travis.

"Hello, good to have my girl back where she belongs."

"Thank you, Jeb."

"We've got a little problem though."

"What?"

"I don't know where you're going to sleep."

"Ice can stay where he is. I'll take the game room. Tom and Maggie won't mind."

"Well, that's just it. Kyle's in there."

"Why?"

"He and Sunny have gotten into a scrap and for the last two days, they haven't talked to each other unless they are screaming at each other."

"Why?"

"I don't know; something about babies. I try to stay out of it."

"Is she pregnant?"

"Don't know." He spun around and turned back towards the lookout post. "You might try rooming with Sunny. She could use a calming influence."

I went directly to Sunny's room and knocked on the door.

"Sunny? It's me, Wanderer."

She opened the door and pulled me in. "Oh, Wanderer. Thank goodness, you're here. Kyle is such an ass."

"What's wrong?"

"It all started with Mel's baby shower. We got to talking about Melanie and you and the wedding and our future. He wants babies. Lots of them!"

"Okay, so does Ian."

"I don't want babies," she lamented.

"You don't?" I assumed that every woman would want to mother a child.

"No! Do you know what pregnancy does to your body?"

"Um, I guess."

"I'm serious. You get fat and then there are the stretch marks. They never go away! Your breasts get big and then they sag. It's a nightmare. I don't want to lose this body!" She was nearly hysterical.

"So, you don't _ever_ want to have children?"

"No!" She was adamant.

"Oh." I knew from prior conversations with

Sunny that Jodie was a former dancer and she had always been surrounded by women with enhanced bodies so she was very body conscious. Poor Kyle just wanted a family.

"So, Kyle won't marry you?"

"No, He wants a pre-nup that I will bear a child. I don't want to marry someone who can't see my side of things." She started to cry.

"I'm sorry Sunny." I had to admit that I never thought about what I'd look like after having a baby. "Sunny, actresses and models get back in shape after having a baby. I know I'll do my best to get back into shape."

"When? When you're exhausted after staying up all night with a crying baby? Actresses have nannies to watch their babies and personal trainers who push them and dieticians to make sure they eat right."

Boy, she really thought this out. I needed to think fast before she talked _me_ out of having a baby. "Well, we have one big family here and as for the training, you know who I'm marrying right? Ian's a tough coach, I'm sure he'd be tougher on me than I could ever be on myself."

Now came the truth. "I don't really like babies," she blurted out.

"Have you ever been around a baby?"

"No and I don't care to."

I thought it was best to let this lie for awhile. "Okay, do you mind if I stay with you?"

"No, I'm happy to have you here. I don't like to be alone."

I settled in for the night with Sunny. I wondered how Kyle was doing. He and Sunny were perfect for each other. I was stunned that Sunny didn't want to have children. I had a hard time sleeping. Maybe it was not having Ian by my side or maybe it was my worry over Kyle and Sunny's situation. I woke early at about seven thirty. I was used to getting up early because Ian always started his day at seven. I dressed quietly and went to the bathing room to wash up and put on some makeup. I had gotten used to wearing makeup every day on the mountain. Something about the competition I felt from the long legged Victoria kept me always trying to look my best. Ian had noticed and passed a comment about it. He said I was trying to impress Nate. I wouldn't admit it. I told him I was wearing it for me.

Once I was looking fresh faced, I went to the game room to see if Kyle was awake. He wasn't. He was all sprawled out face down in his boxers. I thought it was humorous that Ian did the same thing only he preferred face up. I covered Kyle with a blanket before waking him. I didn't need any surprises.

"Kyle, wake up." He didn't move. I rubbed his bare back. "Kyle, wake up. I want to talk to you."

He rolled over. "Sunny?" he said still disoriented.

"No, it's me, Wanderer."

"Wanda, how are you Baby?"

"I'm good."

"You look good. Is Ian with you?"

"No."

"You're not split up again are you?"

"No. We're fine. I came back for Melanie's shower and to get the gowns and other essentials for the wedding. I'm just worried about you. I spoke to Sunny."

"Can you believe her? She doesn't want to have my babies. Is there something wrong with me?"

"No, I don't think this has anything to do with you. She's afraid," I explained.

"Well, aren't you afraid?"

"Yes. I have to admit that pregnancy frightens me."

"But you're still willing to have Ian's babies."

"Well, truthfully, I had promised to go off the pill the day we got married, but I have since told him that I want to wait until my next birthday."

"What did he say to that?"

"We had just gotten back together after the 'incident'. He was so happy to have me, he didn't care. He did say and I quote, 'the cut off is twenty five.' If I wait till then he'll be nearly thirty five." I thought about it for a second. "Wow, he'll be old."

"You see? Ian just turned twenty six and I just turned twenty eight. I want children by the time I'm thirty. Is that so wrong?"

"Well, I don't think so, but I'm not Sunny. You know my birthday could come and I could push the date back again. I don't know."

"But you'll have children by the time you're twenty five?"

I thought of me and Ian with a baby, enjoying his first bath, first words, first steps and then later with older children playing baseball with coach and dancing with mom. A smile came over my face. "Yes, I'm sure by the time I am twenty one, I'll be a mom. My biggest reason for waiting is because I want Ian to myself right now."

"I love Sunny but I can't spend the rest of my life fighting with her over children. Maybe I should move on."

"To who?"

"Aren't there single girls on the mountain?"

I immediately thought of Holly. She had a thing for Ian and Kyle was physically his equal. Then there was Victoria who admitted that Ian was a fine specimen of a man. Kyle was just as fine. I pushed the idea of taking Victoria out of the Nate equation out of my mind. My jealousy concerning Nate had surfaced yet again. Kyle brought me back to the present.

"Wanda?"

"Huh? Oh…no, you belong with Sunny and you know it. How long have you been sleeping in here?"

He sighed. "This was my third night. I've tried to approach her several times but as soon as I even try to talk about children, she kicks me out."

"I'm sorry, Kyle. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it better. I guess for now maybe you should give her some room to breathe. Maybe she'll come around once she starts to miss you. I know separation worked for me and Ian."

"Yeah and I heard the makeup sex is the bomb."

"He told you that?"

"He didn't have to. I saw it in his face."

"I've been gone two days and I miss him so much already. I just keep telling myself that every morning I wake up here is one morning closer to me being with him again."

"What do you miss?"

"I miss everything. I miss his smell, the way he holds me in his arms, his touch, the way he breathes when he is close to me, the way he nibbles my lips when he kisses me." I closed my eyes because I felt a lump in my throat that always was the precursor to tears.

"Come here," he said. I scooted over to where he was sitting on the mattress. He put his arms around me and held me tight. "Ian is a lucky guy."

After a minute of enjoying my Ian fix I responded. "Thank you. You know you should call Ian. He might be able to help. After all, he's been dealing with me all of these months with the whole Nate thing."

"Yeah, but you always come back."

"Well, you haven't given her a chance to come back. Why don't you get cleaned up and I'll meet you in the kitchen for breakfast."

I went back to Sunny's room. She was gone. I strode casually back to the kitchen. I still couldn't get used to the lighted tunnels. Every time I left and came back, another set of tunnels had light. Sunny wasn't in the kitchen. Ice was there.

When he saw me, he opened his arms and said, "Hey Beautiful!"

He did it just the way Nate always did. "Are you mocking me?"

"Never! I didn't know that Nate had the market cornered on the word 'beautiful'. I don't suppose you'd want me to call you Babydoll."

"You know I miss them both enough as it is."

"I'm sorry." He gave me a pouty face and hugged me. All of a sudden there was a commotion in the tunnel.

At first it was just yelling and then I heard Sunny's voice.

"You want a baby so bad, why don't you carry it yourself?"

Kyle countered with "If I could do that, I wouldn't need you!"

I won't repeat what Sunny said next because I don't say that word but I can tell you, it wasn't conducive to make up sex.

Sunny marched up to me. "I'm going on a road trip tonight. Are you coming?"

"I guess so," I stammered. I wanted to go on a road trip to pick up my wedding dress or at least have one last fitting. I also wanted to get things for Melanie's baby shower. I glared at Kyle because I had just finished telling him to give her the chance to miss him and here he was picking a fight. I pulled Sunny by the arm to follow me to the food and we filled our plates. Then we found ourselves a cubby and we sat down to eat.

"I'm glad you want to go on a road trip. I think time apart might be good for you and Kyle. I want to pick up the gowns so I can take them back with me when I go back to the mountain. We also need to get the supplies for Mel's shower."

"That's fine but my purpose for this trip is to go out. I need to party with someone who doesn't have babies on his mind."

"Sure, we can go to the club if you want." I was trying to appease her. "If you don't mind, I want to talk to Kyle. You are one of my closest friends but Kyle is going to be my brother-in-law. I just want to hear from him."

"Whatever, as long as we leave tonight," she said bitterly.

Kyle grabbed his food and didn't stick around. He left the kitchen. I finished eating and as we were getting ready to leave Melanie and Jared came in. She had grown so much since I had last seen her. It was her last trimester and she was blossoming.

"Oh my god, look at you!" I hugged Melanie. Jared was beaming. Sunny excused herself and left. At least she was polite about it. "You better not have that baby on my wedding day!"

"When _is_ the wedding?"

"December twelfth. Ian promised everything would be ready by then."

"How is Ian?"

"He's been wonderful. He's done a complete turnaround. He and Nate have even become friends again." I paused. "Wait till you come to the mountain. You'll love it! Victoria is painting everything that doesn't move. It's beautiful. Oh, and I have coats and mittens for everyone! It's getting cold up there. Nate says they often get snow before Christmas."

"Do they celebrate Christmas?"

"Well, they celebrate the joy of being together. They have a big meal and they put up a Christmas tree. Of course, it won't be till after the wedding because they are going to put it in the building that will be used for the reception. Some of them exchange gifts…nothing too fancy. A lot of them are handmade and come from the heart."

"That sounds really nice," Melanie said sweetly.

"Are you ready for your Christmas gift?" I patted her belly that was the center of attention.

Jared answered. "I am so ready."

"I can't believe a few months ago you were so dead set against this. I wish you could make Sunny a believer."

"Yeah, what's with her?"

"She doesn't want children and Kyle does. I told him to give her some space for now. I can't see either of them with anyone else."

When I finished spending some time with Jared and Mel, I went to find Kyle. He was working alone on the back field.

"You need some help?"

"If only you could help me," he said sadly.

"I'm sorry. Why did you start that fight with her? I told you to give her space."

"I didn't mean to. We ran into each other at the bathing room."

"You know she wants to go on a road trip and she wants to leave tonight."

"I hope you told her no."

"Kyle, I can't stop her from going. She's a grown woman."

"Jeb can," he pointed out.

"She's pretty determined. He may have to shoot her to stop her. Is that what you want? You want to hold her here against will?"

"No." He stared at the ground.

"I'll go with her. I need to get some stuff done for both the baby shower and the wedding."

"Okay. Try to talk some sense into her."

I spent the rest of the afternoon helping Kyle in the garden. He was quiet. It was so unlike him.


	37. Chapter 37

**So, I have decided to honor a request by the lovely Ladaane….sort of. Tonight I began to write "Nate's Diary". It will begin on the day the 2 clans met and will continue past the end of this story. I'm still working it out as to whether it will be all diary entries or if I will go "first person Nate real time" in the story as well. I hope to have enough to post by the time this story ends. Bear with me as this is still in its very early stages and I am currently in the final stages of the final edit of For the Love of Brynn. Funny, it sounds so "final." In the meantime enjoy. I do this for you.-NL**

LOST SOUL

THAT EVENING SUNNY AND I LEFT QUIETLY without fanfare. We took the van since we needed to hang the gowns. Sunny drove. I took the opportunity to call Ian. As usual, I called Nate and he in turn found Ian.

"Hello, Babydoll?"

"Hi. I miss you."

"I miss you more. How are things at the caverns?"

"Not so good."

"What's wrong?"

"It's Kyle and Sunny. They're not…speaking."

Sunny called out loud enough for Ian to hear that she was shouting but not really understanding the words. She shouted, "Tell him the truth. We broke up….for good."

"What did she say?"

"She said they broke up…for good."

"Why would they break up? Did Kyle cheat on her?"

"No. It seems Kyle wants children and Sunny doesn't. They have reached an impasse."

"You're kidding, right?"

"No, not at all."

"Holy crap. That sucks."

"Yes, it certainly does. We are on a road trip. We are going to Tucson."

His voice changed. "She's dragging you to the club."

"Right." I was trying to make sure that Sunny didn't get the whole conversation. I didn't want to provoke her.

"Are you going tonight?"

"No, tomorrow. The plan is to shop tomorrow. I need to get a dress for Melanie." I forgot that I hadn't told him about her. "Oh my god, wait till you see her, she is so cute!" Sunny shot me a dirty look. I looked directly at Sunny. "Well, she is!" Sunny turned her attention back to the road and I turned my attention back to Ian. "We had a dress in mind but I wasn't sure. Now that I've seen her I know it will be perfect. I'm hoping to pick up my dress and the other gowns as well. Then we need to shop for the baby shower. We need to get the decorations and I was going to get a bunch of diapers and wipes and other supplies for the baby. I want to make sure everyone has something to give her."

"When's the shower?" Ian asked.

"This weekend." I paused. "How are things at the mountain?"

"Everyone is good. I think we'll have heat in the second building tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed that we don't overload the circuits and lose power altogether. Dad says he's pretty sure we'll be okay but you never know." He paused. "I miss you babe."

"I know I miss you too. I try to look at it as every day I am here is one day closer to the day I am back with you rather than one more day that I have to be away from you."

"The glass is half full. That's what I love about you. Well, Nate and Burns have been with me pretty much every waking moment. I feel like the only time I am alone is when I go to bed and then I can't sleep."

"Well, tell yourself when you go to sleep you can dream of me."

He chuckled. "I'll try that."

"Well, I'm going to let you go. Be good and don't kill Nate."

"I won't. I love you."

"I love you, too. Bye."

After I hung up the phone, I tried to reason with Sunny.

"Ian's good. He said he misses me."

"He should. Is he still kissing your butt?"

"I don't know that I would call it that, but, yes he's gained a new perspective and he's been very sweet and very understanding." I was quiet in the van. I decided to ask Sunny about Kyle. "Can I ask you a question?"

"That depends."

"Do you love Kyle?" She was quiet. "I'm sorry. I guess that I shouldn't have asked."

She sighed. I could see the glisten in her eye where the tear was forming.

"Of course I love him. Jodie loved him and I had all of her memories and then when we finally got together, I think it was even better than her memories."

"You know if you _did_ decide to have a baby, I would be more than happy to help you with the little one and I could get Ian to train you to get you back into shape. We could even dance together. That's great exercise."

"I can't. I don't want to talk about it."

I didn't answer her, so we drove in silence. We arrived at our usual hotel and settled in for the night. The following day, we went to the bridal shop. I tried on my gown and it fit perfectly. With the wedding only five weeks away the excitement made my stomach do flip flops. I was exuberant. I had to call Ian while I was wearing my dress.

"Hey, Beautiful!"

"Nate, can I _please_ talk to Ian?"

"You know I'm starting to get just a little insulted that you never want to talk to me anymore."

"Nate, please let me talk to Ian. _Please?_"

"Okay, here he is." He sounded disappointed but my mind was only on Ian.

"Hello?"

I gushed. "Oh, Ian. I'm wearing my wedding dress and it's so beautiful. I'm so excited."

He chuckled. "I'm glad you're excited. I can't wait to see you come down the aisle but I'm checking your bouquet first."

"Oh, Ian. Don't even think that."

"I don't know. Nate's got an evil look in his eye."

"Ian, don't tease me."

"Babydoll, there is nothing that will keep me from you. You should know that by now."

"I do."

"Enjoy the rest of your day, my love. Call me tonight if you can."

"I will. I love you."

"I love you more."

We picked up the rest of the gowns. Sunny tried on her gown and she looked stunning. The dress we had picked out for Melanie was still available so we purchased that as well. All the gowns were hung carefully in the back of the van. The next stop was at the local Wal-mart where we got everything for the baby that we needed from diaper changing to party supplies. Afterward, we went to eat. We ate at the Italian restaurant that we went to last time when I was getting sick and I didn't eat. This time I enjoyed the food immensely. Sunny seemed to perk up now. The idea of being out and not cooped up in the caverns seemed to bring her enjoyment.

"I think we should hit the club around ten. We don't want to show up too early."

"Why?"

"Because you can't make an entrance if no one is there to see you."

"Oh, how stupid of me," I joked. I hadn't realized that we were going to make an entrance. Apparently, Sunny wanted to be noticed. She was on the prowl and she knew all the tricks. I was just a little scared of how this night would turn out. After dinner we went back to the hotel to get ready. I decided to wear the dress I had worn to dinner with Fords Deep Water simply because it was more sophisticated and I didn't want to draw the wrong type of attention to myself. Although I wore makeup, I didn't put on anything too heavy. I tried to keep it youthful and innocent.

At the club, Sunny was right. We made an entrance and about a dozen guys made a beeline for us. I kept it light. I danced when the songs were upbeat but the slow songs I stayed near the bar and nursed my drink. I didn't really want to drink but Sunny ordered for both of us. The few guys brave enough to attempt conversation with me were let down quickly when I flashed them my engagement ring and let them know I would be married in a month. The evening was going well until Sunny polished off her fifth drink. She started to get wilder. Although I was able to keep the majority of the guys at bay, Sunny was enjoying the attention. One good looking college guy in particular seemed to capture her interest. He had his arm around her when we weren't dancing as if to claim her in front of the other suitors. As the evening wound down and I thought we would soon be heading back to the hotel, Sunny came to me.

"We've been invited to join Jonathan and his friends for a party."

I knew this could be trouble. "Sunny, I'm really tired. I don't think we should go."

She was quick to answer. "Then you go back to the hotel and I'll meet you there in the morning."

I couldn't just leave her. We had a pact. "Fine, but just for an hour, okay?"

"We'll see."

We got into a late model sedan with three college guys. I sat in the front with the driver. His name was Freshwater Swimmer but everyone just called him 'Fresh'. I had danced with him a few times throughout the night at the club. Sunny was in the back with Jonathan and another whose name I didn't catch. She and Jonathan were getting very friendly and I was not happy about it. I kept thinking about Kyle and how he would expect me to protect his interests. I didn't know what to do at this point other than to just stay with her and hope we would be going home after the hour.

The hour passed much too slowly for me and obviously much too quickly for her because when I went to her, she again told me to go without her. I was afraid because Fresh seemed to be hovering and when I asked him for something to drink he brought me an alcoholic drink that was very strong. I had asked for soda. I went out on the porch and did the only thing I could think of. I called Nate. The phone rang and went to voice mail the first time I called. I hung up and called again. After the fourth ring he answered.

"Wanda? Is that you?" It was obvious that I had waked him from a deep sleep.

"Yes, Nate."

"What time is it?"

"I don't know, three o'clock?"

"Three o'clock? Are you all right?"

"Not really. Sunny dragged me to this frat house or something after the club. I can't get her to leave. I don't know what to do."

"Let me get dressed and I'll get Ian."

"No. Don't tell him. He'll freak out. I need your help. Tell me what I should do to get her out of here."

At that moment Fresh came out onto the porch. "Why are you sitting out here all alone? The party is inside."

"I'm talking to my friend on the phone."

Nate was concerned. "Who is that?"

"He lives here with Jonathan. That's who Sunny is spending time with."

"I better wake Ian."

"No!"

"If I don't and anything at all happens to you, do you have any idea what he would do to me?"

"I shouldn't have called."

"Well, it's too late now. Let me call you back when I'm on my way."

"No!" I whispered into the phone because Fresh was still on the porch waiting for me to get off the phone. "Don't hang up on me. I'm scared."

"Okay, I have to put the phone down for just a minute while I get my clothes on."

"Okay." I tried to relax and act as though I was listening to him so Fresh wouldn't take the opportunity to make an advance. I threw in some 'I know's and uh-huh's' like I was answering him. After a minute Nate got back on the phone.

"Hey, Beautiful. How much have you had to drink?"

"Me, only two at the bar and one here which was very strong and I didn't finish it."

"What about Sunny?"

"I don't know. She's got a higher tolerance than me. I want to go home Nate."

He detected the fear in my voice. "Has this guy on the porch done anything?"

I turned my back on Fresh and spoke low again. "No, but he is the one who made me the drink."

Nate was having a hard time speaking because he was running to the house. I heard him hit the steps.

"Nate, when you give Ian the phone please try to keep him calm."

"Yeah, you too. Don't let him know you are scared. Don't use that word."

I could hear Nate trying to rouse Ian. I could hear him speaking to him. After a minute Ian took the phone.

"Wanderer, it's three o'clock in the morning. Where the hell are you?"

I spoke loudly now. I had completely forgotten to keep my voice low so Fresh heard everything. "Ian, promise me you won't destroy Nate's phone."

"Wanderer, where are you?"

"Promise!"

"I won't destroy Nate's phone," he said calmly.

"Good, because I need to know you are there on the other end."

"Where. Are. You?" He spoke very deliberately.

"Arizona State."

"The college?"

"Yes."

"Where…exactly?" I could hear the tension in his voice.

"Um, I think it's a frat house."

"Are you out of your mind? Get the hell out, NOW!" The calm that Ian had earlier projected was gone. He was upset.

"Ian, I would like nothing more than to leave. It's Sunny, she won't go."

"Are you with someone?" It was an accusation.

"NO! I love you! I wanted to leave when the club closed but she said she was coming here and for me to go back to the hotel. I couldn't leave her. She promised to stay just an hour and that hour has gone by. I don't know what to do."

Fresh heard me defending myself to Ian and I could only hope that he decided I wasn't worth the trouble. He went inside.

"Let me talk to her." He hissed.

"Ian, remember she is angry and drunk right now. Be careful how you handle her, please?" My voice was quivering. Thankfully, he picked up on my distress and changed his own tone with me.

"Okay, calm down. I'll try to get her to go with you but if she doesn't please go without her. Will you do that for me?" His voice was kind now.

"Yes, I really don't want to be here."

I found Sunny lying with her back up against Jonathan on the couch. He was caressing her as they listened to music.

"Sunny, Ian's on the phone. He wants to speak with you."

"I don't want to talk to your fiancé."

"Please, just hear him out. For me?"

She held out her hand for the phone and I promptly handed it to her.

"Hello, Ian," she said defiantly…"I told her she could go."…"This is your brother's battle, not yours."…"I don't particularly care what you think."…"I'm not that drunk."…"She's fine. No one has touched her."… "No! I don't want to leave."…"Fine I'll call the taxi for her myself."…"Maybe, maybe not."…"Honestly the only reason I had to stay was for Kyle and now that's all blown to hell."…"I would never tell. Give me a _little_ credit."…"Fine, I'll be there either way."

She handed the phone back to me. "Ian wants me to call a taxi for you so you don't have to hang up."

"Are you coming with me?"

"No. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Sunny, please?"

"Wanda, look you have your life. Let me live mine. Go wait for your taxi."

I backed away from her and put the phone back to my ear. "Ian?"

"Still here, babe."

"What did you say to her?"

"I just tried to reason with her. I told her that if the shoe was on the other foot, you wouldn't make her stay out like this."

"She told me at the club to go back to the hotel if I didn't want to come."

"I tried to reason with her that she wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardize what she has with Kyle."

"Yes I kinda got that part. She insists she's not drunk but she's had at least six drinks. She carries herself well."

"I think she's going to bolt back into soul society. I told her she had humans to protect even if she hated Kyle."

"She would never tell. If I was making the same decision and I almost did at one point, I would have never told about the clans."

Ian's voice went very soft. "I'm so glad you didn't make that choice."

I was on the porch again and Fresh once again had joined me. I ignored him.

"Ian, do you have any idea how in love with you I am?" I said this for two reasons. One was in reply to his last statement and the other was to let Fresh know once and for all that he had no chance.

Fresh walked up to where I was sitting on the porch. "Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt. Your friend, Sunny, asked that I make sure you got into the taxi."

"Thank you. That's very nice of you."

He smiled a kind smile.

"I wasn't going to attack you or anything. I thought you were nice and I had fun dancing with you. Sometimes, girls say they are engaged to keep guys away. I thought if I got to know you, it might turn out that you weren't engaged but I see that you are. I'm sorry if I upset you."

"Thank you Fresh. I appreciate your honesty."

He sat at the other end of the porch and waited for the taxi to arrive. I remained on the phone with Ian. When the taxi drove up, Fresh walked me down to the street and opened the taxi door for me. Once in, he gave the instructions to the driver and sent me on my way. I never hung up with Ian. He stayed on the phone with me until I was safely inside the hotel room.

"Ian, please thank Nate for his decision to wake you."

"What do you mean 'his' decision?" Ian said cautiously.

"I was….afraid you might blow up."

He chuckled. "Yeah, I could see how you would think that. Actually Nate is still sitting here with me and Burns got up when he heard the talking. You can thank Nate yourself." Ian handed the phone to Nate.

"Wanda?"

"Hey. I wanted to thank you for going to Ian tonight. As usual, you made the right decision."

"Anything for you. I just wanted to make sure you were all right. I wanted to make sure you were both all right. We can't have any fighting this close to the wedding."

"I love you Nate, you know that right?" I did love him and I wanted him to know that, even if it wasn't the same way that I loved Ian. It took Ian to show me that I could love them both in different ways.

"Friends forever."

"Forever."

"I can go back to bed, now that I know you are safe. We have a lot of work to do in the morning."

"I'm sorry I woke you."

"If I had to be woken up, I'm glad it was by you. Good night, Beautiful. Ian wants to say good night."

"Thank you again. Good night, Nate."

"Hello, I wanted to say good night too."

"Burns? I'm sorry we woke you. I really needed Ian."

"I know and I'm sure he is glad that you called. I know if it was Lily, I would be worried to death. I too, went to college. I've been to those parties."

"Well, it wasn't a crazy party, more like a bunch of people getting together after the club closed. I just didn't want to be put in that situation."

"I understand. Sleep well, little sister. I'll see you soon."

"Good night, Burns."

I heard Ian's voice once again on the phone. "Hey, Babydoll. All of your admirers have gone back to bed. It's just you and me now."

"I wish you were here with me. I wish I could snuggle into your arms."

"That's a nice thought. Listen, I hate to break you out of your happiness but we need to talk about Sunny."

"She's coming back tomorrow, right?"

"Maybe. She assured me that she was but who knows how she will feel in the morning. I want you to call her at noon if she doesn't show up. Call me after that, either way."

"What if she doesn't show up?"

"Then unfortunately you are going to be giving Kyle some bad news."

"No! I don't want to do that!" I was in a panic.

"Believe me; I don't want you to do it either. If she doesn't come back then he is going to be a mess. You are going to be the only one who can console him and I hate the thought of you and him together even under those circumstances."

"I don't want to think about it. She has to come back."

"Let's hope so. I love you, Wanderer."

"I love you too. You are always in my thoughts."

"I have to hang up now. I don't want to but this phone is starting to beep. The battery needs to be charged. I miss you."

"Bye." I didn't want to hang up. I lay in the bed exhausted. It was after four now. I didn't want to sleep but my body protested my mind and soon I was in a deep sleep.

I didn't wake until nearly noon. I sat up immediately to see if there were any signs of Sunny but there wasn't. I got up, showered, and dressed before I dialed Sunny's phone. There was no answer. I tried again but there was still no answer. This time I left a message for her to call me. I told her I wasn't going anywhere until I saw her. I didn't call Ian because I knew if I did he would tell me to just go home. Instead I went to the front desk and took the room for another night. After that I went out to get some breakfast. I left the phone in the room simply because if Ian called I wouldn't be lying if I told him I didn't answer it because I didn't have the phone with me. The downside was if Sunny called I wouldn't be able to answer it either. At least I would know that she cared enough to call and I could call her back.

When I returned to the hotel there was a car parked in front of the room. I quickly entered and found Sunny sleeping in my bed and Jonathan was asleep in Sunny's bed. I didn't know what to do. I went into the bathroom and called Ian.

"Hello?"

"Ian, she's back but she's not alone. They're sleeping."

"That's not good if they've already slept together," Ian replied.

"Well, she's sleeping in my bed and he's sleeping in hers."

"That's encouraging."

"What am I supposed to do?"

"Well, you could wake her up."

"I don't want to wake her."

"Babydoll, you can't wait all day for her to wake up."

"Yes, I can."

"Fine. I'm not going to argue with you. Call me when you have some kind of news."

"Are you okay? You sound kind of mad."

"I am, but I'm not mad at you. I'm sorry I snapped at you. I'm just tired."

"That's my fault."

"No. You were right to call me. Look, we are all tired. We are going to see if we can just get through the day and try to get to bed early. I'd like to know you are home safe."

"Okay, I'll wake her at six. I'll make sure I leave here by seven whether I am traveling with or without Sunny. I'll call you in that time frame. Is that okay?"

"That's perfect Babydoll. What are you going to do till then?"

"I'll watch TV I guess."

"All right, I love you."

"I love you too."

I spent the rest of the afternoon watching movies because soap operas were too boring. They had nothing on my life. At six, they were both still asleep but Sunny did stir a few times in the last hour. I decided it was time to face the inevitable.

I shook her gently. "Sunny, wake up."

"Kyle, leave me alone." She still had Kyle on her mind. That was a good sign.

"Sunny, wake up. It's me, Wanderer."

She sighed. "How long have I been asleep?"

"I don't know. I've been watching TV for the last four and a half hours. We need to get home."

"Where's Jonathan?"

"He's sleeping in my bed."

"Oh, good, he didn't leave me."

"Why is that good?"

"Because that means he wants me to go back with him."

"No, you can't! You need to come back with me and be with Kyle like you are supposed to be," I cried out.

"It won't work. He wants to be a dad. I don't like children. If I stay with him, he will eventually hate me for not giving him a son," she reasoned.

"Sunny, you can't. You love Kyle. Admit it!"

"Wanderer, sometimes, love just isn't enough."

"I don't believe that. Not for a moment."

We were both crying now. "Please go. Tell the others I will keep their secret. Tell Kyle…I'm sorry. I wish it could be different."

"It _can _be," I said loud enough that Jonathan woke up.

"Sunny?"

"I'm here Jonathan. If you want me to, I'll come back to your place and see where it goes…but I want my own place to sleep."

"Right. Take it slow. We can do that."

She wiped her tears from her face and forced a smile at me. "I love you Wanda. Take care of yourself and have a wonderful life with Ian."

Jonathan got off the bed and Sunny grabbed her bag of clothes. "You have my cell number if you really need to call. Please tell Kyle it would be better for him if he didn't try to contact me." She grabbed Jonathan by the hand and they left quickly and quietly.

I sat on the edge of the bed and put my head in my hands and cried. I cried because I had just lost my best friend and I cried for Kyle because he would be devastated.

I didn't want to leave. I just wanted to curl up in the bed and sob for a while. This hurt almost as much as losing Ian. I must have fallen asleep because the phone woke me. It was Ian.

"Babydoll, it's eight o'clock. I've been waiting for your call."

"I'm sorry I fell asleep."

"Where's Sunny?"

"Gone," I said quietly.

"What happened?"

"She said that love wasn't enough. I told her she was wrong. She left with Jonathan. Kyle will be so sad. I can't go back!"

"You have to Babydoll. I know it's hard but it's part of growing up. Sometimes we have to give people bad news. I wish I could be there with you but I can't."

"He'll hate me."

"No, he won't. Take Jeb or Aaron or Jared with you when you tell him just to be on the safe side."

"Okay. Can't I just stay here tonight and go tomorrow? She might change her mind."

"Even if she did, she won't think that you stuck around. Babe, I'm dead on my feet right now. I need to sleep. Please call me and wake me when you get to the caverns so I know you made it home. Nate let me keep the phone so he can sleep. I'll keep it on the nightstand. If I don't hear it the first time, keep calling."

"Okay, I miss you so much."

"I miss you too. Be strong for Kyle. He needs you right now. I love you."

"I love you too, Bye."

I felt numb as I drove back to the caverns. I got there very late. Ian answered the phone on the second ring so he must have been sleeping lightly. He gave me words of encouragement and asked me to call him tomorrow to let him know how Kyle was taking it. It was midnight by the time I drove up under the overhang. Luck was with me that Jared and Geoffrey were on duty.

"Where's Sunny?" Jared asked.

"She didn't come back."

"What do you mean she didn't come back?"

"I mean she felt that things between her and Kyle couldn't work so she decided to go back to living in the outside world."

"Are you crazy? She could turn us all in," Jared growled.

"She won't do that. She's hurt and she's sad. She doesn't hate us. She doesn't even hate Kyle. She just knows it wouldn't be right if she stayed. Believe me, I tried to talk her into coming back and so did Ian."

"I hope you're right. Jeb will not be pleased. He'll have double guard duty like we used to have, someone here and someone at the garage."

"I'm sorry. This is not my fault. It's no one's fault. It just is."

I went to the game room. Kyle was asleep. I didn't wake him. Instead I went to Sunny's room and went to sleep.


	38. Chapter 38

**Sorry guys, I had a date with a friend of mine. Saw Water for Elephants. It was a good movie. Rob Pattinson never disappoints me. I bought Remember Me and I still cry EVERY time I see it. I hope you like the chapter. Feel free to comment. I always look forward to your opinions and your predictions.**

GROWN UP DECISIONS

IN THE MORNING IT WAS JEB WHO WOKE ME.

"Good morning, young lady. I hear you have returned to us alone."

"I'm sorry, Jeb. She didn't want to come back."

"Then we have a problem. Do you know where she is?"

"I know where she _was_. Whether or not she is still there I couldn't tell you. Why?"

"We have to kidnap her," Jeb said bluntly.

"You can't!" I was distressed at the thought of taking Sunny against her will.

"I can't take a chance that she tells even one other soul."

"She won't. She promised. Jeb, she loves Kyle. She's just hurt."

"What if she does? We'll all be in trouble. I knew trusting you souls would get me into trouble sooner or later." It was the first time I had ever heard Jeb sound angry.

"How could you say that?" I started to cry. "Do you have any idea how hard it is going to be to give this news to Kyle? I can only hope that she will change her mind and come home."

"I hope you're right because I am going to give her two months. If she doesn't come back then I will send Jared out to get her one way or the other. If I wait much longer than that then she may slip up and tell someone. Even six weeks is stretching it but I'm taking your wedding and Mel's due date into consideration here. Also at Christmas she won't be expecting us to come."

"I don't agree with you but I understand your need to protect the family. Jeb, will you come with me to tell Kyle? The last time I trusted an O'Shea not to lose it, I lost. I would feel better if you were with me."

"Sure. You should go wash up first."

I went to the bathing room and who should I run into? Kyle. Crap! Jeb was waiting for me back at the main cavern.

"Wanda! You're back! How is Sunny? Did you talk to her?" The biggest issue I faced right now was that we were in the outer room of the bathing room which is the very place that Kyle tried to drown me once before. I most certainly did not feel comfortable with giving him this news in this place. I shuddered at the thought.

I grabbed him by the hand. "Come with me." I dragged him through the tunnels towards where I knew I had a protector waiting.

"Wanda, where are we going?"

"To the main cavern."

"Why?"

"Because." I didn't have any other answer to give him. What was I supposed to say? Because I was afraid of him?

"Wanda, stop." He pulled me to a halt in the middle of the tunnels. "Talk to me."

My heart was pounding. I couldn't look at him. Huge tears began to slide down my cheeks. "She didn't come back, did she?" I couldn't speak because of the lump in my throat. I just shook my head back and forth.

I looked up at him and his lower lip was quivering like a child that was about to cry. He put his head down and walked swiftly away from me. "Kyle!" I croaked.

He was way ahead of me but I could hear his footsteps pounding through the tunnels. I ran to Sunny's room and found him on his hands and knees on the mattress in their room. He was rocking back and forth. I entered the room slowly. I put my hand to my mouth at the sight of him. "I'm sorry, Kyle. I tried to make her come home."

He spoke softly. "What did she say?"

"She said…" I took a deep breath. "She said love was not enough. She said if she stayed with you, you would eventually hate her for not giving you a baby."

Kyle lowered his head and let it hang. He collapsed down to his elbows and began sobbing. I knelt slowly next to him and hugged him from above. He flipped to his side and pulled me to him and buried his head in my chest. "Hold me." That was all he said. I held him all day while he cried. I cried with him. My heart was broken so I could only imagine what he felt. Jeb had found us pretty early on and saw that I was okay and left us. Melanie came later at the request of Jared. She expressed her sincere apologies for his loss. It was as if she had died. I took the opportunity to go to the bathing room and wash up while Mel stayed with him. I went to the kitchen and made us sandwiches and drinks and carried it back to the room. So many times in the past, it had been me in the fetal position devastated with sadness. Now it was my turn to console the devastated.

"Kyle, please eat."

"Why? What do I have to live for?"

"You have your family. When the souls took over you had a will to live. You still have that. Tonight you and I can go and you can call her from the garage."

"How do I know she would even answer?"

"You don't. She asked me to tell you not to call her but since when do I ever listen to what people tell me."

"What am I supposed to say?"

"You just lost the love of your life. There must be something you want to say. Come on, Kyle. Say anything! Don't you want her back?"

"Of course I do."

"You still want her on your terms?"

He didn't answer. I couldn't believe that he was still hell bent on losing her over a child that had not even been conceived. "Unbelievable. You know what? I'm going to the game room. I need to get some of this pent up anger out. When you come to your senses then come see me." I stormed out of the room.

By the time I got to the game room my anger had waned. I understood both sides of the argument and I sympathized with both of them. Some one needed to compromise. Ian and I had gone through the same issues and more but we compromised. Well, I compromised mostly. Then again he dealt with my love for Nate. That was a huge compromise. At any rate, we worked through them. We may have been apart but I never left the humans. My head hurt. I took off my shoes. I changed into a leotard and flowing skirt I had stashed in the game room with Maggie's things. I turned on some soft lilting music and I began to dance. I let the music take my body. After a few minutes I began to stretch my legs. Although I could do a regular split I couldn't do the Russian splits anymore. I was bound and determined to stretch and get it back. I stretched as much as I could without pulling the muscle. I did jumps, turns, and pirouettes again and again until I was sweating. When I finally had enough I slumped to the floor and just laid there staring up at the ceiling. I hadn't thought of Ian all day. Now I thought about us together. I was afraid. Who ever would have thought Sunny and Kyle would break up. I knew that Ian and I loved each other. Now my fear was something that else might keep us apart. Gunshots and car accidents ran through my mind and that old dream, the stabbing at the altar. I hated having all this turmoil in my head.

I went to the kitchen for dinner. Lily was there. She came to me. "I heard about Sunny. Kyle must be so sad."

My anger came back but I tried not to show it. "He is."

Lily and I ate together. "Hey, I want to go and call Ian. Would you like to come along? I know that Burns is just chomping at the bit to talk to you."

"I'd love to come."

"Good."

She and I went right after dinner. The sun was going down. I went to Jamie and asked him if he wanted to come as well but I gave him a time limit with Megan. Lily called Burns first. They spoke for about twenty minutes. I let Jamie go second since Megan was in the game room where Burns was. According to Lily, Ian and Nate were together. Burns said they were plotting and planning. He wouldn't elaborate to her but he said I should call Nate's phone. Jamie got thirty minutes. He hung up literally on the thirtieth minute. Now it was my turn.

"Hello, Beautiful."

"Hi…Nate." I was tense.

"Oh, you don't sound good."

"I'm okay, I'm just aggravated. Can I speak to Ian? Burns said you were together."

"Sure, he's right here." There was a minute before I heard Ian's voice.

"Hey, Babydoll. Still love me?"

"More than ever."

"How did things go with Kyle?"

I sighed. "He guessed that she didn't come back. Then he took off for his room. I followed him and told him what she said. He cried and I held him for a long time. I told him he should call her and he said what for? I am so aggravated with him right now. He_ still_ feels like she needs to carry his child to be with him. What kind of self obsessed pig headed idiot would lose the woman he loves for something so trivial? I mean accidents happen. People get pregnant all the time without even trying. Look at Melanie."

"Babydoll, this is not your fight. Leave him be. If he wants to call her he'll have to come to you. Give him a few days. The loneliness will wear on him. Think about how it was when we were apart after the first trip to the mountain. The first day was the easiest. It got harder with every day after that. It took you six weeks to come back and stake your claim."

"It took six weeks because you asked me not to come. I don't like to be reminded of those days."

"I remind myself all the time. It's one of the ways I keep my jealousy in check. That reminds me, it's one day closer to when we can be together."

He made me smile. "I know. I was thinking, when I come back I'm going to bring as many people as I can with me so there will be less to bring later."

"Who are you going to bring?"

"Well, I figured Lily and Jamie for sure. They have reasons to definitely want to come early. I thought I'd bring Kyle and Aaron. Kyle needs his family and Aaron can hang with Kyle. I was going to ask Trudy and Geoffrey if they wanted to come up early."

"What about Mel and Jared?"

"No, they need to travel with Doc or Candy just in case she goes into labor early."

"Good point."

"What are you and Nate up to?"

"It's a surprise."

"What kind of surprise?"

"No questions now. Let's just say it's keeping us both busy."

I huffed. "Okay."

"Listen, try not to judge Kyle."

I huffed again. "I love Kyle. I just don't understand his priorities."

"Are you going to take Ice on a road trip?"

"Why?"

"Without Sunny, who will shop for them? Only you and Burns are left."

"I didn't even think about that. Jeb was angry about Sunny. He says he's giving her two months to come back and then he will send Jared out to kidnap her. He's afraid she'll slip up."

"If he kidnaps her, she might just leave again. She knows her way around the caverns. The only way to protect the family will be to remove her from the host and send her to another planet," Ian pointed out. It was something I hadn't considered.

"Ian. I don't want that for her," I lamented.

"It's not our decision."

I started to cry.

"Don't cry, my love. Pray. And don't tell Kyle what we have discussed here."

"I miss you so much. It was hard being away from you when we were fighting but this is even harder."

"That's because you're going through a crisis. I would say to try not to think about it, but I know that's an impossibility. Talk to Jeb. You should get Ice out into society as soon as possible and you should get him a cell phone as well."

"I will. I have to go. I love you."

"I am so in love with you. Oh, I dreamt of you last night. It was a nice dream."

"What was it about?"

"Nate's here. I can't really talk about it."

I smiled. "Oh, one of _those_ dreams."

"Uh-huh."

"Okay, thanks."

"For what?"

"For making me smile," I said coyly.

"You always make me smile."

"All right. Keep smiling. I love you! ...Bye."

On the way back to the caverns I let both Lily and Jamie know that I wanted to take them with me back to the mountain when I left. They were both excited at the prospect of seeing their loved ones sooner than they had anticipated.

The following morning I went looking for Jeb. I found him in Doc's office.

"Hey, Jeb. Can we talk?"

"Sure. I always have time for you."

Doc excused himself and left us alone.

"I want to talk about Ice."

"You want to test him?" Doc was shrewd. He obviously had been thinking about the possibilities as well.

"Yes, do you think he's ready?"

"Do you?"

"Well, I know he's involved with Heidi. That in itself gives us hope that he would be loyal. Can I talk to him and feel him out?"

Jeb stroked his beard. "That's a good idea."

"If Sunny doesn't come back and you kidnap her, what are you going to do? How do you intend to keep her from escaping?"

"I don't think you need to worry about that, little lady," he said flatly.

"You're going to remove her from the host and send her away, aren't you?"

Jeb looked at me with a deadpan expression. "Let's hope it doesn't come to that. Everyone has choices."

I left the infirmary dejected. I could only hope that if Sunny didn't come back that she would go somewhere far away to a place that no one would be able to find her.

I tracked down Ice in the main cavern. He was sprawled out on one of the love seats. "Hey, Ice." I tried to sound upbeat. "Where's Heidi?"

"I don't know. I think she's doing laundry or something with Sharon."

"What's the matter with you?'

"I'm bored."

"How would you feel about getting out of these caverns for a while?"

He perked up immediately. "You'll take me back to the mountain?"

"I had a different idea. Would you like to go on a road trip with me?"

"You think Jeb would allow that?"

"Maybe I can talk him into it. Would you be loyal to us? You know I would be placing our lives into your hands. I want to trust you."

He sprang off the couch. He walked over to me and pulled my hair off of my shoulders. He was standing very close and he took my hand in his. "You know, when I was on the mountain, I could have left so many times. I've never really had much of a family. My mother died before the takeover. My father was a son of a bitch. He never cared about me until after he was implanted. I couldn't warm up to him. I had too many bad memories. I've had girlfriends but it's hard to settle down and have a family when you've never really felt like a part of a family. When I was on the mountain, even though I was being held like a prisoner in the root cellar, it was the first time I felt like I was needed. Even the smallest thing, like helping you to get away from Nate, made me feel wanted. Please believe that I would never do anything to jeopardize your life here with Ian." He hugged me tightly.

"Thank you, Ice. I'll talk to Jeb and see if we can go after the baby shower."

Ice walked with his arm around my shoulders to the game room and we settled on the couch and watched a movie together. Near the end of the movie Kyle came in and sat next to me and put his head on my shoulder. He didn't say anything. He had his arms folded across his abdomen. I wasn't sure how to approach Kyle. I had left him in frustration yesterday. I knew he was hurting and Ian told me to be gentle with him. I slid closer to Ice on the couch and pulled Kyle's head into my lap and stroked his hair. That's where he fell asleep. I didn't know when the last time was that he slept. When the movie was over Ice popped in another movie and went to the kitchen to get us some snacks. I was very comfortable hanging out Ice. Kyle started to snore lightly and Ice and I found it amusing and we laughed. We shared popcorn and joked about the movie and talked about other movies we had seen. It was a complete reversal of the last two days. I was grateful to have him with me and I looked forward to our road trip.

After speaking with Jeb, he seemed cautious but willing to let me take him on a road trip after the shower.

The following day was Friday. We wrapped the gifts for Melanie's shower which was planned for tomorrow night. We decided to make a buffet for dinner. Aunt Maggie volunteered to make a cake for her niece. Sharon volunteered to help with the wrapping and decorations. Jared kept Melanie busy while we gathered in the game room to wrap the gifts. The wrappers included myself, Lily, Sharon, Trudy, and Heidi. Candy, Violetta, Lucina, Lacey and Lydia were going to prepare the buffet. They planned on making a salad, grilled chicken breasts, and oven roasted potatoes for the party.

That evening after dinner, Kyle came to me.

"I want to call Sunny," he sounded desperate.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yes, I have to let her know how much I love her."

"What if she won't answer?"

"I have to at least try."

"Okay. Let's go."

Kyle and I ran to the garage. I dialed her number and gave him the phone.

To my surprise, she answered. "Sunny! Please don't hang up."…"I love you."…"Won't you come back to me?"…"How much time?"…"Who is Jonathan?"…"He only wants you for one thing."… "We have a history together. It was a good history."…"I'll never stop loving you."…"You want the truth?" I was worried now that he wouldn't budge from his dream of having a family. "The truth is I would rather have you without children than to not have you at all. There is no point in having a family without you."…"You couldn't love him. It's only been a few days."…"I can't sleep. I need you. I want you."…"Please Sunny." He started to sob. My heart was breaking. "Okay, just tell if you still love me."…"Can I call you again?"…"I will. Good bye." He hung up the phone and completely broke down. I held him while he cried.

"What did she say?"

"She said she needs time," he blubbered between his sobs.

"How much time?"

"She didn't say. Who is this guy Jonathan? She said you would tell me."

I dialed Nate's phone.

"What are you doing?"

"Calling Ian."

"Why?"

"So, he can tell you."

"He knows who Jonathan is?"

"Yes, I kept him up half the night when she met him."

"Hello, Beautiful!"

"Nate, is Ian with you? Kyle wants to speak with him."

"Sure, you know we've been joined at the hip lately. I think I love him."

"You're so funny. This is serious."

The next voice I heard was Ian's. "Hey, Babydoll."

"Hi. I have Kyle here. He wants you to tell him about Jonathan."

"Why don't you tell him?"

"Uh-huh. We are out here by the garage. All alone." I spoke deliberately.

"You're afraid of him," Ian surmised.

"Uh-huh."

"Let me talk to him."

I handed the phone to Kyle. He paced back and forth while he listened to Ian. Finally he handed the phone back to me and started walking back to the caverns.

"Hello?"

"Is he gone?" Ian asked.

"Yes, why did you send him away?"

"I told him that you were afraid he might do what I did to you. I asked him to separate himself from you until he was sure he could maintain control."

"Ian!" I groaned.

"I won't apologize. He is like me. We are the same. I need you to remind him of that. Remind him that he does not want to be self destructive as I have been. Reassure him that she will come back. Tell him Jonathan cannot hold a candle to him."

"I will. Ian, I love you."

"I love you more."

"Bye."

I took off running trying to catch up with him. "KYLE!" By the time I caught him he was walking very slowly with his head down.

"You're wrong about me. I needed you and you were afraid I would hurt you."

"Kyle, I'm sorry. I've just been hurt so many times before. I'm not the brave girl I was in Melanie's body."

"Again, you're wrong." He turned to me in the middle of the desert. He took my face in his hands. "For you to forgive and love my brother after what he has done to you makes you the bravest woman I know."

"Or the most foolish," I responded.

"Do you trust him?"

I smiled. "Yes."

He hugged me tightly. "I have a confession to make. Do you know how you used to call me your 'Ian fix'?"

"Yes, I still feel that way."

"Well, for me, you are my Sunny fix. Do you know the only time I slept in the last two days is when my head was in your lap?" I took that as the plea it was meant to be.

"I'll help you sleep."

That night I slept in Sunny's room with Kyle. As he had comforted me so many times before, I was his comfort.

The next day, I woke happy with the knowledge that I was yet another day closer to being with my true love. That evening, the baby shower was a success. Melanie was thrilled with all of her gifts and all of the ladies in the caverns attended. That evening, Kyle waited for me in the main cavern and I again accompanied him to his room. I hadn't spoken to Ian since the night before and he was unaware of the sleeping arrangements. I hoped he would understand. On Sunday evening, Ice and I left for his first road trip. Kyle decided to take the overnight watch just as Ian had done when I was away. Watch was boring and sleep was welcome by morning light.

I let Ice drive and I reminded him several times to remember to turn on the lights when we got to the highway.

As soon as we were safe on the road, I called Ian.

"Hey, Beautiful. I suppose you want to talk to Ian."

"If you don't mind."

"You know, you owe me."

"I'll let you take it out in trade," I teased.

"Oh! You did not just say that!"

I giggled. "I'll give you a great big hug. How about that?"

"Indian giver!"

I heard what sounded like a tussle on the other end before I heard Ian's voice.

"Hello, Wanderer?"

"How's my sexy Superman?" I was in a great mood.

"Are you drunk?"

I giggled. "No!"

"Then why are you telling Nate he can take it out in trade?"

"I was messing with him."

"Oh."

"Guess what cute guy is driving me to town right now?"

"Ice? Jeb let you take him?"

"Yes."

"Let me talk to him."

"Ice, Ian wants to talk to you." I handed the phone to Ice.

Ice didn't say anything for a long time. Then he finally said, "No problem."

He handed me back the phone. "What did you say to him?"

"Nothing. Just good luck."

"Okay, I'm going to go then. I love you."

"I love you more."

When I hung up the phone I turned to Ice. "What did he say?"

"Nothing." He stared at the road.

"I know Ian better than that. What did he say?"

"He told me that just because we will be sleeping in the same bed doesn't mean I can touch you."

I shook my head. "He's so stupid."

"Why?"

"You are a soul. We can check in together and get two beds."

Ice started laughing. "Well, don't tell him that. Let him stew thinking we shared the same bed."

Everything went as planned with Ice. We had a great time at the phone store getting a new phone and then we shopped for food as Burns and I had done many times before. Ice was so pleasant to be around. The last stop was to pick up the tuxedos. When all was complete we drove home. I took the opportunity to call Ian again.

"Hello Beautiful!"

"Let me speak to Ian please," I demanded.

"You sound angry."

"I'm just a bit perturbed with him."

" Uh-oh." He handed the phone to Ian.

"Hey, Babydoll. How did it go?"

"Everything went well except the sleeping arrangements."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it seems they only had rooms with two queen size beds in them so poor Ice didn't even get to share my bed," I said lyrically.

"Why would that be a problem?"

"I don't know, maybe because Ice was threatened for nothing. Ian, we are both souls so like Burns we can check in together as brother and sister and get two beds."

"Oh."

"Do me a favor? Don't threaten people that I am trying to help…and that includes your brother," I scolded.

"Why would I threaten him?"

"He asked me to help him sleep so I have been spending the nights with him. I am his Sunny fix. I don't want to hear anything about it. Do I make myself clear?"

"Fine, just make sure he doesn't make any stupid phone calls."

"He won't. I promise you that. You know it's only one more week till I get back."

"Seven long days followed by seven long nights."

"Dream of me."

"I will. I love you."

"And I, my sweet Superman, love you more."

The last week at the caverns was thankfully uneventful. Kyle slept in his own room and I stayed in the game room. Ice and I went on another road trip together. He had proven himself to be loyal to the clan. He was one of us now. Sunny did not come back. Kyle called her again five days after the first time. She spoke to him again but did not offer any promise of returning. She did say that she was not in love with Jonathan which was encouraging because she admitted that she did still love Kyle.

The day finally came when we were leaving. We took the van. It was decided by Jeb that eight of us would go. There was me, Kyle, Lily, Jamie, Trudy and Geoffrey, Ice, and Aaron. The plan was for Ice and Aaron to return to the caverns in one week with the van. Ice could get enough food for those being left behind and drive the van again when it was time to bring the final group of humans to the mountain. Burns would also go back to the caverns with the truck to transport the last of the family that planned to attend the wedding. We stopped over at the campground which I still hated. I stuck very close to Kyle the entire time we were there. I made him accompany me to the bathroom even though Lily and Trudy were with me. I wanted someone who knew how to handle a gun.

Ice, Kyle, and I slept while we were at the campground since we were the ones who stayed awake all night. Well, Ice slept part of the time but we wanted to make sure he had enough sleep before driving. It was cold. We snuggled together as we slept. Of course I was in the middle. The others woke Ice after two hours and he drove the rest of the way. Jamie had a map and he was familiar with the drive. By the time we arrived at the mountain, it was late. Everyone was asleep except Ian, Nate, Burns, and Megan. I was driving again. I jumped out of the van and ran to Ian. It was so good to see him. I had no coat on because it had been warm in the van and it was near freezing here. The cold air hit me like an ice cube.

"Oh, Ian!" He picked me up off the ground and spun me around. Our lips met almost immediately. We were desperate to taste each other's lips. He had his arms wrapped around my waist. I pulled my hand around the back of his head and ran my fingers through his hair. His lips were cold from waiting outside for us. There was a barrage of open mouth kisses before he pierced my lips with his tongue and we hungrily tasted each other not seeming to get enough. He nibbled my lips which left me in wanting more.

"I missed you so much," he said as we finally stopped kissing long enough to talk.

"Don't stop kissing me," was all I could say because all I wanted was more of his lips. He obliged and the slow burn kiss began again. He put me down so he could hold my face in his hands and he turned his head in several directions so he could nibble my lips and use his tongue to invite me into his mouth. My head was swimming. I knew there were others around us but I was oblivious to them. By the time we finished we were panting and our foreheads were pressed together so only we could hear each other.

"No more days to wait till we can be together," I said breathless.

"We still have minutes. We can wait minutes, right?"

We both laughed. "I love you, Superman."

As we pulled away from each other I saw Nate sitting on the back steps. He looked so all alone. "I'm going to say hi to Nate."

I pulled away from Ian's unwilling hands. Kyle came up to him as I turned to walk away. Nate was quietly sitting and he smiled as I approached. "Hey, Beautiful." He said in a soft voice. I took his hands and pulled him off of the steps. He stood and put his arms around me and gave me a long tight hug. As he pulled back he ran the back of his fingers along my cheek and cradled my chin in his hand. He leaned in and kissed me on the lips. It wasn't a peck but a short kiss with slightly parted lips. This kiss could have easily become more but he stopped and whispered. "Glad to have you back where you belong." My eyes fell upon Kyle who witnessed this kiss. He started to come towards us with anger but Ian stopped him. He didn't see the kiss but he obviously knew. I pulled Nate by the hand towards the rest of the group. Jamie and Megan were talking a mile a minute to each other as only teenagers could. Burns and Lily were standing together. I was freezing by now and my whole body was shivering. Aaron had grabbed my coat and was coming towards me with it.

"Won't be much of a wedding if the bride's got pneumonia," he spouted as he helped me put my coat on.

"Thanks, Aaron."

I walked back to Ian and he wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

Nate spoke up now. "Most of you will be sleeping in the new bunkhouse. I'll need you to be as quiet as you can because Tom and Maggie are already asleep in there."

I looked up at Ian. "When did they move in there?"

"Today. They knew Lily was coming and they felt that it was time to give Burns his room back."

We entered the building and there was a long hall with five doors. The first room on the left was where Nate led us. There were four bunk beds set up and the two dressers were there as well. The floor was carpeted in a warm brown on the concrete slab floor. The walls were painted a pale blue. The wall with the dressers had a weird mosaic painted from top to bottom. It didn't have a pattern but a myriad of strange objects. Some were recognizable and others were just random shapes and colors. The color palette coordinated with the soft blue of the other walls. One could probably sit in here for a long time and stare at this wall and not get bored.

Nate spoke in a low tone. "Kyle, Jamie, Ice, and Aaron, you four will sleep in here. You have first choice of beds but remember by the time the wedding is here, most if not all beds will be used, so choose your spot carefully."

"The next room is just down the hall if you will follow me."

The next room on the left side of the hall had two queen sized beds in it and only one dresser. This room also had the same carpeting but the room was painted a lovely rose color. There were no murals in here but I suspected that was only because Victoria hadn't gotten here yet.

Nate spoke again. "Tom and Maggie are in the room like this one across the hall. Trudy and Geoffrey, you have your choice of which bed you prefer in here. The other two beds will be reserved for Melanie and Jared and for Doc and Sharon. You have the room to yourself for now. Let me show you all to the bathroom."

We went back to the hall and at the end was the door to the bathroom. It was not a large bathroom like the one at the house. It was modest but it had all the necessary facilities. The tub was a decent size but not like the Jacuzzi in the house. There was a double sink which was nice if two people were sharing the bathroom and a large mirror that covered the width of both sinks. Of course there was a toilet. The walls and the floor were unfinished. "Sorry, we haven't had the chance to finish this room but we have been working under a time crunch. The last room with the bunk beds is also unfinished."

Ian piped up, "We still have two weeks though."

Burns spoke up for the first time. "Breakfast is pretty casual around here. The kitchen is in the house. If you are an early riser we ask that you keep it down to a minimum because some of us like to sleep in." Burns shot a look at me.

I felt the need to defend myself. "I can't help it if I have a hard time falling asleep."

Everyone laughed at my comment. It took me a minute to get it and then I felt my face go hot with embarrassment. Ian pulled me close to him. He whispered in my ear. "It's okay. You won't be sleeping tonight anyway."

The tour had ended and everyone went their separate ways. Nate came to say good night to me and Ian. "I guess it's safe to say we won't be working tomorrow."

Ian retaliated. "Oh, we'll be working all right. We just won't be starting at seven. Burns said some of us like to sleep in so how about we meet at ten?"

Nate replied. "Sure, the special project?"

"Yes, if you don't mind."

"No problem." They gave each other a high five. "Be good to each other." Nate directed his statement to me and disappeared into the night.

As Ian and I walked back to the house behind Burns and Lily, I turned to him. "What's the special project?"

"You ask too many questions. I told you it was a surprise remember?"

"I remember."

"Now, do you want to go and ruin my surprise?"

"No."

"Good, then no more questions and _no _snooping!" He brushed his finger off the tip of my nose.

In the house I immediately headed to the bathroom. "Will you bring me my robe?"

I went to the bathroom and then jumped into the shower. I hadn't showered since yesterday and I felt icky.

"Mind if I come in?" Ian asked.

"Aren't you the one who said we should respect Burns's house? He might be trying to sleep."

"Right, Lily's with him so I don't think so."

"She might want to take a shower too."

He stuck his head in the shower and pouted. I kissed his pouty lips.

"That's it. I'm coming in!"

"No! Wait for me in the bedroom."

He grunted and closed the shower curtain. I finished quickly and as I passed through the living room I knocked on Burns's door. "The bathroom is open if you want to freshen up!" I heard them both yell 'Thank you!' from the other side of the door.

I entered the bedroom and Ian had candles lit. It was romantic. I slipped out of my robe and slinked my way onto the bed. "Stop!" he ordered.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just want to look at you for a minute. You are more beautiful than I remember and I thought I had every detail down pat."

"So, what's different?" I was still in a crawling position even though I wasn't moving.

He ran his fingers from my side under my arm down my breast to the tip and held it in his hand. I shivered from his touch. "Your breast is a bit fuller." Now he took his hand and he slid it around my buttocks to the back of my thigh. His hand on my thigh made me want to pounce on him. "And here, your thigh. It's leaner, stronger. Have you been dancing?" I had been dancing every day but how could he see the difference especially in this light?

"Ian, I want you so bad."

He looked at my eyes. "How bad?" He didn't ask in a teasing voice. He was serious.

I touched him. "Please," I whispered.

"I need you to beg. I need to know you want me more than Nate." Kissing Nate had hurt him even if he didn't see it. I traced his lips with my finger.

"I've never wanted anyone more than I want you and right now if you don't take me I may die from the anticipation. Please, Ian. I'm begging you to make love to me the way that only you can. Please." He began to kiss me and in between each brief parting of our lips I repeated my plea. "Please." Suddenly he lifted me off the bed and onto my back and he was on top of me kissing every part of my body. By the time he got to my thighs I was quivering. I wanted him to go between my thighs but he prolonged the anticipation. I was in agony. I tried to force him there but he resisted.

He stopped kissing my thighs to ask me, "Am I the only man who's ever been here?"

"Yes. You're the only man I want."

"What about Nate?"

"He's only a friend. Please Ian!" I pushed my body towards him and he obliged. The touch of his tongue sent me into sheer ecstasy. He didn't hold back now. Our love making was explosive and he responded to my vocalized pleasure. I was glad Tom and Maggie were not sleeping in the house.

It was early in the morning when we had finally gotten enough of each other and we settled into each other's arms.

"Ian?"

"I hate when you do that."

"Do what?"

"When you say 'Ian?' after we have made love. It's almost like you've been waiting for the right moment to ask me a question and you are choosing when I am most vulnerable."

"I'm sorry you feel that way. I won't ask you the question but then don't you ask me to have a baby."

"What?" I had obviously peaked his interest.

"I love you, good night." I rolled away from him.

"Oh no. You can't throw something like that at me and then expect to just roll over and go to sleep."

"Are you going to let me ask the question?"

He rolled me towards him and hovered above me. "Come on, ask me the question."

"Well, when I was talking to Sunny, she told me that when a woman gets pregnant, her breasts swell up and then they sag and her belly gets fat and you get stretch marks that won't go away and you just get fatter and fatter."

He chuckled. "Are you afraid I won't love you?"

"No. Well, maybe. Tonight you noticed the smallest changes in my body. I don't want to be fat and saggy after I have a baby. Will you make me a promise?"

"I promise to love you no matter what."

"I want you to promise me that you will be my personal trainer. I want you to promise me that you will work me till I drop and even if I get mad at you that you won't stop pushing me until I am beautiful again."

"Babydoll, you will always be beautiful to me."

"Ian! I mean it! If you want me to have your baby I need to know you will help me get this body back."

"If that's what you want, I will do that for you."

"Promise?"

"I promise." I snuggled into his chest and he held me. "I love you. I'm sorry I made you feel like you couldn't ask me a question. I've been feeling a little jittery lately."

I looked at him. "You're not getting cold feet, are you?"

"No, I'm not. I'm just afraid you might."

"Why would you think that?"

"It's nothing."

"No, Ian. If something is on your mind, I'd like to know about it."

"It's Nate."

"What about him?"

He took a deep breath. "It's just that I gave you that ultimatum about the amount of physical contact I expect of you when you are married and clearly you still have this bond with him. I'm afraid that you'll bail because you can't honor my expectations."

"Ian, I am not going to bail on you. I fully intend to honor your wishes. Nate and I are friends. I told you that earlier and I meant it."

"Do you know he has worked as hard as I have to get everything ready for this wedding? He's not doing it for me. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. He kissed you tonight. Kyle saw it. He was about to take Nate's head off."

"I know but the kiss wasn't what Kyle made of it. It's just our way. I can't explain it any better than that. Neither of us expected it to go further than that."

"I find that hard to believe. I see how he looks at you."

"And he sees how I look at you. Ian, I love you and I can't wait to be your wife."

He leaned in to kiss me and we would have made love again had Ian not reminded me that he had to meet Nate in less than eight hours. I nestled into his arms and happily fell asleep.

14


	39. Chapter 39

**HAPPY EASTER **

**I'm just a bit disappointed that 100 readers read the last chapter and I only got 6 reviews. Was it a bad chapter? You all get the enjoyment of reading my words. I get enjoyment in reading yours. Please review!-NL**

WEDDING JITTERS

AS USUAL, IAN WOKE ME TO KISS ME GOOD BYE and as usual I didn't hear the alarm even though I watched him set it to nine thirty the night before.

"The kids get out of school at one o'clock. Go check out the reception hall after lunch."

"Will I see you at lunch?"

"No, I'll see you at dinner and afterwards I have a surprise for you." He kissed me passionately even though I hadn't brushed my teeth and he was gone.

I got up and went to the bathroom. Maggie and Maria were in the living room watching a game show on the TV. I went to the kitchen to forage for food and I found Lily there sitting at the kitchen table sipping her coffee.

"Did Burns leave you too?"

"Yes, he said he had to meet the guys for work."

I sighed. "Welcome to my life on the mountain. What can we do today? You know what? We could dance."

"You want me to dance?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Because I've got two left feet."

"No you don't. You have a right one and a left. I can see them from here."

"That's not what I meant."

"Oh, come on, I'll teach you and you can do some stretching exercises with me. It'll be fun."

"Where are we supposed to do this?"

"Hmmm. Good question. We can't do it here because of the TV. The reception hall is being used for school and then lunch. The cave is too cold. We could cramp up and that wouldn't be good. I know? The root cellar?"

"Isn't it cold in there?"

"Not if we do laundry. The dryers heat it up quickly when the door is closed."

We grabbed a bowl of cereal and then scraped together laundry and I grabbed my music and off we went to the root cellar. Kim was already there doing her laundry so the dryers had already warmed up the place. I laid a blanket on the floor so we could do our stretching and Kim joined us.

We spend several hours in the root cellar. I taught the girls some simple moves as well as couple dancing. We took turns being the 'guy'. I got a good workout and I was happy with how I spent my afternoon. We missed lunch but we didn't care. Afterwards, we helped Kim fold her laundry and then Kim, Lily, and I went searching for lunch leftovers. Kim thanked us for making her day interesting. I invited her to join us again tomorrow. I had intentions on keeping up my routine as I had in the caverns. I was glad to have others to dance with me. After we ate Lily and I headed over to the reception hall. It was completely painted with the same rose color that was in Trudy and Geoffrey's room. The wall across from the door was painted with a mural of lace and flowers flowing from left to right. It reminded me of an Italian painting. It was beautiful. The floor did not have carpet but was tiled although it looked like a hardwood floor. It was lovely. The arbor had been set up. It was devoid of flowers but these were things I would have to go into town to get. I needed to remind Burns that he would need to get back at least two days before the wedding because I would need a vehicle to go and get the last minute things like the flowers, and the food. I would also have to let Max and Miranda know that I would have to start decorating on Wednesday after school. School would either have to be cancelled or moved to another location for Thursday and Friday. Lily and I removed all the gowns and tuxedos from the van and hung them in the living room closet. I thought it was odd that the living room had a wall closet but it seems that the living room was actually two rooms. Two walls had been knocked down creating the large living room we saw now. The house was actually built with three bedrooms.

Ian, Burns, and Nate arrived just before dinner and they each took turns in the shower. After dinner, Ian grabbed a pair of my heels from the closet and he led me to the root cellar. I laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"I spent several hours here today with Lily and Kim. We danced."

"Well, you didn't dance with me."

His mother was waiting for us. "Wanda. So good to see you. Ian has been practicing. Did he tell you?"

"No. He didn't. I guess he should be pretty good if he's been practicing."

Ian spoke now. "My mother had Burns pick up this CD. It's what she calls the ultimate love song slash dance CD from the eighties." He held up the case. It was Lionel Ritchie's greatest hits. "If you don't mind, I have chosen the song I would like to dance to with you on our wedding day." I was blown away that he even cared about such things. "I have danced to most of the songs on this CD so anything you choose to dance to will be okay with me."

"I thought you chose the song."

"I have but we will be dancing to more than one song, won't we?"

I put on my shoes and Maggie put on the CD. The first song was 'Hello' which is a lovely song. Ian pulled me into a dance hold and as the music began he confidently took me around the room. I nearly fell down simply because I was shocked at his abilities. Ian caught me. "You're supposed to be the dancer here."

"Ian, you did this for me?"

"Of course I did. I practice every day for one hour."

We practiced together for one hour and Maggie showed us some salsa steps for some of the faster dances. I was elated that he had taken my passion for dance so seriously. After our dance lesson we went to the game room and it was packed with people. There were three tables of cards going on. One was poker with the usual gang, Holly, Blake, Victoria, Carl, and Burns. They invited Ian to join as soon as he arrived. Apparently they had anticipated his arrival. The second table was gin rummy with the younger crowd, Jamie, Megan, Sarah, Carlos. The last table was a game of hearts. I had never played this before so I had an interest in watching this game. Kyle played with Rachel and Rob and Kim and Ian's dad.

As usual, Nate was running the pool table. "Hey, Beautiful, care for a lesson?"

"Sure. I always enjoy learning from you." Kyle shot me a dirty look. I ignored him.

Nate racked the balls. "Do you want to break or should I?"

"You break."

Nate and I played and I remembered the things he had taught me strategy wise and used them when I could. He was impressed. Between hands, Victoria got up and went to the kitchen. She came back with a six pack of beer and handed one to Ian, Kyle, Aaron, Nate, Holly, and herself. I said nothing. I promised myself I wouldn't get upset unless Ian had more than four drinks or if he showed me some sign that he was going down a bad path. Whenever it was Nate's turn and I could see that he would be slapping them in for a while I would go over by Ian. I faced Nate to watch his expertise but Ian always put his arm around me and slowly caressed his hand up and down my outer thigh. He didn't look at me and I didn't look at him. He paid attention to his game and I paid attention to mine but we both understood the importance of this ritual. There were times when Nate would be very hands on showing me how to make a specific shot. Ian sat with his back to me as he had done in the past but Kyle could see everything and he showed his disapproval in his face. Kyle was the second person to come back with a six pack of beer. Sunny wasn't here to keep him from getting drunk so he handed out a beer to everyone except Ian. Instead, he asked Ian if he was continuing to drink. I was witness to this transaction. Ian did not answer Kyle but nodded his head and tapped his finger on the table to indicate that he put the beer down. Kyle gripped Ian's shoulder as if to console him. I was confused by this action because I felt that I had done nothing that would warrant his need to be consoled. I was wondering if he and Kyle had spoken to each other about something that I was unaware of. When Nate and I finished this game, I told Nate I didn't want to play anymore. I could tell by the look in Nate's eyes that he understood my wish to assure Ian of my need for his attention.

I approached Ian as he was chugging down his second beer.

"Is this seat taken?" I asked as I sat in his lap.

"There's plenty of room for you," Ian said still focusing on his cards.

I sat so he could move easily and hold his cards comfortably. I made no face even though I knew when he had a good hand and when he was bluffing. I didn't want to give him a reason to kick me off his lap. When it was his turn to deal he said to me. "Babe, you think you could grab another six pack from the kitchen?" He looked at me for the first time. He was not smiling. I was hurt but I didn't want to show it.

I stroked his face and kissed him quickly. "Sure, anything you want."

When I came back there was another chair next to Ian that he had obviously put there for me to sit in so I wouldn't have to sit in his lap. I handed the beer out to everyone. I walked over to Ian and gave him his beer and then I dragged the chair to another table. I came back to Ian. "I'm not sitting there." He ignored me. I turned to walk away and he reached out and grabbed my wrist. He pulled me towards him.

"I thought you might be more comfortable." He looked at me in earnest. "Don't you know that you are my good luck charm?"

I smiled and sat back in his lap. He won the next three hands. "You see? When I'm focused on you they can't tell if I'm bluffing." He kissed me for the first time tonight and he smelled like beer which I did not particularly care for. Nate went for another beer run. He came back and handed everyone a beer. I vowed I would not say anything since Ian still had his wits about him. When Nate came to Ian, Ian raised his hand. "I'm good. Thanks anyway." I let out a sigh of relief. Ian caressed my arm to let me know he was aware of my fears. He played two more hands and called it a night. He left the table a winner in more ways than one. When we got in the house he went to bathroom and brushed his teeth and gargled with mouthwash.

He came back to the room and crawled over the top of me. "You know if you drank just one you wouldn't notice the beer breath on me."

"How do you know it bothers me?"

"I could tell by the way you kissed me in the game room."

"I'm sorry; I just wanted you to make love to me tonight because I think tomorrow I may not be able to."

"Wonderful. Thanks for the heads up."

The next week went by quickly. I took Ice with me to town to get supplies and more alcohol. At night Ian and I danced after dinner and then we went to the game room or we watched TV. Ian was up and gone by seven thirty every morning. I hung with Lily and Trudy and Kim and we danced most days. One day the four of us volunteered to prepare the meals for the day. Nate and I played pool but Kyle was always watching us. It made me feel uncomfortable. I couldn't be sure if Victoria and Nate were still fulfilling each other's needs and I didn't want to ask. Blake showed an interest in Victoria and she seemed pleased by this but again it was hard to tell where if anywhere this flirtation had gone. At the end of the week Ice and Aaron left to go back to the caverns.

Ian and his crew finished carpeting and painting the bathroom and the last room in the bunkhouse. There were only three days left until the wedding. The guests were on their way and were due to arrive tonight. I gained control of the reception hall after school let out. Victoria, Lily, Maggie, and Kim all helped me set up the hall. The following day Burns went with me to pick up things that we still needed. It was a quick trip that didn't take much of the day.

That evening after dinner Ian said to me, 'Let's go for a walk'. I didn't think much of it. I figured he wanted some peace and quiet since there were so many people everywhere. The root cellar had become the make shift game room and the house was constantly filled with people. Ian walked me to the cave and led me in. I knew I wasn't supposed to go in after dark so I pulled on Ian's arm.

"I don't belong in here."

"It's okay. We're going to Nate's room." I followed cautiously. When we reached the room, Nate was waiting. He too looked confused as to the nature of the meeting that Ian had called. Ian turned to me.

"Give me your ring."

"Why?" I didn't want to take off my ring.

"Don't ask questions. You'll get it back. I promise."

I looked at Nate for a clue. He offered no help. Once I gave Ian the ring he turned to Nate.

"Nate, you have been my biggest ally in preparing for my wedding. I know you love her as I do."

Now he turned to me. "I told you a few weeks ago about my fear that you won't be able to keep your promise to me because of your feelings for Nate. Kyle has noticed that you are both reaching out to each other. Before I marry you, you need to have what you both seem to be wanting. A last chance to be with each other. I'm giving you that chance."

"Ian, No!"

He backed away from me. "Do what you need to do. I'll be waiting for you."

He turned and quickly left the room. Nate and I just stared at each other from opposite ends of the room.

"I swear, I didn't know anything about this," Nate said in his defense.

"I can't do this." I turned to leave.

"Wait! Don't go," Nate pleaded. I stopped. "You know if you go back to him now, he'll only bring you back."

"Do you think I've been reaching out to you lately?"

"No more than usual. This is my fault. I started this. I shouldn't have kissed you when you came back but I couldn't help it. I missed you too."

"Does Ian think I'm going to sleep with you?"

Nate shook his head slowly. "I don't know _what_ he's thinking."

"You know that will never happen, don't you?"

"Well, I had hopes at one time but with the wedding two days away, I'm pretty much resigned to friendship status."

"Friends forever."

"I wouldn't mind a last kiss though. A real kiss." He looked at me with his big brown eyes and he took my hands in his. Whereas Ian was straight up sexy, Nate's eyes were dreamy.

"Okay, but not on the bed."

"What? Are you afraid it might go further?"

"Aren't you?"

"Afraid? No. I'm not the one getting married."

"You're right. I should go." I stood up to leave.

Nate hopped off the bed and blocked my exit. "You know I wouldn't be asking this of you if Ian hadn't given his permission. This is my last chance to kiss your lips ever." He brushed the back of his fingers along my face. "You know you haven't asked me about Victoria at all since you came back."

"Because I don't want to know."

"Why?"

He knew why. "Because."

"Because why?" He was persistent.

"Nate!" I whined.

"Tell me. I want to know." He wasn't going to let this rest.

"Because I'm jealous. That's why. Are you happy now?"

"So you still love me." It wasn't a question but a statement.

"Nate, I…"

"I'll love you forever. You know that, don't you?" He leaned close and stroked my face. "Let me have this one thing." I closed my eyes. His lips touched mine. They were warm and inviting. He kissed me repeatedly and I didn't want to respond but I did. He was so gentle. He caressed my head and face. His lips traveled to my neck and then back to my lips.

I was in it now so I decided to make this kiss one he soon wouldn't forget. "Don't stop," I whispered. He looked at me with so much love in his eyes. He pressed his lips to me again. My hands traveled from his long wavy hair to his shoulders and then over his biceps. I caressed his chest as our tongues caressed each other. We kissed like this for a long time. I figured as long as I remained on my feet I was safe. He pushed me backwards and I found myself up against the wall. He pressed himself against me and I could tell that he was aroused. It disturbed me because I could feel my thighs tingling. I hated to admit it but I wanted him too. I wanted him to pick me up and throw me down on the bed and have his way with me. He continued to kiss me and he held my neck as he licked my jaw line.

"Oh Nate," I stammered.

"Say it," he whispered.

"I want you."

He kissed me again. It was a last slow burn kiss and I melted in his lips. The tears formed as I realized this was it.

He was breathless. "Thank you."

The tears in my eyes escaped and slid down my cheek. "We are friends now. Do you understand?"

He shook his head and turned away from me. "I'll remember this kiss forever."

"I will too," I blurted out and then I fled the room and ran quickly through the cave. When I got outside, I took deep breaths, letting the cold air burn my throat. I wiped my tears. My life was Ian now. I smiled as I thought of him. I rushed back to the house which was still full of people.

I entered the bedroom. Ian was lying with his shirt off on his stomach on the bed. His chin was resting on his right hand and he had my engagement ring on the index finger of his left hand. He was staring at it while he slowly twirled it around his finger with his thumb. He did not acknowledge my entrance. I took off my coat and hung it on the back of the door. Then I kicked off my shoes. I didn't say anything.

I slowly made my way onto the bed and kissed his beautiful back in several places. "Thank you," was all I said. I straddled his lower back and started to massage his shoulders. He flinched at the touch of my cold hands. "Sorry." I massaged him for a few minutes before I asked the burning question. "Can I have my ring back now?"

He didn't move but he finally spoke. "Have you already had enough of Nate? If you slept with him, it couldn't have been very good considering you've only been gone for a half hour."

He was fishing for some comfort. "You know a kiss has always been enough with Nate but a kiss is never enough with you."

"You should have stayed with him."

I sighed. "Ian, weren't you listening?" I leaned forward across his back to whisper in his ear. "I have no desire to sleep with Nate. I already know that no one could ever satisfy me the way you do in the bedroom and I'll take that back, thank you." Without missing a beat, I reached out and snatched the ring from his finger and slipped onto my hand. He still didn't move. I continued. "You know, this is your last chance to have sex with a single girl. Tomorrow, I'll be in town most of the day and you won't be able to see me once the sun goes down."

That got his attention. He flipped over knocking me off of him onto the bed. "What? Why not?"

"Tradition, Superman. The groom is not to see the bride the night before the wedding. You'll be sleeping in the bunkhouse."

"You've got to be kidding me."

"Sorry, after dinner tomorrow, the next time you see me, you'll be placing a wedding ring on my finger." It suddenly dawned on me that I hadn't gotten the wedding rings. My face obviously showed my horror.

"Wanderer, what's wrong?"

"Oh, no! I didn't get the rings!" I tried to jump off the bed but Ian grabbed me by the forearms.

He smiled brightly at me. "Don't panic. It's all taken care of."

"You? ...got the rings?"

Now his smile came directly from his eyes. "I got the rings with Burns last month when you were at the caverns."

My horror turned to appreciation. "I love you." I leaned over him and began to kiss him. Our last night together as an unmarried couple was very memorable.

The day before our wedding, Ian woke me. "Babydoll, the alarm went off. You need to get up and go to town with Burns."

"Why do I never hear that damned alarm?" I was annoyed at missing it yet again.

"Whoa! Are we on the edge? It's just a clock."

"Do you know I have never heard that alarm clock go off? I don't even know what it sounds like!"

"Okay, Babydoll. Don't panic. I'll set for five minutes from now. Okay?"

He was trying to appease me. "You know maybe it's a good thing I won't be with you tonight."

"Ian!" I pouted.

"I'm just kidding. Tonight will be the longest night of my life." He pulled me to him and we snuggled on the bed. "Tomorrow is the big day. Are you nervous?"

"I'm not nervous about marrying you but I'm nervous about everything going right."

"What are you going to do about Sunny? She was supposed to be a bride's maid."

"Megan said she would take her place. She'll get to walk with Jamie. The dress is a little tight in the hips but there is nothing I can do now. Are you nervous?"

He chuckled. "I keep thinking about your bouquet."

"You know what? I'm not even going to carry one."

"Don't be silly. You have to carry a bouquet. Tradition, remember? You know, I kinda feel bad that Nate's not in the wedding."

"I do too but I didn't want to upset you."

The alarm went off. It wasn't very loud. It sounded like a vehicle backing up. Ian slapped his hand down on the clock.

"Okay, now you _have_ to get up."

"What are you going to do today?"

"I don't know. I was thinking of giving Holly her chance while I'm still single."

"What?" The green eyed monster rose quickly. "You wouldn't dare." I was on the bed in a second hovering over him.

He curled up to protect himself. "I'm joking!"

"You better be," I warned him.

"But it's nice to know that you are stilljealous of _my_ admirer."

"You have more than one, you know. The others are just resigned to the fact that you belong to me."

He laughed. "A long time ago you got mad when I told someone that you were my property."

"I didn't _tell _them that you were my property. They assumed it. You _told_ Nate that I was your property. Big difference."

"Babydoll, I love you and I am your property. You can do whatever you want with me."

"Thank you, but I'm still no one's property." I leaned down and kissed him quickly. "At least not for another thirty hours."

Burns and I left before ten o'clock and we picked up the flowers first. They took up the entire left side of the van. The second stop was the restaurant. We picked up three trays each of Lasagna, shrimp scampi, chicken parmesan, and veal scaloppini. The last stop was the bakery. The two layer heart shaped cake was placed carefully into the back of the van. Burns took his time driving home and he turned the corners with caution. Everything reached the mountain unscathed. The cake was put on the front porch since it was cold enough to be a refrigerator. The cake box was wrapped in an extra layer of plastic for freshness and to keep any critters out. Some of the trays were put in the fridge. What couldn't fit was delegated to the porch with the cake. Four pans would fit in the oven at a time and they would take one to two hours each. We decided we would set the pans out to defrost before going to bed tonight. Ian and I had two hours till dinner so we went for a walk in the woods. It was just the two of us.

"I still can't believe that tomorrow I will be your wife."

"It's been a long eight months since I first asked you to marry me."

"I must be nervous now because my stomach is doing flip flops," I said nervously.

"You know what? So is mine," he admitted.

Ian wrapped his arms around me. I shivered.

"Are you cold or are you scared?"

"I'm freezing…and I'm terrified."

"Terrified of what?"

"I don't know, me, you, us, everything."

"Babydoll, if you are not sure that I am what you want..."

I put my fingers over his lips. "I'm sure. I just want to live up to your expectations as a wife and mother. That's what I'm terrified about." I had the memory of Nate's sultry lips in my head.

"You'll be fine. People aren't perfect and neither are marriages. We'll have our ups and downs like anyone else. As long as I never find you in Nate's bed, we'll be alright."

My stomach dropped but I managed a weak smile. "Ian O'Shea. I love you."

"Wanderer, I love you."

We kissed each other and something cold hit my forehead. It was starting to snow. We both laughed.

After dinner I was forced to stay in the house and Ian was forced to stay out of the house. The guys stayed with Ian and the girls stayed with me. There was alcohol leaving the house for his party and alcohol flowing in the house for mine. We had fun. We watched an old comedy movie called 'Bachelor Party' and later as we began to feel the alcohol, we danced. The only man to return to the house was Burns since this is where he slept. He was a little tipsy so Lily excused herself to put him to bed. It was late. Our party broke up soon after that. I was glad to have a few drinks in me because it was strange going to bed here on the mountain without him. The alcohol definitely helped me sleep. I couldn't help but wonder how much Ian had to drink at his party.

In the morning, Melanie woke me. "Wanda, get up. Kim is waiting to do your hair and make up. You need to get in the shower. There's about a million people waiting to use the bathroom."

The living room became the hair and make up station since people were coming in and out of the bathroom to shower non-stop. The oven was turned on and the food was being heated half way through. People were carrying drinks and alcohol to the reception hall. So much was going on around me I started to feel a little dizzy. I wanted to help but I was told to sit. Melanie gave me a glass of wine to calm my nerves. My gown was still safely hanging in the closet. Kim was working on my hair and Melanie was working on Lily's hair. In the middle of all this madness the back door opened which was not all unusual but the voice brought to my feet in seconds.

"Mind if I join the party?"

It was Sunny. I sprinted to her and threw my arms around her and hugged her tightly. "Sunny! Oh my god! You're here!"

"I couldn't miss your wedding."

I turned to the others. "Somebody go tell Kyle!"

"Wait! I'm here for your wedding, nothing more."

"Are you still with Jonathan?"

"No, he couldn't hold a candle to Kyle."

I thought it was funny that she used the same words that Ian used when he asked me to comfort Kyle.

"Sunny, we can't just let Kyle see you walk down the aisle. He'll freak out in the middle of my wedding."

"Okay, I'll talk to him."

I turned to Megan. "Go to Kyle. Tell him that Sunny is here for the wedding. Tell him she's not making any other promises."

I turned back to Sunny. "If you're not with Jonathan then where did you go?"

"I went home."

"How was that?"

"My mother gave me the third degree. I told her the truth. I told her I left because of a guy. Now she tries to keep me home. I'm bored to death and I miss Kyle."

I grabbed her hand. "Then stay," I pleaded.

"It's not up to me. He may not want me anymore."

"Believe me. You are the only thing he wants."

Her face was serious. "Things happened with Jonathan."

"Things happened with Nate and Ian still wants to marry me."

Sunny's eyebrows shot up. "You slept with him?"

"No, I came really close but I couldn't do it to Ian."

"Yeah, well I did," she said as a matter of fact.

Megan came back with a note from Kyle. It read:

Sunny,

I'm incredibly happy that you have come back for the wedding. I know Wanda is thrilled. I want to speak with you but I'm afraid I might say the wrong thing and I don't want to ruin this special day with my stupidity. Please give me the chance after the wedding to beg you to stay.

I love you,

Kyle

Sunny folded the note and put it in her pocket.

"Let's get this party rolling!" she roared.

I suddenly remembered Megan. "Megan, I don't want to kick you out of the wedding. Will you be my ring girl?"

"That would be nice. Thank you."

The rest of the morning was a whirlwind and before I knew it we were all dressed and ready to go. It was almost two o'clock. Last night's flurries didn't stick but it looked like it might snow again today. We marched out to the reception hall. Ian was already inside waiting for me. Kyle and Sunny stopped a few feet from each other. I was focused on them.

"You look beautiful," Kyle said to her.

"Thank you," she replied.

"I'm glad you came."

"I'm glad I did too. I miss you." I could see that Kyle was fighting with himself to not rush to her right here. "We'll talk later?" he asked.

"I'd like that." The music started interrupting their moment.

Kyle and Melanie were the first to walk into the hall and down the red carpeted aisle to the arbor. It was freezing and although I had a coat draped over my shoulders, I was shivering. Sunny and Jared went next. Once they reached the arbor, Jamie and Lily followed. Megan was last. She carried a small pillow with the rings.

Burns took the coat from my shoulders and he tucked my arm through his. "Are you ready?"

I took a deep breath. "Ready."

11


	40. Chapter 40

**Okay I'm a wimp, I know, but I cried when I read the last chapter for the first time in 8 months. I cried because like Wanderer I love Ian with all my heart, but I love Nate too. And it destroyed me to break his heart. **

**I cried when I read this chapter too because I always cry at weddings…**

**I hope you enjoy the chapter… (Except for KB and Ladaane-sorry ladies)**

I NOW PRONOUCE YOU…

I took my first step into the hall towards my new life. My eyes searched for Ian. He looked so sharp in his tuxedo. He looked nervous until he saw me. Then he broke into a wide toothy smile. I gripped Burns' arm like a vise so I wouldn't trip and fall. I saw no one but Ian. When we got to the arbor, Burns slipped my arm from his and Ian took my quivering hand into his. He mouthed the words 'I love you' to me and I responded by smiling at him. Jeb cleared his throat to get our attention. As Ian and I both turned towards Jeb, I saw how handsome Jeb looked in his suit.

"Good afternoon." Jeb spoke loudly so all could hear.

"Before I begin, I would like to thank all of you who have traveled to be here for this auspicious occasion." He nodded at Sunny in particular.

"As you know, we are gathered here today to witness the union of two people very much in love and very committed to each other. Ian Thomas O'Shea and Wanderer. This is the first such marriage that I know of since the takeover and most definitely the first marriage between a human…" He nodded sat Ian, "and a soul." He nodded to me. "Proving that two worlds can come together in trust and love." The room was silent. "Who gives the bride away to this man?"

Burns stepped forward. "I do, Burns living Flowers"

Burns stepped back and sat in the front row. Jeb spoke again. "Now, before I continue on, I am told that the bride and groom each have something to say to each other. Who wants to speak first?"

Ian spoke up. "I do." Ian turned to me and took both of my hands in his. "Hey Babydoll. I told you we'd make it here this time." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. "I didn't want to forget anything so I made notes….let me start by saying that you are more beautiful than I could have imagined. You take my breath away." He reached out and stroked my face. "When the takeover happened, I lost everything. I lost my parents, my lifestyle, and my future. I was angry. The only thing I had left in the world was my brother, Kyle. If someone had told me then that the invasion would produce the love of my life and that she would be from another planet, I would have told them they were insane." He took my hands in his again. "And yet here you are, the most loving creature I've ever known. You healed me Wanderer. You gave me back my parents. My life has meaning again. As for my future, _you_ are my future. I guess I am still in shock that you chose me. I have some pretty stiff competition." He looked directly at Nate and smiled, then he turned his attention back to me. "Wanderer, I love you more than life itself and I don't want to live without you." He turned to everyone gathered in the hall. "I want all of you to know that if this beautiful body that hosts this lovely soul should fail before my own, I want to offer my body as her host." He turned back to me. "Wanderer, my beautiful loving soul, I willingly give myself to you. I love you."

At this point, the tears were about to burst out of my eyes onto my cheeks. Melanie stepped up with a tissue and handed it to me.

Jeb spoke. "Wanderer, do you have something you want to say to Ian?"

I laughed through my tears. "Yes," I croaked. I couldn't find my voice. I put one finger up indicating I needed a minute. I blew out my breath trying to regain my composure. "Ian." I spoke very softly at first because I couldn't get any volume out of my voice. I grabbed his hand and kissed it and rubbed it against my cheek before I focused my eyes on his. One more deep breath and I began.

"I haven't been here very long. When I first arrived at the caverns, my main goal was to stay alive. I was in love, even though I had no right to be, because the man I loved belonged to someone else." I glanced over at Jared and I smiled. "Someone else's memories. That's all I had. It was you who showed me how to love. I have a quote I want to read." I turned to Sunny who was now holding my flowers. I reached into the bouquet and pulled out a small rolled up piece of paper. I smiled at Ian. "You were right. I _did_ need my bouquet." He laughed and nervously wiped his forehead. I unrolled the paper. "Ian, this is your quote. You once said to me, there are different kinds of love. The kind of love I have for you is all encompassing. You are the one I want to wake up with every morning. You are the one I want to bear my children. You are the one who drives me crazy sexually." Everyone laughed at this since we were always so openly affectionate. "You are the one I want to share every important moment in my life with and most important; you are the one I can't live without."

Ian was choked up. "How did you remember all that?"

I looked at him. "I always remember the things you say, but I wrote this down because I never want to forget." I looked around the room for the first time. Everyone seemed to be crying. I turned to back to Ian. "These words are perfect and I hope to live my life by them. I love you, Ian."

We lunged forward and put our arms around each other.

"Now wait! We're not done yet!" Jeb announced as he parted us. "You two will be the death of me, I swear." The crowd laughed.

We both smiled as we turned back to Jeb.

"Okay, now Ian, I need you to repeat after me." He paused. "I, Ian Thomas O'Shea, take you Wanderer to be my wedded wife" Ian repeated it loud and clear.

"To have and to hold, from this day forward" Ian again repeated Jeb's words.

"For better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health." He squeezed my hands as he spoke them.

"To love and to cherish till death does part us."

Ian changed it when he said it to, "to love and to cherish until _my_ death does part us."

Jeb turned to me now. He spoke and I repeated.

Jeb began, "I, Wanderer, take you Ian to be my wedded husband."

Only I said, "I, Wanderer, with my body and my soul, take you Ian to be my wedded husband." Ian put his thumb and forefinger to his eyes to try and stop the tears.

I continued to repeat my vows. "To have and to hold from this day forward." I was past my own tears and elation was settling in. I spoke louder now. "For better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish till death do part us."

I knew I was past the hard part. My smile was stuck on my face.

Jeb spoke again. "May I have the rings?"

Megan walked up to where we were standing. Jeb took my wedding ring from the pillow and handed it to Ian. "Repeat after me one more time. Will you accept this ring as a symbol of my love and devotion?"

Ian took my hand in his, "Will you, Wanderer, accept this ring as a symbol of my love and devotion?"

"I do." He slipped the ring onto my finger. I immediately thought to myself, I am his property.

Jeb took the other ring from the pillow. Megan stepped back to her former position. He handed me the ring and I took Ian's hand in mine. I repeated Jeb's words.

"Will you, Ian, accept this ring as a symbol of my love and devotion?"

"I do." I slipped the ring onto his finger.

"By the power invested in me by the clans I now pronounce you husband and wife. Ian, you may kiss your bride."

Ian took my face in his hands and slowly placed his lips on mine. It was a slow warm kiss that oddly reminded me of Nate's kisses. I think it was because he was trying to hold back in front of the masses. "You're my property now," he whispered.

"I guess I am. I love you Superman."

The crowd started clapping and cheering.

Jeb spoke again. "We ask that the bridal party please adjourn to the main house for pictures. The rest of you can freshen up and get drinks here at the back table. The reception will begin in about thirty minutes."

Inside the house pictures were taken of me, me and Ian, me and the bride's maids, Ian and the groomsmen, and the new O'Shea family. There were lots of pictures and I think I was in most of them. Apparently Ian and Burns had picked up several cameras because Victoria had taken photography in college and said she could develop the pictures if given the right equipment. Victoria was one of the photographers. Ice was another and the last camera was passed around to whoever wanted to take a picture.

Some of the ladies were in the house frantically removing hot trays from the oven and replacing them with more. The food was taken to the hall and we followed soon after. I kept an eye on Sunny and Kyle. They looked as though they were trying to hold off speaking to each other until after the reception. I wished Nate was here because he would know how to get them to kiss each other. He knew how to find the weak spot and go in for the kill. He had done it many times with me. I took Ian by the hand and dragged him near to where they were standing.

I turned to Ian and said in an audible voice. "I'm so happy just to be with you. I want you all to myself."

Ian replied, "Tonight we will be all alone."

"No, Superman, I don't mean tonight, I mean for a long time to come, maybe another year."

I think Ian caught on pretty quickly to my game. "Sure, Babydoll. I told you a long time ago; all I need in this world is you. Anything else that comes along is just gravy in my book."

"Mmmmmm. I love you, Mr. O'Shea." I leaned in and kissed him. We finally got to the kiss that had eluded us at the reception hall. His lips were hungry again. He nibbled my lips and I was about to drag him into our bedroom only a few feet away when Jared interrupted us.

"Whoa. People are waiting on you. They'll be plenty of kissing at the reception."

As soon as we entered the reception hall we were ushered by Jeb to the tables with the food. "Bride and Groom first." Ian grabbed two plates and I filled them with a little bit of each of the foods offered. He carried them back to the table and I went to get us each a drink.

I returned to the table with a soda for me and a beer for him. "Babydoll, you don't like my beer breath."

"When they tell us we have to kiss I'll take a swig."

"You sure?"

"Absolutely."

Sure enough, ten minutes later someone started clinking his glass and soon everyone was doing it. I picked up Ian's beer and took a swig. It was nasty. Ian grabbed my face and let loose with a slow burn kiss. I guess he figured if I drank beer for him then I deserved only the best kiss he could give. It lasted nearly a minute. When he let go of my face I was dizzy. I was licking my lips in approval.

I noticed that Kyle and Sunny were sitting next to each other and appeared to be having a conversation. I wasn't sure if they were keeping it light or if they were talking about more serious issues. I hadn't seen much of Nate. He was keeping a distance. I did notice that he looked awesome in his suit. I saw him sitting with his sister Kim and her husband Tom and his niece Priscilla and his Uncle George. They were the largest blood related family on the mountain. Victoria did not sit with him. She was sitting with her brother Danny and with Rob, Rachel, and her brother Blake. Danny sat between Victoria and Blake but I think that was more for show than anything. I believed in my heart that things with Blake and Victoria were heating up but they were trying to keep it a secret. Maria sat with Jeb and Ian's parents along with Max and Miranda.

When enough time had passed, another glass clinking had produced another swig of beer followed by another slow burn kiss. I knew if they kept this up I might end up with my first beer buzz.

Luckily Nate manned the music and Jeb called us up to the arbor again. Jeb announced, "I guess it's time to get this party into high gear. Let's start with the first dance. Let me present to you to Mr. and Mrs. Ian O'Shea." The first song was the one that Ian picked for us to dance to. He chose 'Truly' by Lionel Ritchie. He put his arm around my waist and took my hand in his and as the music began he spun me slowly around the dance floor with ease.

"Mrs. O'Shea, I hope this is only the first of many dances I will have with you."

"You know what I said about waiting another year was just something I said for Kyle and Sunny's benefit, right?"

"It wouldn't matter; I gave you till you were twenty five. I'm not going to go back on my words." He began to sing the words to the song.

When the song ended he dipped me and pulled me up to his lips yet again and I responded with pleasure. The next song was for all of the bridal party to dance to. I rushed over to Nate and asked him to put on the song 'Hello'. I thought this song might have special meaning for Kyle and Sunny. At first they stood on the side of the dance floor until I pushed them together. "You two have to dance. You are part of the wedding party." Kyle and Sunny joined the other three couples in the wedding party. I watched only them in hopes of some sign they might get back together. Kyle had not taken lessons as Ian had done. He wrapped his arms around Sunny's waist and Sunny put her hands on Kyle's shoulders. She was holding back.

The next song was Ian and his mom and me and Burns. I was surprised that Burns knew how to dance although he was not as smooth as Ian or Nate.

"How does it feel to be a married lady?"

"It feels great. I've never been happier."

"You know you might have started an avalanche of marriages."

"Really? Anyone I know?" We both laughed.

"I overheard Jared asking Ice about taking him into town for a special road trip."

"Really? That would be awesome. I wish that Kyle and Sunny would tie the knot."

"Well, if today doesn't change her mind, then I don't think anything will. There's not much more happiness than seeing you and Ian together."

"Thank you Burns."

The song ended and now it was open season for everyone to dance. I danced with my bridesmaids. Sunny stayed close and we were dancing like we were at the club. We had a blast. I had to take a bathroom break and Sunny came with me since the bathroom was in the next building.

"So, how are things with Kyle?"

"I don't know. I think he's scared."

"Scared of what?"

"Scared to kiss me."

"Well, kiss _him_!"

"I don't know."

"What are you waiting for?"

"What if I kiss him and then he decides he doesn't want me to stay?"

"Oh my god. You want to know the real reason me and Ian are together? Every time we broke up I went back to him and used everything in my female arsenal to lure him back. If Kyle is anything like Ian then you need to use what you've got. He'll get over the Jonathan thing, take my word for it."

"What about the baby thing?"

"If he presses you on the issue, just tell him you haven't made up your mind on that yet but that if you _did_ decide to have a baby, you wouldn't want anyone else to be the father except him."

"Can I write that down?" We both laughed.

Back at the reception, I danced with just about everyone. I danced with Jared and my new father in law, and Jamie. The only person I hadn't danced with was Nate. I went to Ian who had polished off several beers by now.

"Ian, I don't want to sound like an overbearing wife but if you are too drunk to satisfy me tonight, we will be having our first fight."

"You're cutting me off?"

"Yep."

"Oh, come on. It's my wedding."

I was curt. "Fine." I walked away.

He put down the beer and followed me. I left the building to get fresh air and he grabbed my arm as I stepped out of the building so I wouldn't fall.

"Babe, don't be mad at me."

"I'm sorry. I thought this was _our_ wedding day. I'm just trying to figure out what's more important to you, me or beer?"

"It's you. I won't drink anymore. I have a special surprise for you later and you are right, I don't want to be drunk when I show it you."

I folded my arms over my chest. "I've seen it."

"I'm not talking about _that _surprise." He smiled. "I mean I've been working on something special for a while now. I think you'll like it."

I still had my arms folded and I was shivering because it was freezing.

"Mrs. O'Shea. Are you going to stop pouting now?"

"I'm not pouting. I'm freezing."

"Good god." He took off his coat and held it out for me to put on. "One kiss and then its back inside. You know you haven't danced with Nate yet."

"I didn't know you were keeping tabs."

"I'm allowed to do that now."

"And I'm allowed to keep your tab."

"Touché."

He pulled me close. "I love you." He kissed me with great passion and then led me inside.

Jamie had taken over the music. I went to Jamie and instructed him to play a certain song when he saw me and Nate on the dance floor. I made my way to Nate.

"Hey. Are you avoiding me?"

"Ah, the beautiful Mrs. O'Shea. I would never avoid you but I thought you would be just a little busy with your new husband."

"He'll have me all night. I want to dance with you."

"I would be honored."

There was a fast song playing. Nate took me and whirled me around the room. I was getting dizzy from the fast turns he had me doing. He was very confident in his dancing. When the dance ended, the next song was familiar to him. It was the first song that we had ever danced to. It was the song from the root cellar, the one we nearly kissed to for the first time. He held me close. "You picked this song, didn't you?"

"I did."

"You are not playing fair."

"I'm sorry. I thought you would like this song."

He didn't answer. He put his face next to mine and we danced. He whispered in my ear. "As long as you're happy." I pulled back to look at him and he had tears sliding down his cheeks. I had never seen Nate cry before. His emotion hit me like a ton of bricks. My tears followed quickly. I put my arms around him and held on tight.

I whispered to him. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

He whispered back. "The pleasure and the pain go hand in hand. I'm happy to know that you care about me."

"I'll always care about you. I'll always love you. That has never changed. Ian knows that. Why do you think he is watching us like a hawk right now?"

He smiled weakly. "I guess he and I will always be jealous of each other."

The music stopped. "I promise I will always be there if you need me."

"Hmmm. I need you tonight." He joked but the pain and tears on his face said otherwise. I wiped the tears from his face.

At that moment Ian came up to claim his property. He wasn't smiling. "Do you mind if I take my wife back?"

"And if I said yes?" he joked.

Perhaps it was the alcohol but Ian wasn't joking. "Don't push me Nate. I've been more than fair."

"You have. I'm sorry. I had no intentions to overstep my boundaries."

The music started and Ian took me into a dance hold and led me around the dance floor away from Nate. Nate left the building.

"Nothing happened. It was very difficult for him. I think he finally realized that he's lost."

"You are mine now," he said abruptly.

"I've always been yours, silly! When do I get to see my special surprise?"

"Soon. The party is winding down and then we'll go." His attention was on something else.

"What are you looking at?"

"Look." He pointed with his head towards a corner of the room.

I looked over and Kyle and Sunny were in the corner kissing each other. "Yay! Now my night is perfect!"

Nate must have regained his composure and returned because when the song ended Nate took control of the room. "I need the bride and groom up here to cut the cake. While we have our dessert, the best man and maid of honor will be asked to give their toast."

Victoria came up with her camera and so did Burns. Nate positioned us so that I was standing in front of Ian and he had his arm draped around my waist. Nate handed me the knife which for some strange reason brought back that horrible dream I had. Ian put his hand over mine and together we cut the cake. We cut the first slice and Nate put it on a plate. "Who wants to feed who first?"

Ian jumped at the plate. "I'll feed her first."

"Ian, don't you mess up this dress!"

"Now, would I do that?" he teased.

"I'm not playing. We are not in the garden."

He grinned. "Now that was fun."

I turned to Nate. "Please get something to put over my gown," I pleaded.

"Don't be a baby, I won't mess you up." He came forward with the piece of cake. "Open up, my love." I braced myself and opened my mouth. He gently placed the cake between my lips. I held my hand under my chin to catch anything that might fall. I had frosting on my lips. Ian saw the frosting and murmured. "Let me get that." He leaned forward and licked the frosting from my lips and then kissed me. The crowd giggled. "There, see? No mess, no fuss."

Now it was my turn. The piece left on the plate had more frosting than the piece he fed to me. There was no way to pick it up without getting frosting on my fingers. I leaned up towards Ian and again I used my free hand to catch anything that didn't make it into his mouth. After I put the cake in his mouth he grabbed my hand and put each of my fingers in his mouth one at a time and sucked the frosting off each one.

"Ah, sweetness," He trilled.

Nate stepped up again. "If you could take your place at head of the table, Kyle is ready to give his toast."

As Ian and I moved away from the table, Kim stepped up and began cutting the cake and Nate began serving it to the guests. Ian made sure I was seated before taking his own seat. Kyle stood with his glass in hand.

"Hello everyone. I think you all know that Ian is my brother and I am very happy to be here to celebrate his marriage to this lovely lady. I liken these two to cake and ice cream. Wanderer, you are like cake because you have more than one layer and you are just oozing sweetness and love for everyone you come in contact with. Ian you are like ice cream. Even though you are sweet; you are also cold in a lot of ways. Wanderer was the one person who warmed you up and what happened? You melted. Look at you. You are warm, sweet, mush!" Everyone laughed.

I looked at Ian. "Awww!" I kissed him quickly. His lips were still sweet from the cake.

"Each of you do well on your own but together; you compliment each other like cake and ice cream. I love you both and wish you a long and happy life together."

Everyone clinked their glasses together and drank.

Next Melanie got up. "Hello everyone, I am Melanie and in case you don't know, I've known Wanderer pretty much since the day she got here because I was her first host body on this planet. I have literally shared her thoughts and her feelings and I can honestly say that I remember the first time she had true feelings for Ian. She held back because of me. It's funny when I think about it because once she got her new body, he held back because of her. Well I guess there's no holding back now. You two are the most passionate people I know whether you are loving each other or fighting with each other. I hope your love grows as each of you has in the last year and that you make some pretty babies that this baby can grow up with. I love you both like a sister and a brother. Congratulations."

Again everyone rose their glasses and drank. Then someone started clinking their glass and Ian and I had to kiss again. We were both feeling more comfortable with the kissing and he kissed me long and hard. I was woozy when he stopped.

Nate came to the front of the table. "Now we come to _my _favorite part of this party. The groom has to take off the garter belt so he can throw it to some lucky guy."

I came around to the front of the table and sat in the chair. Ian joked, "I'll see you later," and put his head under my dress. No one could see him kiss my thighs. I about died. His lips on my thighs raised my blood pressure right into my face. He came back out from under the dress. "Oh yeah!" Now he lifted my dress slowly and carefully revealing my leg with the lace top thigh high stocking. He didn't use his hands. He went in with his teeth and gripped the lace on the garter belt and slid it down to my knee. The looks we were getting from the men in the group made me feel like I was part of a porno movie. They were definitely enjoying the view. Even Nate looked mesmerized and he didn't look away when I glared at him. Once the garter belt was to the knee Ian used his hands to slide it the rest of the way off. Then he kissed my thigh just above the knee and lowered my dress. The guys yelled "More. More!" Ian beamed the most satisfying smile. He leaned to my ear as he lifted me by my hands from the chair, "My property now."

I was handed the bouquet to throw. There were quite a few ladies and all of them wanted to catch the bouquet. There was Melanie, Lily, Victoria, Megan, Sunny, Sharon, Candy, Heidi, Rachel, Holly, Gina, and Sarah. I closed my eyes and heaved it over my head. I turned around to see it land in Sunny's hands. I thought it was fate.

Now it was Ian's turn to throw the garter belt. The suitors were Burns, Kyle, Nate, Jared, Jamie, Blake, Doc, Jeb, Evan, Rob, Aaron, and Ice. It was like a mob out there. Ian shot it like a sling shot. There was a mad shuffle. In the end, it was Nate who came up with the garter belt. Sunny sat in the chair and hiked up her gown revealing her leg. Nate looked up and down her leg and took a deep breath. He stood up and turned to the crowd. "I'm probably going to hate myself in the morning. Unfortunately the woman I wanted to marry is already married. So in the interest of self preservation, I would like to pass this to Kyle." He walked to Kyle and handed him the garter. "Go get her and don't let go," he uttered as he ushered Kyle to Sunny. Kyle looked stunned at the sacrifice. He bent down on one knee and slipped the garter slowly over her shoe and then he continued up her leg and over her knee. He didn't stop but he slowed. He kept going to see where Sunny would stop him. She wasn't wearing stockings so he was moving up her bare leg with his hands under the garter feeling her skin the whole way. He was watching her face as _I_ was; searching for the signal to stop. She didn't stop him. He was just about out of leg when he stopped and slowly slid his hands back down her leg. She was biting her lower lip. I felt aroused just watching her get aroused.

The music started again and it was a slow song. All the couples made a bee line for the floor. Nate took to the floor with Victoria. She was taller than him but it didn't stop him from commanding her around the room. I didn't want to be jealous and I tried very hard not to show it. I dragged Ian out to the dance floor. He came willingly and he led me with ease. The one thing about Ian I can honestly say about him is he reads my mind. I don't know how he does it, but he does.

"You know, I haven't danced with Victoria all night. I think I should give the girl who shot me a twirl. Don't you?"

"Um, I guess." I played dumb. I knew this was a ploy to give Nate another dance with me. As the song came to an end, Ian led me towards Nate and Victoria.

Ian released me and turned towards them. "Victoria, may I have the next dance?"

Ian took Victoria in his arms. I thought to myself what a handsome couple they made considering he was one of only a few men here who was taller than she was with her heels on. I was relieved to know that Ian was _my_ property. Nate stepped towards me.

"Shall we?"

"But of course, monsieur."

Nate took my hand in his and we danced. I truly felt a friendship with him now. He was handsome and he was worldly and he defined confidence.

"You know what you did tonight for Kyle was very commendable."

"I just hope Kyle is able to seal the deal with Sunny."

"Won't that be difficult if Kyle is sleeping in the bunkhouse?"

"I'm pretty sure we can work something out for them to spend the night alone."

"Where?"

"It's not important now. Ian will let you know later. You need to only concentrate on your time with your husband."

"Thank you, Nate. By the way, you look like you belong in that suit."

"Well, don't be mad but as absolutely stunning as you are in that dress, I wish I was the one to help you out of it."

I blushed.

"So, I guess I won't see you for awhile," he said solemnly.

"Why not?"

"Trust me."

"I've always trusted you."

"Then it's a good thing I'm such a gentleman." He whisked me around the dance floor and when the song ended we approached Ian and Victoria.

"Victoria would you wait for me please?" Nate requested. "Ian, I need to speak to you for a minute."

They walked away from us leaving me and Victoria alone. We didn't talk but we both watched them as they spoke to each other and returned. Nate turned to Victoria. "Would you mind if I walked you back to the cave tonight?"

"No, I would enjoy that." She smiled at him and they walked away. It was weird. I was jealous when they danced but I wasn't jealous now. I was happy for him. I was happy for Kyle and Sunny. I was happy to have Ian in front of me."

"Babydoll, I'm ready to show you your surprise if you are ready."


	41. Chapter 41

**So, for some strange reason some of my readers think that this marks the end of the book. Why on earth would you think that?**

**Read on, McDuff.**

**A special thanks to **..., Anniebellpink, BlindingDarkness1,

c a s e y c a m p l i n, First Generation Scot, icecreamsodapop,

and RandyKeithOrtonFan,

for adding me to you Favorite Stories list. You have made my day.

And

Last but not least, thank you **toalli** for breaking out of your shell! Happy graduation, college girl!

SURPRISES

"I'M READY TO SEE MY SURPRISE!" I said barely able to contain my excitement.

Ian escorted me towards the door. "Sit."

"Sit?"

"Please." I sat in the chair closest to the door. Nate came to us carrying a pair of my sneakers. Ian took off my heels and placed the sneakers on my feet."

"Where are we going?"

"For a walk."

"Where?"

"You'll see."

He pulled me to my feet and helped me to put on my long pea coat. He pulled out some gloves and handed them to me. He took a light scarf and wrapped it loosely around my head and neck like an Indian would wear. He put on his own coat and gloves and led me out the door as the crowd waved good bye to us.

We walked silently towards the cave.

"You're not going to bring me to Nate's room again, are you?"

"No."

We passed the cave and headed towards the ball field.

"It's too cold to make love on the ball field."

"I know that."

"Then where are we going?"

He stopped and turned to me. "You know you ask too many questions. Be quiet woman."

I didn't like being ordered around and I was bit put off by his attitude. We passed the field and went deeper into the woods.

"Do you remember when we watched the movie 'The Notebook'?"

"Yes, we were on shaky ground and I wasn't sure I would take you back. You sat next to me but you didn't touch me."

"Do you remember what I said?"

"No, I don't. I'm sorry."

He pointed into the woods. There was a light ahead.

"I said I'd build you a house." He paused. "It's not completed yet but the bedroom and the bathroom are done. We will finish it in the spring."

"What?" With each step closer I could make out the silhouette of a building. The light I saw was coming from a window. I could smell wood burning. "You built me a house?"

"I built _us_ a house. I love you Babydoll."

"Oh my god!" I stopped dead in my tracks; my eyes fixated on the house that stood in front of me.

"There's no heat except for the fireplace and an electric heater in the bathroom. The electricity works. The bedroom is finished. Nate and Burns helped me."

"This is the special project?"

"Yes."

"Ian, I can't believe you did this!" I was in a state of shock. The whole idea of me having my own home still did not sink into my brain.

Ian took me by the hand and led me to the door. He scooped me up into his arms.

"If you would turn the knob for me." I turned the knob and the door opened. He carried me into a big unfurnished room that I could only assume would one day be a living room. We passed through the room to a hall at the back and he carried me to another door. "One more door, my love." Now I was shaking. I reached the knob and turned it. He carried me into a dimly lit room with a roaring fireplace. It was toasty in this room. A queen sized bed was against the side wall. "Welcome home, Mrs. O'Shea."

"Oh, Ian." I started to cry. "I love you." I kissed his lips tenderly and he placed me gently on the bed while I was still kissing him. "Do you want to see the rest of the house or do you want to make love?"

I laughed through my tears. "That's an unfair question. I want to do both."

He smiled. "Well, which do you want to do first?"

"Considering I still have my clothes on, I think I want to see the house."

"It's dark, there's not much to see."

"You said there was electricity," I reminded him.

"Electricity but no lights."

"Are you trying to sway me?"

"Is it working?"

"This is so not fair!"

"Okay, okay, Mrs. O'Shea." He got up and flipped on the light. The room was painted almost a mint green. The carpeting was dark green. The bed was gorgeous. It had tall spires with a canopy with sheer curtains that were tired back. The dressers matched the deep wood of the bed. The fireplace was made of stone. The whole room took my breath away.

"I can't believe you did all this. It's beautiful. When did you have the time?"

"We started this a long time ago, before the breakup at the caverns. I was surprised that Nate never showed you this when you were here alone with him but I guess if I had been in his shoes, I wouldn't have either. When Burns rented the back hoe to dig the hole for the septic tank for the bunkhouse we used it to clear the land here and dig for the septic tank here. It took about two weeks. We split the man power between the bunkhouse and here. Burns did most of the digging. I think he liked working the back hoe. We managed to pour the foundation and the frame was almost completed when…"

He stopped in mid sentence. I kissed him tenderly and he found his voice again. "After you agreed to marry me the last time and we came back, I couldn't work on it until you left for the caverns."

"That's why you didn't seem as upset by my leaving."

"I worked myself to death while you were gone. Nate, Burns, my Dad, and I spent our mornings and part of the afternoon here and then we ate a late lunch and worked on the bunkhouse. We could work into the evening since there was power to that building. You thought we were hanging out in the game room but most nights we were still working."

He walked me to the door. "We need to move fast because it's cold out there and we don't want to lose the only heat we have." He opened the door and ushered me quickly through it. The only light was a work light hanging from the ceiling. It was two rooms. "This room will eventually be the living room and the kitchen." He walked to a spot on the floor. And using his hands and arms he created an imaginary corner. "Up here will be the kitchen. Back here will be the living room. We are going to put another fireplace back here. The one in the bedroom was a real bitch to put in." He walked to where the fireplace was to be placed. "Stay right there." He walked around the wall and another light clicked on. He came back and took me by the hand and led me into the other room. This space will most likely be two rooms. One will be a bedroom and the other will be a dining room since it is closest to the kitchen."

"I take it you only want one child then?"

He walked up to me and took my face into his cold hands. "I can add on."

"Oh."

"Are you disappointed?"

"No the house is wonderful." I trilled.

"I meant that I wanted more than one."

"I….'m just scared."

"Don't be. You'll be a terrific mother when the time comes. You'll be ruling the roost. I'll be at your command."

"Right. I see _that_ happening," I said sarcastically.

"Babydoll, we are a team now. This is our future. Come on. Let me get you back to where it's warm."

"What about the bathroom?"

"Eventually we will have our own bath but right now only the main bathroom is done. Well, usable anyway." As we walked back to the bedroom door we passed another door. He opened it and clicked on the light. "This is the main bath." It had a bath tub with a shower and a large sink. There was a vanity mirror in a lighter colored wood with drawers. The toilet was between the shower and the sink. It was a decent sized bathroom. The walls were unfinished and the floor was still concrete. The tub had a shower curtain. "I have doors for the tub but we haven't had the chance to put them in. We just ran out of time."

"It's cold in here."

"Hold on."

Ian left the bathroom and went to the bedroom and came back with a space heater. He plugged it in under the sink and set it to medium heat. "Remind me to put it on low once the room is warm."

Ian shut the door behind us as we left the bathroom. In the bedroom, Ian helped me off with my coat. He stood behind me and kissed my bare shoulders. "I love you." He pulled my hair back off my neck and kissed my neck from behind while his hands traveled from my waist to my stomach to my breasts. He caressed me gently as he continued to suckle on my neck. I was already aroused by this. "Take off the dress," he whispered.

"It unzips on the side," I informed him. He reached under my arm and slowly unzipped the dress to the waist and helped me to slip out of it. Only now did he see the white corset I had been wearing under the dress that went with the white lace top thigh high stockings and white lace panties.

"Mmmmmm. Purity at it's best. Can ask you a favor?"

"What?"

"Would you put those heels back on and dance for me?"

"There's no music."

"I could sing," he offered.

"How would you like a lap dance?" I said teasing.

He grinned. "Even better."

"Okay but no cheating this time. You keep your pants on."

There was a single chair in the room. Ian pulled it to the center of the room and sat in it. "Come to papa."

I pulled the twenty or so pins out of my hair and let it fall wildly over my shoulders. I gave Ian the lap dance of his life. I teased him until he could take it no more. He grabbed me around the waist and picked me up over his head and I thought he would slam me onto the bed but at the last minute he used his brute strength to slow my body until it lay gently on the bed. Ian slowly removed his own clothes and he strutted while he did it. I thought this is what a male stripper must look like. He climbed over the top of me. "I've never made love to a married lady." He slowly brought his lips to mine and we kissed for a long time as he pressed his body against mine teasing me now. Eventually he lay down next to me and began to touch me in all the ways he knew set me off. Our love making lasted most of the night. We snuggled after each orgasm and talked about our visions of the future. At one point he had to get up and add wood to the fire. He ran outside in his birthday suit and returned with champagne in a bucket with ice.

"I forgot about this."

"Ian! Someone could have seen you!"

"Well there was a raccoon. I think it was a female because she looked like she wanted me," he said smugly.

We finished off the bottle. When we were both satisfied and had stopped trying to arouse each other, we laid next to each other on the bed on our stomachs with our bodies propped up on our elbows. I looked at my rings in the firelight. The wedding ring Ian had gotten was an insert that apparently had come with the original ring. It was all diamonds that surrounded the sapphires.

"I can't believe I'm seventeen and married."

"I can't believe we are finally married, which reminds me. Jeb drew up a binding marriage license that we need to sign in his presence and he has to sign as well."

"When are they all leaving?"

"I think they are going tomorrow night."

"We should make sure we say good bye to all of them. When are we going back?"

"A. You aren't leaving this building for three days. I have food being delivered till then. This is our honeymoon. B. Why would we leave? You have a house here."

"Ian O'Shea! You made a promise. You said we would spend the winters in the caverns. Are you going back on your promise?"

He sighed and flipped onto his back. "No. We can go back." He sounded defeated.

"When?"

"How about after Christmas?"

"Okay, I can wait till after Christmas." I was still a bit angry. "Besides, you said yourself that you can't do anything more to the house until the spring. Melanie is about to have her baby. I want to be there to help them. Maybe it will help me to come to terms with having one of my own." I was on a roll. "I was hoping to persuade Sunny to have one too."

"Okay, Okay! Come on, get under the covers. The sun will be up soon. Let's get some sleep." Ian got up after a few hours when the room was getting cold and he threw more wood on the fire. When he climbed back into the bed he was cold and he wrapped himself around me and woke me up when his cold body touched mine.

"Ah! Are you crazy? I was asleep!"

"Warm me up Baby." He squeezed me tightly and I soon fell back to sleep.

We slept late. It was afternoon when we woke up. I should say it was afternoon when _I_ woke up because Ian had gotten up twice more to put wood on the fire and had showered. He was in the bed propped up on one elbow watching me sleep when I opened my eyes. "You missed breakfast," he said quietly.

"What?"

"Your boyfriend delivered breakfast at ten o'clock this morning."

I sat up. "I don't have a boyfriend."

"I thought Nate was your 'friend'?"

"He is but he's not a boy," I snapped.

"Oooo. Okay, your man friend."

I cocked my head to the side. "Are you _trying_ to push my buttons?"

"Is it working?"

"Yes."

"Good I love it when you're all riled up. It makes for great sex."

"No sex. I'm hungry."

"But you missed breakfast."

"Then I'm going to the kitchen."

"No, you're not."

"Would you have me starve?"

"Nope. Lunch will be here soon though. It's already one o'clock."

I got up and looked out the window. It looked like snow.

"You had better change into something more than that. I really don't think you need to greet your 'man friend' wearing that."

"Fine, I'm going to take a shower."

"I'll be right here waiting for you."

"Do I even _have_ clothes?"

"Well, I considered keeping you naked the whole time you were here but I thought if we took a walk in the woods it might be a bit cold for you." He chuckled. "Your clothes are in the dresser."

At two o'clock, Nate came to the door with our lunch. Ian, who was wearing pants but no shirt ushered him in through the door. "Greetings newlyweds. I brought you sustenance. I thought you might want to know that they are expecting a snow storm tonight. Anywhere from six to twelve inches. Our guests have opted to stay another couple of days. Jeb felt that putting them on the road could be dangerous and I agree."

We were more than a mile from the house. "Well, maybe we should go back to the house then and stay in our room," I suggested.

"Can't," Nate said abruptly.

"Why not?"

"Didn't Ian tell you?"

"It didn't really come up," Ian remarked.

"What are you two talking about?"

"Kyle and Sunny. They are in your room," Nate blurted out.

"Get out!" I was excited. "Ian, why didn't you tell me?"

"We didn't do a whole lot of talking last night."

I turned to Nate. "Ignore him. He's exaggerating."

Ian glared at me and left the room. I assumed he was headed to the bathroom.

"Well, I'll make sure you have dinner tonight. Tomorrow may depend on how bad the storm is. I'll see if whoever brings dinner makes sure there's extra beverages and food for the both of you."

"Thanks Nate. By the way, I love the house. Thank you for all the work you put into it."

"Anything for you. As long as you are happy." He looked out at the door where Ian had gone. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes, everything is fine."

"I'll see you in what two more days?"

I smiled at him. "Absolutely."

He stepped forward and hugged me. As he pulled back he looked at me seriously. "Are you sure everything is all right?"

"I'm positive," I assured him.

Nate left and I watched him through the window as he walked away. I saw Ian outside grabbing more wood from the pile that had been left for our use. He looked angry.

He came back in carrying an arm full of firewood. He dropped it on the floor next to the fireplace. "You mind telling me what the hell that was all about?" he growled.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Ignore him? He's exaggerating? What, you don't want him to know that we screw like bunnies?"

"Ian. It's none of his business."

"He knows every other damn thing that happens in your life but the fact we made love more than we talked on our wedding night; _that_ he doesn't need to know." Ian grabbed his sweater and pulled it over his head. He grabbed his coat and his gloves.

"Where are you going?"

"For a walk. I need to clear my head. Apparently I see things differently than you do."

"Ian!" He closed the door behind him. I didn't know if I should follow him or if I should just wait for him. I was starving and I knew Ian had eaten the breakfast that had been brought to us earlier. My hunger outweighed my want to follow him. I was upset because I didn't know what I had done wrong. I couldn't understand why he would still be jealous. We were married now. When I finished my sandwich, I curled up on the bed. He came back after about twenty minutes. I lay on the bed fully clothed with my back to him.

"Wanderer, are you awake?" he asked from across the room.

"Yes," I responded but I didn't turn around to face him.

I heard him cross from the door to the fireplace. I heard him messing with the fire.

I rolled over to face him. "Ian?"

"What?"

"I'm sorry. Maybe, I'm stupid, but I don't understand why you're mad at me."

"I still harbor a lot of jealousy when it comes to Nate."

I sat up on the bed. "Why? I married _you."_

"I don't know. You know how if you were in a car crash…" He sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "Crap. Okay. Let's say you were the sole survivor of an accident. How would you feel?"

I started to cry. "I felt awful." He came to me and held me. "Why did you feel awful? It wasn't your fault."

"I felt like why him and not me?"

"Exactly! Nate has got himself together. He's good looking and smart and he always treats you like a princess." He paused and then continued. "Look at me. I've tried to kill you twice. Why the hell did you marry me?"

"Oh my god!" I was blown away by his insecurity. "I married you because you are the one I am in love with. How can the hottest guy on campus be so insecure?"

"Easy. He's got the hottest girl on the planet."

"Look at me, Ian O'Shea. I am your wife. Your property. Period."

Ian stood up and walked to the bed. "I'm sorry."

"I'm getting a headache from being cooped up in here. I need some fresh air. Will you take a walk with me?"

"Sure, it's cold as hell out there though."

I sat up grabbed his arm. "I've got you to keep me warm."

We left the house and walked towards the baseball field.

"Ian?"

"Yes?"

"Can I make a request in regards to the house?"

"You don't like the house?"

"It's not that. You said you could add on."

"It's not big enough?"

"Would you shush for one minute? I wanted to know if you could add on a laundry room. It's like a mile and a half to the house. I'm not thrilled about schlepping laundry on foot all the way to the root cellar."

"Good point. Okay, I'll add a laundry room."

"And the other thing…"

"There's more?"

"You said you were going to add a bathroom for our bedroom. Can you add a walk-in closet?"

He stopped dead in his tracks and stared it me. "You want a walk-in closet?"

"Yes. I had one in my room growing up. I like knowing that everything is stacked in neat little rows."

"Where the hell did you grow up? In a mansion in Beverly Hills?"

"No. It wasn't a mansion, really."

"Did you have a pool?"

"Yes, but so did you," I said in my defense.

"Ours was above ground. Was your pool above ground?" I didn't answer him. "What does your father do for a living?"

"Do we have to talk about this?"

Ian refused to walk and he held my hand so I couldn't walk either. "I think we do, Pet."

"I'm not Pet, I'm Wanderer," I said adamantly.

"But Pet is a big part of you. I want to know."

"We can walk while we talk." I took a step and he follwed. We continued walking the perimeter of the baseball field. "Before the takeover he was the CEO of a company that made parts."

"Parts for what?"

"Airplanes."

"There are no airplanes anymore," he pointed out.

"Well, he's an ambitious man; he jumped into parts for air shuttles."

He nodded his head. "You grew up a rich kid."

"Rich is a relative term considering there is no money. It's more about position and status," I explained.

"So, let me get this straight. It's like a cast system with you souls. How do you break out and move up?"

"The same way humans do. You have to have the ambition and the schooling to change your position."

"So, what would have happened to me?"

"You were on a course to be a baseball player. You would have done that. That's where your ambition is."

"And Nate?"

I laughed. "Nate probably would have been the president of the United States one day."

"What school did you go to?"

"Blair Academy."

Again he nodded his head proving that he understood the implications. "A private school."

"Yes."

"So what would you have done with your life?"

"I have done exactly what I wanted to do with my life."

"How can you be so sure? We kidnapped you. You had no choice."

"That's easy. I am not Pet. Pet would have gone to some prestigious college and found herself a husband."

"A husband like Nate," Ian again pointed out.

I took a deep breath. "Probably. I'm not Pet. I'm Wanderer. I'm the girl who's been to nine planets and never found a reason to want to stay. I'm the girl whose body was battered and beaten but still found the one reason to never want to leave this planet. Ian, that reason is you."

"But you still carry Pet's memories."

"I do. I still want some of the finer things in life. I admit that. That's why I like to shop, but I haven't come home with any 'Prada' shoes or clothes by 'Michael Kors', or handbags from 'Dooney & Bourke'."

"What about the shoes you wore for our wedding?"

"Okay, they were 'Jimmy Choos', but it was my wedding!"

Ian started to laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"You just had to have the best."

"That's right and I got the best. I got you."

"How am I ever going to keep you happy?"

"Just keep loving me, that's all I ask."

"That and a laundry room and a walk-in closet."

I grinned. "Right."

Ian enveloped me in his arms and he kissed me. It was a slow burn kiss. Again I felt cold drops of snow landing on my face as I leaned up to kiss him. "You've got to stop doing that."

He creased his eyebrows. "Doing what?"

"Making it snow every time you kiss me!"

"I thought you like the snow."

"I do!"

Ian smiled and kissed me again. I was in heaven.

I was starting to shudder from the cold. "We should get back."

"I guess you know how to ski," Ian commented.

"I love Aspen!"

Ian just shook his head.

9


	42. Chapter 42

**So, I've had a very busy weekend in the publishing of my book. Take my word for it; publishing is not as easy as one would think. You find out very quickly that the manuscript you submit does not end up on the written page the way you had hoped. You have to read the entire book and comb it for errors made in the formatting stage, document each error and submit it to be corrected. When the corrections are done…. Guess what? You get to read it all again to see if they corrected the mistakes and if they made any new ones in the process. Kill me now.**

**The rest of the weekend was spent writing Nate's Diary. I'm on page 49.**

**I could use a bit of encouragement from my fans.**

**Oh yeah, one more thing…thank you **.Ian **for the incredible support. You're amazing!**

NEW ARRIVAL

THAT NIGHT, BEFORE WE CURLED UP to go to sleep we went outside to check the status of the snow. There was already about four inches on the ground. I snuggled into my husband's chest and was warm and cozy when I drifted off to sleep. We woke when it was still morning. I opened my eyes and I was lying with my head on Ian's chest and he was stroking my hair.

"Why do I always sleep later than you?"

"Because you're still growing."

"Hmmm."

"Look out the window," he instructed. I rolled away from him and turned towards the window. All I could see was white. I sprang from the bed and vaulted to the window. It looked like a winter wonderland.

"How much do you think is out there?"

"I'm gonna say about twice what was there last night. About eight inches."

"I want to go outside and play!"

"You can't go out wearing that." All I had on was a little short nightie. I wasn't even wearing panties. My butt peaked out as I peered out the window.

"Mmmmmm. Nice view."

"Ian!"

"Hey! I'm just sayin'."

I went to the dresser and grabbed the clothes I had worn briefly yesterday and strode to the bathroom. By the time I came back, Ian was dressed like a lumberjack and sitting on the side of the bed.

"What are you going to wear on your feet? Jimmy Choos aren't going to cut it."

"I have boots. They're in the van."

"That's not going to help you way out here."

I went over and picked up my phone. I dialed Burns's number.

"Hello?"

"Hey. What are you doing?"

"Watching TV."

"Do you think there is anyone over there that might be willing to bring me my new boots out of the van?"

"You know there's eight inches of snow out there, right?"

"Yes, I know there's eight inches of snow out there. That's why I need my boots."

"Hold on." There was silence on the other end for a few minutes.

"Nate says he'll do it but he asks why you didn't tell him yesterday before the snow."

"I didn't think about it yesterday. Tell him I said thank you."

I hung up the phone.

"Don't tell me, Nate is bringing them to you."

"Yes."

"Give me the phone." He took it from me and flipped it open.

"Hello, Nate? Don't worry about bringing them out here. I'll just carry her back to the house. It's silly for you to come all the way out here."…"Yeah, no problem."…"Thanks, man."

He clicked the phone shut. "He's not your errand boy."

"He volunteered!"

"We are not having this discussion. Put on your sneakers…Please!" Ian helped me on with my ski jacket. I put on my gloves and my scarf. Ian tossed another log onto the fire and turned the heater in the bathroom to low. We walked through the house to the front door. "Come on, jump on," he commanded as he bent low enough for me to jump on his back. I jumped on and he grabbed my legs and held them. "Jeez! Are you gaining weight?"

"Ha-ha, funny." I wrapped my arms loosely around his neck and put my chin on his shoulder.

Ian walked slowly and carefully through the deep snow. He picked up the pace at the ball field where there were no hidden branches or rocks for him to trip over. The sun was shining brightly for now but there were clouds on the horizon.

"This is beautiful. The snow is still pristine."

"Babe, would you pull my hat down over my ears?"

The fact that he had called me 'Babe' indicated to me that he wasn't mad at me anymore. I fixed his hat. "I'm glad you're not mad at me anymore."

"Who said I'm not mad? I'm debating right now whether or not to just drop you right here."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Oh, wouldn't I?"

"Ian O'Shea, I am your wife and I order you not to drop me."

"I'm feeling weak. I don't think I can hold you much longer." He acted as though he was struggling to stay on his feet.

"I'm not kidding, Ian."

He dropped to his knees and now my feet were in the snow. "Ian, pick me up!"

He fell to his side in the snow. His eyes were closed and he was unresponsive.

"Ian, this is not funny!" He still didn't move. I started to panic. "Ian! Wake up."

Suddenly he sprang up and pushed me onto my back in the snow. He was laughing but I wasn't. "Ian, stop it!"

"You wanted to play in the snow. I think the angel should make a snow angel. Make an angel for me."

"NO!"

"Oh come on. It will be a pretty angel in the outfield. I'll do one too."

"You're no angel!"

"True, but I still love you." He leaned in and kissed me. I fought him because I was mad but he didn't let up until finally his lips conquered mine and I kissed him back. "Do you still love me?"

"No." I pouted.

He pouted back at me. "It's going to be a long walk back to the house."

"Ian!" I whined.

"Do you love me?"

"I'm freezing!" I said in an effort to get him to pick me up.

He wasn't going to let up. "Do you love me?"

"You're cheating." I said still pouting.

Ian reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone. He dialed. "Hey, Nate. You want to come out here and get your girl? She's lying here in the middle of the baseball field. She doesn't love me anymore."

"Ian, I do so love you. Give me that phone." I grabbed it from him and put it to my ear. There was no one there.

He smiled. "You are so gullible."

"You are evil."

"Yeah, but you said you love me." He pulled me to my feet. He let go of me and I ran away from him a few feet and dropped into the snow and made a snow angel. Ian laughed. Then he did it too. When we both were up I climbed back onto his back and he carried me the rest of the way to the house. I was frozen by the time we got there. Some of the kids were in the back yard building a snow fort.

We stepped into the house and Nate, Gina, Burns and Lily were lounging on the couch with several others. Ian blurted out, "Is this where the hot chocolate is?"

I sat on the coffee table and I took off my shoes and socks. My feet were red from the cold. Nate saw my feet. "Jesus, Ian. What did you drag her through the snow?"

"He dropped me." I said giving Nate my puppy dog eyes.

"She dared me," Ian said in his defense. "Don't worry, a nice hot Jacuzzi and you'll feel all better." He crossed to the bathroom and started the water. Then he went to the door of our room. As he grabbed the doorknob, Burns said, "They are in there."

Ian rolled his eyes. "I suppose they are taking a nap."

"I don't know." Burns made a face as he said it.

Ian knocked on the door. "It's Ian. Can I get some clothes?"

It took a minute and the door slowly opened. Kyle looked as though he had been crying. "You okay, man?" Ian asked earnestly.

"Yeah, I'm better now."

"Is Sunny okay?" Ian asked.

"Yeah."

I was worried now. "Can I see Sunny?"

"Sure."

I entered the room and Sunny was half dressed and lying in the bed. I approached her carefully because she too had been crying. "Hey, girl. How are you?"

She smiled a weak smile. "You were right. He doesn't care about Jonathan. I mean he cares, obviously, but he wants to make it work, with or without babies."

"Okay, that's wonderful! I'm so happy for you. So that means you're staying?"

"Yes, I'm staying." I flung my arms around her neck and we hugged. "Maybe one day we'll still be sisters-in-law," she whispered.

"Did you hear? Ian built me a house!"

"I heard. Congratulations."

Ian stuck his head in the door. "Babe, the clothes?"

"Oh right." I got up and went to the dresser and retrieved the warmest clothes I could find for me and Ian to wear. "I'll see you later." My arms were full as I left the bedroom.

The Jacuzzi was a great idea. I warmed up immediately and Ian attacked me. He didn't care that the living room was full of people now that we were married. Maybe it was the fact that Nate was out there, I don't know. I was just happy to be attacked. I tried very hard to keep my mouth shut though. They didn't need to hear my pleasure. When we got out of the water, I took the opportunity to put on makeup which I hadn't done yesterday. I felt like me again. As I bounced merrily out of the bathroom, I noticed that Nate was gone. Ian's parents were there now. I panicked at the thought that they might have heard us. If they had, they didn't let on. Ian had gone out to the van to get my new boots. When he returned he was looking in the box.

"You bought purple boots to match your coat?" he said with disapproval.

"Duh!" I responded.

He put the box on the floor near the door and strode over to the couch. He shook his head back and forth and then plopped into the chair.

"How's married life dear?" his mother asked.

"Expensive. I'm glad souls don't pay for what they want or I'd be in big trouble."

I came over and sat in Ian's lap. "Don't be silly, I'd just cut back."

"I thought you _did_ cut back."

"I'd cut back more." I kissed him on the cheek. A movie was just starting. Ian and I sat and watched the movie. Afterwards we put on our snow gear and went outside.

The kids were out there in numbers now as well as some of the adults. They were choosing up sides for a good old fashioned snow ball fight. Ian and I joined the contest but we insisted the newlyweds had to be on the same side. It was fun. Ian was my protector. I only got hit twice and both times it was my fault because I got brave and left Ian's side. Ian got hit a lot but he hit a lot of people as well especially after we established a system in which I made the snow balls and he threw them. After about an hour outside I started to shiver again. Ian insisted I go inside but he stayed out and played with the kids. He and Blake built an igloo by shoveling a huge mountain of snow and then digging it out from the inside. They poured water on it to help it freeze.

By the time Ian came in I was snuggled on the couch with a blanket. My head was on my father-in-law's chest and my feet were in my brother-in-law's lap. Kyle had his hand on my feet and his other arm around Sunny.

"Aren't we just the cozy family?" Ian observed.

"I've never had a daughter before. It's kinda nice," Tom said.

"I see there's no room for me," Ian remarked.

Kyle answered quickly. "Nope."

I didn't want him to feel unwanted. "Ian, I…"

"It's okay. I'm going in the kitchen to see if I can scrounge up something warm to drink."

"Mom's in there. She'll love you," Kyle said coldly.

After about twenty minutes Ian returned to the living room. He sat in the chair across from the couch. Tom piped up. "Ian, take my place, you're still officially on your honeymoon."

Ian didn't argue. He got up and switched places with his dad. I snuggled into Ian's steel chest and he cradled his massive arm around me and before I knew it I was asleep.

Next thing I knew Ian was waking me up. "Babe, wake up. It's time for dinner. You want to go out to the dining hall and eat with the masses? Then we can go home before the fire goes completely out."

By the time we returned to our home the fire was nearly out and it was cold. Ian immediately went to work on the fire. I was already freezing from the walk home and I didn't like coming into a cold house.

"Babe, you can go in the bathroom and warm up. I'll have this fire going in just a bit."

I didn't argue. I got up and went to the bathroom. It wasn't toasty but it was better than the bedroom. I turned the heater on medium. Just as I got warm Ian came in. "It should be warm in there in a few minutes."

"Ian?

"Yeah, babe."

"You keep calling me 'babe'. What happened to Babydoll?"

"You're a married woman now. You're a babe. Besides I always liked 'babe'."

"Well, I'm still going to call you Superman."

"Sure." He leaned in and kissed me. "You ready for bed?"

"Not yet, but you're gettin' there," I teased.

We spent another loving night with each other. In the morning, we decided to stay in bed and snuggle before getting up to head to the dining hall in time for lunch. Suddenly there was a pounding on the door.

"What the hell?" Ian snapped.

"It must be something bad," I concluded.

Ian jumped out of the bed and threw on his jeans and went to the front door. He came back with Jamie in tow.

He was breathing hard. "It's Melanie. She's in labor. She wants you, Wanda."

"Oh my god!"

"Wanderer, you go. I'll catch up with you in a bit. I need to make sure there is plenty of wood in here."

I stomped through the frozen snow with Jamie as quickly as I could.

"Where is she?"

"She's in the house right now but Doc is setting up the root cellar. He says it's the best place to do a delivery. He said it's private and it will be easier to clean up."

When we got to the house Melanie was pacing the floor.

"Melanie. How are you doing?"

"I'm in labor. How do you think?"

She wasn't in a great mood. I turned to Jared. "How far apart are her contractions?" I knew nothing about babies other than you are supposed to go to the hospital when the contractions are five minutes apart.

"About ten minutes apart. Doc says it's going to be awhile."

"Okay, we could play cards. That way it will be easy to time the contractions because we'll have paper and pencil," I suggested.

Jared looked at Melanie. "Mel, you want to play some gin rummy?"

"Sure whatever."

"Jared, you set up. I'll be right back. I want to touch base with Doc." I grabbed my coat and went to the root cellar. Doc and Candy were setting up. "Hey Doc."

"Why if it isn't Mrs. O'Shea! What brings you here? I thought you were on your honeymoon."

"Melanie is in labor."

"I know that."

"She wants me with her. I don't know anything about birthing babies. What do I do?"

"The main thing is to keep her calm."

"I asked her if she wants to play cards."

"That's a good idea. She's pretty early in her labor. I would say take her for a walk but with the snow and all…"

"What about when she has a contraction?"

"Well there are all different types of breathing exercises but since you are new at this just tell her to blow slowly through the contractions. Remember, if you lose control, so will she. I think Jared will remain calm simply because that is the kind of person he is but I've seen the husband lose it as well."

"Okay."

"Wanda?"

"Yeah?"

"Good luck. Come to me when the contractions are five minutes apart."

"Okay and thanks."

I went back to the house. As I entered Mel was in the middle of a contraction. Jared was trying to talk her through it.

"You're doing good, Mel," he said in a supportive voice.

When the contraction ended Mel straightened up again. "I don't know how long I can do this."

"You'll do it as long as it takes and when it's over there will be a beautiful baby," I chimed in.

"Remind me to say that to you when it's your turn," she snapped.

I smiled. "I will."

I was nervous for her but I didn't dare show it. We sat at the table and played cards. After about a half hour and two more contractions, Ian came in.

"I'm sure you don't want me here but can I please speak with my wife?"

It was oddly comforting to be called his wife.

Melanie barked back at him. "You're right. I don't want anyone here except Jared and Wanda. I would appreciate it if you would please keep your eye on Jamie."

"I can do that."

I got up and left the kitchen with Ian. "How is she doing in there?"

"So far so good. She's a bit cranky but I guess that's to be expected."

"How long are you going to stay?" He looked needy.

"Ian, I'm going to stay till the baby is born unless she sends me away."

"What do you want _me_ to do?"

"Ian, I want you to go hang out with Burns and Kyle and Nate. Play pool or cards. Have a beer."

"You want me to have a beer?" he asked skeptically.

"I didn't say get trashed. One or two beers is okay. I'll check in with you in two hours…if I can."

"What do you mean…'if you can'?" I glared at him without answering. "Okay, okay, I'm going. Can I get a kiss good bye?"

He looked so lost. I leaned up to his lips and he kissed me like I was leaving him to go to the caverns again. "Go, I'll see you soon."

With Ian gone, I returned to the kitchen. Just as I sat down Melanie started another contraction. It had been eight minutes since her last one. She had to get up. She walked over to the sink and leaned over it in pain.

"Just blow through it Mel. You can do it." She started to blow. After a minute the contraction ended.

"It's easier when I'm standing up," she said.

"Okay. Let's turn your chair so when it's time for a contraction we can get you up quickly."

We went on like this for the next two hours. It was late afternoon and the ladies who cook wanted the kitchen back. Melanie started freaking out.

"Maria! How about you and the others take the day off. I'll see if Burns can go to town and get pizzas," I offered in the hopes Mel would be appeased.

I led the ladies out of the house and used the break to check on Ian as well as asking Burns about the pizzas.

Ian spotted me as soon as I came through the door. He rushed to me. "Did she have the baby?"

"No. She's not even close yet."

"I need to go back to the house and check on the fireplace."

"Why don't you do that? Take a nap or something. I need to speak to Burns."

I got Burns to agree to go get pizzas for dinner. He said he would leave in another hour. I told him we really didn't want anyone in the house so he should get everything we needed right down to the paper plates and napkins. He said he would take Ice with him and assured me that no one else would enter the house.

A little while later, Nate came in unannounced and Melanie about blew a gasket. I grabbed Nate and escorted him back out the door.

"Are you crazy? Burns told me that no one would come in here."

"What? Burns isn't even here. He went somewhere. The others told me that Melanie was in labor."

"She is and she doesn't want _you_ here," I scolded.

"What did _I_ do?"

"Nothing. She doesn't want anyone here except me and Jared."

"Where is Ian?"

"I told him to go home and take a nap. Why don't you go check on him?"

"Okay. You sure are bossy now that you're married." He smiled but I wasn't sure if he was joking and right now. I wasn't really in a joking mood.

"Nate. You know I'm not bossy but Melanie is on edge here and so am I. Please respect that."

"Okay Beautiful. I'll go check on your husband."

"Good, keep him company 'cause he's freaking out without me."

When the pizza arrived, Burns called and informed me that he would leave one pie in the living room for me and Jared. We took turns eating because we didn't want to eat in front of Melanie. Melanie had chicken noodle soup. Doc had suggested the soup on one of his visits to see how far along she was. The night went on with Melanie slowly progressing through her labor. I didn't hear from Ian or Nate so I could only assume they were keeping each other company. It wasn't until after ten o'clock in the evening that her contractions were finally five minutes apart. Jared was very supportive and loving. I hoped that when my time came that Ian would be as supportive. Jared and I helped her to the root cellar and I called Burns on the phone to summon Doc and Candy.

Once inside the root cellar, Melanie's labor took on a whole new dimension. Doc checked on her progress and announced that she was ready to go into transitional labor. During this time, her water broke. From that moment things moved very fast.

At twelve fifteen on the morning of December fifteenth, a beautiful baby boy was born. I was amazed at this miracle and I fell in love with Jesse James as soon as I laid my eyes on him.

Ian had fallen asleep on the couch in the living room. Jamie was sleeping in a chair. I went to Ian and gently shook him awake. "It's a boy!" I said quietly.

Ian came to his senses. "She had the baby?"

"Yes, both mother and son appear to be healthy."

"What's his name?"

"Jesse James Howe."

Jamie roused from his sleep.

"Did Mel have the baby?"

"Yes, congratulations, Uncle Jamie."

"Boy or Girl?"

"Boy."

"Yes!" He pumped his fist. "The outlaw Jesse James. That is such a cool name."

I returned my attention to Ian. "Please tell the others while I go back to make sure she doesn't need anything. I'll be back in a bit."

As it turned out Burns and Lily weren't even in the house. They took Mel and Jared's bed in the bunkhouse and left their private room for the new mom and dad and baby.

Ian was eager to get me back to himself. Once Mel and Jared and little Jesse were comfortable in Burns's room, Ian and I went back to our home in the woods. I was exhausted. The house was cold again but I didn't care. I crawled under the covers with my clothes on and immediately fell asleep. Ian didn't even get a kiss good night.

I woke early eager to get back to the baby. Ian was still asleep. I jumped into the shower and was dressed by the time Ian rolled over and saw me.

"Why are you up?"

"Are you kidding? There's a baby that needs me. Melanie has got to be exhausted by now. We don't even have any formula here. I'll probably have to run to town and get supplies."

"Are you leaving now?"

"You don't mind, do you? You can meet me at the house when you're ready." I was out the door without so much as a kiss. My mind was only on the little helpless darling that needed me.

I was grateful to find out when I got to the house that Burns had picked up formula, diapers, powder, and wipes for the little one on his trip to town yesterday, but Jesse had no clothes to speak of. I still needed to make another run to a department store.

I poked my head into the bedroom. Melanie was awake and feeding the baby.

"Hi! Can I come in?"

"Of course you can. Come see your god child."

"You want me to be the god mother?"

"Yes, if anything were to happen to me and Jared, I want you and Ian to raise him."

"I'm so honored that you would trust him to me. Thank you. Can I hold him?"

"Sure, take him carefully."

I lifted him into my arms and my heart nearly exploded. How could Sunny not want this? I wanted it. He looked like a little angel. He looked so much like Melanie but he had Jared's jaw. "Do you want to take a nap? I can watch him while you sleep."

"Really? You would do that? Because I _am_ exhausted."

"Go to sleep, both of you. I won't leave the house with him. I promise. We'll be right in the living room. I'll treat him like he was my own."

I closed the door gently behind me as me and Jesse entered the living room.

I went into the kitchen and made coffee. I returned to the living room and sat on the couch. He didn't finish his bottle but then again I didn't know how much a newborn was supposed to drink. I held him to my shoulder and patted his back until he burped. Then I just stared at him. I could have looked at him all day.

The first person to enter the house was Nate. He couldn't see the baby in my lap when he came in.

"Hey, it's the beautiful Mrs. O'Shea."

"Shhhh."

"What?" He realized I had Jesse now. "You have the baby!" He tiptoed over to the couch and sat next to me.

"Wow. Look at him. He's so perfect."

"I know, right?"

"Soon, it will be your turn."

"You know I wanted to wait until I was eighteen to go off birth control but seeing this; I'm ready to be pregnant tomorrow."

"Would you like some help with that?" he teased.

"I can't do it alone but I'm pretty sure my husband would object."

"Just checking."

"You'll be a father some day."

"Right. And who pray tell would be the mother?" He laid his head on my shoulder.

"Maybe Victoria."

"Bite your tongue woman. We are not in love."

"But you make love to her," I reminded him.

"You know they call it making love, but really it's just sex."

"I disagree. There is a huge difference in making love and sex. See this baby? He is the result of two people making love."

"They had sex," he reiterated.

"They had sex with meaning."

"So are you saying that if you and I had you know…?"

"We would have made love because we love each other. I would have done everything in my power to please you and you, I'm assuming, would have done everything in your power to please me."

"I try to please Victoria when I'm with her but I'm still not in love with her."

"Does she try to please you?"

"You're getting a little personal now aren't you?"

Ian came through the door at that moment and saw me and Nate huddled close together on the couch.

"What the hell?" he growled.

I turned my head towards Ian. "Come see. I have the baby."

As he came around the couch and saw little Jesse lying peacefully in my lap, a smile came over his face. Ian sat next to me on the opposite side of Nate and stared at the baby. "Can I hold him?"

"Sure."

I passed the baby to Ian. He cradled him in his arms and stared at him. "Hey there, little one. You gonna play baseball with Coach?" He touched his hands. "Look at his little fingers."

Nate spoke up. "Where _are_ Mel and Jared?"

"I told them to take a nap while I watched him. Excuse me." I got up and left the living room to go and get a cup of the coffee I had left brewing in the kitchen.

When I came back they were both cooing over Jesse.

"Ian?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"Would you tell Nate the difference between making love and sex?"

"Yeah, there's no difference."

"HA!" Nate bellowed.

"Ian!"

He raised his head to look at me. "Why are you talking to him about that stuff anyway?"

"Just answer the question," I urged.

"I would but you know I have a tendency to exaggerate." He shut me up by shoving my own words down my throat. I wasn't going to fight with him in front of Nate.

I was irritated but I stood my ground. "Well all I can say is when we are playing or when I am trying to be sexy, for me that's sex. It's fun and it's wild but when it starts with a long slow passionate kiss and I'm emotionally invested, then for me it's making love."

"And what would you call this morning?" Ian asked.

I was confused. "We didn't do anything this morning."

"Exactly." He looked at Nate. "She didn't even kiss me good bye."

Nate shook his head. "Sounds like the marriage is over dude."

I was furious. I walked over to the two of them. "Nate would you take the baby, please?"

"You're not going to hit him are you?"

"The baby? No."

"I meant your husband." Nate took the baby from Ian.

I took Ian by the hand and dragged him into the kitchen. "This isn't over, mister." I grabbed him by the collar and pulled him to my lips. I kissed him long and hard. When we finished the kiss I added, "And don't think you're getting sex tonight."

"Oh, come on babe."

"You'll just have to figure out how to make love to me without the sex."

I stormed away from him and went back to the baby. Just seeing his precious little face changed my ugly mood dramatically. Ian came back into the living room looking dejected.

"Why don't you two go chop wood or something," I ordered them.

"Why is she mad at_ me_? I didn't do anything," Nate protested.

Ian narrowed his eyes at Nate "You started this whole thing. I don't know how but somehow…you know what? Let's _go _chop some wood."

I didn't like the sound of that. "Ian, I expect you to be on your best behavior. You should be thinking about the difference between sex and making love."

"I _know _the difference," he growled.

"Really," I said sarcastically.

At that moment the baby started to cry. I tried to calm him but he continued.

"He may need a diaper change," Nate suggested.

"I've never done that," I exclaimed.

"Well, check his diaper first," Ian urged. We laid Jesse on the couch and peeled back his diaper. "Oh! Yeah he needs a change. Where is his stuff?" Ian asked.

"In the bedroom."

Nate interrupted, "I'll get it."

"Do it quietly. I don't want to wake them," I ordered.

Nate left the room. Ian took the opportunity to plead his case. "Wanderer, you know that I know when we are just having sex and when we are really making love. During our honeymoon, I've only made love to you."

"I know that. I was trying to make a point to Nate and you didn't back me up."

"It's a guy thing. Guys talk about sex. They don't get all mushy with emotion when talking about it. I'm sorry."

"Nate thinks there is no difference between sex and making love."

"That's because he's never made love to you."

"And he never will!" I said in a shrill voice.

Ian smiled. "That's the best thing I've heard all day."

"Better than I love you?"

"You haven't said that to me today."

I realized that half of the day was gone and I hadn't said 'I love you' to my husband of three days. I felt like crap. "Ian, I love you." I said it with as much sincerity as I could.

"I know you do." He would have kissed me but poor little Jesse was making such a fuss.

Nate returned carrying a few diapers, wipes, and baby powder. It was like the blind leading the blind. The only person who had actually changed a diaper before was Nate. He had changed Priscilla's diaper a few times when she was a baby. It was a team effort but in the end Jesse was wiped, freshly powdered, and diapered. You'd think we had invented the light bulb or something. Once he was changed, Ian took him and rocked him in his arms until he fell asleep. Nate announced that he had things to do and left the house just as Sunny and Kyle emerged from the bedroom.

"It's the baby!" Kyle seemed thrilled with the new edition. He came right over to see Jesse. Sunny held back. She bolted to the bathroom instead. When she came out she went straight to the kitchen. I followed her.

"Good morning Sunshine!" I teased her.

"When was the baby born?" she asked.

"Last night, a little after midnight. A boy. Jesse James Howe."

"An outlaw, that's cute."

"He's very cute. You should come see him. He won't bite and you can't get pregnant by touching him."

"Ha-ha, funny. I'll be out in a few minutes. Let me eat first."

I came back out to the living room and Ian still had the sleeping baby cradled in his arms. He was sitting on the couch and he turned the TV on at a low volume. Jamie and Megan came bounding through the door and it slammed behind them. The baby jumped at the sound and began to cry.

"Jesus, can we put a note on that door or something?" Ian barked. He soothed little Jesse and he fell quickly back to sleep. I wrote a note with the warning: 'Sleeping Baby- Be Quiet' and I hung it on the outside of the door.

Megan and Jamie sat quietly on the couch. "Can we see?" Jamie whispered.

Ian whispered back. "Yes, just be quiet."

The slam of the door must have waked Mel and Jared because they came out of the room. "Is everything okay?" Mel inquired as she moved towards her baby.

Ian smiled brightly at her. "Everything is fine. He's sleeping. We even changed his diaper."

Jared spoke. "Ian, are you practicing?"

"Yep, sure am. You know, this kid is going to be on my team some day. I guess I should get to know him."

"How do you know he'll like baseball?" Melanie asked.

"Well, if he hangs out with my kid, he'll definitely play ball."

I came over and put my hands on Ian's shoulders. "He's got it all figured out."

Sunny came out of the kitchen and peeked at the baby. "He looks so…fragile."

"He is," Ian answered. "That's why we have to love and protect him."

Melanie looked at me. "See, he'll make the perfect godfather."

Ian hadn't heard the earlier conversation. He was hearing it for the first time.

"You want me to be the god father?" he asked.

Jared put his hand on Ian's shoulder. "Are you up for the job?"

"Hell, yeah!" He looked at me. "We're godparents!" He was beaming.

"I know." I smiled. I directed my attention back to Melanie. "You should finish your nap."

"I don't think I can sleep right now. There's too much excitement."

At that moment Maggie, Tom, Maria, and Jeb all came through the door. It was then that I decided it would be a good time for me to do a little shopping for Jesse. After all, he had no clothes. He was wrapped in a blanket.

"Ian, I'm going to go shopping."

Sunny piped up. "I'm coming."

Kyle looked terrified. I, too, was frozen with fear. I tried my best to shake it off to answer her. "Okay…sure…we'll have fun." I said trying unsuccessfully to sound enthusiastic.

"Guys! Don't panic! I'm coming back!" she hollered.

It felt like the whole room breathed a sigh of relief.

Sunny finished getting ready and the O'Shea men walked us out to the car. "When will you be back?" Ian asked.

"I don't know? How long does it take to pick some baby clothes?"

I kissed Ian good bye. "I love you Mr. O'Shea."

"I'll be waiting for you." He replied.

13


	43. Chapter 43

**Sorry guys. It's kinda been a crazy week. Baseball, bowling, baseball…oh! And I got my first draft of the cover for my book. It is beautiful. I'm so excited! Anyway, I just finished reading Twilight Wubber's review. She quoted what she liked in the chapter. It was a lot of quote which I guess is good because that means she liked a lot of the chapter. Yay! So, for you TL, who wanted know when I would post again but didn't want to be pushy about it…here it is…**

MOMENTS OF WEAKNESS

WE TOOK SUNNY'S CAR and drove to the nearest town with a mall. The old Sunny was back and we went on a shopping frenzy. We purchased a ton of clothes for Jesse. Even Sunny enjoyed picking out little designer duds for the little guy. In true style, Sunny and I hit 'Frederick's of Hollywood' and picked out a few items we thought might please the O'Shea boys. Then we decided to go shoe shopping. I picked up a warm pair of boots. They were the color of the desert with cream colored fleece inside and two adorable pom pom's hanging off the end of the laces. Afterwards we went to K-Mart to purchase a car seat and a little bassinet for Jesse to sleep in. In addition, we picked up a pair of slippers and a robe for Mel and a coat and a pair of warm gloves for Ian. By the time we finished our shopping, it was dinner time so we treated ourselves to a Japanese steakhouse.

We arrived back home after ten o'clock. We had been gone eight hours. Kyle was in the living room waiting for us with Mel and Jared. Ian wasn't in the house. I was told that he was getting more and more upset with each hour that went by so Victoria and Holly dragged him to the game room. He was most likely playing poker. I went to the game room and Ian was there. He had been drinking. There was a near empty case of beer in the corner by the door and the table was littered with empties. He was sitting between Holly and Victoria with his back to the door so he didn't see me come in. He had his arm around Holly's shoulder and he was talking in her ear. He wasn't whispering. I don't think he could have whispered if he wanted to. Victoria saw me first.

She grabbed Ian's hand and shook it. He responded to her by saying, "What, you want to shake my hand?" He didn't slur his words but I couldn't help but wonder if one or two more beers would do the trick. Victoria had his attention now and pointed in my direction. She leaned in and said something to him but it wasn't loud enough to hear.

He turned and saw me standing there. "Well, look what the cat dragged in!" he bellowed.

"You've been drinking," I said solemnly.

"Yep. For the last…what the hell time is it?"

"It's ten thirty," Holly announced.

Ian turned to her. "Thank you darlin'." I rolled my eyes. My first instinct was to turn and walk away but I was his wife now.

"You ready to go home?" I asked calmly.

"You want me to go home with you?" He was surprised at my offer. Apparently he had been geared up for a fight.

"Yes, I want you to come home with me."

"Can I sleep with you?"

I'm not sure what he meant by that but considering the company he was keeping, I thought it best if I kept calm. "There's only one bed," I reminded him.

He smiled. "Okay, excuse me, ladies. That chick over there wants my body." I couldn't help but smile. He was drunk but he was cute. He came over to me and leaned to my ear. "I have beer breath," he said.

I wanted to burst out laughing but I held it in.

"It's okay," I answered as I helped him with his coat and his gloves. I knew the house would be cold and he probably wouldn't be able to deal with the fire if there even was one to deal with. I hooked my arm into his and kept him on the right path to the house.

"Wanderer?" he asked.

"What?"

"Are you mad at me?"

"No."

"Well, I'm pissed at you! You were gone a long time!"

"I'm sorry, Sunny and I were having fun."

"Doing what?" The cold air must have done some good because he was definitely more coherent now. The problem was he was also more sarcastic.

"We were shopping."

"Oh, that's right. Rich girls like to shop."

"Ian, _all _girls like to shop."

"Okay, rich girls _live_ to shop."

He had me there. I did live to shop. "Well, I guess it's a good thing I'm a soul because I get to shop for everyone." We walked in silence for a minute before I continued. "But you know what? If I had to choose shopping or you, I'd choose you."

"Good." He squeezed my hand.

As we entered the house I expected the worst but there was a fire roaring in the fireplace.

I was confused. "Ian, did you come back here?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Wanderer, I'm not that drunk. I think I would have remembered coming all the way back here and chances are I would have stayed."

I found the answer on the bed. There was note on the pillow. It read:

Ian was a little inebriated. I didn't want you to freeze.

Nate

"It was Nate."

"Figures," he said with venom in his voice.

At this point I was annoyed. I thought what Nate had done was really considerate and Ian was dismissing it.

"Go to bed," I barked.

"Aren't you coming to bed?"

"Not with you and that nasty attitude."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm going to take a shower. I do not wish to argue with you while you are drunk."

"I'm not drunk," he was adamant.

"Then tell me what reason you have to cop an attitude with Nate. He was nice enough to tend the fire."

"He didn't do it for me. He did it for you." That was it. I snapped. It was like someone pulled the rug out from under me.

"Screw you Ian. He did it for us. I am sick to death with your obsession with Nate. If you can't get it through your thick head that I love you then I won't sign that document Jeb wrote up and the marriage won't be binding. You go your way and I'll go mine."

"You can't mean that. You know I love you."

"Do you? If you really did then you would know that Nate can be crowned 'king of the mountain' but it wouldn't make a difference. He and I will never be more than friends because as long as you are in my world, you _are _my world."

"I'm sorry."

"I've heard that before. We've had this same argument umpteen times and every time I think you've gotten past this jealousy thing. Do you _want _me to have an affair with him? Do you want me to leave you? Would it make you feel better to have a reason to be insanely jealous?" I started to cry out of frustration.

"No, Wanderer. I don't want those things. I'm just scared to death."

"Don't you trust me?"

"Nate, can be very…"

"That's it. You don't trust me." I grabbed my coat and put it on.

"Where are you going?" he demanded.

"I'm leaving."

"No." He got up and blocked my path to the door.

"Ian, get out of my way."

"No, I won't let you leave."

I was furious. I lunged at him. "I HATE YOU!" I screamed as I pounded my fists on his chest. Of course I didn't hate him. What I hated was the fact that he didn't trust me. He stood there and let me hit him. "I hate you." I said it again and again and I continued to hit him until I was so hysterical that I collapsed to the ground. Ian picked me up and carried me to the bed. I curled up in the fetal position.

He crawled over me and brushed the hair from my face. "If you hate me, I'll leave." He choked out the words.

I turned over and grabbed his wrist before he could walk away. "Why won't you trust me? You are the only man I've ever slept with and I've had plenty of chances. Why can't you just trust me?"

He sat back down on the bed and pulled me to him. "I trust you. I do." He rocked me in his arms. "I promise you I won't say anything about Nate again. Do you believe me?"

"I want to, Ian."

"Tell you what, you believe me and I'll trust you." He pulled my face to his. "Don't cry, my love." He pressed his lips to mine. I didn't even care that he smelled like a brewery. He kissed me slow and carefully. He may have been drunk but he was in full control. "Let's take off your coat." He helped me off with my coat and hung it on the door. "You get ready for bed. I'm going to the bathroom."

Ian left the room. I was so emotional; I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how much of this conversation he would remember in the morning. He might just blame the whole thing on his drunkenness. The truth be told, he didn't trust me whether he was drunk or sober and Nate was always an issue. I couldn't help but wonder if the roles were reversed how Nate would have handled the situation. I felt like the easiest way to settle this would be to take myself out of the equation. For the first time, I understood Sunny's decision to leave. Ian came back from the bathroom and I was still sitting on the bed fully clothed.

"Aren't you going to get changed?"

"I don't know."

"Wanderer, please, things will look better in the morning. I promise."

I _was_ exhausted. I didn't take my clothes off. I just kicked off my shoes and climbed under the covers. Ian slid in next to me and carefully placed his arm over my waist and buried his face in the back of my neck. "I couldn't take it if you hated me," he whispered. I didn't answer and he didn't say anything else. Eventually I fell asleep.

In the morning I woke before Ian. The fire was nearly out. I got up and tended to the fire. I sat in front of the hearth with my arms folded across my knees. I felt empty inside. I couldn't understand how someone could love me so much and not trust me to be faithful. I never had cold feet before the wedding because I loved Ian so much but now I wondered if I had made a mistake. I sat quietly and the tears ran silently down my cheeks. I heard Ian moving around in the bed but I didn't turn to look at him. I couldn't. He was kneeling behind me now with his hands on my arms. "Are you okay?"

"No." I croaked. I wiped the tears from my face as he turned my body to face him.

"Babydoll, I love you. Don't you know that?" He looked sad.

"Sunny said love is not enough. I think she was right."

"No, no, no. She's wrong. What we have is special."

"You'll never trust me and I'll end up hating you."

"_Do_ you hate me?" He shivered. It wasn't from the cold.

"I hate that you don't trust me. I hate that you believe that Nate is better suited to me than you are. I made my choice and _he_ lives with that every day. You should be thrilled to have me and yet you live as though you've lost. Am I a loss to you?"

He sat next to me and held his head in his hands. "I'm an idiot."

"Ian, I'm sorry. I can't spend my life defending myself to you. It's exhausting."

"You don't have to defend yourself to me anymore. I told you last night. I trust you."

"I don't even know how much of last night you remember."

"I'm not a black out drunk. I only had a few."

"Enough that you were hanging on Holly," I pointed out.

"I wasn't."

"I saw you."

"Are you jealous?"

"Yes, but that's beside the point. We're not talking about Holly, we are talking about Nate."

Ian pointed out. "You see this ring? I don't care if I was obliterated. I am not going to screw up my marriage with the likes of her."

"Well I guess my rings don't mean a thing." I took off my rings and laid them on the dresser.

"Wanderer, you're acting childish."

"And your jealousy of Nate. That's real mature," I shot back.

"Wanderer, I…"

I grabbed a new set of clothes and stormed off to the bathroom. A minute later, Ian entered the bathroom. I was already in the shower.

"Do you mind if I join you?" I knew he wanted to use sex to get back in my good graces. At this point, I didn't want any part of it.

"Ian, please just go away." He didn't argue. He just quietly left the bathroom. After my shower, I put on all my clothes before returning to the bedroom. Ian was outside getting wood. He came in just as I finished pulling my shoes on. "I'm going to the house to help with Jesse," I said solemnly.

"I was going to take a shower," he replied.

"Okay, I'll see you later then." I was eager to get away from Ian and I hated that I felt that way. The only male I wanted in my life right now was little Jesse.

"Won't you wait for me?" he asked.

"Ian, I want to be alone. I'm thinking about sleeping at the house for a while."

He looked stunned. "Where would you sleep? Both rooms are taken."

"On the couch."

"Great, then everyone will know that something is wrong."

"Everyone will figure it out soon enough, but if you want to save your pride, you can tell them I'm staying to help with the baby in the middle of the night so Jared and Mel can get more sleep."

"It's not about my pride. This is your home. You should be here with me." I didn't answer him. I just grabbed my coat and moved towards the door. Ian blocked my progress. "At least kiss me good bye."

"Ian, if I kiss you then you will try to turn it into sex. Sex isn't the answer to this issue. If it was, then we would have been past this a long time ago."

He was frustrated and his voice became louder. "What do you want me to do? I told you I wouldn't bring it up anymore."

"I don't know Ian. I'm….I'm… Please. Just let me go." I leaned up to his face and kissed him on the cheek. Then I rushed out the door before he could see my tears return. I wanted the perfect life with Ian. Was that so much to ask for considering the whole world around us would destroy our love if they knew?

When I reached the house, it was already full of people. Although I wanted to snatch Jesse out of Lily's arms, I went into the kitchen to eat instead. Ice and Heidi were in there eating with a few others. "Hey, Mrs. O'Shea! Where's your old man?"

"Taking a shower." I pulled out some frozen waffles and made myself breakfast. I sat with the group at the table. I didn't have much to say and I only answered questions that were asked of me.

Jeb came in during the course of breakfast and said, "So, how is married life treating you?"

If he only knew. I covered by keeping it simple. "It's fine."

Jeb was shrewd and he picked up on my lack of enthusiasm. "Four days and tired of marriage already?" I didn't want to have this conversation so I looked for a way out.

"I hear Jesse crying," I answered and swiftly bolted to the living room. Everyone was huddled around the baby so I sat dejected in the chair and blindly stared at the TV. I didn't even hear Ian come in until he was standing in front of me.

He kneeled on the floor and spoke audibly. "You forgot to put your rings back on after your shower, my love." He took my hand and slid them back onto my finger. I looked at my hand as he did it and when I looked up he was staring into my eyes. I looked away. He leaned in and kissed me knowing I wouldn't fight him on it in front of all these people. As soon as the kiss was over I looked away from him again. He let go of my hand that he had been holding the whole time and stood up. I stared at his feet. He walked away. He went towards the baby where the majority of the people were gawking at him.

I knocked on Sunny's door. "Can I come in?"

Sunny opened the door and I rushed in and put my hands over my face and began to sob.

"What's wrong?" Kyle wasn't dressed so he couldn't get out of the bed. Sunny got up and put her arms around me.

"Did he hurt you?"

I just shook my head. "I don't know what to do."

"About what?" Sunny implored.

"About my marriage," I muttered through my tears.

Kyle ripped the blankets off the bed and wrapped one around him and came to me. "Talk to me."

"You know he's always been jealous of Nate. I thought once we were married that it would stop but it hasn't. Just the mere mention of his name and Ian is mean and accusing me. He still believes that one day I am going to cheat on him with Nate. I can't take it anymore. His jealousy is destroying our relationship!"

"It will be okay. You're just going through a rough patch," Kyle reassured me.

"You don't get it. I can't keep going through rough patches!" Kyle looked at Sunny.

"Why don't we go see Jesse?" Sunny said as she wiped my tears from my face. "Come on now, the little outlaw is waiting for his godmother." She led me out of the bedroom and directly to Melanie. "Mel, Wanda wants to hold her godson." Melanie looked at me and immediately understood.

"Of course. Here, he's been waiting for you."

"Thank you." I choked out the words. She slid Jesse into my arms. I buried my face in his little body. "Hi, Jesse. I need you right now." I didn't know where Ian went. I was relieved I didn't have to deal with him. I sat with Jesse in my lap for about a half hour before Ian emerged from the bedroom. He obviously had been having a conversation with Kyle. He walked over to the stereo and put on a CD. Then he walked over to me.

"Would you dance with me, my love?" he said softly.

"I can't. I have the baby."

Sunny came out of nowhere. "I'll take him." Sunny volunteered to take Jesse? This was definitely a plot.

She leaned down and scooped him from my lap. Ian took my hand and gently pulled me from my seat. He led me to the open floor and took me in his arms. It would be so easy to forgive him but what would that solve?

He tried to be smooth. "You know I love you more every day."

"Ian, stop."

"Stop what?"

"It's not going to work."

Something inside him snapped. He grabbed my hand and led me to the bathroom. He shut the door behind us and pulled me towards the tub so he could turn on the water.

"Ian, let go of me."

"No, I won't let go of you. I've been putting up with your state of depression all day and we are going to settle this once and for all."

"I don't want to talk about this."

"Well, you're going to. Take off your clothes."

"What? Are you crazy?"

"Like a fox. Now… take….off…your…damn clothes." He was pissed and he was in my face.

"Why?"

"Because you can't leave without them and we _are_ going to talk about this. You can take them off or I will take them off for you." He was serious.

"Okay, just let go of me."

He let go of my hand and stood in front of the door with his arms folded across his chest. I slowly took off my clothes but I left on my bra and panties.

"Get in the tub."

"Why?"

"If you are under the water then I can't see your body and it will be….easier."

"Easier to what? Drown me?"

He sighed. "I haven't made love to you in two days. Okay?"

I slipped off my bra and looked up at him. He lowered his head and had his hand over his eyebrows to keep from watching me. I slipped off my panties and got in the tub.

"Okay, talk."

"Wanderer, do you think our marriage is a mistake?"

I wanted to make myself clear. "I think that if you can't see that we are perfect together then we've made a mistake. You run hot and cold when it comes to Nate. One minute you are literally pushing us together and the next minute you are freaking out because we are dancing together. I feel like a yoyo. You say he's not my errand boy but you had him help you build the house AND you had him deliver our food during our honeymoon."

"He volunteered."

"Exactly. If he gets some kind of personal satisfaction in doing things for me, who am I to stop him?"

"He doesn't have to do _everything_ for you."

"He doesn't. You just act like he does."

"Wanderer I told you I wouldn't bring it up anymore."

"And how long will that last? One day? Two days? A week? And what happens when you do go back on your promise. More fighting? More misery? Why are we putting ourselves through this?"

His chest heaved. "So, you want out?" He pulled off his ring and let it drop to the floor. It rolled out of sight. "I'll stay in the bunkhouse. You won't see me again."

He turned to open the door. Suddenly the anxiety of losing him hit home. "No! Ian, please, I love you."

He stopped dead with his hand on the doorknob. I took the opportunity of his pause to slosh my way out of the tub and I ran to him. I was naked and dripping all over the floor. "Please trust me as much as you say you love me. That's all I want."

He let go of the doorknob and I flung myself into his arms.

"I can't breath." He spoke barely above a whisper.

I looked up at him and he put his hand on the wall to hold himself up. He grabbed at his chest and started to slide down the wall to the floor.

"Ian, are you all right?"

He didn't speak. He just shook his head. He was having trouble catching his breath. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my body. I opened the door.

"GET DOC! Something is wrong with Ian!"

Kyle was in the bathroom in a matter of seconds kneeling next to Ian. "What's wrong, Ian?"

"He can't breath," I cried out in a panic.

"Get a paper bag out of the kitchen," he instructed.

Burns heard him and rushed to the kitchen. He came back moments later with a bag. Kyle held it up to his mouth. "Come on. Breath for me," he said calmly to his brother. Kyle looked at me. "He's having an anxiety attack. Help him relax."

I couldn't believe it. "Has this happened to him before?"

"Only twice that I know of. Once when we lost a championship game and he blamed himself and the other time was when he realized that Mom and Dad had been implanted. You need to help him. Calm him down. Burns, shut the door."

Kyle continued to hold the bag over Ian's face. I took Ian's hand and put it to my face. I kissed his palm. "I love you. I need you." The color had gone out of his face. I was scared to death. "Ian, please breath. I want to go home."

There was a knock on the door. It was Doc. Burns let him in.

"What's wrong?"

Kyle answered. "He's having an anxiety attack."

"I don't have a cure for that. It's emotional. You're doing the right thing. Let me check his blood pressure to be sure." Doc opened his bag and pulled out a cuff. He wrapped it tightly around Ian's ram and began to pump it. He placed the stethoscope to the inside of his elbow. No one spoke while Doc counted and the cuff slowly deflated. Then he grabbed Ian's wrist and stared at his watch while the rest of us were silent.

"He seems to be okay. His color is coming back. Deep breaths Ian."

He pushed the paper bag away from face. "My head hurts," he murmured.

"I can give you 'No Pain' for that."

"No, I'll be alright." He slowly got up from the floor with the help of Kyle and Doc. "I'm okay. Thanks. You can go. Wanderer needs to get dressed."

"Okay, we'll be right outside if you need us," Kyle reassured him.

Kyle, Doc, and Burns all left together. Once we were alone I went to Ian. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. "I'm sorry about that. I just couldn't imagine my life without you."

"Why didn't you take the 'No Pain'?"

"I want to remember this pain, so the next time I feel my jealousy rising I will have real pain to remind me to keep my mouth shut."

"Does your head hurt?"

"Not as much as my heart."

"Do you want to get in the tub with me?"

"No, I want to go home and I want to spend the rest of the day making out with you. I want to make love to you without the sex."

Ian picked up my panties and helped me to put them on. Next he helped with my bra and then my pants and my shirt. I put on my socks and my shoes.

"Ian, your ring! Did you see where it went?"

"No, but it must be here somewhere."

I knelt on the floor and looked in all directions. "There!" I pointed. It had rolled past the Jacuzzi and was lying near the wall with the drawers. I got up and ran to pick it up. I brought it back to Ian who was still clearly _not_ one hundred percent. I slipped it on his finger. "You are my property." I smiled at him.

He took my hand in his and we slowly left the bathroom. Once in the living room, everyone came over to see if he was okay.

"I'm fine. Just a little tired," Ian assured them.

"I'm going to take him home to rest."

On the way back, he held my hand tighter than usual. I was concerned.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, I'm just tired. It's a scary feeling when your chest tightens up and you can't breath."

"Well, you scared me. Why did it happen to you? I mean, why now? We've had lots of fights and breakups before."

"I don't know. I think before….I was still trying to convince you to be mine. I guess…if I had lost you then I would have concluded that you were ever really mine to begin with." He slowed to a stop. "Can we stop a minute?"

"Sure." It was always hard for me to see Ian when he was vulnerable. It brought back the memories of when he had been shot.

"Wanderer, you _are _mine now_. _If I lost you now, I know it would be entirely my fault and I would be devastated. I _was_ devastated when I thought you were going to just let me walk out that door. It was like you were pushing my out of your life. Does that make sense?"

"Yes." I thought about the saying, 'tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.' If you'd never loved you couldn't possibly know the highs and lows of a relationship. It would be living life on a flat line. The way Ice lived before he came be with us. But to live as deeply and passionately as Ian and I had and then face the possibility of losing that; I could completely understand his desolation.

We continued at his pace to the house. Once inside, Ian tended to the fire. I took off my coat and sat on the edge of the bed.

"I can put on something special if you like."

"Honestly, Babe, I just want to hold you, kiss you, and talk about us."

"That's different."

"I want to make things right with you."

He came over and sat next to me on the bed. He brushed the hair away from my face and stared at me. "I love you so much." He put his hand under my chin and tilted his head to kiss me. This kiss was slow and steamy. I could tell he was staying in control.

"Mmmm," I hummed.

"You like that?' he whispered.

"I like all your kisses. You take my breath away."

"Good to know." He smiled. "Lay down with me." We lay on the bed facing each other. He held my hand and kissed each of my fingers.

"Ian?"

"Yes?"

"I want to have a baby."

"You will."

"No, I mean, after seeing little Jesse, I want to get pregnant right away."

He let out a big sigh.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. I just think that you and I need time to love each other and for me to prove to you that I can get past the jealousy thing before we have a baby. Your eighteenth birthday is only three and a half months away. I think we should stick with the original plan. Stay on birth control till your eighteenth birthday."

"Are you sure?"

"You will make a fantastic mother but we need to have a secure relationship first."

That night we never had sex. We just loved each other.

We decided we would leave with the others for the caverns. Our plans to stay for Christmas were scrapped. Ian didn't argue. It was a difficult decision but Ian and I felt it was the best decision. We were leaving the next day because Mel and Jared felt comfortable to travel with the baby now. It had warmed up enough for the snow to melt. Ice would drive the van and Burns would drive the truck and return to the mountain after a few days. Sunny decided to leave the car here since there wasn't any room at the garage by the caverns because we already had a sedan parked there.

That evening as we all sat in the dining hall eating our dinner; Nate came over to our table.

"Hi."

"Hi."

He looked at Ian warily and then spoke. "Wanda, I wanted to give you this a long time ago…..but, things didn't go my way. So, I decided I would give it to you for Christmas. Since you are not going to be here, I thought I'd give it to you now."

He hand me a long small gift wrapped box.

"Nate, you shouldn't have."

"Go ahead, open it."

"Now?"

"Please," he implored.

I looked at Ian. He was silent and he looked uncomfortable. He nodded to me to open it.

I tore the wrapping off the box and opened it. I gasped when I saw it. It was a watch but not just any watch. It was a Bvlgari Alveare. "Oh, Nate! This is too much!" My voice cracked as I spoke.

"When I saw it, I knew it was meant for you."

"I can't take this."

"I can't take it back. Please, it was purchased especially for you."

"Oh. Nate. Thank you!" I hugged him with a true heart felt hug. He held me tightly. "I'll treasure it always."

Nate could see that Ian was taken aback by the sudden burst of emotion. "Well, it's not like it's a house or anything."

I took the watch out of the box and slipped it onto my wrist. I had butterflies. "It's beautiful."

"Like you." I hugged him again. "I'll miss the both of you while you are gone. It's going to be a long cold winter."

"You have Victoria," Ian remarked.

"For now. She and Blake get closer every day. It's only a matter of time before…" he trailed off.

"I thought you didn't love her," I said barely above a whisper.

"I don't. It's just nice having someone when you really need it."

Ian decided to speak up now. "Well, when we get back I'll be putting you right back to work."

"I know you will. You, sir, are a workaholic." Nate smiled at Ian. "Maybe in the spring, we should start up a construction company. You, me, and Burns. We could call it 'Three Guys Construction'."

Ian laughed. "Sounds like a plan."

That night I cried when I hugged Nate good bye. I promised to call him whenever I was 'out and about' but I would miss him terribly. In the back of the truck Ian questioned me about the watch.

"I don't get it."

"You don't get what?"

"You are a soul. You can go out and pick up a watch any old time you want. Why is this watch such a big deal?"

"Let me explain it to you. Back in your day you would say this watch was very expensive because you would have paid a lot of money for it."

"I've never even heard of 'Bvlgari'," Ian said sarcastically.

"Have you heard of Cartier?"

"Yeah."

"How much would a Cartier cost in your day?"

"I don't know, ten…twenty thousand dollars. Only the rich and famous owned them"

"Okay, this watch is comparable to that."

"Still, you're a soul."

"Okay, we don't pay for things but remember how you said we were like a cast system?"

"Yeah."

"Well, the general public can go out and purchase most things, but there are certain items that are available only to the hierarchy. Like the engagement ring you gave me and this watch."

"So, then how did Nate get it?"

"Burns is a seeker. Seekers are higher in the cast system than say a teacher like what I was when I first came here. He can get some of the better things but only so much. Nate obviously knows the system. He picked out top of the line merchandise."

"So, the ring I gave you is expensive?"

"Ian, are you kidding me? This is a one carat diamond and the sapphires are a half carat each. The wedding ring insert has close to a carat worth of diamonds in total weight. You have very good taste for a low maintenance kind of guy."

"So, Burns can get good stuff?"

"We call it privileged. You have to identify yourself and be found in the system to get these 'privileged' items."

"Wait a minute. How did you get the Jimmy Choos?"

"I told them who I was."

"Wait, what?" He was confused.

"I told him I was Pet, daughter of Ember Hollister. My father has the power to get many privileged items."

"How did they know you were telling the truth?"

"Well, besides the fact that souls are known to be truthful, they scanned my face."

"Whoa, you are seventeen! They must be looking all over for you. How did you know you wouldn't be caught?"

Mel looked up. "You're seventeen?"

"Shhhh!" Ian hissed. "Answer me, Wanderer."

"I'm sorry. It was a moment of weakness. They didn't find me. I only did it the one time. I always use an alias."

"Oh my god! I could have lost you over Jimmy Choos?"

"I'm sorry. I won't do it again. I promise."

He pulled me into his arms. "You're killing me. You know that?"

"It's a really nice watch."

"Yes, it is."

Mel interjected once more. "You're seventeen?"

Everyone on the back of the truck was staring at us.

"I'm almost eighteen," I said meekly.

"And she's still my wife," Ian said boldly. "And I'll love her when she's a hundred and seventeen."

No one dared make a comment. The rest of the trip Ian and I were inseparable.


	44. Chapter 44

**So, I guess the last chapter wasn't very good because the reviews were rather sparse. So I guess you all want some real drama. Well, here goes. I hope I hear from you.**

GOOD NEWS, BAD NEWS

WE STAYED AT THE CAVERNS until after my birthday. Ian and I worked hard on our relationship. His jealousy was easier to control simply because Nate wasn't there. He never made an issue of the watch and I wore it every day unless I was working in the garden. When I went on trips to get food or other supplies Ian always told me to say 'Hi' to Nate for him because he knew I would be calling him. Tom and Maggie decided to stay at the mountain because the accommodations suited them better. They set up permanent residence in the bunkhouse. They enjoyed the company of Maria and Max and Miranda. Kyle and Ian missed them terribly and sometimes they would take a phone and run out to the garage to talk to them.

I spent as much time with Jesse as I could. He was such a good baby. We proclaimed Friday nights, 'date night' for Mel and Jared. Ian and I took Jesse overnight so they could be alone together. We loved it as much as they did. We were getting pretty good at diapering and bathing and all the things parents should know how to do for their baby. Even Sunny would come around and hold him for long periods of time.

Ian and I worked hard but we played hard too. The sex was often physical and a few times during our play fights Ian hurt me without meaning to. Those led to real fights. Oh yeah, we still fought. It was always the little things like who is leading who on the dance floor or whose turn it was to pick a movie. The main thing was we never went to bed mad. Our love became stronger with each passing day.

On my eighteenth birthday, Sunny and Ian threw me a 'Big Girl' bash. They got me trashed. I have no idea what happened after eleven o'clock that night but they joked me about it for days.

Finally, April came and it was time to head back to the mountain. The last of the snows had fallen and spring was in the air. We took the van. It was me and Ian, Lily and Jamie, who were desperate to see Burns and Megan, and Kyle and Sunny. They were coming up for a week to spend time with Tom and Maggie and then they would take the van back to the caverns.

We got there late as usual. Tom and Maggie were waiting up for us which surprised us. The others were not a surprise; Burns, Megan, and of course Nate. Ian and Kyle both ran to their parents. Burns ran to Lily, Megan to Jamie. Nate walked slowly to me not knowing how I would react. I walked to him slowly as well. When we got about a foot apart I threw my arms out to welcome him. He stepped forward and hugged me cradling my head in his hand.

"I missed you so much," he whispered in my ear.

"It's good to be home," I whispered back. I had never called the mountain home before but it truly was.

Ian came slowly up behind us. "I hope you missed me that much."

Nate released me and went to Ian. He threw his arm around him and patted him on the back. "Are you kidding? I've been bored to death without you here."

"How are things with Victoria?" Ian asked.

"Unfortunately, that ship has sailed. I'm stuck dreaming about your wife again."

Ian sighed. "You really didn't need to tell me that." Ian put his arm around me and kissed me on the forehead. "Have you been in the house?"

"No. I asked Maria and Kim if they would make it…livable again. Tonight you can sleep in the house or the bunkhouse; however you and Kyle decide to do it. I had Burns go into town for some firewood. It's still in the back of the truck. It rained yesterday and today and I'm afraid the truck will sink if we drive her through the ball field."

"Yeah, I may have to transport it by wheelbarrow."

Nate sighed. "Well, I'm going to go to bed." He turned to me. "Good night Beautiful."

"Good night Nate," I trilled.

We went to the bunkhouse and bedded in the empty room with the two queen size beds. As we settled in to go to sleep, I kissed Ian and said. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"You handled tonight well."

"I'm trying. I promise you it isn't easy."

"I know it isn't. Can I tell you something?"

"What?"

"I took my last pill four days ago at the caverns. I'm ready."

He leaned in and kissed me. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For loving me enough to want to have my baby."

The next few months were busy ones. Baseball practice started two days after we arrived. The kids were anxious to start practice and were thrilled to have their 'coach' back.

The 'Three Guys Construction' crew was busy working on the rest of the house. The kitchen was the room I wanted completed the most. I wanted to cook dinners for the guys like a real wife.

I spent a lot of time dancing in the afternoons when school was out. Priscilla was very interested in learning from me. Kim often joined in our sessions and even Sarah and Megan showed up sporadically. Sarah was more interested than Megan mainly because Jamie was spending the summer on the mountain. He slept in the bunkhouse and Tom and Maggie became his temporary guardians. They were much stricter on him than I was.

Lily only stayed a week and left with Sunny and Kyle. They promised to return in June and said they would stay for a month.

I didn't miss the caverns. There was so much to do here. I _did_ miss Jesse. I was sad to think that I would miss him crawling for the first time and his first tooth. Sometimes I would go off alone and think about him. Ian always picked up on my mood and he would come to me and say, "It's only a matter of time before you have a son of your own." 'A little Ian' I would say and smile at the thought.

Nate and I hung out in the evenings. Sometimes we would play pool. Our latest fad was Scrabble. He was smart as a whip but scrabble was my game. It was always a battle down to the last piece. Ian handled our camaraderie with grace. Nate would sometimes grab me and give me 'nouggies'. I would break free and run away and he would chase me. Sometimes we would run round and round the table where Ian was trying to play poker and Ian would yell at us like he was our father. "If you two don't stop, I'm going to separate you!"

We would respond with "Yes, Dad!" and we'd run back to our table laughing.

Every night I would tell Ian how much I loved him and that I was proud of his restraint and that I was proud to be his wife.

In June, Kyle, Sunny, and Lily returned to the mountain. My dance class suddenly doubled in size. With two of my three closest friends on the mountain, I was in heaven. We hung out all the time. In the evenings, Nate had to share me with them. We took to playing Yahtzee and Mexican Train Dominoes. Ian sometimes gave up his poker game to play with us. Kyle and Sunny seemed very happy.

One evening the phone rang. It was Melanie. "It's official. Jared asked me to marry him!"

I yelled out to the whole room. "Melanie and Jared are getting married!" I returned to the receiver. "When?"

"We were thinking early September."

"Awesome. We'll be there although you know you could have the wedding here. I'm sure Nate would welcome everyone if you had it here at the mountain."

"We aren't as close to all the people like you and Ian, besides then some at the cavern wouldn't be able to come."

"Well, it's just a thought. I love you and I'm extremely happy to hear your good news."

As I hung up the phone, Nate raised his eyebrow to me. "What if I had said 'No'?"

"Oh, please. Have you ever said 'no' to me? Ever?"

"She's got you there," Ian remarked.

"Look who's talking," Nate countered.

"Hey, I've said 'no' to her plenty of times. Why do you think we fight all the time?"

"Good point." I was in agreement with Ian. "Maybe you should say 'yes' more often like Nate here." I put my arm around Nate's neck and smiled at Ian.

"Nate says yes because he doesn't have to live with you." He turned to Nate. "You know she's very high maintenance."

"I can handle that," Nate answered quickly.

"_You,_ are not going to handle anything. Friends, forever. Remember?" Ian said snidely.

This was the first sign I had seen of Ian's jealousy rising to the surface. I decided to quash it quickly.

"Ian, one of the things I love most about you is that you are no pushover. I respect you for having boundaries when it comes to me. Besides, everyone knows there's only one Superman." I turned to Nate. "Sorry, Nate."

"Yeah, I'm used to being Robin."

"That would make Ian Batman not Superman!" Ian and I tried to suppress our laughter but Nate saw through us.

"So, I don't know anything about superheroes. It's okay, it's funny." We all laughed.

That night Ian was amorous. It was a very warm night and I wasn't wearing anything except a silky white camisole and matching panties. Ian rolled me onto my back in the bed and began to kiss me. He started with his hand on my cheek and he traveled with his lips and his hand to my neck and then to my breasts.

"Ow, be careful!" I moaned.

He stopped and looked at me. "What's wrong?"

"My breasts are killing me!"

"You know? I thought your breasts looked rather voluptuous lately." He caressed my breasts softly and watched my face for any sign of disapproval. Then he stopped. "Wait a minute. When's the last time you had your period?"

"In April, after we got here."

"You didn't have it in May?"

"No, but I've been late before."

"How late _are_ you?"

"Three weeks, give or take."

"Babe, you're pregnant."

"You think so? I'm not throwing up or even nauseated."

"Not everyone has morning sickness. Tomorrow, go to town and pick up a pregnancy test."

"I will."

"I love you," he cooed.

"I love you too." Ian leaned in and kissed me with the slow burn kiss. He parted my lips with his tongue and caressed my tongue with his before nibbling my lips which always did something to me physically. Then he made love to me.

In the morning, as usual, Ian was up and working with the boys on the house. They were working in the kitchen installing the countertops and the sink now that the plumbing was in place. After I dressed and primped I skipped into the kitchen.

"I'm going to town. Does anyone need anything while I'm there?"

"Just your safe return," Nate exclaimed. Nate always said the right thing.

I went to Ian and kissed him good bye. "Wish me luck," I whispered in his ear.

"You don't need it. I know I'm right."

I went to Burns and kissed him on the cheek and then I went to Nate and I kissed him quickly on the lips which took him by surprise. I hadn't kissed him on the lips since I married Ian.

"What was that for?" He looked at Ian unsure of his reaction.

Ian responded. "For luck."

"She needs luck?" Nate asked obviously confused by the whole thing.

"I don't think she needs any luck but _she_ thinks she does." Ian clarified to Nate.

"Oh, well, okay…good luck, Beautiful!"

I took Sunny's car. It was less conspicuous than the truck. I had stopped by a few times to see Fluttering since I was back and I didn't want anything to keep me from accomplishing my mission today. Luckily, Sunny was still asleep. I didn't want to bring her with me because I didn't want anyone else to know until I was positive of the outcome.

When I got back, I ran all the way home. I felt that if I was pregnant I should feel different and I didn't with the exception of my breasts. Running the mile and a half to the house was easy for me. I came in quietly and snuck past the kitchen without being seen and headed straight to the bathroom. I read the instructions and did what it said. I placed the stick on the sink and sat on the toilet with my arms wrapped around my knees. I just stared at it. After five minutes the '+' sign was obvious. I was pregnant. I picked up the stick and held it behind my back. My knees were shaking as I walked to the kitchen. Ian was under the sink.

"Ian?"

"Yeah, Babe?"

"Can you come out from under there please?"

I don't know if it was the tone of my voice but he scooted out from under that sink faster than water washing down a drain. I tried not to tremble or show the emotions I was feeling.

He stood squarely in front of me with his feet spread apart to bring his center of gravity closer to my level. He looked into my eyes. "Give it to me straight."

I smiled meekly as I pulled the stick from behind my back. "You were right."

He bent his knees, grabbed me around the hips and scooped me off the floor. He danced around the kitchen with me high in the air. Poor Burns and Nate didn't have a clue as to what was going on until Ian blurted out. "We're pregnant!"

"You mean I'm going to be an uncle?" Nate exclaimed.

"You mean _I'm_ going to be an uncle," Burns corrected him.

"You're _both_ going to be uncles," I clarified to them.

"I love you Babe."

"I love you too."

Ian put me down and Nate immediately came over. He pulled me tightly into a hug and squeezed. "Congratulations. I'm happy for you." He released me. "Now if you just name him Nathan," he joked.

"Nate you know I love you but this baby is going to be an Ian Thomas O'Shea Jr."

"What if it's a girl?"

"It's not."

"I wouldn't mind a daughter as long as she is like you," Ian stated emphatically and then he pressed is lips to mine.

The news spread quickly through the mountain. Kyle was thrilled for us but he also seemed just a little sad. Sunny was harder to read. She seemed genuinely happy for us but I couldn't help but wonder if she felt pressured by our news. When I called the caverns, no one answered. I had to wait until Melanie called to check on Jamie. She was ecstatic over the good news. There would only be a year between our babies give or take a month or two.

I called and made an appointment with my doctor who referred me to an obstetrician. She determined that my due date was January seventh. I was two and a half months pregnant. I didn't have a bit of nausea or morning sickness and I was happy about it.

Ian tried to keep me from playing baseball but I refused to be treated any differently. Of course, we fought about it. I told him he couldn't stop me from playing and he said he could.

"Ian, I am not an invalid."

"What if you get hit by a ball?"

"That's ridiculous. What if you push me off the bed?"

"I'm not going to do that."

"What if I trip over a rock and fall?"

"That's stupid."

"No, you're stupid. It's my body and I'll do what I want with it."

"Wanderer, listen to your husband!"

"Oh, is that an order?"

He could see I was really about to go off. He thought better of it. "No. Wanderer, I just want what's best for you."

"I want to live my life as normal as possible for as long as I can. I don't want to get fat and out of shape."

He gave in. "Okay, you can play…for now."

"Thank you."

The next month was pretty routine except that all the males on the mountain went out of their way to make life easy for me. It was sickening.

Then one day, life on the mountain changed…for everyone.

We were having a baseball game. As usual, it was Ian's team against Nate's team. Neither one of them chose me to play which just infuriated me. Apparently, Ian had gotten to Nate. I was sitting on the bench sulking. As with any game, there was lots of noise especially when a good hit was made. Jamie needed to go to the bathroom but he didn't want to go all the way to the cave so he walked off into the woods to relieve himself. A minute later he came running back yelling.

"There are two guys out there watching us!"

Ian's team was on the bench. He stood up immediately. "Humans?"

"I don't think so. They were wearing uniforms."

"Show us." Jamie, Ian, Kyle, Blake, and Evan took off towards the woods.

Nate and Burns ran in from the field.

"What's going on?" Burns asked.

"Jamie said he saw two people watching us and he didn't think they were humans."

"Oh, crap." Burns and Nate took off running.

I was scared. I didn't know what was happening. Eventually they came back. Ian and Kyle had a man trapped between them. They were dragging him towards us. Ian spoke. "We got this one but the other one got away. They were surveying the land. This is not good. We need to prepare for the worst."

The man they were holding was shaking.

"We don't want to hurt you," I said to the man.

"Wanderer, he is not your concern," Ian said coldly.

"Ian, look at him. He's scared to death."

"And what about all of us? Do you think we're not scared to death?" he argued.

I started to cry because I _was_ scared.

Nate took the prisoner by the arm on Ian's side. "Go to her," he instructed Ian.

Ian let go of the prisoner and walked to me and engulfed me in his arms. "I'm sorry Babe. I love you. I'm just scared that our world is coming to an end just when it was beginning." He kissed the top of my head.

Nate ordered everyone to go to the caves until further notice.

"I need to think. We need to get the prisoner to the root cellar. I want to see Ian and Burns, Kyle, Tom, and Rob in the game room." He turned to Victoria. "Will you guard the prisoner?"

Victoria stepped up to Nate. "No problem."

Blake argued. "She's a girl!"

Nate addressed Blake. "She shot Ian at fifty yards and nearly killed him. I'm pretty sure she can take care of the likes of him."

"If you don't mind, I'd like to stand guard with her."

Nate stared at Blake and Blake stared right back. "Fine," Nate growled. Without looking away from Blake he said. "Tom, will you get two guns from the arsenal?"

Tom, Nate's brother in law, left the scene without a word.

"Maggie and Tom, will you watch Jamie and Danny?"

"Of course, Maggie exclaimed.

"What about me?" I asked although I was hell bent on going to the game room.

"And me?" Sunny asked. We were souls. We didn't belong in the cave and they knew it.

"You take Sunny and go home," Ian ordered.

"No, I'm going with you," I protested.

"Wanderer, why can't you just do what I ask?"

"I want to stay with you. We are a team."

Sunny added. "You need us. We may be able to help."

"That's right. Remember, my father is a man of position."

Nate looked at Ian. "We haven't got all day. They might be helpful." Nate was my 'yes' man. I could always depend on him to get my way and he _was_ the leader.

Ian sighed. "Okay, but, you sit quietly while we figure this out."

"I promise."

Ian put his hand on my baby bump. "How are you feeling?"

I put my hand on his. "I'm okay."

The prisoner was staring at us but he didn't say a word. We all walked together towards the root cellar.

Nate addressed the prisoner. "Do you have a name?"

"Eli," he answered.

"Well, Eli. We sure do wish you hadn't seen us. You and your friend have gotten us into quite a pickle. We are going to have to lock you up. The accommodations aren't the best but it's the best we can do under the circumstances. We do not intend to harm you but know this. If you attempt to escape, Victoria _will_ shoot you without a second thought."

They escorted Eli into the root cellar. After a few minutes Burns and Nate came back out and locked the door. We left Victoria and Blake guarding the door waiting for Tom's return with the guns.

On the way back to the game room I spoke up. "Nate you need to try to call Ice. They should know what is going on."

Nate pulled out his cell phone and dialed Ice's number. To Nate's surprise Ice answered the phone. "Ice?"… "We've got serious trouble."…"We've been spotted by two souls. They were surveying the land next to the ball field. We were all there playing a game. They saw all of us. We caught one but the other got away. It's only a matter of time before they come for us."…"I don't know."…"You need to tell Jeb. He needs to call us so we can figure out what to do."…"It's dangerous for all of us."…"Okay, thanks. I appreciate that."…"Good bye." He hung up the phone.

"He was on a food run. He said he'll head straight back. He said he would come if we needed him."

"Ice is a good guy," I responded.

"He is," Ian agreed.

Once in the game room we all sat down.

Nate took control. "The first thing we need to do is figure out what Burns is going to say because they _will_ call him."

Burns spoke. "I can't very well tell them that you were all my prisoners. I mean we were playing baseball."

Kyle spoke. "We've got a hostage. That should be good for something."

Nate paced back and forth with his arms folded across his chest for several minutes. "Okay." He spoke out loud although he was really talking to himself, turning his thoughts over in his own head. "Souls are afraid that we are violent, so…the first thing we need to do is let them know that we are peaceful. We need to try and set up a meeting instead of a battle."

He continued. "If we could just convince them that both races can live together in harmony, we might have a chance."

Ian spoke up. "Well, Wanderer and I are married and pregnant. That should prove to them the possibilities."

Kyle added. "Sunny and I are a couple as well."

Burns objected. "I don't know if I want to drag Lily into this."

Sunny interjected. "Why don't we let Lily make that decision?"

I agreed. "Yes, everyone should have free will to make their own choices."

"Okay. We'll ask Ice and Heidi as well. He said he would come if we needed him. Maybe Heidi will come too."

Nate turned to Burns. "When they call, try to explain, the best way that you can. Let them know that we are a peace loving community on the mountain made up of both humans and souls. Ask if we can set up a meeting on the ball field between them and us. Try to give us a few days so we can get Ice and Heidi up here."

"Should we tell them who my father is?"

"Hmmm. Ian, what do you think?"

Burns spoke before Ian could. "They are less likely to come at us if they know we have the child of a person of position with us."

"Okay, it's settled then. Let them know that among us we have the daughter of Ember Hollister. Make it _very _clear to them that she is here of her own volition."

Kyle spoke. "Maybe we should try to get Doc and Candy up here as well, just in case."

"I'll ask," Nate responded.

"In the mean time I think we need to get as much non-perishable food into the cave as possible," Ian suggested.

"I agree," Nate said.

Tom scared the hell out of all of us when he entered the room. We had forgotten that he went to get the guns for Victoria and Blake.

"Sorry," he said as he entered.

Nate filled him in on the meeting thus far.

"We are going to need armed guards in several positions with phones." Tom remarked.

"Good point," Nate agreed.

I spoke. "We have three, no, four cell phones here. Burns needs his in case they call. You can use mine." I pulled it from my pocket and placed it on the table.

"And here's mine." Sunny placed her phone on the table as well.

"Okay, starting immediately, we will have two on lookout about a half mile down the road. He turned to Rob. Do you remember where we used to sit before Burns became a part of us? We used to watch for his return when he was away."

"Yes, I remember."

"Okay, Rob and Kyle take a phone and a couple of guns and set up at the lookout. When it gets dark Ian and I will relieve you. In the morning, Burns, you and Tom relieve us."

"Hold on," Ian objected. "I'm sorry. I'd rather go now with Rob if you don't mind. My reasons are selfish. I want to sleep with my wife tonight and when I'm not able to be with her I want Nate by her side. He loves her as I do and I know he would protect her with his life."

A huge lump appeared in my throat. Ian and Nate looked at each other. It was a look of trust and understanding that two men in combat fighting side by side might share. I didn't want to cry but the thought of losing these two men who I loved so much was too much to bear. I sat at the table my vision completely blurred by the tears I was trying to hold in my eyes. I couldn't fathom living another thousand years with their destruction in my heart, with the loneliness. These two perfect men. I ran out of the room. I needed air. I couldn't breath. My throat hurt. I faced the building and sobbed.

Ian came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. "We'll work this out," he whispered.

"How? They'll take both you and Nate from me and all my friends. I'll be sent somewhere far away and spend the next thousand years trapped with the memories of the men I loved. I'd rather shred my brain."

"Please, Wanderer. Don't do anything rash. Promise me you won't. Not as long as there is a glimmer of hope that I still breathe." He turned me towards him. "Listen to me." He lowered his body to my level and stared into my eyes. He took my chin in his hand. "Even if they catch me and put a soul into my body. I will fight for you. I will never stop. The way Melanie drove you to obsession to be with Jared. I will do that one thousand fold. Do you understand?"

I nodded because I couldn't speak.

"I love you." He held me and he cried too. He tried to back away but I wouldn't let go. "I have to go," he whispered.

I walked with him back into the game room. He guided me to Nate. "Take care of her."

"Like she was my own," Nate assured him.

Ian picked up the 'glock' that my Seeker had used to kill Wes. It sent a shiver down my spine. My loving Ian was once again a killing machine. Rob had a shotgun.

"Grab something to drink out of the kitchen before you go and anything else you'll need," Nate said with authority.

"I'll make sandwiches," I offered.

"It's okay. We'll be fine," Ian assured me.

"No, I have to do something. Please let me do this."

Nate nodded at Ian. "Okay, but hurry," Ian answered.

I rushed to the kitchen leaving everyone behind. I pulled things out of the fridge blindly. "I made four sandwiches for them and packed a bag of chips, two bottled waters and a large bottle of apple juice."

Ian came into the kitchen as I was finishing. "I gotta go." He pulled me into his arms and kissed me passionately. I could feel the gun tucked into his waistband against my chest. "Thank you for the food. I love you Wanderer," he grabbed the bag and rushed out the back door. I slumped into the kitchen chair and sobbed.

11


	45. Chapter 45

**Not much to say….**

**I haven't been hearing from very many of you.-NL**

PAIN

NATE CAME IN AFTER A FEW MINUTES and pulled me to my feet. He hugged me as I cried. He whispered in my ear. "Come on now, all these tears can't be good for the baby."

Nate kept me by his side for the entire day. Wherever he went, I went with him. I was with him in the cave when he delivered his speech to the rest of the clan as to the plans they were implementing. It had been decided that the bunkhouse bathroom would be safer to use than the house because it was closer to the cave. Sunny and I packed up food into boxes in the kitchen with Nate and Kyle. At four o'clock, Nate decided to attempt to take a nap since he had the overnight with Kyle. The four of us went to the bunkhouse together and lay in the two beds. Nate wrapped his arms around me.

He chuckled. "I finally get to sleep with you." He took a deep breath. "You smell so good, I could eat you."

"Nate, Ian put his trust in you."

"Thanks for the reminder," he said sullenly. "I guess I'll have to settle for snuggling."

Being pregnant I often found myself taking naps during the day. All the tears I had shed tired me out and I fell asleep quickly.

When I woke up, Nate was sitting on the side of the bed speaking to Burns.

"What if they don't call?" Burns said.

"They'll call. I would call. They are probably waiting for the signal from a higher up"

I sat up. "Did you sleep?" I asked Nate.

"Yes. I woke up about fifteen minutes ago. It was very comforting sleeping with you. Thank you."

It was dark outside. Kyle and Sunny were gone. "Did Kyle sleep?"

"They went into the house in the bedroom. I guess they felt more comfortable there. I peeked in and they were still sleeping. I figured I'd let Kyle sleep for a while longer. Ian and Rob will be okay," Burns replied. He flashed a smile. "Ian called a little while ago. I told him you were asleep with Nate."

"Oh, no. You didn't."

"He was happy that you were able to sleep. He's concerned about you and the baby."

"We should eat," Nate announced.

"I'm not hungry."

"Mrs. O'Shea, your husband trusted me to take care of you. If he finds out you are not eating who do you think he's going to blame?"

"Okay, I hear you."

The three of us headed into the house to scrounge up something for dinner. While we were there, I duplicated the food I had packed for Ian and Rob. "Where is Lily?"

"She's in the cave with Jamie and Megan. I told her I would get her when

I was ready to sleep."

I thought about the fact that Tori had been on guard duty all day as well. "And what about Victoria and Blake?"

"Evan and Carl will be locked in with the prisoner tonight," Nate said with authority.

"His name is Eli," I reminded Nate.

"Right." Nate shook his head in agreement. "Well, we fed him already and he's been to the bathroom. Does that meet with your approval Mrs. O'Shea?"

I smiled at Nate. "Yes, thank you."

The phone rang. Burns looked at the number. "It's Ian." He picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Okay."…"Good."…"Yes, Nate and Kyle will be leaving later. Kyle is still sleeping."…"Got it."…"Bye."

"There's a police car coming up the road. Turn out the lights."

Nate ran and turned off the light in the living room and Burns got the light in the kitchen. As the car pulled up the road it turned a spotlight on the house. They didn't stop but passed slowly and kept on going up the hill. No one else lived up there but it is where the surveyors had gone. I clung to Nate in the darkness. He leaned against the sink and pulled his fingers through my hair in silence. We waited for the car to go up the road and then turn around and come back. The car passed us again with its lights on the house but thankfully it didn't stop.

Nate pulled out his phone and called Ian. "They should be passing you any moment now."…"Okay, bye."

"They passed. We can eat now."

There was leftover spaghetti sauce in the fridge. I threw it on the stove and made the spaghetti. As soon as it was ready we sat at the table and ate it quickly. We put aside a bowl each for Kyle and Sunny. Burns left to go retrieve Lily, Evan, and Carl from the cave. Nate and I sat alone in the living room. We turned on the news to see if there was anything about us. Luckily, there wasn't.

Nate spoke. "You know we are going to be all right. I have to believe that."

"I wish I could be as positive as you."

"Worst case scenario. They catch us and implant us. I'm not giving up my brain that easily. Whoever gets me will be stuck with my obsession for you. I mean it's pleasant, don't get me wrong, but eventually he's going to have to find you or he'll go insane."

"That's a sweet thought, but I'm afraid they won't bother implanting any of you. My fear is they will just destroy you all and call it a loss. As for me, they will rip me out of this body and send me somewhere far away and by the time…I get there…you all will have been dead for hundreds of years and I will have to live with that horrible memory. I couldn't. I'll shred this brain and pray that I die before they can save me."

Nate took my hand is his. "It won't be like that," he assured me. "We are an anomaly. We are too important a discovery to destroy. We're like a science experiment. That is the direction I will try to impose on them."

"Would you want to live like a science experiment?"

"As a human, here, on our mountain? Sure. It's better than destruction."

I placed my hand on his face. "Nate, I hope you are right. I love you."

"I love you too. I've loved you almost since the moment I met you," he said as he pulled my hand from his cheek and kissed my palm. My heart was beating very fast. It had been a long time since I had allowed my feelings for Nate to surface. My mind immediately went back to the last time he kissed me. I was afraid he might try to kiss me again. Afraid, because I knew if he did that I wouldn't fight him.

Kyle came out of the bedroom. "What time is it?"

His entrance had broken the spell and the moment passed.

I looked at my watch. "It's nine thirty. Is Sunny awake?"

"Yes, she's the one who woke me."

"We saved dinner for you." I micro waved their plates and served them in the living room. After they ate, Nate and Kyle geared up for the night.

"Wait for Ian and Rob in the game room," Nate instructed us.

Kyle kissed Sunny good bye. Nate hugged me and kissed me on the forehead. "Love you," Nate said quietly as he pulled away.

Ian and Rob returned after eleven. Obviously they had spent some time talking to Nate and Kyle before returning. Sunny and I were playing cards but we were really not paying a whole lot of attention. We didn't really talk much because as souls we both knew what the potential outcome of all this would be. Burns and Lily went to bed in the bunkhouse. No one was sleeping in the house tonight. As soon as Ian came through the door, I flung myself out of my seat and into his arms. I put my hands on his face and kissed him repeatedly. I didn't want to waste one minute of my time left with him.

Ian, Sunny, and I went to the bunkhouse. We asked Sunny to sleep in the same room with us so she wouldn't have to sleep alone but she refused. She didn't want to impose on what little 'alone' time we had left.

That night Ian made love to me and we both cried through most of it.

In the morning, Burns woke us early because his phone was ringing. He came into the room and shook Ian awake. "Yes, I am Seeker Burns Living Flowers."…"Yes."…"Yes."…"Yes."…"They live on my property with me."…"We live peacefully."…"Yes." He hung up.

"They are doing the primary investigation. Based on what I have told them, they are turning it over to the government. Someone will be calling shortly."

We all sat there and stared at the phone. When it finally rang we all jumped. "It's Nate."

He answered the phone. "Yeah, they just called."…"They are turning it over to the military. I'm waiting on a call."…"Sure, I'll call you as soon as I hear."…"Bye."

Ian sighed. "We might as well get them out of the root cellar."

Sunny, Lily, and I took turns in the bathroom. When it was Lily's turn, the phone rang. Burns answered. "Hello?"…"Yes, this is Seeker Burns Living Flowers."…"Hello, Colonel Jeffries."…"Yes, sir."…"No, sir."…"I did, Sir. I just didn't turn them over to the authorities. I rehabilitated them and they live here in peace."…"I'm sorry, Sir. I don't feel that a race that has fought as hard as these humans should be disposed of."…"I am not alone in my views. There are other souls who live here as well."…"No, they do not guard the humans. As a matter of fact, each of us is mated with a human."…"No, Sir. I am not pulling your leg. We live in harmony as one clan, both human and soul."…"Yes, Sir. A meeting is what we were hoping for."…"One of our souls is out of town at the moment. He is due to return in two days."…"We would appreciate that."…"Yes, he will be driving a white van. He won't stop for your men. I appreciate if you leave orders to let him through."…"Yes, we have seen the squad car."…"No, we have weapons. If we had wanted to do harm we could have easily picked off the officers. We want a peaceful meeting."…"I understand."…"Sir? I wanted you to know that the souls who live here are here of their own volition. One of these souls is the daughter of Ember Hollister. He is a man of position."…"Yes, Sir. We look forward to it."…"Good bye."

He hung up the phone and hung his head. "I only hope what I said will be enough."

"When are they coming?" Ian asked.

"They will be coming tomorrow to set up their camp but the meeting is the day after when the Colonel gets here."

"Well, I guess all we can do now is wait," Ian surmised.

Ian picked up the gun and took it with him to the root cellar. They were already awake. "Rise and shine. We're going into the house. The ladies will cook breakfast. We should be okay until tomorrow."

Eli was tied to Ian with a rope just as Ice had been. My phone rang. Carl had it in the root cellar with him. He handed it to me. "Hello?"

"Hey, I wanted to let you know that I'm almost halfway there."

"Ice? Okay, I'll tell Nate."

"Yeah, the sedan drives much smoother than the van."

"Wait you didn't take the van?"

"No, Jeb said if it came down to worst case scenario they would need the van."

"You had better call Burns. He needs to know you have the sedan instead of the van."

"Sure, I wanted to talk to him anyway."

"Okay."

I hung up the phone. "Crap."

"What?" Carl asked.

"Burns spoke to some Colonel and he told him that Ice was out of town and requested for him to be allowed to pass when he comes. He told him he would be in a white van. Jeb made him take the sedan instead."

"Well that's just ducky," Carl said sarcastically.

We entered the house and Carl, Evan, and Eli took turns using the bathroom to get cleaned up while Sunny, Lily, and I cooked everyone breakfast. We made scrambled eggs and toast. We didn't feel that extravagance was on the menu with all the rest of the clan stuck in the cave eating cereal and peanut butter and jelly for breakfast.

Ian, Sunny, and I sat at the kitchen table with Eli. I decided to make conversation. It might be good to get to know him and maybe he would understand us.

"Eli? Do you have family?" I asked.

He seemed reluctant to answer. "Yes."

"You're married with kids?"

He didn't answer.

"Ian and I just got married last year. We were hoping to start a family."

He looked at me. "What are you, twelve?"

"I'm eighteen thank you, but my soul has been to nine planets."

This interested him. "Is that a fact?"

"It is. In nine planets I've never found love like I have here." Ian stared at the table.

"Why him?" he asked.

"I don't know. I guess he's my 'soul mate'." I chuckled. "He's the one entity who's loved me as a soul and not just for the human form I possess."

"How can you know that?"

"Well, besides the fact that he's seen me in my true form, he's also offered himself as a host if the body I possess should fail before his own."

He looked at Ian. "You can't mean it."

My hand lay on the table. Ian reached out and interlaced the tips of his fingers in mine. "Please don't underestimate me, ever." He shot Eli a determined look.

"Okay, I just never thought…"

Ian cut him off. "You mean you never considered it."

"True. To answer your question, I am married and I have two children; a boy and a girl."

"Did you implant them immediately?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"It just seemed like the right thing to do."

Ian again put in his two cents. "Again you never considered raising a human child. Tell me, how would you feel if someone came along and tore your whole world apart?"

"You sorta have," he remarked.

"Maybe so, but at the end of this you will be returned to your family and your normal life. My life, our lives here on the mountain are probably doomed."

"Ian please don't say that," I pleaded.

"You know what sucks? I fought so hard to be the kind of man you wanted me to be, to let go of my jealousy, and for what?" He slammed his fist down on the table. Both Eli and I jumped.

Nate came through the kitchen door at that moment. "Good morning all!"

"Nate, would you watch Eli please?"

I untied Ian and pulled him out of the room and into the bedroom. He leaned with his forehead up against the closed door. "I wanted a life with you, Wanderer." He punched his fist into the door.

"Don't give up Ian. Yesterday when I told you that I wanted to shred my brain you begged me not to give up. Now, I'm begging you."

"If you weren't in my life, I would be out there fighting like hell. Death wouldn't mean a thing. Now, I'm scared of death. Being without you in life _or_ death is just scary."

"I know. Nate thinks this will work out. He has a plan. We need to believe in him. He's the master schemer." Ian closed his eyes and pointed his face towards the ceiling. "I don't know if there's a god but if there is, now is the time to look down and help us. Do you want this race you created to die out?"

He held me in his arms. "I'm sorry I lost it. I know I need to be strong."

"We can be strong together."

That day the squad car passed the house about every hour. Nate called another meeting at the cave. He planned where those with the guns would be positioned for optimum coverage during the meeting. He maintained that we were not looking for a fight and that killing anyone would only be a last resort. Victoria insisted on having the rifle with the scope. Several of them went on top of the cave and found the spots they wanted to be in. The elderly and the children were to stay in the cave in case they rushed us. Those to be interviewed would stay within sight of the opposing group.

That night I had the most horrible nightmare and my screaming woke up Ian. "Babydoll, it was only a dream. It's okay, I'm here."

He pulled me to his chest. "It was horrible," I cried. "I dreamt that every one of the humans was implanted with a soul. I dreamt that they put me into the body of a newborn and that by the time I was old enough to find you, you had given up on me and the soul who inhabited you had married another."

He didn't know what to say. There was the distinct possibility that it could very well happen. Finally, he croaked. "My memory of you will never fade."

We both cried until we fell back to sleep.

In the morning, there was a lot of action on the road. Military vehicles drove past the house to where the road ended and parked. Ian was on lookout duty and he said they counted ten vehicles filled with military personnel. They had a ton of fire power. He told Nate that if it came down to a fight we would have no chance in hell of surviving.

They set up in the woods just off of the property that belonged to Burns. There was a lot of hammering going on. They were obviously setting up tents and the like. We could hear them but we couldn't see them. We were sure they were watching us.

Ice pulled into the driveway in the late afternoon. He had Heidi, Doc, and Candy with him. Jared and Melanie wanted to come but Jeb told them they should stay put since they had Jesse to think about. Nate agreed with Jeb. Melanie was worried about Jamie but there was nothing we could do now.

That evening, Nate called his final meeting. Eli attended this meeting as well. After spending some time with us, he was showing compassion for our plight. Nate and Ian believed this might be helpful to our cause. We continued to _try _to make him comfortable even though we were so on edge, it didn't take much to make any of us snap. It felt like watching the sands of time running through an hourglass and for us, the sand was about to run out.

I don't think anyone slept much that night. I felt bad that Nate was lying alone in his bed and I wished I could comfort him.

In the morning we ate breakfast and by eleven thirty we were set in our assigned places. Everyone was ancy to get it over with. Why prolong the agony? Nate finally decided it was time to take action. He marched out towards the center of the field. He moved quickly and with confidence. No one expected the horror that unfolded without so much as a word spoken between the rivals.

A shot rang out and Nate fell to the ground. When I saw him fall, I reacted without thinking. "NATE!" I took off running towards him. I was only a few feet from where he lay when another shot rang out and then I felt the pain. It was the worst pain I have ever felt. I fell to the ground immediately. I heard Ian scream, "NO!" I didn't see anything because my eyes were closed. My face was in the grassy dirt. I couldn't even lift my head. I heard another shot immediately followed by someone on a bull horn calling out orders. "Hold your fire. This is Colonel Jeffries. I order you to hold your fire!" I felt someone roll me over.

"YOU BASTARDS! She's a soul! How can you shoot your own kind?" It was Ian.

"Ian, it hurts." I was barely able to speak. I opened my eyes only for a few seconds. I could see him above me crying. He cradled me in his arms.

"I know, my love. I'm going to help you."

I closed my eyes again.

Ian screamed out. "CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP HER?"

"Hold your fire. We are sending in healers," the voice on the bullhorn bellowed.

"They are coming to help you, my love. Hang in there for me okay?" I opened my eyes to convey that I understood, but I couldn't speak. The pain was excruciating. He was rocking back and forth with me in his lap. "Come ON!" He was panicking.

I assume that someone had finally come because Ian was speaking to them in a normal tone.

"Please, this is my wife, Wanderer, she's pregnant. You have to save her."

"She's a soul?" The healer asked not sounding as if he believed Ian's claim.

"Yes." He put his hand on my face. "Wanderer, baby, open your eyes so they can see who you are." I opened my eyes and I could see Ian and several other people staring down at me.

"Okay, let's give her some 'No Pain'. She's going into shock."

Ian spoke to me. "Can you open your mouth for me?"

I couldn't do anything. I couldn't move any part of my body except for my eyes.

The healer spoke. "You pull her mouth open and I'll slip it in."

I felt my mouth open and the movement of my head caused extreme pain. I couldn't scream. I could only moan in pain and I could feel the tears run out of the corners of my eyes.

"There, that should do it."

But it didn't. I was still in pain but I couldn't understand why. I had taken 'No Pain' before and it had worked miracles. I wondered if it had anything to do with the baby.

"Lay her down gently on her back and we shall see if we can get that bullet out."

My body felt limp but the movement again caused me horrible pain. I moaned and my tears continued.

"She's still in pain." Ian observed. "Why?"

"I don't know." The healer replied. "Unless…."

"Unless what?" Ian demanded an answer.

"Oh Damn!" He shook his head.

"Talk to me!" Ian hollered.

"Look at the blood," he said.

"What?" Ian was confused.

"The bullet hit her collarbone and ricocheted. It hit the soul. See the blood? It's red but it's also silver."

"So heal her. What are you waiting for?" Ian pleaded.

"I can heal the body," the healer explained.

"Then do it," Ian demanded.

"But I can't heal the soul…..not while it's in the host."

"Well, then take her out." When I heard this I opened my eyes. The healer was staring at Ian like he was insane.

"What are you waiting for?" Ian bellowed in frustration.

He took a deep breath. "I don't have the tools required to remove a soul. I wasn't expecting anything like this."

Ian screamed out in his own pain. "ARRRRGHHH! Colonel, we have our own healers, I know they can save her. Please let them come forward. PLEASE! She's dying!" He was begging.

"What are their names?" The colonel asked.

"Doc and Candy. Tell him to bring his bag." Ian turned his attention to me. "Baby, hold on, please, just a little longer. I love you so much."

The colonel spoke into the bullhorn. "We are requesting Doc and Candy to come forward to tend to the injured. Please bring your bag with you."

"Wanderer, hold on," Ian pleaded.

I was lying flat on my back. I could feel the healer working to free the bullet from my body. That's when I realized that it wasn't this body that was causing me the pain. It was _me._

After a few minutes, I heard Doc's voice. "What's happening?"

The healer spoke as he worked. "The bullet entered here but when it hit her collarbone, it ricocheted and ended up here. You see the spot where I removed the bullet?"

Doc answered. "Yes."

"It wounded the soul itself. I can't heal the soul while it remains in the body and I don't have the scalpels needed to perform the surgery."

"Doc, tell me you brought all your supplies including the scalpels," Ian asked with a glimmer of hope in his voice.

I heard Nate's voice for the first time. "Is she going to be okay?" Even in the pain, I felt happiness that Nate was all right.

Ian answered him. "I don't know. They are doing everything they can. I know she will be happy that you are okay. Don't get me wrong. I'm happy too. I just…"

"It's okay, I understand," Nate replied.

The healer spoke again. "Okay, we need to roll her over very gently. Wanderer, the soul, is lying up against the vertebrae, so every movement against the bone is causing her pain."

I could feel many hands on me now and as I rolled I felt the pain. I wished I could scream but I couldn't. All I could let out was a squeak.

"Her body is trembling," Ian cried.

Doc tried to reassure Ian the best he could. "The soul uses connections to the brain to control the body. Right now those connections are weak. She's struggling to hold those connections."

"Okay, Doc. She's all yours. You cut and I'll get her out," the healer instructed.

I felt pressure where he cut into my neck, then the pain, and then relief.

"Oh my god, look at all the blood," Ian cried hysterically.

The last voice I heard was Doc's. "Stay calm Ian." Then everything went black.

9


	46. Chapter 46

**As we come down to the final chapters of the story, I would like to thank Stephanie Meyer for giving me such a brilliant tale to bend and twist into my own weird and warped drama. I thank all of you who have been reviewing and talking with me throughout this whole process. Another two weeks and I will be done with this story but Nate's Diary will follow about a week after I finish this. I have 79 pages written so far and although it follows this story, Nate's life certainly holds its own dramas…after all; DRAMA should be my middle name…(wink)**

THE INTERROGATION

"WANDERER? BABYDOLL? COME BACK TO ME. Come on." It was Ian's voice. He was speaking softly.

"She's moving." It was Nate's voice.

I opened my eyes. Ian had me cradled in his arms again.

"I love you." I spoke in a tiny voice. I was exhausted. Ian broke down and cried.

"I thought I'd lost you," he whispered.

Nate yelled out. "SHE'S OKAY!" There was a loud commotion from the side of the field where our people were standing.

Colonel Jeffries spoke. "I've never seen anything like that in my five lives."

I needed to see that Nate was all right. "Where's Nate?"

Nate kneeled down next to me. "I'm right here. I'm fine. You shouldn't have come after me."

"How could I _not_ come after you? Nate, I thought you were dead."

"You almost died. Do you know that?" Ian said as he wiped the tears from his face.

I sat up. Ian was covered with blood; red blood and silver blood. "Is that my blood?"

"Yes, all of it is yours. They took you out of your body and they healed you while I held you. Before, I put you back, I let Nate hold you. I hope you don't mind."

"That was very selfless of you." I leaned up and kissed him tenderly. We were after all surrounded by soldiers.

Nate smiled. "Ian was right. You _are_ beautiful."

I held my arms out and he leaned forward and hugged me. "You don't have to say I'm beautiful. I won't be mad."

"Well, I managed to kiss you and Ian didn't even hit me." His smile was brilliant and his eyes transmitted the love he had for me.

"How are you feeling?" Ian asked. "Is the baby all right?"

"I think so. I don't hurt."

"Since you were shot in your upper body, I don't think it affected the baby. Even when we took you out, the body was still functioning."

I took Ian's face in my hands and kissed him again.

"Can you stand up?" Doc asked.

"I think so." Ian and Nate helped me to my feet. Then Ian pulled me to his chest. He wasn't letting go this time.

The Colonel spoke again. "I'm sorry about the shooter. He did _not_ act on my authority. One of your men shot him in the arm. That shot was over one hundred yards. That was a very good shot."

Nate responded. "I'm pretty sure that would be Victoria, woman, not man. Ian has first hand knowledge of how good a shot she is. She was under orders _not_ to kill. She didn't."

The Colonel turned his attention to Nate. "I'm sorry. I don't know who you are."

"My name is Nathan Downey. I am the leader of this community." He offered his hand to the colonel who took it. They shook hands.

"I'm Colonel Jeffries. I apologize to you as well for the mishap. I trust you have been sufficiently healed."

"Yes, Healer Davis is very efficient."

Now, the Colonel turned to Ian and me. "I see you two are mates?"

Ian spoke for both of us. "Yes, we are married."

"You are very young," he pointed out as he looked at my face.

"I am eighteen and of legal age."

"And with child I see."

"Yes."

"There are others like you here?"

I answered the question since it seemed directed at me. "Yes, we have four souls who have taken up residence with the humans. We come and go as we please."

Nate spoke up. "Everyone is an integral part of the community. We live in harmony and promote peace."

"I see," the Colonel replied. "Mr. Downey, would you mind if we set up a table and then we can talk. I can meet the other souls and their mates?"

"I would welcome it. We are hoping you will look favorably upon us and allow our community to continue to live in peace on this mountain much the same way the Indians were given reservations to live on when this land was taken by the Europeans."

"Can I ask you, who is Burns Living Flowers?"

"He owns the land we live on and he is my best friend. His father owned the land that your men were surveying but he sold it to put his son through college."

"Can you bring him to the table? I would like to speak with him as well."

"Absolutely."

Doc spoke up. "Do you need us anymore? We would like to return to our people. I can ask Burns to come out here."

Colonel Jeffries looked at Doc. "You can go for now. I may want to speak with you later. By the way, before you go, tell me, are either one of you mated with a soul?"

"No."

Doc and Candy turned slowly and walked back towards edge of the field. Candy's hair was long and covered the scar on the back of her neck, so the Colonel did not see that she had once been implanted.

Things happened quickly. With merely a signal of his hand, Colonel Jeffries' soldiers came out with a long table and six chairs. He sat on one side and motioned for me, Ian, and Nate to sit on the other side. Another soldier came and sat beside the Colonel. He was carrying a laptop computer. There were half a dozen or so soldiers surrounding us. Two faced the table where we sat and the others faced our side of the field. They were all heavily armed. Burns moved swiftly across the field and took a seat next to Nate.

Colonel Jeffries addressed us as a group. "This is my secretary, Sergeant Woodfern. He will be recording this conversation. I hope you don't mind."

Ian answered. "And what if we did?" I squeezed Ian's hand.

Colonel Jeffries looked Ian in the eye. "Then this discussion would be over."

Nate leaned forward. "I think transcripts of this meeting are in order."

"Thank you Mr. Downey." He took a deep breath. "Let it be known that I am meeting with two souls and two humans. Burns Living Flowers, a soul and a Seeker whose land these humans inhabit. Next we have Nathan Downey, a human and the leader of this 'community' as he refers to it. Finally we have…I'm sorry. How should I refer to you?"

Ian answered. "Ian and Wanderer O'Shea."

"Ian and Wanderer O'Shea. They are a married couple. He is a human and she is a soul and she is with child." He paused. "Mrs. O'Shea, how far along are you?"

"Four months."

He nodded his head as if doing the calculations in his head.

He turned his attention to Burns. "You own this land and you are a Seeker. Please explain in your own words how you came to be here."

"I've lived here my whole life." Burns said rather sarcastically.

The Colonel looked Burns in the eye. "Are you related to _him?_" He pointed to Ian. He was being sarcastic too.

"Well, I call him brother-in-law."

Now the Colonel pointed to me. "Is this your sister?"

Nate interrupted this game. "Please, Sir, allow me to explain. Burns's family is no longer with us. He was away at college during the takeover. He was implanted there. He came back to visit his family and found them all dead. His mother and sister had been implanted. His human father shot them both and then took his own life."

"I'm sorry for your loss but, I don't understand your sympathy for the humans. Your father was the one who destroyed your family."

"I don't agree but I don't wish to get into this with you," Burns muttered.

I felt the need to interject. "Please, this is difficult for him. We are not asking you to understand, only to listen."

"I'm sorry, Burns Living Flowers. It is only my opinion." He turned back to me. "Mrs. O'Shea, can you explain to me how he is your brother-in-law?"

"Technically, he's not, but since neither of us have blood relatives on the mountain, we sort of bonded. We were the first two souls to live here and we shared the house. I consider him my brother and he gave me away at my wedding."

"Okay." He turned back to Burns. "How long have you been allowing the humans to live on your land?"

"They were already here when I returned from college. I didn't come across them for months and even then it was by chance. Nate had fallen into an old well."

"Sergeant, are you getting all of this?"

"Yes, Sir. Would you like me to read it back?"

"That won't be necessary."

Nate spoke. "It took a while but eventually we became friends and the rest is history."

"You said each of the souls has a human mate. Where is your mate?"

"I'm not sure she will come. She fears the souls."

Colonel Jeffries laughed. "Has she not noticed that you are a soul?" He became serious again. "Try," he ordered.

Burns nodded and got up from his seat. He turned slowly and walked off the field. During Nate's meetings, he made it very clear that we do everything possible not to speak of the caverns. Those of us who came from there were to lie and say that we always lived at the mountain.

The Colonel turned his attention to me. "I trust you can tell your story of how _you_ came to be here."

"Yes, Sir. It's complicated."

"I'll try to keep up."

My intention was to tell the truth. My problem was Melanie wasn't here to back up my story. We had to come up with a cover as to where they were. As usual, Nate the Schemer had come up with a plan.

"Let me begin by telling you that today was not the first time that Ian and Doc have seen me in my true form."

The Colonel was lost already. "I'm sorry, what?"

"This is not my first host body on this planet."

"Really." The Colonel was intrigued.

"My first host was someone named Melanie Stryder. She lived on the mountain with her brother and her love. She saw her cousin on the news in the background on the television in Chicago and she decided she had to find her. She left on her own to go to Chicago and she was caught. They implanted me into her body. You would think 'end of story' but it's only the beginning. Melanie was strong and she wouldn't let go. She slammed me with her memories of her brother and her true love but she wouldn't allow me to see where they were. She protected their whereabouts and only allowed me to see what she wanted. She haunted me like this for months until I loved them too."

"She brainwashed you," the Colonel surmised.

"Maybe, she did," I admitted. "Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. She gave me enough information to go and search for them. There was a Seeker and she was keeping close tabs on me because of the fact that Melanie was a 'rogue' and they felt that I might eventually lead them to others like her. Melanie led me on a false trail through the desert before we turned north. For all I know, she's still out there looking for us."

"So, you came here."

"Yes, but the clan was not happy seeing that their precious Melanie had been implanted. They hated me. Her lover Jared was sickened by the sight of me and yet I loved him. I knew they would never believe that Melanie was still with me. They assumed I was a Seeker come to turn them all in. Ian and his brother Kyle were on a mission to destroy me and they very nearly did."

Ian got up at that point and walked past the guards and stopped with his back to us.

"Is he okay?"

"No. It's hard for him to remember those days. You see, I was kept under lock and key as a prisoner. I was not treated well by the humans. Burns was my protector. It wasn't until Ian nearly killed me that his guilt finally changed him. He started hanging around a lot and Nate forced me to tell the others of my life on other planets. He said it would be good for us all and he was right. The more stories I told the easier it was to talk to them. Ian was my biggest fan."

The Sergeant interrupted me. "Excuse me, how many planets have you been to?"

Ian had made his way back and took the opportunity to answer for me. "She's been to nine planets. She's most famously known on the Mists Planet as Rides the Beast."

The Colonel rose out of his seat. "I don't believe it."

"Believe it," Ian said flatly as he sat back down in his seat.

I didn't like all the attention. "Can I please finish this story?"

"I'm sorry, Babe, about _everything_. Go ahead." He grabbed my hand and pulled it into his lap so he could hold it with both hands.

"As I was saying, I was falling in love with Ian but Melanie loved Jared. I loved Jared and Melanie too. It was a constant battle in my head. After several months, I was accepted on the mountain and although I had feelings for Ian, Melanie hated him. Melanie wanted Jared but not while I was in her body. We were both suffering. Finally, I made a decision."

"What?" Both the Sergeant and the Colonel said it at the same time. Even the guards were paying more attention to me than to what they were supposed to be doing.

"I made a deal with Doc. I told him I would show him how to remove a soul from the host under two conditions. First, he had to agree to put the soul into a cryo chamber and send it to another world. The second condition was when it was my turn, I wanted him to let my soul die and bury me on the mountain."

The Sergeant again spoke, this time to Ian. "You agreed to this?"

Ian answered. "I didn't know. She kept it from me." He shot me a look of betrayal. He looked back at the Sergeant. "She waited until I was asleep to carry out her plan. Luckily, Jared woke me before they got her out of Melanie's body."

Burns walked up with Lily by his side. "I didn't mean to interrupt."

The Colonel spoke. "Join us. This is fascinating." He looked up at one of the guards. "Bring us two more chairs."

The guard walked off quickly. I got the impression he did not want to miss any of the story.

"Go on, my dear," Colonel Jeffries requested.

Suddenly, I got the weirdest feeling in the pit of my stomach. I pulled my hand away from Ian and laid it over my abdomen.

"What? What's wrong?" Ian looked panicked.

"I don't know. It's this strange feeling."

"Are you in pain?"

"No. I can't explain it. It's like being queasy but without the nausea."

The Colonel stood up. "Can we get a healer over here?"

The same healer who took care of me before came over to attend to me. He listened for the baby's heartbeat. "I'll tell you what the problem is. This baby is moving all over the place. Does it feel like butterflies flitting around in your belly?"

"Yes!" He described it exactly.

"You are feeling your baby move."

"Oh my god!" I grabbed Ian's face and kissed him.

"When is the last time you ate?"

Ian spoke. "I tried to get her to eat this morning, but she wouldn't."

I protested. "It's not like I'm the only one who didn't eat today."

"True." Nate backed me up.

The Colonel motioned for the other guard who was facing us to approach him. He took him aside and spoke to him. The guard walked away.

"We don't want to seem uncivilized. Do your people have food?"

Nate spoke as the leader. "Yes, but our main stock of supplies is kept in the kitchen at the house. Most of the humans have retreated to the cave for protection. They haven't had a hot meal in two days."

"I understand. If we provide food for them, will they eat it?"

Nate smiled. "Will they be serving Kool-Aid with that?"

I didn't understand the significance of that statement but obviously the others did.

"Okay." He turned to Burns. "I'm assuming they trust you."

"Yes, I believe they do."

"Go to them. Let them know that they can take an armed guard with them to the house and prepare food for themselves. Those of you at the table can eat with me if you don't mind."

Nate responded. "It's fine with me, if it's fine with them."

"I hope you didn't go through all the trouble of healing me just to poison me," I added.

"I don't think you are the one who has to worry," Ian pointed out.

"Colonel Jeffries, you wouldn't poison the three men I love most in this world, would you?"

"Mrs. O'Shea, you have my word."

"There, you see?"

Burns got up to leave.

"I would like your mate to stay here with us," The Colonel ordered.

"She's my girlfriend, not my mate," Burns shot back.

"You really don't like me do you?" the Colonel asked.

I was taken aback. I had never seen this side of Burns before. He was usually such a tranquil man.

"Truthfully, no I don't," he answered.

"Fair enough. Answer my questions and I will allow the both of you to go."

Burns faced the Colonel.

"You and this human are not life partners, then?"

"We are in a committed relationship but I have not asked her to marry me."

Lily looked wounded.

Burns continued. "I can tell you that I love her though."

The Colonel looked directly at Lily. "Do you love him?"

She answered in a small voice. "Very much."

The Colonel nodded to her. "Thank you. You may go with him."

Lily got up and Burns put his hand on her face. Then he put his arm around her shoulders and led her off the field. Burns was never much for public displays of affection like Ian and I were.

Nate had enough of this banter. "Can we _please_ get back to this meeting?"

"What are you in a hurry to die?" Ian scowled.

The Colonel interrupted. "No one said anything about dying. I want you to know that I am trying to be objective here."

Nate reciprocated. "I'm glad to hear you say that. I was hoping that we may prove to be an inspiration that humans and souls can live together. I, personally, would like to continue our 'experiment' if you will."

"You make an interesting argument. I _will_ keep it in mind." He took a deep breath. "Now, where were we before Mrs. O'Shea's little health scare?"

The Sergeant read from his computer. "Sir, if I may, Mr. O'Shea spoke last and he said I quote 'I didn't know. She waited till I was asleep to carry out her plan. Luckily Jared woke me before they got her out of Melanie's body."

"Right, Mrs. O'Shea. Would you care to continue?"

The Sergeant spoke before I could utter a word. "I don't mean to impose and I certainly mean no disrespect to you Colonel but I have a question."

"What is it Sergeant Woodfern?"

"How did the Doc know how to retrieve your soul from the host? You said and I quote, 'I would show him how to remove a soul from the host under two conditions.'"

"We needed a 'guinea pig' but we wanted to make sure whoever it was, they would be useful to us. We chose a healer. We chose Candy."

The Sergeant understood the implication immediately. "You kidnapped her?"

My face turned bright red.

Ian answered. "Yes, Jared and Brandt kidnapped her from the front of a hospital. Wanderer showed Doc step by step how to remove the soul. The soul was placed in a cryo tank which we also took from the hospital and we dropped her off at a shuttle port going to The Planet of the Flowers."

"I suppose that answers your question Sergeant."

"Yes, Sir, it does."

"Now back to you Wanderer. You don't mind if I call you Wanderer do you?"

"No, that's fine."

"You obviously didn't die," he pointed out.

"Well, no. When Ian found out what was going on, he…he…Well, I'm told he freaked out. As soon as my soul was removed he took me off the table and he put me into a cryo tank and then he wouldn't let anyone else touch it. He sent Jared and Jamie out to find a new host."

"They picked someone so young. Why didn't they pick someone better suited to Ian's age?"

"They picked just fine," Ian said in my defense. "Who wouldn't love her?"

"Got me. I fell in love with her the first time I saw her and I'm older than Ian," Nate declared.

I smiled at Nate before looking back at the Colonel. "Actually, it was Jamie who chose the host. He was fourteen. He said he wanted someone that no one could say 'no' to."

"I see his logic but still a twenty year old would have suited him better."

"Well, another reason is they wanted to get someone who wouldn't come back when the soul was removed. You see, if the soul is implanted when the human is older, then if you remove it, the human comes back, like in the case with Candy. Pet was implanted in this host when she was only eight years old. There was nothing but a vacant body when I came in."

"I would like to speak to this Melanie and her lover and her brother." He looked at the Sergeant. "What were their names?"

I answered before he did. "Melanie, Jared, and Jamie; but Mel and Jared are not here. They went off again to search for her cousin. Melanie is sure she is in Chicago somewhere."

"And the fourteen year old?"

"He's fifteen now and he's with us."

"I would like to question him. Can you get him for me?"

The guard came up to the table. "Sir, the lunch is ready to be served."

Ian got up. "I'll go get Jamie. Wanderer needs to eat." He leaned down and kissed me on the head. "I love you," he said and then he ran off the field.

"He's a big guy," the Colonel commented.

"Yes, he's the baseball coach."

"Ah, yes. We are in the middle of the baseball field."

The food was delivered to us at the table. There were sub sandwiches with chips, pickles, and drinks that had been ordered from the sub shop in town. Ian returned quickly with Jamie. They sat together on the other side of Nate. I assumed this was a protective measure and I hoped that Ian reminded Jamie to protect the caverns at all costs.

"You must be Jamie." The Colonel greeted him.

"Yes, Jamie Stryder."

"Sit. Eat, Jamie Stryder."

Ian and Jamie ate in silence. Nate paid close attention to me. "Are you feeling better?"

"Yes, I guess I was hungry."

"Well, you are eating for two." He brushed my hair over my shoulder.

When the Colonel finished his lunch, he decided he was ready to continue the meeting. He turned his attention to Jamie. "Can you tell me about how Mrs. O'Shea came to be here on the mountain?"

"You mean Wanda? Sure."

The Sergeant cut him off. "I thought her name was Wanderer."

"Well it is, but Jeb came up with Wanda because it sounded more human and it stuck."

"Who's this Jeb?"

I jumped in. "He's one of the older people in our community. He's got a thing for me."

"Yes, I'm beginning to see a trend." The Colonel smiled. "I'm sorry young man. Please continue."

Jamie heeded the Colonel's request. "Mel went looking for Sharon but she got caught. She was gone for a long time. A couple of months. When she finally came back, she wasn't Mel anymore. Jared was pissed. He wanted her dead but…" He stopped. We knew he was thinking so he wouldn't screw up. "Nate said she might be interesting to learn from. He made Jared guard her. They locked her in the root cellar."

"I see. You said Jared wanted her dead. Did he try to kill her?"

"No, he hurt her real bad though." He looked at Ian and Ian nodded his head to Jamie. "Kyle and Ian almost killed her though. The first time Ian nearly strangled her and the second time Kyle almost drowned her."

"Who saved her?"

"Well, here's the funny part. The first time, Kyle and Jared were fighting. Ian had her but Burns used a gun to threaten him and he dropped her. The second time, it was Ian who saved her from his brother."

"Ian and Kyle are brothers?"

"Yes."

"Did you want her dead?"

"No, never. I was the first one she told that Mel was in her head with her."

"And you believed her?"

"Yep." He leaned back in his chair and smiled at me.

The Colonel sat back in his chair and nodded his head. He leaned forward again. "So, Melanie is in that body with her?"

"Heck, no. Wanda gave Melanie back her body."

"She did? Then, where did this body come from?"

"I got it for her."

"You did?"

"Well it was me and Jared, but I picked her. She's perfect. Don't you think?"

Ian smiled so hard he had to turn away.

"She's a fine young lady. Tell me, where is your sister now?"

"Mel and Jared went to look for Sharon again."

"Why did she wait so long? Wanderer has had this host body for what at least four months."

"It's been a year and four months." I said in my defense. I didn't want him to think that Ian knocked me up as soon as I was put into this body.

The Colonel ignored me. "Jamie, why did she wait?"

"Because she was pregnant."

Crap.

"She had a baby? Where is this baby?"

Ian took control of the conversation. "The baby is inside the cave and he won't be coming out. They are under strict orders to protect him at all costs."

"I'm sorry Ian. I didn't mean to tell," Jamie blurted out.

"It's okay, kid."

"Can I go now?"

"Sure. I'd like to meet Ian's brother, Kyle."

Nate spoke again. "His girlfriend is a soul. Would you like to meet her as well?"

The Colonel had been leaning back on the two back legs of his chair. Now the chair slapped back to the ground. "Kyle, the guy who nearly drowned Wanderer has a soul for a girlfriend? Are you kidding me?"

Nate smiled his beautiful smile. "What can I say? Wanderer and Sunny are special. They can turn the meanest of men. How is she working on you?"

"Bring them out."

Ian got up with Jamie. "I'll walk him back."

"Excuse me. I need to use the bathroom."

"That's a good idea. How about we all take a ten minute break and meet back here."

I got up and I went to Ian. I put my arms around his waist. He cradled my chin in his hand. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm okay." I paused. "I love you."

"I love you more." He leaned in and kissed me. He held my face and kissed me with passion until I felt a little dizzy and I lost my balance. He pulled back and smiled. "You want me to carry you?"

"No, but if you want me to walk, you have to stop kissing me."

I looked over and one of the guards was using the back of his hand to cover his smirk. I noticed the Sergeant was watching us too.

He put his arm around my shoulders and I put my arms around his waist. We walked together like this off the field. It was mid afternoon and yet it had already been one of the longest days of my life. Nate was optimistic as usual. "I think it's going well."

"I think you are reading too much into it," Ian shot back.

"Well, I will do whatever it takes to try and make this thing work in our favor. Now if you will excuse me, I need to thank Victoria for keeping her wits about her. This could have been a fiasco."

11


	47. Chapter 47

**So I had a few newbies this week, I want to thank my new reviewers/readers lilacooper, Hobo49, XxblaahhxX, Stubborn Pear, and IsuzuRin101. There are some of you that I haven't heard from in a very long time. Are you still with me****? **TheNerdiBarbieDoll, Vero Diaz, Brightmoon3, Bananahsplit, Moonlight16, Isabel Wayland Cullen Hudson, ian4ever, SapphireMind, DisneyVampire, sapphirenight12, MistakenSoul, MrsSchmeisser, Lou McBryde, Val, sarah,

KATE, EvaCJM, lamia-amo, .., maxride08, Laziness

I hope I hear from you all again….

OUT OF CONTROL

AFTER THE BREAK WAS OVER we reassembled out on the field again. Luckily it was overcast. Had the sun been out we would have been baking.

Nate sat on the end. I sat between him and Ian. Sunny and Kyle sat on the other side of Ian. Colonel Jeffries and Sergeant Woodfern introduced themselves to Kyle and Sunny. Kyle and Sunny introduced themselves to the Colonel and the Sergeant.

"Kyle, I hear that you and your brother have resorted to violence quite often in your lifetime."

"Well, Ian was always the calm one. He didn't become violent until the takeover. I've always been a rough and tumble kind of guy. That's probably why I played football in college."

"Are you dangerous now?"

"I think everyone has the potential to be dangerous. Am I violent? No, I haven't been violent in close to two years. Pretty much since Sunny came along."

The Colonel focused on Sunny. "Sunny, would you tell me how you came to be on this mountain?"

"My host was a woman named Jodie. Jodie and Kyle were in love. She knew exactly how to handle Kyle. My memories of him were very strong. One night, Kyle came through my bedroom window. I was so excited. He wanted me to come with him. I was so in love with him, I went without a fight. He told me that they were going to send me to another world so he could have Jodie back. I didn't want to go. I was so devastated. Why didn't he want me?"

Kyle took Sunny's hands in his. "Sunny, it's not that I didn't want you. I didn't know you. I was in love with Jodie."

"What about now?"

"You know I love you. Why do you think I was so upset when you left?"

Ian stood up. "Guys! We could be dead in another hour. Do you want to spend your final hour arguing about whether or not you love each other?"

The Colonel interrupted Ian's tirade. "Why do you keep harping on the doom and gloom?"

"Why? Since the day we caught your surveyor watching our friendly baseball game, it's the only thing any of us have thought about. My wife is having nightmares about the outcome. How am I supposed to console her when I'm scared to death of being without her? Do you have any idea what this feels like? We were going to be a family…" Ian's emotions caught up to him. "You son of a bitch!" He walked away about twenty feet and collapsed to his knees with his back to us.

"Go to him," Nate said. I was gone before he could say anything else.

I fell to my knees in front of him. "Ian, please," I begged him. I didn't know what else to say. "I love you so much." He pulled me to him and sobbed into my hair. "I don't know what to say to help you." I spoke in a little voice.

"It's okay. I just feel sick to my stomach." His face telegraphed so much pain. Then he chuckled through his tears. "And you're the pregnant one." He held my face in his hands. "Jamie _did_ pick the perfect host for you. I want you to know that." He pressed his lips to mine and kissed me long and hard.

When he finally pulled his lips away from mine, I whispered. "Everyone is watching."

"I don't give a damn."

I wiped the tears from his cheeks. Ian helped me to my feet and then stood up as well. We turned and walked back to the table.

"So you decided to join us again," the Colonel declared.

"Yes, he's better now."

"Amazing, how you can heal a distraught man with just one kiss. You should have been a comforter."

I blushed before I spoke. "I was really hoping to be a wife and mother."

"Sergeant, please get us back on track here."

The Sergeant scanned his computer. "Ah, here we go. 'I went without a fight. He told me they were going to send me to another world so he could have Jodie back. I didn't want to go.'"

Kyle took over the story. "I brought Sunny back here. Sunny was very sweet. I wanted to make sure she went somewhere nice. When they took her out and placed her in the cryo tank, I kept her with me. We waited and waited for Jodie to return but she didn't. Jodie's body was just an empty shell. I asked them to return Sunny to the host. In the beginning she was like my little 'pet'. It was Wanda who helped us to take the next step and go to the next level. Now, Sunny rules me."

The Colonel looked at me. "So, you're a matchmaker too."

"I suppose. There's only one person I haven't been able to match up with anyone." I glared at Nate.

Nate spoke. "In my defense, I love only one woman."

The Colonel looked from Nate to me, and then to Ian who was rubbing his forehead with his fingertips. "Mr. O'Shea, you have your hands full with this one, don't you?"

"You have no idea," Ian replied.

The Colonel laughed a hearty laugh. "No wonder you're insane!"

"He's not insane!" I snapped.

The Sergeant addressed Ian. "Would it have been any easier if she wasn't a soul?"

Ian creased his eyebrows and looked at the Sergeant in a way that could only be described as incredulous. "Then she wouldn't be Wanderer. It's the _soul_ I love. The packaging is just a plus."

The Colonel folded his arms across his chest as he declared. "That is the single most promising thing I have heard all day. The best part is you backed up that statement one hundred percent when you held her broken soul in your hands and wept. I have to admire that."

"Thank you, Colonel, Sir."

The Colonel took a deep breath. "Is there anyone else that we should interview?"

Nate spoke. "We have one more soul with a human girlfriend that you may want to meet."

"And who would that be?"

"Ice. His real name is Ice Conqueror."

"Kyle and Sunny, you may go. If you could send Ice and his mate to us, I would appreciate it."

The Sergeant stopped them before they were able to walk away. "Sunny? Is that your real name?"

"No. It's 'Sunlight Passing through the Ice' but no one calls me that anymore."

"Thank you and you are Kyle O'Shea. Is that correct?"

"Yes, that's correct."

The Sergeant nodded and the couple departed. I got up to stretch. I was getting cramped sitting for so long. Ian followed me.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I just needed to stretch my legs." I stopped suddenly and turned to him. "And you are _not_ insane."

"No, I'm just crazy about _you,_" he joked.

"That sounds like something Nate would say."

Ian put his hands in his hair. "Oh no! I really am crazy!"

We both laughed. "I'm glad you are in a better mood."

He put his arms around me. "I'm _trying_ to be optimistic."

"Good." He kissed me again like before. He obviously didn't care who saw our public display of affection and I didn't either. Right now, his lips were my whole world. He nibbled my lips playfully and I was about to explode with the adrenaline he was pulling from the very core of my being. We were both breathing pretty hard by the time he pulled his lips from mine. Nate was staring at us from a few feet away.

Ian noticed him staring. "What?" he demanded.

"A little decorum please?"

Ian marched right over to Nate. "Oh please, I'll kiss her if I want to. For all we know, it could be my _last _kiss. Tell me, if I said go kiss her right now, that you wouldn't run your little butt over there and plant one on her."

"Okay, you've made your point."

Ice and Heidi were on their way out to the table. I took both Ian and Nate's hand in mine and I walked them back to our seats.

"All right, it's getting late. Let's finish this thing up." Colonel Jeffries addressed the newcomers. "I'm told your name is Ice Conqueror."

Ice stood up and offered his hand to the Colonel. "You can call me 'Ice'."

"This human here is your mate?"

Ice laughed. "That sounds kind of 'cave man' don't you think?"

"I suppose it does. How did you end up here on the mountain?"

Ice laughed again. He was the only one who seemed to be amused by all this. "Well, here I was living this dreary existence of a life. No family, no prospects for one on the horizon, boring job." He looked over at me. He was still standing. "Then one day this lovely young lady came to the 'Home Depot' where I worked. She bought a ton of stuff and pushed it out to her van. What kind of a man would I be if I didn't help her out? She didn't want my help but I insisted. I thought not only could I do my job but maybe, just maybe I could get a phone number."

"I _knew _it," Ian snapped.

"Come on, Ian. Who wouldn't hit on your wife? They weren't even married yet. She had no ring. That was the first thing I looked for. Anyway, I digress. What I didn't know was these two guys were in the back of the van. As soon as I saw them, there was no turning back. They grabbed me and knocked me out."

"They hit you?" the Sergeant asked.

"No, chloroform. I was out like a light. Best thing that ever happened to me."

"You were forcibly taken from your life and you say it was the best thing that ever happened to you?"

"These humans respected me more than anyone in my entire life. Wanda showed me that I could be a vital part of all of these people's lives and I've finally found a lady who makes me feel loved. This place…it's good."

"Would you like to introduce me to your lady?" the Colonel asked. I thought it amusing that he chose the word 'lady'. He seemed to like Ice.

"Yes, of course. This is Heidi. We've only been seeing each other for less than a year but it's been the best year of my life."

Heidi offered her hand to the Colonel. "It's a pleasure to meet you Sir."

"Yes, it is a pleasure to meet you as well."

The Colonel turned to Nate. "I think we have only one more person to see."

Nate looked confused.

"I believe you have been holding a hostage?"

"Oh, Eli. I forgot about him."

"Don't tell me he wants to stay here too."

Nate answered. "No. He has a family back where he came from. I wouldn't want to keep him from that."

Ian rose again. "I'll get him."

Ian lumbered off the field followed by Ice and Heidi. He returned quickly with Eli by his side. As Eli approached, the Colonel rose from his seat. "I'm sorry you had to wait so long for us to come for you. I hope your family will understand."

"Considering the circumstances, I am sure my family will be happy that I am alive. I know I have been led to believe that the humans are dangerous, volatile creatures. My time spent with them has been an experience. Although it is true that some of the humans can be emotional, I feel that if put into the same circumstance that we, and I mean all of us, would react in the same way. It's basic survival mode, Sir. I have come to respect the drive and the endless battle that these humans and souls have to fight every single day just to remain on this earth."

I started to cry.

Nate reached out to shake Eli's hand. "Thank you Eli. If we survive this, you and your family are welcome to visit any time." Eli pulled Nate into a hug.

The Colonel spoke. "Corporal, will you please escort Eli off the field?"

One of the guards stepped forward and ushered Eli from the table.

The Colonel leaned forward. "Now, comes the hard part." He sighed. "I have to take two of you with me. Nate, you are the leader and therefore it makes sense that you would go. Wanderer, you are the most compelling young female I have ever met. If you are true to your community, I feel that you would be the best soul to represent them in a fight to save them. I am not the person who makes the decision. I am merely a fact gatherer. I can offer my opinion."

"She's not going anywhere without me," Ian asserted.

"Suit yourself but remember I am not the power once we leave here. You cannot lose your temper as you have done here. They will not look favorably upon that. This is my advice."

"I understand but my wife is not leaving without me."

"Fair enough. I'll give you thirty minutes to go back to your people and tell them that you are going."

"_Where_ are we going if you don't mind my asking," Nate wondered.

"Washington D C."

"How long will we be gone?"

"I can't answer that question."

"Can we take our cell phones?"

"They will most likely take them from you and run the numbers to see who you've been calling. They probably won't give them back, but you didn't hear that from me."

"Colonel?"

"Yes, Mrs. O'Shea?"

"Can you promise me that nothing bad will happen to Ian and Nate?"

"By bad, you mean…"

"I mean promise me they won't implant them with a Seeker…with any soul."

"I will do everything in my power to avoid that from happening."

"Thank you."

We walked swiftly to our people and Nate called a meeting inside the cave. He explained that in his opinion, the meeting went well. He appointed Burns the leader in our absence and requested that everyone respect and adhere to his decisions. He made it clear that we didn't know how long we would be gone and if we didn't come back, it meant that we had failed. It was difficult for Nate to give the speech because he was so much the planner, the schemer and now it was all out of his control. At the end of the speech, there were lots of hugs and well wishes for us. Victoria had come down off of her perch on top of the cave. Nate again thanked her for having the restraint to stop the shooter on the other side without killing him. She grabbed him and kissed him and told him that no matter what may happen, the time they spent together was time she would never forget. It was heartbreaking. There were lots of tears. The half hour went by so quickly.

When it was time to go, Ian, Nate, and I held hands and walked across the field to the waiting soldiers. Colonel Jeffries and Sergeant Woodfern were nowhere to be seen. Another soldier came forward.

"I am Captain Rising from the Mist and I will be in charge of your escort to the Capital. Please do not be afraid. The guns are a precaution. This way please."

We followed the Captain into a waiting vehicle and we were on our way to the nearest shuttle port. We were escorted onto a military transport and whisked away to the Capital. Nate seemed excited about the trip. He saw it as a positive sign. I, on the other had, clung to Ian the entire trip. When they served us dinner, Ian had to force me to eat. The only time I left him was to go to the bathroom on the shuttle. We had armed guards around us at all times. We didn't talk much but Ian kissed me often. They weren't long passionate kisses but rather little kisses of reassurance. We probably told each other that we loved each other a couple of dozen times in the six hours it took us to go from the mountain to the shuttle port in Washington. We were escorted into another waiting military vehicle and driven to a military compound where we were turned over to another officer.

That is where everything I had hoped for was smashed to pieces.

"I'm sorry but we are under orders to follow protocol so we have to separate you."

"No!" I clung to Ian.

"This is my wife. We will stay together."

"I'm sorry. We have to follow the rules set by General Blue Flame."

It took four soldiers to rip us apart and I was crying hysterically. I was put into a room with a bed and a table with a lamp. There was nothing else in the room. I lay on the bed and eventually cried myself to sleep. I was awakened by a knock on the door and a meal was brought in. The Captain followed the soldier into the room.

"Your husband and friend are comfortable. Your husband requests that you eat. He said 'Tell her to please eat. She needs to think about the baby.' He turned to leave. "Oh, yes, and he said to tell you that he loves you." The door closed behind him.

I didn't want to eat but I knew Ian was right. The baby needed me to eat. I ate what I could even though I felt sick to my stomach.

Several hours later, there was a knock on my door. The Captain entered. "The General and the President will see you in one hour. I suggest you make yourself presentable. If there is anything you need, do not hesitate to ask. There is a soldier outside your door."

"I brought a bag. It had essentials in it. May I have it back?"

"I will check on that for you. I must warn you. There are cameras in this room. If you undress you should do it in the bathroom." I scanned the room but could not see any sign of a camera. It made me uneasy to think I had been watched.

After he left I went into the bathroom. I took a shower but before I put on my clothes I opened the bathroom door to let some of the steam out. My bag was sitting on the floor just outside the door. I snatched it up. Inside I had brought a set of clothes, shoes, make up, brush, toothbrush and toothpaste, and my pre-natal vitamins. In the bottom of the bag I had put Ian's bloodstained shirt in a plastic bag as proof that he had touched my soul. I had the forethought of packing Ian's favorite Babydoll dress. The Colonel said that I was compelling and in the dress I barely looked pregnant. I wanted to use what this body had given me to hopefully draw their attention and use it to my advantage.

When the Captain came to get me, he was pleasantly surprised. "You clean up well." He smiled and held out his arm for me to take. "Shall we go?"

"Yes." We began to leave the room. "Wait!"

I went back and grabbed the bag with the shirt.

We drove by limousine to the Pentagon. The Captain helped me out and escorted me to a vacant room. "Wait here until they are ready for you."

"What about my husband and my friend?"

"I'm not positive but I think they are here as well."

"I sat in a chair and waited. The longer I had to wait the more nervous I got. Before long I had to go to the bathroom. I went to the door and opened it. There was an armed guard posted outside. "Excuse me; I need to use the restroom."

"Yes Ma'am. I'll take you."

He walked me down the hall and walked me back when I was done. Once I returned to the room, there were several men waiting inside.

"You must be Mrs. O'Shea."

"Why, yes. I had to use the…" I pointed out the door.

"Perfectly understandable in your condition." The man in the suit replied.

"I hadn't realized it was so obvious."

"It's not. Allow me to introduce myself. I am President Halsden and this here is General Blue Flame." He crossed the room to shake my hand.

"It's an honor to meet you Sir."

General Blue Flame followed and did the same. "You are quite lovely."

"Thank you."

"Have they treated you well?"

"I don't want to complain but I was very upset at being separated from my husband and my best friend. I wish to see them if you don't mind."

"And you will. We wanted to speak with you alone before we bring each of them in."

"What is this? Divide and conquer? You already have us at a severe disadvantage."

The president walked back to his desk and picked up a thick stack of papers. "This is very interesting reading. Is it true?"

"Where is Colonel Jeffries?"

"He was pulled to another issue. He will be with us but not until later."

"He can back up everything that is in that report."

"It says your husband, a human, held your soul in his hands. He did not try to destroy it? I find that difficult to believe."

"There were at least half a dozen of your people who witnessed it and I brought you this shirt." I pulled the shirt from the plastic bag and handed it to the General.

He held it up and examined the blood stains.

"That is Ian's shirt. He was wearing it when I was shot by one of your men."

"Huh." He turned it and held it up for the President to see.

"Interesting. The Colonel writes that you were pivotal in creating bonds between the humans and the souls. Would you care to share your secret? Hypnosis or some other form of magic?"

"No. I just try to make everyone feel comfortable with each other. As a soul in a human world I don't need enemies."

"This human husband. He tried to destroy you. Is that true?"

"His name is Ian. He _did_ try to destroy me but if was out of fear. You know it's funny. We have taken over the earth and yet we have this great fear of the few remaining human survivors. Do you believe that they could destroy us all? Our sheer numbers alone give them no chance in a fight. We have billions of us here on the earth. Why is it such a crime to want to salvage just a small number of them? Their race is not worth destroying. They are strong and proud and they have the gift of passion for what is important to them."

"But they are angry and volatile."

"I may be wrong but I believe on a planet such as this that in time, our souls will find the reasons to be angry and volatile as well. There are those not unlike yourselves that crave the power and the position that you possess. These humans that I love do not crave power. They just want to live and love and raise families. Why is that so wrong?"

"You believe that humans and souls can live together in harmony?"

"I don't have to believe it. I live it everyday."

There was a knock at the door. A soldier entered. "I have Mr. O'Shea waiting in the hall."

The President answered. "Bring him in."

Ian stepped through the door and I ran to him. He put his hands up to block my advance. It was then that I looked and saw the silver in his eyes.

"No! Not my Ian!" Everything went black.

9


	48. Chapter 48

**So my son is getting 2 awards. The first is the Presidential award for maintaining a 3.5 GPA throughout his middle school years and the other is the Eagle Academic Award (We are the Independence Eagles) for maintaining a 3.8 GPA throughout.**

**Thank you to all of you who reviewed the last chapter, and you know who you are because you always review. I love you guys and I'll miss hearing from you.**

BITTERSWEET MOMENT

WHEN I WOKE I WAS IN A HOSPITAL ROOM. There was a nurse at my side. In a chair on the other side of the room reading was Fords Deep Water.

"Healer, she's waking up."

Fords Deep Water crossed the room quickly. "I can take it from here."

The nurse stepped away but didn't leave the room.

"Fords Deep Water. What are you doing here?"

"You know me but I'm sorry to say I don't know you. I need you to be silent so I can listen to your heart and lungs." He leaned forward to put the stethoscope on my back. He took the opportunity to whisper in my ear. "We never met at the restaurant. Pretend you are going to throw up."

I did as he asked. "I'm going to be sick," I muttered and I climbed out of the bed.

"Let me get you to the bathroom. Nurse, get the ultra sound equipment ready please."

The nurse left the room to do as he asked. Once inside the bathroom Fords Deep Water spoke quickly.

"Wanderer, I want to help you and your companions. You need to trust me. Can you do that?"

I nodded.

"The restaurant never happened. I'm meeting you for the first time. Understand?"

I nodded.

"There now, you feel better right? Go ahead and wash up. I'll be right outside."

I went to the bathroom and washed up before returning to the bed.

"You gave us all quite a scare. Do you know what happened to you?"

"I fainted?"

"No. You disconnected."

"What?" I was confused by this term.

"Some souls shred their brains when threatened with overwhelming odds. It's a defense mechanism. You've heard of it?"

"Yes."

"You, on the other hand, merely disconnected all of your connections to the brain. In essence, you removed yourself from the host. It is rare. Few souls can do it without shredding the brain. If I hadn't gotten you out you would have eventually died."

"How long was I out for?"

"By the time I got here, you had been down for nearly an hour. The heat of the body is what kept you alive. It's sort of like having a heart attack. I had to remove you from the host and use a massage technique to bring you back so you would respond when placed back in the body. You are lucky I was in town. Not many healers know the technique."

I suddenly remembered why it all happened in the first place. I remembered seeing Ian. I started to shake. "They implanted him! Colonel Jeffries promised me they wouldn't!" I began to cry.

Fords Deep Water put his arms around me and spoke softly. "I know it's difficult for you right now, but it's not a death sentence." He whispered, "Things can be undone."

"Will you help me?"

"I'll do what I can. You need to face him and let them see his love for you. It's very important."

The nurse returned with the sonogram machine. Fords Deep Water asked me to pull up the hospital gown I was wearing to reveal my abdomen. He covered my lower half with a blanket out of respect and went to work. I could hear the heartbeat of the baby. It was very fast. He said it was normal for the heartbeat to be faster than my own. I could see the baby on the screen. He said it was still too early to be sure if it was a boy or a girl. Satisfied with the outcome of the sonogram, he instructed the nurse to pack up the equipment. He said he would return in a few minutes to speak with me and that I should go wash the gel off my belly and change back into my clothes.

When he returned the nurse was with him. "I want to make it very clear to you that your body and your baby can't take the shock of being opened up every twenty four hours to heal you. If it happens again I could lose one or both of you. I have informed the President of this and he wants me to stay close to you at all times. You need to remain calm. If you do not want to see your husband then let them know before they bring him in. Do you understand?"

"Yes." I wanted to see Ian desperately. I hoped that Ian would be strong enough to hold his ground inside his own head. I needed him to know that I wasn't giving up especially now that I had someone like Fords Deep Water on my side.

Fords Deep Water took me by the arm and we were escorted by guard to the room I had been in previously. We sat and waited. The President and the General entered a few minutes later.

"Young lady, you gave us quite a fright. Fords Deep Water said you easily could have died. Why would you want to do that?"

I looked at Fords Deep Water. He nodded his head at me to answer the question. I was honest.

"Ian is my life. I should have been dead a long time ago. He is the reason I am here. Without him in human form, I have no reason to live."

"You do remember that he has been implanted."

"With a Seeker, I wager."

"Yes, we needed a strong soul to get possible information that he may be hiding."

"He loves me and I hope he is strong enough to show you that."

"So, you can withstand seeing him?"

"I hope so," I whispered.

I stood up and waited for Ian to enter the room. He came in and looked very frightened. I approached him slowly. I stared at his eyes. I wanted to see what he was thinking. I stopped in front of him.

"Do you know who I am?" It was a stupid question but I asked it so I could get a response more than anything.

"Yes."

I reached up towards his cheek and he stepped back. "Please," I asked.

I stepped forward again and touched his cheek. "Ian, I know you are in there." He reached up and pulled my hand from his cheek. He held them both in his so I couldn't touch him anymore. He obviously felt uncomfortable.

"I don't want you to give up. Remember when I came to you at the baseball field? When I told you to fight for me? I want you to fight harder than you ever have. We can still be together. I have faith." Ian squeezed my hands.

Suddenly he dropped my hands and backed up quickly and had a look of horror on his face.

The General questioned him. "What's wrong Seeker Rising Smoke?"

He just stood there.

I suddenly understood. "You squeezed my hands."

He didn't move and he didn't speak.

"You squeezed my hands," I repeated.

"That wasn't me."

I pulled my shaking hands to my face. "Ian! I love you."

Rising Smoke had a glazed look on his face. I knew that look. I had that same look when I was arguing with Melanie in my head.

"He's arguing with you, isn't he?"

"How did you know?"

"What is he saying?"

Rising Smoke swallowed. He was definitely freaked out. "He said I don't belong in his head. He says he'll haunt me forever."

The General interrupted. "What about his memories. What have you seen?"

Rising Smoke just shook his head. "Her." He pointed to me. "She's all I see. There's no one else."

"What do you mean?" The President asked.

"I see her in her wedding dress coming down the aisle. I see her saying 'I do.' I see her covered with mud throwing mud at me. I see her making an angel in the snow. I see her dancing. I see moments I'm not at liberty to speak about."

I started to cry. I fell to my knees and sobbed. Fords Deep Water jumped to his feet and ran to me. "Are you okay?"

I nodded my head. I couldn't speak.

Then I heard the General speak. "Are you crying?"

He wasn't speaking to me. I looked at Rising Smoke and tears were sliding down his cheeks.

"I can't control him," he croaked.

"Do you want to skip?"

"I've never skipped before but…"

"Corporal, will you please take Rising Smoke to his room."

"No. I don't want him to leave. Please let him stay. I need him when Nate comes."

"Very well."

A minute later they brought Nate in. I cringed when I saw him.

I walked up to him. I was angry now that my happy optimistic Nate was gone. I scowled at him. "What is your name?"

"Travels the Frozen Tundra."

"That's a _stupid_ name." I turned to the General. "Why is it all your military types come from the Mists planet or the Fire planet? Maybe because they produce souls that are more _volatile_?" I was spitting venom now.

"Mrs. O'Shea, we don't need to insult his name."

I walked over to Ian and spoke to him directly. "Ian, forgive me but I have to do this to save Nate."

I walked up to Travels the Frozen Tundra and I planted one right on the lips before he could react. He pulled back with a smile on his face. Then just as quickly that smile turned to surprise.

I got in his face. "Go ahead, Nate. Keep yelling at him. You are pissing him off," I taunted him.

"Stop telling him what to do!" he snapped back at me.

"Ha! He's in there. I knew it!"

The General spoke. "Mrs. O'Shea! Will you _please_ control yourself?"

At that moment, Colonel Jeffries entered the room with Sergeant Woodfern in tow. As soon as he came through the door I verbally attacked him.

"Colonel Jeffries, you went back on your promise! How could you?"

"Hold on Missy. What are you talking about?"

"They implanted them both!"

He looked over at both Ian and Nate. "I'm sorry. My orders were to the contrary."

The President spoke. "Mrs. O'Shea! If you cannot control yourself you will be removed!"

Fords Deep Water stood up and tried to get me to sit down.

Rising Smoke spoke. "Wanderer." The fact that it was Ian's voice was enough to freeze me in my tracks. "Ian wants you to relax. He doesn't want another medical issue. He says…I love you."

I went quietly with Fords Deep Water and sat next to him in the chair.

President Halsden took a deep breath. "Okay. Now that things are in order, I'll ask the questions if you don't mind."

I nodded my head.

Satisfied with my response, the President turned his attention to Nate. "Travels the Frozen Tundra, tell me what memories you have seen from the mind of Nathan Downey."

"He's not letting me see anything really, except Wanderer, although that's not what he calls her."

"What does he call her?"

"He generally refers to her as 'Beautiful'. I see them playing pool. He likes to watch her. I see him dancing with her at her wedding. He's sad. I see him kissing her. I see him putting on her shoes. He is upset. I just see her. It's like a never ending slide show."

"Mrs. O'Shea. What do you do to these men?" the President asked.

"That's easy. I love them."

"But you are married."

"My heart is big enough for both men. I love Ian as my husband and my lover. I love Nate as my closest friend."

"But you've kissed him."

"Yes, I'm only human," I said boldly.

"Colonel, you spent some time with her. Give me your take on this."

"This is my personal opinion. I have never in my lives ever seen two entities that belong together like Ian and Wanderer. They each have control over the other. At our meeting in the field, I saw him lose his temper. I thought for sure I would have to call the guards to physically suppress him but I watched her control him with one kiss. Just a few minutes ago you witnessed him control her with three words…'I love you'. It's just crazy. I personally would love to see how this relationship between human and soul plays out."

"Thank you for your opinion. Would you stay with us and discuss this further?"

"That's why I'm here. I'm just sorry I'm so late. I heard that Mrs. O'Shea had a health scare." He turned to me. "I hope you're all right."

"The jury is still out on that one."

"Fords Deep Water, will you escort Mrs. O'Shea to her room at the compound?"

"Of course, Mr. President."

In the car I had the opportunity to speak with Fords Deep Water. I still wanted to be very careful in case the car was bugged.

"What do you think they'll do?"

"Well, Mrs. O'Shea." He too was trying to keep the conversation at a professional level. "I'm not a military man but if I were them I would probably heed the Colonel's opinions. He seems to be on your side. Whatever decision they make you should know by morning."

"What about Nate?"

"Not sure about him. He has strong feelings for you as well. That might be a good thing or it might be a bad thing."

"Why would it be a bad thing?"

"They may feel that he throws a wrench into the relationship between you and Ian. If they decide to remove the soul from Ian they will want to be sure that you can control him. Jealousy can be an ugly thing."

"But Ian didn't show his jealousy."

"Not today, but you can be sure they will weigh that option."

Once Fords Deep Water had escorted me safely to my room, he encouraged me to take a nap. I was pretty tired so I heeded his plea. I hung up my dress in the bathroom and changed into my shirt for my nap.

I don't know how long I slept but when I woke I changed back into my dress. It wasn't long before there was a knock on the door. It was the Captain.

"The President has invited you for dinner in his private dining room. I have come to take you there."

Here we go again. I was starving but I was afraid that seeing Rising Smoke in my Ian's body would take away my appetite. When I arrived at the dining room, most of the diners were already seated. At the head of the table was President Halsden flanked by General Blue Flame and Colonel Jeffries. Sergeant Woodfern was seated next to the Colonel. He bade me to come and sit next to him. There were still three empty chairs.

"The others are running a little late. Would you care for an appetizer?" the General asked.

Why would Ian and Nate be running late? Did the Seekers inside their bodies make a breakthrough and discover the people in the caverns? I was uneasy about his statement. I turned my attention to the food. There were several appetizers on the table to choose from. The Sergeant picked up my plate.

"Mrs. O'Shea, what would you like?"

"Um, the bacon wrapped scallops and the stuffed mushrooms please."

He placed several of each on the plate. A waiter came in and immediately approached me. "May I get you something to drink?"

"Unsweet tea with lemon will be fine. Thank you."

I ate my appetizers faster than I should have simply because I was so hungry. I drank my tea quickly too. The waiter brought out a second glass and I was noshing on a spinach dip with fresh baked bread when the door opened and in walked Ian. My stomach sank until I looked at his eyes. Rising Smoke was gone. It was Ian. I flew from my chair and literally jumped into his arms. He caught me in mid air and pulled me to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I can't believe it's you!" I buried my face in his neck. He twirled me around the room as he cradled the back of my head in his hand.

"I love you, Babydoll." He put me down and leaned in to kiss me. I pulled him to me with all my might. When our lips touched, it was like static electricity. It was a hungry kiss. We couldn't get enough of each other.

Finally, Colonel Jeffries spoke. "Ian, she's already pregnant."

We both smiled and began to laugh which broke the kiss. I brushed my hand across his lips to make sure I hadn't left any wetness behind. I took him by the hand and led him to the table. "Thank you for giving me the love of my life back."

Ian made sure I was seated and then he sat next to me but he didn't face the table. He sat sideways in his chair and he stared at me. He stroked my hair as if no one else was there.

The President addressed him. "Mr. O'Shea."

Ian continued to stroke my hair and stare at my face. It was almost creepy. It was like he was trying to memorize every single line on my face.

The President spoke louder. "Mr. O'Shea! Would you like an appetizer?"

Ian finally spoke although he never took his eyes off of me. "Would you give me one more night with her?"

"What are you talking about?" The President was clearly confused by his statement.

He finally looked directly at President Halsden. "If this is my last meal and you intend to dispose of me then please, I beg you; give me one more night with my wife."

Travels the Frozen Tundra appeared in the doorway. "Sorry I'm late. I had a session with a comforter."

The President remained focused on Ian. "Mr. O'Shea, we have no intention on disposing of you."

"Why should I believe you?"

"Ian!" I squeaked.

"Because I'm the President of the United States of America. That's why!" He was clearly aggravated

Ian looked over at Travels the Frozen Tundra. "Then why didn't you take him out of Nate's body?"

"We have our reasons which we will discuss tomorrow at great length."

"I am a 'rogue'. Under your terms, if a rogue cannot support a soul, then it must be disposed of."

The President took a deep breath. "True. But that was before we had a reservation to send them to." He forced a smile.

Click! I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "You're letting us live. You're letting us _all _live!" I crooned.

"Yes, this is a celebration dinner."

I was ecstatic. I threw my arms around Ian. "We did it!" Then I looked across the table and I saw Travels the Frozen Tundra smiling too. My elation turned to fear. "What about Nate?"

"This will be discussed tomorrow," the General declared.

I wasn't going to give it up. "What about Nate?"

Travels the Frozen Tundra spoke. "Nate has agreed to give himself up for the good of the cause."

My eyes filled with tears. "No!" I collapsed into Ian's arms and sobbed uncontrollably.

"I'm sorry Wanderer. I know you love him. He loves you too that's why he's doing this." Ian tried to console me to no avail. I couldn't speak. Every time I tried my stomach would heave and my voice would squeak.

"I love you Nate. I can't lose you." It was all I could manage to squeak out before a new wave of tears overwhelmed me. This hurt almost as much as losing Ian. It was a bittersweet moment. Everyone watched me for a solid five minutes before the President finally asked Ian to take me back to the room. Ian scooped me off of the chair just as Fords Deep Water entered the room.

"Is she all right?" He rushed over concerned for my welfare.

"No, she's very upset. Is there anything you can give her to calm her down? I mean that won't hurt the baby?"

"No. I'm sorry there isn't."

Ian didn't speak another word. He carried me out to the waiting limousine and we were taken back to my room with the bed and the table with the lamp. He laid me in the bed. He stripped down to his boxers and climbed in beside me. He held me until eventually I drifted off to sleep, my body still jumping like a baby who has cried itself to sleep. A few times my jumping body woke me up and I would start to cry again. I don't know how long this went on.

When I woke I didn't know what time it was. Ian was asleep next to me which gave me some comfort. At least I still had _him_. It must have been difficult for him to see me fall apart because of Nate. I leaned over and put my head and hand on his chest. He jumped and woke up.

He curled his arm around me. "Are you all right?"

"Yes and no. I still have you. That's most important."

"Babydoll, I'm here for you."

"I know." I kissed his beautiful chest.

"Would you like to take a shower? ...with me?" he said sweetly.

"Yeah."

He led me to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth as he started the shower. He turned and helped me take my clothes off. "Get in. I'll be right there."

He brushed his teeth and entered the shower. We soaped each other up and as we slowly caressed each other's body, the natural excitement took over. Ian kissed me and our soapy bodies slid over each other. I wanted him right then and there but this shower wasn't exactly designed with sexual activity in mind. We rinsed and draped our bodies in a towel and went back to the bed.

"Ian, they have cameras. They are watching us."

"Well, then I guess we should give them something worth watching."

"Ian!" He smiled and pulled the covers over our heads. It felt like I was having sex with my boyfriend in my parents' bed. It felt sneaky. It felt good. Somewhere in the middle of our love making there was a knock on the door. We froze but we didn't answer. There was another knock.

Ian answered. "Not a good time. Come back later. _Much _later."

There wasn't another knock so we picked up where we left off. When he finished he kept on kissing me and before I knew it he was on me again. Ian was like a kid in a candy store and I was happy to be the candy. After the second time Ian decided he should _inform_ the guard that we were available.

Ten minutes later just as we were getting frisky yet again there was another knock on the door. Ian stopped kissing me and yelled 'Come in!'

The Captain entered the room. I guess he expected us to be fully clothed rather than lying under the covers naked and making out. He averted his eyes before he spoke. "They are waiting on you. If you could please get dressed, I will take you there."

"Is he always like this?" Ian asked me.

"Like what?"

"So formal?"

"Yes, he is."

The Captain left the room. Ian reached to the floor for his towel and wrapped it around himself. He walked to my side of the bed and handed me my towel. I pulled it under the blanket and wrapped it around myself before getting up. We dressed quickly. I opted for no makeup simply because I knew the sight of Travels the Frozen Tundra would definitely start me crying again. Sex with Ian was a great diversion but it was only a temporary fix.

When we got to our destination, only the General and the Colonel were present.

"Good morning or should I say afternoon, Mr. and Mrs. O'Shea. I trust you slept well." Ian and I gave each other that knowing look and smiled.

Ian answered. "Yes, Wanderer needed her rest."

General Blue Flame looked skeptical. "Yes. Well, I have someone here who wants to see you."

The General buzzed his box and spoke into it. "Send him in please."

I was scared to death. I had no idea who could be coming through that door. Then I saw him.

9


	49. Chapter 49

**Went to see my daughter's play 'Wait Until Dark'. It was AWESOME! All her students love Miss K and so do I! Meantime my mother is coming so I have been a bit on edge all week. I love my mother but she is one of those people who can drive you to drink after the first 24 hours. And I have been FORCED to do the thing I HATE to do most-clean…(sigh)**

**I hope you all enjoy the chapter and I look forward to hearing from you. (PS: Yeah I cried)**

THE CONDITIONS

"DADDY!" IT WAS MY FATHER.

"Pet!" I suddenly realized I wasn't who he wanted to see.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm Wanderer."

He was confused. "What? No, you are Pet. I think I would recognize my own daughter."

Ian came up behind me and put his arms around my waist.

"Who are you? Take your hands off my daughter," he demanded.

"Daddy…er Mr. Hollister. This is Pet's body. But she's not here anymore. I have all her memories though."

"You're lying. She wouldn't skip."

"She didn't. Let me explain." I told him the story. He was visibly upset and Ian stayed close to my side in case he had to protect me.

"So, my Pet is gone?"

"Yes, but I remember everything. I can be your daughter if you want or you can tell everyone that Pet is dead. It's up to you but I _do_ think of you as my father. I want you to know that."

"Will you come home to live with me?"

"No. I'm married now."

"To him? A human?"

"Yes, Daddy…um…I mean Mr. Hollister. And I'm pregnant."

"You're only seventeen!"

"I'm eighteen now."

"This human raped you and knocked you up so you married him?"

"No, Daddy. I fell in love with him, then I married him and then when I turned eighteen we decided to get pregnant. This was a planned pregnancy."

"When did you have time to fall in love with him? In the five minutes after he kidnapped you?"

"You are forgetting that I'm Wanderer. I spent several months with him in my original host before I was placed in this body. I was twenty years old in her body."

"Then, why you? Why did he pick you? Is he some kind of pervert?"

"No. He didn't even pick the host. He stayed with my soul. A fourteen year old boy chose Pet. Don't you see? Ian loves _me, _Wanderer, the soul. You know I can't survive without a host body."

"I have a headache." He looked at Ian. "You love her in this host body?"

"Yes, very much. Pet's memories gave Wanderer a new perspective on life that she didn't have with her before. It took some adjusting, I have to admit, but I wouldn't trade her for anything. She's perfect." He chuckled. "Even if she is a little high maintenance."

I smiled and leaned into his waiting arms. He kissed the top of my head.

Mr. Hollister paced the room scratching the top of his head. "My baby is married to a human and pregnant," he muttered to himself. He looked up. "Where will you live?"

"On the reservation."

"With Indians?"

The Colonel answered. "Not exactly. We will be meeting right after lunch to discuss the conditions. You may join us if you want provided you intend to remain a part of Wanderer's life."

He looked at me again. "Can I hug you?"

I left Ian's arms and rushed to my father and wrapped my arms around his neck. "I'm sorry. Our intention was never to hurt you. They just couldn't let me die." We both cried.

He pulled back and scanned my body. "You've gotten taller."

"I still dance. I've even taught Ian to dance. I teach a class. It's a small class but I love it."

"Will you come and visit?"

I looked at the General and the Colonel. The Colonel answered. "I think that can be arranged."

"Where's Mom?"

"After you disappeared, we tried to make it work but in all honestly the only reason we stayed together was because of you. After six months when there was no sign of you, she left. She's in Europe somewhere with a guy named Serge."

"That sounds like Mom." In Pet's memories, she was always taking off alone to some exotic locale. She always complained that Daddy loved his work more than her.

"I have her cell phone number but I didn't want to call her unless I was sure it was really you. Now, I don't know what to do."

"Why don't you hold off calling her for a few weeks until I can get my life back in order?"

"That sounds like a good idea."

Colonel Jeffries intervened. "How about some lunch? I know the happy couple hasn't eaten," he said with a hint of sarcasm.

"Sounds good," I replied.

We went as a group down the hall to the private dining room where I had melted down last night. I didn't look forward to seeing Travels the Frozen Tundra. I could feel the anger in the pit of my stomach. My grip on Ian's hand tightened as we approached the door. He stopped.

"Are you going to be all right?"

"No. I'm not."

"What's wrong?" My father asked.

"Nothing. I just need a minute with her."

My father seemed concerned. "Okay…I'll see you inside?"

"Yes, in just a minute."

The others went in.

"Wanderer, I know this is difficult but please don't fall apart on me. If they think that I can't control you…wait. That's the wrong word. If they think that I can't help you from self destructing then they will have no reason to keep me around. Is that what you want?"

"No. Of course not. It's just so unfair. Nate doesn't need to be a soul. There are enough of us already."

"I know. Look at it this way. Doc can remove that scummy soul if he has to."

I hadn't thought of that. We could send him to the caverns and tell them that he died or that he just disappeared. At any rate, it was too much to think about now.

"Okay, I'll try my best but I can't promise I won't cry."

"Focus on your Dad."

"Okay."

We entered the dining hall and the others were in there including Travels the Frozen Tundra. Unlike yesterday, the President was not present. The atmosphere was more relaxed.

Fords Deep Water approached me immediately. "How are you feeling today?"

"A lot better. I had a good night's sleep and I was happy to be in the arms of my husband."

"Good. After lunch they are going to meet with all of you to discuss the conditions of the community. I will be here just in case. I also want you to know that in a few weeks I intend to visit you." He pulled me aside. "Your letter was quite a surprise. I wish during our conversation that I had known that you had first hand knowledge of the questions you asked, but then again I probably would have missed my conference." He smiled.

There was a buffet set out that included sandwiches, soups, salad, chips and beverages. I definitely ate like I was eating for two. Even Ian made a comment on the amount of food I consumed. I avoided conversation with Travels the Frozen Tundra. I couldn't even look at him. After we ate, President Halsden entered and the meeting began. Ian pulled a chair in front of him and set it sideways. He had me sit in front of him and he wrapped his arms around my waist and laid his hands across my belly.

The President spoke to us. "Mr. and Mrs. O'Shea, are you comfortable?"

Ian answered. "We're good."

"Mr. Hollister. It's nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about your work with the shuttle crafts." He walked to my father and shook his hand.

"Thank you Sir. It's good to meet you as well."

My father was sitting next to me and I reached out and held his hand.

The President took a deep breath. "Okay, let's get this meeting started. Last night ended badly. Even after all that, General Blue Flame, Colonel Jeffries, and I stayed up late hammering out the terms of this community you wish to establish."

Ian raised his hand. "Sir, the community is already established."

"I understand. Allow me to continue."

"Sorry."

"As was indicated yesterday, we need a soul who can travel back and forth regularly to represent the community. Your friend Nate is now sharing his host body with Seeker Travels the Frozen Tundra. I know this is difficult for both of them to endure. Having said that; Nate has agreed to give himself as host for the good of the community."

The tears began to well up in my eyes. I squeezed Ian's wrist. He leaned forward and put his chin on my shoulder. "It's okay. It's only for now. We'll figure a way out of this," he whispered. I wiped the tear that trickled down my cheek.

"Are you okay, Mrs. O'Shea?" I nodded my head in silence.

"I don't know how long Nate will remain in the conscious mind. It could be a week or it could be forever. No matter what, we are grateful to him for his sacrifice."

That was it. I put my hands over my face and began to cry. "It's not fair!"

Ian was up and out of his seat and kneeling in front of me in seconds.

"Shh...Shh...Shh… Babydoll. Look at me. Shake it off. Okay?"

I looked at Ian. His eyes were pleading with me.

"I'm okay. I can cry later." I reeled it in the best I could.

"Good girl." He kissed me briefly on the lips; then he got up and returned to his spot behind me.

"Mr. O'Shea."

"Yes, Sir?"

"You will replace Nate as the head human at the community. You will be responsible to make sure the other humans stay in line. You can appoint a task force if you like and they can be made up of humans or souls. That's your choice."

"Thank you, Sir."

"As for the land, I am told that Burns Living Flowers owns the land you currently inhabit. The surveyors were hired by the company that bought the adjoining land from his father eight years ago. I have contacted this company and the government is willing to buy this land back. This will give you another twenty acres of land to live on. It's a total of four square miles. It's not much."

"It's plenty," Ian commented.

"You say that now, but as more humans trickle into your community, you will find yourself crowded before you know it."

"How many humans are out there?" Ian asked.

"You'd be very surprised," the Colonel responded.

My father spoke up. "Sir, if I may?"

"Yes, Mr. Hollister?"

"I would like to research the land surrounding the existing community and if it is possible I would like to purchase some of that land and donate it to the cause."

"Oh Daddy! Thank you!"

"You're welcome my Pet… er I mean Wanderer." He smiled. "That's going to take some getting used to."

"I understand." I kissed him on the cheek.

Ian raised his hand again.

"Mr. O'Shea. You have another comment?"

"Actually, it's a question."

"Go ahead."

"I am in the process of building a home for my impending family. Many others are in the cave. It is cramped in there. Can we get the supplies to continue to build on the land?"

"Absolutely."

"Our biggest obstacle has been power. We are running a ton of electricity off of one line."

The President addressed the Colonel. "Colonel Jeffries, can you make that happen?"

"Yes, Sir."

I raised my hand now. "Mrs. O'Shea. What can we do for you?"

"It's not for me. Most of these humans haven't seen a dentist in over six years. Can you provide a dentist for these people?"

"I will get Colonel Jeffries right on it." He paused. "Colonel Jeffries will be your liaison for all of your needs."

Ian spoke up. "Will we be under lock and key?"

"This is a difficult decision for us. You have been there for the last several years and you have never given anyone in the area any trouble. We checked with the police department. As a matter of fact it seems that you have actually been helpful in getting other rogue humans out of the area and into your community. Therefore, it would make sense to not enforce unnecessary military presence. However, I have been advised by General Blue Flame to establish some sort of presence."

General Blue Flame, he was the same guy who set up the 'protocol' that separated me and Ian and Nate in the first place. He was the guy who obviously came up with the decision to implant them both. I truly did not like him.

"So, we have decided that we will place a post on the road somewhere between the entrance of the community and the town to make sure no one gets through who shouldn't. It is for your protection. We wouldn't want curious people or troublemakers barging onto the land. I see no need for an enclosure at this time."

"Can the souls still come and go as they please?"

"I don't see any reason why they can't. As you have indicated, they are a vital part of the community and they are the only ones who can go into society without fear of being seen."

I raised my hand. "I would like to suggest that we name our community rather than call it 'the community'."

"I see by the look on your face that you already have a name in mind."

"Yes. I would like to propose that we name it 'Downey'." I looked at Travels the Frozen Tundra. I was falling apart at the seams but I managed to speak. "Nate, you will always…" I had to stop because I couldn't see or speak. Ian rubbed my arms.

"Go ahead," he encouraged.

I took a deep ragged breath. "You will always be the leader and it would make me very happy to call our town 'Downey'. You've never said no to me before."

Travels the Frozen Tundra spoke. "Mrs. O'Shea, Nate says that he knows how much you love him and he would be honored to have the town named after him. He said…" His voice croaked. "He says I love you very much."

A lump rose in my throat. "I love you too." I stood up. "I have to go." I ran for the door.

"Wanderer?" Ian called.

"I'm sorry Ian. I tried. I really did." I left the room and ran for the bathroom.

It was my father who tracked me down in the bathroom.

"Wanderer, it's me, Dad. Let me in."

I opened the door and he came in. I was sitting on the toilet weeping.

"Sweetheart, I'm confused. I thought you are in love with Ian."

"I am."

"You act as though you are in love with this guy Nate."

"Oh Daddy, you just wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

"Ian is my true love but Nate will always have a special place in my heart. It took a long time for Ian to come to terms with that, but it doesn't matter now because they took him away from me." I started to cry again.

"Ian and Fords Deep Water are concerned about your health. The meeting is almost over. They asked me to watch over you. So what would you like to do?"

"Really?"

"Anything."

"I would like to go get an ice cream. Some of Pet's favorite memories were going to get ice cream with you."

So, my father whisked me off into a limousine and took me for an ice cream. We laughed and had fun like a father and daughter. He really pulled me back from the sadness that encompassed me. By the time we returned, the meeting had adjourned and poor Ian was pacing back in forth in the hall outside the meeting room. When he saw me he ran to me.

"Where the hell have you been?"

I laughed. He sounded like my old Ian. "I went to get an ice cream with my Dad."

"You might have said something. I was afraid they took you to the hospital or something."

"You always over react and I love you for it. Come on, my dad wants to take us out for dinner."

"Wanderer, have you lost your mind? I can't just go out in public!"

"Why not? What are they going to do? Call the military? We have a military escort silly. This is Washington."

I grabbed Ian's hand and dragged him out the door and into the waiting limousine. Captain Abbott, the officer who had delivered me to and from the military compound everyday was with us. He was our military escort. We had a fabulous dinner at a fine restaurant. We were seated in a private room probably so as to not disturb the other customers. I noticed that Ian kept his head down when we entered and when we departed. I really enjoyed the time I spent with Ian and my father. They got along well. Even Captain Abbott had a good time and his personality that he kept so hidden earlier had risen to the surface. When I said good bye to my father, he gave me several phone numbers in which to reach him and said he would come to visit as soon as we were ready for him.

By the time we got back to our bare room, we were satiated and sleepy. As we lay curled up in each others arms, I was ready to drift off to sleep.

"Wanderer?"

"Hmmm?"

"I have a question."

"What?"

He turned me over so he could talk to me face to face. "I am confused. The souls don't need money to purchase things, yet the President and your father told us that they were looking to _buy_ additional land surrounding the community. Can you explain that to me?"

"Sure. Products in stores and restaurants and services are free to all. There is inventory taken on all of these things. The more that is purchased by the public, the greater the value of the company or the service. We don't use dollars. It's more like a point system"

"You mean like the stock market?"

"Exactly. For example, a company that creates inexpensive watches may sell one hundred of them. If each watch is worth two points then the value of the company is two hundred points. Another company may sell a watch like mine that is worth twenty points. If the company sells twenty watches, then the value of the company is four hundred points. Understand?"

"Yes, but what about the land?"

"Land, businesses, and homes are the only things that are officially bought and sold. The point system of these items is based on size and demand. Obviously, land in town would be worth much more than the land on this mountain because there would be more demand for land within the town limits. The more points an individual has, the more power and position they hold."

"What if you don't have points? How do you get them?"

"Well, if you come from a family of position like I do, there's a certain percentage of points that automatically get put into your name at birth. If my father has say one hundred points and I am entitled to ten percent, I would automatically get ten points. Another way of getting points is through education. The more schooling you have, the more points you earn. You already know that job status earns points or position. A Seeker, a Healer, or any job that requires training or involves danger are high point earners. If you are in the public eye and your profession involves high amounts of purchases of the product involved, then you can become a person of position and therefore earn points. Those types of professions include actors, sports players, and people in the music industry."

"So the rich still get rich. It's just that there are no poor people anymore."

"Precisely."

"And I married a woman of position."

"Well, that depends on my father. He could list 'Pet' as dead and that would leave me with nothing. If he decides to accept me as his daughter, then he will have to make a name change from Pet Hollister to Wanderer O'Shea. That's going to take some explaining."

"True. Either way, I still love you and tomorrow we are going home."

"I'm nervous about that."

"Why?"

"Nate. He has blood relatives on that mountain. They are not exactly going to welcome Travels the Frozen Tundra with open arms and I don't blame them. I hate him."

"Hate is a strong word."

"I don't care. I really hate him."

"Okay, I don't want you to get upset again. Let's go to sleep."

It was too late. The emotions I had been suppressing came back and although I tried hard not to let Ian hear me, I cried myself to sleep. I would mourn the loss of my beloved Nate for a long time to come.

8


	50. Chapter 50

**I'm not really sure what happened in the last chapter but it seems that no one reviewed. I usually wait until I get ten reviews before I post the next chapter and it usually happens pretty quickly but this time it took 5 days.**

**Annabelle, you were the 10****th****. I was going to thank you but your' e-mail is blocked, so this is my thanks to you and the other 9 faithful who took the time to review: Ladaane, MagicalNikky, Mahi, Toalli, IanO'Shea, Barbie, Stubborn Pear, and abc123fak…and Annabelle who actually posted twice.**

A ROCKY HOMECOMING

THE FOLLOWING DAY, we were fed a light breakfast and ushered onto a military transport shuttle bound for home. Colonel Jeffries and his cohort Sergeant Woodfern accompanied us. During the flight, we were served lunch. The seats in the shuttle faced each other to make for easy conversation. Every time my eyes met Travels the Frozen Tundra's, I glared at him. He finally spoke to me.

"You know, I didn't ask for this assignment. Did you ask to be put into Melanie Stryder's body?"

I countered, "No. But I asked to be taken out."

"You skipped," he said dryly.

"Because I love her."

"If it makes you feel any better, I am taking the name Nathan Downey."

"It doesn't. You'll never be Nate. He is good and kind and smart and I love him. I hate you."

I could tell by his eyes that he and Nate were communicating. After a few minutes, he responded.

"That's too bad. Nate was hoping you would help the others to accept me. He says Ian should be happy that he can't disrupt your relationship anymore."

Ian sat forward. "Nate, you think I'm afraid of a little competition? And you, Travels the Frozen Tundra, let me tell you something. I would rather have Nate, the human; kiss my wife every single day than to deal with the likes of you." He paused. "Nate, you hear me? I just gave you a reason to come back. I've never known you not to accept a challenge."

Travels the Frozen Tundra replied, "He hears you loud and clear."

The Colonel walked down the aisle. "Are we having a problem here?"

"Nope," Ian said emphatically.

When the Colonel walked away, I went and sat next to the new Nate but I spoke to the old Nate. "Nate, I know you remember the conversation we had about your obsession with me. Keep your promise. Do you hear me?"

The new Nate spoke. "Stop it Wanderer, go back to your husband."

"You may call me Mrs. O'Shea," I hissed.

I went to the bathroom and cried yet again. Now, I knew how Jared felt all those months looking at Melanie and getting me. It's a wonder he _didn't_ kill me.

Ian finally came to the bathroom and coaxed me back out. He held me the rest of the trip. No one spoke as we traveled in the car to the mountain. As we pulled into the driveway it was unusually quiet up at the house. I borrowed the Sergeant's cell phone and Ian used it to call Burns.

"Hey Buddy."…"Yes, we're back."…"There's good news and bad news."…"I think you should bring Kyle and Ice with you. No one else yet."…"Okay."…"I'll see you in a few."

We entered the house and it was empty except for Maria, Kim, and Aunt Sue who were in the kitchen cooking. When they heard us come in, Maria poked her head through the door of the kitchen to investigate.

"They're back!" she cried.

Kim came out immediately and rushed up to Nate to hug him. When she saw his eyes, she stopped in horror. Just the look on her face was enough to send me over the edge yet again.

"Nate. Why?" she wailed.

Nate looked like a deer in headlights. It was obvious that nothing could prepare him for what was about to happen. Ian went to Kim to try and console her. I was sitting in a chair crying.

"He made the choice to save us all. He is a hero." Ian conveyed to her as best he could.

"I don't want a hero. I want my brother back!" she lamented. "Why didn't they take you?"

"They did," he replied.

"But you are human."

"I don't know exactly why they removed the Seeker. Maybe I was too strong and the Seeker didn't want to be in my head. I don't know. I wouldn't accept the Seeker and Nate for his own reasons has. He's still in there. You can talk to him."

Kim turned towards me and saw me sniveling on the couch.

"Is it true? Is he still there?"

I choked out the words. "He is…for now…but he has no control over his body and that includes speech. He hears us though."

Kim turned back to Nate. "Nate, if you are in there, talk to me. Remember when we were kids? Tell me something about our childhood."

"I can't," the new Nate replied.

"What do you mean, you can't? I thought my brother is in there?"

"He is, but he's blocking all of his memories. He's obviously protecting something. The only thing I see is Wanderer."

"That's Mrs. O'Shea to you!" I growled.

I could see Nate with that look again. "They are talking to each other."

"How do you know?" Kim asked.

"I just know."

At that moment Burns entered with Kyle, Ice, and Victoria in tow.

Ian blocked Nate. "I told you to bring Kyle and Ice. Why is she with you?"

I got up out of my chair and grabbed Nate and pulled him into the kitchen.

He was confused. "Why did you do that?"

"Because Victoria was carrying a gun."

I could hear the commotion in the living room. Victoria obviously was not thrilled about giving up her weapon. After a few minutes, Ian came in with Victoria's gun in hand.

"You can take him back to the living room now."

"I'm not going," I protested.

"Wanderer, he needs you!" Ian insisted.

"I don't want to be a part of that scene. She'll probably put the blame on me."

"Wanderer, I'm _not_ going to beg you to do this. It's an order," Ian hissed.

I stared at Ian. I had hatred in my eyes.

He continued. "Hate me if you want to, but if Nate can make the sacrifice he has made for us then it is our duty to keep these people from destroying what he has worked for. Do this for Nate."

I hated to admit it but Ian was right. We needed to keep the population under control. Victoria was one of our biggest concerns. I didn't answer Ian and I didn't look at him. I walked briskly past him and through the door to the living room. I walked directly up to Victoria. My eyes felt puffy and swollen from the tears I had shed so many times in the last twenty four hours.

"I want you to know that I had nothing to do with this and I hate this whole thing."

I turned to the Colonel and Sergeant who had been standing in the background observing the scene as it unfolded.

"If you needed a soul, you could have used me."

"You said you wanted to be a wife and mother," the Colonel replied.

I was shocked. "You mean this _is_ my fault?"

Ian came up behind me and put his hands over my arms. "No, this is _not_ your fault."

I ripped myself away from Ian and ran out the back door. I practically tripped over Maria who was sitting on the back steps sobbing. I kept on running towards the baseball field. When I got to the edge of the outfield I fell to my knees and threw up. It _was_ my fault! They took Nate away because of me. My heart was pounding. My head was pounding. I tried to concentrate on calming myself. Fords Deep Water said that I had disconnected. I didn't consciously _try _to do it so I could only assume that it was an involuntary reaction due to stress. I didn't want to die. Suddenly, I felt someone pick me up from behind. It wasn't Ian. It was Sergeant Woodfern.

"Your husband asked me to help you get home. He's very worried about you." He put me down on my feet and walked with me towards my home in the woods.

"If he's so worried, then why isn't he here?"

"He's tending to very important matters. He is a leader now."

"No. Nate is supposed to be the leader. Ian has always been the muscle."

"Well, right now, he's both."

"I don't want him to be the leader."

"Mrs. O'Shea, I don't mean to be rude, but you can't always get your way. It's time to put away those tears and grow up."

It was bad enough that Nate's implant was my fault but to tell me to stop crying about it? My head was about to explode. I was a pregnant woman on the edge.

"You know what? I can make it home from here. Go back to the Colonel and all the grown ups."

"I'm sorry, I can't do that. I'm under orders to stay with you until Mr. O'Shea returns."

I stormed off ahead of him and when I reached the house, I went inside and rushed to my bedroom and locked the door. I was so infuriated. I laid on the bed and turned on the TV that we had put in when we returned from the caverns. I stared at it and flipped through the channels until I found a show that could keep my interest. It was dark before I finally heard voices in the house. I heard the front door again. I could only assume that it was the Sergeant leaving. After another minute the bedroom doorknob rattled.

"Wanderer, open this door!" Ian shouted. I had forgotten I had locked it. I jumped off the bed and unlocked the door. Ian opened it immediately and stepped inside. He wasn't happy.

"Don't lock me out," he said flatly.

"I forgot I had locked it."

He picked up the remote and shut off the television.

"I'm disappointed in you."

"Well, I'm disappointed in you!" I retorted.

"In me? What did I do to disappoint you?"

"You knew how distraught I was about Nate and you forced me to go and face Victoria. Then you sent Sergeant Woodfern after me because _you_ were concerned?"

Ian looked away from me to the corner of the room. He tapped his foot on the floor. He was pissed. "Look, I am under a lot of stress here. I am trying to keep this whole thing from going down the tubes. We had a meeting in the caves. Everyone was there except you. They wanted to know where you were. I had to tell them you weren't feeling well."

"I wasn't," I said in my defense.

"You know what?"

He didn't finish. He walked over to the dresser and pulled out a handful of clothes. He emptied the bag of clothes he brought back from the trip onto the floor and stuffed the clean clothes into it with his toothbrush.

"Ian, what are you doing?"

"Wanderer, I love you, Lord only knows how much I love you, but I can't deal with you right now. I'm going to sleep in the bunkhouse."

"Ian!" I cried.

"If I stay right now, it will only get worse. I needed you by my side tonight and you weren't there."

He walked out of the bedroom and I ran after him. He continued to the front door and I grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"Ian, I'm sorry."

"Look, I know you are devastated at losing Nate. He was my friend too, but I am your husband. I've begged, pleaded, and even ordered you to help me here. Honestly, I don't know what else to do!"

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry doesn't cut it. Colonel Jeffries is probably wondering if he made the right decision putting me in charge. I can't even get my own wife to back me up."

"Please don't go. I need you."

"I needed you." He opened the door and walked out.

Needless to say, I cried myself to sleep, only this time it was over Ian instead of Nate. In the morning, I was awakened by someone knocking on the front door. I got up and answered it. It was Victoria.

"Hey, can I come in?"

"Uh, sure." I had no idea what time it was and I had no idea what to expect from this visit. I led her to the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee.

"Let me start by saying that I don't blame you."

"Well, you should. The Colonel said himself that it was my fault."

She didn't answer right away. She got up and helped me by getting the cups and spoons.

"Do you know where I slept last night?" She answered before I could guess. "The dugout. You know where Ian slept last night? …same place."

"You slept with him?"

"Don't be absurd. We just both had the same idea of going to the dugout to be alone. We talked a lot." She paused. "We cried too."

"He told me he was going to sleep in the bunkhouse," I responded.

"He didn't want the Colonel to know you were fighting."

"He should have come home."

"He couldn't. He thinks you love Nate more than him."

"That's crazy!"

"Is it? Nate made a choice and so did Ian. Ian fought so hard, his Seeker chose to skip. He's the real hero. Now, in the aftermath he is the one who is supposed to stay strong and lead the people. All the while, the woman he loves has abandoned him. Do you think Nate would be happy knowing he was the reason for your breakup?"

"Breakup? Who said anything about a breakup?"

She didn't speak.

"Ian wants to leave me?"

"No, of course not. He just wonders if you'd be better off without him. He says your father can give you anything you want."

"Oh my God! What is he thinking?"

"You need to support him, even if it kills you. If you love him, you will bite the bullet. Cry on your own time."

"Thank you Victoria."

We had coffee and I offered her the shower considering she slept on a bench. When she left the house, her final words to me were "I wasn't here. Ian would be upset if he knew I blabbed our conversation to you."

After Victoria left, I showered and dressed. I walked to the house and found Ian, the Colonel, the Sergeant, the new Nate, Kyle, and Burns at the dining room table having a meeting on security. It was still early. Victoria had come to me at six o'clock in the morning. Ian looked up briefly when I came through the door. I put on my best game face and walked directly over to Ian.

"Excuse me, gentlemen." I bent over so my face was even with Ian's. "Sweetheart, you were already gone when I woke up. I didn't get my morning kiss." I put my hands on his face which was scruffy because he hadn't shaved and pressed my lips to his. He had no choice but to kiss me. I straightened up and asked, "Would you like me to make you all breakfast?"

The Colonel answered. "That would be very nice of you, Mrs. O'Shea. I hope you are feeling better this morning."

"Yes, this has been a difficult pregnancy for me. I intend to see Doc later this morning about my headaches." I glanced at Ian before returning my attention to the others. "Colonel, how would you like your eggs?"

"Scrambled will be fine."

"Sergeant?"

"Scrambled as well."

I smiled. "Must be a military thing. Kyle you like your eggs over easy like me. Ian, you want sunny side up?"

"Yes, please."

"Nate?"

"Any way is good." He was new to this host and since Nate was blocking memories, he didn't know how he liked them.

I smiled. "You always preferred scrambled with cheese."

The Colonel piped up. "I'd like cheese on mine, if you don't mind."

"Sergeant?"

"Sure, thank you Mrs. O'Shea."

"Call me Wanderer. Burns, the usual?"

"Absolutely."

I disappeared into the kitchen and went to work. I cooked up a pound of bacon. While that was cooking, I made another pot of coffee and refreshed their empty cups. When I poured Ian's he reached out for my loose hand and squeezed it gently. This was a good sign.

I scrambled all of the eggs first and put them on plates. I placed these plates in the warm oven with the bacon. I made two pieces of toast for each and then cooked the rest of the eggs including mine. As I served the food I asked, "Do you mind if I join you while you eat?"

"We wouldn't have it any other way," Burns replied as the owner of the house. Ian got up and offered me his chair. He went to the bedroom to retrieve another chair for himself. The conversation was pleasant although Ian was quiet. When we finished, Nate jumped up to help clear.

I took the plates from his hand. "Thank you. I'll get it. You continue your meeting."

"Thank you. Breakfast was excellent," Nate said.

As I finished with the last of the dishes, some of the kids had begun to trickle into the house looking for cereal and TV. I popped back into the dining room. I inadvertently interrupted an intense conversation.

"Sorry, I just wanted to say I am off to find Doc. I guess I'll see you all later."

Ian stood up. "Excuse me while I walk her out."

"No need." I chirped as I exited the dining room.

I did find Doc. I was concerned that I hadn't felt any more fluttering in my belly. He listened for the baby's heartbeat. He didn't have an ultra sound machine so I couldn't hear it but he said it was strong. He also eased my fears about the fluttering. He said I could go days without feeling the baby move simply because of how he or she may be positioned. My depression wasn't helping either. He said I should stay active. I went home and danced. It made me feel better.

I didn't see Ian all day. Dinner was always served around six so I headed for the dining room. None of the guys in the security group were there. I was told they went to town for supplies. It made me nervous that Kyle and Ian were the only humans on this trip. It would be so easy to implant them. Ten o'clock came and they still weren't back. I planted myself on the couch at the house along with Lily and Sunny. They didn't show up until after midnight and they were all drunk including the Colonel. I stepped out on the back porch with Lily and Sunny.

Ian practically fell out of the vehicle. He looked up and saw me. "Oh crap."

Nate fell out beside him and he looked up at me too. "Damn, it must suck to be you right now."

Kyle came around the corner and stood next to them. He looked me up and down. "You know? You're right! Even pregnant, she's a hot little number."

"Shut up. You've got your own piece of ass," Ian blurted out.

"I don't," Nate blubbered. "Can I take a stab at her?"

"Listen you little weasel, Travels to the Wrong Planet or whatever the hell your name is. I'm the only one who will be taking a stab at her." Ian approached me. "Come here, wife. I need some attention." He wrapped his arms around me and tried to kiss me. He didn't smell like beer. He smelled like whiskey and he was totally trashed.

"Ian, stop it."

"Come on, Baby. You're the sex fiend." He ran his hands down my back to my buttocks in front of everyone.

"Stop it!" He wouldn't let go.

Two soldiers who were designated drivers for the night came up and pulled Ian off of me. As soon as I was free, I slapped him in the face. The soldiers each had one of Ian's arms so he couldn't reciprocate.

"Don't hit me again!" he growled.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. O'Shea. They are all in this state. We were going to herd them all to the bunkhouse to sleep it off."

I was so angry; I couldn't even find the words to express what I was feeling. Here I was worried about him. I hated to admit it but right now our relationship was on a slippery slope.

"I'm going home." I began to walk away.

"Would you like one of us to walk you home?" One of the soldiers asked.

I turned towards them but continued walking backwards. "No, you two have your hands full besides the only ones who might rape me are with you."

Ian yelled out, "It's not rape when you want it!"

I marched all the way home cursing Ian. I locked the door when I got home, just in case. The tears held off until I was in my bed. At first they were tears of anger. Later, they were tears of sorrow.

Again I was awakened in the morning by someone banging on the front door. It was Ian and he was cursing.

"Damn it, Wanderer. Open this door!"

I took my time getting to the door to open it. Neither of us seemed happy to see the other.

"I'm just here to shower and then I have to go."

He walked past me and went to the bedroom for clean clothes. I already had a headache. Doc said headaches are not uncommon during a pregnancy. I was spared the morning sickness in the first trimester. I guess I was doomed to suffer these headaches instead. I wasn't in the mood to argue with him. I went back to bed.

When he emerged from the shower, he sat on the edge of the bed. I was lying with my back to him. He put his hand on my hip.

"Look, we need to talk. The Colonel and most of the military presence are leaving tomorrow. Can you just give me one more day?"

"Whatever." My head was pounding. I just wanted him to leave. Maybe it was the fact that I wasn't fighting back that tipped him off like the time in the root cellar.

"Wanderer, are you okay?"

"No, my head is pounding."

"Headache?"

"Yes."

"I'll send Doc over. I'm sorry about last night. We just needed to blow off some steam."

"You embarrassed me."

He was quiet for a moment. My back was still towards him. He patted my hip. "We'll talk tonight." He got up and left the room.

Doc showed up at the house about a half hour later. He let himself in and knocked on the bedroom door.

"Come in."

"Hey Wanda. Ian sent me over. He says you have another headache."

"Yes, I woke up with it."

"You know I can't give you 'No Pain'. It's not good for the baby. Candy said it should only be given in extreme cases like when you were shot. Let's get you up and out into the fresh air."

I dressed and Doc and I went for a walk in the woods.

"I think Ian is doing a fine job trying to get this whole thing set up for us. He really wants this to work out. It's a lot to deal with."

"They all went to town and got trashed last night."

"Yeah, well, I've been known to use libation in times of stress. Remember Walter? I wasn't exactly on the straight and narrow myself during that time."

"True, but you didn't treat Sharon like a piece of meat either."

"Yeah, I heard about that. This is just a suggestion but if you had just taken him home chances are he would have passed out before he could violate you."

We walked in silence for a few minutes before he spoke again. "Try to cut him some slack. He didn't ask for this job. It was shoved in his face."

"I know, but I didn't marry a leader. I married the coach and the construction guy."

"Life changes, if it didn't time would stand still. You took him 'for better or for worse'. It's just because this whole thing is new. Eventually, Nate will take on a lot of the duties once our people trust him and then Ian can go back to being Ian. He's only got four months until the baby comes and then you will really need him."

"I'll never trust the new Nate. His reason for being put into this host is to gather information. He's the worst kind of Seeker. He works from the inside out. Last night, when they got drunk, who knows if Nate let his walls slip."

"Well, according to Ian, Nate is using you to keep the Seeker from seeing anything. If you are nice to the Seeker, it might work to our advantage. If he fell for you the way Nate has then he might choose to skip simply to run away from a broken heart or he could come over to our side like you did….And Sunny did….And Ice did."

"They weren't Seekers."

"Burns is a Seeker."

"In name only."

"Just think about it."

We walked a little more.

"How's your headache?"

"Better, much less pounding. It's more like a dull ache."

"It's almost lunch. Let's go to the dining hall."

Ian and the others were already there when Doc and I arrived at the dining hall. I wasn't sure what to do. As Ian approached us, I walked away to where the food was. He didn't follow me. He went straight to Doc. They spoke for several minutes while I filled my plate. I sat at a table with Megan, Jamie, Kim, and Priscilla. He came over to the table.

"Wanderer, can I speak with you outside please?"

I rose quietly and he took me by the hand and escorted me outside. Once outside, he released my hand. I got the feeling he only held my hand as a show for the Colonel. He spoke to me but his eyes were on the trees in the distance.

"Doc says he can't give you anything for the headaches."

"No. He said it's not good for the baby."

"He said fresh air and exercise are the best things for your headaches." He still wouldn't look at me. It made me very uneasy.

"Yes, he took me for a walk and it helped. Ian, would you please _look_ at me?"

He looked at me but I didn't see my Ian. He was distant. He was pulling away again like he did in the days when I first admitted that I was in love with Nate.

"We are having a baseball game after dinner. Some of the soldiers are playing. Do you want to play?"

"You don't think that would be dangerous?" Two months ago we had this fight because he _didn't_ want me to play.

"I'll keep you in the outfield, less chance of anything happening. You'll get exercise just running after the ball."

"What other girls are playing?"

"Only Megan. She can hold her own against the guys."

"Are you going to yell at me? I don't want to play if I'm going to get yelled at."

He sighed and shifted his weight to the other foot. He hooked his pinky in mine. "I don't want to yell at you."

"I think you do."

He released my pinky. "Look. I don't want to have this discussion right now. Do you want to play or not?" He took a step back.

"I do."

"Okay." He took my hand to lead me back inside. I pulled back.

"Under one condition."

"What's that?" He looked annoyed that I would make a demand.

"Kiss me. Kiss me like you mean it."

"Wanderer," he said in protest.

"Please Ian. I'm begging. Please?"

He put his arm around my waist and leaned in and kissed me conservatively. I put my hand behind his head and ran my fingers through his hair. He tried to pull back after only a few seconds but I hung on. "I love you, Ian." I pressed my lips to him again and his stiffness began to loosen up and he finally began to kiss me back. When he pulled away, he leaned his forehead against mine with his eyes closed.

"We still have to talk," he murmured.

"I know. I just need to know that you love me."

"I love you," he whispered.

I pulled his face to mine again and he kissed me more passionately this time. The Colonel came outside and caught us.

"You two just can't get enough of each other, can you?"

He obviously had no clue of the destruction his presence had caused our relationship. I suppose that it was a good thing that he thought we were fine. I hoped we were fine but I knew in my heart that we weren't.

Ian pulled away. "I'll see you at dinner?"

"I'll be there. Will you?" I said it with a hint of sarcasm.

"I promise."

I turned to the Colonel. "Colonel, did you hear that? He promised he'd be here for dinner."

"I hear you," the Colonel answered.

11


	51. Chapter 51

**I took the last chapter and split it in two. So, after this chapter you will be reading the final chapter to this story…after that will be a short epilogue. It was good to hear from some new readers…ivamp3, alexandraaa13, and Kenny9107. Unfortunately it seems I am unable to write you back. So, thank you for the kind words.**

THE MISSION

I SPENT THE AFTERNOON DOING LAUNDRY in the root cellar. My laundry room at the house wasn't completed. Luckily, my headache had subsided. At dinner time, I went to the dining hall. Ian and the other militants weren't there. If I didn't know any better, I'd swear the Colonel did it on purpose. I got the feeling he didn't like being told what to do and I practically demanded that Ian show up for dinner. I could feel my anger bubbling to the surface. I sat with Sunny and Lily who also didn't look happy about the missing men. A few minutes later, they all filed in. Ian came directly to me.

"I'm sorry, I'm late. We had to finish up some things before the game."

Sunny and Lily each moved so our men could sit next to us. I wasn't sure what to feel. On the one hand, I was annoyed that he was late. On the other hand, I was grateful that he showed up at all. Ian and I didn't really speak to each other but rather conversed to the others at the table. After dinner, we walked as a group outside.

"I need to get the equipment from the root cellar. I'll meet you at the field." He kissed the top of my head and walked off with Kyle and Burns.

During the game I played outfield just as Ian had promised. I actually caught two deep hits for outs which made Ian happy. I was out twice when I came up to bat. The other two times I lucked out and was walked. When we were in the dugout, I sat next to Ian but he was so into the game; he pretty much ignored me. The one time I got attention was when Blake hit a ground ball past second base and I ran home for a run. Then he kissed me quickly on the lips and said, 'You scored. Way to go'.

By the time the game was over, it was dark. I was tired. Ian said he'd meet me at home as soon as he put away the equipment. That was at nine o'clock. He rolled in at eleven. I was asleep. He shook me awake.

"Wanderer, I don't mean to wake you, but we need to talk about our future."

He said 'our future'. I started to feel queasy. I sat up on the bed.

"I don't think we should talk here. It's too easy to fall into old habits. Come to the kitchen. I'll meet you in there." He got up and walked away.

I started to panic. I could feel a shudder go through my entire body. It was like that feeling you get when you think about dying and you don't want to. I got up and went to the bathroom. My stomach was doing flip flops. I tried deep breathing. I brushed my teeth. When I touched the back of my tongue with the toothbrush; it caused me to convulse and then everything came up. Luckily, I was standing next to the toilet. There was a light knock at the door.

"Wanderer, are you okay?" He opened the door to see me heaving into the toilet. "You didn't tell me you were sick."

"I wasn't." He helped me to my feet. I washed my face and brushed my teeth again while he stood in the doorway watching me.

When I finished he walked into the kitchen with me following behind him.

"Have a seat."

"I don't want to sit."

He puffed out a deep sigh. I stood up against the kitchen sink with my arms folded across my chest.

"Wanderer, I…" He stopped. He sighed again.

"What?"

"I think that with everything that's going on here at the mountain and between us that you should move in with your father."

"What? Are you insane? I'm not divorcing you. I love you."

"I'm not saying forever but this pregnancy has got you sick and face it; we aren't in a good place as a couple."

"Are you giving up on me?"

"No. I just don't have the time you need me to give you right now." He ran his fingers through his hair. "If there was ever a time that I needed Nate for your sake, it's now."

I started to cry. "I'm not leaving. You can't make me leave!"

"Then I will leave. I will move into the bunkhouse."

"No, you won't. I'll follow you wherever you go. Ian Thomas O'Shea, you took a vow and you are going to honor it."

"Don't you see, Wanderer? There's not enough of me to go around. You want too much."

"I'll take what you can give me." I was desperate.

He looked at the floor

"Is there someone else? Victoria?"

"No, nobody else."

"Is it because I'm fat and ugly?"

He looked up at me for the first time. "No. You are so beautiful."

"Then what's wrong with me?"

He put his hands in his pockets and looked me dead in the eye.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yes." I was choking back the tears.

"The problem is I need you. I need you to help me. I need you to be my cheerleader, like you did yesterday morning at breakfast. The easier my day goes; the more time I have for you. I'm under so much stress right now."

"I want to be there for you, I do. I didn't realize that this Nate thing would be so hard for me to accept. I'm trying to handle it. "

He lowered his eyes to the floor again. "That's another thing. Do you wish it was me instead of him?"

"What? No! How could you even think that?"

"You cry for him every other minute. Did you even cry for me?"

"When it happened to you, I disconnected. Did they explain that to you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"In Washington, when I first saw you, did you think I fainted?"

"Didn't you?"

"No. Fords Deep Water told me when I woke up in the bed that I was down for nearly an hour. Apparently, I removed myself from my host. He said I nearly died. He said that not many souls can disconnect like that without shredding the brain. He had to pull me out of this body and do some kind of massage on my soul so that I would reconnect when he put me back. He said it was like having a heart attack."

"You tried to kill yourself?"

"I didn't mean to! I saw you like that and I just shut down. That's why he stayed so close to me after that. He was afraid it might happen again."

Ian walked up to me and hugged me. "Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"I thought you knew. You were there."

"No, I wasn't. When you fainted, they removed me from the situation. The Seeker was told it might be better for you not to see us. I assumed you were okay."

"Ian, you are my world. Don't you know that?"

He stepped back.

"Wanderer, I can't be your world. I'm trying to save _this_ world right now. That's why I think it's best to send you to your father. He can take care of you."

"I don't need him to take care of me. I need you."

"My days are filled with taking orders from the Colonel and giving orders to everyone else. I can't spend my days with you."

"Ian, I'll take what I can get. I'll take one minute of your time if that's all you've got to offer but please don't shut me out." I walked towards him and he put his hands on my face.

"Are you sure you can handle that?"

I nodded my head. "Yes."

"I'm sorry," he said barely above a whisper.

Was he sorry that he wasn't going to accept my offer? "What?"

"I'm sorry about treating you badly last night when I was drunk. Please forgive me for that."

I was so relieved. "I don't want to waist my minute fighting with you."

"I don't either." He cradled my chin in his hand and kissed me gently. "It's not rape if you want it."

"You remember that?"

"I remember everything I said last night. I told you I'm not a blackout drunk. I'm just a mean drunk." He kissed me again but he teased me by pulling my lower lip with his teeth. He knew my weakness. "You didn't answer my question."

"What question?"

"The sex. Do you want it?"

"That's a silly question."

"How's your headache?"

I smiled at him. "What headache?" His lips hit me like an explosion. He start pulling my clothes off while he kissed me, then he scooped me up in his arms and carried me to the bedroom.

As he laid me on the bed he whispered. "Don't let me do this all night. I have to get up early."

"Ian. You don't have to make love to me if you are too tired." I wanted him so badly but I was trying to be considerate.

He laughed. "You're kidding right? It would take more than two soldiers to pull me off of you right now."

He made love to me. He was gentle and loving. When we were done I was like a kitten as I curled into his waiting arms.

"That was a great 'minute'."

He laughed.

Suddenly I felt the fluttering. Actually, it was more than that. It was like a thump. "Oh!"

"What?"

I took his hand and laid it on my abdomen. It took a minute and then there was another thump.

"Was that the baby?"

"Yes."

Ian smiled and turned on the light. He pulled the blanket off of me and stared at my belly. "Make him do it again."

"I can't _make_ him do it."

He leaned close to my stomach. "Come on, little baby, kick for Daddy." There was another thump. "I saw it! He kicked!"

"He must have heard you."

"That's just amazing." He kissed my belly. I turned off the light and he lay back down with his hand on my abdomen. "Now, I'll never fall asleep."

The following day, Ian was reinvigorated. He left the house in a great mood. I joined him later to say good bye to the Colonel and the Sergeant. The troops pulled out. They left behind a group of five soldiers. In charge was one of the soldiers who had dealt with Ian the night he was drunk. His name was Sergeant Smiling at the Moon. He had four men under him who were to work with Ian to get the 'guard post' built down the road. They were also going to put up a false chain link fence that led to nowhere but gave the illusion that the community was enclosed.

For the next few days following the departure of the military, Ian and I settled into a more structured way of life. He was up and out of the house every morning by seven o'clock. I would get up and make coffee and a toasted bagel for him while he was in the shower. Most of his day was spent down the road working on the guard post. I resumed teaching my dance classes in the afternoon. I offered to do the laundry for the soldiers. I was trying to be the supportive wife. In return, Ian always made sure he was home by six o'clock.

On the third day, I went into town and bought food to fill my now completed kitchen. I cooked my first meal for Ian that night. I set our kitchen table for a romantic dinner with candles and served it wearing a cute little nightie. He complimented my dinner but his appetite was elsewhere. It was a very romantic night.

The fourth day was Sunday. Ian called a meeting in the main house and requested me and Sunny to attend. He wouldn't tell me what it was about but he said 'he needed me for a special mission'. When we arrived at the house, I noticed Ice was hanging out on the back porch.

"Are Kyle and Sunny here yet?" Ian asked.

"No, do you want me to go and get them?"

"No, I need you to watch the door."

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Babe, you go inside with Burns. I'll go get Kyle."

I went inside. Burns and Doc were both inside waiting in the kitchen. I noticed that the new Nate was missing. After a few minutes Ian, Kyle, and Sunny entered the kitchen.

Ian stood at the head of the table. "You may note that Nate is not here. That is because we need to talk about the caverns. They have no cell phones because all of the souls are here. That means they are also running out of food and supplies unless Jared has gone on a raid. Sunny and Wanderer, I need you to help me help them. As souls, you have the freedom to come and go from here. I want you to go to the caverns and bring them supplies. Talk to Melanie and Jared. Wanderer, explain everything that happened here and in Washington. Tell them about Jamie's slip and that they believe that Mel, Jared, and Jesse live here on the mountain. Tel them that they can all come here to live if they want to, but make it clear that for now, the outside world still doesn't know about them."

"Do you think Jeb and the others will leave the caverns?" Burns asked.

"No, I don't. If given the choice in the same situation I probably wouldn't. They need to be told that those of us who are already here have to stay for two reasons. The first is each person has been counted as a member of the community. Second, if they disappear it will raise red flags as to where they went and then all of us would be in danger of losing what we have fought so hard to accomplish. If they choose to stay at the caverns, tell them we will send someone to them as often as we can with supplies. They have less people there now with the eight of us living here so their supplies will last longer."

I was stating at Doc who looked very pensive. "What about Sharon?" I asked.

"It's up to her. You did tell the Colonel that Mel and Jared went looking for her so it wouldn't be unrealistic for them to return with her."

Doc spoke up. "Tell her that I love her no matter what she decides."

"Ian, when do we have to leave?"

Ian looked directly at me. "Babydoll, you have to leave now. I'll tell them that you and Sunny decided to visit your father. They would believe that."

I had no time to emotionally prepare myself for this. Ice entered the kitchen. "Nate's on his way in."

"Ice, you came in to eat. Babe, follow my lead."

As Nate entered the kitchen, Ian spoke to me.

"So how long do you and Sunny plan to be at your father's?"

"I don't know. Not that long. A week maybe?"

"Babe, I'm not thrilled about you leaving but if Doc says you are okay to travel..."

Sunny spoke up. "Think about all the work you and Kyle can get done with us out of your hair."

"True," Ian admitted. "I guess if Kyle is okay with it, then I'll survive."

Kyle spoke. "I don't own Sunny and we're not married." He looked directly at Sunny. "As long as you come back this time."

"I promise I'll come back. I've come to realize that I can't live without you."

Nate finally spoke. "You're going to see your father?"

"Yes, Sunny's coming with me. I knew Ian wouldn't let me go alone."

"Oh." He sounded disappointed.

"You have a problem with my leaving?"

"No, Nate just…well, he said to wear your watch."

I hadn't worn it since they took us to Washington. I didn't want it to be taken from me. I walked up to Nate and looked into his eyes searching past the silver rings to the human inside. "Nate, don't you give up. I love you dearly and I miss you terribly. Why do you think I don't go in the game room at night? That was our time. It hurts to be there without you. I promise I'll wear your watch and I will think about you every time I look at it." I kissed my palm and blew the kiss towards the new Nate. "That's for you, my sweet Nate."

Ian was silent and he looked at the floor. I grabbed his hand. "Do you have time to help me pack?"

"I'll make the time."

He was quiet as we walked back to the house. "Thank you for allowing me that."

"It still bothers me but I wish Nate was here too."

Back at the house, I packed my clothes while Ian sat on the bed watching me.

"I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you, too."

"You be careful. Don't let Jeb talk you into staying."

"I won't."

We were silent. I walked over to Ian and put my arms around his neck.

"What are you worried about?"

"I don't know. I just have this horrible feeling that if I let you go, you won't come back."

"The other day, you _wanted_ me to leave."

"I really didn't. I was giving you the opportunity if you wanted it. I was relieved you didn't want to go."

"So, why would you be worried now?"

"I don't know. It's the whole disconnect thing. I don't want that to happen again especially knowing it takes a doctor to remove you to keep you from dying."

"I'll call you as often as I can. I'll be fine. I'm not under stress right now. I have you and that's all that matters."

He leaned in to kiss me. I kissed him quickly and then pulled away.

"Hey!" he whined.

"Sorry. My husband said I have to leave right away," I teased.

Ian pulled me tightly against him. "Since when do you listen to your husband?"

"Since I realized that he is always right."

"You know you are not helping. You are just going to make me miss you more. Are you sure you don't want to start a fight with me before you go?"

"Sorry, no can do. I love you too much."

I leaned in to kiss him and he pushed me onto the bed.

"One little quickie before you go."

"Ian, no!"

"Come on, It's not rape it you want it!"

I gave into his needs. It was such a sacrifice. At least I left the mountain with three things: a smile on my face, a rock on my finger, and a watch on my wrist.

I decided to call my father as soon as we were on the road.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Hollister?"

"Who is this?"

"Um, it's me, Wanderer."

"Wanderer, good to hear from you, but please don't call me Mr. Hollister. I would like it of you would call me Dad or Daddy. That's what Pet always called me."

"I know. I wanted to ask you for a huge favor."

"Name it."

"Well I am on the road and will be for about the next week or so. I need you to cover for me."

"What do you mean?"

"Um, if anyone asks, will you please tell them that me and my friend Sunny are visiting you?"

"Wanderer, you know I would do anything for you but why _can't_ you come and visit me? Then it wouldn't be a lie."

"Let me call Ian and let him know that you want me to visit and see what he says. Then I'll call you back."

"You need to get permission from your husband?"

"It's not that. What I'm doing involves risk and I want him to be aware of my time line."

"Why would Ian let you put yourself at risk?"

"Trust me, Daddy. If there was any other way, Ian would do it himself. Remember, he is human not a soul."

"So you keep reminding me."

"Daddy! I love him!"

"I know, Princess. Just call me back."

"Okay."

I hung up the phone and dialed my own phone number. I had given Ian my cell phone so he wouldn't have to depend on Burns or Nate to track him down for my phone calls. He picked it up after the first ring.

"Babe, I was about to call you. We have a problem."

"What?"

"All the vehicles at the mountain have tracking devices on them."

"How do you know?"

"I overheard Nate talking to someone. I'm assuming it was the Colonel or maybe even General Blue Flame."

"My money's on the General. I don't like him at all. It was because of him that you were implanted in the first place."

"You're going to have to turn around and come home. Tell them you got sick or something."

"No, it's okay."

"It's _not _okay, Wanderer. They'll track you to the caverns."

"No. Listen, I called my Dad and he begged me to come and visit him. We can go there and then take one of his vehicles to the caverns. Sunny's car can sit at my Dad's house until we are done."

"Oh, Babydoll, I love you!"

"My trip will take a little longer though. I should spend at least a couple of days with my Dad."

"You'll call me right?"

"You know I will."

"You've only been gone an hour and I'm worried about you already."

"Don't be. My leader trusted me to do this and I will not disappoint him."

"I love you."

"I love you too, Superman."

I called my father back and told him I was coming to visit. He was thrilled. We arrived in the early afternoon, and he had Mercedes, the cook, prepare us a fabulous dinner. For me, it was coming home to Daddy. For Sunny, it was like a Club Med experience. She didn't want to leave. I promised her that after our trip to the caverns we could spend a few days here and she seemed content with that. I spoke to my father and explained that I had something important to do for someone and that it needed to be kept a secret. Although he was curious, he understood my reasons for keeping him in the dark. The less he knew the better. He let us take the Escalade. The great thing was the Escalade could hold a ton of supplies. We stopped at six different grocery stores along the way and purchased an enormous amount of food, both perishable and non-perishable. We also filled a couple of hand held gas tanks for the generator.

We arrived at the caverns after dark. They were running double duty. Brandon had duty out at the garage. As we pulled up in the jeep, he came out of hiding.

"Wanda! Sunny! We thought you guys were done for. Jared was planning on leaving tonight to go on a raid."

"No need. We brought fresh supplies with us but it's in the other vehicle. We didn't want to risk getting shot by not going through the proper channels. If you head back to the caverns and let them know that we are here; we'll go back and get the SUV and drive it directly to the overhang."

By the time we reached the overhang, there were half a dozen people waiting for us. Jeb, Jared and Mel, Sharon, Brandon, and Reid were all there. Reid opened the back of the Escalade. "Holy cow! That's a lot of stuff."

"We thought you'd be pretty low on supplies."

Melanie hugged me. "Where's Jamie?"

"He's still at the mountain. He couldn't come with us. Right now, there is no reason for a human to leave the mountain. It would only cause suspicion. Everyone is healthy. We only had one casualty."

Sharon stepped forward. "Who died?"

"No one died, exactly." I toyed with my watch. "It's Nate. They implanted a Seeker into him. They put one into Ian too, but they pulled him back out. I'm not sure why. Ian thinks it was because he was too strong. He wouldn't let the Seeker see anything except me and you know a lot of those memories are 'X' rated. Also, I tried to kill myself, sort of. I think they wanted to keep us around as a couple, you know, soul slash human to see how it plays out in the long run."

Melanie pulled back and smiled. "Look at your pregnant self! You are so cute!"

Jeb interrupted her. "If Nate's been implanted then what's keeping the Seeker from knowing about us?"

"Nate is also using memories of me to keep his Seeker from seeing anything. Of course those memories aren't as 'vivid' as Ian's. I don't know how long he can do that though."

Jeb shook his head. "Well, let's get these supplies inside and we'll call a meeting and you can tell us everything."

Jared slapped the side of the Escalade. "Nice ride!"

"It's my father's."

"Your father?"

Sunny exploded. "Oh my god, her father is filthy rich! Did you know you kidnapped a rich kid?"

"No, I didn't know. We just nabbed her from the parking lot of the mall."

"Her father owns a company that builds air shuttles."

"He just makes some of the parts," I corrected her.

A meeting was called in the main cavern. Everyone was there except Brandon and Reid who were on guard duty. There were only eighteen of us altogether including Jessie who was so adorable it made it difficult for me to concentrate on my purpose for being there. I hadn't realized how many cavern dwellers were now living on the mountain. I ran the list off in my head. There was me, Ian, Kyle, Sunny, Ice, Heidi, Doc, Candy, Jamie, and Lily. I couldn't really count Ian's parents because they didn't stay very long at the caverns before relocating to the mountain.

I informed them of that first day when I got shot and the subsequent interviews with the Colonel. I told them of our trip to Washington, Ian and Nate's implanting, as well as my near death experience because of it. After all the drama had unfolded, I told them of my reunion with Pet's father and his willingness to accept me as his daughter which caught me by surprise.

Finally, I told them of the terms given to us in order to remain as a community on the mountain. When I spoke of Nate my eyes began to pool with tears. I let them know that Ian had been appointed the leader by the military. I told them that we were gifted an additional amount of land and that we had permission to build. I let them know that although the souls had the freedom to come and go that Ian found out that the vehicles had tracking devices placed on them and that is why we took the Escalade from my father's house and left Sunny's car behind.

"Ian says you are all welcome to come to the mountain if you choose. There is plenty of room."

I turned to Jared. "Jamie slipped up during the interview and they all believe that although you are not on the mountain now, that you will be coming back. They believe that Jesse is being protected deep inside the cave. They think you are out searching for Sharon." I turned to Sharon. "So Sharon, if you want to return with Jared and Melanie, they would simply assume that they found you. Doc says that no matter what you choose, he understands and he loves you."

Sharon started to cry. "What about my mother and Jeb?"

"Everyone needs to make their own decisions. You can come as a group if you want. That would take the pressure off of Nate or you can stay. I don't want you to feel obligated and neither does anyone else on the mountain. You do what is in your heart."

We spent two days at the caverns. I gave my bed to Trudy and Geoffrey. I figured I could use a mattress if and when I visited again. I offered to bring them a cell phone on the next road trip but Jeb was afraid the phone calls could be traced. He asked that I refrain from using Sunny's while we were here. I obeyed his wishes even though I knew that Ian would probably throw a fit the next time he heard from me. Jeb said he wasn't ready to give up what little freedom he had to put himself into the hands of the enemy. "No offense." He said to me and Sunny. Melanie and Jared said they would talk about the possibility of leaving the caverns and returning to the mountain for good.

The nights I spent in the caverns were lonely. I missed Ian but the one I cried for was Nate. I still loved him and the loss I felt was at times too much to bear. I thought about the constant battle it must be for him to live only with memories of me and the torture it must be on him. There were times when I thought to myself that if I were him I would wish that someone would just kill me and make it look like an accident. I stared at the magnificent watch he had given me. Just as my wedding ring was a symbol of Ian's love, this watch was a symbol of Nate's love.

I wondered what Ian had done to cause his Seeker to skip. He must have done more than just squeeze my hands and cry to freak out the Seeker. I could only imagine. I asked Ian once and he refused to talk about it. He merely said that had the Seeker chosen to stay; he surely would have been driven insane by now.

As we left the caverns, I hugged everyone. I made it a point to tell each one that it wasn't 'good bye' but rather 'until I see you again'. They had enough food to last a month although the perishable items would be gone in two weeks. I told them that I hoped to return in a month.


	52. Chapter 52

**Well, this is final chapter…**

**I will post the epilogue on Saturday…**

**I hope this isn't good bye…but rather until the next story.**

**Which is Nate's Diary coming to you in 7 days….**

**And **

**FOR THE LOVE OF BRYNN**

**Book 1: Love Comes Easy**

**Coming soon! Available on Amazon**

THE SCHEMER

SUNNY AND I DROVE BACK TO DADDY'S and spent three days with him. Sunny lived up to her name. She basked in the California sunshine by the pool. At night, she dragged me anywhere she could. We shopped with Daddy footing the bill. He was happy to accommodate us. I called Ian often and he sounded miserable. In all the times we spent apart, he never showed signs of misery like he did now. Every time I called, he asked if I was coming home and each time I told him 'not yet'; he would become very quiet. Sunny never wanted to leave. Our one week mission had stretched out to two and it would take nearly three full days to get home.

On the fourth day we left my father's house and drove back to the mountain. Sunny was a bronzed goddess and I was beginning to blossom. Little Ian was definitely a kicker. We drove nearly an hour when I realized that I have forgotten my watch.

"Sunny! Stop!"

"What? What's wrong?"

"I forgot my watch. We have to go back!"

"I'm not going back! That will put us two hours behind."

"I don't care. I'll do the driving. I have to have that watch." I started to cry.

"Okay, okay! I'll go back."

She turned around and we went back to get the watch. Three days later we arrived at the mountain. The guard shack was complete and there were two of the soldiers manning the post. We stopped and as soon as they saw us they were very polite.

"Good to see you back Mrs. O'Shea…Sunny." The soldier smiled and nodded to Sunny. "Ian is waiting for you at the house. He's got a special surprise for you."

Of course Ian and Kyle were waiting for us. As we pulled in, they were already in the driveway. The guard had obviously called ahead to announce our arrival. As soon as I stepped out of the car he scooped me off the ground and swung me around.

"I'm so glad you're home!" He put me down. "The baby is growing!" He put is hands on my belly.

"Yeah, he's quite the kicker too."

He offered me his arm. "Shall I walk you home Mrs. O'Shea?"

"What, no party?"

"I have a party of one waiting for you at the house." He grinned.

"Don't you have to work today?"

"I'm the boss. I took the day off."

We began to walk towards the cave.

"Ian?"

"What, my Love?"

"Why haven't you kissed me?"

"You want the truth?"

"I do."

"The truth is I haven't kissed you because once my lips touch yours I won't be able to stop. I've never wanted anything the way I want you right now."

"Oh, Ian. That's so sweet."

"Most people would call it horny."

I laughed. Suddenly I saw Nate coming towards us. My heart skipped a beat when I saw him because I didn't see the silver in his eyes at first. Maybe it was my imagination playing tricks on my heart. He walked right up to us and stopped a few feet away.

"I'm glad you are back. You were missed around here. You bring joy to this place." He sounded sincere.

"Thank you. Tell my Nate that I thought of him often."

"He heard you." He continued on his trek towards the house.

Ian spoke in a low tone. "_My Nate_, huh? You still have your watch with you?"

"Ian you know what I meant when I said '_my Nate'_ and yes, I still have my watch."

"I hope you would have gone back for your wedding ring."

"How did you know?"

"Sunny told me while you were taking a cat nap in the car."

"Well, to answer your question, I would never forget my ring because I don't ever take it off and if anyone tried to take it from me they would have to take my finger with it."

"Oh hell." He stopped and turned to me. "How can I not kiss you after a perfect answer like that?" He took my face in his hands which oddly enough were shaking and he kissed me with the slow burn kiss. I missed those lips.

When he pulled back he teased me. "I won't nibble…yet."

Baby Ian started thumping away at my belly. "Oooo. Feel."

I pulled Ian's hand to my thumping baby. "He wants to say 'Hi' to his Daddy."

"Wow. I can really feel him now. That's my boy!"

"Yes, he kept me company when I was missing you."

When we arrived at the house, Ian opened the door and allowed me to step inside. The living room was painted, carpeted, and completely furnished. It was beautiful.

"Ian! It's lovely!"

"Want to christen it?"

I turned to him and smiled slyly at him. "What did you have in mind?"

"Mmmm. I can think of something."

"I like the way you think, Mr. O'Shea."

He pulled my chin towards him and kissed me like he did at the front of the cave only this time he included the nibbling. It was a _nice_ afternoon.

Now that I had a living room, I had no reason to go to the game room in the evenings. Ian tried to persuade me to go because he wanted to play poker but I was obstinate about it and he knew the reason why. Some nights I urged him to go without me and I cried after he left. I didn't cry because Ian left, I cried because I missed Nate. When I _did_ run into Nate it was always a cordial scene but it was awkward. I always made it a point to talk to _my_ Nate and encourage him to stay strong. The new Nate never showed any real personality. He was nothing like _my_ Nate at least not in front of me.

About a week after Sunny and I returned to the mountain Fords Deep Water showed up at my front door.

"Fords Deep Water! So good to see you!"

"I told you I would come to check up on you."

"You said in a few weeks. It's been almost six."

"Yes, well, I'm sorry about that. I had to see a friend of mine. He's a specialist."

"Oh, is there something wrong?"

"Yes, but I'm hoping to fix that."

I let him in and we spoke for a long time about all the things that we _almost_ discussed at out meeting in the restaurant.

"You know, when I met you that day I found you to be intoxicating. If I were a man fifteen or even ten years younger I wouldn't have allowed you to close your door when you said good night."

"That's very sweet of you."

Ian came home for dinner and nothing was prepared since I had spent my entire afternoon talking to Fords Deep Water. So, we ate at the dining hall with the others in the community. After dinner Fords Deep Water excused himself citing he was tired from the travel. Ian and I went home and spent a quiet night in front of the TV.

The following morning there was a knock at the door. Ian was in the bedroom still lying in the bed. I was puttering in the kitchen.

I opened the door. It was Nate.

"Hey Beautiful!"

I creased my eyebrows. "What is up with you?"

"It's a glorious day and you make it even better."

I backed up. Had he gone insane? Had _my _Nate pushed him over the edge? He stepped through the door. He was all smiles.

"Oh, hell. I've been waiting for this." He backed me into a corner and wrapped his arms around me.

"Nate, what are you doing?"

"I'm going to kiss you!"

"IAN!" I screamed.

Nate pressed his lips to mine and started to kiss me. I was so confused. It was Nate kissing me but who the hell was initiating the kiss? New Nate or old Nate?

Suddenly Ian burst into the room and ripped Nate away from me.

"Get the hell off of her, you maggot. I will kill you!"

"Wait!" Nate protested. Ian lunged at him. Burns rushed through the front door.

"Ian stop! It's not what you think!"

Ian stopped dead in his tracks.

"This parasite was about to kiss my wife."

I couldn't believe he said it but the funny thing was I was thinking the very same thing myself. All these weeks I thought of the Seeker as nothing more than a parasite trying to get information from Nate.

"Hold it! Hold it!" It was Nate. He was standing in the middle of the room with his hands out. "Look!"

Nate reached his hands up to his eye and placed his finger on his eyeball and slowly slid the contact out of his eye. He looked up at me. There was no hint of silver. It was _my_ Nate. The Seeker was gone.

"NATE!" I sprang to him in an instant and wrapped my arms around him.

He reciprocated. "I never stopped believing. I thought about you every minute of every day."

"But how?" I asked.

"Fords Deep Water. He took the Seeker out of me and gave me the contacts. No one has to know and I can go anywhere I want!"

"Son of a Bitch!" Ian chuckled as he shook his head.

Nate put his hands on my face. "It killed me to see you and not be able to speak to you, to hold you, to touch you." He looked at Ian. "Ian, you owe me this one."

Ian nodded in defeat. "You're right. At least let me go outside." Ian walked out of the house with Burns in tow and shut the door behind him.

"Nate, I took a vow."

"I know but Ian also said he would rather I kissed you every day than to have to deal with the likes of Travels the Frozen Tundra."

"Please tell me you do not intend to kiss me every day."

"Of course I do, but I will be very respectful about it…after today. This one, I deserve."

"Oh, Nate." He set his eyes on my lips. I didn't fight him. I didn't want to. I let him kiss me full on and I enjoyed the hell out of it. My heart exploded with the love I had been shielding from the Seeker. He kissed me again and again. When he finally stopped he held my face in his hands.

"I love you so much. I'll never stop. Ian is a lucky man and I won't ever let him forget it. I hope you come to the game room tonight." He released me and stepped back. You better go get your husband. Nate went off to the bathroom to put his contact back in. I went outside and Burns was waiting. Ian was gone. I knew exactly where he went.

I found him in the dugout. He was sitting there silently weeping.

"Ian, I love you." I went to him and wrapped myself around his bowed head.

He pulled me onto his lap and sobbed. "I'm so happy that Nate is back but I don't want him making out with you every day!"

"He won't."

"I dared him. I made a promise. I have to honor that."

"Superman, he is not going to make out with me every day. I wouldn't let him."

"You let him today."

"Today was different. Today is special."

"We are talking about Nate, the Schemer. He can turn every day into a special day."

I laughed.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Because you're right. He probably could, but I promise you he won't. He respects the fact that I chose you to be my husband."

Nate walked into the dugout.

"She's right. If the shoe was on the other foot I would honor my promise as well but with a heavy heart. I don't want to destroy your relationship and I don't want to destroy our relationship. Ian, man, you are like a brother to me. 'Three Guys Construction'. Let's make it happen."

Ian got up and he hugged Nate. "I missed you, man."

"I missed you too."

"Who else knows about this?"

"So far, only you two, Burns and Ice. They are the ones who kidnapped me and knocked me out with the chloroform."

"Where is the Seeker?"

"In a cryo chamber, in the trunk of Fords Deep Water's car."

"So, that's what he meant when he told me he was late because he had to see a specialist. He had someone make you contacts. He had this planned all along. He told me back in Washington to trust him."

"Think about it. I am the only human on the planet that can go anywhere I want and no one will know."

"As far as _you_ know," Ian commented. It made us all think. What if Fords Deep Water was a human? It would be rude to ask and I know I didn't want to stare at his eyes.

That day Fords went to town to borrow a sonogram machine from the doctor I had been visiting for my pregnancy. He came back with it and set it up in the living room of the main house. Ian was with me. He spread the cold goop on my abdomen. As soon as the wand touched my belly the heartbeat sounded off loud and clear. The baby came up on the screen as we watched.

"There she is," Fords Deep Water said.

"You mean there _he_ is," Ian corrected him.

"No. I mean there _she_ is. This baby is a girl."

Ian and I just looked at each other. We hadn't considered that it would be a girl.

"It's a little girl. We can't call her Ian. What should we name her?"

Ian chewed on his lower lip for a minute.

"I know. Let's call her Hope."


	53. Chapter 53

**I'm pretty emotional right now. I loved writing this and I loved hearing from each of you who took the time to review and PM me. I hope I will hear from you again.**

**Thank you Stephanie Meyer**

EPILOGUE

"WHAT TIME WAS HIS SHUTTLE SUPPOSED TO LAND?" I asked.

"He said it was due in at one o'clock but the rain is pretty bad," Burns replied.

"Well, at least it's not snowing."

Ian walked over carrying Hope in his arms. "Here you go Mommy. One freshly changed birthday girl." He kissed me.

I put Hope down on the floor next to Jessie and the two of them played with the toys. Ian hugged me. "Don't be sad. You know he would be here if he could."

"She's beautiful isn't she?" I commented to Ian.

"She's just like her mother."

Mel sauntered over. "So when are you going to have another one?"

I looked over at Sunny who was talking to Megan. "As soon as she gets pregnant. I want to go through it with her so she won't be so freaked out."

"What makes you think that she'll have a baby?"

"Keep this under your hat. She made a promise to Kyle that she would go off birth control once she said 'I do' and that she would give him one child under the condition that he get Ian to promise to be her personal trainer afterwards to get her back in shape."

"Then why are you taking so long in the planning of this wedding?"

"Because I want it to be perfect…like mine was. Besides she wanted a spring wedding."

"I have to admit you made my wedding pretty special," Mel pointed out.

"Yeah, but you were already married."

"So, I'm the only one who can say that I married my guy twice!" she crooned.

The door opened and a rush of brisk cold air blew into the room.

"Daddy!"

I ran over and hugged him. "I'm so glad you could make it."

"The shuttle port was a nightmare. Your mother sends her regards."

"I know. She called me. I was surprised that she made the call at all."

"Well, you know she's having a hard time accepting that her 'Pet' is gone."

"I know." I hugged him. "But at least I have you."

"You'll always have me. I love you."

I bit my upper lip to keep my emotions in check. "You must be starving. We were waiting for you and Nate."

"Here's a gift for the birthday girl and here's a little something for you."

"Daddy! You didn't have to do that." I opened the gift. It was a pair of boots.

"I saw you checking them out the last time we shopped. I picked them up for you."

"Thank you Daddy." I kissed him on the cheek.

Ian came over and greeted his father-in-law with a hearty handshake. "Well, I guess we should eat. No sense in waiting any longer."

"Okay," I agreed half-heartedly.

Ian announced to the crowd that the food was being served and everyone rushed to form a line. Ian got on line with his parents. I held back. I wanted to wait just a little longer. I knew that Nate would not disappoint me. Not him.

A minute later the door opened again and it was Nate. My heart skipped a beat. He was wearing his suit and he looked great in it. He walked right over to Hope and scooped her up off the ground.

"Hey! How's my favorite birthday girl?" She put her arms around his neck and hugged him. He walked over to me. "Hmmm. Nice boots. I'm sorry I'm late but my shuttle was delayed and then the drive back in the rain was no picnic."

I couldn't stop smiling. "I know. Daddy had the same problem. He just got here, too. I'm just glad you made it."

"I wouldn't have missed this for anything."

He held Hope in his arms. "Does Uncle Nate get a kiss?"

Hope kissed him on the lips.

"Thank you!"

He put her back on the floor with Jessie.

He came back over to me.

"Did you see Pamela while you were in Washington?"

"Yes, I spent an evening with her."

"You should have invited her to the party."

"I did. She said she'd come and see me some time next week but you know I don't think she's comfortable with being at an event where you are the center of attention."

"Well, it doesn't help that you introduced me to her as 'the one that got away' and followed it with 'I can always hope for divorce'."

"I was joking."

"No you weren't and she knew it. I'm surprised she didn't dump you right then and there."

"Well, there are plenty of other souls in the sea," he said nonchalantly.

"How can you be so controlled about your emotions with the people you date?"

He ignored the question and looked at me with those puppy dog eyes. They melted the frustration I had with him.

"Let's see. I've been gone three days, that's three kisses you owe me," he said sweetly.

I leaned in and kissed him on the forehead. "That's one." Then I kissed him on the nose. "That's two." And the last one I saved for his lips. It wasn't romantic or sexual. It was just a few seconds on the lips, but it meant so much to both of us. "That's three."

"Thank you, Beautiful. That'll do me."

Ian came over. "Still hitting on my wife, eh?"

"Till the day I die Ian, till the day I die."

**Nate's Diary coming June 9, 2011**


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